Having It ALL: Conversations about living an Abundant Loving Life

By Matthew Bivens | Raw and honest personal empowerment and self development strategies and tactics to inspire you to be your greatest self

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Description

In the Having It A.L.L. podcast we explore the question "What does it look like to have it all in life?" Each week I bring you interviews with great leaders, novel thinkers and people who have just plain figured things out. These interviews are always raw, honest, and personal, and will leave you walking with with actionable advice and relatable stories. My goal is to inspire you by showing you the upside of having it all, but to not sugarcoat the process of self discovery and healing that you frequently must go through to get there. My promise to you is to always be as authentic and transparent as possible, so you may not only learn from what I say but also from who I am being, and to inspire you to create your own path to Having It ALL.

Episode Date
How To Balance Out Your Health And Fitness In A Holistic and Sustainable Way
01:07:49

What does living a balanced life mean to you? Similarly, how do you define health and fitness? And how do your perceptions of these concepts impact your overall wellbeing?

I'm all about shifting paradigms and offering you new beliefs on this show, and today's episode does just that. 

In this episode I'm talking about how you can view the idea of "balance" in a way that doesn't leave you feeling defeated and frustrated. Whether you're in the camp that believes balance is achievable, or on the side that thinks balance is a myth -- you're correct! I'm here to present to you an idea of how you can balance out your health and fitness in a way that's sustainable and holistic.

I also offer up a new way to look at the words "health" and "fitness" that might just get you thinking about your daily habits in a new way. 

Great ready for a powerful conversation!

Aug 14, 2018
Codependency and Unhealthy Attachments In Relationships
43:33

How healthy would you say your attachment is with your partner?

I don't know where I picked it up, but somewhere in my adolescence I adopted the belief that a healthy relationship was one where I could not be happy if my partner was not happy.

It's simply a belief, and I'm not saying it right or wrong. Some of you may feel that way about your current relationship.

What that belief created for me was a level of attachment to my partner, maybe approaching full blown codependency, where I simultaneously felt responsible for their feelings and at the whim of them.

In today's episode I share an email from a listener who opens up on her relationship attachment. I appreciate her vulnerability and courage in this one because it gives us all a chance to heal and grow.

Have you signed up for the August TRUST Challenge yet? Join the HIA community as we commit to making 1 deposit into our personal TRUST account each day during the month of August, so we can build our sense of personal trustworthiness. Learn more and sign up here: http://www.matthewbivens.com/trust/

Aug 08, 2018
Your Personal Growth Depends On 3 Types Of Feedback (Are You Open To Them?)
34:01
How willing are you to receive and surrender to healthy feedback that comes from a trusted source? 
 
Be honest with yourself. 
 
Feedback is an integral part of the growth and evolution process, whether we're talking personal development or primates over the course of millions of years. Feedback (aka information) is what is needed to make tiny corrections and adjustments, which over time can result in huge changes.
 
In today's episode I'm sharing the three types of feedback that exist, and talk about why each one is essential for your own growth and evolution. I also dig into why you keep experiencing the same results over and over in your life. 
 
AND DON'T FORGET, the 31 Day TRUST Challenge kicks off tomorrow, Wednesday August 1st 2018. Get in on the fun as we build our internal TRUST accounts, and grow our self worth and confidence. It's free to sign up and participate. Get more info and sign up at http://www.matthewbivens.com/trust/
Jul 31, 2018
How Much Do You Really Trust Yourself? (Special Announcement)
20:37

How full is your personal TRUST account?

I'm not talking about a financial trust account. But the account we all have within us that measures how much TRUST we have in ourselves to do the things we say we're going to do.

So, what's your balance at right now?

Chances are, it could use a few more deposits!

Join us in the TRUST Challenge and make the commitment to daily deposits for the month of August 2018, and experience the massive impact that showing up for yourself constantly has on your life!

Sign up at www.MatthewBivens.com/trust

Jul 29, 2018
Sexual Consciousness & Vulnerable Masculinity with Robert Kandell
01:02:27
So, in terms of your present comfort level, how do you feel about conversations about sexuality, intimacy, masculinity and vulnerability?
 
Got any butterflies in your stomach? Then this episode is totally for you!
 
A few months ago, in an episode I did with my friend Kyla, I talked about Orgasmic Meditation. If you don't know what it is, you will soon! I've been practicing OM for 3 years now, and all this while I knew one person as the creator of OM --- Nicole Daedone. She has a Ted talk and is very visible in the sexual consciousness circles. Little did I know that she had a brilliant co-founder for OM and OneTaste, the brand that is pioneering OM and bringing consciousness to sexuality. His name is Rob Kandell, and he's my guest today!
 
Rob is a super fascinating guy. I definitely recommend you check out his website https://robertkandell.com/, and learn about everything he's up to. Since co-founding One Taste, he's gone on to lecture and coach on intimacy, relationships and sexuality. He's currently the host of the podcast Tuff Love (that T-U-F-F), and he has a book coming out called unHIDDEN – A Book for Men and Those Who Are Confused By Them
 
Rob and I spend the bulk of our convo talking about OM, Masculinity and Relationships. But one of the most interesting parts of the convo for me was when Rob started describing the free and open sexual community he helped build out in California. I was definiitely curious about thsoe stories!
 
So I'm very excited for you to listen to what I believe will be the first of many convos with Rob Kandell. Here it is!
Jul 25, 2018
Paying Forward Positivity
08:38
Today is a bit of a deviation from the normal episode. I was very inspired last night by something I saw on Instagram (it's rare, but when it happens it's potent), and I wanted to share this message with you all.
 
There are people in your life who you know, and many who you don't, who are influenced and inspired by you everyday. They see who you are choosing to be, and it gives them strength and hope that they can overcome the situations in their lives.
 
So if you are able to, I ask that you to pass along your positivity, abundance, and love to others. You never know what it could mean to another person. You never know what impact it might have.
Jul 21, 2018
Releasing the Myths and Stereotypes Around Masculinity
46:17

What are the myths and stereotypes around masculinity that you’re holding  and giving strength to?

Throughout my 31 years I've picked up all sorts of ideas around what it means to be a man. So many of those ideas reinforce dated and unhealthy stereotypes, and I'm ready to release them and adopt beliefs more accurate with the experience I want to have in life.

In today's episode I share my biggest stereotypes around masculinity, the things that trigger thoughts of comparison and feeling less than. I share these triggers and beliefs so that I may release them and to create space for you to do the same. 

Jul 18, 2018
Learning How To Say No Without Feeling Guilty
43:12

How comfortable are you saying "no" in your life?

So many of us struggle with saying no when people make requests of our time, space, energy, money, or love. We want to please. We want others to like us. We don't want to be seen as unhelpful or unavailable. 

So we say "yes" even when it doesn't serve us.

Do that enough, and we become "yes people", who are known for bending over backwards for others.

That's great and all, but saying "yes" too easily will always come back to bite us.

Often times, saying yes without hesitation (especially when we feel don't feel inspired to say "yes", but do it out of a feeling of guilt or obligation), is indication that we aren't aligning with our true self. 

In today's episode I talk about the challenge of saying "no", and give you very concrete and actionable tips for strengthening that muscle within you.

Jul 11, 2018
What Does It Look Like To Create Your Ideal Life RIGHT NOW?
28:59

What does it look like to create your ideal life RIGHT NOW?

I want you to seriously ask yourself this question.

Because chances are you're reciting some version of this to yourself: "My ideal life is when I have XYZ, or when I accomplish 123, or when ABC things happen for me". It's a normal thing to do.

But what's on the other side of that coin is the feeling that we are not able to create and experience our ideal version of our lives UNTIL some point in the future.

Jul 03, 2018
3 Beliefs That Have Radically Transformed My Life
22:17

What is one belief that you know has radically transformed your life for the better?

Beliefs are something I talk about a ton on this show. The beliefs that you choose to wear on impact your actions, your habits, your relationships, your perspective on life.

I use the phrase "choose to wear on" incredibly intentionally as well! Because beliefs are things that you can put on like a piece of clothing, wear a while to see how they fit, and keep or discard at your choosing.

In today's episode I share with you three specific beliefs that I have chosen to wear on in my life that have radically transformed my life in powerful ways.

Jun 27, 2018
The Success Rituals That Empower My Health, Relationships, Business and Spirituality Part 2
47:25
Today's episode is part 2 of my series where I share with you the rituals that I've cultivated and use to help me win in my health, relationships, business and spirituality. Today I'm talking about Business and Spirituality.
 
---
 
How are your rituals impacting your life?
 
Big question, I know, but the point is to get you to reflect on your rituals and how they are impacting your day-to-day. 
 
Rituals are simply actions you perform in a certain order. You have rituals for waking up, going to sleep, and a whole host of other things. Many times we don't think about our rituals, we just get into them and our bodies go on autopilot. 
 
But when we're intentional about our rituals, we have a major opportunity to influence ourselves to better health, wealth, relationships and source connection.
 
The habits I've created in these areas help to raise my energy, improve my health, enrich my relationships (with my spouse and others), and deepen my connection with myself and with source. 
 
Your habits and rituals will either move you closer to health, vitality and LIFE, or further away. My intention is that after listening to this episode you become more intentional with the things you do each day so that they are helping you have your version of an abundant loving life!
 
Show Notes:
Jun 24, 2018
The Success Rituals That Empower My Health, Relationships, Business and Spirituality Part 1
38:45
How are your rituals impacting your life?
 
Big question, I know, but the point is to get you to reflect on your rituals and how they are impacting your day-to-day. 
 
Rituals are simply actions you perform in a certain order. You have rituals for waking up, going to sleep, and a whole host of other things. Many times we don't think about our rituals, we just get into them and our bodies go on autopilot. 
 
But when we're intentional about our rituals, we have a major opportunity to influence ourselves to better health, wealth, relationships and source connection.
 
In today's episode I share with you the rituals that I've cultivated and use to help me win in my health, relationships, business and spirituality. The habits I've created in these areas help to raise my energy, improve my health, enrich my relationships (with my spouse and others), and deepen my connection with myself and with source. 
 
Your habits and rituals will either move you closer to health, vitality and LIFE, or further away. My intention is that after listening to this episode you become more intentional with the things you do each day so that they are helping you have your version of an abundant loving life!
 
Show Notes:
Jun 20, 2018
Creating Thriving Relationships: My interview on The Extraordinary Life Podcast
01:08:16

What does your extraordinary life look like?

On today's episode I'm bringing you something different. Normally I'm the one interviewing other people, but today I'm the one being interviewed!

This past week I was interviewed by Tiago Buhr, host of The Extraordinary Life Podcast. On his show, Tiago interviews people to learn insights on how to create an extraordinary life in all areas: business, freedom, spirituality, finances, health, sexuality, relationships and purpose.

Our conversation was raw, honest and emotional. We focused a lot of relationships and how to create healthy, thriving relationships. 

I'm excited for you to hear this one!

Show Notes:

 

Jun 16, 2018
Rejection Therapy and How Seeking Rejection Leads To Happiness with Alex Grodnik
34:57

When was the last time you intentionally tried to get rejected?

The idea of being rejected, being told “no”, or failing can freeze us in our tracks. Personally, the possibility of rejection has intimidated me in inaction countless times in my life.

I was talking with a friend recently and he told me about a concept called “Rejection Therapy” that he was introduced to in business school, which completely changed his relationship to fear and rejection.

On today’s episode I invite my friend Alex Grodnik onto the show to talk to me about rejection therapy and how it helped him gain confidence and humility.

If the idea of seeking out rejection gives you anxiety just thinking about it, then you want to tune into this one!

Show Notes:

Jun 12, 2018
Being Deeply Introverted And Finding Direction In Life
55:00

Have you ever felt completely lost in your life? Like you didn't know what you were "supposed" to do, who you should be as a person, and what your true passion was?

Geeze, I sure have!

I spent years in a state of confusion about all of those things. And truth be told, the fog is still lifting.

In today's episode I'm sharing the mic with Paul Colaianni - personal empowerment coach and host of The Overwhelmed Brain Podcast - to talk about introversion and finding your way in life.

The topic comes by way of a listener email. In this case, a listener of Paul's podcast The Overwhelmed Brain reached out to him for advice. 

What you're hearing on today's show is me joining Paul on his podcast to answer his listener question. 

If you consider yourself an introvert, have felt lost in life, have never really felt like you know who you should be as a person, and feel like you're lacking direction, then this is an episode to tune into.

Show Notes:

 

Jun 09, 2018
The Morning And Nighttime Routines That Help Me Win At Life
41:30
How intentional are you with the way you start and end your day?
 
For years I completely neglected the importance of my morning and nighttime routines. No one taught me to think otherwise and therefore I simply rolled out of bed into life and went from there. 
 
But as I grew older, began to take on more roles and responsibilities in my life, and began to feel the weight of life itself, I realized that the way I began and ended my day had a tremendous impact on what happened during my waking hours. 
 
In today's episode I share with you the very specific habits and routines I use in the morning and evening to set myself up for success each day. 
 
Show Notes:
Jun 05, 2018
A Message To Younger Me About School And Work
37:30

If you could deliver a message to younger generations, or perhaps your younger self, what would you say?

I had a chance to do that in today’s episode, thanks to a great listener email from Marcus.

Here is his email:

Hey Matt!,

I recently found your podcasts online and they have proven to be extremely beneficial. I just want to applaud you on the success of the podcast and let you know that I'll be looking forward to hearing more of the advice you have to offer. With that being said, I wanted to know if you could do a podcast pertaining to the younger generations, mainly those who may be dealing with issues at home, in college, or just at the workplace in general. Possibly even diving deeper with advice regarding college dropouts who may be uncertain of where to go next or how to remain optimistic for the future. This would be especially helpful for myself and others who are in similar positions! Thanks again!

In today’s episode I reply to Marcus’s email, sharing the advice I’d give my former self around college and the workplace.

I stressed about school and “what I was supposed to do with my life” beginning in my Junior year of high school, and extending all the way through graduate school (that’s about 9 years of stress).

Then when I began my career, I chose workplaces that were not supportive of my holistic health.

So this email resonated with me powerfully!

If you have a message you want to share to your former self, that you’d like for me to read on the podcast, send them to me at mattcbivens@gmail.com

May 30, 2018
Our Biggest Sexual Insecurities And How To Get Over Them with Kyla Sokol-Ward
01:29:58

So, let’s get real personal for a second: what are your biggest bedroom insecurities? What are those thoughts, stories and emotions that you bring into the bedroom that create nervousness, anxiety, or fear?

Yeah, I went there.

Why am I asking this question? Because talking about our bedroom insecurities is incredibly important, yet we rarely ever do it.

Sometimes we may share a few things here and there to our closest friends (if you’re like me then that’s even off the table), but rarely do we sit down and have raw and honest conversations about what makes us most sexually insecure.

Today we’re having that conversation.

On today’s episode I’m talking once again with my friend Kyla Sokol-Ward. We’re sharing our biggest bedroom insecurities, talking about why opening up is important, and giving you real action steps that you can take to dissolve your bedroom fears.

This is Kyla’s second time on the podcast. In our first conversation we talked about sexual energy, and you can listen to that episode here: https://www.havingitallpodcast.com/single-post/Exploring-Sexual-Energy-What-Our-Relationship-With-Sex-Reveals-About-Ourselves

May 27, 2018
My Personal Mission Statement: Why Knowing What You're Playing For Will Change Your Life
55:00

What are you playing for in life?

Each of us have something that we're playing for in our lives. Some reason that we're waking up each morning and doing what we do. You already know the power of being intentional and having a vision for your life. One powerful tool that I've used to help me become the person I want to become, is a personal mission statement.

Personal mission statements bring focus and purpose to your life. They help you stay in alignment with who you want to become and what you want to experience in life. They act as a north star, a guiding and measurement tool for when you find yourself in challenging situations. 

Bottom line, personal mission statements can help you lead a fulfilling, intentional and impactful life. 

I've talked a lot about them on this podcast, and in today's episode I'm sharing with you my new personal mission statement (the result of months of internal deep diving), and unpacking all of its elements. 

If you have a personal mission statement, a personal mantra that inspires you, or perhaps a word or phrase that you turn to to help you reignite your internal flame, share it with me! I'd love to put energy behind those words so you can create the life experience and results that you want. Reach out to me at mattcbivens@gmail.com.

May 22, 2018
Dealing With The Ebbs And Flows Of Life
19:38

When was the last time you felt like you were in a low point in your life?

When things were just not flowing like they usually do, and you wanted to get back on your horse.

On the flip side, when did you last feel like your life could not get sweeter and that more and more blessings were coming your way?

These my friends are the ebbs and flows of life. The ups and downs that we all experience. Constantly.

At times life kicks us in the a**, and then serves us up another helping when we thought it was over.

And at other times it feels like the gods are smiling down at us and conspiring to make things go our way.

In today's episode I talk about the truth about life that we sometimes don't want to embrace: that life ebbs and flows. 

I share a funk that I've been in recently and what it's brought up within me. 

And I leave you with tangible methods for getting yourself out of the ebbs, and for taking full advantage of the flows. 

May 19, 2018
Abundant Love Q&A with Matthew and Sarah
01:26:27

Who wants to talk about Abundant Love again?!

Judging from your response to the first abundant love episode, YOU DO!

In the episode titled "Being An Abundant Lover: How I Create Healing, Empowering and Joyful Relationships In and Outside My Marriage" (which you want to listen to before this one), Sarah and I introduce a new paradigm in love and sex called "Abundant Love", and boy did you all have questions.

In today's episode Sarah and I answer your most pressing questions about Abundant Love and how we make our unique love-style work for us.

This one is raw and honest, so get yourself in the space to listen some authentic sharing before you press play (and it's a good idea to not listen around young ears for this one).

Show Notes:

 

May 15, 2018
Exploring Sexual Energy: What Our Relationship With Sex Reveals About Ourselves with Kyla Sokoll-Ward (Rebroadcast)
56:12

For today's episode I'm sharing with you one a great conversation I had with my friend Kyla Sokol-Ward, all about sexual energy. 

This episode made me excited and nervous all at the same time, and the topics we dive into are great because they give us a chance to confront some ideas and beliefs we hold that may no longer be serving us. 

I'm republishing this today also to tease you about a new conversation I'll be publishing in the coming weeks with Kyla, this time about insecurities in the bedroom! You definitely don't want to miss that one.

But for now, enjoy my first chat with Kyla. 

May 08, 2018
Here's One Reason You May Be Unfulfilled In Your Job And Relationships
25:33
Do you hold the expectation that your relationship must check off all of your fulfillment boxes? How about your job, are you telling yourself that your job must be the perfect alignment of your passions, gifts and talents?
 
I don't know where I picked up this story, but somewhere in my life I convinced myself that my partners (girlfriends and then wife), were SUPPOSED to fulfill me in every way: sexually, emotionally, mentally, socially, and every other way I can think of.
 
And somewhere else in my life I picked up the story that if my job wasn't the perfect combination of my passions, gifts and talents, and that if presented any friction for me, then I must not be in the right field of work.
 
Can you relate to these beliefs?
 
Holding onto these beliefs as truths has led to tumultuous relationships and frustrating career moves.
 
But have you stopped to examine exactly how that story has impacted your life? And whether or not another belief can be inserted that can help you create a better experience in your relationship and job?
 
Take a listen while I examine the belief that our relationships and careers must fulfill us in every way in order for them to be deemed "worthy and successful". 
 

Show Notes

Abraham Hicks video - https://youtu.be/mH3ppHYping

 

Sponsor

This episode is brought to you by Health I.Q.

Health I.Q. is an insurance company that helps health conscious people like yoga lovers, runners and vegetarians get lower rates on their life insurance. Go to HealthIQ.com/ALL to support the show and see if you qualify.

May 02, 2018
How To Be Grateful For Family Emotional Triggers
35:18
When was the last time a family member set you off?
 
Family has this amazing ability to press our buttons like nothing else. They seem to know exactly what to say and how to say it to get behind our defenses, and find those tiny areas where they can trigger a huge emotional eruption. And they do is so effortlessly. It's enough to make you feel incredibly anxious, angry and defensive just thinking about it!
 
For me, it feels like the older I've become the more family triggers I have. And when those triggers go unchecked, I can feel like I'm at the whim of my emotions and at the whim of my family members.
 
Recently I was visiting family and experienced two separate situations which set off the emotional fireworks within me. It hit me quickly and left me frozen in my tracks.
 
I explore those two situations in today's episode, sharing how I handled the situations in the moment, the awareness I gained after the fact, and the gratitude I have for the people involved. 
 
Only through awareness of our triggers can we begin to do something about them. And when our family press our buttons, we don't have to feel like victims on the defensive. We can actually feel gratitude, compassion and love. 
 
Show Notes:

 

Apr 29, 2018
Why Being Family Centered Leads To Pain
40:24

What happens when we derive our sense of security, wisdom, power and guidance from our family?

By the title of this episode you can guess that my argument is "Nothing good comes from that!"

In my life, I've experienced the consequence of attaching my happiness, sense of peace and overall wellbeing to the perceptions of my family. The result was an emotional rollercoaster that, at times, I'm still trying to get off. 

In this episode I explore what it means to be family centered. I look at the impact to your security, wisdom, power and guidance from putting your family at the center of your universe. I talk about my experiences of being family centered, and also what I've done to move from a family center to something more effective. 

Show Notes:

 The 7 Habits Of Highly Effective People by Stephen Covey - https://www.amazon.com/Habits-Highly-Effective-People-Powerful/dp/0743269519
 
Apr 24, 2018
Using Faith, Trust And Surrender To Expand Your Life
44:10
What is faith? How does it differ from religion and spirituality? And how can you grow faith in your life?
 
If you've ever asked yourself these questions then you're going to get some answers in this episode!
 
I wanted to explore faith today because I know for myself, the idea of faith wasn't always clear to me. In my mind I connected faith with religion, so when I left religion in my teen years I also left faith.
 
