Therapist Uncensored Podcast

By Ann Kelley PhD & Sue Marriott LCSW, CGP

Listen to a podcast, please open Podcast Republic app. Available on Google Play Store.


Category: Social Sciences

Open in iTunes


Open RSS feed


Open Website


Rate for this podcast

Subscribers: 410
Reviews: 2

alex herrera
 Sep 17, 2019
Not all info is accurate. She tells a friend "...you didn't REPLACE him...", after hearing how she had deliberately gone* out and bought another dog the SAME day her dog died, even AFTER the mournful lady told her about her pre-purchase thinking, "I'm going out and purchasing OXYTOCIN!". "Replacing" her dead is EXACTLY what the lady did! Honest woman there, but, dishonest, unreliable & therefore untrustworthy info. I'll listen more and maybe change my opinion. * dog-gone!

A Podcast Republic user
 Aug 18, 2018

Description

For any life-long learners, curious skeptics, and therapy-junkies who want a little science with their fluff. Psychotherapists from Austin Texas speaking freely on life, love, sex, and the things that matter. Candid unscripted conversations rooted in attachment and relational science will unpack how to improve your relationships with others and more deeply understand what makes you and those you love emotionally tick. So whether you just want to peek behind the therapist notepad, deepen your EQ, or just have fun, dive in with co-hosts Dr. Ann Kelley and Sue Marriott and their guest experts. Find us at http://www.www.therapistuncensored.com

