Dear Hank and John

By Hank Green and John Green

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Category: Comedy

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 Sep 18, 2018
hank and john have got it going on!

 Sep 10, 2018

 Sep 9, 2018
my favorite podcast, hands down!

A Podcast Republic user
 Sep 5, 2018

podcasts at 2x speed
 Aug 21, 2018


Hank and John Green (YouTubers and etc.) answer questions, give questionable advice, and talk about Mars (the planet) and AFC Wimbledon (the 3rd tier English football club).

Episode Date
155 - Drunk Fruit Squirrels

Can I wear my Tuesday shirt on other days? How do I give advice that doesn't hurt feelings but is still helpful? Did I steal this plant? And more!

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Sep 17, 2018
154 - You're Doing Great (w/ Tessa Violet!)

What do I do when I'm asked to lie to children? Should I tell my boss I'm obsessed with her famous son? Why is Dodie so much better at stuff than I am? And more!

Check out Tessa on YouTube and wherever you get your music!

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Sep 10, 2018
153 - Perfectly Normal Art Projects (w/ Sarah Urist Green!)

Can I use being an artist as an excuse for being weird? How do museum benches work? What is the best advice a parent can give their child? And more!

Email us: hankandjohn@gmail.ocm

Thank you to Audible for sponsoring this episode! Audible is offering listeners a free audiobook with a 30-day trial membership. Go to or, or text “dearhank" or "dearjohn” to 500-500 to get started today.

Sep 03, 2018
152 - Thank You, Hot Fries!!

Are we living in a simulation? Are there other types of teeth? What should I do with this bowl? And more!

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Aug 27, 2018
151 - Dapper Dudes

How do I tell my boyfriend he's beautiful? Can I talk to my cousin's ex? How do I figure out my music taste? And more!

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The PodCon 2 campaign ends soon! Support it here!

Aug 20, 2018
150 - Spicy Limes

What should I do with this tooth? How do I keep a secret? How do I get out of the shadow of my parents’ triumphs? And more!

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PodCon 2 is happening!

Aug 14, 2018
149 - Let's Be Mermaids

Where would you put an extra eye? How do I survive at home alone? Why is underwear a pair? And more!

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Thanks to HelloFresh for sponsoring this episode! For $30 off your first week of HelloFresh, go to or and enter code dearhank or dearjohn.

Aug 06, 2018
148 - Hiding Nuts

Why is there no $25 bill? What happens to a person’s consciousness when they're teleported? What does space smell like? And more!

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PodCon 2 is happening! Check out the Indiegogo campaign here.

Jul 23, 2018
147 - Celebrities on a Plane

Should I tell my boyfriend he has a fandom? What do you do in a non-reciprocal high five situation? Why are football scarves so short? And more!

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Thanks to Brilliant for sponsoring this episode! Head to or and sign up for free. The first 200 people who go to those links will get 20% off their annual Premium subscription.

Jul 16, 2018
146 - Skate with Snakes

How did people tell time before clocks? Should I go to a thing just to avoid FOMO? How do I deal with popsicle haters? And more!

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Thank you to Audible for sponsoring this episode! Audible is offering listeners a free audiobook with a 30-day trial membership. Go to or, or text “dearhank" or "dearjohn” to 500-500 to get started today.

Jul 02, 2018
145 - Wait to Panic

What should I do with the ends of bread? How do you know when you get to the end of the galaxy? How did they livestream the lunar landing? And more!

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Thanks to HelloFresh for sponsoring this episode! For $30 off your first week of HelloFresh, go to or and enter code dearhank or dearjohn.

Jun 18, 2018
144 - Great, Robust Berries (w/ Jenny Lawson!)

What is your innocuous life curse? What should I read when I've outgrown YA? How do I survive without my coping mechanism? And more!

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Thanks to Brilliant for sponsoring this episode! Head to or and sign up for free. The first 200 people who go to those links will get 20% off their annual Premium subscription.

Jun 11, 2018
143 - Eleven Peas

Are there any good billionaires? How do I get better at contracts? What are the rules of doctor-patient small talk? And more!

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Thanks to Simple Contacts for sponsoring this episode! Get $30 off your contacts at or, or enter code dearhank or dearjohn at checkout.

Jun 04, 2018
142 - Don't Harsh on My Yums

Why do people like ant colonies? What do I do about customers who come in right before close? Where do bugs go when it rains? And more!

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Thanks to Brilliant for sponsoring this episode! The first 200 people to sign up at or get 20% off their annual Premium subscription.

May 28, 2018
141 - Gretel's Instagram Regrets (w/ How to ADHD!)

Am I accidentally a horrible person? What should I do with 1,000 business cards? How do I not break my grandmother's heart? And more!

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Thanks to Jessica and Edward of How to ADHD for joining the pod today!