My understanding and experience today is quite different, and so is my relationship with faith.
 
I view our faith as a critical element on our journey for healing, growth, alignment, happiness and peace.
 
And faith plays a huge part of the Having It A.L.L. system. Remember, A.L.L. stands for Abundant Loving Life, and Life can be broken down into the 6 F's: Faith, Family, Friends, Fitness, Finance, Fun. It's the first of the 6 F's for a reason!
 
So today, join me as I explore what faith is, how it differs from religion and spirituality, and how you can cultivate your own faith (even if you're staring from scratch).
 
 
Show Notes
 
Sponsor

This episode is brought to you by Health I.Q.

Health I.Q. is an insurance company that helps health conscious people like yoga lovers, runners and vegetarians get lower rates on their life insurance. Go to HealthIQ.com/ALL to support the show and see if you qualify.

Apr 18, 2018
What To Do When Your Relationship Feels Forced
40:08
What do you do when your relationship feels forced? When you feel like you're at an emotional crossroads and both decisions ahead of you feel scary?
 
In today's episode I'm answering a listener email from "Kim". I talk about:
  • Self worth conversations
  • Confidence and fulfillment
  • Being at a relationship crossroads
  • Consequences of asking deep questions
I know that a ton of you will be able to relate to this conversation!
 
If you have a question or topic you want me to address in an episode, send them to mattcbivens@gmail.com.
 

Sponsor

This episode is brought to you by Health I.Q.

Go and check out Health I.Q.! They are an insurance company that helps health conscious people like yoga lovers, runners and vegetarians get lower rates on their life insurance. Go to HealthIQ.com/ALL to support the show and see if you qualify.

Apr 10, 2018
Here's How Fasting Has Helped Me Deal With My Emotions
14:28

How aware are you of the connection between your emotions and your ability to keep commitments?

Until recently, I really didn't think much about it. 

But a few things have come up with me recently that really shines the spotlight on how huge of a roll my emotions play in my decision making. 

FIRST- I’m fasting today. I’m on a 24 hour juice fast. In the past I would do this fast weekly, every Monday. But when Sarah and I got pregnant I stopped (because she stopped as well — emotions at play!).  I’ve started back up again, and I’m now on my second week of intermittent fasting

The reason I fast is simple — it gives me an opportunity to release my emotional attachments. Yes, I get physical benefits as well — I like the feeling of giving my gut a bit of a rest regularly (I cleanse more, more pooping, and I feel like it’s a nice physical reset). But truly it’s about my emotions. I’m an emotional eater. I realized this only when I began fasting.

So as I was recording this episode, I was hungry. I had a green juice next to me and a bottle of water, but I didn’t want any of that. I wanted the lentils and salad that Maya's nanny cooked. I wanted the leftovers I had in the fridge. I wanted the cereal in the cabinet. I wanted everything! But despite what my emotions wanted, I choosing to stick to this fast, hold this weekly standard, and practice releasing that attachment. 

SECOND - my life coach recently got on my butt about commitments. He showed me how my fears around making certain commitments had everything to do with emotions, and nothing to do with scheduling and being “busy”, which is the excuses I was using. I did not trust myself to be able to show up, regardless of how I was feeling. Show up despite the emotions. 

When you can keep a commitment to yourself, regardless of your emotions, it helps you in being able to keep commitments to others, regardless of your emotions. 

So I invite all of you to practice this with me. Let’s all choose something small that we’ll commit to for the rest of the month. That’s just over 2 weeks. It can be a daily habit or a weekly habit, but whatever you choose you gotta STICK TO IT.

I’m going to keep up my weekly fasting through the month (and beyond). 

Here are some examples of powerful habits to get your imagination going:

  • 5 minute meditation
  • 10 morning pushups
  • 5 minute gratitude journaling
  • Call a family member or loved one
  • Go for a walk outside
  • Send an affirmation to a friend or loved one
  • go to be earlier or get up earlier
  • Spend 20 minutes reviewing your budget at the end of the week
  • Take 10 minutes at the beginning of your week to write down your intentions for the week

You choose the habit. You choose the frequency. 

We’ll do it for just this month. It’s about doing something small in your life that can have a big impact. Its about keeping the commitments we make TO OURSELVES, because we understand that they ripple and impact everything other area of our lives. 

Share with me your commitment. 

  • email - mattcbivens@gmail.com
  • instagram - matthew_bivens
  • twitter - mattbivens
  • website - havingitallpodcast.com
Apr 07, 2018
5 Lessons Learned From Authentic And Honest Conversations With My Parents
35:14

Transparency and authenticity have certainly been theme of this podcast recently!

And for great reason. There is no abundant loving life when we're living lives of withhold, fear and attachment.

It just doesn't happen.

I experienced this lesson first hand recently, and in today's episode I'm sharing with you that experience and the 5 lessons I learned.

It started with a mini epiphany I had during a workout with my coach and mentor, who challenged me to think deeply and intentionally about my thoughts on transparency. This caused me to get past the BS (aka my ego), and realize that I was withholding some very significant aspects of myself from some of the people who I'm closest with -- my mother and father.

That realization, combined with the accountability that YOU all have provided through this podcast, led me to make a few phone calls to my parents.

I'm excited to share with you exactly what went down and what I learned from those phone calls, because I know that in my sharing you can find takeaways to apply to your life.


Show Notes

Sponsor

This episode is brought to you by Health I.Q.

Go and check out Health I.Q.! They are an insurance company that helps health conscious people like yoga lovers, runners and vegetarians get lower rates on their life insurance. Go to HealthIQ.com/ALL to support the show and see if you qualify.

 

Apr 03, 2018
Speaking Your Voice And Showing Up Authentically
36:40

How often are you speaking your truth, displaying courage over consideration and sharing the thoughts, feelings and ideas that are really on your heart? How frequently are you being UNAPOLOGETICALLY YOU, without all the things you do, say and wear on to please others?

Today's episode is all about the importance of speaking your voice and showing up authentically in every interaction.

SPONSOR

This episode is brought to you by Health I.Q.

Go and check out Health I.Q.! They are an insurance company that helps health conscious people like yoga lovers, runners and vegetarians get lower rates on their life insurance.  Go to HEALTHIQ.COM/ALL to support the show and see if you qualify.

Mar 28, 2018
Being An Abundant Lover: How I Create Healing, Empowering and Joyful Relationships In and Outside My Marriage
01:58:45
Are your most intimate relationships (sexual and otherwise) creating healing, empowerment and joy within you?
 
For years my paradigm around sex and intimate relationships was fixed. I viewed sex as a way to have fun, make babies, and relieve stress. And all of my sexual encounters pretty much fell into those boxes. 
 
I also had a very fixed view around relationships, marriage, and masculinity. I had beliefs about how relationships were supposed to look and operate, what marriage meant and the rules of engagement within that type of agreement, and how men were supposed to act and feel within all of that. 
 
The result of these viewpoints: I was pretty fucked up inside.
 
My head and my heart were pulling me in opposite directions. What I was modeled and taught was clashing with how I felt, and I didn't know what to do.
 
The result was an immense amount of guilt, shame, confusion, frustration and a whole host of other emotions that I laid onto myself to deal with this internal state of flux.
 
Today I am at a much different place. I have a new understanding of what's possible within the most intimate of relationships.  
 
This episode is incredibly vulnerable for me because I'm talking about something that I've only hinted at before. I share the style of LOVING and the style of LIVING that I've chosen for myself, one that created the biggest opportunities within me for personal growth, healing and transformation. 

If this episode resonates with you and you'd like to connect with me, you can reach me at mattcbivens@gmail.com or through the contact page on my website: https://www.havingitallpodcast.com/contact

 

SPONSOR

This episode is brought to you by Health I.Q.

Go and check out Health I.Q.! They are an insurance company that helps health conscious people like yoga lovers, runners and vegetarians get lower rates on their life insurance.  Go to HEALTHIQ.COM/ALL to support the show and see if you qualify.

Mar 20, 2018
How Are You Sacrificing Joy By Killing Possibility?
09:42

How are you sacrificing your joy, abundance and greatness by killing possibility?

In today's episode I'm sharing an experience I had recently that shined light on how I was completely destroying possibility in my life. This self-destructive habit was operating completely on auto-pilot, and I know I'm not alone!

Mar 17, 2018
What My Weed Habit Taught Me About Fear and Dependency
41:53
What can your past habits, attachments, and behaviors tell you about how you relate to life?
 
For me, taking a look at my past gives me so many insights and tools which I can use in my life today. 
 
One area which has proven to be a rich source of lessons, is my previous attachment to weed (marijuana). 
 
In my late teens and early twenties, I had a daily weed habit. What started out as something I’d do for fun with friends, turned into a daily pull that left me feeling guilty, judgmental, and gave me an excuse to isolate myself from friends and loved ones.
 
Now, it’s important I stress that it wasn’t the weed that did this, IT WAS MY RELATIONSHIP TO IT. I 100% own the role that I played in all of this, and that I willingly used weed as a crutch. 
 
I know there are tons of people out there who use weed responsibly and have healthy relationship to it. I would count myself as one of those people in the beginning (shoot, I may even be one of those people today if I took it up again!)
 
But back when my attachment was at it’s peak, I certainly did not have a healthy relationship with weed. 
 
In this episode I’m walking you through my entire relationship with weed. From the beginnings, to when it became my preferred substance for enhancement/escape, to when it became something I chose over real relationships with people, to when I quit cold turkey, and to my relationship today. 
 
My hope with this episode is that we can all take lessons from how I used and experienced weed, and that we can apply those lessons to create the results and experiences in our lives moving forward!
Mar 13, 2018
Building Greater Trust And Honesty In Your Relationships: Part 1
41:16

If you were to rate from 1-10 the level of trust, honesty and authenticity in your current most important relationships, where would you rate them?

You already know that trust is a crucial element for a powerful relationship, and it's probably something that's come up in your past or current relationships.

For me, trust was a major component of my previous relationships ending. The women I dated struggled to trust me, largely in part because I didn't trust myself.

Years later I've created a truly amazing relationship where trust is a non-issue, but the road there wasn't always straight and clear.

Today's episode is inspired by a listener email. In the email "Mark" shares his struggles with trust in his relationship.

I was excited to dive into this topic because relationships are such important aspects of our lives. They really are everything. Our relationships to Self, Others and Life create the lens through which we see the world. These relationships color everything and impact our actions, thoughts and behavior.

Tune in to hear my advice to Mark and learn some of the ways I've built a trusting relationship with my wife.

This is part 1 of a multi-part series I'll be doing on trust. In a future episode I'll have my wife Sarah on the show to talk about what we've done as a couple to create more trust in our relationship.

If this episode resonates with you and you'd like to connect with me, you can reach me at mattcbivens@gmail.com or through the contact page on my website: https://www.havingitallpodcast.com/contact

This episode is sponsored by Health IQ, an insurance company that helps health conscious people like yoga lovers, runners and vegetarians get lower rates on their life insurance. Go to HEALTHIQ.COM/ALL to support the show and see if you qualify.

Mar 06, 2018
My Experience, Struggles and Lessons Of Being Biracial
43:00
Can you relate with feeling uncomfortable in your own skin?
 
I can.
 
Growing up biracial (white mother and black father), I learned early on that society likes being able to fit you into a nice, neat box with a proper label. Being asked "What are you?" at an early age left me feeling confused and questioning my value and self worth.
 
In this episode, I'm diving deep into my own experience of growing up biracial, and the disempowering (and sometimes empowering) stories, perceptions and beliefs that I carried around with me.
 
As we all work towards experiencing a more Abundant Loving Life, our conversations around race are an important part of our personal narratives. 
 
If this episode resonates with you and you'd like to connect with me, you can reach me at mattcbivens@gmail.com or through the contact page on my website: https://www.havingitallpodcast.com/contact
 
This episode is sponsored by Health IQ, an insurance company that helps health conscious people like yoga lovers, runners and vegetarians get lower rates on their life insurance.  Go to HEALTHIQ.COM/ALL to support the show and see if you qualify.
 
Feb 27, 2018
How To Jumpstart Your Life When You’re Feeling Lost, Confused and Lacking Motivation
38:42
How many of us can relate to feeling like we don’t know where we’re going in life? Or the feeling of being lost and confused, even when you’re “supposed” to have it all together?
 
Maybe you’ve always felt that way, or perhaps you’ve just slipped into that state and are looking for a way out.
 
In today’s episode I’m doing something I haven’t done yet on the Having It A.L.L. podcast, I’m answering an email from a listener.
 
This email comes from “Jim”, and he paints a scenario which I’m very familiar with. Jim writes:
 
Matt,

I am writing this email to you (which is something I would never normally do) but I've been listening to your podcasts for a few months now, well, I've actually been listening to many podcasts for that matter; but, I've recently really connected to your podcast and I have to say it has opened up my mind to so many more possibilities for my life.

I am a man in my mid 40’s with a great family, an unbelievable wife and the greatest girls ever. But, I have been struggling with my confidence for years and while I may act like I've got my stuff together, I am a lost, confused soul. But, I don't feel like I'm that far off if that makes any sense to you. I struggle with the inability to get moving, the motivation to just start. I am an over-thinker and i have to weigh all my options before I get started on anything and I know that is one of my many flaws.

I write this all to simply ask, can you direct me to any of your podcasts or any other mediums that you've used in the past that helped you along the way? I am bound and determined to live my life to the fullest so any suggestions on where I can start would be greatly appreciated. 

Keep up the great work on your podcast!!!

 
Listen to this episode if you can relate to Jim, as I’m breaking down 6 very distinct things you can do to get clear on what you want and break out of your funk. 
 
If you have a question you’d like for me to answer on the air, visit the Contact page on my website and reach out to me: https://www.havingitallpodcast.com/contact
 
Show Notes:
 
Feb 25, 2018
How To Deal With A Confidence and Self Worth Breakdown
46:17
When was the last time you had a major breakdown in confidence and self worth?
 
So often when our confidence is shook and we're questioning our own value, it's a major challenge to recover and get back into a powerful place. I have too many stories that are a testament to this.
 
In today's episode I'm sharing one of these stories - my recent experience attending my wife's high school reunion. I went through the gamut of emotions, limiting beliefs, and self deprecating stories, leading up to and during this reunion. I questioned my abilities as an entrepreneur, husband and provide. It was fascinating!!
 
The whole experience was so eye opening to me that I'm still extracting lessons from it months later.
 
In the episode you're going to hear me talk about:
  • What initially came up for me when I first heard we'd be going to the reunion
  • How my fears, judgements, and self-worth conversations impacted how I showed up
  • What I tried in the moment to get myself out of my head and ego, and into my heart and power
  • And what I would do differently next time now being on the other side of the experieince
 
Enjoy!
 
 
Feb 20, 2018
Exploring Sexual Energy: What Our Relationship With Sex Reveals About Ourselves with Kyla Sokoll-Ward
55:04

What is sexual energy?

Before a few years ago, I wouldn’t have a clear answer for you. Today I can shed a little more light on the topic, from my experiences and conversations, but I’m still a baby in that area (and that keeps me humbled and excited!)

One thing I know is that sexual energy is life energy, and it’s a vital part of who we are as humans. That’s what I choose to believe anyway.

There are a couple of other people out in the world who think similarly, and today’s guest is one of them.

Meet Kyla Sokol-Ward --- coach, transformer, healer and lover. Kyla is one of those people with both a relatable and inspiring story. Relatable in that her struggles with self acceptance, attachment and identity feel incredibly familiar to me. I have been there and have felt the emotions that come along with those challenges. Where her story has inspired me is in how she chose to respond to those circumstances, intentionally building her capacity to love and honor herself, and grow beyond her limitations.

Kyla reached out to me with an idea to talk about sexual energy, and honestly it made me uncomfortable. Even though I’ve been open on the podcast about talking about my personal journey with sexual expression, healing and transformation, I hadn’t dedicated an entire episode to it, nor had I spoken about it with another woman. I had hesitations about doing this episode because of judgement about what my wife might think and feel. It was me living in consideration rather than courage. Very quickly after I had those feelings I knew that I had to have Kyla on the show, and the rest is history.

It goes without saying that this episode is not for young ears. We get into some deep conversations about sex, sexual expression, sexual practices, and everything in between. You’re going to hear about how the act of sex can be incredibly healing and how it reveals many things about our character. You’re going to hear our personal stories around sex. And you’re going to hear our very tangible action items for creating a more powerful relationship towards sex in your own life.

Buckle up because we’re going in (pun intended) on this episode!

Show Notes:

Feb 17, 2018
How Are Your Fears Preventing The Greatness Of Others?
31:55
How are the decisions you're making and the person you're being, giving those around you permission to play small and stay in their fears?
 
It's a heavy question and one with far reaching consequences. 
 
I recently had an experience where I witnessed how the small decisions of a few people impacted a large group. We all know that people watch us and are influenced by our decisions, and that the decisions we make have ripples that can travel far. I'm not sharing anything new here.
 
Yet, what struck me was the reality that many times people are looking for permission to play small, and they are looking to us to give them that permission.
 
In this episode I'm exploring why we look to others to help us stay in our fears, and am giving you things to think about next time you are on the fence yourself. 
Feb 13, 2018
What's The Point Of Going After Anything That's Reasonable?
35:55

What's the point of going after anything that's reasonable in life?

I absolutely love this question because I believe answering it gets to the core of what we are all playing for in life. HAVING IT ALL and experiencing an unreasonable amount of abundance and love in every area of life.

That's worth going after!

I'm psyched for this episode because it marks the kickoff of the new Having It A.L.L. season. For this first episode of 2018, I was inspired by something I heard in another amazing podcast, The School Of Greatness from Lewis Howes. The guest on this particular episode, Scooter Braun, posed the question to the audience. I love it because for those of us courageous enough to dive into our healing and growth journeys, we know what going after the "unreasonable" looks and feels like.

To some people, believing that you can "have it all" is unreasonable. Believing you can have amazing relationships with your family and friends and lovers is unreasonable. Believing that you can have a thriving and successful career without sacrificing your health is unreasonable. Believing you be balanced in your life is unreasonable.

Those people are correct - in their world view.

But we are different. We believe in having it all. We believe that the Universe's abundance is something we can access whenever we choose, by aligning our selves to core principles and powerful ideas. We believe that love heals and transforms and that it emanates from within us. We believe that everything we want lies on the other side of fear, and we're willing to take whatever massive action is necessary to experience that.

We believe in the A.L.L. -- Abundant Loving Life -- and we're playing for great things!

This episode kicks off some very powerful new messages and conversations. I'm incredibly excited and grateful to have you on this journey with me.

Let's do it!

Show Notes:

  • School Of Greatness Podcast episode with Scooter Braun "Choose What Lights You Up" - https://lewishowes.com/podcast/i-choose-what-lights-you-up/
Feb 06, 2018
Your Relationships Are Killing You (Rebroadcast)
34:01

I'd love to learn more about you and what you like/dislike about the podcast so that I can make the best show possible for you! If you have 3 minutes, please fill out my quick survey at: http://www.matthewbivens.com/survey/

How aware are you of the impact your relationships are having on your health?

In today's episode (which is a rebroadcast of the show from July 11 2016), I'm diving into relationships (and I'm not talking about relationships in the way you might be thinking).

This episode will get you thinking.

What you’ll learn in this episode:

  • The types of relationships that take away from your health
  • How to reframe “stress” so you regain your power
  • A simple process for relating more powerfully to any circumstance
Jan 24, 2018
Holding Onto A Lie To Keep The Relationship Going - My Guest Appearance On The Overwhelmed Brain Podcast
01:36:42

When you discover that your partner has been holding onto a lie, how does that impact your relationship? 

Today I have a special episode for you! One of my favorite things about hosting this podcast is the amazing people I've been able to meet. One of those people is Paul Colaianni. He was a guest of mine back in the early days of the show, and since then he and I have struck up a friendship. Paul hosts a terrific podcast called The Overwhelmed Brain, which is a personal development show for critical thinkers. He has a very practical and grounded approach to growth and healing, and his show constantly sits on the top of the iTunes Self Help charts. 

A few months ago Paul invited me to join him on an episode of The Overwhelmed Brain to provide my feedback and insight on some listener mail he had received. The topic: lies in relationships.

So in today's episode I'm bringing you my entire conversation with Paul on The Overwhelmed Brain podcast. 

And I highly encourage you check out Paul's show. See links below.

Show Notes:

Jan 16, 2018
A Sneak Peak At The Balance and Motherhood Podcast
25:49

When it comes to podcasting, I'm not just a guy behind the mic. I'm also a guy behind the people behind the mics, meaning that I also produce shows for folks! You can learn about that at www.Done4UPodcasting.com

One of the shows I produce is for my badass wife, Sarah Bivens. Her new podcast is called "The Balance and Motherhood Podcast", and on today's episode I'm giving you all a sneak peak into her new show.

Check it out, and if you like what you hear then you can find her show on iTunes, Google Play, Stitcher and all the rest. You can also learn more about what Sarah does on her website at www.SarahBivens.com.

New episodes of Having It A.L.L. will be out in February. So stay tuned!

Jan 09, 2018
Who Will You Become In 2018? My Favorite Practice For Ensuring A Healthy, Wealthy and Amazing New Year
21:54

Who will you become in 2018?

We're all used to setting new years resolutions and goals for what we want to DO in the upcoming year, but rarely do we make time for a much more important exercise -- being clear on who we want to become in the new year.

I believe that setting a word for the year will empower you to create the results you wish in that year, more so than setting new year resolutions and goals. Your word will create context and give your goals perspective. Striving to live into your word will influence how you feel about the year and what you accomplish, which is much more important than the things you actually check off of your to-do list.

So listen up as I share my word for 2017 and how it impacted my year, break down the meaning behind my word for 2018, and tease some updates to the Having It A.L.L. podcast.

