The Betchelor

By Betches Media

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Category: Comedy

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Betches brings you their brand new podcast, The Betchelor, presented by Betches Media. The Betchelor is a hilarious weekly podcast hosted by their Social Media Producer, Kay Brown and Derek Peth who was on Jojo's season of The Bachelorette and season 4 of Bachelor in Paradise. We'll be discussing and making fun of the ridiculous things the contestants say and do during the latest episodes and of course play Would You Rather and Shoot F*ck Marry: Bachelor Edition. For more info check out Betches.com or their popular Instagram, @ betches.

Episode Date
#27 Goodbye Blake, Hello Paradise
00:39:29
Kay and Derek are back with 5 hours of Bachelor Television rolled into one action packed podcast. They discuss the “Bachelorette” finale and it’s few surprises. At 6:10 Derek explains that Blake got screwed by being the second guy to meet Becca’s family. At 17:00 they discuss ABC’s attempt to address Garrett’s love for racist memes and whether or not his apology was sincere. At 20:00 they move into “Bachelor In Paradise” and their first impressions of the cast. At 29:00 Derek spills the tea on what happened during his season of ‘Paradise’. Who’s bunk bed did he steal? Who ruined the most microphones? Why is everyone wearing puka shells?
Aug 08, 2018
#26 Men Tell All: A.K.A. Talk A Lot Of Sh*t Ft. Jordan Kimball
00:45:00
Kay and Derek are joined by everyone’s favorite male model, Jordan Kimball, to discuss the “Men Tell All”. At 2:15, Jordan explains where he gets his analogies from and how he plans to elevate them to a “biblical” level in the future. At 4:20, they mention that Lincoln is missing from the episode and Jordan spills some tea about what it was like to bunk with him. At 8:00, Derek can’t understand why Colton called out Jordan on the Tell All. Jordan doesn’t seem to care, he’s just hoping that Colton can embrace being a virgin and be comfortable in his own skin. At 15:31, Kay says she’s disappointed with this year’s glow ups, which gives Jordan an opportunity to defend his glow up strategy. At 27:00, Kay and Derek confess their love for Joe The Grocer and Jordan explains that he and Joe bro out extremely hard in the upcoming “Bachelor in Paradise”.
Jul 31, 2018
#25 Fantasy Suites: Where Everyone Hooks Up In The Same Bed
00:42:14
Betches gives a rose to your new hosts of The Betchelor, Kay Brown and Derek Peth! Kay and Derek sink their teeth into Tour Guide Becca’s Thailand adventure with the boys. At 7:33, they talk about Becca ruining this week's episode by saying she’s in love with Blake and Garrett, but only falling in love with Jason….bye Jason! Derek explains that most of these contestants are only with the Bachelor/Bachelorette for 15 hours before they get engaged. At 13:33, Kay can’t get over how obsessed Blake is over Becca. Blake is stuttering, sweating and twitching like a Becca addict. At 17:30, they talk about Becca’s cricket dinner with Jason which turns out to be his last meal. At 24:00, Derek explains his theory that Jason is positioning himself to be the next Bachelor. At 25:50, they talk about Becca going river rafting with boring Garrett. At 29:14, Derek speaks about his very public breakup with Taylor and gives the listeners some breakup advice of his own.
Jul 24, 2018
#24 Blake's Mom Needs a Haircut
00:35:20
This week Aleen and Jordana are joined by the host of 1010 WINS “The Trend”, Rebecca Granet. It’s Hometown Date Week and there’s a lot to discuss. Is Becca’s stylist doing a bad job? Rebecca gives Garrett the award for biggest letdown of the season. Despite being from Buffalo, they agree that Jason’s stock is rising, while Blake’s mom makes him sound like a loser. At 28:50, it’s time for Colton’s sex ed class with Chris Harrison. Finally, at 34:00, they discuss who the next Bachelor might be.
Jul 17, 2018
#23 Becca Has No Good Options
00:33:38
Aleen says this was a good episode but nothing really happened at all. They talk about Garrett and his love for racist memes - Becca still doesn't know. They move onto Colton and how he's a virgin that can't drive. Isn't it cruel that they took him on a boat making sexual conk puns? Aleen finds him boyish. Sami is confused at why sports and football would preclude him from having sex. They theorize that he's gay because guys pretty much only want to have sex. So what's the deal, Colton? This is not to say all of the other guys aren't flawed as they definitely are. Blake, Colorado is not the state with the most sunshine. Jason has nothing to say. All in all, Becca got stuck with a bad lot. Discussing Garrett's beliefs, they talk about the male tendency to reduce a woman's action to a thing women in general do. They wrap up making predictions about the end of the season.
Jul 10, 2018
#22 Is Lincoln The Dorit of Bachelor Nation? Ft. Alexis Waters
00:30:48
Jordana and Aleen are joined by Alexis Waters to talk about this and past seasons of the Bachelor. She talks about listing her job as "Aspiring dolphin trainer", how she had to go with a shark costume, and mentions that she wouldn't "boom" anyone on this season. They move onto this season and agree that Jason is the frontrunner. Nobody likes Chris. Jordana thinks he seems like an angry Ben Stiller and/or Eddie, the crazy roommate from friends. Lincoln got sent home, but who cares? Sometimes Bachelorettes have really good style and other times their name is Becca. They wrap up talking about Scallops Girl.
