From the heart of the Shire, through the depths of Moria, to the ends of Middle-Earth, it’s The Babylon Bee Reads The Lord Of The Rings! In this episode of The Babylon Bee Reads, Kyle and Dan are joined by Jonathan Watson, creator alongside his two friends of TheOneRing.Com, which can also be followed on Facebook. Kyle, Dan, and Jon are on a quest to joyfully dig through Chapter 2, The Shadow Of The Past, which gives us plenty of exposition about the one ring, the stirring forces of evil in Middle-Earth and explains why Frodo is no longer safe in the Shire.

Be sure to check out The Babylon Bee YouTube Channel for more podcasts, podcast shorts, animation, and more.

To watch or listen to the full podcast, become a subscriber at https://babylonbee.com/plans.

Chapter 2 - The Shadow of the Past

Frodo is an oddity like Bilbo was and becomes restless.

He continues celebrating Bilbo’s birthday and shows signs of ‘good preservation’ even as he approaches age 50 the same age when Bilbo left on his journey. 

Tolkien is telling history before it happens (the developing of his myth like Mad Baggins)

We hear about his close friends... Fredegar Bolder and Folco Boffin are mentioned but Merry and Pippin are closest and are anxious about him as Frodo takes to taking long walks farther away from home in the hills under the stars and becoming obsessed with maps and dreaming of mountains he has never seen before. “The old paths seemed too well-trodden”

Frodo is seeing the elves going west as they leave M-E for good. And dwarves are coming west to the Blue Mountains. They provide a lot of news from outside the Shire... 

Ominous tidings. 

“They were troubled, and some spoke in whispers of the Enemy and of the Land of Mordor.” the evil power in Mirkwood had been driven out by the White Council only to reappear in greater strength in the old strongholds of Mordor. The Dark Tower had been rebuilt, it was said. From there the power was spreading far and wide, and away far east and south there were wars and growing fear. Orcs were multiplying again in the mountains. Trolls were abroad, no longer dull-witted, but cunning and armed with dreadful weapons. And there were murmured hints of creatures more terrible than all these, but they had no name.”

Gandalf hasn’t been seen for 9 years, after a time of coming and going and being concerned about Frodo’s health (what does he suspect?), and just as well since the people of the Shire suspect he had something to do with Bilbo going mad and disappearing

"'I wish it need not have happened in my time,' said Frodo.

'So do I,' said Gandalf, 'and so do all who live to see such times. But that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us.'" 

The discussion of the fall and corruption of Smeagol and a discussion on the pity of Bilbo.

The depiction of Sméagol not being wholly ruined.

A discussion of fate in The Lord of the Rings: Bilbo was meant to find the ring and Frodo was meant to have it. Wills of secondary agents.
Deserves it! I daresay he does. Many that live deserve death. And some that die deserve life. Can you give it to them? Then do not be too eager to deal out death in judgement. For even the very wise cannot see all ends. I have not much hope that Gollum can be cured before he dies, but there is a chance of it. And he is bound up with the fate of the Ring. My heart tells me that he has some part to play yet, for good or ill, before the end; and when that comes, the pity of Bilbo may rule the fate of many – yours not least.

We get introduced to Samwise Gamgee w/ the convo at The Green Dragon at Bywater!! (He believes in “fairies” or at least dragons and ents)

Has a love for elves and has a childlike wonder about the world nurtured by Bilbo’s stories.

“I dare say there’s more truth in some of them than you reckon.”

G.K. Chesterton wrote about the importance of fairytales as did Lewis and Tolkien… “Fairytales do not tell children that dragons exist. Children already know that dragons exist. Fairytales tell children that dragons can be killed.”

Frodo seems to have some trust issues with Gandalf.

You say the ring is dangerous, far more dangerous than I guess.

It would overcome anyone of mortal race. The ring would possess the possessor

‘A mortal, Frodo, who keeps one of the Great Rings, does not die, but he does not grow or obtain more life, he merely continues, until at last every minute is a weariness. And if he often uses the Ring to make himself invisible, he fades: he becomes in the end invisible permanently, walks in the twilight under the eye of the Dark Power that rules the Rings. Yes, sooner or later – later, if he is strong or well-meaning to begin with, but neither strength nor good purpose will last – sooner or later the Dark Power will devour him.’

The ring can also shrink or expand at will to slip of a finger if it wanted.

Gandalf began to think something odd about it right when Bilbo found it and lied about winning the ring from Gollum. He talks about Saruman and whether Bible will be harmed. He voluntarily gave up the ring!

Among the Wise I am the only one that goes in for hobbit-lore: an obscure branch of knowledge, but full of surprises. Soft as butter they can be, and yet sometimes as tough as old tree roots.

Greatness vs Morality

 Subscriber Portion

Mail-bo Baggins!

Jonathan’s take on the Movie adaptations 

Movie Differences

This is the Babylon Bee Weekly News Podcast for the week of 1/15/2021.

In this episode of The Babylon Bee Podcast, Kyle and Ethan talk about the week’s biggest stories like how Arminians are storming the gates of Heaven to protest election, wild manatees are suddenly coming out in a strong show of support for Donald Trump, and censorship is hitting anyone to the right of Stalin thanks to “Big T.” Kyle’s favorite bird to pronounce eats an alligator, samosas fly into space, and the squirrels are up to something! It’s another The Babylon Bee news show!

Be sure to check out The Babylon Bee YouTube Channel for more podcasts, podcast shorts, animation, and more.

To watch or listen to the full podcast, become a subscriber at https://babylonbee.com/plans

Introduction

Kyle celebrates his birthday with the California Highway Patrol.

Stuff That’s Good

Kyle likes Pete Vik’s Hope and Light & Darkness.

Ethan likes Gran Torino… again. And The Outlaw Josey Wales. Okay, Clint Eastwood stuff n general.

Weird News

Game warden uses marksmanship to rescue deer with locked antlers

Fulfilled prophecy? Mysterious NYC squirrel attacks rise in Queens neighborhood: Report

Website seeks 'professional binge watcher' to watch Netflix, eat pizza

Samosa sent to 'space' by British eatery crash-lands in France

Scientists Report First Instances of Dwarf Giraffes

Florida manatee has 'TRUMP' etched into its side; officials seek information

Florida bird caught on video swallowing whole alligator

Kyle gets three Guinness World Records since it is his birthday!