Jan 01, 2018
The 3 Mindsets That Have Transformed My Confidence, Relationships and Wealth (Rebroadcast)
22:57

How are you going to make 2018 greater than 2017?

You might be thinking of DOING something different -- eating healthier foods, being more intentional with your business, loving on your family more.

But there's a great chance that you'll be ending 2018 with the same feelings of having fallen short, if you continue with the DOING approach.

This episode originally aired in March of this year, but the subject matter is completely relevant for us as we head into the new year.

In today's episode I'm sharing with you three mindsets that have been the biggest catalysts for my personal transformation over the past 4 years. From my self confidence, to the quality of my relationships, to my ability to attract money and create wealth, these 3 things have been the spark for them all. 

This episode was inspired by a question I was asked last week, "What would you attribute to the huge transformation you've made in your life over the past 4 years?".

Here's where I was:

  • I didn't trust myself. I had low confidence that I could do and achieve what I wanted to in life (financially, career wise, goal wise, in relationships, etc.)
  • I wore a mask of physical confidence -- friends saw me as a person who was confident in my body, but internally I judged, and compared and told myself that I was never big, strong, "black" enough.
  • I had complete financial immaturity. I was totally scarce minded. Afraid to look at my bank account. Anxious during financial conversation. I was swimming in student loan and credit card debt, and had no plan to get out because I was so scared of my personal finances. 
  • I had a lukewarm intimate relationship with my wife (dating at the time). We both came into the relationship with fears, judgements, negative self talk, and that created a lukewarm bedroom.
 
Where I am 4 years later:
  • Insane confidence in myself, that's grounded with humility. I have come to understand things about myself, how I operate, what I'm capable of, that I never knew before. realized I'm stronger, smarter, more resourceful, kind, compassionate, passionate, sexy, courageous than I ever knew possible. Also realized that I don't know it all, that my growth is contingent upon my ability to seek and receive feedback powerfully. That's where my humility comes from. 
  • I have a strong, passionate, loving, trusting relationship with my wife. connected, not attached. Amazing sex and intimacy. We feel confident to explore the parameters of our relationship and what loving one another unconditionally means. For us that looks like non-monogamy. We're married and love each other completely, and we support one another in creating powerful, intimate relationships with other people (physically, spiritually, emotionally....all of that)
  • Iv'e opened myself up to receive abundance and generate more money today than I ever have, with much less effort. I have confidence in my ability to achieve the goals I set out. I'm able to take risks and do things that no one else around me is doing (quit my job to pursue a passion, right before having a baby, start a podcast, leverage my gifts and talents, build an online empire).

Listen to the episode to hear the 3 mindsets that have led to all of these personal transformations.

Dec 27, 2017
The Truth About My Marriage - How We've Created An Abundant Loving Relationship
52:10

Have you ever wanted to get a look behind the curtain at someones relationship?

My wife Sarah and I host a podcast together called Doing It At Home. On that show listeners hear us being ourselves - a fun, goofy, dynamic couple that enjoys a bit of banter, a few mild jokes at the others expense, tons of love and support for each others greatness. All of that comes through on that show. And listeners of the show reach out to show us appreciation for how we appear on the podcast.

But there's another side to our relationship. It's the side that makes the relationship REAL. There are times when we fight, when we lack patience for one another, when we crave a bit of space. All of that doesn't come across on the podcast, because that's not what the show is about.

After receiving a number of extremely complimentary emails from listeners, Sarah and I wanted to do an episode where we showed the other side of our relationship. We wanted people to know that what they hear each week - the fun couple who sound head over heels for one another - is the result of some serious time and energy working ON ourselves and our relationship. So we sat down to give everyone a glimpse behind the curtain, and share some of the truths to our relationship.

This authenticity and vulnerability is exactly what Having It ALL is about, and so I'm sharing that very conversation with you. This episode was originally published on my podcast Doing It At Home. But there's a lot in there for people who are interested in what goes into creating an abundant, loving relationship.

Dec 19, 2017
How Removing Accountability From My Life Has Impacted My Health, Business and Personal Growth
32:29

Who is holding you accountable to stepping into your greatness, healing your traumas and living your best life?

We hear a lot in personal growth circles the “importance of accountability”. In my opinion it’s the biggest factor to moving through blockages and achieving your goals. Not just corporate, career or business goals, but personal growth, healing and happiness goals!

When we intentionally place people and mechanisms in our lives that will hold us accountable, we improve our odds of living with integrity and doing the things we say we will do.

But when we remove accountability, not only are we playing small but we’re setting ourselves up for disappointment, stress, anxiety, fear, limiting beliefs, lackluster results and the downward spiral.

In this episode I’m not going to share with you the importance of accountability and why you should have some sort of accountability measures in your life. Instead, I’m sharing with you my personal examples of what has happened when I’ve had people and tools hold me accountable to my greatness, and what has happened when I removed those things from my life.

I’m also sharing with you my favorite accountability tool along with a surprise for Having It A.L.L. listeners that will keep you accountable and playing for greatness!

Show Notes:

  • The YourDay Balance Game App - https://www.theydbg.com/
Dec 12, 2017
You Are Who You’ve Been Looking For: A Powerful Conversation With Poet, Coach, Speaker and Lover, Adam Roa
01:06:01

In today’s episode I’m bringing you a great conversation I had with Adam Roa. Sometimes I feel like I have the coolest gig in the world, because I get to spend time hanging out with people like Adam. He is a coach, poet, speaker, podcaster and lover. I through that last descriptor in there because one of the ways in interpreted Adam’s mission is to help people remember that they are love, and to move them closer to a state of being love - towards themselves, others and life itself.

What I found awesome about Adam was his humility. I think it’s easy for people in the personal development space to have this heir about them that they know something you don’t. I believe it comes with the territory and is not always a conscious thing. When you’re helping people step into their greatness, you sometimes feel like you’re pretty darn great yourself. But I didn’t get any of that from Adam, and it was amazingly refreshing. It allowed our conversation to really take shape on its own, because there was no posturing by either of us. Just two guys choppin it about how we can all unlock our superpowers.

One of the coolest things I learned about Adam was that he is a spoken word poet. I found that awesome, and it was his poem “You Are Who You've Been Looking For” that inspired much of what we talked about in our conversation. Definitely check it out (click here to watch).

Overall, I walked away from my conversation with Adam with a slightly sharper lens to look at my own personal growth and healing journey through, and for that I’m extremely grateful.

I really hope you enjoy my conversation with Adam!

Show Notes:

The Deep Dive podcast on Stitcher - https://www.stitcher.com/podcast/the-deep-dive-with-adam-roa

Dec 06, 2017
Where Are You Wasting Emotion, Energy and Time In Your Life? - Reflecting On The Final Words Of David Cassidy
23:34

In today's episode I'm sharing my comments on the final words of David Cassidy, who passed away this past Tuesday at the age of 67. 

As shared by his daughter Katie Cassidy, his final words were "So much wasted time."

Those words impacted me in a profound way.

I recently returned from a Thanksgiving vacation with my extended family, and it's a trip I never thought would have happened this year. There has been friction in my family over the past 18 months, and tension between my sisters and I had reached a breaking point. Just before Thanksgiving things took a dramatic turn for the better, and we ended up having a truly magical holiday together. Looking back on the past 18 months and all of the emotion, time and energy that went into the family situation, I cannot help but think about the waste that's present. 

My wasted time came mostly from stepping out of alignment with my standards, values and character. I can see that now that I'm on the other side of the events. But when in them, my ego did a fantastic job of clouding the landscape and making it difficult for me to stay true to myself. 

"So much wasted time" impacts me because there were months when my sister was not speaking to me. I think about that time and how emotionally weighed down I felt during those months.

I think back to all of the judgmental thoughts I've had about myself. To the comparisons I've made between myself and seemingly everybody else. To the criticisms I've had about my level of "success", confidence, muscles, attractiveness....you name it.

So much time and energy and emotion has been wasted, and I'm grateful to Katie Cassidy for sharing her father's final words because they will serve as a reality check for me.

So I ask you, how much time have you wasted:

  • Feuding with a family member over who is “right”? clashing egos with neither person giving up ground.
  • Beating yourself up for something you did or said years ago
  • Comparing yourself to others and weighing your “luck” or misfortunes against the successes of others
  • Chasing little “s” success (money, titles, accolades, big house, praise) and pushing aside big “S” Success (who you’re becoming in the process)
  • Being stuck in fear
  • Expending hours and hours of mental energy playing the “what if” game (“What if I were to win the lottery, have the happy marriage, make more money”….) or the “if only” game (“if only my kids were more well behaved, then I'd be happier”)

My intention is that everyone listening to this episode takes a minute to asses where they've been wasting time in their lives and asks themselves "Has it been worth it?"

Show Notes:

 

Nov 27, 2017
Building Your Net Worth By Giving To Others - The Power Of The Emotional Deposit
13:54

In today's episode I'm sharing with you a concept called "The Hour Of Giving". 

What would happen if you spent the first hour of every day making deposits into the emotional bank accounts of others? What shifts do you think you'd see in your relationships? In your job? In your business? In your health?

I was listening to a new favorite podcast of mine called Side Hustle Nation, and the host Nick Loper was interviewing a man named Vincent Pugliese on how he went from making $32,000 annually to $32,000 in a single day. Vincent learned how to more effectively leverage his skills and use his network (more on that in a second) to dramatically expand his business in a few short years.

Now, one of the major reasons whyVincent credits his businesses growth, is the power of his network. 

Vincent gave and gave and gave to others, with no expectation of receiving anything in return (other than the satisfaction of helping someone else out). He trained himself to be more selfless, and even developed a habit of "The Hour Of Giving". Each morning, Vincent would spend the first hour of his day giving to other people. It might look like a thank you card, or a warm email, or a comment on a person's recent blog post, or a review on their latest Amazon book. Whatever it was, the idea was simple: to begin the day thinking about others, and not thinking about himself.

I was incredibly inspired by this idea of intentionally carving out time each day to make deposits into other people's tanks, and that's what inspired this episode!

Show Notes:

Nov 22, 2017
Gratitude Is Everything
02:53

Today's episode is a about gratitude. I've talked about gratitude twice in the past week because of how important it is to experience an Abundant Loving Life. 

I recommend creating a moment each day to express gratitude in some sort of way. Doesn't need to be fancy, although that's fine as well. 

I'm grateful to you and your support. Join me and express your gratitude for something in your life. 

Nov 20, 2017
The 8 Habits Of A Humble Badass (Rebroadcast)
42:03

Today's episode is a rebroadcast of The 8 Habits Of A Humble Badass episode, which is one of the most downloaded on the show. So that tells you it's definitely worth checking out!

On this episode I'm joined by my wife Sarah as she breaks down the 8 habits of a Humble Badass. What is a Humble Badass you ask? Well you'll have to tune in to find out!

The premise of this show is looking at how we can create more ABUNDANCE and LOVE in our LIVES so that we can have the experience of life we truly desire. Sarah's message aligns perfectly with that because her approach to wellness (Sarah is a Balance Lifestyle Coach and Personal Trainer) is one that emphasizes the values of the show.

In our conversation we go through the 8 frameworks of Unleash Your Humble Badass, the process that Sarah takes her lifestyle coaching clients through. It's this same process and framework that allows Sarah to show up powerfully in all her roles in life, and I'm super excited to hand these tools over to you and see what you do with them!

Everything we're talking about are simply tools. You may choose to pick them up and use them, or not. There is not one single path to experiencing abundance and love in life (if someone tells you there is, you may want to turn the other way). What I'm offering you up in this episode is a path that might resonate with your spirit. 

Check it out and get ready to unleash your Humble Badass!

Show notes:

Nov 19, 2017
4 Simple Ways You Can Practice Mindfulness Everyday Without Meditating
19:45

In today's episode I'm sharing with you 4 everyday activities that you can use to practice mindfulness.

Mindfulness is about bringing your attention to the present moment. Meditation is one way you can practice mindfulness. But there are other ways.

I’ve had a hard time developing a meditation practice. I have this belief that high achieving ballers are meditating for an hour a day, every day, starting their day off with meditation, ending it with journaling, and doing all of these mindfulness practices.

I’m probably off base, but that’s the image I have in my mind.

For me, I remember to meditate a handful of times per week. Today was a great day for me because when I had an hour window in which I had the house to myself and could dive into any task I wanted, I was able to influence myself to go outside and meditate for a few minutes. But lately I feel like that happens less and less.

There are other ways of practicing mindfulness, however, and that’s what I want to share with you today.

 

Nov 18, 2017
How Gratitudes Improves Your Productivity - Practical Benefits To Creating A Gratitude Habit In Your Life
18:22

In today's episode I'm talking about how gratitude can improve your productivity. There are very practical benefits to creating a gratitude practice, that honestly, until recently I was unaware of. But after reading an article by my good friend, Garland Vance (www.GarlandVance.com), I now have greater awareness around the role gratitude can play in our lives.

Tune in and I'll share the three ways that gratitude improves productivity, as well as one powerful way gratitude helps you deal with challenging circumstances. I also share my personal gratitude practice, which is about as simple as it gets.

Show Notes:

Nov 17, 2017
A Powerful Method For Changing Your Relationship Towards Stress - How To Learn To Love Stress Through Exercise
17:34

In today's episode I'm sharing a way for you to learn how to change your relationship towards stress. If you're used to feeling stressed out with ish hits the fan, and you have been unable to shift that feeling, then tune in! I'm going to share with you how you can use exercise to learn how to deal with stress more effectively.

This isn't a science based episode where I talk about endorphins and hormones and all of the benefits of working out. Instead, I'm providing a new paradigm to view exercise and life's stressors. I've used this method on myself and dozens and dozens of people I've worked with. 

When you view exercise as acute or chronic stress, and realize that the way in which your body handles exercise stress is the same way your body handles other life stressors, you realize that each time you step into the gym you have an opportunity to change how you relate to the idea of "being stressed". It's a powerful mental shift that results in you being more calm and more composed when throws stress in your direction. 

 

Nov 16, 2017
Does Your Walk Match Your Talk?
14:27

Today's episode is examining our expectations and our effort, and seeing if our walk truly matches up with our talk.

As we go on our separate personal development journeys towards greater peace, health, wealth, clarity, relationships....whatever it is....it's important to check in with ourselves and be truly honest as to whether we hold expectations and intentions about the results we'd like to see in our lives, that don't end up matching with the effort we're putting in.

Looking at my Instagram account today, I saw photos of people who had accomplished truly amazing physical transformations. One person had even lost 100 pounds over the course of a couple of years. 

That's an entire person!

The amount of reps that go into a transformation like that are incredible. To accomplish that type of shift you must alter almost every part of your life. 

For those of us inspired to experience more abundance and love in our life, are we expecting 100lb results without putting in 100lb effort?

I'm asking that question to you today and diving into what it means to have your walk match your talk.

Nov 15, 2017
The Only Time Your Self Help Practice Matters Is When You're Asked To Prove It
18:22

Today's episode is all about the rubber meeting the road. I'm talking about the only time when your self help, personal development, self empowerment....whatever you want to call it....practices matter, is when you have to prove it.

We know that talk is cheap. But so too is practice. Practice means nothing if we choke come game day. 

You can set intentions all day long, use vision boards to envision what you want to create, affirm yourself 24/7, and journal gratitudes until you get carpal tunnel.

But when you're presented with a situation or circumstance that offers you the choice between movement forwards vs. movement backwards, what are you going to choose?

That is when all of the practice truly matters. It matters when you have to prove it.

In this episode I share with you a personal example of proving my commitment to myself and my growth, along with other examples that might resonate and drive the point home more powerfully. 

Buckle up because it's getting real in here!

Nov 14, 2017
How To Become A Great Leader Through Committing To Yourself: Part 2 With Chris Perez
32:44

In today’s episode I’m bringing you part 2 of my inspiring conversation with Chris Perez.

I strongly urge you to listen to part 1, Chris and I had a powerful conversation about tapping into your full potential and achieving greatness. You can listen to that episode here: http://firesidenetwork.com/unleashing-personal-potential-achieving-greatness-chris-perez-part-1/

This time around, we kick things off by tackling perhaps the underlying theme to this entire podcast: stepping into your fears. Chris shares a story of a recent military deployment and how it impacted his mental and emotional wellbeing, and what he did to find joy and peace despite the circumstances.

We end our conversation by talking about leadership. You don’t want to miss it!

Show notes:

Nov 09, 2017
A Simple Method For Feeling More Courageous In The Face Of Anxiety
17:24

In this episode I'm sharing a very simple and effective practice for not only building your courage in the face of anxiety and current challenges, but building your overall sense of belief in yourself that you can overcome any challenge or obstacle that you're presented with.

This episode was inspired by The O Project - a powerful photography project that aims to "[break] down the barriers of female sexual well-being", created by Marcos Alberti.

In The O Project, Marcos photographs 20 women before, during and after orgasm. Hence the big "O"! He takes headshots of these women and truly captures the post-orgasm glow and radiance that each women posses. It's an amazingly beautiful display of the feminine sexual energy and the healing and transformative power that it possess.

I loved the before and after aspects of The O Project, and felt that a similar framework could be applied to the area of facing fears and stepping into challenging situations. 

Listen on to hear my super simple and effective method for feeling more courageous in the face of anxiety.

Show Notes:

Oct 30, 2017
7 Must Haves For Stellar Relationships (They Are Not What You Might Think)
26:26

In today’s episode I’m sharing with you 7 must haves for healthy, sexy, thriving relationships. This list is not what you may be expecting. I’m not listing off things like “Be an effective communicator”, or “Spend more time looking into each other’s eyes”. Nope, I’m giving you ingredients that get to the core of who YOU are, so that you are as powerful as you can be before you enter into a new relationship (or while you’re in them).

This episode was inspired by a listener email. If you want to email me a topic you’d like to hear me cover on the show, shoot me a message at mattcbivens AT gmail DOT com.

Oct 25, 2017
Unleashing Your Personal Potential and Achieving Greatness with Chris Perez - Part 1
15:09

In today's episode I share with you a fantastic conversation I had with an incredibly inspiring man, Chris Perez. 

Chris is all about empowering leaders to "Unleash Personal Potential" through emotional, physical, and spiritual balance

He is a student of leadership, both in the literal sense (he studied leadership at the University of Charleston), and in a more in-your-face way: the United States Army.

Chris self describes his time in the army as empowering him to move from "Lacking confidence, afraid, undisciplined, and scared to lead", to "Confident, balanced, focused, and disciplined. Most important, a leader."

Chris and I connected over our shared passion for leading ourselves and others in a powerful way, while pursuing our own personal version of greatness. When we sat down to talk I knew we were going to have many gems, so we recorded our conversation. 

Today I share with you part 1 of my enlightening conversation with Chris Perez. 

Show Notes:

 

Oct 18, 2017
Getting More Out Of Life By Working Smarter, Not Harder (Rebroadcast)
43:00

In today's episode I'm sharing with you my tried and tested process for being more productive and feeling more fulfilled, by working smarter and not harder.

I have been somewhat obsessed with productivity and work efficiency ever since graduating college. Once I jumped into the working world and realized that I could easily eat up 12 hours of my day on menial tasks and still not feel like I had really done anything, I got to work developing a better system for myself.

I read articles and books, watched people's "life hack" tips, tried anything that seemed like it might work for me.

Many things did not work, but a few did.

Years later, I'm now in a new place in my life where being efficient and producing a lot in a short period of time is extremely important. I'm a new father to an 8 month old baby girl, I run multiple businesses from home, and I produce 2 podcasts. All of this happens from my house.

On top of that, I frequently have solo daddy-baby time while Sarah is out training clients. So my windows of free time are slim.

But that hasn't stopped me from taking on new and bigger projects, it has only encouraged me to hone a productivity system that worked for me.

In this episode I'm sharing with you the system that Sarah and I currently are using to maximize our productivity in our lives. This system is very similar to the one used by John Lee Dumas -- the host and creator of Entrepreneur On Fire, and a guy who is known to publish 7 podcasts a week while running his EOFire empire (which is pretty darn large). He does all of this with a very small tea working less than 4 hours a day. 

John was an early guest on this podcast, and even though we talked about productivity then, I didn't realize that our strategies to maximize our output were similar.

So check out the episode and I hope you walk away from it with some actionable tips you can put to use right away to regain time, feel more productive, and truly Have It A.L.L..

Notes from this episode:

Oct 09, 2017
Health, Success, Relationships & Fear: My Greatest Lessons From 100 Episodes of Having It A.L.L.
44:12

In today's episode I celebrate reaching the 100 episode milestone and share the four greatest lessons I've learned throughout the run of the show.

For the past 18 months I've been driving towards the 100 episode goal, and now that it's hear I'm feeling incredibly excited, grateful, humbled and reflective. I began this podcast with the goal of publishing 100 episodes, and that day is here. 

Let's go ahead and get this out of the way now: the Having It A.L.L. podcast will continue! I'm not ending it, changing it or anything else. We're charging forward because at this point it's become much bigger than me. And that's a beautiful thing. 

The 4 areas which spoke to me on this episode were health, success, relationships and fear. Each of these topics represents an area of profound transformation for me, an area where I've experienced breakdowns and breakthroughs. 

I'm extremely grateful for the coaches, friends, mentors, listeners, and family who have held such a profound space of love and support. You all are the best and I'm excited to continue creating content that talks about abundance, love and life. 

Enjoy the episode!

Sep 27, 2017
How To Know When You’re On The Right Path - Seeing The Signs When You Are Out Of Alignment
21:05

Today's episode I predict will be a powerful one for many. I'm talking about how to know when you're on the right path in life, and how to see the signs when you are out of alignment. 

The topic was inspired by a crystal clear example of me being out of alignment, which I share in the episode. 

It is certainly humbling when the things you've been ignoring catch up to you.

This recording is special as well, because I recorded this episode from my car, right when inspiration hit me. 

