Where Should We Begin? with Esther Perel

By Esther Perel Global Media & Gimlet

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Reviews: 13

 Nov 3, 2020

 Jul 18, 2020

 Jun 27, 2020

 Mar 20, 2020

 Nov 8, 2019


Listen to the incomparable therapist Esther Perel counsel real couples as they reveal the most intimate, personal, and complicated details of the conflicts that have brought them to her door. This season, she takes on open marriage, racism inside an extended family, coming out in a religious home, and chronic infidelity, among other delicate dynamics. Esther creates a space for us to hear our own lives and struggles articulated in the stories of others. So....where should we begin?

Episode Date
On Again/Off Again
They've been on and off for almost 20 years. While she takes cares of his and their child, she wants to know that he's also there for her. He's been battling depression for years. And the shame that comes with it.
Sep 10, 2020
Trapped in Their Own Story
Their whole relationship is based on one big misunderstanding, with infidelity and blame on both sides. Years later, they still can't see the other's perspective. Programming note: This conversation was recorded after the COVID-19 lockdown.
Sep 03, 2020
Burdens of the Family
They share a legacy of war, a refugee upbringing, and family trauma. Their marriage was seen as taboo, and now they're trying to build a happier relationship for their child. Programming note: This conversation was recorded before the COVID-19 lockdown.
Aug 27, 2020
He Loves Her, His Family Rejects Her
She left her life, her family and her country for a man she met on Reddit. Their love is real, but his family has been hell. Programming note: This conversation was recorded before the COVID-19 lockdown.
Aug 20, 2020
When I'm Manic I Cheat
Bipolar, infidelity, open relationships: they're stuck in a world of loaded words. Her friends are convinced she should leave, but she doesn't want to follow in her mother's footsteps. Programming note: This conversation was recorded before the COVID-19 lockdown.
Aug 13, 2020
It's Very Hard to Live with a Saint
Barely a year into marriage, they're trapped in a cycle of explosive conflict. She can do no right, and he can do no wrong. Programming note: This conversation was recorded before the COVID-19 lockdown.
Aug 06, 2020
In This Relationship What Is "I" and What Is "We"?
They grew up with traumatic backgrounds, met in college and immigrated to the U.S. together. They've built stability and security, and now one of them longs for more freedom. Programming note: This conversation was recorded before the COVID-19 lockdown.
Jul 23, 2020
The Chronic Philanderer
He's been cheating on her for years, and she's had enough. Now she wants to know: is he in or is he out? Programming note: This conversation was recorded before the COVID-19 lockdown.
Jul 16, 2020
You Want Me To Watch The Kids While You Go Out With Another Guy?
They met as religious teenagers and married as virgins. It's the age old story — once you're allowed to be intimate, you no longer want to be. Deciding to open the marriage has brought about huge changes in their sex life, and ruptures in their emotional one. Programming note: This conversation was recorded before the COVID-19 lockdown.
Jul 09, 2020
What Would It Take For You to Come Out?
Four years in, she can't admit she's attracted to her girlfriend, and her family still doesn't know. Programming note: This conversation was recorded before the COVID-19 lockdown.
Jul 09, 2020
Season Four Trailer
A new season of Where Should We Begin? With Esther Perel.
Jun 18, 2020
Couples Under Lockdown: Lagos, Nigeria
Last summer they left everything they'd built in Seattle for a chance at a very different life. He took a dream turn to expand his company and be closer to home; she gave up her nursing job to manage their girls and explore new horizons abroad. COVID-19 hits as they watch the fate of other countries, knowing if it reaches Nigeria with a population of more than 200 million people, it will be devastating. They've been offered a chance to go home, but to what? Leaving Nigeria would mean walking away from everything, but staying could be more than either signed up for. Esther speaks to the couple as Africa begins easing restrictions.
May 14, 2020
Couples Under Lockdown: New York, New York
They have three kids and their volatile marriage has fallen apart. She still hopes to rebuild. He can't get out of there fast enough. Two weeks before COVID-19 forced New Yorkers to shelter in place, they filed for divorce. Now they feel trapped. If he goes he risks not seeing his kids for weeks. If he stays he worries it will thwart his plans to finally leave. Esther urges them to think about this present time together and not about what kind of future they will have apart. 