Episode Date
TU122: Loving & Living with Adult Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD) with Ari Tuckman
57:21
When we think of ADHD, we often imagine a restless & figity child who loses focus rather than the grown up parent or partner these kids eventually become. It is a legit neurological condition - yet adults with ADHD or ADD often believe that they are forgetful, lazy, selfish & disorganized. Unfortunately sometimes so do their partners. This episode will help you apprecitate your unique gifts or value your distractable partner.  In this episode, Dr. Tuckman sheds light on how ADHD can impact our relationships, from conflict to sex, and outlines ways to improve both. "ADHD doesn’t create new problems, it just exacerbates the universal ones.”In this episode, co-host Ann Kelley speaks with Ari Tuckman, psychologist, certified sex therapist who specializing in ADHD within relationships. In relationships, couples often fall into imbalance, over-functioning and under-functioning. You recognize it - the one who manages order and responsibilities (aka "control freak") and the other looking for spontaneity and fun (aka "irresponsible one"). Who is Ari Tuckman?Ari Tuckman, PsyD, CST is a psychologist and certified sex therapist in private practice specializing in diagnosing and treating children, teens, and adults with ADHD, as well as couples and sex therapy. He has appeared on CNN, National Public Radio, and XM Radio and been quoted in The New York Times, USA Today, The Washington Post, The Boston Globe, USnews.com, The Daily Mail (UK), and many other media outlets. See his full bio below. Understanding Adult ADHD – today’s episodeAri advocates for ADHD awareness so adults and therapists can actively recognize it in others because it does not just affect children. These children grow up and continue to have ADHD. The general population of people with ADHD is around 4%, 1 in 25. But for the people that go to therapy, it’s more than 4% of patients. Effects of non-diagnosed ADHD can be painful: more anxious, depression, bipolar, marital discord, and substance abuse issues. If you don’t look for symptoms of ADHD, you can’t find it, which is to the detriment of the client and the therapist. What can we see in our office, partners, and ourselves to know if we have ADHD?Not everyone with ADHD has the classic symptoms of being hyperactive. If you were hyperactive as a kid, you are probably not going to see that in adults. ADHD shows up in adults as inattentive symptoms like time management, disorganization, forgetfulness, procrastination, and misplacing things. When you have ADHD in your immediate family there’s a 25% chance that you might have it too. People who have ADHD will see the symptoms show up in many stages of their life - childhood, college, as a young adult. The symptoms can show up in their job, or at home. ADHD affects school performance, career attainment, lifelong learnings, car accidents, relationship satisfaction - it’s always there and impacts your life interactions. When it goes undiagnosed it can drastically influence your self-esteem - but when diagnosed you can have a better understanding of your behavior. Medication can work very well, risk/side effects are very low, not addictive if used appropriately, and can reduce substance abuse problems when addressed first. Why give a stimulate to someone that would seemingly be “hyperactive?”The medications act as “brake fluid” so those affected are able to “hit the brakes” more easily before acting. When adults take ADHD medication, it gives them the ability to limit or be aware of thoughts that deter them from the task at hand. Without the medication, the thought of the task at hand can develop into many thoughts leading to being distracted, possibly forgetting, and then punishing themselves for forgetting. And ultimately leading to negative thoughts, anxiety, or the non-ADHD partner believing the task is being neglected. The non-ADHD partner can become... Support this podcast
May 19, 2020
TU121: The Purpose of Relationships (Redefined During Quarantine) with Stan Tatkin
52:33
With the tsunami of unclear and contradictory yet potentially life-threatening information coming at us right now - it's no wonder there is so much conflict within groups that are/were quarantining together. Reasonable people can interpret the suggestions very differently, in this episode we go into how to navigate how to manage right now. Why Stan Tatkin?Stan Tatkin was one of as the first guests on the Therapist Uncensored Podcast and is so awesome, we are bringing him back for a second interview. ( Listen to the first episode here (https://www.therapistuncensored.com/episodes/episode-12-relationship-expert-stan-tatkin-interview/) .)He is one of the best translators of the science to application in the real world, so we really want to connect our audience with him. He's has a wealth of resources for ya! See full bio below. Bringing security to your partnerships during COVID-19 – today’s episodeDuring this Coronavirus pandemic, the existential threat is more apparent and strain within a couple starts to become more apparent. Partners are faced with understanding the goals of their relationship and whether or not they are moving in the right direction. Reasons to be together beyond loving each other and having children together. Many have been faced with breakups, running away, move in, or getting married during this existential time. Having an understanding that there is always an existential threat every day but we are being faced with it more closely during this time. Before and during the pandemic our partnered relationships have been on auto-pilot where "you know your partner," react out of memory/trauma, or take your relationship for granted. Homosapiens by nature are aggressive, war-like, comparing, and opportunistic and are being flighty because of the pandemic. How do pair-bound all of the time and not when things are going wrong/when we need more safety? By nature, we are pack animals and are built to be interdependent and have a shared purpose with a partner. (Ex: survive and thrive) With your partner, create an agreement, a culture, and a shared vision and purpose for being together. Love is not enough/emotions can fluctuate. A state of purpose and a goal is what can remain consistent in a partnership. Insecure model - "It’s my way or the highway," where the individual is "pro-self" not "pro-relationship." With attachment, we take the injustices and take them to our future relationships. Every couple has a duty to design their own ethos and culture, to layout ground rules of "what we do and don't do." Examples: "We protect each other. Our relationship always comes first. We support each other to perform well but not at the cost of the relationship. We are always working towards bringing peace and harmony to the relationship." Partners who do not agree on core values and will continue to disassociate. Mature long-running relationships that will last a lifetime where partners vow to operate from principles of fairness, justice, sensitivity, cooperation, creating win-win outcomes where they move together towards the same goal. Be collaborative about an issue or creating a new goal together to be on the same page on thoughts and feelings. Sue and Stan provide conversation examples of how that can be accomplished. Committing to making the partnership as successful as possible. People who are threatened will create threats. Single security about understanding what each individual feels, self-correct and approach from a friendly way to resolve the conflict. Only one needs to remember to self-correct to move towards resolution and the other will follow. Co-regulation - having each partner be active towards regulating each other to shift towards taking care of each other. Pay to play - in adulthood, there is conditional love, which makes us more accountable for each other. The couple and the principles are... Support this podcast
May 08, 2020
TU120: Finding Security During Coronavirus Isolation with Dr. David Elliott
47:27
Is this pandemic making your nervous system crunchy?  Find out how to use one of the Elliot and Brown's 3 pillars of healing attachment to cope during this society-wide emotional hotbox. Using the first pillar of the three pillars of healing attachment, using the imaginings of your mind to leverage security, David explains how this practice can be beneficial during a time where we're looking for connection to regulate and heal. Why Dr. David ElliottWe are pleased to bring Dr. Elliott back for a second interview. We were so enamored with his co-authored book Healing Attachment Disruptions in Adults - Comprehensive Treatment and Repair, that we stayed connected and are now working together on an exciting new project to bring this empirically-validated work with trauma to more of you. His full bio is below. Using imagery to help find security during COVID 19 – today’s episodeOur attachment system is designed to seek proximity especially during threat, danger, and distress. So in this time of needed distance from one another our nervous system is being especially challenged. For some of us, sheltering in place with others allows us to turn to one another for emotional and physical comfort. However there are millions of people across the globe who are sheltering in isolation or in unsafe or unsupportive environments. They are missing another persons comforting support and touch. David speaks personally from this experience because he is currently sheltering in place alone - that is, away from his family - so his advice is coming from a place of knowing. David and his colleagues have developed a model for the treatment of early attachment and healing called the 3 pillars model discussed in detail in episode 34. In today's episode we discuss the tenants of the first pillar - the power of the mind to imagine - the essential elements of connection and security needed for coping during this COVID quarantine crisis. Ann and David discuss the empirically studied outcome of the power of imagination to generate learning and neurological growth. They provide examples of ways athletes and musicians use imagery to improve their performance. David then leads us through a mindful exercise based on the tenets of the first pillar. Through a guided exercise, David helps us create and be with an imagined "safe other" which provides our minds with the sense of social and emotional connection. Our bodies often can not distinguish between the real and imagined and our social-engagement system can respond with the soothing and healing connections that our bodies need during stress. Everyone is being affected by this isolation differently, but all of us are experiencing situations that will have our nervous system react. Mindfulness and connection, whether real or imagined, can help us get through this experience together. Use this practice to provide a sense of security and connectedness that will help us weather this pandemic and other times of isolation. David explains the first pillar in his Three Pillars Model which is using the imagination of positive beneficial attachment figures as a way to help heal attachment and security during adulthood. He explains how this tool can be used during this time of isolation. Everyone is being affected by this isolation differently, but all of us are experiencing situations that will have our nervous system react. David and Ann provide examples of ways athletes and musicians use imagery to improve their performance. David provides guidance through an imagery meditative experience. One that you can return to whenever you need it. CLICK HERE to access this audio. You are encouraged to imagine what feels comforting for you at this moment and to feel the feelings that occur during and after this practice. Use this practice provides a sense of security and connectedness that will help us weather this pandemic and... Support this podcast
Apr 27, 2020
TU119: For the Love of Men, Rethinking Masculinity with Liz Plank
49:32
It isn't a war between the genders, it's a war between those interested in freedom of individual expression and equality, and those wedded to and defending the patriarchal script.“I measure activism based on impact... .” - Liz PlankIn this episode, co-host Sue Marriott speaks with Liz Plank, one of the worlds most powerful and influential voices for gender and policy. Who is Liz Plank?Liz Plank is an award-winning journalist and senior producer at Vox Media. Her TedxTalk, How to Be a Man: A Woman's Guide inspired her first book, (https://amzn.to/3acOB8l) where she “offers a smart, insightful, and deeply-researched guide for what we're all going to do about toxic masculinity. For both women looking to guide the men in their lives and men who want to do better and just don’t know how.” Mediaite's Most Influential in New Media 50 Most Influential Women by Marie Claire Forbes' 30 Under 30 in Media Episode 119 Show Notes:Why do we need more storytelling around men?More progress regarding issues around domestic & sexual violence if men were more involved in the conversation. Human rights are not a finite resource and when there is more equality, the better it is for everyone. Open the conversation for men to talk about masculinity and what it means to be a man because they do not feel safe doing so. Having an empathic conversation about feminism that includes all genders, a movement that benefits the whole society. Rewriting Gender RolesThe lack of conversations regarding masculinity between men. Following gender roles based on societal pressures and family development. Exploring historical and cultural examples of how gender roles change and vary to give men permission to explore their identity. A shift in the younger generation being accepting of gender fluidity. What It Means To Be A ManIdentifying as a provider when many jobs traditionally done by men are disappearing or moving overseas. Starting to have the opportunity to have an identity outside of their career. Have both genders shoulder the emotional burden and do the work to heal. Narcissism & Toxic MasculinityThere is a higher percentage of narcissism in men. Have more female leadership represented in entertainment & media to provide an understanding of female complexity. EducationEncouraging curriculum that teaches anti-violence, anti-sexual assault, verbal consent, emotional intelligence, and interpersonal relationships. A universal understanding that we all experience similar emotions and social anxiety so we can all advocate for each other. Liz's Influence:Wanting to measure her activism based on impact. Wanting everyone to feel welcome to this conversation on masculinity and help men go through their emotional labor. Continue to open the conversation for men of influence to discuss masculinity openly. Masculinity Influence:Brad Pitt speaking openly about masculinity to give others permission to do the same. Tim Ferriss expressing that external performance is not where "success" is and inner work is the harder challenge but more important. Liz’s Recommendations: The Will to Change: Men, Masculinity, and Love by Bell Hooks (https://www.amazon.com/Will-Change-Men-Masculinity-Love/dp/0743456084) Thomas Page McBee (https://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Page-McBee/e/B00NDEXD5Y%3Fref=dbs_a_mng_rwt_scns_share) Wade Davis (https://wadeadavis.com/) Learn about and connect with Liz: (https://amzn.to/3acOB8l) TED Talk How to Be a Man, A Woman's Guide (https://youtu.be/9tNsNkzEzbw) Twitter (https://twitter.com/feministabulous) Instagram (https://www.instagram.com/lizplankofficial/) Web Series (http://www.elizabethplank.com/flipthescript) _____ Our course on Attachment and Neuroscience (https://courses.therapistuncensored.com/p/attachmentexplained) - It's Not Me It's My Amygdala, is now available to... Support this podcast