Show Notes:

 

Sep 22, 2017
A Pragmatists View On Affirmations - How To Get Positive Self Talk To Work For You
22:18

In this episode I'm talking about affirmations and positive self talk, and giving you my perspective as a self-diagnosed pragmatist. 

I've tried my hand at affirmations many times, and have had mixed feelings and experiences. I do believe in the power of planting new thought seeds, however, and so I've stuck with affirmations and found methods for making them "work" to create the experience in life I'm seeking.

In this episode I share my method for making affirmations and positive self talk work for you. 

Notes:

Sponsor:

Sep 13, 2017
Star Wars, Hypnobabies and Kiddie Pools: Our Home Birth Story (Rebroadcast from Doing It At Home Podcast)
20:08

Today I have a special BONUS episode for you. 1 year ago today, on September 11, 2016, my daughter Maya was born. Sarah and I welcomed here into the world in a planned home birth. We shared the entire birth experience on our podcast Doing It At Home, and today I thought it would be fun to share that conversation with you all.

In the episode you'll hear Sarah, myself and 1 week old Maya, talking all about the night Maya was born. It's a very special episode to me, and I wanted to share it with you all on this very special day. 

Enjoy!

Show Notes:

Sep 11, 2017
How To Connect With Your Inner Beauty - Practical Self Love Tips To Transform Your Life With Michelle Khouri
49:36

In today's episode I have an awesome conversation with Michelle Khouri about connecting with your inner beauty, seeing the beauty in others, practical self love tips, and all around how to level up your life. 

This is a special episode because I haven't had a guest on the show in a long time. But when I connected with Michelle, I knew her and I would have a powerful conversation and I really wanted you to be able to hear it.

So Michelle came to visit me in my home studio, which was fantastic, and we sat down to talk about beauty. Michelle has had a fascinating relationship with beauty throughout her life, and she's not shy about sharing her breakdowns and breakthroughs. 

If you enjoy talking particle physics in one breath, and law of attraction in the other, you'll dig my conversation with Michelle Khouri!

Show notes:

Sep 06, 2017
The Unspoken Truth About Seeking An Abundant Life
18:40

In this episode I'm shining light on something that frequently happens when we seek an abundant life. It's not always talked about, and often is judged. However it's completely natural and common and happens to pretty much everyone who is seeking to experience more abundance in their life. I'm talking about abundanc-itis. 

Aug 30, 2017
Embracing Life’s F**k it Moments - Why Taking A Leap Of Faith Changes Everything
13:02

Today's episode is not intended for young ears. As you can probably tell from the title, I'm not holding back today!

Today I wanted to talk about those moments that come across our path in life where you just have to say "f**k it!" and take a leap of faith (sometimes, literally).

It's these moments where we get a chance to experience living in courage and not consideration. These moments are typically challenging and require a great deal of guts and bravery. But what's on the other side of them is so worth it in every way!

Take a listen with me as I share my most recent f**k it moment and share why it's so important that we embrace them when we have the chance to.

Aug 23, 2017
The Law Of Attraction - A Down To Earth Approach To Positive Thinking
17:39

In today's episode I'm sharing my thoughts on The Law Of Attraction. I talk about why it's controversial, share my thoughts on it, and give you some practical advice on how to put The Law Of Attraction to use in your life. 

If you've heard of or read "The Secret", then you probably know about The Law Of Attraction.

If you haven't, well here's what it is: the ability to attract into your life whatever it is you focus on.

If you think it, you can manifest it.

You can see why it's a concept that tons of people gravitate towards and put into practice into their lives.

But on the flip side, you can also see why many folks think it's a load of BS. 

("So you're saying if I want a million dollars then all I need to do is think about it? That's delusional.")

My feelings on The Law Of Attraction fall somewhere in the middle, and in this episode I unpack my thoughts about it as well as some practical ways for you to make The Law Of Attraction work in your life. 

Aug 19, 2017
The Often Overlooked Step Of Goal Setting & Making Sure You Can Actually Chew What You Bite Off
24:33

In today's episode I'm recalling some significant, and almost missed lessons from a recent client call.

What I share is applicable to everyone, whether you're working in a corporate setting, a stay-at-home parent (holla!), or grinding away in school. 

Aug 16, 2017
What You Need Versus What You Want - How To Feel Okay When Life Hands You The Unexpected
24:21

In today's episode I'm referencing the well known saying that you are given "what you need, not what you want". I explore this belief and share a story of a recent encounter when this belief was shared with me first hand. 

Aug 02, 2017
How To Stay Focused In Life To Achieve Results
11:51

In today's episode I'm sharing tips on how to focus your life to achieve results. 

I recently took part in a peak performance, work efficiency challenge that lasted 2 weeks, called Ultraworking Pentathlon. It was a really interesting event and I walked away with some new tools and knowledge that I've been using ever since to help me stay focused with my work.

The event really sparked for me a curiosity into the how and why behind focus for myself, which led to the recording of this episode.

If you're like me then you know the feeling of "shiny ball syndrome". That's where you have a tendency to become easily distracted by circumstances outside of what you should be focusing on. It can happen with just about anything that you're trying to focus on, it's not specific to work. 

My shiny balls tend to be my phone, email, and Facebook. It seems that when I need to focus most, those things are screaming loudest for my attention.

Failing to remain focused on a task has huge consequences, the biggest of which is probably failing to complete the task. But for me, it runs deeper. There's this voice that says "You aren't qualified for this" and it gets louder each time I find myself drifting towards the tiny ball. There's another voice that says "You really don't know what you're doing, you should just give up", and it too gains strength as I become distracted. 

So for me, conquering the shiny ball syndrome and learning techniques for focus go beyond productivity. 

In this episode I'm going to share with you some concrete tips for being focused in work and life, and give you information about the really cool peak performance challenge that I recently completed. 

Jul 27, 2017
When Asking For Help Is Hard - A Simple Way To Practice Asking For And Receiving Help
11:49

 

In this episode I'm sharing with you a few common examples of when the universe places people or things in our path that are there to help us, and yet we refuse the help.

For me, asking for help has been a challenge since I was young. I don't really know when I started to feel like I needed to take care of things on my own, but that belief follows me to this day.

I'll say "no" to an offer of assistance, even when I want it or when it would make my life easier. I'll refrain from sharing a challenge I'm having and instead keep it inside and struggle with it on my own. And I'll create stories in my mind that people don't want to give me help, or that I'm being needy or a ton of other crazy things.

Similarly, I'm not great at delegating, which impacts my work and which I believe is a consequence of my issues with receiving help. 

I've become more aware of my hangups around asking for help, and have started being more intentional about accepting the gifts of help when the universe presents them. 

Jul 21, 2017
How To Be More Consistent When Building Healthy Habits
09:48

In today's episode I'm sharing an example of consistency that I experience in my life every week.

His name is Robert Monroe and he has been on this podcast before. In the episode titled "“You Have To Move Your Feet”: A Story About Seeing the Beauty in All of Life’s Circumstances", Robert shares his inspiring story and message about moving through life's circumstances.

This past week I received a lesson in consistency and was inspired by just how consistent Robert had been over the past 12 months in being intentional about transforming his health. 

I leave with you some very simple tips about creating more consistency in your life that will help you build momentum and have it all.

Show notes:

Jul 13, 2017
My Struggles With Saying "I'm Sorry" (Especially To Family)
28:47

In this episode I'm sharing a personal story about my challenges with saying "I'm sorry", especially when it comes to family. 

 

I've shared personal family challenges on this podcast many times before. It's part of my personal belief that we can all learn from each others breakthroughs and breakdowns. 

Today I'm happy to report that I believe a new, empowering chapter has been opened in my family relationships, and it began with an apology. 

 

Jul 04, 2017
What I Liked About Tim Ferriss's Latest TED Talk On Fear
25:54

In today's episode I'm breaking down Tim Ferriss's most recent TED talk titled "Why you should define your fears instead of your goals". In this TED talk, Tim shares a simple exercise he calls "Fear Setting" which helps him break out of the paralyzing grips of fear, and focus on what he can control in situations. 

In the episode I share a personal example of using this Fear Setting Exercise to weigh the costs and benefits of a fearful situation in my life. 

I highly recommend watching Tim's TED talk, which you can see here: https://www.ted.com/talks/tim_ferriss_why_you_should_define_your_fears_instead_of_your_goals?utm_source=tedcomshare&utm_medium=referral&utm_campaign=tedspread

Jun 21, 2017
Unraveling The Be-Do-Have Paradigm
23:17

In this episode I'm breaking down the Be-Do-Have paradigm from the book Beyond Body Beyond Mind by Dr. Sukhi Muker. 

Two friends introduced me to this book, and I'm extremely grateful they did, because in it Dr. Muker helps me finally grasp my mind around a concept that has been eluding me for some time -- what it means to BE something.

You've probably heard someone say something along the lines of "All you have to do is BE it. Don't try to do anything. Just BE."

Well if you haven't, I sure have and each time I'm left feeling stumped and frustrated.

Stumped because I'm someone with a very grounded, step-by-step mind. I strive to understand the steps behind the exercises I jump into, whether they be physical or like in this case, mental.

I was frustrated because I had heard so many times this idea of BEing. It comes up in books I read, podcasts I listen to, conversations I have in my community. 

Everyone else seemed to be grasping it, but I was completely in the dark.

So when I picked up Beyond Body Beyond Mind and there were very clear instructions on how to BE, I was extremely excited!

In this episode I jump into the book and share the passages that resonated so powerfully with me. I also take the text a step further and share my examples how you can Be-Do-Have in your life. 

 

Sponsor

Podcasting isn't just for hobbyists! Entrepreneurs and businesses can see huge gains in clients, reach and authority through hosting their own podcast. I can help make sure you have everything in place to launch, grow and monetize your show. PLUS my team and I will take care of the technical headaches like editing and publishing. To learn more and get in touch simply visit www.MatthewBivens.com/PODCAST.

Jun 14, 2017
The Most Powerful Way To Practice Self Love
10:25

In today's episode I'm talking about self love, but not in the way you're probably used to. Self love conversations are ubiquitous these days. Everyone's talking about. But beyond "positive self affirmations" and "choosing healthy foods" do we really know what self love means? Do we understand what the essence of self love is and how certain activities that we do, many times without thinking, are undermining all of the surface level self love work we put so much effort into?

In this episode I'm going to give you a completely new way to look at self love. It's not another thing for you to do, but a lens through which to look at all of your self love activities. 

This was a fun episode for me because I recorded the entire thing while I was walking to the movies. Sarah was out of town with the car for the weekend, and when I wanted to go catch a movie it meant I was walking. During my walk I was observing how taking myself to movies was an act of self love, and the idea for this episode was born.

Once you listen, I'd love to hear your thoughts, comments, and feedback on the episode. You can email me directly at mattcbivens@gmail.com, or use the contact form on my website www.MatthewBivens.com.

And for those people interested in learning more about my podcast services, you can find out more at www.MatthewBivens.com/PODCAST. If you have any questions please reach out using the info above.

Jun 12, 2017
The Secret Behind Delayed Gratification And Success
25:12

In this episode I'm exploring Delayed Gratification, and how it's linked to success. I discuss the famous Stanford Marshmallow Study, describe my relationship with delayed gratification in key areas of my life (relationships, business, gardening), and reveal why I think we have been looking at delayed gratification in the wrong way.

 

May 31, 2017
Getting More Out Of Life By Working Smarter, Not Harder
41:37

In today's episode I'm sharing with you my tried and tested process for being more productive and feeling more fulfilled, by working smarter and not harder.

I have been somewhat obsessed with productivity and work efficiency ever since graduating college. Once I jumped into the working world and realized that I could easily eat up 12 hours of my day on menial tasks and still not feel like I had really done anything, I got to work developing a better system for myself.

I read articles and books, watched people's "life hack" tips, tried anything that seemed like it might work for me.

Many things did not work, but a few did.

Years later, I'm now in a new place in my life where being efficient and producing a lot in a short period of time is extremely important. I'm a new father to an 8 month old baby girl, I run multiple businesses from home, and I produce 2 podcasts. All of this happens from my house.

On top of that, I frequently have solo daddy-baby time while Sarah is out training clients. So my windows of free time are slim.

But that hasn't stopped me from taking on new and bigger projects, it has only encouraged me to hone a productivity system that worked for me.

In this episode I'm sharing with you the system that Sarah and I currently are using to maximize our productivity in our lives. This system is very similar to the one used by John Lee Dumas -- the host and creator of Entrepreneur On Fire, and a guy who is known to publish 7 podcasts a week while running his EOFire empire (which is pretty darn large). He does all of this with a very small tea working less than 4 hours a day. 

John was an early guest on this podcast, and even though we talked about productivity then, I didn't realize that our strategies to maximize our output were similar.

So check out the episode and I hope you walk away from it with some actionable tips you can put to use right away to regain time, feel more productive, and truly Have It A.L.L..

Notes from this episode:

May 24, 2017
Learning How to Choose Happiness and Create The Life You Want with Heather Gray (rebroadcast)
01:00:20

Today's episode is a rebroadcast of an amazing conversation I had with Heather Gray. The original podcast episode is titled "Learning How to Choose Happiness and Create The Life You Want".

There’s a fundamental belief that separates the people who feel like they have it all from the people who don’t, and that’s the belief that you have the power to CHOOSE.

It’s all about CHOICE. That’s the difference maker.

People who feel in their heart and soul that they have it all, have made a conscious choice to feel that way. They’ve literally decided that they can have it all in life, and subsequent choices aligned with the core belief.

My guest today is a powerful example and evangelist of that belief!

Heather Gray’s business name says it all: Choose To Have It All. Sounds sort of familiar, huh?

Heather is an executive coach, working with entrepreneurs and business leaders who have achieved that EXTERNAL success - you know, the great career, fat bank account, titles behind their name, but that success has come at the expense of their internal well being. What Heather does is she helps them have the lifestyle and wealth that they want, but also the personal fulfillment that they truly desire.

If you’ve read Stephen Covey’s landmark book The 7 Habits Of Highly Effective People, then you may remember that Habit #1 is “Be Proactive”, and that the essence of that habit (the major takeaway) is CHOICE. Proactive people are aware of their ability to choose: choose their response to circumstances, choose their relationship to themselves, others and life, and choose their level of joy and peace in life.

That’s the recurring theme in my conversation with Heather.

What you’ll hear in this episode:

  • How to tap into your previous experience to find strength and add to your personal toolbox
  • Why you sometimes have to “embrace the suck” in order to move forward
  • How to show compassion and empathy in the face of someone else’s struggle

Powerful quotes

You have to choose your own happy!

Notes from this episode:

 
May 21, 2017
How I'm Moving From Grief To Gratitude
17:31

In today's episode I'm sharing a very personal recent experience of having to say goodbye to our family dog, and how I have been able to shift my feelings and emotions from those of grief to gratitude.

I missed publishing an episode last week. It's only the second or third time that's happened in the 12+ months of this show. I felt bad knowing that you all were waiting for a new episode, however I was struggling to relate to a personal family challenge that was going on last week.

Last Wednesday we said goodbye to our family dog Olive. It was one of the hardest, most emotional experiences of my life. It was unexpected, quick, and when it was over I was left with a big hole that didn't feel like it would be filled anytime soon.

Sarah and I adopted Olive 4 years ago from a shelter here in Atlanta. She was a pitbull mix with pretty bad mange damage to her hair, so she was most likely not going to be adopted. We fell in love with her when we first saw her photos online. She joined our family and quickly assumed her role as sister to our hound dog Watson and loyal friend to Sarah and I. When baby Maya was born, Olive relished in her new role as doggy sister.

For 2 days after we said goodbye to Olive, my emotions were all over the place. I cried more and harder than I had in probably 20 years. I had no appetite, no desire to do work. I was in it deep. 

It took me a while to start to see the blessings in the situation. But when I did, the flood of gratitude poured over me and almost immediately lifted me up.

I became so grateful that I was able to say goodbye to my friend. Not only that, I was able to hold her, talk to her and tell her I loved her as the vet gave her the injection that would end her life. It was a very moving experience for Sarah and I. One that I am very grateful to have been able to experience with Olive.

I also because incredibly grateful at the 4 amazing years we had her as a friend. From day 1 she was so full of love. If you rearrange the letters in her name they spell "I Love", and that's exactly what she did every single day. I became grateful that I was able to experience that and see what it's like to be loved unconditionally. 

Once the gratitude hit me, the sadness and pain weren't as strong. 

This experience has reminded me that gratitude can be found in any situation. There is always something we can take away from it that will shift our perspective and uplift our lives, if we choose. 

The experience also reminded me that we are not promised tomorrow. As cliche as that is, none of us know what may happen in the next hour, day, week. Understanding that can help us become more present, patient, and loving today. I make more of a point to greet friends and family with genuine love when I see them and when they leave. I am stopping more frequently to BE instead of do. I am communicating my gratitude for others and sharing how people inspire me. Overall, I'm smelling the roses more and it has created more joy in my life. 

This episode is a reminder of how much we have to be grateful for and how we are all experiencing abundance in every moment. What we're experiencing an abundance of is up to us. 

Music:

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May 11, 2017
Envying Others' Successes
09:18

In today's episode I'm sharing something that I am working on doing less of in my life, and that's envying others successes. It's been something that happens almost automatically at times. I might see someone who has more money than I do, a [seemingly] more in tact family than I do, has achieved more business success than I have, and the gut reaction I have is slight envy. I want what they have. 

I do this knowing full well how risky it is to build a story about someone else's perceived "successes", without knowing anything about that person.

I'm guilty of if, and in today's episode we're exploring that.

The episode was inspired by a conversation I was having with a listener. We were talking about our families and upbringings, and both of us have parents who are doctors. In what I feel is a pretty fascinating parallel, despite both of our families having an outward appearance of American Success (middle to upper middle class, parents who are doctors, living in the burbs), we both remember our families struggling financially. 

On the surface we had the things that many label successes, but the truth was that our families were having trouble putting food on the table. 

That same day I was engaging in an online business group I'm a part of, and a member posed the question "Of businesses who report making $1,000,000 in revenue, how much of that do you think is profit?"

Again it made me think about the outward story vs the inward truth. 

 

Apr 28, 2017
The 5 W's Of Radical Self Awareness
27:52

In this episode I'm giving you the 5 W's of radical self awareness. Each of the 5 W's will give you questions to ponder about your life: the people you surround yourself with, the environments you place yourself in, the path that you're currently on, the destination you want to make it to, the catalysts that will inspire you to leave your safety net. 

Now, the credit for this episode has to be given to listener Benjamin Foley. Benjamin reached out to me via email this week and we started a dialogue. I quickly learned that Benjamin has a similar beliefs about health and happiness, and we share a unique relationship to fear and anxiety -- we lean into them. 

I also learned that Benjamin is a great writer and shares his thoughts on his blog. That's where I found the article which inspired this podcast episode. That article is called "Advice On Anxiety No One Tells You" (link below). 

In this episode you'll get some great tools for introspection that are guaranteed to help you realign your life to healing and love. It takes courage to do this kind of work, but I know you're just the bold person to do it! 

Notes from this episode:

Music:

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Apr 21, 2017
A New Way To Think About Life Balance
15:16

In today's episode I'm introducing a simple and new way to think about life balance. It's called "The Body Vehicle" and in the episode I'm breaking down exactly what the Body Vehicle is, what it reveals about life balance, and how you can apply it to your own life.

This concept of The Body Vehicle is not of my own creation. I learned it through the YourDay Balance Game (a health and fitness game governed by love and balance). Since balance is in the title of the YourDay Balance Game, you can believe that achieving a work-life balance is part of the makeup! The Body Vehicle is actually just one of many different ways I've learned to conceptualize and approach life balance through the YDBG, and I'll be covering a few more of those ways in future episodes. 

But today I'm focusing on the Body Vehicle.

Here's a thought for you to chew on: if your body were a car on the road of Life, how smooth is your ride? To take it a step further, if your car had 5 wheels on it (Spiritual, Mental, Social, Emotional and Physical) and the smoothness of your ride was determined by how inflated or deflated those tires were, what does your ride feel like now?

Are you riding through life with a few under-inflated tires? 

Is your ride bumpy because you've over-inflated some of your wheels, and maybe don't even have certain wheels at all?

I'm going to break down this helpful analogy further in the episode, explain to you each of the 5 wheels and how they interact, and give you a few things to chew on that will help you evaluate just how smooth or bumpy your ride through life is on your Body Vehicle. 

Music:

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Apr 14, 2017
The 8 Habits Of A Humble Badass
41:12

On this episode I'm joined by my wife Sarah as she breaks down the 8 habits of a Humble Badass. What is a Humble Badass you ask? Well you'll have to tune in to find out!

The premise of this show is looking at how we can create more ABUNDANCE and LOVE in our LIVES so that we can have the experience of life we truly desire. Sarah's message aligns perfectly with that because her approach to wellness (Sarah is a Balance Lifestyle Coach and Personal Trainer) is one that emphasizes the values of the show.

In our conversation we go through the 8 frameworks of Unleash Your Humble Badass, the process that Sarah takes her lifestyle coaching clients through. It's this same process and framework that allows Sarah to show up powerfully in all her roles in life, and I'm super excited to hand these tools over to you and see what you do with them!

Everything we're talking about are simply tools. You may choose to pick them up and use them, or not. There is not one single path to experiencing abundance and love in life (if someone tells you there is, you may want to turn the other way). What I'm offering you up in this episode is a path that might resonate with your spirit. 

Check it out and get ready to unleash your Humble Badass!

Show notes:

Apr 04, 2017
A Story of Healing: Using Curiosity and Courage to Find Yourself with Monique Ruffin (Rebroadcast)
45:56

Today's episode is a rebroadcast of an episode from the first few weeks of the podcast. In it, I'm having an amazing conversation with Monique Ruffin.

Monique Ruffin is a celebration of living. She is one of those people that folks say has “A beautiful soul”.