Apr 16, 2020
Couples Under Lockdown: Bavaria, Germany
For the last year they have lived in separate countries. She took a dream job closer to where she grew up in Germany and he stayed behind with the promise he would follow soon. Six months turned into a year, which turned into a conversation that questioned the foundation of their marriage. It took the coronavirus to get them back under one roof again. While others might complain about the close quarters, this couple hopes to find themselves in each other again. Esther pushes them to worry less about the love that was, and focus now on the love that is.
Apr 02, 2020
Couples Under Lockdown: Sicily, Italy
They left each other emotionally years ago, but with three kids they have been trying to keep it together. For the last two weeks they find themselves confined to a small apartment in Sicily, Italy — he bears the brunt of the domestic duties at home all day. She must report to the hospital every day to help usher in new life as a midwife. Esther helps them come to terms with what these next few months could look like if they learn to communicate with one another in ways that might save their relationship.
Mar 24, 2020
Esther Perel's New Show: How's Work?
Today we’re sharing the first episode of Esther Perel’s new show How’s Work? In it, Esther sits down with coworkers, cofounders and colleagues, and brings her inimitable perspective to workplace relationships and conflicts. You can listen to all episodes right now for free on Spotify and weekly everywhere else. https://smarturl.it/hows-work In this episode, friends and fellow dancers at a strip club: one brings years of experience, the other a youthful energy that turns angry at times. They’re here to talk about boundaries that are crossed, educating “civilians" about their work, family acceptance, and how they'll transition from the sex work industry into professional careers. Can sex work be a bullet point on a resume?
Feb 26, 2020
Happily Divorced
They’re a divorced couple whose two-household relationship may prove that a happy family doesn’t have to end with divorce.
Nov 21, 2019
Mom and Monique
They’re a child desperate to connect with their single mother after 28 years of living in the shadow of a special-needs brother.
Nov 14, 2019
A Romantic Revival
He’s away a lot. She’s a stepmother at home to four children whose mother died by suicide. Is there anything left over for her?
Nov 07, 2019
The Other Woman
She wonders if she can satisfy her attraction to women without losing the husband she loves.
Oct 31, 2019
A Small Town Affair
Their relationship started with an affair that ended two marriages. Now they wonder if there’s enough trust there to build something stable together.
Oct 24, 2019
Young Love
She lives in Mexico, he lives in the US. Their immigration status has forced them to consider marriage sooner than they might have planned.
Oct 17, 2019
Season Three Trailer
A new season of Where Should We Begin?
Mar 08, 2019
I Don't Want to Be Your Caregiver, I Want to Be Your Wife
 Almost two years ago her husband was diagnosed with early onset Parkinson's Disease. They have three kids, a mortgage to pay, and he has developed some compulsive behaviors he isn't proud of. Esther helps them learn how to turn off the caregiver, and remember they are much more than that to each other.
Apr 27, 2018
I've Had 100 Conversations with You in My Head
[Contains mature themes] After a discovery in her doctor's office, a woman realizes her husband has been unfaithful. While betrayed and angry, she still feels a desire to stick it out for the sake of the kids. He, meanwhile, is desperate to find a way back to her. Esther takes them back to their upbringings and the years before the infidelities to find a place of mutual compassion.
Apr 20, 2018
You Can Be Right or You Can Be Married
[Contains mature themes] They’ve been together for more than a decade, but this isn’t the first time they’ve separated. Stuck in a cycle of explosive escalations, a husband and wife want to make it work but can’t break their habit of going for the emotional jugular. Esther encourages them to start their conversations differently.
Apr 13, 2018
Questions You Aren't Allowed to Ask
[Contains mature themes] What began as an eight-year affair between two women has stretched into a 19-year partnership. But despite their private commitment to one another, they’ve never quite managed to move beyond the shame of their origin story. Esther takes a novel approach to revealing a long-held secret.