May 21, 2018
140 - The Spoon in the Road

How often should I try new food places? How do you break up with someone without crushing them? What's the best way to greet a new neighbor? And more!

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Thanks to Skillshare for sponsoring this episode! Get 2 months of Skillshare for just 99 cents by going to or

May 14, 2018
139 - What If the Moon Was One of Us

What should I spend my birthday money on? Is hope a dinosaur? What do I do with 23 plastic molds of my teeth? And more!

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Get your Snappy the T. rex shirt here:

Thank you to Audible for sponsoring this episode! Audible is offering listeners a free audiobook with a 30-day trial membership. Go to or, or text “dearhank" or "dearjohn” to 500-500 to get started today.

May 07, 2018
138 - Snappy the T. rex

Do dead bodies get sunburned? How do you science a baby? Who were the first fans? And more!

Take our survey! Your feedback helps us out a lot:

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Apr 30, 2018
137 - Manhole & Me

Why am I in Seattle? Why are bricks stacked that way in walls? Is nihilism hilarious? And more!

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Apr 23, 2018
136 - Wake Up Canadian

What should I wear to Hamilton? If you work a four-day week, do you still get a hump day? Are books a distorted mirror? And more!

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Thanks to Squarespace for sponsoring this episode! Head to for a free trial, and when you’re ready to launch, use the offer code DEARHANK or DEARJOHN to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.

Apr 17, 2018
135 - Danger Noodles and Little Boops (w/ Emily Graslie!)

How do you throw away a trash can? Which animals have the most awkward adolescent phase? Are humans an invasive species? And more!

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Apr 09, 2018
134 - The Millennial Avocadome

Are rocks actually soft? What are Pop-Tarts? My boyfriend's ex is dating my ex??? And more!

Apr 02, 2018
133 - Fork Bouquet

What should I do with all these plastic forks? At what age do you grow out of regret? Do ants sleep? And more!

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Mar 26, 2018
132 - Schrödinger's Floor

Why do we need constant mental stimuli? How do I clean my room? Can I still be friends with my ex's family? And more!

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Thank you to Audible for sponsoring this episode! Audible is offering listeners a free audiobook with a 30-day trial membership. Go to or, or text “dearhank" or "dearjohn” to 500-500 to get started today.

Mar 19, 2018
131 - Space War Fears

How do I handle the surprise baby hamsters? Can I take things from someone else's shopping cart? Are we all gonna die in a space war? And more!

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This episode is sponsored by Squarespace! Head to for a free trial, and use the offer code DEARHANK or DEARJOHN to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.

Mar 12, 2018
130 - The LaCroix Boix

How much sand is there? How do I unfriend the murder? How does one finance baby? And more!

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Mar 05, 2018
129 - The Worst Guest Books

Am I not invited to my aunt's wedding? Do I tell my friend I clogged their toilet? Is there an Olympic Hall of Urine? And more!

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Feb 26, 2018
128 - AARTcoin

Are hitchhiker ants okay? How do I tell my parents I want to study economics? Who is responsible for calling back after a dropped call? And more!

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Thanks to RXBAR for sponsoring this episode! For 25% off your first order, visit or and enter "dearjohn" or "dearhank" at checkout.

You Will Be Able to Say a Thousand Words:


Feb 19, 2018
127 - How to Befriend a Crow

Should I follow my dreams of having strange animal friends? What would happen if I pee in this humidifier? Is it disrespectful to look at someone while they yawn? And more!

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Thanks to Squarespace for sponsoring this episode! Go to for a free trial, and use the offer code DEARHANK or DEARJOHN to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.