And I completely understand why.

Monique grew up in the neighborhood of Watts in Los Angeles. Yes, that Watts. It's where Sanford And Sons was set, and was where Denzel Washington and Ethan Hawke duke it out in Training Day.

That neighborhood is not known for many empowering things, but it’s where Monique called home.

Growing up in an area impacted by crack, with parents in and out of jail, many wouldn’t have been surprised if Monique failed to transcend her environment. But she did, and in a big way.

Monique is a mother, writer, creator, coach, radio host and group facilitator. But most of all she’s an example of what it looks like to live with heart, authenticity, courage, vulnerability and realness.

In our conversation, Monique and I talk about her childhood, the lessons she’s learned as a mother, and how we can all grow beyond our circumstances.

What you’ll learn in this episode:

  • How to understand yourself so you can navigate life’s challenging circumstances
  • The power of being curious
  • 2 profound takeaways from motherhood

 

Mar 30, 2017
The Real Benefit Of Intermittent Fasting
24:21

In this episode I’m talking about my experience with intermittent fasting - a pattern of eating and fasting that has become popular in the health and fitness community lately. I have been doing intermittent fasting for the past 4 years, yet my reasons for it are probably much different than most.

Intermittent fasting most recently came into public awareness by Terry Crews - the actor and former football player with the crazy fit body and totally weird Old Spice commercials. He was interviewed on Business Insider about his eating patterns. In the interview he shared how intermittent fasting has helped him stay in shape. 

Perform a Google search of "intermittent fasting" and you'll see plenty of people in support, and some against.

In this episode I'm not giving you any medical advice on advice on physical health or nutrition. Instead, I'm sharing with you one of the consequences with intermittent fasting, and that's how it reveals your attachments.

Mar 23, 2017
The 3 Mindsets That Have Transformed My Confidence, Relationships and Wealth
21:10

In today's episode I'm sharing with you three mindsets that have been the biggest catalysts for my personal transformation over the past 4 years. From my self confidence, to the quality of my relationships, to my ability to attract money and create wealth, these 3 things have been the spark for them all. 

This episode was inspired by a question I was asked last week, "What would you attribute to the huge transformation you've made in your life over the past 4 years?".

Here's where I was:

  • I didn't trust myself. I had low confidence that I could do and achieve what I wanted to in life (financially, career wise, goal wise, in relationships, etc.)
  • I wore a mask of physical confidence -- friends saw me as a person who was confident in my body, but internally I judged, and compared and told myself that I was never big, strong, "black" enough.
  • I had complete financial immaturity. I was totally scarce minded. Afraid to look at my bank account. Anxious during financial conversation. I was swimming in student loan and credit card debt, and had no plan to get out because I was so scared of my personal finances. 
  • I had a lukewarm intimate relationship with my wife (dating at the time). We both came into the relationship with fears, judgements, negative self talk, and that created a lukewarm bedroom.
 
Where I am 4 years later:
  • Insane confidence in myself, that's grounded with humility. I have come to understand things about myself, how I operate, what I'm capable of, that I never knew before. realized I'm stronger, smarter, more resourceful, kind, compassionate, passionate, sexy, courageous than I ever knew possible. Also realized that I don't know it all, that my growth is contingent upon my ability to seek and receive feedback powerfully. That's where my humility comes from. 
  • I have a strong, passionate, loving, trusting relationship with my wife. connected, not attached. Amazing sex and intimacy. We feel confident to explore the parameters of our relationship and what loving one another unconditionally means. For us that looks like non-monogamy. We're married and love each other completely, and we support one another in creating powerful, intimate relationships with other people (physically, spiritually, emotionally....all of that)
  • Iv'e opened myself up to receive abundance and generate more money today than I ever have, with much less effort. I have confidence in my ability to achieve the goals I set out. I'm able to take risks and do things that no one else around me is doing (quit my job to pursue a passion, right before having a baby, start a podcast, leverage my gifts and talents, build an online empire).

Listen to the episode to hear the 3 mindsets that have led to all of these personal transformations.

 

Mar 15, 2017
How To Stop Making Fear Based Decision
20:10

In today's episode I'm sharing with you some steps to help you to stop making fear based decisions in your life, especially around major life decisions, and to start deciding from a place of love.

I think we all know what it's like to be at a crossroads, and to choose the path of fear. I've done it countless times in my past and each time it left me feeling regretful, shameful, guilty or another one of the many fear based emotions that are available to choose from.

Most of us also know what it's like to choose the path of love and growth as well, and we've experienced the freedom, excitement, energy, healing, and possibility that comes from choosing in that state of mind.

In this episode I explore the consequences of both types of decision making, and I give you some tips on how to avoid making fear based decisions that leave you feeling less than. 

Mar 07, 2017
The Secret Consequences of Being Authentic and Transparent with Paul Colaianni (Rebroadcast)
01:06:19

This episode is a rebroadcast of a powerful conversation I had with Paul Colaianni -- host of The Overwhelmed Brain Podcast and author of "The Overwhelmed Brain: Personal Growth For Critical Thinkers".

Paul Colaianni has not always led an authentic life. Experiences as a child taught him that authenticity and self expression were detrimental to his health and the health of those around him, so he bottled them up. The result was a life ripe with unsteady relationships, frustration, and disillusionment. It wasn’t until facing the end of another relationship, that Paul reached an emotional, mental and spiritual breaking point, which sent him on a 10 year journey to study and self examine. Today, Paul is a self empowerment coach who uses his life experiences and the insights he’s picked up along the way, to coach others through their challenges and help them reach their personal goals.

In this episode, Paul shares what he’s learned through a life of exploring what living
authentically means to him, and he gets personal with me and he talks about his experience of growing up in an alcoholic home, destroying relationships with judgement and fear, and going through life not being his true authentic self.

Notes From This Episode:

Mar 02, 2017
The Consequence Of Breaking Promises To Yourself
21:20
In today's episode I'm talking about the importance of keeping the promises you make to yourself. As with many things in life, our ability to keep promises to others is linked to our ability to keep promises to ourselves. 
 
If we break internal promises we're more likely to break external promises, both big and small.
 
The idea of integrity is at stake here -- doing what you say you will do.
 
Each time you don't keep a promise to yourself, you let yourself down. Your confidence is shook. You don't believe you'll be able to do it next time. And at that point you're sunk.
 
Failing to keep a promise communicates that you don't value the person you made the promise to, which in this case is YOU. Failing to keep promises erodes trust. It messes with your self esteem, confidence, our experience of life.
 
In short, there are many crappy consequences to failing to keep promises to yourself.
 
Yet we continue to do it.
 
For me, it wasn't until I became aware of (A) just how frequently I was breaking promises to myself, and (B) the impact that breaking those promises was having on my ability to keep my word with other people, that I truly started understanding the significance of my actions, and started making a change. 
 
Here's how to keep more of the promises you make to yourself (borrowed from this blog article):
  1. Make it concrete -- smart goals
  2. Write it down
  3. Start small
    • if you can do the small, you can do the big (opposite is also true: if you CANT do the small, how can you do the big?)
  4. Do it no matter what
    • you may make excuses, rationalize not doing it, have 100 great reasons why something else is more important -- do it anyway
  5. Hold same standard for others
 
Notes from this episode:
Feb 23, 2017
How I'm Fixing My F'd Up Relationship Towards Money
27:57

In this episode I'm talking about an aspect of health and wellness that I don't think gets a lot of attention, and that's your relationship towards money. For 18 years I've had an incredibly disempowering relationship with my personal finances. I went years without looking into the state of my personal finances, dodging creditor phone calls, never checking my credit score, and blowing all my cash as soon as it was payday. What that got me was massive anxiety around just about anything money related. 

But things changed for me 2 years ago when I became very intentional about shifting my relationship towards money. 

Now, I believe that a healthy relationship towards and knowledge of your personal finances is vital to feeling like you have it all. Remember, A.L.L. stands for "Abundant Loving Life", and Life can be broken down to the 6 F's of: Faith, Family, Friends, Fitness, FINANCE and Fun. How can you have an abundant and loving relationship with Finance if you're afraid of it?

I'm sharing with you some of the mindset shifts that have happened with me that has ushered me down a new path in how I experience my finances and with what I'm attracting. I'm also sharing with you the tool that Sarah and I use to get out household finances in order and finally feel like we're adults who are on top of things!

Notes from this episode:

Feb 16, 2017
I'm Feeling Tired Of Working On Myself
15:49

I'm coming clean in this episode and am sharing something I've been feeling for a little while now: I'm tired of working on myself.

I'm tired of feeling like I need to constantly improve myself, fix things, heal wounds, grow and transform. At the moment - and I stress that I understand this to be a momentary feeling and not a permanent state, but nevertheless - I feel the desire to unplug, get out of my environment for a bit, and live on a beach. Yes, I want to spend my days in the sun and sand : )

I'm sharing this for a few reasons: First, it's my truth and this show is all about transparency. So there's that. Second, because I know other people out there are feeling similar. You are feeling totally inundated with "self help" stuff. You can't open up your social media without seeing inspirational quotes and videos with dramatic music. You can't walk through a bookstore without someones guide to improving everything that's wrong with you being broadcast from a shelf. You can't hop into a podcast without people giving you tips for how you can "level up" and "hack" your life. I'm probably guilty on that one myself.

But if you're feeling the way I have been feeling lately, then this episode is giving you permission to vent, let it out, confess the mortal sin of feeling fed up with self help, and be a real person. 

Feb 16, 2017
Be Aware Of How Your Thoughts Impact Your Performance
26:28

In this episode I'm giving two examples of how your thinking impacts your ability to perform. I talk about the consequences on your body of holding loving and empowering thoughts versus fearful and scarce thoughts. And I challenge you to become more aware of the individual thoughts you choose to hold and replay in your mind that are influencing how you feel about yourself, others and life. 

Your thoughts have a huge impact on how you show up in life physically, emotionally, mentally, socially and spiritually. The conversations you have in your head, the beliefs you hold about yourself, others and life, all impact your ability to perform. 

My examples today both come from the local gym I'm a member of, and I think gyms are a great place to illustrate the power of your thinking. In a gym, when stress is being applied to our bodies, we are presented with fantastic circumstances to become aware of our thinking and to experience the consequences of those thoughts.

If you hold negative, disempowering thoughts while you're body is under physical stress, you will most likely break under the pressure. In a gym this looks like not making it through an exercise, dropping the weights, screaming breathlessly. But when we hold empowering, loving thoughts, we're able to more easily tap into flow and stay in our power. If you haven't experienced it yourself then simply walk into a gym and observe the people around you. You will see many examples of people's minds dictating their output. 

Feb 16, 2017
The Importance Of Acknowledging Your Own Growth
23:47

In today's episode I'm talking about how important it is that you periodically take time to acknowledge how far you've come in your personal growth journey. So frequently we are caught up in the pursuit of whatever it is that we're going after -- peace, joy, greatness, self mastery, personal development -- that we neglect to realize how far we've come. We spend our time thinking about how much further we have to go, and totally disregard the tremendous amount of healing and growing we had to do to get where we are today. 

I give you a couple of personal examples that I experienced very recently where I had an opportunity to recognize growth: one example with my wife and one example with both my wife and myself. 

If you're listening to this show then I can safely bet that you have been doing some sort of "work" on yourself. It will look different to different people, but I'm confident that one of your personal goals is to be a better person today (however you define better) than you were yesterday. I think that's great and love the fact that you're into self improvement. 

But I feel that self improvement needs to come with context and a point of reference in order to be truly appreciated, and to not simply become something that you're pursuing without knowing the end in mind. 

I share you with you stories and experiences in the hope that you will take something away from them that you can apply to your life. We're all connected, we all experience the same emotions with different catalysts, and in recording this episode I'm giving myself permission to stop and recognize my own healing and growth. 

Notes from this episode:

Feb 06, 2017
QUICK FIX: Learn To Love Life's Hardships
04:31

In today's quick fix I let you know why you need to learn to love and get excited about life's hardships

--- Rough episode transcript ---

If you’re listening to this podcast then I know that you’re into improving yourself and truly stepping into your badassness, and I can bet that you’ve been practicing.
 
Maybe it’s meditating or journaling or being grateful or facing your fears or practicing humility.
 
Whatever it is, this message for you. 
 
WHEN SHIT HITS THE FAN IN LIFE, WHICH HAPPENS AND WILL NEVER STOP HAPPENING UNTIL YOU’RE DEAD, YOU NEED TO BE PSYCHED ABOUT IT!
 
Hear me out.
 
You’ve been doing all of these things to improve yourself. You’ve been finding your strength, uncovering your gifts, revealing your mission and purpose. You’ve been practicing getting organized and being compassionate and having courage. You’ve been listening to podcasts and reading books and attending retreats and buying courses.
 
All of these things have been your training, and none of it matters when life is going smoothly.
 
When life is great and everything is working out in your favor and the tides are rising, you’re not asked to be courageous and humble and intelligent and mature. 
 
It’s only when shit goes south, when life smacks you in the face with circumstances, that your training is put to the test.
 
So, you have to start relating to life’s circumstances as GAME TIME! Seriously. When you create a fender bender on the way to work, or your kitchen floods, or your kid does something dumb and gets arrested, or your baby won’t stop crying, or your partner is withholding love — THAT is when you will really get a chance to see how far you’ve come. It’s in those moments that all the reps you’ve put in reading and meditating and working on yourself matter. 
 
Because when you’re able to respond differently to a situation that you’ve responded to the same way your whole life, you’ve just won and you’ve stepped your game up just a little bit.
 
So get excited when things go south, because it’s in these moments when you actually have an opportunity to grow. 
 
As I say all the time, HAVING IT ALL is about your relationship to life and what it serves up, so next time you’re presented with a circumstance that sucks, remember that’s it’s an opportunity to grow into a greater version of yourself. 
 
That’s it for today.
 
Check out the show notes for this episode for links to the music. You can find them at Fireside Network.com. 
 
Keep the emails coming. I appreciate them. You can hit me up at mattcbivens@gmail.com.
 
If you got something from today’s episode then I’d really appreciate a review on iTunes. Just search “Having it all” and you’ll find it.
 
And I’m out!
 
Jan 26, 2017
The Crucial Difference Between Agreement And Understanding
22:50
In this episode I'm deep diving into the difference between agreement and understanding. Failing to grasp the difference between these two things can stop a conversation or relationship in its tracks. Seeking to understand someone or to be understood is world's different than wanting agreement. How is muddying the two impacting your relationships?
 
--- Rough transcript --- 
 
So nod your head if you've been in a situation like this:
 
You're sitting across from someone who holds a point of view that's completely opposite of yours. They believe XYZ is right and true, while you believe 123 is right and true. You go back and forth stating why you're right, why they're wrong, and trying your damn best to get them to understand, because once they understand you're convinced that they will agree with you!
 
Alright, so AGREEMENT and UNDERSTANDING.
 
This might sound like a simple topic, and it is, yet the implications of getting this wrong are huge.
 
Confusing agreement and understanding can lead to serious breakdowns in relationships. It's often the breaking point in communication and it's worth exploring.
 
I've talked extensively on this podcast about a family situation I'm experiencing right now, and I'm going to do it again because it's ripe with amazing examples of alignments and misalignments that I am learning from and you can learn from through me.
 
This is what was happening with my sister. 
 
She wanted to do X with my dad and I felt more inspired by Y. We went back and forth for months, getting nowhere, and building up more frustration. Hope for a resolution was being lost because we were seeking Agreement. 
 
Then I shifted tactics. 
 
Feedback from Kemi: "Shut the hell up and just listen!"
 
Took my blows on the next call. Didn't agree with what they were saying -- feelings are not facts -- but understanding was my goal, not agreement. So I worked on understanding them.
 
ME: "Okay so what I'm hearing is that you were feeling like I was punishing you by not intentionally making you a part of Maya's life? I was withholding her from you, didn't introduce her to you over Christmas when you had the first chance to meet her, and you feel like I'm doing that to punish you (whether consciously or subconsciously)?
 
DANA: "Yes, that's what I'm saying".
 
How can I argue with her perception? That's how she feels. That's how she saw it. I didn't think I was doing that on purpose, but that was her experience and therefore her reality. 
 
I did not have to agree with her in order to understand her. 
 
Once I sought to understand her (and released the need for agreement), we were able to move forward because she felt heard and understood.
 
Literally released all the tension in the conversation and diffused the whole convo when she said "Yes, I feel understood". There was nothing else to argue on. We could move forward. 
 
This is huge because so often the goal of a conversation is AGREEMENT.
 
You can understand where someone is coming from without agreeing with their position.
We also believe that the ability to move forward and carry on depends on agreements, but that's often not the case at all.
 
It's critically important to understand the difference between these two because not understanding the difference will get you stuck. 
 
It is applicable for romantic relationships or business relationships, friendships, parenting -- everything.
 
EXAMPLE: not agreeing on parenting styles. Sarah and I on opposite sides of Maya's sleep. Sarah wanted strict sleep schedule. I was more lenient. Around the holidays this came to a head when I wasn't respecting her desire for Maya to nap while at my mom's house. Understanding the environments we grew up in and the ways we were raised allowed us both to understand one another without having to agree. She's a little less strict, and I'm more scheduled.
 
So be mindful of when you're seeking agreement and confusing it with understanding. Become more aware of when there's a breakdown of understanding that's impeding your ability to move forward. 
 
MOVE
Practice seeking to understand someone, and release the need for agreement. If there's an active conflict in your life right now between you and another person, this is the place to practice. Especially if egos are flaring up. The more anxiety and discomfort you feel towards this person and conflict, the more crucial it is that you practice this with them.
 
I also talk about understanding in the episode "How to help your loved ones feel understood", which a number of you have emailed me about. So check that one out as well. It's on iTunes, Stitcher, and on FireSideNetwork.com
 
 
GRATITUDE
Today’s gratitude goes to:
  • DJ Quads and maxzwell for the music used in today’s episode (links to the tracks are in the show notes)
  • Christie for the review on iTunes and Valerie for the email -- I truly appreciate the love in both forms! If you want to leave a review, itunes is the best way to do it......if you want to shoot me an email mattcbivens@gmail.com
  • grateful to any listener who checked out the show for the first time. thats a risk and i truly hope you feel it paid off. time is one of those things we don't get back so you spending it with me is truly humbling. thank you. 
 
And with that, my name is Matthew Bivens HERE’S TO YOU HAVING IT ALL!
Jan 20, 2017
QUICK FIX: What Games Are You Winning At?
04:04

I 100% believe that you are a winner!

I'm not talking about in the blow smoke up your ass self help type of way.

You are winning at the games you're choosing to play in life.

Some of us are playing the game of VICTIM, others are playing the game of being BROKE, others are playing the game of NOT VALUING THEMSELVES.

What games are you winning at in life?

---- Rough Transcript ----

 
I watched the College Football National Championship game last night between Clemson and Alabama. Great game, had everything you want in sports: drama, great plays, last minute heroics.
Half of the players and fans enjoyed the outcome of the game, half hated it.
Reminded me that we are all winning at the games we're playing in life.
Here are some common games that we play:
  • Playing the game of being led by your emotions - There are much bigger games than your emotions. But when you don't see it that way, people show up in your life to ride the emotional roller coaster with you, or to turn that roller coaster into high gear.
  • Playing the game of “I ain’t got no power, no influence, no voice, no impact”
  • Playing the game of being an overworked mom
  • Playing the game of being under-appreciated - People don’t value you. You don’t matter. YOU don’t value you.
  • Playing the game of being the victim
 
I’ve certainly won at that game. 
In my past, I’ve won at the game of “Life doesn’t want me to experience massive joy”
I’ve won at the game of “You’re not smart enough, strong enough, clever enough, sexy enough to have the life you want”
I’ve won at the game of “You will never experience the abundance that you seek”
I’ve certainly won those games.
But you know what, someone else can keep those trophies because I’m through with that!
 
These days I’m playing different games:
  • Playing the game of Self Mastery
  • Playing the game of personal greatness
  • Playing the game of positively impacting everyone you contact
 
SO what games are YOU winning at? And are you enjoying the spoils of your triumphs?
If not, why the hell are you still playing them?
Jan 10, 2017
How To Cope When S*** Hits The Fan
20:28

In today's episode I'm giving you two new beliefs to wear on for when the stuff hits the fan in your life. If you've ever felt like life keeps dealing you a raw hand, that you keep on being served up trial after trial, and that the next challenge seems bigger than the last, then you want to pay attention!

A while ago I was handed two new beliefs to try on for when circumstances arise. Beliefs are like t-shirts, you can try them on to see how they fit. Keep the ones that work for you and put them on again whenever you need them. Or discard them if they don't work for you. That's the great thing about beliefs, they are abundant!

The things I'm talking about today will help you remain in your power when adversity comes your way. 

--- Rough Transcript ---

This week I was presented with circumstances that trusted my Faith. Faith is TRUST + SURRENDER.
 
My basement flooded, destroying some things I had stored down there, and knocking out my hot water. Not the worst situation in the world, but definitely something that I could at one time have made a big deal over.
 
2 beliefs I’ve adopted that help me deal with circumstances of all sizes:
  • God, The Universe, whatever NEVER presents you with something you cannot handle. 
    • You’re equipped to handle everything that comes your way. it may not seem that way, it may hurt and you may cry and scream and curse, but if it’s presented to you that means you can handle it. Always. Never fails. Don’t believe me? Think about this: if you’re hearing my voice right now, listening to this podcast, that means that you’ve survived every single hardship that has come your way. No matter how insurmountable it seemed at the time. You made it. Today, in this present 
  • You are always able to choose how you will respond to situations
    • You may not be able to control what happens, but you can always control how you choose to respond.

The way I chose to relate to my circumstance absolutely impacted how it ended up. People went out of their way to fix our basement for us. They got us a hotel, came over after hours and stayed late into the night in the freezing temps to fix our issue. 