Apr 06, 2018
Leaving the Shame Behind
A young couple has endured a series of crises early in their marriage, from a benign brain tumor to a serious car crash to the husband’s near-fatal heart attack. Following his recovery, he’s adapting to new physical limitations, while she says the children bear the brunt of his frustrations. Esther coaches them through an honest conversation on anger, parenthood and the power of apology.
Mar 30, 2018
Ms. Entitlement and Mr. Sacrifice Out On a Date
[Contains mature themes] An on-again, off-again couple in their fifties, dating in a post-divorce landscape, are struggling with different world views, priorities and sexual interests. Recognizing that their polarized dynamic takes the fun out of spending time together, Esther guides both towards less rigid perspectives.
Mar 23, 2018
I Want to Feel Wanted
After ten years, a husband tells his wife he no longer wishes to be married. A month later, stuck in limbo, they come to Esther. She helps them have an honest conversation about their expectations, desires, and the ways in which their role as parents has left little room for intimacy.
Mar 16, 2018
You Need Help to Help Her
[Contains mature themes] A husband and wife are united in their desire to help their daughter, two years after she suffered a breakdown and moved home, shutting herself off from her family and friends. Esther urges them to examine the way pressure and expectations – no matter how well-intentioned – can shape a child’s upbringing.
Mar 09, 2018
I Can’t Give You a Child
[Contains mature themes] A woman realizes she doesn’t want to have children and comes to Esther for help expressing this to her husband, who passionately wishes to be a father. But often the stories people come in with are not the ones they take home.
Dec 01, 2017
Trauma Doesn’t Like to be Touched
[Contains mature themes] A newly-married couple comes to Esther for guidance on how to create a space of safety and physical intimacy, while also giving voice to past trauma.
Nov 24, 2017
[Contains mature themes] A couple are first-generation children of immigrants, raised to believe sex should only take place in a marriage. Now that sex isn’t forbidden, it’s deeply uninteresting…to one of them.
Nov 17, 2017
Tell Me I'm Not Alone
[Contains mature themes] A young family, a ten-year age difference, and a wife who found independence through an extra-marital relationship. They’ve decided to forgive and rebuild, but the pain of the betrayal remains.
Nov 10, 2017
There's You There's Me and There's Us
[Contains mature themes] They have been together for 17 years, best friends and partners who, despite their loving and positive relationship, go months without connecting sexually. 
Nov 03, 2017
Impotent Is No Way to Define a Man
[Contains Mature themes.] A man has struggled with impotence for over two decades. His wife, in despair over her feelings of hopelessness in the bedroom, seeks relief for her sexual frustration and feelings of resentment. 
Oct 27, 2017
The Addict
[Contains mature themes] They’re grandparents, with a 40-year love story and a stable, happy marriage. But one of them had quite a few secrets. Esther gives them some tools to navigate and support each other's experiences.
Oct 20, 2017
Speak to Me in French
[Contains mature themes] A husband and wife met while deeply committed to the evangelical faith and didn’t kiss until their wedding day; for her, that kiss felt like “kissing her brother.” Esther gets creative in an effort to help them create a new sexual relationship.
Oct 08, 2017
Motherless Women
[Contains mature themes] A couple with two small children are at physical and emotional odds in their relationship. One has given herself over entirely to the children, while the other struggles to find her place within the family dynamic. Esther helps them reframe each of their roles in terms of what they uniquely contribute.
Oct 08, 2017
I've Had Better
[Contains mature themes] He reached out because a year after the discovery of his affair, they aren’t fighting anymore, but they certainly haven’t moved on. Esther guides them towards a more honest conversation, and a revelation about their communication.
Oct 08, 2017
Step into iconic relationship therapist Esther Perel’s office and listen as 10 anonymous couples in search of insight bare the raw, intimate, and profound details of their story. From infidelity to sexlessness to loss, it’s a space for people to be heard and understood. It’s also a place for us to listen and feel empowered in our own relationships. So…where should we begin?
May 17, 2017