Apr 08, 2020
TU118: Mental Health Support During this Damn Coronavirus Pandemic
40:59
Calm is contagious, too! Coping through Coronavirus.Our hearts hurt for those affected by COVID. Those who are ill, survivors of those taken by the virus, service employee's continuing to work, front-line medical and science warriors, those who lost their job or savings, those who are isolated alone and those stuck at home in harsh relationships or with kids out of school and needy... it's all relative. It doesn't help to compare pain - pain is pain - we all need support through this. Period. So let's clasp hands and co-regulate one another through this as best we can. In this episode, Sue and Ann discuss how we are collectively processing the pandemic and provide some tools on how we can regulate our emotions during these times. We are having experiences that are creating emotions that we do not normally have from a day-to-day basis and will have to understand how to process. Get the Facts but don't Rubber-Neck (southern term I think, slowing down and looking hard at a wreck on the freeway even though you don't really want to see). Use social media purposefully, don't get hooked watching the stats there is nothing to see there that will help us cope. It's being covered each time as new news, so our nervous system stays in alert. Limit social media and create your bubble of safety. Use sources you trust and don't act from rumours. Name your feelings - identify the specific source rather than live in ocean of free-floating anxiety. Better to be afraid for your mom or your 401 K than feel the weight of anxiety globally. Connect socially as part of your ADL's - activities of daily living. Breathing Techniques - Breathing in for a count of 5 and exhaling for a count of 5. Imagery - Imagining a sense of calm and safety in your environment and community. Use your mind to soothe and comfort yourself - this is neuroscience and it actually works! Add a safe person, place or animal that comforts you. Perspective matters - this will end. Interconnectedness - We are all experiencing this collectively. You are not alone. The virus does not discriminate it's a great equalizer even though we aren't equally effected (it hits marginalized communities hardest). Know what you can and cannot control - We cannot predict what will happen. We can control what we focus on, what information and how much information we are consuming. Our global actions can have a global impact. World Health Organization (https://www.who.int/) (https://www.tarabrach.com/rain/) Recognize what is happening; Allow the experience to be there, just as it is; Investigate with interest and care; Nurture with self-compassion. (https://www.getselfhelp.co.uk/docs/APPLE.pdf) Acknowledge the thought that comes to mind. Pause your reaction and breathe. Pull back and understand that thoughts are not always your own. Let go of the thought or feeling. Explore the present moment. Stop. Touch. Go. Resources and Links to recent articles: Trusted resources (https://www.nytimes.com/news-event/coronavirus) TU64: Mindfulness Meditation with Yoga Therapist Kelly Inselman (https://www.therapistuncensored.com/episodes/tu64/) TU63: Living with Cancer – The Six Principles of Emotional Healing with Guest Kelly Inselmann (https://www.therapistuncensored.com/episodes/tu63/) TU52: Using Mindfulness, Movement and Yoga to Manage Arousal, with Guest Kelly Inselmann (https://www.therapistuncensored.com/episodes/tu52/) Our course on Attachment and Neuroscience (https://courses.therapistuncensored.com/p/attachmentexplained) has been recently released and is now available! And, since you are deep into these show notes then you are one of us, so get 10% off by putting in code OURCLAN. 🙂 While this course is utilized heavily by clinicians (CE’s available!), all who are interested in deepening security in yourselves and your relationships... Support this podcast
Mar 30, 2020
TU117: Resilience Trauma and the Brain W/ Guest Bruce Perry MD, PhD
57:04
"Regulate, then relate, then reason" Dr. PerryIn this episode, co-host Sue Marriott speaks with Dr. Bruce Perry, a renowned neuroscientist, psychiatrist, clinician and researcher on children's mental health. They discuss staging intervention based on brain develop in a technique called the Neurosequential Model. Who is Dr. Bruce Perry?Bruce Perry, MD, PhD is the Senior Fellow of (http://www.childhoodinstitute.org.au/) . Dr. Perry is the author, along with Maia Szalavitz, of . (https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0061656798/ref=as_li_qf_sp_asin_il_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=0061656798&linkCode=as2&tag=wescoatrapro-20&linkId=XHGWPTSQLOW7ZWL5) His most recent multimedia books, (https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00E7A3FTW/ref=as_li_qf_sp_asin_il_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=B00E7A3FTW&linkCode=as2&tag=wescoatrapro-20&linkId=CV3MAON77K6NPGMZ) and RESILIENT: Six Core Strengths for Healthy Development were released in 2013. Over the last thirty years, Dr. Perry has been an active teacher, clinician and researcher in children’s mental health and the neurosciences holding a variety of academic positions. The Concept of ResilienceDefined as the capacity and basically the capacity to tolerate stressors and challenges and maintain function Resilience is built; children are not born with it, and it can also be tapped out How is Resilience Built?Resilience is built through relationally mediated experiences of moderate challenge where there's predictability, consistency and some degree of controllability. These experiences activate the stress response system. Because of neuroplasticity, neural networks are changeable but only when the neural network itself is activated, meaning the stress response system can only become more flexible, strong, and capable when activated. We can only become more resilient when stressed but in a certain pattern – needs 3 things: predictability, moderation, and controllability. The Underdeveloped Stress Response SystemWithout adequate stressors, example helicopter parenting, the stress response system does not become resilient, which leads to difficulty coping with the increasing complexity and demands taking place through development. The Neurosequential ModelDeveloped to explain the behaviors Dr Perry saw in children with overactive and underdeveloped stress response symptoms Looks at where the individual is cognitively w/ regard to self-regulation in comparison to their age chronologically Those who have not had the social learning experiences that correspond with their age in years do not have those skills. If given developmentally targeted opportunities, they can catch up Bottom up approach Particularly effective w/ complex trauma, can be used to treat adults and children Clinical Application of the Neurosequential ModelView maladaptive behaviors as a form of self-regulation Create a Daily Regulatory Plan Regulatory activity Predictability Spacing Dosing Intentional Guided Imagery For Building ResilienceCreating an internal world where a specific role and scenario are played out – we have more control over our internal process of imagining than we realize Doing this helps to desensitize an overactive stress response system when dosed properly Build empathy by reading novels Ideal Parent Protocol Kids and cartoons Thoughts on the attachment sciences, infant attachment, and adult attachmentThe early relational experiences are the major determinants of the set point for the stress response It is the quality of the caregiving that literally helps build in the capacity to be resilient or sensitized. In context of early caregiving, the attentive attuned responsive carer is essentially building into the brain a triune association between the reward neurobiology in the brain, the stress... Support this podcast
Mar 13, 2020
TU116: Fight Flight Freeze … and “Fawn”?? Can People-Pleasing Be a Sign of Trauma?
29:26
Are you a huge people-pleaser, conflict avoider, peace-keeper? Maybe you are just being nice, but if you are compelled to do it, driven to not take up much space, to not impose... and you don't have much of a choice about it, there may be something deeper going on. If so, today's episode talks to you, friend.  Freeze Appease Dissociate... Appease is Fawning when it comes to C-PTSD. If you haven’t joined us in the 30-Day Challenge, you can start at any time by (http://therapistuncensored.com/challenge) ! No sales, no gimmicks, just 4 supportive email over a month to support you in changing an emotional health habit that no longer works for you.SHOW NOTESShout out to all those on the 30-day Challenge! You've been getting a series of emails.... this show discusses a topic that will help MANY of you with your personal emotional growth challenge.FawningThis is actually an old term coined by Peter Walker in 2003 discussing Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (C-PTSD) Fawn types seek safety by merging with the wishes, needs and demands of others. They act as if they unconsciously believe that the price of admission to any relationship is the forfeiture of all their needs, rights, preferences and boundaries. - Peter Walker on his website. You may be familiar with fight flight and freeze - the 3 common threat responses that our autonomic nervous system unconsciously engages when it perceives danger. If not, there is a TON of information about this in many previous episodes of Therapist Uncensored. We are interested because it affects how we relate to others and makes us act really stupid at times. :) Well, it's smart from an old survival perspective but can be really bone-headed in our adult lives when the reaction is triggered and yet the threat doesn't warrant such survival response. Well, when we can't escape the trauma and thus fighting or fleeing isn't an option, our bodies will freeze, appease or dissociate. The appease portion of the response is what Walker refers to as "Fawn." It is another survival response which is often associated with complex post-traumatic stress disorder. It occurs when survivors recognize danger signals and stay safe by complying and minimizing confrontation. Freeze, Appease or Dissociate - Fawning refers to Appease. People-pleasing Being unable to say how you really think or feel Caring for others to your own detriment Always saying “yes” to requests Flattering others Struggling with low self-esteem Avoiding conflict Feeling taken advantage of Being very concerned about fitting in with others Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder C-PTSD Who doesn’t love special offers? Discounted course – It’s Not Me It’s My Amygdala! Advanced Course Connecting the Science(s) of the Mind to Interpersonal Relationships Therapist Uncensored Neuronerds (http://www.patreon.com/therapistuncensored)  for as little as $5 a month! Increase your access, join a kick-ass like-minded community, get discounts on our courses and get exclusive content. Help us create a ripple of security by supporting us in freely sharing the science of relationships around the globe! (https://amzn.to/2tqN3bg)  by Lori Gottlieb. If you are looking for something to inspire you – make you laugh – tear up a bit and generally move towards being a better human this is the book we are recommending this month. Use the link above for a free audiobook!   LIKE this episode? Please please please leave us a review and rating on your podcast player. You also may enjoy these: TU30: The Stages of Change: A Roadmap to Readiness (https://www.therapistuncensored.com/stages-of-change/) TU88: 6 Steps to Increase Your Felt Sense of Security (https://www.therapistuncensored.com/tu88/) TU08: Understanding Emotional Triggers: Why Your Buttons Get Pushed and What To Do About It... Support this podcast
Feb 27, 2020
TU115: Improving Your Emotional Health – the Challenge & the Update with Ann Kelley PhD and Sue Marriott LCSW CGP
28:05
In this episode of Therapist Uncensored, co-hosts Ann Kelley and Sue Marriott discuss their progress in their 30-Day Challenge. If you haven’t joined us in the 30-Day Challenge, you can start today by (https://www.therapistuncensored.com/wp-admin/therapistuncensored.com/challenge) ! No sales no gimmicks, just support for you to change!SHOW NOTESPositive, Humbling, and Frickin’ HardAnn discuses the positive activation around sharing and discussing the 30-Day Challenge. Sue shares about the challenge of the Challenge  A bit ambitious because it is a deeply held unconscious learning Working on Changing Adaptations From Early ChildhoodThe consensus in the Facebook group and among our Patrons is that we're picking something that was an adaptation from our early life. It was important that we learn to do it, but it's not necessarily helping us now. The problem is it was laid down in our bodies so early and really without conscious thought, so even just thinking about it doesn't necessarily change it. Instead, we adapt to it, repress it, etc. This leads to a cycle of recognizing something, acknowledging that it isn’t working, and then repeating the behavior, which is induces shame. Relief and FrustrationThese behaviors are implicit, which makes them really hard to change. The Process: Community Connection  Trying to teach ourselves to do something new  Picking one thing, not everything, with love, compassion, and curiosity  Examine the symptom or behavior that is no longer serving us  Just learning about it and becoming more aware Not trying to repress or change it Try something new and continue to learn  Are we resistant to changing? Reluctant to give up the old behavior? Etc Adjusting the GoalSue discusses the zig-zag process of scaling her goal up and down based on her exploration process and how her thoughts about it changed after attending a conference with Bruce Eckert on Memory Reconsolidation.  (https://www.therapistuncensored.com/captivate-podcast/tu112_memory_reconsolidation/) Two Particularly Helpful Takeaways From the ConferenceWe can’t know our unconscious Sue tests out whether or not The Memory Reconsolidation Technique is something we can do alone Because the behavior is implicit, it comes from the unconscious, so there is no way to see it by ourselves. But we can still move it by being curious about our responses and what comes up in the feelings of threat. Seeing the effects of the implicit coming out in our explicit reactions and working to get more comfortable with it invites it in more. State Dependent Learning When we're in a regulated state, we have access to all this great knowledge and learned information. As we get into a dysregulated state, the neural network shifts and it becomes a different learning. We really actually kind of lose contact for a moment with that more reflective stance. Especially if we come from a neglect or a trauma background or had tough things in life or had adversity. We have these learnings that are on their own neural network. Neural Networks and Changing Symptomatic BehaviorThere are 2 different neural circuits, and the only way to change the symptomatic behavior is to access the other neural circuit. This has to do with activation, so we have to actually feel the feelings How Do We know What’s Changing?It starts with the behavior starts with the symptom. In recognizing the symptom that you want to shift, you've gone much more internal and you've named one part of it. In exploring it, we are un-layering it, and we’re smack dab on our which is to to go deeper and shift to more of a sense of security inside of you. Who doesn’t love special offers? Discounted course – It’s Not Me It’s My Amygdala! Advanced Course Connecting the Science(s) of the Mind to Interpersonal Relationships Therapist Uncensored... Support this podcast
Feb 19, 2020
TU114: Take the 30 Day Emotional Health Challenge!
38:44