Man chops through apples while juggling knives for Guinness record

Siblings Set World Record for the Highest Combined Age, 1042 Years

Athlete does 64 hand-release pushups in one minute for new record

Stories of the Week

Story 1 Arminians Storm God's Throne Room To Protest Election

Summary:A gang of rogue Arminians has broken into God's throne room in order to protest the doctrine of election, sources confirmed Thursday. Hordes of the anti-Calvinist protesters stormed the gates of heaven before angels were forced to fall back and barricade the throne room.

"Down with the predestined, sovereign election of God!" cried one man from Florida as he burst into the throne room wearing a buffalo hat. "This whole thing is rigged! Divine interference!"

Arminians were seen scaling the walls of heaven. One managed to hang a "Who is able to resist His will?" banner on the gates of the place, while others busted in and started roaming the streets of gold looking for the Lord's throne room. A few made it in but were instantly killed by being in the presence of the Almighty God, sparking further protests.

There was very little looting, though a few Chick-fil-A sandwiches were taken.

At publishing time, Arminians had suggested the protesters were actually Calvinists disguised as Arminians to make them look bad. Calvinists say there is no proof of this as most of the protesters had neither beards nor smug looks on their faces.

The Real Story: Oh wait, the capitol building got stormed too? The capitol building was stormed, presumably by pro-Trump fanatics who think the 2020 election was rigged. 

-A man in a buffalo hat was there and another man walked off with a podium. One man ransacked Nancy Pelosi’s office. 

-Also, in related news, The Babylon Bee slack channel simply titled #Theology because #ArguingAboutCalvinism was too long, has kicked off with many fiery screeds about free will, election, predestination, and the love of God.

-Imagine if Trump had won, none of this would have happened. this is Antifa at the capitol:

-Antifa leader “Brothers, fret we may, but a fair election has ended and we must accept the results, though they were not in our favor. Lay down your bricks. Remove the vodka soaked rags from your molotov cocktails and drink with me as we accept these results like men. We shall leave the Capitol unmolested, we will don no buffalo garments, for we are not like those savages. Yes, we have a line we will not cross, and this is it.”  Then they sing an ancient Antifa war song about honor, tragedy, and losing with dignity.. 

Sad part of the story, in addition to the erosion of our norms and culture, was that a woman Ashli Babbitt was shot dead by the police, several other rioters died from medical emergencies, and a capitol police officer, Brian Sicknick, was killed in the riot at the Capitol.

See also: Our NEW animation about Who Was Really Behind The Attack On The Capitol

Story 2 After Being Kicked Off Social Media, Trump Forced To Go Door To Door And Shout 'RIGGED ELECTION!'

Summary:  After being permanently banned from social media, President Trump has been forced to knock on doors across the country, one door at a time. If anyone opens the door, he will shout one of his classic lines such as "RIGGED ELECTION!" or "Hillary is a loser! SAD!" at them before moving on to the next house.

Real Story:  Big Tech is going nuts on the censorship front.
Donald Trump got suspended from Twitter and Facebook for “inciting a riot” 

Twitter’s statement said, “After close review of recent Tweets from the @realDonaldTrump account and the context around them — specifically how they are being received and interpreted on and off Twitter — we have permanently suspended the account due to the risk of further incitement of violence.” 

Amazon, Apple, and Google got Parler got taken down.

Ron Paul has been blocked from Facebook.

Conservatives, libertarians and otherwise non-woke people seem to be shedding followers on Twitter and also 70,000 Q accounts are being booted en masse.

Conservatives have been quick to point out the double standards and hypocrisy of social media companies letting leftist incitements to violence stay and slamming the hammer down on conservatives.

Revealing CNN article: Defiant Trump denounces violence but takes no responsibility for inciting deadly riot 

Twitter blog about Trump tweets

Story 3 Biden Unveils Skin Color Chart To Determine Who Gets Federal Aid

Summary: President-elect Joe Biden gave a press briefing from the basement of his Wilmington mansion announcing that his incoming administration will be utilizing an innovative skin color chart to determine who is the priority in receiving their share of the $900 billion federal coronavirus aid package recently passed by Congress. 

“Our priority will be black, Latino, Asian, and Native American-owned small businesses, women-owned businesses (real quote),” Biden informed the nation. “We are sending out a new color chart to all agencies involved to make sure there is no malarkey…”

Experts praised the administration’s new color chart as being very unambiguous, black-and-white even, on who the government was going to help and not help.

Real Story: From Joe Biden’s website “To address the racial wealth gap, the opportunity gap, and the jobs gap for Black and Brown people, Biden will launch a historic effort to empower small business creation and expansion in economically disadvantaged areas – and particularly for Black-, Latino-, AAPI-, and Native American-owned businesses.”

Joe Biden Website

Washington Post Article On Joe Biden Small Business Plan

Joe Biden’s reported nominee for head of DOJ, Kristen Clarke said back in her Harvard days, “Melanin endows Blacks with greater mental, physical and spiritual abilities — something which cannot be measured based on Eurocentric standards.”

Topic of the Week: 

Big Tech Censorship, what is the role of social media?

-Libertarian private property trumps all so a private company can just do what it wants? 

-Federal Section 230 protections protect social media companies as being considered platforms instead of publishers- is that cool? 

-Jack was gloating about Parler being taken down. 

-Are we heading to a place where conservatives have to make their own phones, own networks, own web providers, own banks?

They made their own, Parler, and it got taken down by Amazon, Google, and Apple. 

GoDaddy took away the domain registration for a gun forum AR-15.com

Big megacorporations like AMEX, AMAZON, Marriot, Commerce Bank,  Dow, Hallmark, Blue Cross, Charles Shwab, their PACs are cutting off donations to 147 Republicans who supported efforts against certifying the election results.

At least three banks are cutting off ties from Trump. (Signature, Deutsche, and Profession banks) 

What are the implications for The Babylon Bee? What threats do we have and why do we need subscribers to support us.

The hypocrisy of Big Tech of what they allow to remain up.

Hate Mail

Will says we are making Christianity look bad again.

Subscriber Portion

Behind the Scenes Update

When this comes out Kyle will be at Winter Bee Con in Michigan.

Mailbag

Jackson Baker sent us a video about how the proposal went and answers some of Ethan’s questions like if Kelsey got bored reading the list of tips from the Bee.

Bonus Hate Mail

Doug incites violence we think and maybe thinks we created social media?