Feb 12, 2018
126 - The Space Alien Orange Peel Health Craze
Should I spend prom at Target or break up my friends? How does Legolas never run out of arrows? What would happen if all plants ceased to exist? And more! Email us: Some things mentioned: The Anthropocene Reviewed: An Absolutely Remarkable Thing: Eons: Scatterbrained:
Feb 05, 2018
125 - Book Hangovers (w/ Sarah Urist Green!)
How do people love reading when it hurts? How do you make friends in art class? How do you proceed after accidentally slow dancing with someone? And more! Email us: Thanks to HelloFresh for sponsoring this episode! For $30 off your first week of HelloFresh, go to and enter dearhank or dearjohn.
Jan 29, 2018
124 - Liars and Litterers and Thieves
Can I hoard stolen goods? How do I make sure I don't become a racist? How do I get cookies? And more! Email us: Hank's book is available for preorder! Learn more at This episode is sponsored by Backblaze! Backblaze provides unlimited cloud backup for Macs and PCs for just $5/month. Check it out at or
Jan 23, 2018
123 - The Incredible Glamorous Hulk
How do fish get into lakes? How do I stay aware of things without giving them views? Do aliens communicate with sign language? And more! Thank you to Audible for sponsoring this episode! Audible content includes an unmatched selection of audiobooks, original audio shows, news, comedy, and more. They're offering listeners a free audiobook with a 30-day trial membership. Go to or to download a title free and start listening. You can also text dearhank or dearjohn to 500-500. Email us:
Jan 15, 2018
122 - The Last Brand Deal
Am I too young to be self-supervised? Can I throw away my dead grandmother's sponges? How do I make a personal retirement PowerPoint for Rick? And more! Email us:
Jan 08, 2018
121 - Every Plum Has Its Thorn
What is the point of love if it always ends? How do I scream? How do I stop a surprise avian ring delivery? And more! Email us:
Dec 25, 2017
120 - Snake Cuddle Time
How do I memorize all the birds? Should I join the Navy? How do you eat trail mix? And more! Email us:
Dec 18, 2017
Special Shorty: It's Project for Awesome Time
In which Hank and John moooostly talk about the Project for Awesome, but we also find out what the palm of your foot is called, how Hank is so good at Scandinavian pronunciation, and how far your obligation to correct fake facts you accidentally spread goes.
Dec 15, 2017
119 - Water Is Dry (w/ Greg Miller!)
Why don't I have a lifelong friend? How can I become ruler of everyone with my name? What are snails trying to flee?? And more! Email us:
Dec 11, 2017
118 - Heavy Baby Bib! (w/ Alex Goldman!)
What counts as significant change? How do you know who you're supposed to buy presents for? Is it weird to let someone know you're thinking of them? And more! Email us:
Dec 04, 2017
117 - Lightsaber Your Tiny House
What do you do with cereal dust? What happens if kid doesn't like dog? How did cave people cut their fingernails? And more! Email us:
Nov 27, 2017
116 - Do Not Enter the Craft Fort! (w/ Caitlin Hofmeister!)
How do you surprise loved ones in small apartments? What is the line between archaeology and grave robbing? What is the appropriate time to get into the Christmas season? And more! Email us:
Nov 20, 2017
115 - Semi-Immortal 35-Year-Olds on Mars
What is the smallest part of the body you can be a doctor in? Why do we rub our eyes when we're tired? How do I turn my imagination off long enough to sleep? And more! Email us:
Nov 13, 2017
114 - Confused About Batman
Over the last month, Hank and John have been on the road going to cities all across America. Every stop, they did a short episode of Dear Hank and John, and some of those got recorded. Then Hank edited some of the best of those moments into this podcast. How do I promote my guinea pig's Instagram? Is it cold in space? When did you first feel successful? And Many Other Questions Answered!​ Email us:
Nov 06, 2017
113 - Aardvarks with Guns
Is outer space full of vampires? Am I engaged? Why haven't our mouths evolved to be better at pumpkin spice lattes? And more! Email us:
Oct 30, 2017
112 - Toaster Is a Wolf to Dog
Where does candle wax go? Can you just switch where you're sitting one day? Does saying "I love you" eventually lose its meaning? And more! Email us:
Oct 24, 2017
111 - Omagles All the Way Down
How do I get in on my neighbor's cranberry bread? How do I live in a very small room? Who's responsible for the divider in a checkout line? And more! Email us:
Oct 09, 2017
110 - One and Less Extra Bone
Where does all the extra body come from? Why are grapefruits called grapefruits? Is it acceptable to talk about social media in real life? And more! Email us:
Oct 02, 2017
109 - The Catastrophizing Kindergarten Teacher
How do I stop whistling? How do you not get burned out? How do I get rid of a death zit? And more! Email us:
Sep 25, 2017
108 - We Would All Be Flounders
What do I say to my blind date? How do I get my mom to call me less frequently? Are you supposed to ask a father for his daughter's hand in marriage? And more! Email us:
Sep 18, 2017