Nobody is perfect. Let us support you in doing something you KNOW you need to do but may not know how. For 30 days, choose ONE old habit you want to let go of, focus on understanding where it comes from, challenge tired old troublesome beliefs, risk learning something new and updating your old map. Change can look like: insight, more compassion, new behavior, it can be small or large, but it's gotta change. We discuss examples and tie this into the Modern Attachment-Regulation Spectrum and the colors you may lean toward to help you pick something.

The post TU114: 30 Day Emotional Security Challenge with Sue Marriott & Ann Kelley appeared first on Therapist Uncensored.

Feb 04, 2020
TU113: Integrating Self-Defense, Neuroscience and Affirmative Consent to Build Empowerment and Heal Trauma
50:50

“Yes means yes is the new no means no!” Often we doubt our gut instinct,  question our right to take up space in the world, and live governed by fear -especially when we’ve experienced trauma. Meet the Safety Team, a group of ordinary women doing extraordinary work teaching women how to build resiliency and re-claim…

The post TU113: Integrating Self-Defense, Neuroscience and Affirmative Consent to Build Empowerment and Heal Trauma appeared first on Therapist Uncensored.

Jan 23, 2020
TU112: The Life-Changing Science of Memory Reconsolidation with Guests Bruce Ecker & Tori Olds
01:00:48

Memory reconsolidation brings awareness to old maps and traumatic emotional learning and gives us a clean slate on which to build new learning pathways. Powerhouse clinicians Tori Olds and Bruce Ecker join co-host Sue Marriott in a discussion on the science behind this process and Coherence Theory, which brings these ideas to life.

The post TU112: The Life-Changing Science of Memory Reconsolidation with Guests Bruce Ecker & Tori Olds appeared first on Therapist Uncensored.

Jan 07, 2020
TU111: Navigating Narcissistic Relationships – Gaslighting Manipulation and Grandiosity Called Out
43:09

You deserve better! The term narcissism is easily tossed around, especially in this world of selfies, however if you are deeply connected to someone with the personality disorder narcissism it is a very real, painful and serious experience. This patron-requested episode unpacks the difficulty in identifying the problem and provides next steps regarding what to do about it.

The post TU111: Navigating Narcissistic Relationships – How to See it and Disengage appeared first on Therapist Uncensored.

Dec 24, 2019
TU110: Story Follows State – Investigating Polyvagal Theory with Guest Deb Dana
56:42

In this episode of Therapist Uncensored, co-host Sue Marriott explores the intersection of Polyvagal Theory, neuroscience, and attachment with Deb Dana. We will investigate how the mind creates stories from information relayed by the nervous system, and how we can rewrite the script to move toward security.

The post TU110: Story Follows State – Investigating Polyvagal Theory with Guest Deb Dana appeared first on Therapist Uncensored.