Headline Forums

Got Any Cool Stories? 

Story Time With Ethan Nicolle

Email us your cool stories!

This is the Babylon Bee Interview Show.

In this episode of The Babylon Bee Podcast, Kyle and Ethan talk to Abigail Shrier, a writer for the Wall Street Journal, The Federalist and author of new book Irreversible Damage. In the book she explores the “transgender craze,” where in the last few years, there has been an explosion in people identifying as transgender -- especially among biological females now identifying as male. The book was recently banned from Target -- though later reinstated -- after one transgender individual complained on Twitter. Topics include the Transgenderism craze, big tech, and making women a victim class. 

Buy her book here: Irreversible Damage: The Transgender Craze Seducing Our Daughters

Be sure to check out The Babylon Bee YouTube Channel for more podcasts, podcast shorts, animation, and more.

To watch or listen to the full podcast, become a subscriber at https://babylonbee.com/plans.

Topics Discussed 

Transgenderism craze in society

How Abigail became involved in the debate

Effects of testosterone on women

Social media and Transgender influencers

Using Google to solve everything

Helicopter parenting 

Why social media is poison 

Embracing ideology instead of religion 

Gender clinics

What you can get without a parent’s consent in most states

How they are able to teach gender in school without parent’s knowledge

Secret identities at school

Teen hysteria 

What is the science behind transgenderism? 

Doctor’s roles 

De-transitioning

Big tech

The best thing a dad can do for his daughter

Pride parade in schools 

Subscriber Portion

Why this shouldn’t be a political issue

Postmodernism, post-truth

Making women a victim class

LGBTQ infighting

Public lies

Biological differences

Feminism

Abigail’s book removal from Target

Silence from reviewers

In defense of boyhood and girlhood.

From the heart of the Shire, through the depths of Moria, to the ends of Middle-Earth, it’s The Babylon Bee Reads The Lord Of The Rings! In this episode of The Babylon Bee Reads, Kyle and Dan dive into the book, beginning as most books do, in Chapter 1, with A Long Expected Party. There’s a birthday party of special magnificence, a place worth fighting for, and a wizard puttering down the road with fireworks. There’s something very wrong in Hobbiton though.

Be sure to check out The Babylon Bee YouTube Channel for more podcasts, podcast shorts, animation, and more.

To watch or listen to the full podcast, become a subscriber at https://babylonbee.com/plans.

We answer your comments and questions in the subscriber portion. 

Episode 2: A Long-Expected Party

Opening line: When Mr. Bilbo Baggins of Bag End announced that he would shortly be celebrating his eleventy-first birthday with a party of special magnificence, there was much talk and excitement in Hobbiton.

The subtle magic of Middle-Earth: Bilbo is 111 years old. Frodo/Bilbo having same birthday. Theme of fate introduced.

The depiction of the Shire -- a foil for the rest of the adventure’s rising danger.

The Shire gives us a place worth fighting for.

Gandalf arrives -- we have an instigating event, a catalyst. (Kyle’s G rune tattoo mentioned). Fireworks! Such simple pleasures.

Foreshadowing of ill effects of Bilbo’s ring and treasure -- and Bilbo’s planned trick.

This chapter never managed to hook my older boys, but I wonder if I tried again at their ages -- 12 and 10 -- they would become interested. It’s a good hook. I suppose it helps if you’ve read The Hobbit. This may be the quintessential example of something where the previous book helps but is still absolutely unnecessary to read to understand.

The foreboding ending is perfect: “Frodo saw him to the door. He gave a final wave of his hand, and walked off at a surprising pace; but Frodo thought the old wizard looked unusually bent, almost as if he was carrying a great weight. The evening was closing in, and his cloaked figure quickly vanished into the twilight. Frodo did not see him again for a long time.”

This is the Babylon Bee Weekly News Podcast for the week of 1/8/2021.

In this episode of The Babylon Bee Podcast, Kyle and Ethan talk about the week’s biggest stories like Biden’s new mask womandate, totally healthy dead Cosmopolitan cover girls, and The Babylon Bee’s new 100% effective marriage proposal service. The always prophetic Bee writers have made predictions for 2021, there’s weird news, and ever-glorious hate mail.  

Be sure to check out The Babylon Bee YouTube Channel for more podcasts, podcast shorts, animation, and more.

To watch or listen to the full podcast, become a subscriber at https://babylonbee.com/plans

Stuff That’s Good

Kyle likes coffee. He ranks his methods of coffee prep.

Ethan likes BroForce. 

Weird News

German pilot makes point with syringe in the sky

Kentucky man goes viral for clearing snowy driveway with flamethrower

UPDATE ON JETPACK MAN: Los Angeles pilot finally captures elusive 'jetpack man' on video

Escaped hamster braves freezing temperatures to get to candy store

Bodybuilder may spend holidays alone after sex-doll wife is ‘broken’

Police respond to chickens 'wreaking havoc' at New Jersey McDonald's

UAE chefs bake world's longest line of pies for Guinness record

Story 1: 10 Tips for Proposing to Your Girlfriend: A Love Story!

Summary: Spring is almost here. We think. We’re not really sure since we’ve all been locked inside our homes since last spring. Anyway, now is the time when Ring Before Spring takes over all the Bible colleges and young men start proposing left and right. Some of our readers might be wondering: how should I propose to my girlfriend? We asked love experts like Gary Chapman, our youth pastor, and Joshua Harris, and compiled these ten tips for proposing to your woman. 

Real Story: Top ten list in the link. The main thing was to keep number 9 and 10 in there for Jackson Baker to propose to his girlfriend, Kelsey. One of the pictures he sent is below:

Story 2: Biden Promises Nationwide Mask Mandate And Womandate

Summary: In light of recent events, Biden has updated his COVID plan to include not just a mask mandate, but a mask womandate as well. In a prepared statement given to his nurse and posted on Twitter, the completely legitimate and unquestioned president-elect apologized for the sexist language in his plan.

Real story: Hilarity ensued when House Democrats opened up the 117th session of congress with an opening prayer from Rep. Emanuel Cleaver, D-Missouri, minister at the St. James United Methodist Church, a prayer made in the name of “the monotheistic god, Brahma, and god known by many names by many different faiths,” which ended with AMEN and A-WOMAN.

Amen is not gendered. It is from Hebrew and means It means “it is so” or “so it be.” Amen is derived from the Hebrew āmēn, which means “certainty,” “truth,” and “verily.”