107 - skREvEL!
Why do I feel safer with the lights on? Why can't my bathtub be in my living room? Am I in danger of being electrocuted? And more! Turtles All the Way Down tour: Email us:
Sep 11, 2017
106 - Cannibal Mermaids
How far can you get making only right turns? What's the proper response to being constantly serenaded? Does fire have mass? And more! Email us:
Sep 05, 2017
105 - Fancy Diving
Is cake salty? How do I get alone time at a party without a cigarette? Where is the rest of An Imperial Affliction? And more! Email us:
Aug 28, 2017
104 - Dove Quivering
Why am I afraid of something I know doesn’t exist? Can I avoid scurvy by sticking my arm in a giant vat of orange juice? What is proper etiquette for a cat birthday party? And more! Get 10% off your first purchase by going to or Email us:
Aug 21, 2017
103 - There Are No Boxes (w/ Gaby Dunn!)
What is a mug without a handle? When's the right time to get a Saturn tattoo? Should I come out when I'm not ready? And more! Email us:
Aug 14, 2017
102 - The Friend Bucket
Could you take down a coyote with your arms? Should people be allowed to put things in someone else's Netflix queue? How do I cope with social anxiety? And more! Email us:
Aug 07, 2017
101 - Knit like a Mofo
What would happen if all mosquitoes die? What do I do about my surprise YouTube celebrity boyfriend? What's the truth about John Lennon's "Imagine"? And more! Email us:
Jul 31, 2017
100 - 100th Episode Extravaganza Spectacular!!!
Who was the first joshing Josh? Do bugs understand glass? How do I learn to chill? And more! Email us:
Jul 24, 2017
099 - A Fusing of the Hair
What do I do if my spouse wants to shave his head? Why are there birds at the airport? What if I'm not as well read as my boyfriend? And more! Email us:
Jul 03, 2017
098 - An Army of Burrito Children (w/ Dodie Clark!)
How do you deal with the dissipation of your future plans? Should I tell my parents I met my boyfriend on Tinder? How do I succeed if I'm not a go-getter? And more! Email us:
Jun 26, 2017
097 - Lemon Salty Whales
When should I introduce my kid to Star Wars? Can I dislike parts of my life even though I have privilege? How did humans start swimming? And more! Email us:
Jun 19, 2017
096 - Next Level Laziness
If you put in work to be lazy, is it still laziness? Does Lin Manuel Miranda listen to Hamilton for funzies? At what point are you supposed to put water on a toothbrush? And more! Email us:
Jun 12, 2017
095 - Lawn Care Vigilantism
What should my fun fact about me be? How do Christians and non-Christians get along? Am I too old to listen to this podcast? And more! Email us:
Jun 05, 2017
Special Shorty with Travis McElroy
Hank and Travis answer exactly two questions and, let's be honest, we did this entirely to let you know that the PodCon IndieGoGo campaign is very very close to ending. Please come hit us up at to see what it's all about and whether you'd be interested in attending...either digitally or IRL. If you can't no worries, I hope that this episode was also an entertaining addition to your regularly scheduled podcast listening.
Jun 04, 2017
094 - Pocket Conspiracy Theories (w/ Matthew Gaydos!)
Is Hank a reptilian-human hybrid? How do I grieve and also be there for my students? What do you do when you do something terrible by accident? And more! Email us:
May 29, 2017
093 - Nothing Fits on a Bumper Sticker
Can a writer mess with science for poetic purposes? If you enjoy Narnia, would you enjoy The Fountainhead? Is there a right social construct to teach? And more!
May 22, 2017
092 - Cewebrity
Should I contact the guy who owns the plane on which I was born? Are art and content different? Does it matter that the guy I'm dating has a six pack while I eat a lot of tacos? And more! PodCon! Email us:
May 15, 2017
091 - Everything Is Everything (w/ Mayim Bialik!)
Why do I like the smell of gasoline? What should I do about my racist boss? What is the clothes fastener technology in Star Wars? And more! Email us:
May 08, 2017
090 - Glitter Soul
Are you really in the clear with liquor before beer? Should I embrace the error on my birth certificate? Does it really matter where I go to college? And more! Email us: Patreon:
May 02, 2017
089 - A Rich Guy with an Affinity for Bats
Is Batman a superhero? How do I claim an island as my own? Is there a "no politics" rule in dating? And more! Email us:
Apr 24, 2017
088 - Hank's Profound Graduation Speech
Why do rich people like golf so much? What color is the sky on Mars? How much do I need to fact-check news before I share it? Where are bird ears??? And more! Email us:
Apr 10, 2017
087 - The Future Is Gonna Rule
How do I develop a cool signature? How do I tell my dad I've been hiding a snake for several months? Is it acceptable to shout advice at strangers? And more! Email us:
Apr 03, 2017
086 - This Week in Ryans
Do taller people have bigger organs? Are more expensive clothes actually better? Is there a secular way to say you're "praying" for someone? And more! Email us:
Mar 27, 2017
085 - Stay Gold, Potaterson
What should my motto be? What vegetable is happiness? When is enough really enough? And more! Email us:
Mar 20, 2017
084 - Live from NerdCon: Nerdfighteria!
Where are all the fireflies? What is "the spark"? Was Alexander Hamilton or Sirius Black a bigger drama queen? And more!
Mar 13, 2017
083 - There's No Rock and Roll on Mars
Is the Big Bang really a thing? Does the driver or the passenger get to pick the music? What if someone gets pregnant on Mars? And more! Email us:
Mar 06, 2017
082 - Where There Was Previously Nothing
How long until everyone is related to Beyoncé? When does parenting stop sucking? How can I help the world without being rich? And more! NerdCon: Nerdfighteria: Email your questions:
Feb 20, 2017
081 - Always Making Progress Forever
Can you separate the artist from the work? How do bugs survive microwaves? Will we ever be a perfectly unified planet? And more! Sarah's cookies! NerdCon: Nerdfighteria: Email your questions:
Feb 13, 2017
080 - Life Is Hard and Also Has Good Things
What are the top ten kinds of spoons? Why do boys kiss like dying fish? What would happen if we lost gravity for fifteen seconds? And more! NerdCon: Nerdfighteria: Email your questions:
Feb 06, 2017
079 - Tiny Useless Pelvises (That Are Still There)
How nice do you have to be at the grocery store? How do we know humans didn't come from Mars? What is sound even? And more! NerdCon: Nerdfighteria: Email your questions:
Jan 30, 2017
078 - Being Sure
How do I stop catfishing someone? How do I not feel embarrassed sharing my writing? Should I DIY my shirt? And more! NerdCon: Nerdfighteria: Email your questions:
Jan 23, 2017
077 - Save Us, Giant Octopus
Should you always imagine people complexly? Would constellations be different on Mars? How many trees would you have to plant to offset your carbon footprint? And more!
Jan 16, 2017
076 - The Best of Dear Hank & John
A look back on some of the most memorable moments in the history of the pod! Featuring: Jurassic Mars, Ryan, OH MY GOD IT'S BURNING, John's atrocious cereal eating habits, pumpkins and penguins, the long con, and more! NerdCon: Nerdfighteria: Email your questions:
Jan 09, 2017
075 - The Nutrient Coconut Milk of Sin (w/ Katherine Green!)
Who does my cat think I am? Is listening to music a waste of time? Should we get a new coconut? And more! NerdCon: Nerdfighteria: Email your questions:
Jan 03, 2017
074 - The Kindness Muscle
How do I deal with finals stress? What building would you haunt? How do I teach my kid not to bully? And more! NerdCon: Nerdfighteria: Email your questions:
Dec 28, 2016
073 - Planes, Trains, and Automosqueals
What do you do if you're lost in the forest? Is Santa subject to trademark laws? Should I take a boring job for money? And more! NerdCon: Nerdfighteria: Email your questions:
Dec 19, 2016
072 - Planet Dirt (Hank Returns!)
Is Die Hard a Christmas movie? Should I tell my mom about my risky plans? What is the tipping point for apocalypse chaos? And more! NerdCon: Nerdfighteria: Email your questions:
Dec 12, 2016
071 - Only Pause for Applause (w/ Hannah Hart!)
Help, I can't tell my roommates apart! What if my relationship has an expiry date? How much reflection should you do after finishing a book? And more!
Dec 06, 2016
070 - The Rhythmic Thud of the Space Bar (w/ Ashley Ford!)
How do we move forward post-Election Day? How do you know when/if to have kids? Why does the space bar sound like that? And more!
Nov 22, 2016
069 - Live from NerdCon: Stories (w/ Karen Hallion!)
Who is the foxiest founding father? How do I convince my boyfriend to not go to Mars? Is all my sister's stuff mine now? And more!
Nov 07, 2016
068 - Gaga in Space (w/ Tyler Oakley!)
Are quesadillas sandwiches? What is the ideal OK Cupid match percentage? How much of another person's food am I allowed to consume? And more!
Nov 01, 2016
067 - Feeling Home
Should I ghost out of my job? Are bubble baths a hobby or an interest? How do I not feel like a forever foreigner? And more!
Oct 24, 2016
066 - A Great Bit of Oratory
How do I keep enjoying music I enjoyed with an ex? How do I recover from being doused in bull semen? What are my responsibilities when people ask me to watch their stuff? And more!
Oct 17, 2016
065 - But... You're a Horse
Should we fear a locust apocalypse? Will listening to Japanese while I sleep help me remember it? How do I remain confident in my art around older, more experienced artists? And more!
Oct 03, 2016
064 - Really Terrible Scandinavian Geography Lessons
Why won't people accept my tissues? Should half-wolf children be vaccinated? What do I do when I see a stranger crying in public? And more!
Sep 26, 2016
063 - World Queen
What do I do while people are singing "Happy Birthday"? What are mushrooms even? Is it okay to want people to not be wrong? And more!
Sep 19, 2016
062 - Pumpkins and Penguins (and Fiddles)
How do I go about my secret fiddle long con? Why do almost all zippers have the letters YKK on them? Do bugs ever have a destination in mind when they walk around aimlessly? And more!
Sep 12, 2016
061 - Tiny Acts of Kindness
How do gas planets work? What is proper door etiquette? Is Hank going to put the lime in the coconut and drink it all together? And more!