Jul 03, 2018
#21 Jordan is a Real Life Derek Zoolander
00:30:20
Sami and Jordana have gotten complaints that they don't actually like the show, but they can't help it if it's objectively bad. They talk about Vegas - is it the perfect place to fall in love or the exact opposite? Sami views Becca's approval of Colton as obligatory. After, they move onto the Wayne Newton portion of the episode. Hopefully, one day we can live in a world where contestants don't have to write songs (or Google Wayne Newton). They talk about Jordan and his preoccupation with his skin care, hair care, and the gym. At 22:39, they play some games including "Shoot, fuck, marry" Jordan, Chris and David. And don't miss: Would you rather have sex with Wayne Newton or Chicken?
Jun 26, 2018
#20 There Was Nothing Better Than Watching Jean Blanc Spiral
00:38:59
Aleen sits down with Tyler Gilden to discuss this season of the Bachelor. They talk about Garrett (and his questionable likes on Instagram). After they move onto to group dates. Then they talk about Jean Blanc’s massive downward spiral. Finally, they move onto Becca’s blah date with Wills. Don’t miss ample roasting of David. Like, who falls off a bed?
Jun 19, 2018
#19 We Wish We Had Seen Chicken Fall Off The Bunk Bed
00:33:04
Aleen debuts on the Betchelor for this season of Bachelorette. She's mainly relieved that no one is saying, “Let’s do the damn thing." She and Jordana discuss Jordan, who may be good looking, but how often does he get a SECOND date? Everyone on the show is officially a climber. The Colton and Tia drama is ridiculous, but not as ridiculous as the faceplant situation with Chicken. Chris talks like a robot. They wrap up going over Becca's likely top 4 and talking shit about Arie.
Jun 12, 2018
#18 Behind the Scenes Tell All Feat. Corinne Olympios
00:28:46
Sami and Jordana are joined by Bachelor favorite Corinne Olympios to talk about this season and more. Regarding last night: the group dates are cheesy and the guys are overly dramatic. It all feels like sleep-away camp. And the forced meet ups with former contestants are way too much. They also talk about Corinne’s beef with Taylor and how the producers are milking stories just a bit too much (could it be the lack of breakout talent?). If you’ve ever wanted to know who Corinne was friends with and who she was ready to back stab at a moment’s notice, it’s a must-listen.
Jun 05, 2018
#17 Is There a Giant Group Chat When The Bachelor Ends? Feat. Andi Dorfman
00:30:36
Sami and Jordana sit down with former Bachelorette Andi Dorfman to kick off Becca’s season. They discuss what it’s like to be the lead, and how life changes after the show ends and you have a million new insta followers. They touch on Ashley and Jared’s new relationship, Andi’s old relationships, the pros and cons of going on the show, and if the guys are really getting worse every season or it just seems that way. What’s it really like on the first night? How do you remember everyone’s names? Why does it seem like the contestants only hang out with each other after the season ends? These answers and more on this new episode of the Betchelor.
May 29, 2018
#16 After the Final Rose with Bekah M, Kendall, and Amy Kaufman
00:50:57
Jordana and Sami meet with Bekah M. and Kendall. They talk sororites, eating on location during the Bachelor, and Kendall's love for dead animals. Bekah is wearing the circular earrings that Arie put his fingers through. After, they interview the author of Bachelor Nation who gives them a look behind the scenes of this season (and who can't stand Arie as much as the rest of us).
Mar 08, 2018
#15 Arie Deserves Borin' Lauren
00:33:31
Jordana and Aleen discuss the season finale of The Bachelor. Arie and Becca's awkward, silence-ridden end was emphatically undramatic. Aleen felt nothing. Arie's choosing of Lauren proves that exactly what everyone predicted: Arie just wants a 'hot dumb blonde bitch.' The most she ever opened up was her saying, "I want our dogs to meet." Arie's sole criteria appears to be that Lauren is very hot, which she is, but c'mon. Needless to say, they spend the whole episode criticizing Arie because as it turns out, his creepy hands were one of his better traits. Enjoy life with borin' Lauren, Arie- though we hope she turns you down.
Mar 06, 2018
#14 Is It Still a Fantasy Suite if Arie's In It?
00:44:22
Sami and Aleen discuss the Women Tell All and Fantasy Suites episodes, since rebranded as the “Romantic Overnight Date” episode. Sami quips that the first thing that stood about the Women Tell All episode is that the show was much better without Arie. Aleen then discusses a Betches controversy; Arie blocked @betchesluvthis on Twitter, so the drama is real.
Feb 27, 2018
#13 We Are Living in a Bachelor Totalitarian State
00:29:25
Jordana and Sami discuss the massive amount of Bachelor programming (six hours a week!). Jordana mentions that picking the person to vote off on the Bachelor Winter Games was a bit mean-spirited. Then they talk about the role of race, with several pointed critiques. After, they go over this week’s episode. Arie visits several of the contestants hometowns, and let’s just say: they’re weren’t all for him.