Other ways on which Rep. Cleaver has updated his speech.

Story 3: 'This Is Healthy': Cosmopolitan Features First-Ever Dead Cover Girls

Summary: Yass, slay, queens -- dead queens, that is! Cosmopolitan Magazine is promoting body positivity with the first-ever series of corpse cover models.

The issues feature interviews with and profiles on a dozen dead girls who show how they too can be healthy despite being completely dead.

Real story: Cosmopolitan Magazine is featuring on its cover very overweight women as the picture of health with the main story being ‘11 women on why wellness doesn’t have to be one-size-fits-all.”

Topic of the Week: The Babylon Bee’s 2021 Prophecies!

Hate Mail 

Bryan says we’ve become too political.

Subscriber Portion

Mailbag from Drew that puts Ethan right to sleep

Bonus Hate Mail

Cool Story From Becky

Headline Forum

This is the Babylon Bee Interview Show.

In this episode of The Babylon Bee Podcast, Kyle and Ethan talk to comedian, author, and political satirist  Andrew Heaton. Andrew has performed stand up comedy all over the world and hosts two podcasts, one of them featuring Kyle and Ethan. Andrew’s two podcasts are titled The Political Orphanage and Alienating the Audience. Kyle and Ethan dive into Andrew’s strange Oklahoma upbringing that deals with a Prison rodeo, eating a rattlesnake heart, and having unknown ties to a family cave. While on his journey out of Oklahoma, Andrew worked for a time at congress and tells Kyle and Ethan about how that experience helped shape him to become politically homeless. 

Andrew is @MightyHeaton on all social media. 

Political Orphanage Podcast

Alienating The Audience

Be sure to check out The Babylon Bee YouTube Channel for more podcasts, podcast shorts, animation, and more.

To watch or listen to the full podcast, become a subscriber at https://babylonbee.com/plans

Topics Discussed

Trouble with sleep

Political labels and comedy

Oklahoma prison rodeo 

Rattlesnake derby 

Eating rattlesnake hearts

Exploring Caves in Oklahoma

Weiner Dog racing 

Dinner with an Amish community

Viking Runestones

Working for Congress 

Beer pong with a Congressman

Alienating the Audience

Economics of Dune

Current Political Art is going to age badly

How British politics do it right

Owning a distillery in Scotland 

Getting a van stuck in a bog in Scotland

Subscriber Portion

Italian Fire

Cigar smoking

Living in a variety of places

Quarantine in a camper

Legalizing drugs

Underground libertarian drug den

Meeting Vermin Supreme

Yelling at politicians

European Californians

GK Chesterton quote

History Improv

10 Questions

Phil Robertson

Stephen Colbert

Bombing as a comedian 

This is the Babylon Bee New Year's Special 2021.

In this episode of The Babylon Bee Podcast, Kyle and Ethan do a rundown on 2020’s biggest and best Babylon Bee stories that gave the world fake news they could trust. They talk about all the big changes at The Babylon Bee and give a behind-the-scenes look into the creative process behind the top ten Bee articles of the year. Even though the year was a crazy one, Kyle and Ethan want to end 2020 with a little Chestertonian awe, wonder, and gratitude.

Be sure to check out The Babylon Bee YouTube Channel for more podcasts, podcast shorts, animation, and more.

To watch or listen to the full podcast, become a subscriber at https://babylonbee.com/plans

The Babylon Bee 2020 In Retrospect

This year, The Babylon Bee:

Got a real studio

Launched video podcasts

Launched animation

Grew tremendously in # of subscribers

We shifted to full-time coronavirus jokes for a while

First annual BeeCon

Got attacked by Facebook, banned by Twitter

Hired more people (it was basically just me and Ethan a year ago)

Trump shared our article, thinking it was real?

New York Times profile

Interviewed some really big names!

Published The Sacred Texts Of The Babylon Bee, Volume 1!

Top 10 Bee Articles of the year

10 - Inspiring: Celebrities Spell Out 'We're All In This Together' With Their Yachts

9 - Trump Announces He Has Hidden 5 Golden Tickets Among Stimulus Checks

8 - Biden: 'I Am The Only Candidate Who Can Beat Ronald Reagan'

7 - FBI Hires Top-Rated Italian Bodyguard Hiluigi Clintonelli To Protect Ghislaine Maxwell

6 - Walmart Now Requires All Shoppers To Wear Pants

5 - NBA Players Wear Special Lace Collars To Honor Ruth Bader Ginsburg

4 - Biden Campaign Says He Is So Close To A VP Pick He Can Smell Her

3 - Bernie Tests Negative For President

2 - Cracker Jack Changes Name To More Politically Correct Caucasian Jack

1  - Biden Cuts Hole In Mask So He Can Still Sniff People's Hair

One last “G.K. Chesterton!” for 2020.

Subscriber Portion: Bonus Top Articles #11-15

15 - Miracle: Coronavirus Passes Over Houses With Chick-Fil-A Sauce Smeared On Door Posts

14 - With Statues Gone, Pigeons Forced To Poop On Rioters

13 - In Bold Anti-Trump Statement, Pelosi Rips Up Bible

12 - Podiums At Next Debate To Be Equipped With Life Alert Buttons

11 - Democrats Warn That American People May Tamper With Next Election

From the heart of the Shire, through the depths of Moria, to the ends of Middle-Earth, it’s The Babylon Bee Reads The Lord Of The Rings! In this episode of The Babylon Bee Reads, Kyle and Dan tell some of their personal stories relating to Tolkien’s writings and discuss Tolkien’s Foreword in which he aggressively denies that The Lord Of The Rings is an allegory. Subscribers also get to hear their discussion of the Prologue concerning hobbits, the Shire, and pipeweed.

Be sure to check out The Babylon Bee YouTube Channel for more podcasts, podcast shorts, animation, and more.

To watch or listen to the full podcast, become a subscriber at https://babylonbee.com/plans.

We answer your comments and questions in the subscriber portion. Leave your letters at podcast@babylonbee.com.

Foreword

Our personal stories with Lord of the Rings

Themes we’ve gotten out of the books in the past

How fleeting evil is. History is cyclical, but the faithful need not worry. (Tom Bombadil) (“There was light and high beauty for ever beyond its reach”)

Small people doing ordinary deeds can change the world - Diana Glyer

Good vs. evil, obviously. But more specifically, the asymmetric war of  good and evil. Good is eternal. Evil is fleeting. Evil is just twisted good. They are not on equal footing.