Sep 06, 2016
060 - There is Almost Always a Future
Where all all the dead birds? Should I really live each day of my life like it's my last? Am I a fraud for being a social chameleon? And more!
Aug 30, 2016
059 - Hank's Disaster Preparedness Plan
What is my actual favorite color? At what point in the day do I switch to "have a good night" as my go-to courtesy? What do I do when The Big One hits? And more!
Aug 22, 2016
058 - That's the Science (w/ Flula!)
Why are there holes in crackers? What is proper hot tub etiquette? Can I snapchat politicians about immigration reform? And more!
Aug 16, 2016
057 - Og Nomekop
How do I organize someone else's books? How do I justify the money allocated to extending my life? How does tug of war work? And more!
Aug 09, 2016
056 - Is It Going to Throw Up?
How do I dad? Are expiration dates just suggestions? What do I call the people I work with? Do I really need to get drunk on my twenty-first birthday? And more!
Aug 02, 2016
055 - A Proper Dumpster Fire
Should I sell cold, fresh potty water? Why don't we write phonetically? Why do I like all this sad stuff? And more!
Jul 26, 2016
054 - Nerd Punk
Are bell peppers airtight? How do I quit smoking? Why is that new baby smell so good? And more!
Jul 06, 2016
053 - The Worst Episode Ever
Do fish swim? Is Hank snapchatting? How do I stop my earphones from getting tangled? How do I deal with a job that I hate? And more!
Jun 30, 2016
052 - We are in this together.
Will my laptop sterilize me? Do you like (or write) fanfiction? Where is the rest of the lizard whose tail I found in my room? And more!
Jun 21, 2016
051 - Weird/Bad Dancefighting
What are nerdfighters fighting? How do I learn to enjoy physical activity? How do I stop talking about Mars in my sleep? And more!
Jun 15, 2016
050 - Things Are Like Other Things
Why isn't John on Hank's Top 8 on MySpace? What is the correct way to eat an Oreo? Is my can opener a sign that I've entered an alternate universe? And more!
Jun 07, 2016
049 - Not Not An Adult (w/ Sydney Green!)
How do you define adulthood? Is it slice of pizza or piece of pizza? How do I reclaim my armrest when I'm in the middle seat? And more!
May 31, 2016
048 - Pizza John Priorities
Is Pizza John inherently unsexy? Should I court familial disaster? Where else can I seek dubious advice? And more! AFC update tag music is 'News Sting' by Kevin MacLeod.
May 24, 2016
047 - You're Gonna Be Okay
How do I mourn a mug? What if it had been Vlogsisters instead of Vlogbrothers? How do I navigate roommatedom? And more!
May 17, 2016
046 - Brotherhood 3.0
Where are all the Bob Ross paintings? Why is a minor injury more painful to me than literal childbirth? How do I get myself a surprise party? And more!
May 02, 2016
045 - Not Knowing
Should I feel guilty about liking Hamilton? Why aren't we talking about our impending death by Yellowstone? Should I be saving all my burrito money for the economic apocalypse? And more!
Apr 26, 2016
044 - A Life Sandwich
How do I find joy when my main source of it has been taken away? How do I deal with my unfortunate name, which is not Ryan? How do I handle compliments? How do I deal with over-the-top laughter? How do I deal with the closest thing there is to death? And more!
Apr 20, 2016
043 - Gotta Be Kitten
Why do people put up with banana opportunity cost? How do I deal with bird attacks? Chemtrails: what's up with them? And more!
Apr 12, 2016
042 - Mayonnaise Malaise
Am I making unethical sandwich decisions? Am I a sucker for not cheating in school? Do we need drive-thru reform? Why do farts smell worse in the shower? And more!
Apr 05, 2016
041 - In the Absence of Toes
Have we checked in on the bees? What would happen if you lost your big toe? How do you stir hot cocoa efficiently? And more!
Mar 29, 2016
040 - Almost Distressingly Good Advice
How Canadian am I, really? How should I unpack? How do I reconcile my ideals with my actions? And more!
Mar 21, 2016
039 - Feelings are Alright (With Katherine Green)
How do I overcome pizza betrayal? What's the deal with sesame seeds? How do I solve my sibling ball crisis? What do I do in Montana? How do I deal with my driving anxiety? And more!
Mar 16, 2016
038 - The Smelling in Your Dwelling
Why don't bugs die when we flick them? Why do we talk the way we do? What's the deal with dollars in movies? How much would it cost to buy the world a coke? And more!
Mar 08, 2016
037 - The Floridiest Place
How do you reattach John's head? Why aren't supreme court justices chosen more efficiently? How do you hug? Does Mars have seasons? Why don't people eat grass like cows?
Mar 02, 2016
036 - Grief is Super Weird
Is there a secret planet opposite ours? Is strawberry flavor fooling us all? How can we be better listeners? Why do people ghost other people?
Feb 23, 2016
035 - Should I Get Baptized if I Don't Believe?
Am I Lisa Turtle or Screech? What would happen to lava on the sun? After blowing ones nose, why does one look into the Kleenex? Coconuts are hairy an make milk, are they mammals? When does the early 2000s become "The Turn of the Century"? AND OTHER QUESTIONS ANSWERED!