Dec 05, 2019
TU109: THIS is Resilience in Action With Guest Alphanso Appleton
34:46
One man's story from unthinkable trauma to healing and recovery using non-Western approaches. Alphanso Appleton's story of civil war, Ebola and tragic loss will bring trauma are relience in sharp focus. You will be moved by his story.
Nov 22, 2019
Judgement and Self-Criticism Unchecked – a Great Interpersonal Defense
21:03
Judgement says more about the judg-er than the judg-ee.  It's not Judgement - Bad.  It's Judgement-Interesting. Everybody judges and in truth, we unconsciously evaluate good/bad all the time - both positively and negatively.  It's our brains appraisal system.  However unchecked it's also a very handy interpersonal defense.  Today we explore one aspect of insecure functioning, unchecked judgement and harsh self-criticism.
Nov 15, 2019
What is Somatic Experiencing With Guest Abi Blakeslee
01:00:26
Trauma is not a life sentence anymore! Somatic Experiencing, like Pat Ogden's Sensorimotor Psychotherapy, is a powerful model to transform pain and uses your body to help restore you to freedom and ease. Abi Blakeslee and Sue Marriott take you right into it and as always, check out our show notes for TONS of further resources!
Oct 30, 2019
What Actually Heals in Therapy with Psychoanalyst Nancy McWilliams
45:06
Learn what actually works in therapy. It's hard to verbalize the problem with "evidenced-based" models of care, but renown psychoanalyst and psychologist Nancy McWilliams does just that.  She further describes what happens in quality depth-oriented therapies such as psychoanalytically-informed attachment oriented therapy, and integrates the neurobiological aspect that Freud started that has now been confirmed. Who is Nancy McWilliams? Nancy McWilliams, PhD, ABPP, is Visiting Professor in the Graduate School of Applied and Professional Psychology at Rutgers, The State University of New Jersey, and has a private practice in Flemington, New Jersey. She is on the editorial board of Psychoanalytic Psychology and has authored three classic books on psychotherapy, including the award-winning Psychoanalytic Diagnosis, Second Edition: Understanding Personality Structure in the Clinical Process. Dr. McWilliams is an Honorary Member of the American Psychoanalytic Association and a former Erikson Scholar at the Austen Riggs Center in Stockbridge, Massachusetts. She is a recipient of the Leadership and Scholarship Awards from Division 39 (Psychoanalysis) of the American Psychological Association (APA) and the Hans H. Strupp Award from the Appalachian Psychoanalytic Society, and delivered the Dr. Rosalee G. Weiss Lecture for Outstanding Leaders in Psychology for APA Division 42 (Psychologists in Independent Practice). She has demonstrated psychodynamic psychotherapy in three APA educational videos and has spoken at the commencement ceremonies of the Yale University School of Medicine and the Smith College School for Social Work. Show Notes - Psychoanalytic Perspectives on Therapy with Nancy McWilliams Psychoananalytic Perspective, Trauma & Attachment Based Treatment • Challenges – academic and scientific • Short term focused • Technique driven • However, deprives individuals of the time needed to establish secure attachment to therapist, develop motivation to change, feel root feelings, etc. • Psychoananalytic Perspective • Humanistic-evidence based relationships • Proving and disproving Freud  Trauma treatment history • Long term Therapy Benefits • Devoted Therapist Negative Transference "Difficult patients" typically are the ones that evoke parts of ourselves that we don't like. Our own ugliness, our own badness, all of that. And again, that goes back to long-term treatment, but also long-term treatment of ourselves, you know, as doing our own work and really, you know, a lifelong process. Research on non-verbal communications and what works in therapy. Learning the defenses and what lies underneath • Narcissism/soft toss • Borderline • what would you advise for people to get the most out of their therapy or any close relationship that they're in? Do you have thoughts about that?   If you enjoy this episode you may also enjoy these: TU105: Narcissism, What is Going On Under the Defense w Sue Marriott & Ann Kelley TU90: Avoidance and the Difficulty Opening Up with Guest Robert T. Muller TU41: The Dark Side Of Therapy: Recognizing When The Therapeutic Relationship Goes Bad   Resources: Psychoanalytic Diagnosis by Nancy McWilliams (textbook for therapists and students) To Know and to Care - A_Review of Psychoanalysis by Nancy McWilliams Psychoanalytic Diagnosis - Nancy McWilliams A psychodynamic formulation masterclass by Nancy McWilliams In Conversation Wih Dr Nancy McWilliam The Therapeutic Presence In Psychoanalys by Nancy McWilliams Maybe You Should Talk to Someone: A Therapist, HER Therapist, and Our Lives Revealed - Lori Gottlieb  (Sue read this at Dr. McWilliams suggestion and found it hilarious, poignant and much like therapy occurs in real life.  Highly recommended.)   Who doesn’t love special offers? Our course is now available for a deeply discounted early release  price! While this course is aimed toward clinicians (CE’s available!),
Oct 18, 2019
TU105 Narcissism What is Going on Under the Defense with Sue Marriott and Ann Kelley
44:39
Get under the hood of what narcissism truly is, what causes it and what the defense and personality structure is all about. With compassion this phenomena is explored, focusing this time on the diagnosis itself. Later we will discuss Malignant Narcissism and what to do if you were raised in this environment or are partnered with a narcissist.
Oct 03, 2019
Attachment Science & the Single World With Becki Mendivil (Replay)
54:51
Candid and hilarious conversation about how the relational sciences translates to work and parenting, by a listener ready to challenge the premise. Afraid of interacting with your co-workers? All the single listeners, (think Beyonce!) heads up.  Learn to use attachment science day to day and delve more deeply into the avoidant end of the spectrum. Fun episode!
Sep 25, 2019
TU103: Curiosity: One of the Most Powerful Tools For Connection (Replay)
40:43
Have you ever just sat back and observed a small child as they learn something new?  There is this profound sense of awe and wonder with each new discovery they make.  Kids are naturally curious.  As adults, we tend to take what we know about the world for granted. But, through the eyes of a child, the world is an exciting mystery just waiting to be discovered!  What if we told you that it is possible to experience that childlike curiosity in your day-to-day life, starting right now? What if we also told you that curiosity is one of the most powerful relationship tools we have?  Curiosity is much more than a quest for knowledge and is not as simple as it seems. 
Aug 15, 2019
TU102: Finding Neurological Safety through Relationships, with Guest Bonnie Badenoch (Replay)
50:47
Explore the myth of self-regulation, the natural neurobiology of co-regulation and it's capacity to engage safety and heal trauma. Learn about using interpersonal neurobiology (IPNB) and Polyvagal Theory to establish safety and security in therapy and in relationships.
Aug 01, 2019
TU101: Treating Attachment Disruptions in Adults With David Elliott (Replay)
49:01
Learn the 3 pillars of attachment security and how to heal from the inside-out. We cover quite a lot in this podcast, especially about treatment, but if that still isn’t enough, these show notes are PACKED with PDF’s of great material offered by Dr. Elliott! Below you will find 4 full PDF handouts about the salient ideas of their synthesis of treatment for adults with attachment disruptions.
Jul 14, 2019
TU100: Reflections and Favorites From 100 Episodes
53:51
For our 100th episode, tune in for a review of favorite audience episodes and back stories about the evolution of Therapist Uncensored with co-hosts Ann Kelley and Sue Marriott.  This is a show hosted by 2 therapists who share the most usable science on attachment relationships psychotherapy and trauma.  It combines both host lead conversations and interviews with top experts in the the respective fields - neuroscience, therapists, academic researchers, musicians and pop-culture celebrities that share their wisdom about relationships. 
Jul 08, 2019
Food, The Body, Trauma, & Attachment With Guests Paula Scatoloni & Rachel Lewis-Marlow
57:29
What if we flipped the script and learned to see our body as a messenger that needs to be heard rather than an obstacle to be conquered when it comes to our relationship with food? When we take physiological perspective, we learn that the body has much to say not only about food but also emotional regulation and our basic human needs for attachment and defense.
Jun 27, 2019
TU98: Dive Deeper into a Model of Attachment Science (the DMM) by Ann Kelley & Sue Marriott
26:55
Dive deeper into this new (to us) model of interpreting attachment science and discover how to apply it in your daily life.  Sue Marriott LCSW, CGP and Ann Kelley PhD have fun breaking down the last two episodes where Dr. Patricia Crittenden so generously shared her strategies of adaptation model, called the Dynamic Maturational Model (DMM).  Focus is on personal and clinical importance in this last of a 3-part series on the DMM.
Jun 13, 2019
TU97: The Dynamic Maturational Model (DMM) of Attachment With Guest Patricia Crittenden (Part 2)
56:28
A unique perspective in the treatment and assessment of attachment injuries, the DMM is explained in detail right here! Dr. Patricia Crittenden shares her model, the Dynamic Maturational Model of Attachment and Adaptation, and uses her rich international background to deepen our understanding of culture and context on self-survival strategies.
May 29, 2019
TU96: Treating Attachment & Self-Protective Strategies With Guest Patricia Crittenden (Part 1)
41:35
Discover a new voice and unique perspective in the treatment and assessment of attachment injuries. Dr. Patricia Crittenden shares her model, the Dynamic Maturational Model of Attachment and Adaptation, and uses her rich international background to deepen our understanding of culture and context on self-survival strategies.
May 15, 2019
Oxytocin & Dogs (& Pets in General) as Attachment Figures
33:19
Want a totally free, no-hangover naturally produced cuddle-drug? Oxytocin provides a boost of the best bonding drug possible and is the natural love drug our bodies make at key relational moments such as child-birth, nursing, orgasm and falling in love.  In this episode we discuss how to create this moral molecule without even needing complicated human relationships by connecting mutually to our companion pets.  What's not to love about that?
May 01, 2019
TU94: The Science of Self-Regulation – Breaking down Polyvagal Theory
30:43
The science of relaxing into love....this episode continues the exploration of Polyvagal Theory by bringing it to life through discussion and real-life examples.  Sue Marriott and Ann Kelley continue to break down one of the most important theories of our generation when it comes to trauma and psychological treatment.
Apr 17, 2019
TU93: Polyvagal Theory in Action – The Practice of Body Regulation With Dr Stephen Porges
59:32
We are excited to bring you Dr. Stephen Porges, the award-winning neuroscientist who proposed the Polyvagal Theory. This theory uses neuroscience and physiopsychology to explain mechanisms in the brain that create symptoms we call psychological disturbances. PVT has stimulated research & treatment emphasizing the importance of biology, the body, and behavioral regulation. It's not just for our brains, it's for our hearts!
Apr 10, 2019
Polyvagal Theory in Action - The Science and Practice of Body Regulation With Dr Stephen Porges
We are excited to bring you Dr. Stephen Porges, the award-winning neuroscientist who proposed the Polyvagal Theory. This theory uses neuroscience and physiopsychology to explain mechanisms in the brain that create symptoms we call psychological disturbances. PVT has stimulated research & treatment emphasizing the importance of biology, the body, and behavioral regulation. It's not just for our brains, it's for our hearts!
Apr 02, 2019
TU92: Understanding Addiction and Attachment-Informed Treatment With Guests Brad Kennedy & Vanessa Kennedy
01:14:47
Learn 3 distinct features that make one vulnerable to addiction and understand the varied dynamics through the lens of attachment with guests Brad Kennedy and Dr. Vanessa Kennedy. By getting curious about our behaviors and understanding why we do what we do, we can begin shifting our narrative from one of shame to one of compassion.