Tolkien’s almost overly defensive foreword -- extreme insistence that it’s not an allegory

Says if it were an allegory for WW2, the Free Peoples would have used the Ring.

Prologue

Setting the stage: Middle-Earth as myth and an alternate history of earth

Hobbits are seemingly unimportant, yet they change the world

Maps!

In this episode of The Babylon Bee Podcast, Kyle and Ethan celebrate Christmas at The Babylon Bee Studio with returning guests Kira Davis, Kellen Erskine, and Greg Koukl. They debate what qualifies as a Christmas movie, wonder how great it would be to have a VeggieTales/Hallmark Movie Universe crossover, and try to rank International Ninja Day and Taylor Swift’s birthday among other venerated December holidays. Merry Christmas!

Be sure to check out The Babylon Bee YouTube Channel for more podcasts, podcast shorts, animation, and more.

To watch or listen to the full podcast, become a subscriber at https://babylonbee.com/plans.

Kellen has a podcast about books: The Book Pile

Kira Davis has a podcast about her opinions and also another podcast about Hallmark Christmas movies: Just Listen To Yourself and A Very Merry Podcast

Greg Koukl can be heard at Stand To Reason including #STRAsks.

Topics Discussed

New studio 

TikTok 

Coffee cup drinking style

Short attention spans 

Red Pen Logic series 

Seeker friendly churches

Bowling 

Parody in today’s world 

Karaoke at old folks home 

Brave Ollie Possum 

Veggie tales 

Problem with slogans 

Hallmark Christmas movie

What makes a Christmas movie?

Tragedy of Kevin McCalister 

Scrooged 

Goonies 

Seeing movies as an adult 

Star Wars

Ranking Christmas holidays

Kwanzaa 

Dewey Decimal system day

International Ninja day

Celebrating Santa 

The Book Pile podcast

Just Listen To Yourself Podcast 

A Very Merry Podcast

Stand to Reason Podcast

Subscriber Portion   

Christmas for Latter Day Saints

Defending the virgin birth

Faith above reason 

The Red Sea 

Best and worst Christmas gifts

Conservative news outlets 

Trump’s news network 

The War on Christmas 

The Nativity movie 

It’s a Wonderful Life

Ugly Christmas sweaters

This is the Babylon Bee Interview Show.

In this episode of The Babylon Bee Podcast, Kyle and Ethan talk to professor of political science Justin Dyer, author of C. S. Lewis on Politics and the Natural Law and director of the Kinder Institute on Constitutional Democracy.  Topics range from C.S. Lewis’ view on natural law, being a classical liberal, and how C.S. Lewis wanted all kids off his lawn. 

Be sure to check out The Babylon Bee YouTube Channel for more podcasts, podcast shorts, animation, and more.

To watch or listen to the full podcast, become a subscriber at https://babylonbee.com/plans 

Topics Discussed

• How Dyer became interested in CS Lewis
• Would CS Lewis vote for Trump
• How Lewis pulls theology, philosophy, and politics all into his writing
• What is natural law?
• C.S. Lewis influences
• C.S. Lewis being a classical liberal 
• Social Dilemma
• Abolition of man and the modern times
• Left and right attacking natural law in Lewis’ time
• C.S. Lewis would be a libretraian 
• Lewis wanted to be treated like a dinosaur 
• Abolition of man waterfall 
• C.S. Lewis criticism of english language textbooks
• Objective standards to beauty and art
• Oxytocin for humor 

Subscriber portion 

• Lewis answering every letter written to him
• Lewis hated his modern technology
• Lewis didn’t like change
• Lewis wouldn’t be a fan of twitter
• CS Lewis and Sexuality
• Cs Lewis view on marriage made Tolkien uncomfortable
• How one writer believes Lewis is going to Hell
• Lewis’ view of tradition 
• 10 Questions 
• Great embarrassing story

This is the Babylon Bee Weekly News Podcast for the week of 12/18/2020.

In this episode of The Babylon Bee Podcast, Kyle and Ethan talk about the week’s biggest stories like Elon Musk noticing our fine journalism, Dr. Jill Biden expertly saving a life with just a podium and a microphone, Disney announcing 7,562 new Star Wars shows. They also discuss how prolific and prophetic G.K. Chesterton was writing over a century ago. There’s stuff that’s good, weird news, glorious hate mail, and unintentional rambunctious reindeer.

Be sure to check out The Babylon Bee YouTube Channel for more podcasts, podcast shorts, animation, and more.

To watch or listen to the full podcast, become a subscriber at https://babylonbee.com/plans

Introduction

Kyle is getting old and the guys discuss whether walking on one’s back is a remedy. On the plus side, Kyle read all of Abigail Shrier’s book Irreversible Damage. Kyle and Ethan remember Ebaumsworld and Newgrounds and how his Mission To The Moon music video is getting some attention recently.

Stuff That’s Good

Kyle likes the board game Sonar.

Ethan likes Scythian album Roots and Stones.

Weird News

Porch pirate steals bait box filled with cat poop

Precious painting lost at German airport found at dumpster

Woman receives birthday card mailed by her late mother in 2015

Man buys 160 tickets for one lottery drawing, wins 160 times

Marvel's Star-Lord is apparently now a polyamorous bisexual

Google sends 7-year-old warning that his parents are monitoring his account and WAY too many people are okay with that.

Genius! These codebreakers just cracked the Zodiac Killer's infamous 340 cipher, 51 YEARS after it was first published.

Teacher assistant mortified after missing rude detail on Christmas cardigan 

Sentence spelled out by balloons breaks Guinness record

Stories of the Week

Story 1 - Man Chokes In Restaurant, Dr. Jill Biden Springs Into Action To Deliver Educational Lecture

Summary:  As Dr. Jill Biden and her husband went out to eat over the weekend, a man began choking on his Denver omelet. But lucky for him, Dr. Jill Biden was there, and she is a doctor.

"We need a doctor here!" cried a waiter. "Is there a doctor in the house?"
Dr. Jill Biden sprang into action. "I'm a doctor!" she said, rushing over. "I'm going to need a podium and a microphone, stat!" After a busboy hurried over with the life-saving tools she would need, Dr. Jill Biden thanked him and then began delivering a speech on meeting students' needs at the community college level.