Feb 16, 2016
034 - YouTube Freaky Friday
Can I eat expired Mac N Cheese? What would you do if you only had 300 subscribers on YouTube? Is a kitty on my lap an excuse for tardiness? What if you dumped the sun into a massive MASSIVE bucket of water? What do you do when someone asks you a question that you aren't ready to answer?
Feb 09, 2016
033 - Putting Water in Cereal?!
Why do we fall for clickbait? Why do smells become normal? Why do we call aluminum foil "tin foil?" Why do people always ask where I'm from? My name is boring! Are four-sided bananas safe to eat?! THESE AND OTHER QUESTIONS, ANSWERED FOR YOU TODAY!
Feb 03, 2016
032 - Broccoli Flavored Chocolate
Can create fresh water by boiling the sea with a giant magnifying glass? Is suffering necessary for us to appreciate the beauty in life? What about asteroids and super-volcanos! Should a heart be judged by how much it loves or by how much it's loved?
Jan 27, 2016
031 - Breakin' the Law (and Being Good.)
Should I give up on my dreams of changing the world? Is mayonnaise an instrument? Why are DVD cases not squares? Can you burn a cucumber? Does the moon have Earth eclipses? Do you have anonymous social profiles?
Jan 19, 2016
030 - Ending the Hiaaeetus!
What do you do when your couple friends stop hanging with single you? Should we imagine evil people complexly? Could you light Saturn on fire? How long could humans survive only eating humans? And then we discuss our over/unders for age of death.
Jan 11, 2016
029 - Barbershop Genghis
Do you need to be a Patreon supporter to get your question answered? How do I make my partner comfortable at his first Christmas with my family? Why are mini-M&Ms better than the regular kind? Why do we always assume life needs water? And an important update from Sweden!
Dec 22, 2015
028 - John's Top Ten Probable Apocalypse List
Why are there no feral cows? What are you looking at? Should you say "Bless You" when someone coughs? What would happen if the magnetic poles reversed? How do I keep my nerves from getting the best of me (while playing competitive Pokemon)? What can we do to make the conversation around religion less awful? And more questions answered here at Dear Hank and John! And YES the new Wimbledon stadium at Plough Lane has been approved!! Edited by Nick Jenkins. Music by Gunnarolla.
Dec 15, 2015
027 - Giving Gifts Without Breaking the Bank
Did we discover the periodic table, or did we invent it? How do you start running a business with friends? How would one go about crashing the moon into the Earth? Is an emoji a word? And finally, most importantly, when is it ok to start listening to Holiday music?
Dec 07, 2015
026 - Should I Make Out With My Roommate?
How do I choose an ethical engagement ring? There's a wasp trapped in my dorm room! How do I know which arm rest is mine at the movie theater? And a question about grammar...from our father. Also, we have a patreon now:
Dec 01, 2015
Why are we so obsessed with zombies? What do you do if your dentist tries to talk to you when you obviously can't talk? How do beat my girlfriend's gift skills? Should I try to re-kindle a friendship with someone who I did something nasty to? AND OTHER QUESTIONS answered here, today, on Dear Hank and John.
Nov 23, 2015
024 - The Great Finger Licking Debate
How do you learn new things as an adult? Oral surgery advice? Worrying about hexagons and etc!
Nov 17, 2015
Why do different trees change color at different times? What if a friend isn't creating their creative work that you love? Some advice for job and scholarship interviews. How do I express empathy properly? How should I feel about getting worse at Tetris?
Nov 09, 2015
022 - Post-Menopausal Cousin Marriage
How should toilet paper be dispensed? Help! My fingers are glued together! If you hover a helicopter in the same place for 24 hours, why don't you travel around the earth? What food weird combinations do you like? What should I do if a scholarship requires me to read Ayn Rand? AND OTHER QUESTIONS ANSWERED!
Nov 03, 2015
021 - Who Am I?
Halloween costume advice. Does John think people are evil? Misunderstanding Risk. Advice for referees of kids soccer games. Would the Bat Signal actually work? How does the stock market work? And, of course, a very brief discussion of the self.
Oct 26, 2015
020 - This Episode Contains Puke
Should I cave to my parents and have them at my wedding? Are we just cats? Why does 98 degrees feel hot if that's my body temperature? How do I read slow books? What do you do when your loved one is in a pyramid scheme?
Oct 20, 2015
019 - Should I Abandon My Stuffed Animal?
Should I watch YouTube ads? How do I make friends with my old neighbors? What do I do when my daughter won't sleep because she's always on the internet? When is it worth arguing on the internet? Will climate change mess with forecasts?
Oct 11, 2015
018 - Coming to Terms with your Nerdiness