The situation was 100% impacted by how I chose to view and respond to the circumstance. 

 

It all comes down to your relationship to the circumstance and your response to the circumstance. 

Jan 07, 2017
QUICK FIX: What is your word for 2017?
04:13

Bonus episode today. This episode is all about being intentional on how you want to experience 2017. It's about mindset and creating the context for how you will approach circumstances that come at you in the next year. It's probably the easiest activity you can do to get clear on how you'll have it all next year.

I was getting my mind focused on 2017, who I wanted to be, what I wanted to experience, and what I wanted to create in the year, and it got me thinking about my word for the year.

Last year my word was "Creation" and I did a whole lot of that during the year. My wife and I created life and welcomed our daughter Maya in September. I created multiple businesses and products. I launched 2 podcasts - this show and Doing It At Home (my home birth podcast with my wife). I created new friends and created new experiences with old friends. I also created countless opportunities to practice humility, surrender, and patience.

This year my word -- well actually my phrase -- is BEAST MODE. To me that means being bold, courageous, fearless and loving. It's the mindset I will have as I step into the fire and uncomfortable circumstances. It's the person I will be in the most important roles in my life. It's how I'll approach business and creating new opportunities.

So what is your word for 2017?

Email me at mattcbivens@gmail.com and tell me your word. Or use the contact form on www.MatthewBivens.com

The theme music from this episode is called Love by maxzwell - https://soundcloud.com/maxzwell/love

Jan 01, 2017
The #1 Reason You Fail At New Years Resolutions
32:17

Today we're talking about new year resolutions and why so many of us fail at keeping them going year after year. I look at the statistics behind new years resolution failure, the most common resolutions set each year, and explore some reasons why they fail and tips to avoid failure. I also share an interesting psychological angle into why we don't succeed with our resolutions. But all of this is overshadowed by the #1 reason why we fail to accomplish our new years resolutions, which I share at the end. 

It's 2 days before the new year, and I want to talk about NEW YEARS RESOLUTIONS.
 
I've got some statistics and psychology in this episode, and I'll link to all of the resources that I used in the show notes on Fireside Network.
 
What you'll hear in today's episode:
  • The research on New Years Resolutions and why they fail
  • An interesting psychological phenomena that could be hurting your chances of succeeding with your resolutions
  • My #1 reason why resolutions fail, and what to do about it

 

Rough Episode Transcription

RESEARCH
 
50% of people set resolutions
25% abandoned by end of first week
By the end of the year, only 8% of people will have kept their new years resolutions. 
 
Many people make the same resolutions year after year (some up to 10x, the ones who succeed normally have tried 6x)

Top resolutions:

  • exercise more
  • lose weight
  • Quit smoking
  • get out of debt.
  • manage money better

Common reasons for failure include:

  • Setting too many
  • Getting derailed by small failures
  • Setting overly ambitious goals (will be 100% debt free)
  • Overly restrictive goals (will eat zero sugar this year)
  • Thinking you can change more quickly, more easily, or more # (amount) than is the reality — amount/speed/ease
 
Tips from the Psychology Today article "Why New Years Resolutions Fail" :
  1.  Focus on one resolution, rather several;
  2. Set realistic, specific goals. Losing weight is not a specific goal. Losing 10 pounds in 90 days would be;
  3.  Don't wait till New Year's eve to make resolutions. Make it a year long      process, every day;
  4. Take small steps. Many people quit because the goal is too big requiring  too big a step all at once;
  5.  Have an accountability buddy, someone close to you that you have to report to;
  6. Celebrate your success between milestones. Don't wait the goal to be finally completed;
  7. Focus your thinking on new behaviors and thought patterns. You have to create new neural pathways in your brain to change habits;
  8. Focus on the present. What's the one thing you can do today, right now, towards your goal?
  9. Be mindful. Become physically, emotionally and mentally aware of your inner state as each external event happens,moment by moment, rather than living in the past or future.
 
 
AFFECTIVE FORECASTING.
 
Psychological angle:
Because resolutions are typically about things that we haven’t been able to achieve during the year, we end up feeling gratified simply by thinking about doing them. The intention satisfies us in that moment, and we like that because we don’t have to actually go out and do anything. It’s called AFFECTIVE FORECASTING. It makes sense because when you make a resolution, you feel great about it in that moment, you feel excited about the new you that will be a reality by the end of the year, and you predict that you’ll feel the same great feelings about the resolution in the future. But when you finally get into action it doesn’t feel as great as you had predicted, and so you put it off.
 
 
#1 REASON FOR FAILURE
 
Big reasons for failure: YOUR WHY IS TOO SMALL!
 
You are not ready to make a change. You set resolutions because other people set resolutions. It’s what you do before the new year. But you are very attached to the habits (actions, thoughts, relationships) that have gotten you to where you are today, and you are unwilling to release those attachments. So you get started on the resolution, things go well for a few weeks, then your attachments are really tested, and you fall back on the habits that you’ve put in work to form. And the cycle repeats itself.
 
You also start and stop because they don't have a big enough Why. What is the big Why that's inspiring you to wake up and get going each day? What bigger purpose are you serving? Is it big enough to weather the storms of apathy? Is your why more appealing than sitting on the couch? That's it's biggest competition!
 
Is your why big enough to keep burning through life circumstances? If your why was a flame, how big would that flame be? 
 
Going through Mission Statement process right now. Examining my beliefs, aka values, what they mean to me, my gifts, talents and passions, looking at my environments and what abundance means and feels like to me. The end result will be a Mission Statement, a bigger WHY, my North Star. 
 
 
MOVE
 
Get clear on your big WHY and turn it into a Personal Mission Statement.
 
There are many ways to do it, and I absolutely recommend working with someone who has experience crafting powerful Mission Statements.
 
But here's the thing: simply spending 10 minutes thinking about your why and composing a simple mission statement will empower you.
 
Specific actions this week:
  • Spend 10 minutes thinking about and writing down your big WHY. 
    • 5 minutes thinking about it.
    • 5 minutes turning it into a powerful, single sentence
 
Will fuel your New Years Resolution motivation, but will also act as your North Star when dealing with life circumstances in general.
 
Many different types of ways to write your WHY. 
 
I've included the versions of my personal mission statement in the show notes so you can see a few examples. 
 
GRATITUDE
 
 
Today’s gratitude goes to:
 
  • iTunes reviewers.
  • Joey Pecoraro and maxzwell for the music used in today’s episode (links to the tracks are in the show notes)
  • 2016
  • thank you to all of your for listening
 
And with that, my name is Matthew Bivens HERE’S TO YOU HAVING IT ALL!
Dec 30, 2016
The Consequences Of Brutal Honesty
23:37

In today's episode I'm talking about the consequences of brutal honesty. There can be a tremendous amount of fear and anxiety associated with honesty, despite the freeing impact that complete honesty can have on ourselves and in our relationships.

This episode was inspired by an article I read titled "The Pros And Cons Of Brutal Honesty". The following quote from the article sets up this episode perfectly:

"People that stop growing are individuals who decide they can no longer handle brutal honesty. "
 
I believe part of what it means to love someone unconditionally - yourself included - is being honest with them.
 
Honest with how they are showing up, your feelings towards them, how you experience them, what you'd like to experience with them, what you see for them, the impact they have on your life.
 
This show is about rewriting beliefs, moving through fears, discovering your truth, and viewing life through a lens of abundance and love -- and getting there, for most of us, takes growth.
 
What you'll hear in this episode:
  • The common consequences, both welcomed and not, of being brutally honest
  • My experience with being deceptive and opaque in relationships
  • A great free tool to help you practice honesty with yourself

 

Dec 21, 2016
How To Help Your Loved Ones Feel Understood
45:44

In this episode I share an incredibly simple yet profoundly effective technique for helping your loved ones feel more understood by you. Taking nods from Stephen Covey's book "The 7 Habits Of Highly Effective People", I break down the process of empathic listening and share a personal story of how a recent family therapy session led to a breakthrough in understanding.

As Ralph Nichols put it “The most basic of all human needs is the need to understand and be understood. The best way to understand people is to listen to them.”

Today’s episode kicks off a brand new season of the Having It A.L.L. podcast!

On this episode I’m sharing one profound lesson and breakthrough stemming from a family therapy conference call I attended this past week with my sisters and father. I’m getting very personal on this episode because I believe that so many people can relate to the situation my family is experiencing right now, and because transparency is a key value of mine for this show, I’m sharing my insights with you all.
 
But before I get into the meat I’m going over all the amazing things you can expect in Season 2 of the podcast! From new music to new production to new segments, I’ve made some changes that will help you continue to create a life of abundance and love.
 
In the new segment called MOVE I’m giving you one concrete action item to take away from the episode. You're listening to this show because you want massive results in your life. Not because you want to feel an ounce more clarity, self love, confidence, courage, peace, but because you want a whole ocean full of it!
 
That type of shift only happens when you take massive action, and MOVE is all about you getting into massive action to create a new result or experience in life.
 
The second new segment is called GRATITUDE. Gratitude is the key component to experiencing life as abundant and loving (remember, the A.L.L. in the show’s title stands for Abundant Loving Life). In GRATITUDE I’m recognizing the people who made the episode possible, along with giving credit to the insanely talented musicians who provide the music for the episode.
 
Overall, Season 2 is turning up the authenticity, rawness, and value, and I cannot wait to get rolling!
Dec 14, 2016
Trusting Yourself and Living Life On Your Terms with Dr. Tiffany Stewart
53:44

In today’s episode I’m talking with Dr. Tiffany Stewart on living life on your own terms and using visualization and goal setting to create the life you want to live.

***

Remember in grade school when we wanted to be excused from class to go to the bathroom, what did we need to make that happen? A permission slip!

Well, somewhere between then and adulthood many of us neglected to drop that belief when it came to living our most joyful and authentic lives! We believe that permission is needed to create a life that we are passionate to live.

My guest today has built her career off of rescripting that belief and helping people create the life that they want.

Dr. Tiffany Stewart. Tiffany is a mother, coach, professor, counselor, businesswoman and speaker. Her passion is to help individuals who may be stuck in some area of life, tap into their power and give themselves permission to step into their purpose and create the life they want to live.
 
What you'll hear in this episode:What you'll hear in this episode:
  • Tiffany’s story of rewriting the beliefs of her childhood
  • How to flip the script on the “imposter syndrome”
  • 5 questions to ask yourself to find your purpose
Dec 14, 2016
Epic Challenge: Learning Compassion and How To Trust Your Intuition with Anthony Strayhorn
46:16

In today's episode I'm going in with Anthony Strayhorn on his Epic Challenge - an area of his life where he is feeling stuck, frustrated, confused and unable to make a change. We’re getting personal, we’re getting real, and we’re playing for breakthroughs!

Anthony's Epic Challenge is about learning how to toe the line between consideration and courage with his clients. He is a personal fitness coach and works with people who are looking to shift their fitness, lifestyle and consciousness. Anthony is looking to tap into his compassion more, but not at the expense of tough love. It's the balance of these two things he's striving for. 

No small feat. But that's why it's called an EPIC Challenge afterall!

Once again, some of the things we discuss in this episode may not be for young ears so you may want to vet this one before letting the kiddos listen.

What you’ll hear in this episode:
  • Anthony gets honest on his current Epic Challenge and why he’s sought feedback
  • The real feelings and emotions that come up when you give someone feedback they may not want to hear
  • How to juggle between coming from the mind and heart
Dec 07, 2016
How Going Off The Beaten Trail Can Help You Find Your Path with Jake Heilbrunn
40:14

In today's episode I talk to Jake Heilbrunn about his inspiring story of dropping out of college to go on a soul searching journey through Central America, all captured in his new book "Off The Beaten Trail".

This self discovery journey gave Jake the opportunity to overcome fears, expand his perspective, and inspire himself to do (and be) things he didn't think possible.

Not only is the book itself an example of intention at work, but also the way that Jake sought out funding and endorsements.

Jake is also a speaker who uses his story to inspire people to follow their intuition and believe in their own greatness.

What you’ll hear in this episode:

  • Jake’s amazing story of his solo backpacking journey through Central America
  • Embracing fear and moving through it to accomplish your goals
  • Simple ways to practice gratitude and abundance
Nov 29, 2016
7 Thoughts On Gratitude You Haven't Heard Before
21:19

In this episode I'm talking all about Gratitude. I'm giving you 7 things you probably haven't heard before about gratitude. We're talking about gratitude in your personal finances, tools for helping you form a gratitude habit, how gratitude can improve your relationships, the power of gratitude to totally flip your mood, how we feel more gratitude for experiences rather than things, and why gratitude in conflict is more powerful than forgiveness or acceptance.

I used a few resources to create the list for this episode and I'm going to post them all in the show notes at www.FiresideNetwork.com. Just go there, select this show from the Shows list, and click on today's episode.

 
If you have some tips, thoughts or stories on gratitude, I'd love to hear them. Reach me on my personal email address at mattcbivens@gmail.com.
 
I'd particularly love to hear how you've cultivated a regular gratitude habit into your life. If you send me your tips I'll do a follow up to this episode where I share them on air.
Nov 24, 2016
The Danger Of Seeking Work-Life Balance
27:05

In this episode I tear apart the concept of “work-life balance” and explain why it’s dangerous, leads to unhealthy living, and why we have to replace it with a healthy and sustainable construct.

We’re all familiar with the idea of work-life balance. It’s a phrase and concept we’ve been fed for years. But have you really thought about the implications? What the phrase implies? And have you been able to create a work-life balance in your life for a significant period of time, and kept it going?!

I consider myself a student of balance. Truly, it’s something that when I realized I needed I got into action (both on the doing AND being side), to create a healthier balance of all things important in my life. For the past almost 4 years I’ve been playing a health and fitness game called the YourDay Balance Game (yup, “balance” is in the title!). I’ve tried different tools and trackers and systems to create balance, and I’ve discovered some powerful things about the concept of “work-life” balance that I want to reveal on this episode.

What you’ll hear in this episode:

  • Why we must do away with work-life balance as we know it
  • A much more powerful construct of balance that’s holistic, realistic and sustainable
  • An amazing tool to create meaningful and lasting balance in your life
Nov 19, 2016
Epic Challenge: "Who Do I Need To Be To Release Self Judgement?" with Kelly Lynn Prime
44:07

It’s Epic Challenge time again! That means I’m going in with my guest on the area of their life where they are feeling stuck, frustrated, confused and unable to make a change. We’re getting personal, we’re getting real, and we’re playing for breakthroughs!

This week I’m joined by Kelly Lynn Prime. Kelly’s Epic Challenge is about releasing self judgement, shifting the conversation of the inner critic, and surrendering to unconditional love.

No small feat. But that's why it's called an EPIC Challenge afterall!

Once again, some of the things we discuss in this episode may not be for young ears so you may want to vet this one before letting the kiddos listen.

What you’ll hear in this episode:
  • Kelly get honest on her current Epic Challenge and why she’s sought feedback
  • The lenses through which Kelly sees and relates to herself
  • Methods of deflection used to avoid addressing the Epic Challenge
  • Raw and honest feedback Kelly received from her community on her Epic Challenge, and how she received it
Nov 10, 2016
How To Melt Your Fears Like Butter
16:56

I’ve talked about facing fears a number of times on this show.

Most people who have a "self help" type of show probably talk a lot of about fears. And for great reason: Fears keep us from experiencing LOVE in life.

You can boil your decisions down to a choice between fear and love, and that includes your decision on how and who to BE in life.

So yes, fear is worth talking about!

Today I’m sharing with you a powerful new way to look at your fears, and what it takes to overcome them, that gave me one of those "mind = blown" moments when it was told to me.

This new paradigm around overcoming fears was shared with me by my coach, Day Adeogba, and has completely shifted how I think about and step into fears in my own life.

Chew on this:

“Fear is like butter, and courage is like fire.”

What does this mean? Well, I’m unpacking this powerful statement in today’s episode.

What you’ll hear in the episode.

  • The meaning of the phrase “Fear is like butter, and courage is like fire”.
  • A very personal example of me applying that wisdom
  • How to truly dissolve fears (and not repeat them)
Nov 02, 2016
Do You Know Your Center? The Success Of Your Relationships Depends On It!
44:29

This episode was inspired by a conversation I had with my father. Like many topics I cover in this podcast, my own life is the testing ground where I attempt to choose LOVE over FEAR, and share with you the things I've learned. 

Today I'm talking about the importance of knowing what your center is - the lens through which you see the world and relationship that shapes your values, thoughts and behaviors. 

There are many different centers you can have. You can be Spouse centered, Money centered, Family centered, Work centered, Possession centered, Pleasure centered, and more. 

Each of these centers has a consequence. The person who is Spouse centered, for example, feels secure when their spouse treats them well, and insecure when they don't. The person who is Money centered derives their sense of self worth from their net work. 

Each center carries with it a way of looking at and relating to the world. 

As you can see by now, these centers are incredibly important because they shape how we see the world.

Quick note: the centers I'm referring to come straight from Stephen Covey's book The 7 Habits Of Highly Effective People. 

In this podcast episode I share with you a consequence of being Family centered, and how relationships hinge on not only knowing your loved ones center, but also understanding how those centers shape how they perceive the world and how they prefer to be treated. 

What you'll hear in this episode:

  • A breakdown of the consequences of being Family centered
  • The 5 Love Languages
  • The importance of knowing not only your center and your Love Language, but that of the people closest to you
Oct 27, 2016
Who Are You When No One Is Watching?
36:44

The self improvement game is, many times, a public one. Spiritual, physical, mental and emotional self work can all be done in the open or with a group of people. And with group meditation and yoga and other similar things really taking off these days, one could buy into the idea that self improvement is a public act. 

But there's something so much more important than the things we're DOING to improve our relationship to our selves, others and life, and that's who we're BEING. 

I've talked about Doing vs Being on the podcast before, but today's topic takes it a degree further. Today I'm going in on the question: Who are you when no one is watching?

So, I ask YOU -- when you're alone, in your secrecy, with no one watching and no one holding you accountable except for yourself, who are you? How do you treat yourself? What allowances do you give yourself? What language do you use to describe yourself and those around you?

The way you answer those questions reveals more about your true state of being than other more outward displays of wellness. 

It's said that you have between 40,000 - 60,000 thoughts per day. If you were to categorize each as a LOVING thought or FEARFUL thought, what would your ratio be?

What you'll hear in this episode:

  • How my secret self was exposed recently, and the consequences of my seeing the truth
  • The self talk that contributes to us playing small
  • The costs of not doing what you say you will do
Oct 19, 2016
Epic Challenge: Walking Into My Authentic Self with Sandy Chambers
01:01:06

On today’s episode we explore another EPIC CHALLENGE!

This time I’m sitting down with my great friend Sandy Chambers as we explore her current challenge: Who do I need to be to feel powerful, healthy and light in my body, and graduate to the Intermediate playing field in the YourDay Balance Game*?

Sandy holds nothing back as she shares why she considers this challenge EPIC, the feedback she received about how she can power through her epic challenge, and the actions she has taken to heal and grow.

Some of the things we discuss in this episode may not be for young ears. We talk about some grown folks stuff here!

The YourDay Balance Game is a world class health and fitness game that is governed by balance and love. The YourDay Balance Game (YDBG) has three dimensions (Fitness, Lifestyle and Consciousness) and each of these three dimensions can be measured (through the Gameday, Balance Chart and COI respectively). The fitness assessment (Gameday) measures body composition, strength, endurance and flexibility. There are 5 levels in the Gameday (Beginner, Intermediate, Advanced, Pro and All Star) with the requirements and exercises in each growing in difficulty as you progress. Sandy is currently a Beginner player in her Gameday, and a major part of her current Epic Challenge is who she needs to be to graduate to the Intermediate level.

What you’ll hear in this episode:

  • Sandy open up on her current Epic Challenge and why she’s sought feedback
  • The three major areas to address in order to move through the challenge
  • Some very intentional and powerful actions Sandy has gotten into to create a new experience for herself
Oct 05, 2016
Learning How to Choose Happiness and Create The Life You Want
59:25

There’s a fundamental belief that separates the people who feel like they have it all from the people who don’t, and that’s the belief that you have the power to CHOOSE.

It’s all about CHOICE. That’s the difference maker.

People who feel in their heart and soul that they have it all, have made a conscious choice to feel that way. They’ve literally decided that they can have it all in life, and subsequent choices aligned with the core belief.

My guest today is a powerful example and evangelist of that belief!

Heather Gray’s business name says it all: Choose To Have It All. Sounds sort of familiar, huh?

Heather is an executive coach, working with entrepreneurs and business leaders who have achieved that EXTERNAL success - you know, the great career, fat bank account, titles behind their name, but that success has come at the expense of their internal well being. What Heather does is she helps them have the lifestyle and wealth that they want, but also the personal fulfillment that they truly desire.

If you’ve read Stephen Covey’s landmark book The 7 Habits Of Highly Effective People, then you may remember that Habit #1 is “Be Proactive”, and that the essence of that habit (the major takeaway) is CHOICE. Proactive people are aware of their ability to choose: choose their response to circumstances, choose their relationship to themselves, others and life, and choose their level of joy and peace in life.

That’s the recurring theme in my conversation with Heather.

What you’ll hear in this episode:

  • How to tap into your previous experience to find strength and add to your personal toolbox
  • Why you sometimes have to “embrace the suck” in order to move forward
  • How to show compassion and empathy in the face of someone else’s struggle
Sep 29, 2016
Here's Why You Keep Getting Into Unhealthy Relationships
31:29

Today's podcast was inspired by an email I received from a listener.

Her situation is something that I think many of us can relate to, and it has to do with RELATIONSHIPS.

Situation: you're in a relationship, it ends for whatever reason, you feel hurt/betrayed/wronged, you do some soul searching, learn a few things about yourself, seek out and find a new relationship, get hurt/betrayed/wronged all over again, and wonder "Why this keeps on happening to me"

Sound familiar?