An op-ed in the Wall Street Journal by Joseph Epstein sparked a debate over calling Jill Biden a “doctor” since she is not a medical doctor but has a doctorate in education.

"Madame First Lady — Mrs. Biden — Jill — kiddo," the piece begins. "Any chance you might drop the 'Dr.' before your name? 'Dr. Jill Biden' sounds and feels fraudulent, not to say a touch comic."

Epstein went on to argue that the prestige of doctorates and honorary degrees has been diminished by political correctness and the relaxation of academic standards before urging Biden to "forget the small thrill of being Dr. Jill, and settle for the larger thrill of living for the next four years in the best public housing in the world as First Lady Jill Biden."

Conservative pundits pointed to the episode as an example of what they say is a quickness on the part of the political left to be offended. 

"I'm sorry. Telling a white lady in her late 60s that she should stop calling herself doctor because she is not an actual medical doctor, that is not sexist. It's not," commentator Ben Shapiro

Hillary Clinton tweeted: Her name is Dr. Jill Biden. Get used to it.

Lots of politicos on Twitter were changing their bio and hilarity ensued.

Story 2 - The Babylon Bee Presents An Exclusive Inside Look At 15 Upcoming Star Wars Shows

Summary: Disney announced about 7,562 new Star Wars shows yesterday. But that's just the tip of the iceberg, as more shows are soon to follow. We at The Babylon Bee have a Star Wars insider (we're not saying it's Gina Carano, but we're not not saying it). We asked her -- or him, or them -- what shows have yet to be announced, and they were able to tease these upcoming shows. They sound amazing!

Story 3 - Immediately After Moving To Texas, Elon Musk Announces Tesla AR-15

Summary: After years of fighting lame California politicians who want to lock everyone in their homes so they can't go to space or build cool stuff, Tesla CEO Elon Musk announced he was moving to a land flowing with milk and honey called Texas. Almost immediately after the move, he announced a new product the whole world has been waiting for: the Tesla AR-15.

Elon Musk really is moving to Texas

Elon has a strange obsession with The Babylon Bee

He said we were “savage” on Twitter.

He also weirdly tagged us under an Onion story.

What else could he create?

Topic of the Week: Top Prophetic Chesterton Quotes

G.K. Chesterton was a prolific and seemingly prophetic writer. Kyle and Ethan discuss.

Hate Mail

Ethan delivers a moving rendition of Linda not appreciating our satire when it targets her personal political hero and we discover a new word to describe journalism that makes us think of the bathroom.

Subscriber Portion

Bonus Chesterton Prophecies/Quotes

Mailbag

Caleb R. writes in to tell Ethan he is not alone with his toddler poop struggles.

Bonus Hate Mail

Someone was looking for highbrow content and mental stimulation and was sorely disappointed when he flipped out The Babylon Bee Podcast.

Email your cool stories for subscriber exclusive reading to podcast@babylonbee.com

In this episode of The Babylon Bee Podcast, Kyle and Ethan talk to Mike Lindell. Mike Lindell is the founder and current CEO of My Pillow. Mike Lindell first gained fame for starring in the My Pillow infomercials sporting his trademark mustache, periwinkle blue shirt, and cross necklace. He has gained recent notoriety for becoming one of President Trump’s biggest supporters. Mike shows why he is always the best at parties by sharing stories of his crack addiction, becoming a commercial celebrity, and how the media can’t cancel him. 

Be sure to check out The Babylon Bee YouTube Channel for more podcasts, podcast shorts, animation, and more.

To watch or listen to the full podcast, become a subscriber at https://babylonbee.com/plans

Don’t forget to check out our store and pick up your Christmas gifts!

• Subscription deals
• The Sacred Texts
• Santa punching heretics shirt

Topics Discussed 

• What makes the My Pillow Great? 
• How an inventor’s mind works
• Becoming an Evangelical speaker
• World record pillow fight 
• Bible Verses with My Pillow  
• Addiction story
• Getting cut off from a drug dealer
• Lindell Recovery Network
• Donald Trump
• Swords, drugs, Mexico
• Armed robbery as a card counter 
• Infomercials
• Been on tv 3.2 million times
• Periwinkle Blue shirts
• Government is sequestering the supplements
• South Dakota has been doing it right 
• California’s insanity with Covid 
• Donald Trump and the election
• Addiction centers
• Mask giveaway with a two hour sermon 

Subscriber Portion

• My Pillow voting machine
• My Pillow can help with all the corruption in politics
• Wearing a cross at the crack house and on TV
• Breaking records on the shopping network 
• Hears God by staying proactive in Prayer
• Funding Unplanned 
• Riding a bulldozer in Unplanned 
• Being attacked by Jack Dorky
• 10 Questions

This is the Babylon Bee Weekly News Podcast for the week of 12/11/2020.

In this episode of The Babylon Bee Podcast, Kyle and Ethan are joined by actress Wendy Shapero, who you may know from Dirt, Free Samples, Robot Chicken, or the voice of the mom from our very own Babylon Bee animation. They talk about the week’s biggest stories like how our government is covering up aliens being among us, the vaccine being distributed through pyramid schemes, and how Santa’s Nice List has become compromised through software glitches. They also talk about how Kung Fu masters look to spread the gospel of the iron crotch, read hate mail, and wonder how many trendy food products Wendy will pitch to us before the show ends.

Be sure to check out The Babylon Bee YouTube Channel for more podcasts, podcast shorts, animation, and more.

To watch or listen to the full podcast, become a subscriber at https://babylonbee.com/plans

This episode is brought to you by Faithful Counseling. Babylon Bee listeners get 10% their first month at that link.

Intro

Wendy talks about some of the roles she has played for The Babylon Bee and Robot Chicken. You might recognize her voice as the mom for our family or from the Halloween special. Here is the song she can’t get out of her head right now.

Stuff that’s Good

Kyle likes Almost Heroes

Ethan likes Sugar Taylor sauce and Junebug rub

Wendy Shapero likes walking on hot coals with Tony Robbins and TUSOL which she swears is totally not a pyramid scheme.