Mar 15, 2019
TU91: Curiosity – One of the Most Powerful Tools For Connection
39:18
Have you ever just sat back and observed a small child as they learn something new?  There is this profound sense of awe and wonder with each new discovery they make.  Kids are naturally curious.  As adults, we tend to take what we know about the world for granted. But, through the eyes of a child, the world is an exciting mystery just waiting to be discovered!  What if we told you that it is possible to experience that childlike curiosity in your day-to-day life, starting right now? What if we also told you that curiosity is one of the most powerful relationship tools we have?  Curiosity is much more than a quest for knowledge and is not as simple as it seems. 
Mar 01, 2019
TU90: Attachment Avoidance and the Difficulty Opening Up, with Robert T. Muller
43:53
It's hard enough to unfold yourself in therapy, but when your life experience has challenged you, avoidance is sure to follow.  It is difficult to open up if you found safety in being cloaked - but that cloak can clog up our current adult relationships.  Dang it! Sorry to tell you what we imagine you already know. :) Gotta lose the cloak, friend!
Feb 14, 2019
TU89 Neurofluency – with Dr. Lou Cozolino, Applied Neuroscience made Understandable
50:34
This episode breaks down the basics of neuroscience as it relates to being human in a relational world. This skill will help with your boss, your teacher, your student, your child, you client or you spouse. Learn to use the solid findings across varied life experiences. Sue Marriott joins Dr. Lou Cozolino, books and original articles on the subject.
Jan 31, 2019
TU88: 6 Steps to Building Security & Self-Confidence You Can Do On Your Own
29:42
Building inner security & self-confidence by yourself can seem nearly impossible, so for today we are ditching the heady neuroscience to break down 6 quick tips to improve self-confidence entirely on your own.  You’ll discover how this handful of steps can vastly improve the way you feel internally and the way you carry yourself externally.
Jan 24, 2019
TU 87: Treating Complex Trauma and Attachment with Guest Dr. Daniel Brown
54:29
This episode is packed with cool content! Learn about complex trauma, debunk myths of false memories from an expert witness of child sexual abuse, and of course revisit the 3 Pillars Model of effective treatment for attachment disturbances!
Jan 10, 2019
86: Mentalization and Regression, Responding to Listener’s Questions with Sue Marriott
32:41
Co-host Sue Marriott ends the year by addressing in depth 2 questions from our audience. These focus on mentalization, the attachment spectrum and regression. We look at how we can lose the capacity to mentalize when we are in a dismissing state of mind and what happens when we regress into early modes of functioning.
Dec 21, 2018
TU85: Attachment in the Classroom with Guest Linno Rhodes
50:23
Using the science of attachment in the classroom.  A look at the take-aways from a tour of relational science experts, guest Linno Rhodes joins co-host Dr. Ann Kelley as they look at applying the skills learned in one's life and the workplace.
Dec 14, 2018
TU 84: Why Do We Over (or Under) React? The Neurobiological Underpinnings of Attachment Categories
55:28
Neurobiological differences can be detected between secure and insecure relating, and even between the two organized insecure patterns of attachment (Dismissing and Preoccupied)!  This is cool because we can understand it and begin to gain mastery over our primitive reactions.
Nov 30, 2018
TU83: Establishing Neurological Safety through Relationships with Guest Bonnie Badenoch
52:40
The natural neurobiology of co-regulation and it's capacity to engage safety and heal trauma.  In addition, the myth of self-regulation and how to re-engage interpersonal relationships. Using interpersonal neurobiology (ipnb) and polyvagal theory to establish safety and security in therapy and in relationships.
Nov 06, 2018
TU82: The Paradox of Masculinity with Guest Esther Perel
34:48
Can we find a way for men to be BOTH Relational and Masculine?  It couldn't be a more important time for thoughtful, honest, and provocative discussion on what it means to be a man in today's culture.  Perel makes a case that men are both harmed by the existing power structures and perpetuate harm by the codes imposed on them by all of us. In 2018 there are many contentious ideas about masculinity and “the male code” including confusion by men about how to hold themselves out as safe and masculine during this time of #MeToo and Kavanaugh. 
Oct 24, 2018
TU81: How Good Boundaries Actually Bring Us Closer, with Guest Juliane Taylor Shore
50:25
Interpersonal co-regulation requires boundary setting.  Most of us haven't been lucky enough to learn to be good at boundary setting naturally, by good examples, so we have to literally be taught how to do this important skill.  Well today we are in luck!  Jello will be your friend.  :)  
Oct 17, 2018
TU:80 Nervous Systems in the News: Dr. Blasey Ford, Sexual Trauma Stories and the Power of Patriarchy
24:17
We also touch on the science of memory, implicit and explicit, mirror neurons, stress hormones and threat responses and most importantly the power of patriarchy to harm both women and men, both political parties and our democracy as we know it.
Oct 04, 2018
TU79: Attachment Spectrum and the Nervous System, Quick Review with Updates
27:41
A review of using the attachment spectrum to improve secure relating and to improve your understanding of yourself and others in your day to day lives.  Today we review what we've discussed so far on the podcast about the attachment spectrum and add more detail about the nervous system.  The spectrum uses the research in a way that makes it more accessible and clinically useful so that more people can gain from all this good data! If interested in more tune in to Episodes 5, 59, 60, 61 and 66.
Oct 02, 2018
TU78: The Stress Response System (Attachment) Across the Lifespan – (Replay)
32:34
Neuroscience continues to document our ability to change and grow throughout our life. This episode takes a wide-angle look at attachment throughout one’s life, discusses how one’s environment affects their system’s involuntary response to stress, and how that stress response system impacts us from infancy to the autumn years.  Learn how to adjust set stress “pathways” and move towards more secure relating in adult relationships, and also unravel the parallels that exist between attachment in infants and the elderly. 
Sep 26, 2018
TU77: Understanding the Mind with Guest Dr. Dan Siegel (Replay)
58:58
Deep discussion on how the current political, international and climate crises could be viewed as a chance to transform human connection rather than be seen from a place of doom. Dr. Siegel called for us all to become pervasive leaders - a great inspiration.
Sep 11, 2018
TU76: Behind the Scenes with Ann and Sue, Reflections and a Look Ahead
10:01
Sue Marriott and Ann Kelley walk the walk by bringing authenticity and vulnerability to their listeners and seeking connection, engagement and feedback. They also request listener feedback and input to help them co-create an exciting and high quality Season 3 of Therapist Uncensored.
Aug 30, 2018
TU 74: Mentalizing: A Critical Component For Secure Relating With Tina Adkins (replay)
48:21
The coolest thing about mentalizing is that it is teachable and can interrupt the transmission of insecure attachment with very low level interventions compared to years of psychotherapy.
Aug 22, 2018
TU73: Building Grit Through Self Compassion with Dr Kristin Neff (replay)
01:00:18
Self compassion includes fierce accountability and is essential to psychological health… who knew? Most of us think of it as being soft on yourself, but in this episode our guest will reveal the surprising power and science of self compassion.
Aug 15, 2018
TU72: Attachment Parenting Vs. Attachment Science, Clearing up Misconsceptions
38:08
Finding the middle ground between constantly attending to your child versus letting them learn to self-soothe is a challenge that all parents must face. In this episode, Dr. Ann Kelley and Sue Marriott LCSW, CGP, break down the difference between "Attachment Parenting" and the science of actual theory. 
Aug 04, 2018
TU71: Speakably Sexy – Communicating to Make Sex Hotter and Relationships More Alive
37:25
What makes the ins and outs of sexuality so hard to talk aboout?  It turns out, if couples do talk about sex, the conversation is often mostly about frequency.  However, what is missing are the zillion of other thoughts and feelings we have about intimacy (or lack there of), desire (or lack thereof), fantasies (or lack thereof), pleasure (or lack therefo) and, oh yeah, the mechanics of sex as well.   But don't sweat it, in this episode Therapist Uncensored co-host Dr. Ann Kelley joins guest Dr. Susan Ansorge to talk about talking about sex.   Learn to overcome the difficulties of opening up to yourself and your sexual partner about these very personal and understandably anxiety-filled conversations. Dr. Susan Ansorge is a practicing psychologist in Austin, TX. Her interest, training and experience in working with sexual issues began during her tenure as a staff psychologist at the UT Counseling and Mental Health Center, and has continued through her 17 years of private practice. Dr. Ansorge was also member of the Austin Women’s Psychotherapy Project, bringing leaders in the field of gender-aware Psychotherapy to the Austin area, as well as presenting locally and nationally on topics in the areas of gender and sexuality as they relate to psychotherapy. Her written work has appeared in the National Center for PTSD Quarterly. 0:00-10:00 Introduction General difficulties in discussing sex with your partner Learning to talk about talking about sex Desire discrepancy and more complicated questions/conversations about sex The difficulty in beginning a discussion that you are afraid might be hurtful to your partner   10:00-20:00 How best to get dialogue going with your partner about desires and likes/dislikes When and where is the right place and time for the right conversation about your shared sex life? How sex is initiated and finding a compatible middle ground Desires and fantasies can often be considered taboo, but fantasies can also be a gold mine of communication Difference in fantasies between men and women, women of different ages   20:00-30:00 The element of novelty in women’s fantasies and element of pleasing their partner in men’s fantasies Part of women’s fantasies is being desired Caretaking and nurturing is counterintuitive to sexual narcissism Avoiding arousal/desire censorship   30:00-40:00 How to bring up talking about sex to one’s partner and using available resources Appreciating one’s partners perspective just like in any communication setting Wrap up and outro   Resources Mating in Captivity: Unlocking Erotic Intelligence by Esther Perel, former guest on our show. The Erotic Mind: Unlocking the Inner Sources of Passion and Fulfillment by Jack Morin  Tired Woman’s Guide to Passionate Sex:  Reclaim Your Desire and Reignite Your Relationship by Laurie B. Mintz  Come as You Are by Emily Nagosaki We appreciate our sponsor TheraNest! Our show is not just for mental health professionals AT ALL, but if you are a mental health professional, you will appreciate our sponsor as well!  Most of us do not want to spend our time on the business aspect of our practice. TheraNest is a practice management software that will help you streamline and manage your entire practice with ease.  They provide HIPPA compliant documentation, full-featured calendar (even with text reminders!), insurance and client billing, credit card processing and live customer service.  Ourlisteners receiving 20% discount on first three months if you sign up with TheraNest.com/Therapistuncensored.  Please click above and check it out. Want to support this work and stay in touch? The best way to stay in touch right now is to join our Facebook page (click here)  where we post more frequently - also find our private FB page by joining the public one! We only send email when we have something to really say in order to respect your inbox...
Jul 24, 2018
TU70: Challenge Your “Busy” Identity – Gain Consciousness Over Your Pace
40:07
Do you use a to-do list as a way to justify the need to be busy rather then the other way around? Idleness can breed discomfort and busyness seems to help to fill in the gap. Learn how conscious busyness and idleness can generate cognitive health and happiness, while unconscious busyness and passivity just adds to the stress trap.