I'm proposing that you don't need to do more soul searching, meditating, or any of that stuff. What you need to do is develop relationship standards where you get crystal clear on the type of person you will ALLOW into your life (or your bed!) and stick to your damn standards!

The less than healthy relationships you have are due to a lack of accountability and STANDARDS around them.

What you'll hear in this episode:

  • Why creating relationship standards is only half of the equation
  • How creating standards can help you manifest the person who will uphold those standards
  • A simple process to get you started on creating your relationship standards

 

Sep 20, 2016
What The Birth Of My Child Has Taught Me About Faith (It's Not What You're Thinking)
26:47

This episode is all about FAITH, but not in the most widely used sense. I’m talking about having supreme confidence and trust in someone or something.

I look at faith like this: FAITH = TRUST + SURRENDER.

On Sunday September 11th, Sarah and I welcomed the birth of our daughter Maya. Through that experience I both witnessed and practiced the most humbling amount of trust and surrender that I have in my life thus far.

Sarah surrendered to her body, to the labor waves, to her coaches. I trusted in our preparation, in the team we assembled, and in my ability to support.

Witnessing what I can only describe as pure faith on the parts of everyone involved, I began to think about the other areas in my life where my personal faith is lacking. Where I’m failing to trust someone or something, and where I’m fighting for control rather than surrendering.

This episode is all about faith, trust and surrender. I briefly talk about Maya’s birth experience, but spend the bulk of the episode diving into what it looks and feels like when we lack faith in our lives.

What you’ll hear in this episode:

  • A powerful recontextualization of faith that you can apply to your life
  • Examples of what lacking faith, trust and surrender look and feel like
  • A call for you to examine what processes you’re hindering through your lack of faith
Sep 16, 2016
Epic Challenge: Knowing Whether to Move On or Dive In with Larry Nichols
48:00

Since January 2014 my wife and I have been a part of a weekly accountability group called a Circle Of Influence (COI). A standard part of each COI meeting is to cover one person’s Epic Challenge.

Through sitting in dozens and dozens of Epic Challenges (some of them my own), over the past 2.5 years, I’ve experience just how transformational of a process it can be when a person is willing to explore a stuck area in their lives, open to receiving feedback that’s coming from a loving and honest place, and willing to act (or not) on the feedback to impact their growth.

I wanted to bring the power of the Epic Challenge to more people, and that inspired this brand new series in the podcast where we will be diving into people’s Epic Challenges!

First up is Larry Nichols. Larry is a great friend of mine and a true source of inspiration for me and many others. He has an incredibly big heart and does not hold back on pouring love into everyone he meets, from lifelong friends to strangers on an airplane. He’s just one of those people with an infectious smile that makes you think, “Why is this man so happy??”

In this episode Larry talks with me about his current Epic Challenge, which centers on two things: how his current work aligns with his passions, and his ability to maintain his personal integrity in everything he does.

Larry’s challenge is incredibly relatable to anyone who has questioned their job or the business they are in, and who has searched for meaning behind the work they do.

What you’ll hear in this episode:

  • Larry and I dive into his Epic Challenge to uncover the root of where he’s stuck
  • The feedback Larry received around his Epic Challenge that helped him get unstuck
  • Actions that Larry has taken to create a new experience for himself
Sep 07, 2016
How To Expand The Great Things In Life Through Focus
33:11

You've probably heard sayings like"What you think you become." (Buddha) and "What you focus on expands." (T. Harv Eker).

They are great and make for awesome social media quotes and refrigerator magnets.

But I think the fact that they are used (perhaps overused today) so much has watered down the impact of the message.

The things that we choose to focus our time, energy, thoughts and resources on, grow and multiply and become more real for us.

We can all conjure up examples of this in our lives. It doesn't take much mental effort to do.

 

But I know that for at least myself, I don't take it to heart enough, and I wonder why it may be hard to shake feelings of frustration, sadness or resentment. 

It's because I'm focusing on them, instead of the amazing things in life!

This episode was inspired by an Epic Challenge that a friend of mine brought into our accountability group and received feedback on. Part of her feedback was that "the things you focus on expand", and it hit me in a powerful way because of the place that I was in at the time. 

In this episode I talk about the Epic Challenge feedback, discuss examples of things that I've been focusing on that have expanded in my world, and provide some solutions for creating and experiencing more great moments and less sad moments.

What you'll learn in this episode:

  • How to experience more great things in life through focus
  • 9 simple actions to help you form a gratitude habit
Aug 30, 2016
You're So Full Of It!
29:12

This past week was riddled with examples (both personally and with folks I'm close to) of people who were so caught up in their own bull****.

What am I talking about specifically? I'm talking about the stories that we tell ourselves about who we're being or how we're behaving, that only serve to protect our egos and end up hurting us in the long run.

We all have done it, and I'll venture to say we're all doing it in some way right now.

But doing so can prevent us from growing and healing, and living in a perpetual state of denial and delusion is absolutely not healthy. And it's not how we can have it all!

So his episode is all about us — you, me, everyone — recognizing when we’re bull****ing ourselves into believing something that’s not true, and cutting that crap out.

*Please note, this episode has some colorful language in it, so you may not want to listen to it with kids around or on a loud speaker in church. I'm just saying.

What you'll learn in this episode:

  • 4 examples of people being caught up in the bs stories they tell, and how it impacted them
  • The effects of remaining in your bs
  • How to finally see the bs for what it is and emerge from it

 

Aug 24, 2016
“I Can’t F*&%$#@ Do This” - Breaking Your Fear Patterns Once And For All
34:36

By now you might have heard of the Tony Robbins documentary “I am not your guru”. It’s been making its way around Netflix and the internet. If you haven’t seen it, I recommend you give it a watch!

Well, I checked it out the other day and can honestly say that few other documentaries have inspired me as much as this one.

It wasn’t Tony Robbins who inspired me. I love his approach to personal transformation. I love how raw and real he is. I love his boldness and that he’s not  afraid to call people on their bullshit. All of that makes for some compelling tv!

But no, it wasn’t Tony who inspired me.

Instead, I was inspired by the people in the documentary who recognized their opportunity for breakthrough, and boldly stepped into it.

This happens a handful of times in the documentary, and each time it’s amazing to watch them process the situation, become aware of their breakthrough moment, analyze the risk/reward, confront the terror that comes up, and take ACTION!

This episode is about what it really takes to experience a breakthrough in your life. To get unstuck. To start experiencing things in a dramatically different way. It takes action. It takes movement. It takes getting out of your head and getting into your heart and doing something that you know to be the best move for you, but scares you shitless.

Aug 17, 2016
How To Believe In Your Bigness And Quiet Your Limiting Voices
55:28

You know that voice in your head, that tells you just what you need to hear so that you shrink back, play small, succumb to fear. Yeah, you do?! Well, so does my guest on today's podcast.

Aaron Anastasi has quite the resume of accomplishments and experiences in his life:

  • He’s an artist and singer with an insanely popular Youtube channel that has over 11.5 million views and 130k subscribers
  • He’s a serial entrepreneur with a number of internationally recognized businesses, including the Superior Singing Method
  • He’s a success coach and author, recently publishing his new book, The Voice Of Your Dreams.
  • He has a master's from Princeton Theological Seminary, and is known to shred down mountains in Colorado and scale glaciers in Bolivia.

Aaron still has his inner voice, but it's whispering different things to him now.

In our conversation Aaron and I talk about limiting voices, shifting beliefs to shift results, abundance and the power of sexual intimacy for creativity.

What you’ll learn in this episode:

  • The difference between BEING and DOING
  • How to quiet your limiting inner voices
  • The single question that ignited a guttural brushfire within Aaron
Aug 09, 2016
How To Set Yourself Up For A Massively Awesome Life - Honoree Corder
43:53

Yup, this is a very loaded title. But here's the thing: everything my guest talk about are pieces for a massively awesome life. The tools, practices, mindsets and beliefs she shares, when practiced regularly and with intention, will absolutely set you up for a massively awesome life. Honoree has chosen powerful mentors to help equip her tool belt for life's curveballs.

Read the episode notes for this one, there's a lot in there. If you haven't heard of people like Napoleon Hill, Tony Robbins and Hal Elrod, then go check them out. Click the links or Google search them yourself, and see if their messages resonate. They've surely helped millions of people get out of their head and get into living!

So this episode is not about giving you a formula or template. Quite frankly I don't think they exist and I caution any person or source that claims to have the answer. But what Honoree does is give you incredibly powerful tools and beliefs that you can use and try on for yourself, to help you experience life in its full awesomeness!

Things you’ll learn in this episode:

  • What it means to be “mentally in debt”
  • Powerful questions to ask when you’re going through life’s stuff
  • Amazing morning/daily rituals to reduce stress, increase productivity and empower your day

 

Aug 03, 2016
The 6 F's - HIA Framework Part 3
31:14
This is part 3 in my series where I'm breaking down the meaning of A.L.L. - Abundant Loving Life, and where I'm sharing my framework for having it all.
 
In the A.L.L. framework, I've chosen to focus on what I think are 6 key areas of life: Faith, Family, Friends, Fitness, Finance, and Fun.
 
Faith: belief in something bigger than you; believing in something you don't understand. 
  • Not talking about religion specifically. You can have FAITH and not consider yourself religious. That's how I feel about myself. 
Family: the people in your innermost circle. 
  • Think of the symbol for Target (dot, circle, circle). The dot is family. Circle 1 is inner friends. Circle 2 is outer friends/acquaintances.
  • Not always blood. 
  • Listen to my convo with Robert Monroe, and he'll shift how you think about family (Robert was orphaned at age 12, but knows he has a large, loving family, including multiple mothers and fathers)
  • Includes romantic partners as well (spouse, significant other)
Friends: the people who are in your inner circle. Your personal tribe.
  • There to support you; see the greatness in you.
  • Tell it like it is; tell the uncomfortable truth.
  • Have your back; will defend and stand up for you.
  • However else you define friends.
Fitness: your health.
  • Is your body in a state of DETOX or INTOX?
  • Are you treating your body with kindness?
  • Being mindful of what you put in your body: food, drink, information, environments, people/conversations
  • Your ability to heal (HEAL is the root of HEALTH)
  • LIFEstyle versus DIEt
Finance: your ability to generate what you need to live the life you want
  • Not talking about being wealthy, although that is the goal of many
  • Are you living within your means?
  • What is your relationship like to your finances?
    • For many years, and still to this day, my relationship to my personal finances has been up and down. At times I feel great about my finances, confident, in control, knowledgable, following a plan -- abundant. Other times I feel lost, without a plan, lacking knowledge -- scarce. 
  • Your quality of life improves as your finances improve, to a point. At around $75,000 per year it rounds off, and then more money doesn't mean more peace, happiness or emotional health. It can actually go down. 
  • It's not about how much you make or spend, it's about your relationship to it all.
Fun: your ability to let your inner kid out, laugh, let go, and enjoy life.
  • This is where I personally thrive!
  • Fun means different things to different people. YOU define what fun is for you.
  • Many of us are not regularly making time for fun. It happens only on the weekends, or maybe even only on vacations. Otherwise we're hustling and working and just surviving.
  • Plenty of studies out there to support the importance of FUN, so I won't get into that. 
  • You can survive without fun, but I argue that you cannot THRIVE without it!
 
Measurements (Accountability) on the 6 F's
 
Faith - 10 couple meditations/prayers
Family - 15-20 family dinners, 10 family playtimes
Friends - 4 couple outings
Fitness - Regular weekly exercise, join a running group or fitness class. commit to doing a few small fitness things each day.
Finance - Enrolilng in Financial Peace and going through the 7 Baby Steps
Fun - 1 vacation out of country, 1 vacation in states
Jul 26, 2016
"You Have To Move Your Feet": A Story About Seeing The Beauty In All Of Life's Circumstances
01:17:19

Today’s guest is a father to three daughters, a husband to a beautiful wife, friend to myself and so many others, and an economist by profession.

His name is Robert Monroe, and if you met him in person, the first thing you’d probably notice is his smile.

He’s got one of those ear to ear smiles that tends to come with a hearty laugh and come from a place of joy.

But behind the smile is a man who has been some incredibly trying times in his life. At a young age Robert was orphaned and learned some brutal lessons about life. But his smile never faded.

I’m incredibly honored to bring you this conversation with Robert, where we talk about life, family, parenthood, and much more.

What you’ll learn in this episode:

  • A powerful metaphor for viewing your life as a masterpiece
  • How to create momentum and velocity in your life
  • An inspiring definition of "family"
Jul 19, 2016
Your Relationships Are Killing You
25:57

I truly believe that your relationships are the most important factor to your health (and I'm not talking about relationships in the way you might be thinking).

This episode will get you thinking.

What you’ll learn in this episode:

  • The types of relationships that take away from your health
  • How to reframe “stress” so you regain your power
  • A simple process for relating more powerfully to any circumstance
Jul 11, 2016
Learning to Love Yourself and Have It All Without Sacrificing a Thing - Ruby Fremon
45:16

There is a theme on this show that comes up in a number of episodes: Breakdowns lead to Breakthroughs.

My guest on today’s podcast knows all about this.

Ruby Fremon has had her breakdowns in life. She knows what it feels like to hit the proverbial rock bottom.

Her story has many familiar elements: destructive relationship, substance abuse, self hate.

But what makes Ruby unique is in her response to these life circumstances.

Now, after years of learning what “self love” means, Ruby can say with a smile that she is absolutely love life, and has made it her mission to help others do the same.

Ruby is a coach, catalyst and ignitor, helping people bust down their limiting beliefs, conquer their biggest fears, and get unstuck. She is a firm believer that you can have it all in life without sacrificing a thing (so you can see why we get along so well!)

What you’ll hear in this episode:

  • How to rewrite the “Why me” script
  • The importance of choosing healthy environments
  • How to get started on “self love” immediately
Jul 06, 2016
The One Thing I Use to Get Back on Track to Achieving My Goals
20:23

This episode was inspired by an article titled “The one sentence that finally inspired me to lose 70 pounds”.

I read that and thought to myself, “I want to know that one thing!!!”

Not because I feel I need to lose 70 pounds, but because anytime someone claims to know the one thing/secret/habit I really want to hear it.

So I checked it out….and liked what I read!

But the point of the article made me think about my one thing and about a topic that I address regularly on this show --- personal mission statements.

What you’ll learn in this episode:

  • Why you might have a hard time getting back on track when you fall off
  • How to keep momentum on your goals in life
  • How the “one thing” from the MBG article ties into your personal mission statement
Jul 02, 2016
Dingle: Being Original and Chucking the Status Quo - Matt Giovanisci
01:00:28

I’ve met some very cool people through this podcast. Typically, I’m inspired to have them on the show because of their work or the message they are pushing out to the world.

I’ll see their TED talk, or read one of their powerful blog posts, or hear them in an inspiring interview. Something like that.

My guest today impressed me for a totally different reason.

I met Matt Giovanisci through Facebook.

He posted a link to a webpage he created with the sole purpose of getting himself booked on podcasts.

I thought it was incredibly creative. Check it out here: http://www.moneylab.co/guest/

He made this web page, loaded it with tons of unique and funny information about why he'd make a great podcast guest, and put his contact info

I loved his approach and humor, and thought "What the heck? I have him on the show". And that's what happened!

Matt makes a living by being creative online. He's hosted a few podcasts, created some profitable online brands, produced some hilarious rap videos, and overall has been able to turn his passions into revenue streams that allow him to LIVE THE DREAM.

Matt and I talk about creativity, being original, and going against the herd.  

What you’ll learn in this episode:

  • Why best practices are not meant to be followed
  • A simple formula for getting started with your own creative endeavor
  • Matt’s take on “having it all”
Jun 28, 2016
What is Your Love Conversation? - HIA Framework Part 2
35:37

Continuing our series on the Having It A.L.L. framework, today's episode is all about LOVE. 

I have a special guest on this episode with me today, one perfectly suited to chat with me about love.

In this conversation you'll learn:

  • The difference between conditional and unconditional love
  • Where love falls in David R. Hawkin's "Scale Of Consciousness"
  • The distinction between attachment and connection when it comes to love
Jun 26, 2016
Man With A Mission: How This Husband-Father-Entrepreneur Has It All While Remaining Grounded
39:05

Yeah, this episode has a pretty bold title. But bold men are deserving of bold titles.

I’ve been inspired by Bill Jamison since meeting him over 3 years ago. Today I consider him a friend and trusted part of my inner circle.

Bill is a husband, father, friend, leader, athlete, entrepreneur, lover, and all around badass guy.

He’s not a famous author, doesn’t have an award winning podcast, hasn’t been on the TED stage. Typically these are the types of folks who I invite on the show. But what Bill has that made me want to record a conversation with him, is this amazing ability to surrender to what he does not know, trust in himself and the process, lead his life with purpose and conviction, love and give with all of his heart, and be an example of what a powerful 21st century man is all about.

That’s someone who I want to talk to!

In my conversation with Bill, we talk about what it looks like to move through uncomfortable situations, the opportunities that reside in fear, tools to keep a relationship sizzling, and the power of setting a vision of yourself to grow into.

What you’ll learn from this episode:

  • How to approach uncomfortable situations
  • What “relationship standards” are and how they create long, healthy bonds
  • 3 different types of mission statements to guide your life
Jun 22, 2016
HIA Framework Part 1 - What is Abundance and How Do I Invite More Into My Life?
25:51

I’ve always been inspired by the genius men and women who were able to take a concept such as love, or effectiveness or even personal finance, and find the patterns within them that can allow ordinary mortals like you and I to tap into and experience these things fully.

Well before I had a podcast called Having It A.L.L., I had an idea about what “having it all” meant to me, and I witnessed much passion, anger, conviction, judgement, confusion and frustration around the topic.

I knew there was something there worth exploring, and I had the time and curiosity to do it.

I set out to create a framework for what having it all meant to me, so that I would be able to (from the most objective place possible), declare whether or not I felt that I had it all in life at that particular moment.

In this episode, and for the next several weeks, I’m exploring the framework that I developed thanks to my curiosity, experimentation, mentoring, researching and reflection.

Today’s episode is about ABUNDANCE and what that word truly means.
What you’ll learn in this episode:

  • A simple way to look at abundance
  • The key factor that you must have in order to experience abundance
  • 1 simple tip to experience more abundance in your life
Jun 18, 2016
If Your Passions and Dreams Were the Very Reason of Your Existence, What Would You Do? - Kemi Bennings
32:01

I have the pleasure of knowing some pretty amazing people where I live in Atlanta, and my guest today is one of them.

Her name is Kemi Bennings, and the best way to describe her is as a creative, loving, spiritual being who is always learning and always growing.

Kemi is a woman of many gifts and has worn many hats over the years: writer, poet, producer, lifecoach, nurse, entrepreneur, promoter, curator …. Kemi truly is an artist and is involved in any and all things artistic.

But at her core, Kemi is a vessel testing the bounds of what it looks like to be a spiritual being having a human experience.

In this episode we talk about gifts, fear, and what it means to fully tap into the creator in each of us.

What you'll learn in this episode:

  • The question that continues to ignite Kemi's fire 
  • The meaning of "follow the arrows"
  • Some amazing original poetry written and performed by Kemi

 

 

Jun 14, 2016
A Simple Framework for "Having It All" in Your Life
42:17

What does having it all mean to you?

It’s a question that I ask all of the guests I have on the show, and it’s a question to which I’ve never heard the exact same answer twice.

I started this podcast partly because of the polarizing nature of that question.

On one side you have people who believe that you can have it all, and who are quick to give their version of what it looks like. On the other side you have people who vehemently argue that having it all is not possible and that saying you can have it all is irresponsible.

Just do a quick google search of the phrase and you’ll see all sorts of results that paint the question in a light or dark tone.

I’ve thought about that question for a number of years, and as I put together the bones of this show I decided that I wanted to create a framework around my belief about having it all.

Pulling from personal resources for effectiveness, love and peace, as well as consulting with a number of trusted advisors and mentors, I developed a framework for having it all that allows me to, as objectively as possible, determine whether I truly have it all in my life.

In this episode I dive into that framework, breaking down the meaning behind A.L.L. - Abundant Loving Life. I open up my toolbox for having it all and introduce concepts that I will dig into deeper in future episodes.

What you’ll learn in this episode:

  • The meaning behind Abundant Loving Life
  • The 6 F’s along with a powerful way to view and relate to each
  • 6 powerful tools for creating an abundant loving life
Jun 10, 2016
Loving Your Otherness and The Myth Of Tomorrow
49:11

What the heck is “otherness”?

I know I had that question swirling in my mind when I was doing my research on my next guest.

This concept of “otherness”, described in the way that my guest described it, was not framed in a way I was accustomed.

But what I learned in my conversation with Dale Thomas Vaughn was that otherness is rooted in fear, and fear is not the path to greatness.

I’m sounding like Yoda now, but I firmly believe that!

Dale Thomas Vaughn is a Renaissance Man, in the most pure sense of the word. He is a man of balance, purpose and sophistication, all of which we get into in our conversation.

Dale helps men rescript their beliefs of what it means to be masculine. Through his books, lectures, workshops and organizations, he is helping men discover their purpose so they can live more joyful and fulfilled lives.

Not a small undertaking.

Dale’s personal relationship to love and loving himself has been a journey that has literally taken him around the world. Love fuels his big WHY, and it’s at the core of who Dale is as a man.

This conversation was particularly powerful for me because I had an opportunity to examine beliefs I had around balance (a topic that comes up in the episode), as well as an opportunity to practice humility. I talked about that in last week’s episode.

Dale is extremely intelligent and has clearly put in the reps to become an expert on the subject matter he tackles.

Have some note taking material on hand because you’ll want to jot a few things down in this one.