Weird News
Aliens in hiding until mankind is ready, says ex-Israeli space head

• Space aliens have reached an agreement with the US government to stay mum on the experiments they conduct on Earth — as well as their secret base on Mars — until mankind is ready to accept them, the former head of Israel’s space program, 87-year old Haim Eshed, claimed in a new interview.
• “Trump was on the verge of revealing [aliens existence], but the aliens in the Galactic Federation are saying, ‘Wait, let people calm down first,'” Eshed, who helmed Israel’s space security program from 1981 to 2010, reportedly said. “They don’t want to start mass hysteria. They want to first make us sane and understanding.”
• He also claims astronauts have already been to Mars… at the Alien’s secret base

California man punches 350-pound bear in face to save beloved dog 'Buddy'

• This happened in Nevada county, the bear had the dog by the head in its mouth and was dragging it back into the woods 100 ft away so Kaleb Benham ran out and punched the 350 pound bear in the face. 
• Buddy went into surgery and came out after three hours with some stitches and some staples, but was able to return home for Thanksgiving. Benham and Buddy spent the holiday in bed resting up and healing.
• Buddy is expected to make a full recovery.

“I’m OK, Just A Bit Tired”: Italian Man Walks 450 Kilometers To Cool Off After Arguing With His Wife

• A man from Italy walked 280 miles after an argument with his wife

• He was caught by police and fined for breaking the lockdown. 
• Wife had to pick him up and drive him back home after paying the fine. 

Mall Santa Rejects Nerf Gun Request, Brings Boy to Tears

• A video making the rounds on social media shows a mall Santa bringing a young boy to tears by rejecting the child’s request for a Nerf gun, and going even further to say, “No guns.”
• The New York Post reported the story, referring to the Kris Kringle imitator as a “politically correct Santa.”
• Update: Christmas justice! That mall fired Woke Santa and got a nerf gun for the kid he made cry.

Chinese “iron crotch” kung fu masters fight to preserve a painful-looking tradition

• These guys smash their testicles
• Its most famous technique involves a steel-plate capped log, 6.5 feet in length and weighing 88 pounds that swings through the air and smashes into a man’s crotch.
• “When you practise iron crotch kung fu, as long as you push yourself, you will feel great,” said Wang, head of the Juntun Martial Arts Academy.

Man uses sword to slice 68 grapes while standing on balance board to beat world record

Stories of the Week

Story 1 - 138,000 Kids Suddenly Added To Santa's Nice List In Middle Of Night

Summary: Santa Claus's nice list is said to be run on trustworthy software, safe and secure on an unhackable server under his workshop. 

But some are questioning the legitimacy of the nice list after the tally suddenly spiked in the middle of the night, adding over 138,000 kids to the good side of the list.

• There was a suspicious adjustment of 138,000 votes all for Biden in the middle of the night in Michigan.
• There are still various Trump lawsuits and the state of Texas lawsuit about the election procedures around the nation. 
• We will probably get banned from YouTube for talking about it though according to their latest email.

Story 2 - In Order To Appeal To Suburban Christian Women, Vaccine To Be Distributed Through A Pyramid Scheme

Summary: Many people are skeptical of the coming vaccine, some due to political reasons, and others due to religious reasons or the fact that all the numbers in the vaccine's serial number add up to 666 or something.

But there's one group that will definitely be on board with the vaccine now: suburban Christian women.

That's because the vaccine is being rebranded as an empowering wellness product called VacciLife. Women can sign on as an independent VacciLife consultant just by purchasing a $200 starter kit. Then, they're able to become their own boss and control their financial future by selling the vaccine -- and, even more importantly, a great business opportunity -- to their friends and family.

Story 3 - Newsom Issues Double Stay-at-Home Order Where You Have To Stay In A Smaller House Inside Your Original House

Summary: In an attempt to fight another spike in COVID-19 infections in California, Governor Gavin Newsom has issued the first ever double stay-at-home order. With the new order, people aren’t only ordered to stay in their homes no matter what, but also aren’t free to wander around their homes. Instead they have to stay inside smaller houses inside their regular homes. 

It’s suggested that each member of the household stays inside their own tiny house until the pandemic ends, even babies.

• Once again a policy that favors the rich (they have space in their big houses for small houses)
• Newsom is trying to ban gathering, outdoor dining, etc. Lots of local county and city law enforcement aren’t listening
• LA County tried to ban outdoor dining, but lost a court case about it.
• Newsom is a hypocrite going to French Laundry with no mask and no social distancing
• LA County Supervisor Sheila Kuehl voted to ban outdoor dining and then went to her favorite restaurant
• Chef Gruel who owns nation-wide chain of restaurants called  SLAPFISH Seafood basically said the government’s orders aren’t based on any science that outdoor dining is causing the spread of COVID and that banning outdoor dining is causing more people to gather indoors in their homes which we know is causing the spread. He told the government he’s going to stay open. He says, "It's crystal clear... elected officials are owned by corporate America or Silicon Valley, perhaps the entertainment industry— the rules don't apply to them. But they obviously apply to all of us small businesses, and we're getting crushed..."
• Pete Davidson calling people babies for wanting to end the lockdown and get back to work —- FROM HIS JOB (SNL)
• The Austin mayor told everyone to stay home while vacationing in Mexico

Topic of the Week: Wikipedia’s List Of Unusual Deaths

Kyle recently became obsessed with this morbid topic.

Hate mail

A woman really takes issue with how we apparently are banning meals that serve more than six.

Subscriber Segment

Subscriber update

Kyle and Dan are launching a Babylon Bee Reads podcast starting with The Lord Of The Rings. Get the book, read the foreword, prologue, and chapter 1 and look for episodes to drop in a few weeks.

Mailbag

We have a Carman sighting  from Bee friendCameron Belt 

MAGABoomer Bonus hate mail - 

A MAGAboomer responded to our newsletter and didn’t like us poking fun at Sydney Powell and sent us the most ALL CAPS, LINK-FILLED, ANIMATED GIF-filled MAGABoomer email we have ever received. And we are absolutely in love with it. 

Subscriber headlines

We do a weekly rundown of the top subscriber-submitted headlines of the week and give shoutouts to the ones that even got published! HUGE shoutout!

Got any cool stories?

In this episode of the Babylon Bee Podcast, Kyle and Ethan talk to Bridget Phetasy. Bridget is a well known writer and podcaster. She has a monthly column on the Spectator website and has two Podcast shows: Dumpster Fire and Walk-Ins Welcome. Bridget gained notoriety for making both liberals and conservatives angry through her writing and now has gained an even greater audience making people angry on Twitter. You may even recognize her voiceover work on the Bee Animation, where she has voiced Samantha and many others.  Kyle and Ethan talk to Bridget about how Kanye West wrote a lyric about her, her struggle with addiction, and how she is stuck in the wasteland of being a centrist in a polarized political world. 