Jul 19, 2018
Exploring Intersecting Genders: What We Can All Learn with Guest Li Brookens
50:48
Walk through the discovery experience of coming to understand yourself as transgender, and see how coming to truly discover and embrace yourself relates to everyone, not just those who identify as non-binary.  Personal and delightful story of transgender identity discovery, and catch up with what you should know about gender identity. Example - what's the difference between transgender and butch lesbian, sex, gender and sexual orientation, tomboy and trans... and what's the deal with the strange pronouns. Find out here.  
Jul 10, 2018
TU68: Separation at the Border – Compounding Trauma and Insecurity
22:46
"Security" at the border?  Relational science professionals have a lot to offer to understand the human rights event that is unfolding on the US-Mexico border.  This podcast has been all about promoting security in ourselves and our loved ones, and a primary component to this is access to your caregiver when you are young.  It effects our biology, or persistent sense of ourselves and our view of the world.  But it works both ways... Stress and fear that is ongoing also has the same persistent thumbprint as well. 
Jul 02, 2018
A Practical Technique to Calm and Confidence with Guest Richard Hill
45:35
Unlock natural problem solving and calm the chaos of your mind using Hill and Rossi's treatment tips.  The Mirroring Hand technique teaches you to use your natural problem solving to manage stress and anxiety.
Jun 25, 2018
TU66: Lessons from the Single-Not-Dating World on Using Attachment Science in Real Life, with Guest Becki Mendivil
52:53
Candid and hilarious conversation about how the relational sciences translates to work and parenting, by a listener ready to challenge the premise. Afraid of interacting with your co-workers? All the single listeners, (think Beyonce!) heads up.  Learn to use attachment science day to day and delve more deeply into the avoidant end of the spectrum. Fun episode!
Jun 04, 2018
TU65: Sensorimotor Psychotherapy: Tuning Into the Wisdom of Your Body, with Guest Dr. Pat Ogden
54:19
We have unconscious stories about ourselves and the world held in our mind/body.  Sensorimotor psychotherapy helps you be curious about what your body stores & can have a huge impact on your sense of self. Tap into your own mind/body as a deep & abiding source of information and means of finding self-understanding and closer connection. It's part of growing secure relating with self and others!
May 25, 2018
TU64: Mindfulness Meditation with Yoga Therapist Kelly Inselman, Bonus Episode
18:14
Enjoy a straight shot of Kirtan Kriya Meditation from Kundalini Yoga Instructor and Therapist, Kelly Inselman. That's fancy for coolness and calm. Who doesn't want that? Dive right in and give yourself the gift of practicing along - we guarantee a more regulated nervous system moment. Money back guarantee. :)
May 16, 2018
TU63: Living with Cancer – The Six Principles of Emotional Healing with Guest Kelly Inselmann
40:30
Cancer sucks, no way around it.  Learn how blending the principles of emotional healing and yoga can bring emotional, physical and relational support. No yoga required, the conversation itself is healing, and you'll also find a bonus mediation made specially for our listeners. Don't be scared of woo woo, it's easy and nourishing without any commitment. :)
May 10, 2018
TU62: The Luv Doc – Dating and Relationship Advice from the Trenches with Dan Hardick
51:44
Columnist Dan Hardick, the Luv Doc, has seen it all. Get his irreverent and bitingly honest insights on the dating scene and relationships that survive. He comes from the unique position of having decades of experience editing the Personal Ads and giving cringe-worthy dating advice with his column in the Austin Chronicle. Great insights and rowdy fun.
May 01, 2018
TU61: It’s Not Crazy, It’s a Solution to an Unsolvable Problem – Disorganized Attachment
36:06
The elusive 4th category of adult attachment, disorganization, and how this state of mind relates to everyone, no matter your trauma history.   Dropping into overwhelm and disorganization happens to everyone at times, and some more than others. When we have been exposed to serious danger, unresolved fright or major loss in such a way that it interferes with healthy coping patterns, we are left to our own to manage the world.  In research terms they call this disorganized, but we'd like to describe it as squirting squid ink to confuse who we think is the predator and making a run for it.  Wrapping up this 3-part series focusing specifically on adult attachment, Ann Kelley PhD and Sue Marriott LCSW, CGP discuss disorganized attachment, how it forms, how it appears in adult life, and how you can identify when you fall in a pocket of it to organize yourself internally and externally.  
Apr 24, 2018
TU60: Preoccupation in Relationships – Signs and Solutions to Anxious Attachment
34:32
Improve your sense of security and communicate more effectively with those you love by understand preoccupied/anxious attachment.  Learn to manage your body's reactivity in relationships by learning about this attachment tendency and how it relates to unconscious regulation of the brain. Sue Marriott LCSW, CGP and Ann Kelley PhD discuss and make the information practical for real world use.
Apr 16, 2018
TU59: Dismissing/Avoidant Styles of Relating in Adulthood,
36:12
This episode is especially for those "talk to the hand" kind of people, or those that love them.  You know, the uber-independent, rational, left-brain, excel spreadsheet person that sees others emotions as needy and weak. Co-hosts Sue Marriott LCSW, CGP and Ann Kelley PhD translate decades of research and clinical experience into easy to understand usable points to help you improve your understanding of why people appear so irrational at times.
Apr 03, 2018
TU58: Improving the Interpersonal World of the Internet for Both Kids and Adults with Guest Catherine Knibbs
01:02:44
Explore how we both build and damage connections as we engage in the online world.  We discuss the impact on developing minds and the interpersonal realm of young people and adults, including cyberbullying and cybertrauma.   Guest Catherine Knibbs
Mar 28, 2018
TU57: Healthy Dating for Women Who Love Women with Guest Pam Greenstone LPC
58:05
Dating bites (& no, that's not necessarily a complaint :)).  Learn to get out there and enjoy yourself as you peruse your choices.  This episode is for everyone – all genders and sexualities - but today we focus on same-sex oriented women in the LGBTQ community. 
Mar 12, 2018
TU56: How We Come to Define Ourselves, Attachment Research Over Decades with Guest Alan Sroufe
01:00:05
How does one come to see themselves and predict the world? That was the original question for researchers who have been studying attachment for over 40 years! Dr. Alan Sroufe tells us what his thoughts are now, many years and tons of data later, about how we find ourselves and relate to others.
Mar 06, 2018
TU55: Feeling Empty?  Demoralization and the Fight Back to Caring Again.
32:51
Hopelessness, loss of meaning, and existential distress – these are the characteristics not of depression as one might think, but of demoralization.  They are different syndromes with different directions for intervention. Find out more in this episode where co-hosts Ann Kelley PhD and Sue Marriott LCSW CGP discuss how transitioning from taking an active stance towards either situation can be beneficial. Learn how you can develop both internal and external coping mechanisms against demoralization. 
Feb 14, 2018
TU54: The Stress Response System (Attachment) Across the Lifespan
32:13
Neuroscience continues to document our ability to change and grow throughout our life. This episode takes a wide-angle look at attachment throughout one’s life, discusses how one’s environment affects their system’s involuntary response to stress, and how that stress response system impacts us from infancy to the autumn years.  Learn how to adjust set stress “pathways” and move towards more secure relating in adult relationships, and also unravel the parallels that exist between attachment in infants and the elderly. 
Jan 31, 2018
TU53: Complex Trauma and Managing Dysregulation with Guest Robyn Gobbel
41:04
Learn how to understand challenging histories and best address the complex trauma in your life, whether it be your own, your child or another loved one. Self-compassion, avoiding shame in parenting and addressing these issues in therapy are covered.  
Jan 17, 2018
TU52: Using Mindfulness, Movement and Yoga to Manage Arousal, with Guest Kelly Inselmann
46:54
Conquer your stress and worry using the neuroscience-backed techniques in this episode. Not woo-woo, movement and yoga can enhance the depth of your therapy and assist in reducing your upset no matter where you are. Also see the bonus track that accompanies this episode, a 12-minute high-quality meditation that you definitely want to give a try! Don't be scared, you may be surprised you like it.
Jan 08, 2018
TU52.5: Bonus Episode: Meditation to Reduce Stress and Worry
13:13
Neuroscience tells us that learning to manage our arousal through practice benefits our minds and body very quickly. This is a bonus episode designed to go with Episode 52 - this one is a straight 12-minute mindfulness meditation lead by yoga master and psychotherapist, Kelly Inselmann.
Jan 08, 2018
TU51: Conquer Shame by Understanding the Science Behind the Feeling, with Guest Expert, Dr. Steve Finn
59:26
Shame, the good, the bad and the ugly!  In this podcast, learn how to recognize the various forms of shame and how guilt can be an antidote to this pit in the stomach feeling.  Sue Marriott, Dr. Ann Kelley and guest Dr. Stephen Finn engage in a wide-ranging discussion about the least favorite feeling in most people – the collapsed feeling of shame!
Dec 15, 2017
TU50:  The Psychology of an Entrepreneur -Surprising Insights with Guest Krisztina ‘Z’ Holly
52:52
Get your own dormant entrepreneur inside of you excited with this podcast, which delves into the psychology of these successful leaders. Also find out how to increase the "luck" factor in getting your goals accomplished.  
Dec 07, 2017
TU49:  Five Strategies to Manage Intense Emotions & Why Emotional Regulation Matters
27:47
Become a master not a disaster at relationships! Quick tips to help you regulate emotions in yourself and others. Deepen your skills at deciphering these things we call feelings (ack!) and learn how to use this information to co-regulate yourself and those close to you.
Nov 28, 2017
TU48: Tensions Around #MeToo, Bridging Gender in This Conversation
59:10
Can healthy dialogue around the #MeToo phenomena cross genders? We explore the tensions felt by both men and women in their discussions around sexual harassment and assault and explore strategies for increasing understanding and connection.
Nov 21, 2017
TU47: Attachment Insecurity and Secure Parenting with Guest Tina Payne-Bryson
45:53
Those of us who haven't had it easy growing up aren't doomed to repeat our challenges with our own children. Learning about secure parenting can make us paranoid, but no worries -- there is a lot of leeway to get things generally right. Learn about the 4 S's of healthy relating in this podcast.
Oct 30, 2017
TU46: Redefining Infidelity: Guest Esther Perel on Love and Desire in Modern Relationships
50:36
Guest Esther Perel shares her research on love, desire and infidelity in modern relationships. Update your model of health and widen your perspective on the erotic, which is the difference between a relationship that just survives, and one that thrives!
Oct 24, 2017
TU45: Music, Emotion and Therapy: Interview with Bob Schneider, Austin Music Legend
01:03:28
Not only does Bob Schneider (professional musician and wicked Creative) share his navigation of emotion as he writes music, in this in-depth conversation he also shares personal stories about his therapy and recovery with Sue Marriott.  He goes on to describe mediocre versus great therapy, how to train your critical brain like your dog, and taking in tons of information like a whale and spitting out “song turds” from his unconscious. Blending anecdotal stories, neuroscience and attachment theory, this interview both entertains and educates. Bonus section:  Sue discusses an extended excerpt of Schneider’s song, “Let the Light In” from an attachment perspective.