Oh, and “The Myth Of Tomorrow” stuff...well you’ll just have to listen to find out : )

What you’ll learn in this episode:

  • What to do in the face of doubt and fear
  • How to uncover your big WHY in life
  • The 4 elements to being on path in your life
  • A science-based exercise to experience more of what you want in life

 

Jun 07, 2016
What To Do When Someone Challenges Your Beliefs
19:17

We have all been in a situation where another person has challenged a belief that we held. 

Big or small, we know what it feels like to be questioned and to then feel like we need to defend our beliefs. 

Well, I'm no stranger to this either, and I had an excellent opportunity to experience this very thing during a recent podcast interview!

The episode that you're about to listen to was recorded just minutes after I had my belief challenged on air. I decided that I wanted to capture the moment as it was happening, and share my experience with you. 

The original episode where my previously held belief was challenged will be publishing soon (most likely directly after this one), but this episode is about what happened and how I responded. 

What you'll hear in this episode:

  • The experience that inspired me to record this episode
  • What I consider to be one of the purest pathways to growth
  • A personal challenge for you to experience growth
Jun 03, 2016
How to Become the Richest Person On The Planet
01:00:44

How do you define “rich”?

If you’re like me and most Americans, the first words that come to mind when you hear “rich” are probably about money or something financially related.

Makes sense. That’s the context we’re most used to hearing.

And I’m sure my guest thought that way as well for a period of time.

But somewhere during her journey her definition of “rich” shifted.

Maybe it was after hearing Nick Vujicic’s story (see the show notes).

Today Dee Reilly defines richness in terms of happiness and satisfaction, and has devoted her career to helping people live deeply fulfilling lives.

Dee’s personal story has its fair share of ups and downs, and that’s what lends her work more power. She’s been there. She’s experienced it. She knows what growing up without means feels like. She knows what losing her sense of security as an adult feels like. And she also knows what it’s like to dust herself off, continuing to believe in her ability to persevere.

These experiences, combined with her fascination with the scientific, measurable means to happiness, have put Dee head and shoulders ahead of others in her field when it comes to outlining how to feel happy, satisfied, and connected.

Dee is inspired to not only uncover ways the people can improve their lives, but find research backing her recommendations. She digs into the science behind everything that she teaches, so that she and her clients can sink their teeth into the information to create the most significant and lasting change in their lives.

She takes new age chanting and positive thinking, and uncovers why these things may and may not be effective, and get into the meat of what really works.

In our conversation we talk about beliefs and how they shape our reality, we talk about how to become an observer of yourself, and the power of coaching and mentorship.

What you’ll learn in this episode:

  • How to move forward even when you’re feeling “bad” about a situation
  • How to separate a person from their behavior so that you can accept and not judge
  • Why gratitude is the path to having it all
Jun 01, 2016
Why You're Failing to Tap Into Your Full Creative Potential and How to Actually Do Something About It!
40:35

“We are all creators. Whether or not we create is not up to us. We are human, and creating is what we do.” - Michael Gungor

You are a creator! Yes, you. Whether you not you believe it is irrelevant, because like Michael Gungor said, “We are human and creating is what we do.”

In every role we play in life -- parent, spouse, friend, lover, community member, coach -- we create experiences and meaning.

Today’s episode is an exercise in creation. I followed the advice of a friend and fellow podcaster, and recorded this episode with no notes and no script. Every part of this episode was created organically, on the spot.

I did that because i wanted to exercise my muscles of creation, and what resulted was a powerful reflection on creative, the creative process, and tapping into our creative potential.

What you’ll learn in this episode:

  • What happens when we fail to acknowledge our creativity (especially when we praise it in others)
  • How creativity ties into our gifts, talents and passions, and the difference of each of those
  • How to tap into your full creative potential
May 27, 2016
A Story of Healing: Using Curiosity and Courage to Find Yourself with Monique Ruffin
47:34

Monique Ruffin is a celebration of living. She is one of those people that folks say has “A beautiful soul”.

And I completely understand why.

Monique grew up in the neighborhood of Watts in Los Angeles. Yes, that Watts. It's where Sanford And Sons was set, and was where Denzel Washington and Ethan Hawke duke it out in Training Day.

That neighborhood is not known for many empowering things, but it’s where Monique called home.

Growing up in an area impacted by crack, with parents in and out of jail, many wouldn’t have been surprised if Monique failed to transcend her environment. But she did, and in a big way.

Monique is a mother, writer, creator, coach, radio host and group facilitator. But most of all she’s an example of what it looks like to live with heart, authenticity, courage, vulnerability and realness.

In our conversation, Monique and I talk about her childhood, the lessons she’s learned as a mother, and how we can all grow beyond our circumstances.


What you’ll learn in this episode:

  • How to understand yourself so you can navigate life’s challenging circumstances
  • The power of being curious
  • 2 profound takeaways from motherhood

 

May 24, 2016
Why Personal Mission Statements Are the Most Powerful Way to Uncover Your Direction and Path
55:35

At the end of last week's episode I left you with a cliffhanger.

Last week I was talking about FEEDBACK and the power of feedback to ensure you stay on path in life. I introduced the question, "What's the point of being on path if you don't know where the path is leading you to?"

I left you with the promise that the next episode would be about Mission Statements and would feature a special guest. 

Well...here we are!

This week I have an incredibly awesome guest with me, live in the studio (first episode with a guest in the flesh with me), and we get down and dirty on everything about Personal Mission Statements. 

Most people have heard of Mission Statements within businesses or organizations. But have you ever thought about how a Personal Mission Statement might impact your life?

The difference between a life that's fueled by a clear, intentional mission, and one that is not, can be staggering. 

What you'll learn in this episode:

  • Exactly what a Personal Mission Statement is, how they are used, and why they're important
  • A process for developing your own Personal Mission Statement
  • Stories and testimonies of people's experience of life before and after creating a Personal Mission Statement
  • A taste of a very unique way to create a more badass life
May 20, 2016
BONUS - John Lee Dumas on How to Create the Life You Truly Want to Live
30:22

 

If a Hall of Fame existed for podcasting, John Lee Dumas would be voted in on the first round. As the creator of the insanely popular business podcast, Entrepreneur On Fire, John has interviewed the most successful entrepreneurs of today. People like Pat Flynn, Seth Godin, Tim Ferriss, Tony Robbins and Gary Vaynerchuk. 

I had the chance to sit down with John on my previous show, The Digital Marketing Guy Podcast, and although it was a marketing show, JLD and I spent little to no time talking marketing. Instead we dove into what it takes to create the life you truly want to live. 

John shares insights from talking to today's brightest entrepreneurs, and wisdom from his personal experience of growing a seven figure business based around podcasting! 

In this episode you'll learn:

  • The truth of the Work-Life Balance
  • Facing your fears and 2 powerful tools anyone can use to tackle even the biggest fears
  • The secret to GOAL SETTING that ends in you actually hitting your goals!
May 19, 2016
Learning How to Be Awesome When Life Hits You With Circumstances - Faydra Koenig
50:08

I’m a firm believer that life is always going to throw circumstances your way, especially when you say (or think) you’re ready to handle them.

Circumstances can look like a fender bender, a letter from the IRS, a pet needing to go to the vet, and pretty much whatever other not-sought-after experience that you can think of.

Enter Faydra Koenig, a woman who has been through her fair share of circumstances!

I was inspired to connect with Faydra after watching a personal and candid video on the circumstances that she has experienced in her life. 

When we sat down, Faydra was an open book. And having listened to her podcast and spent time on her website, I didn’t expect anything less.

In our conversation Faydra and I talk about circumstances and how to not only survive them, but thrive!

What you’ll learn in this episode:

  • The Law Of Gestation
  • 2 types of accountability groups (and which ignites powerful results)
  • How to thrive when life throw’s you circumstances
May 17, 2016
How Do I Make Sure I’m “On Path” To My Greatest Self?
27:06

What is simultaneously the most significant factor and biggest barrier to becoming your greatest self?

Without this thing, airplanes would not make it to their final destination, corporate managers would have less work to do, and you would reach a ceiling with your potential.

It's something that confronts the ego so directly that many people shy away from it at any cost. Yet, it is a powerful tool for self realization, growth and transformation.

Any ideas yet?!?

What you’ll learn in this episode:

  • The one thing that can accelerate you on your path to greatness (or stop you in your tracks)
  • How to ensure you’re growing and moving in the most powerful direction for YOU in life
  • My personal mission statement for my life right now
May 13, 2016
A Story of Dreams, Perseverance, and Taking the Road Less Traveled - Mike Mills
52:11

This powerful conversation stemmed from a tip a friend gave me, “Matthew, you have got to interview this guy!”

The guy I was being encouraged to speak with was Mike Mills.

Mike is an exceptionally unique guy. He has what I call the Small “s” success and Big “S” Success. Mike is the owner and operator of the Buffalo Outdoor Center, a lodging and outfitting resort sitting on the historic Buffalo River in Ponca, Arkansas.

The Small “s” success is the thriving business that Mike has built over the past 40 years.

The Big “S” Success is the way that Mike describes his experience of life: Heaven.

In this conversation, Mike shares his story of growing up paddling the Buffalo River, learning discipline from his father and the Marines, jumping into entrepreneurship with little money and even less business experience, and growing a world renowned outfitting resort that attracts heads of state, National Geographic photographers, and thousands of nature seekers each year.

What you’ll hear in this episode:

  • How a letter from his father became the biggest challenge in Mike’s life
  • Why society doesn’t encourage the pursuit of dreams
  • A common trait all world-changing entrepreneurs possess
May 09, 2016
How Aware Are You of Your Influence on Others?
16:19

We are all influencers.

Everyday we influence, without fail, we influence three groups: our Selves, Others and Life.

However, many of us go through life unaware of just how much we influence these groups, and unconscious of the power of influence we really have.

Yet, despite this lack of awareness and intention, we are still wielding this power of influence in many ways, some more responsibly than others.

In today’s episode I share a powerful story of influence and ask you to ponder a question that will change how you look at your ability to influence your Self, Others and Life.

May 05, 2016
Moving Through Hell and Rising Above Circumstances - Colleen Crain
50:28

We’ve all been throughsituations that, at the time, felt never ending.

Time crawls by. Our bodiesrespond to the tension. Our minds race from present to future topast.

Going through hell feels likegoing through hell.

But if you’re reading this, ifyou’re here right now, then that means you made it through hell.You survived THRIVED!

Because when you walk throughhot coals, your feet get tougher and more resilient.

Colleen Crain knows that islike. A traumatic event as a child left her physically impaired fora time, and emotionally shaken.

But she also know, first hand,that rising above circumstances is what we are designed todo.

What you’ll learn in this episode:

  • Howto relate powerfully to circumstances
  • Howto thank fear for showing up
  • Colleen’s personal story of dealing withcircumstances
May 03, 2016
How to JUMP Into the Life You Truly Want to Live
37:02

Love and Fear.

It's what all decisions in our lives can be boiled down to.

Love vs. Fear.

Fear can be one heck of a beast!

We all know because we all can recall times when we let fear overpower our ability to make clear decisions.

I lived much of my life in fear and can vividly remember making choices from a place a fear since early on.

And I also remember the feeling after those choices. The feeling of having to sit with myself knowing that I choose a lesser path.

This past weekend I faced a different kind of fear: the fear of physical death.

I JUMPED out of a plane, and in that choice I connected with so many other choices I had made throughout my life that illuminated the fact that when it boils down to the essence we always have a choice between FEAR and LOVE.

What you'll learn in this episode:

  • Why jumping is always the precursor to living
  • Why you will probably choose fear again and again
  • How to break the fear cycle
Apr 29, 2016
How to Create the Biggest Shifts in Your Wellbeing - Dr. Michelle Robin
37:02

How do you define "wellbeing"?

How about breaking down the word into it's two parts -- WELL and BEING -- what do those words mean to you?

My guest in today's conversation is clear on what those words mean to her, and is on a mission to spread her message of whole wellbeing. 

Dr. Michelle Robin is a chiropractor by trade, but has expanded herself into an author, speaker, and podcaster.

Apr 26, 2016
The Massive Difference Between Big "S" Success and Small "s" Success
17:39

You have been lied to about success!

Like most of us, we've been told that success is determined by factors "out there". Achievements, accolades, possessions, titles, certifications, promotions - you know the deal.

But you've also been told that success is simply a mindset. You are successful if you feel successful. If you're "happy".

But I'm introducing a new concept to the mix. The concept of little "s" success and big "S" Success.

We may all define success in our own unique ways. But the big "S" and little "s" concepts are universal.

Apr 22, 2016
Becoming the Most Powerful Influence in Your Life - Tripp Lanier
43:26

It's probably of no surprise that I love listening to podcasts!

I was browsing through new and popular shows a few weeks back, and stumbled across "The New Man" from Tripp Lanier. The title intrigued me, and I jumped into a random episode to see what it was all about.

That episode was "Mission and Purpose - What's the Difference and Why Does it Matter?"

I listened to it three times.

Yup.

Played it...restarted....played it again....restarted....played it one last time.

Then I told my wife about the episode and shared a quote on my Facebook.

Tripp nailed the difference between Mission and Purpose, and at that point I knew I wanted to have a conversation with him myself to see what other powerful insights he had.

And boy did he have them!

My conversation with Tripp spans a number of topics, and he shares with me his personal story of healing, self discovery, and just being powerful!

What you'll learn in this episode:

  • How to serve your higher purpose
  • Avoiding "the trap"
  • How to bring heart into your life
Apr 19, 2016
Sandy Chambers - Igniting Your “Guttural Brushfire”: The Impact of Mission Statements, Powerful Words, and Unconditional Love
59:37

What would your life look like if you were fully engaged? If you were living your life to the max? If you were experiencing a "guttural brushfire"?

That’s the question that my guest today has been meditating on.

Sandy Chambers is very close persona friend of mine and one of the most consciously mature people I know. She devours books, videos, podcasts -- anything that she can get her hands on that will elevate her consciousness. She has read and re-read the works of authors like David R Hawkins, Eckhart Tolle, and Marianne Williamson. She has studied and applied and surrendered to the processes that the sages and gurus have given us to follow. And every single time I have the chance to go in with Sandy on a conversation, I walk away feeling like I need to download all of the information I’ve just taken in, or else my brain might overload.

Now, Sandy wanted my help in crystallizing her passion -- she has been doing some deep and critical thinking on what her true passion is -- which is why we scheduled this call. But as you’ll hear, we end up going in on so many other crucial topics, like personal mission statements, the power of words, subconscious scripting, and much more.

Sit back and prepare yourself because this conversation is a powerful one.

Apr 15, 2016
Kimberly Rich - How to Create a Life Worth Living
51:53

Living a BOLD life is what Kimberly Rich is known for today. But her life wasn’t always described as bold.

For years she did what she was supposed to: got the degree, landed the job, worked the hours, joined the rat race.

However, a BOLD decision in 2013 sent her life on a path she never expected.

Kimberley is the creator of The Bold Life Movement, where she coaches aspiring entrepreneurs on how to live life boldly and on their own terms. In our conversation, we talk about the courage necessary to go against the grain and follow your passions, plus we discuss the realities of choosing the path of self growth and healing.

What you'll learn in this episode:

  • Kimberly’s recommended habits on manifestation
  • Kimberly’s #1 habit of health and wellness
  • How to learn when to say “Yes” and when not to
Apr 12, 2016
Dianne Crampton - How to Use Discontent to Create Your Finest Moments
51:50

Have you experienced true discontent in your life?

That’s totally a rhetorical question because if you’re alive then that means you’ve been in situations that you haven’t liked. The real question is, how did you handle those situations?

My guest in today’s conversation is Dianne Crampton, and she would guess that you did one of three things: blamed someone else, ignored it all together, or asked yourself “What is this here to teach me?”

Dianne has spent most of her life asking herself “What is this here to teach me?”, and that has led her to many amazing realizations and experiences.

Apr 08, 2016
Gregg Clunis - Embracing the Tiny Leaps That Lead to the Big Changes in Our Lives
56:36

Gregg Cluins is like a sponge that’s squeezed over a funnel.

[Great visual, huh?!]

Gregg is the type of guy who dives in head first and deep into the things he’s passion about, soaks up everything he can, and then shares it in a way where you get only the best stuff that you can take action on.

In his case, Gregg is passionate about Personal Development and improving his experience of life. Since his brother first handed him a copy of TITLE by Tony Robbins, Gregg was hooked on the idea that the could create the life that he wanted.

This led to years of studying, learning, applying, failing, evolving, and repeating.

Now, Gregg is at a place where he helps others improve their lives through and get themselves to where they want to be.

In this episode you will learn:

  • The hidden costs of working on yourself
  • How to move through your most debilitating doubt and fear
  • Why the concept of “balance” is not possible (and what is)
Apr 06, 2016
Amy Balog - How to “Lead From Center” and Create More Powerful Results in Your Life
49:54

Amy Balog is asking us all to “lead from center”.

But what does that even mean?

Well, to Amy, leading from center means being so in-tune with yourself -- knowing who you are, and what makes you tick -- that you're able to create amazing results in your life and the life of others. It's about gaining clarity, calmness and conviction, and being acutely aware of the environment inside of yourself so that you may more powerfully impact the environments around you. 

Amy’s passion is helping leaders tap into their center to create massive results within their organizations, and within themselves.

In this conversation Amy and I dive into what leading from center truly means and looks like, and we examine the impact that understanding your bigger WHY has on your life and the lives of those around you. Amy shares her journey of stepping into this work and the watershed moment that changed her career trajectory forever.

In this episode you will learn:

  • The formula for Leading From Center
  • The non-tangible elements for success many leaders are overlooking
  • How to shift your frame of mind from “performing” to “serving”
Apr 01, 2016
Shawn Manaher - Having the Courage to Pursue Your Freedom
34:33

“I wouldn’t be here today, talking to you Matthew, if I didn’t make the decision 3 years ago to get healthy”

Shawn Manaher knows what it’s like for his body to fail him. A few years ago he woke up feeling numbness in parts of his body that he couldn’t explain.

And neither could his doctors.

But one thing Shawn knew was that things had to change, or he wasn’t going to be around much longer.

And what was he sacrificing his body for? What was that important that he was willing to put his health on the back burner to the point his loved ones felt it necessary to intervene?

….working 2 full-time jobs, that’s what.

A few lifestyle shifts and 60lbs later, Shawn is an example of what it looks like to take a hard look in the mirror, muster up some courage, and make some serious changes to your life.

Mar 25, 2016
Paul Colaianni - The Secret Consequences of Being Authentic and Transparent
01:08:49

Paul Colaianni has not always led an authentic life. Experiences as a child taught him that authenticity and self expression were detrimental to his health and the health of those around him, so he bottled them up. The result was a life ripe with unsteady relationships, frustration, and disillusionment. It wasn’t until facing the end of another relationship, that Paul reached an emotional, mental and spiritual breaking point, which sent him on a 10 year journey to study and self examine. Today, Paul is a self empowerment coach who uses his life experiences and the insights he’s picked up along the way, to coach others through their challenges and help them reach their personal goals.

In this episode, Paul shares what he’s learned through a life of exploring what living
authentically means to him, and he gets personal with me and he talks about his experience of growing up in an alcoholic home, destroying relationships with judgement and fear, and going through life not being his true authentic self.

Mar 14, 2016
Omar Zenhom - The Path to Happiness and Success: Why Pursuing Passion Is Not the Answer
45:08

Omar Zenhom is passionate about helping people take the JUMP into pursuing their
entrepreneurship dreams. Omar is an entrepreneur in every sense of the word. He was an educator and university manager for 13 years, where he got an inside look at how the higher education system works (or doesn’t work). He spent 1 semester pursuing his MBA before dropping out to put those resources and time into build his own business. Today Omar is the co-founder of The $100 MBA where he’s on a mission to revolutionize business education.

In this episode, Omar and I talk about entrepreneurship, the path to happiness and success, and why pursuing your passion is not the way to be happy in life.

Mar 14, 2016
Matthew Bivens - Can We Really “Have It All” in Life?
15:01

Welcome to “Having It A.L.L.”! This podcast is about exploring the question “Can we really ‘have it all’ in life?”

My name is Matthew Bivens, and I believe that having it all means viewing life through a lens of abundance and love. It’s not about “having” anything, but instead about how we experience ourselves, other people, and life itself.

In this podcast, my guests and I explore what “having it all” and creating your ideal life, actually look like. We talk about the joy and contentment when you feel like you have it all (however you define it), and we also talk about the profound and uncomfortable situations that you frequently must go through to create that ideal life.

Mar 14, 2016
Kelsey Humphreys - How to Release Attachments, Take Inventory, and Figure Out What You’re Really Meant to Do.
43:16

Kelsey Humphreys is a media entrepreneur and "motivational journalist" on a mission to inspire and equip you for success. She is the creator of the Pursuit Planner and author of the Amazon bestseller Go Solo. Catch her in-person video interviews with today's leaders like Gary Vaynerchuk, Seth Godin, the Property Brothers, Chalene Johnson and more on her show The Pursuit, at thepursuit.tv, or learn more about Kelsey at kelseyhumphreys.com.

In our conversation we talk about Kelsey’s personal journey of releasing a debilitating
attachment, the collected wisdom she’s gathered from interviews with the top influencers of today, and a simple yet effective method she’s used to uncover her calling in life.

Mar 14, 2016
Colleen Patrick Goudreau - The Practice of Manifestation, Self Compassion, and Making a Difference
40:48

Colleen Patrick Goudreau lives a life of compassion. She has compassion for animals, which influenced her to choose a vegan lifestyle (on which she is a leading authority). She has compassion for other people, which influenced the message she spreads to the world. And she has compassion for herself, which, through intentional practice, has allowed her to experience herself fully and manifest her deepest values.

In this episode, Colleen and I have a powerful conversation on the practice of manifestation, self compassion and the truth behind how we make a difference in this world (spoiler: you are ALWAYS making a difference, the question is whether you’re providing value or taking it away).

Mar 14, 2016