How do I balance my marriage with my career? What if your job isn't morally ambiguous? Is there something wrong with me if I am informed but also not sure who to vote for? But boy do we spend a lot of time on that first one because we clearly think about it a lot! Also...WATER ON MARS!
Oct 06, 2015
017 - Meeting Taylor Swift('s parents)
How do I stop projecting onto people? What do you do when you get pigeonholed as "the smart kid"? Is English class valuable? And of you have any advice for new drivers...of course we very careful and do not kill us. NOTE: This was recorded before the big Mars news that was released today but, oddly enough, I talk about the thing that the news is about which is a bit confusing. Sorry about that.
Sep 29, 2015
016 - Handling Awful Roomates
Hey! Let's talk about Patrick Rothfuss's beard! Also, talking with Nathalie, falling asleep instead of singing, and how to run a press junket. It's a pretty weird and varied episode of Dear Hank and John! A comedy podcast about death.
Sep 21, 2015
015 - Get That In Your Mouth!
What is art? Should we lower the drinking age? What kind of liquor is the best? Who should I play with on Mario Kart? How do decrease my impact on the environment without money? What do you do when "The One" leaves you? And OTHER QUESTIONS ANSWERED!!
Sep 14, 2015
014 - Jurassic Mars
Do other people exist? How do I become a good middle school teacher? How do I know if I'm being egotistical? What is "home" and will I ever find it? And a secret that Hank has never told anyone and is totally ashamed of!
Sep 09, 2015
013 - John and Hank and Wheezy Waiter!
How do you make friends? What's your favorite planet? What would happen if you fell into Jupiter? Is it all downhill from 30? What sports did you play? If you could be a prodigy at any one thing what would it be? Edited by Nicholas Jenkins.Theme music by Gunnarolla.
Aug 31, 2015
012 - Tree Climbing Strategies
Do old people love minions? Do you believe in the multi-verse? What languages would you Matrix into your brain? How do you pick a sports team? What do fish dream about? These and other questions answered in this delightful episode of Dear Hank and John. Edited by Nicholas Jenkins. Theme music from Gunnarolla.
Aug 25, 2015
011 - How do you "Make Something of Yourself"?
If you could punch anyone in the face, who would it be? Do you need to "protect your image"? Do adults continue to change as they get older? What are some cheap date ideas? If you could invent a new word, what would it be? These and other questions (and also the news from both Mars and AFC Wimbledon) are contained within!
Aug 17, 2015
010 - When Your Friend Likes Ayn Rand...
Dear Hank and John now with 100% MORE JOHN! Here we discuss what to do when a young relationship is endangered by different goals, whether memory implants would be awesome or awful, and how to pick books and TV shows in a world of infinite content.
Aug 11, 2015
009 - Dear Hank and Felicia
Can you ruin your life in high school? How do you un-friend someone IRL? What video game world would you live in? Hank Green and Guest-John Felicia Day take on these questions and more in the final episode before John's return next week!
Aug 04, 2015
008 - Dear Hank and Grace!
How do you adjust to a new culture in a new town? Do I have to study at an Ivy League school? Should I keep chasing my dream? Grace and Hank have all the answers!
Jul 28, 2015
007 - What to do About Stomach Farts
How do you avoid being pretentious when you're intelligent, Charlie and Jimmy's school uniforms, when to look for a new job, and all the news from both Mars and AFC Wimbledon.
Jul 21, 2015
006 - Would You Eat a Moon Sandwich? (With Emma Blackery)
Hank is joined by Emma Blackery ( to give you some dubious advice about gherkins, Google Plus, fate and being short.
Jul 14, 2015
005 - Should I Lie to Get a Job? With Maureen Johnson
With John out of town on the Paper Towns press tour, Hank calls on long-time John-replacement Maureen Johnson to help co-host this extra long edition of Dear Hank and John. In it, we discuss the science of sight, whether it's OK to lie to get a job, and how to deal with that paralyzing feeling that your life isn't special and that you're just going to do all of the same boring crap everyone else has already done.
Jul 06, 2015
004 - What's in a Name?
Will a nickname change who I am? Are the bees OK? Should I go to a fancy college? And is it OK if you don't feel as sad as you think you should?
Jun 29, 2015
003 - Pain Demands to be Felt.
In which Hank and John discuss pain, the Istari, eschatology, and the slowness of apocalypses. Thank you to all of the many people sending in questions to
Jun 22, 2015
002 - It's a Humor Podcast!
In which Hank and John answer questions about global development, chronic pain, and being depressed in hotel rooms. It's a humor podcast!!
Jun 15, 2015
The Debut: Do You Pee on Your Own Head?
John and Hank get together for the very first time to answer to answer a bunch of questions. Will we go to Ava's wedding? What college major will help the world most? Have you ever peed on your own head? Will humans eventually colonize the galaxy? What's going on with Mars? Also...AFC Wimbledon?!
Jun 06, 2015