Oct 18, 2017
TU44: Your Brain on Music: How Music Affects Your Mind, Memory and Happiness
34:45
Learn how to use music to improve brain health, manage mood, increase relational happiness and get tips on how to build neural plasticity through this art. Remember, it's not just cotton candy for the ears!
Oct 09, 2017
TU43: Sexual Vitality: Six Principles of Sexual Health with Doug-Braun Harvey (Part 2 of 2)
39:29
We continue our (sexy) conversation on ways to create sexual vitality throughout our lives. From honesty about our fantasies and desires, to sexual health and a new way of looking at addiction, this episode will get you thinking and hopefully sharing!
Sep 26, 2017
TU42: Sexual Vitality, Refreshing our Understanding of Sexual Health with Doug-Braun Harvey (Part 1 of 2)
52:03
Add pleasure to the notion of healthy sex and the whole conversation changes! In this very sexy conversation (earphones around little kids are good idea for this one!), we talk about the balance between pleasure and safety as a way to think of sexual health.   "Sexual debut" vs losing our virginity... wow, how fun is that shift in thinking, for example?
Sep 19, 2017
TU41: The Dark Side Of Therapy: Recognizing When The Therapeutic Relationship Goes Bad
39:53
Given that the single best predictor of therapy success lies in the relationship between therapist and client, what happens when that relationship becomes dysfunctional? In this episode, we discuss how to distinguish between therapy that gets hard in the process of healthy growth, versus therapy that causes strife and interpersonal distress. Lean how to identify if you are in trouble and what to do about it.
Aug 31, 2017
TU40: Meditation And Neuroplasticity Provide a Path To Healing: An Interview With Sarah Peyton
38:27
Learn how we can develop a compassionate inner voice to help us move toward self-love, emotional regulation and healing.
Aug 22, 2017
TU39: Getting What You Want From Therapy: The Essentials Of A Therapeutic Relationship
38:55
The single best predictor of therapy success-across different therapy models- lies in the relationship between therapist and client. Learn what this means and peek behind the note pad as three psychotherapists talk about love and hate in the therapeutic relationship.
Aug 14, 2017
TU38: The Blended Family: How to Create Strong and Lasting Step-Family Relationships
54:52
Moving into a home with non-related kids comes with predictable challenges for each part of the system. Jump the hurdles and move the system into security rather than chaos.
Jul 26, 2017
TU37: Organizing The Disorganized: Understanding The Elusive Attachment Category
26:10
How do we make sense of ourselves when we no longer make sense?
Jul 18, 2017
TU36: The Neuroscience Of Psychotherapy: An Interview With Louis Cozolino
31:45
Understand how psychotherapy works and how stimulating brain plasticity enhances its effectiveness
Jul 10, 2017
TU35: Sexuality From A Neurobiological Perspective
48:23
Sexologist expert Alexandra Katehakis discusses everything from sex ed to porn. Learn how to build vitality in your sex life!
Jun 29, 2017
TU34: Treating Attachment Difficulties with Dr. David Elliott -
50:21
Learn the 3 pillars of attachment security and how to heal from the inside-out. We cover quite a lot in this podcast, especially about treatment, but if that still isn’t enough, these show notes are PACKED with PDF’s of great material offered by Dr. Elliott! Below you will find 4 full PDF handouts about the salient ideas of their synthesis of treatment for adults with attachment disruptions.
Jun 21, 2017
TU33: Adverse Childhood Experiences: A Roadmap To Understanding And Treatment
17:52
“Witness Marks” from your biography that predict medical and mental health risk in your future
Jun 16, 2017
TU32: Mentalizing:Breaking Down A Critical Component For Secure Relating With Tina Adkins
56:05
The coolest thing about mentalizing is that it is teachable and can interrupt the transmission of insecure attachment with very low level interventions compared to years of psychotherapy.
May 24, 2017
TU31: Attachment on a Spectrum: Navigating Adult Insecurity and Security
39:43
Updated research on insecure adult attachment tells us these categories are more fluid than fixed. Begin to really get this down so we can build towards earned security.
May 17, 2017
TU30: The Stages of Change: A Roadmap to Readiness
27:30
We all know it doesn’t happen until we're ready for it, but that doesn’t stop us from trying to ram change down our loved one’s throat. This episode will help us be smarter, kinder, and more importantly, make change more effective for those we love.
May 10, 2017
TU29: Understanding Adolescent Self-Consciousness From A Brain-Wise Perspective
28:37
Remember your extreme adolescent self-consciousness? Today’s episode will bring us all up to speed on what’s going on in the teenage noggin and give us ideas about how to handle it.
May 03, 2017
TU28: Minding Anxiety: How To Reduce Noise In The System
35:17
We explore a three step process for finding relief from continuous worry and anxiety. Don't let your primitive brain hijack your emotions - this episode goes into more detail about the process of managing worry and anxiety.
Apr 28, 2017
TU27: Raising Secure Children With Guest Tina Payne Bryson
34:22
New York Times best-selling author Tina Payne Bryson shares her experience as a parent and clinician on parenting with the brain in mind.
Apr 18, 2017
TU26: Live Conversation With Austin In Connection About Interpersonal Neurobiology
37:20
Listen to our conversation with therapists from Austin In Connection - recorded live! We joined Austin In Connection for their Year of Conversations meeting to explore the foundations of relational sciences and interpersonal neurobiology.
Apr 03, 2017
TU25: Ping-Pong vs Catch: Turning Communication from Competition to Connection
30:30
The art of listening seems so easy on the surface but often proves challenging in our lives. Listening can create feelings of powerlessness and subordination that makes us act out in ways that we often don’t even recognize. Our brains are anticipation machines! By using two sports visualizations, learn how to turn communication into a game with two winners.
Mar 27, 2017
TU24: Grief And Our Body’s Wisdom On Surviving It With Candyce Ossefort-Russell
59:09
Demystifying what happens in our body and emotions when we experience grief and loss. Candyce Ossefort-Russell helps us explore how loss of an important person, relationship or role deregulates our nervous system and makes us feel like we are in danger. Grief is our bodies reaction to this violation. It is a natural process we need to go through to heal. We also look at how personal and idiosyncratic the process can be for each individual. Candyce makes recommendations on how we can help ourselves and others navigate this journey to a new self organization. We also look at how uncomfortable our culture is with grief.
Mar 20, 2017
TU23: Building Grit Through Self Compassion with Dr Kristin Neff
01:00:17
Self compassion includes fierce accountability and is essential to psychological health… who knew? Most of us think of it as being soft on yourself, but in this episode our guest will reveal the surprising power and science of self compassion.
Mar 01, 2017
TU22: Love Letter To Group Psychotherapy
09:29
Group therapist tell us why they love group therapy and why it is valuable to their clients
Feb 20, 2017
TU21: Reduce Drama in Your Life – Unpack The Victim Perpetrator Rescuer In Us All
21:49
Victim Perpetrator Rescuer? Rigid, self-defeating or even self-satisfying roles can limit our happiness in life at times. Learn more about theses three roles we all carry inside us and how we can transform them to make us stronger and happier. Our Karpman's triangle infographic will help explain this phenomenon.
Feb 13, 2017
TU20: Developing Racial Identity With Guests Rudy Lucas And Christine Schmidt
49:50
Help is here for having those uncomfortable conversations... like whether or not there such a thing as reverse-racism, what's going on when people ask about white lives matter, how is racism different than prejudice, developmental models of racial identity, colorism, self-hatred and so on. This is a rich dialog that will be an interesting, hopefully shame-free conversation starter. We hope you share this episode widely and follow up with discussions about what you think with one another, or take action with the resource section in the show notes. Thank you Christine Schmidt and Rudy Lucas for the inspiration and the conversation!
Feb 01, 2017
TU19: Increase Your Cool By Managing Your Ventral Vagal System
35:49
Tips and tricks to manipulate your nervous system by increasing perceived safety and disarming the sense of threat- the Polyvagal Theory revisited.
Jan 24, 2017
TU18: Polyvagal Theory: Understanding Irrational Threat Responses in Relationships
26:35
How fostering social engagement enhances health and wellbeing
Jan 18, 2017
TU17: The Biology of Motivation and Habits: Why We Drop the Ball
30:53
Why do we struggle to break and form habits? The neuroscience behind our fight to form and break habits.
Jan 11, 2017
TU16: Inside The Mind Of Dr Dan Siegel: An Interview
59:12
Join us as we talk with the founder of Interpersonal Neurobiology and listen to him explain how the mind doesn't just exist inside your skull.
Jan 04, 2017
TU15: Decoding The Science Of Interpersonal Neurobiology
32:42
Explained in plain speak. Unpack the complicated science behind the brain the mind and secure relating.
Dec 13, 2016
TU14: How To Handle Post Election Tensions: Tips For The Holidays And Beyond
35:54
The surprising election results ave created deep passions which threaten to upend families, divide neighbors and strain work relationships. Understand powerful political passions and how to navigate them.
Nov 21, 2016
TU13: Our Powerful Fascination With Narcissism In The Era Of Trump
57:06
In-depth discussion on narcissism in our current political climate with Dr Leonard Cruz and Dr Steven Buser
Nov 04, 2016
TU12: If It’s Not Good For You, It’s Not Good for Us: Interview With Relationship Expert Stan Tatkin
55:21
Healthy relating to your family, partner and friends isn’t always easy. Learn why and what you can do to make it go smoother.
Nov 01, 2016
TU11: Gain Influence and Balance Power in Important Relationships
29:47
Understanding the difference between feeling controlled and being infuenced. How to not be a doormat or a bully in important connections.
Oct 27, 2016
TU10: The 7 Circuits of Emotion: What Animals Can Teach Us about Human Relating
31:31
Get your squeak on! The rat tickler's research on human emotions.
Oct 11, 2016
TU09: Minding Your Relationship: Three Mindfulness Exercises to Practice With Your Partner
24:03
Learn specific tips on engaging with your partner that can immediately increase relationship satisfaction for both of you.
Oct 04, 2016
TU08: Understanding Emotional Triggers: Why Your Buttons Get Pushed and What To Do About It
27:41
Therapists explain the neuroscience behind emotional over-reactivity.
Sep 28, 2016
TU07: What is Group Therapy and 5 Reasons You Should Try It
18:46
One of the most terrifying treatment modalities explained.
Sep 19, 2016
TU06: How Attachment Impacts Adult Relationships (continued) Part 2: Attachment 102 Part 2
25:55
This isn’t parent-blaming, it’s compassionate truth-telling so we can do it right this go round.
Sep 08, 2016
TU05: How Attachment Impacts Adult Relationships: Attachment 101 Part 1
33:11
It’s been a long time since I was a kid so how could it possibly matter how I was raised?
Sep 08, 2016
TU04: A Simple Technique to Reduce Stress and Worry: Mindful Awareness Practice in Action
05:52
This is a very short episode that demonstrates a simple but very powerful technique that improves neural integration and reduces stress
Aug 29, 2016
TU03: Different Sex Drives: Are We Screwed?
43:16
Most couples don't match up perfectly when it comes to their sexual desires. What happens next? Understanding sexuality, emotions and sexual desire in long-term relationships can help keep the fires burning and help keep conflict, or drift, at bay.
Aug 21, 2016
TU02: Brain Science 101: How Understanding Your Brain Can Improve Your Relationship
27:53
Learn how to outsmart your brain and steer towards security. We will unpack the three specific brain structures that affect our sense of well-being and our relationships.
Aug 14, 2016
Brain Science & Communication
32:41
Learn why communicating your feelings doesn't lead to your partner changing and why your belief that it should creates havoc.
Aug 07, 2016