Feb 20, 2018
#12 Arie Likes Girls That Aren’t Into Him With Taylor Nolan
00:49:25
Jordana and Aleen are joined by Taylor Nolan from the next season of the Bachelor and Bachelor in Paradise. She’s engaged to Derek. She talks about their relationship and how they met in June and were engaged about two months later. She also expresses how much crazy action was taken out of the Bachelor, including Derek licking her armpit. Taylor also talks about her sobriety and how crazy things could get on location (including Derek’s first night where he got totes blackout). After, they move on to how Arie is cute, but weird nonetheless.
Feb 13, 2018
#11 Why Does Arie Hate Smart Women?
00:34:44
The contestants head to Paris in a highly-sponsored boat, everyone has intimacy issues, and Arie's love of under-30 women is called out once again, all on this week's episode of the Betchelor. As much as it hurts to think about, Lauren B.'s and Arie's awkward date must be discussed. Is Krystal's voice the only sane thing left? Actually, no... and there goes Jordana's bracket.
Feb 06, 2018
#10 How Awkward is Arie's Entire Body!?
00:37:06
Sami and Aleen talk about this week’s ep of the Bachelor. The gang heads to Ft. Lauderdale, but the contestants don’t seem to realize that those yachts aren’t Arie’s. As Sami puts it, “It’s just a show. When it’s your life, you’ll be going into debt with Arie as he runs out of Instagram endorsements.” The gentle Ft. Lauderdale breeze can’t soothe that kind of brutality. Sami and Aleen also agree they wouldn’t give up caring for their boyfriend’s niece or their Boston Terrier to be on the Bachelor.
Jan 30, 2018
#9 Krystal Speaks in Inspirational Instagram Captions
00:34:25
Sami and Aleen cover this week’s episode of The Bachelor. Krystal’s voice is again a target, but her tendency to give speeches consisting of empty inspirational quotes shows that her weird voice is actually one of her better traits. She has issues. Aleen can’t stop cringing when Arie makes his moves, particularly on a certain 22-year-old. They conclude that Bekah actually has more maturity and poise than just about everyone, especially Arie. They wrap things up talking about glam-shaming, the controversial practice of calling people out for being too hot.
Jan 23, 2018
#8 Arie Just Eliminated Everyone Over 30
00:33:50
This week on The Betchelor, Jordana and Aleen discuss the fact that Arie thinks with his penis and has eliminated all of the older contestants. They talk about his weird kissing with Bekah M during the wrestling date and how young she is, the awkward Napa date with Lauren S., and Annaliese’s mental breakdown. They play "Shoot, BFF, Party With" with Bibiana, Krystal, and Annaliese and talk about how old is too old to go on The Bachelor.
Jan 16, 2018
#7 Krystal’s Voice is a Combo of a Porn Star and a Fairy Princess
00:32:14
On this week’s episode of The Betchelor, Jordana and Aleen discuss Krystal’s annoying voice and creepy hometown date. They talk about Arie pretty woman-ing Bekah M, Annaliese’s absurd bumper car freak-out, and the showdown between Bibiana and Krystal. Finally, they play 'Shoot, BFF, Party With' with Siene, Bibiana, and Chelsea and discuss which of the awkward first dates they’d prefer in real life.
Jan 09, 2018
#6 Everyone on this Season is an Instagram Model In Training
00:30:46
On their premiere episode for this season, Samantha and Jordana discuss why Arie is a skeevy bachelor. They name their top 5 moments from this episode and discuss this week’s contestants at length. They play Shoot Fuck Marry with Arie, Nick Viall, and DeMario Jackson and discuss how much they’d have to be paid to have ABC air their wedding on national television.
Jan 02, 2018
#5 Someone Get Dean A Therapist ASAP
00:33:48
The Betches discuss thew sea on finale of Bachelor in Paradise, the new Bachelor Arie, and play shoot fuck marry with ridiculous scenarios
Sep 12, 2017
#4 And The Next Bachelor Is..
00:27:46
The Betches discuss the remaining couples on Bachelor in Paradise, the fact that Dean is not going to be the next Bachelor, our predictions for who it will be, and answer a listener email about meeting Daniel in person. We play would you rather about Taylor and Ben and Scallops and Jack Stone and end with a round of Shoot Fuck Marry
Sep 06, 2017
#3 The Three Eyed Raven
00:32:29
We break down all the relationships, the Corinne tell all, and play games with Bachelor contestants
Aug 30, 2017
#2 Everybody Loves Raven
00:28:25
Topics include Dean's f*ckboy behavior, Lacey's thirst, Evan and Carly's "journey to love", the DeMario/Corinne sexual assault scandal, and how Raven is the hero of the season. And we obviously play Bachelor edition games
Aug 23, 2017
#1 The Best Bachelor In Paradise Podcast You’ll Ever Listen To
00:33:32
The Betches discuss the Bachelor in Paradise scandal and how ABC handled it. They discuss Carly & Evan’s wedding and break down the blossoming couples on the show so far. Finally, the play Shoot Fuck Marry using absurd BiP contestants.
Aug 16, 2017