Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet

By Alex and Christine Schiefer

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Category: Comedy

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Subscribers: 120
Reviews: 1


 Apr 16, 2019

Description

A comedy podcast featuring dramatic readings of one-star reviews written by real people with not-so-real problems.

Episode Date
38: McDonald's Restaurants in Billings, MT
3271
This episode is dedicated to all the Tonys out there! Gather your escargatoire, put the salt away, and unfriend all Pauls, because it's time for another exploration of awful reviews and the people who write them. Support us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy to fulfill our dream of chatting with you live on video. Or check out our new merch designs in our online store at shop.spreadshirt.com/beachtoosandy. Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD and tyops. Use coupon code BEACH for $10 off your first box at www.fabfitfun.com #fabfitfunpartner --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app
Aug 14, 2019
Between You And Us: Episode 7
2712

Slip on some lulus, take a sip of yuppie crack, and dive into another week of crazy reviews sent in by you! Whether your name is Shinny or Sheenad, you'll enjoy this exploration of awful reviews and the people who write them. 

Support us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy to fulfill our dream of chatting with you live on video. Or check out our new merch designs in our online store at shop.spreadshirt.com/beachtoosandy.

Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White.

Music by PSOVOD and tyops.

--- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app
Aug 12, 2019
37: Dollar Stores in Birmingham, AL
2997

Hello sweet children of a friend of ours, we hope you're having the BDE. Unfortunately ours is the WDE, because our Hot Bunz aren't working and Christine won't let Alex sell his Ten Renaissance Paintings. While we figure this mess out, please enjoy another exploration of awful reviews and the people who write them. Otherwise, bad karma is going to happen to you.

Support us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy to fulfill our dream of chatting with you live on video. Or check out our new merch designs in our online store at shop.spreadshirt.com/beachtoosandy.

Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White.
Music by PSOVOD and tyops.

--- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app
Aug 07, 2019
36: Banks in Charlotte, NC
3617

Welcome to Christine's Unnamed Game Show featuring Skeeve Harvey! In this episode, we cover finance, art history, sports, and rats. And Christine gives us some fascinating insight into her life: she's been to a bank. So enjoy our exploration of awful reviews and the people who write them, now playing on a little girl's YouTube channel.

Support us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy to fulfill our dream of chatting with you live on video!

Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White.
Music by PSOVOD, tyops, dr_skitz, Adam_N, noah0189, oldedgar, qubodup, parkersenk, and Mrthenoronha.

--- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app
Jul 31, 2019
35: Souvenir Shops in Atlantic City, NJ
4266
Alex: *loudly and desperately* "I FOLLOWED NONE OF THAT, BUT I HATED ALL OF THAT" *breaks into a sweat* Christine: *pulls up barstool* "EEK!!" *clinks glass* We hope you enjoy another exploration of awful reviews and the people who write them, because Alex sure didn't. Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD, Okko Bekker, and tyops.  --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app
Jul 24, 2019
34: Walmarts in Sioux Falls, SD
3356
Calling all Walmartians! We came out of our basement to bring you an episode chock full of glory holes and racism. But don't worry, Christine left her teen greeters down there with the hair and stains. Needless to say, we hope you enjoy another exploration of awful reviews and the people who write them.  Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD and tyops.  --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app
Jul 17, 2019
33: Bars in Columbus, OH
2856

In this week's episode we visit bars in Columbus to perfect our espionage techniques. It turns out, Christine is not a master criminal. Flip on your DB Cooper Baby Monitor and enjoy another exploration of awful reviews and the people who write them. 

Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White.

Music by PSOVOD, rodeoclash, ddmyzik, and tyops. 

--- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app
Jul 10, 2019
Between You And Us: Episode 6
2691

We've intercepted Bob Schieffer's emails to bring you this very important episode. He'd probably give this podcast 0 bombs if he could.  But we hope the rest of you enjoy another exploration of awful reviews and the people who write them, but ones our lovely listeners sent us!

If you'd like to submit a funny review, email us at beachtoosandy@gmail.com with "Between You And Us" in the subject line.

Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White.

Music by PSOVOD and tyops.

--- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app
Jul 08, 2019
32: Sporting Goods Stores in Anchorage, AK
2504

We're bringing you another episode of Beach Too Sandy! We explore the sporting goods stores of Anchorage and get diplomatic about Alaskan weather. Then, Alex reads reviews written by the hardest criminals around: accidental thieves. Before we release our album of jump rope rhymes, enjoy another exploration of awful reviews and the people who write them. 

Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White.

Music by PSOVOD, jimrsbjorklund, and tyops. 

--- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app
Jul 03, 2019
31: Breweries in Little Rock, AR
3646
Grab your tweens and make them listen to our wildest episode yet! Something is absolutely in the water supply and it's not making anyone more sane. Hear what the drunk people of Little Rock are saying about their local breweries, then hear what the conspiracy theorists are saying about Disney World. There's truly something for everyone in this episode, so enjoy another exploration of awful reviews and the people who write them.  Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD, Modification1089, and tyops. --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app
Jun 26, 2019
30: Crab Houses in Baltimore, MD
3309

Hi! We’re new and we don’t know a lot. What we do know is that these reviews are ridiculous as always. We read reviews written by some very crabby people and then Alex proves that Southern California has the best convicts. Please enjoy another exploration of awful reviews and the people who write them.

Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White.

Music by PSOVOD and tyops.

--- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app
Jun 19, 2019
Between You And Us: Episode 5
2578

A Beach Too Sandy love story: We love you very much and we will never hurt you.

Come join us as we dive into our email inbox and read the best of the best citizen reviews!

If you'd like to submit a funny review, email us at beachtoosandy@gmail.com with "Between You And Us" in the subject line.

Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White.

Music by PSOVOD and tyops.

--- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app
Jun 17, 2019
29: Movie Theaters in Providence, RI
3109
We're back with another episode for your listening displeasure. We read the worst reviews of movie theaters in Providence, RI, and Christine reads reviews written from the perspective of pets. I mean, who would want to miss hearing Christine channel her new friend Martin Van Purren? Oh, you? Well then go away. As for the rest of you, please enjoy another exploration of awful reviews and the people who write them.   Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD, sirkoto51, and tyops.   --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app
Jun 12, 2019
28: Tattoo Shops in Tulsa, OK
3155
Between all the talk of pearls and jumper cables, this episode is particularly heinous. For that reason, we're officially putting a ban on 13-19 year olds listening to this podcast. For everyone else, please enjoy another exploration of awful reviews and the people who write them. --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app
Jun 05, 2019
27: Ghost Tours in New Orleans, LA
3065

Welcome to our morning morbid show with morning joe. In today's episode, we're taking you on a very bumpy ride through New Orleans. Please refrain from peeing or exposing yourself, no matter what we say in the show. After we give you the rundown of the debauchery of ghost tours, Christine talks about lost corpses and Disney World. Just listen if you want any of this to make sense.

Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White.
Music by PSOVOD, Thejack288, and tyops. 

--- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app
May 29, 2019
26: Parks in Milwaukee, WI
2774
Is it possible for people to give their local parks bad reviews? Yes. And it's as crazy as you'd think! Alex then reads conspiracy theory reviews that no one needs to hear. Whether you listen to this in your home, lighthome, or waffle home, you won't be disappointed! Don't take our words for it, just listen to our new friends: Matthew, Poopie, and Coochie Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD and tyops. --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app
May 22, 2019
25: DMVs in Phoenix, AZ
1941

Get your sunglasses emoji ready, because we've got some "cool" reviews for you. We're reading the worst reviews of DMVs in Phoenix, AZ. Now imagine how boring an episode like that would normally be, and try to give this one a shot anyway. We end the episode with hilariously awful reviews of restaurants where customers thought they were receiving other people's leftovers.

Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White.

Music by PSOVOD, tyops, tim.kahn, and Carl Orff.

--- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app
May 15, 2019
Between You And Us: Episode 4
1836

Ghosts, choking, vampires... wait, what podcast is this again? Oh yeah, the one where we take the mask off of humanity and reveal its truest form. And in this episode, we're back to reading reviews sent in by our listeners! Come join us as we dive into our email inbox and read the best of the best.

If you'd like to submit a funny review, email us at beachtoosandy@gmail.com with "Between You And Us" in the subject line!

Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White.

Music by PSOVOD and tyops.

--- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app
May 13, 2019
24: Post Offices in Washington, DC
2221

In our most educational episode yet, we broaden your vocabulary as well as your understanding of the Geneva Convention. But don't worry, there's plenty of stupidity as we explore our nation's capital for the worst post office reviews we can find. Then, Alex gives a challenge to YOU, the listeners, because he's a failure.

Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White.

Music by PSOVOD, typos, John Siegler, and John Loeffler

--- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app
May 08, 2019
23: Toy Stores in Chicago, IL
2407

Welcome to Geppetto's Geriatric Sex Dungeon. Grab a doll, pick a booth, and enjoy our tastiest episode yet! We learn about all the toys Chicago has to offer, and we explore the stupidest recipe reviews on the internet!

--- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app
May 01, 2019
22: Beaches in Honolulu, HI
2467

In this week's episode, we reveal our titular story. We also discuss condoms, feces, and panty liners. So basically... we're discussing humanity this episode. We do that by reading reviews of both ABZ and LDC. No idea what those are? Listen to find out!

--- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app
Apr 24, 2019
21: Elementary Schools in Pittsburgh, PA
2553

This podcast made me laugh so bad!!! I threw up. It's time to kick off your Skechers and enjoy a new episode of Beach Too Sandy. While exploring reviews of elementary schools, we inadvertently explore our unfortunate middle school experiences. Enjoy the trauma!

Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White.

Music by PSOVOD and typos.

--- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app
Apr 17, 2019
20: Nostalgia in Los Angeles, CA
2916

Episode 20 is the extravaganza you didn't know you needed! To mark the special occasion, we surprise each other with reviews of places that are close to our hearts. Hop in Guy Fieri's convertible and take this trip down memory lane with us!

Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White.

Music by PSOVOD, typos and Mark Snow.

--- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app
Apr 11, 2019
Between You And Us: Episode 3
1575

Cover your trouser! We're back with some PHAT reviews, ranging from Starbucks to Mount Rushmore. This episode = was passable. Just don't laugh too loudly or we'll call security... and remember, fishing is NOT a crime.

If you'd like to submit a funny review, email us at beachtoosandy@gmail.com with "Between You And Us" in the subject line!

Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White.

Music by PSOVOD and typos.

--- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app
Apr 08, 2019
19: Coffee Shops in Seattle, WA
2949

In our quest to find the worst reviews, we may have found the worst one yet. As difficult as that was, we make it through. Next in our journey, we get lost in the Bermuda Triangle of Yelp pages, but we eventually find our way... For the sake of humanity we must continue.

Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White.
Music by PSOVOD, and tyops. 

--- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app
Apr 03, 2019
18: Comedy Clubs in Hartford, CT
2486
This week, Lisa Lampanelli graces us with her voice... and a plea to our beautiful listeners. This is followed by plenty of tallywagging from Alex and hooting from Christine. And we cap it all off with the discovery of... ANTIMONTY! No garlic fries here, just misery and displeasure. Enjoy! Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD, and tyops. --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app
Mar 27, 2019
17: Hospitals in Boston, MA
2352
In this week's episode, we take on communism, mary-juana, and the feminist agenda. It's truly an episode for the ages. But don't worry, we bleep out the worst of it. Thankfully, the world still gets to hear about Alex's first (and last) Hooters experience. Come along for the experience of a lifetime, and spread the word using #octothorpe. Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD, and tyops. --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app
Mar 20, 2019
16: Hardware Stores in Nashville, TN
2741
If you ever want to blackmail us with fake audio pulled from various sound bites, boy do we have the episode for you! We provide you with amazing quotes such as "I'm going to flip my shit and burn down this place," and "I typed out the word 'sex' a lot today." And by we, we mean Christine. Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White. Music by abett, PSOVOD, and tyops. --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app
Mar 13, 2019
Between You And Us: Episode 2
1338

The voices of a generation reading reviews sent in by fans of a generation. That's right, we're back and we're engaging in civil dialogue. We're reading what YOU want us to read. Instead of spending your hard earned money on over priced cold dessert coffee thing, why not just listen to a free radio show? Btw, we're not armed and we're wearing our "Make America Emo" hats again. Thanks for inserting us into your ears!

--- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app
Mar 11, 2019
15: Record Stores in Indianapolis, IN
2671

RudeJuggalo, WeedLMFAO, alxdude9, and imalwayzcrazy444. Which ones are our old AIM accounts and which are new? You have to listen to find out! This week we travel to Indianapolis to visit some of our best friends, including Air Bud, the Indiana Sniffer, Sonic the Hedgehog, and SpongeBob. We're still trying to connect the dots... Grab your accordions, your Faygo, and please keep your septum piercings in your septum!

Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White.

Music by PSOVOD, jgreer, and tyops.

--- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app
Mar 06, 2019
14: Libraries in Los Angeles, CA
2276
Hooded figures, dead bodies, and squirt machines. Or, your average Beach Too Sandy episode. If you think this episode stinks, watch out for our next collab: Corpse-be-Gucci. This episode is ideal for morgues, autopsy rooms, body bags, etc. Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White. Music by Myuu, PSOVOD, sirkoto51, jgreer, and tyops. --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app
Feb 27, 2019
13: Comic Book Shops in New York, NY
2756

Hear ye hear ye! Green grocers and proprietors alike! We have an episode  that will surely challenge your views and give you a bad case of the sweats. Gather yourself below one of the Brooklyn Bridges, open up to page 1 of Christine's Teen Zine, and pour out a cup of our child's water. Just be sure to leave your 2 year olds behind.

--- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app
Feb 20, 2019
12: Liquor Stores in Louisville, KY
1987

In this week's episode, the gang announces their next venture (unfortunately it's not a liquor store in Louisville, KY). Please wish us luck on our imminent future as born again Belgians, and please enjoy this episode responsibly.

Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White.

Music by PSOVOD, plasterbrain and tyops.

--- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app
Feb 13, 2019
Between You And Us: Episode 1
922

In the first edition of our monthly Between You And Us episodes, we read reviews of your most suggested item. This episode is an exploration of the human body and its limits. You will learn so much from this episode, but you won't want to remember any of it. But you should already know what you're getting yourself into...

--- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app
Feb 11, 2019
11: Strip Clubs in Las Vegas, NV
2007

WARNING! Do not let your ladies listen to this show. We will steal them from you. In episode 11 we go back to our roots: Vegas strip clubs. More specifically, the Chippendales show which helped launch the idea for this podcast. Now’s your chance to hear a brother and sister relive the moment where they were forever scarred. If you like what you hear, hop on the nearest FedEx truck - we’ll meet you “at spa”!

--- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app
Feb 06, 2019
10: Museums in Boise, ID
2498

Welcome to episode 10 of the podcast where a couple of poorly dressed jobsworths read awful reviews. This very special episode is full of big announcements and big egos.  We even answer the age old question: Which has more museums, Boise or New York City? We also discover the world of people who get excited by squirrels, making this our most wholesome episode yet. But don't get too excited, because we're still being described as "what muppets would sound like on crack."

Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White. 

Music by PSOVOD, Sirkoto51 and tyops. 

--- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app
Jan 30, 2019
9: Waffle Houses in Atlanta, GA
1722

What's the difference between Waffle House and your friendly neighborhood orgy? According to this week's reviews, possibly nothing. Whichever one you're going to, be sure to watch out for pink eye!

"SIGNED ALEX AND CHRISTINE!"


Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White. 

Music by jgreer, PSOVOD and tyops. 

--- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app
Jan 23, 2019
8: Dentists in Denver, CO
2180

Psst... yeah you... ever heard of... Presbyterianism? Then do we have the episode for you. We explore Denver for the worst reviews of dentists. Then we spread the good word of Ouija board reviewers. Take a break from your job as a bad teeth model and enjoy the sweet sugar voices from the unflossed mouths of Christine and Alex.

Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White. 

Music by jgreer, PSOVOD and tyops. 

--- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app
Jan 16, 2019
7: Bridal Shops in Houston, TX
1487

Buckle up, folks, because things are about to get "unsettling." Tune in to hear bridal store reviews from angry brides-to-be in Houston...and their dolls. Meanwhile, Alex introduces a couple toy-loving adults and expresses his own desire for a talking bird robot. Thinking of giving us negative 5000 stars? Big mistake...HUGE! 

Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White. 

Music by Robinhood76, zagi2, qubodup, jgreer, PSOVOD and tyops. 

--- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app
Jan 09, 2019
6: Pet Stores in Salt Lake City, UT
1858

Lost the instruction manual for your new pet bird? You’ve come to the right place! This week we read pet store reviews in Salt Lake City before trailBLAZing down an uncomfortable path of sci-fi erotic fiction…kindle edition. Tune in for bad snake advice, gladiator music and, as always, plenty of disgruntled customers. 

--- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app
Jan 02, 2019
5: Hair Salons in Ann Arbor, MI
992

Join us this week as we head to Ann Arbor to hear what people think of their local hair salons. Please enjoy, but watch out for the dead body out back. 

--- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app
Dec 26, 2018
4: Tech Stores in Jacksonville, FL
1226
Wuz up! In episode 4 we explore the world of tech stores in Jacksonville, FL. Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White. --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app
Dec 19, 2018
3: Car Washes in Minneapolis, MN
1145
It's episode three, y'all! Tune in for some...interesting...reviews of car washes in Minneapolis, MN. Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White. --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app
Dec 12, 2018
2: Hotels in Kansas City, MO
1329
Episode two is here! We cover 1-star reviews of hotels in Kansas City, MO. Logo design by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White. --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app
Dec 12, 2018
1: Grocery Stores in Cincinnati, OH
1111
Welcome to the first official episode of BTSWTW, featuring 1-star reviews of grocery stores in Cincinnati, OH. Logo design by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White. --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app
Dec 12, 2018
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Episodes 1-3 coming 12/12! Logo designed by Courtney DeKorte Theme by Mavus White
Dec 07, 2018