Topics Discussed 

• Bridget’s origin story
• Bridget’s dreams being delusional
• 2020 can be good
• Tropic Thunder
• Appearing on Jerry Springer’s show Baggage
• Stand-up comedy
• Appearing on Curb Your Enthusiasm
• Voiceover work 
• Game of improv for a career
• Ben Shapiro
• Bridget’s first appearance on Fox
• Kanye writing a song about Bridget
• Risk of talking to the other side
• The left being afraid of platforming
• Danger of woke culture
• Wasteland of the center
• Gavin Newsom atrocities
• Gun control
• Free speech warrior
• Pro brunch

Subscriber Portion 

• Introduction of the subscriber lounge
• The PG rating 
• Being politically homeless
• Trump wearing people down
• The election results
• Sydney Powell
• Encouraging man spreading
• Equal hate from both sides
• No sacred cows
• Take the work seriously, don’t take yourself seriously
• Hypocrisy of capitalism 
• Wealthy woke white women
• People in power thinking they are oppressed
• Fake vote suppression
• Twitter fact check
• Built Back Better
• Alex Jones starting to sound reasonable 
• Religious talk 
• Conspiracy theories are hilarious  
• Trust in Institutions
• Q Adjacent 
• Handling Trauma with jokes
• 10 Questions 
• Good fight story
• Best Concerts

This is the Babylon Bee Weekly News Podcast for the week of 12/4/2020.

In this episode of The Babylon Bee Podcast, Kyle and Ethan talk about the week’s biggest stories like Biden’s all-female communications team reminding us that we should already know what’s wrong in the nation, Biden’s arm falling off in peanut butter jar opening attempt, and a bowl of porridge getting a record-shattering 80 million votes. Kyle and Ethan inform you about the worst Christmas songs ever so that you can avoid them. There’s weird news, glorious hate mail, and Kyle learns how to pronounce the word ‘heron’.

Be sure to check out The Babylon Bee YouTube Channel for more podcasts, podcast shorts, animation, and more.

To watch or listen to the full podcast, become a subscriber at https://babylonbee.com/plans

Introduction

The Babylon Bee wishes our fanbase in Wyoming, MATT TUNSTALL, a happy 40th birthday!

Also, Ethan is having some killer deals at his Axe Bear Store with a way to get a free Axe Cop trade paperback. 

Stuff That’s Good

Kyle likes The Battle of Five Armies Behind the Scenes Video

Ethan likes Axe Cop the Game which is available now on Steam!

Weird News

More than 150 Santas ride jet skis for Guinness record

Mike Tyson eats ear off Roy Jones Jr. cake ahead of exhibition bout

George Clooney Has Been Using Flowbee For Years

Anti-gay Hungarian politician József Szájer resigns after being caught attending 25-man orgy in breach of COVID-19 rules

Eel bursts out of Flying Heron’s stomach alien style

Stories of the Week

Story 1 - Biden All-Female Communications Team Won't Tell Nation What's Wrong, Nation Should Already Know

Summary: Biden's transition team has announced they will be appointing an all-female communications team. According to sources, the team will not tell the nation what's wrong, since the nation should already know.   

Story 2 - Biden's Arm Falls Off While Trying To Open A Jar Of Peanut Butter

Summary: Staffers have revealed that Biden was the victim of yet another tragic accident after his arm fell completely off as he attempted to open up a jar of peanut butter.

Story 3 - In National Survey Of Favorite Foods, Lukewarm Bowl Of Porridge Wins 80 Million Votes

Summary: In a surprise result from a national survey of favorite foods, the winner, with 80 million votes -- blowing away the previous record of 69 million votes -- was a lukewarm bowl of porridge. The soggy bowl of chopped grains has apparently exploded in popularity around the country and is now handily the most beloved food of all.

Topic of the Week: The Worst Christmas Songs of All Time

• Mary Did You Know?
• The Christmas Shoes
• Last Christmas
• Wonderful Christmastime
• Little Drummer Boy
• Baby It’s Cold Outside
• We Three Kings
• Anything by Chris Tomlin “Joy to the World”
• Santa Baby
• I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus
• Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer
• All I Want for Christmas is my Two Front Teeth
• Feliz Navidad
• We Wish You a Merry Christmas
• 12 Days of Christmas
• Every Hanson Christmas album

Bonus: Christmas songs we like

• O Holy Night
• O Come O Come Emmanuel
• Rob Halford’s III Winter Songs
• Dio’s God Rest Ye Merry Gentleman
• Stryper - Winter Wonderland
• Handel’s Messiah

Hate Mail

A concerned fan believes the Joker has released laughing gas at The Babylon Bee studios and some dude has a thing for sweaty jars of mayonnaise.

Subscriber Portion

Behind the Scenes Update

Subscribers actually get to see the subscriber-exclusive lounge.

Mailbag

Video question from subscriber Allen Boone.

Bonus Hate Mail

This is the most flowerbedded email we have ever received.

Headline Forums

Got Any Cool Stories?

Email your cool stories for subscriber exclusive reading to podcast@babylonbee.com

In this episode of the Babylon Bee Podcast, Kyle and Ethan talk to Dan Whitney better known as Larry The Cable Guy. Dan gained fame from the Blue Collar Comedy Tour while patenting the phrase “Get R Done” in his hilarious stand up act. Dan was able to reach out to the next generation when he voiced the role of Mater in the Pixar film, Cars. Dan talks to Kyle and Ethan about how he snagged the role of Mater, how he’s canceling cancel culture, and the time he had to get Chuck Berry off stage. 

Topics Discussed 

• Larry The Cable Guy on the View
• Why Dan chose the name Reagan for his daughter
• How Dan found the Babylon Bee
• The Story of Dan snagging the role of Mater
• Joking with Paul Newman
• Kicking Chuck Berry off stage
• How Dan became Larry The Cable Guy
• Ben Shapiro Tweet 
• Can’t cancel Larry The Cable Guy
• Late night talk hosts 
• Goofiness of Steve Martin
• The worst audiences of the world
• Being a comedy superstar
• Tobacco spitting and Delta Farce 
• Replacing the Rock and Arnold Schwarzenegger

Subscriber Portion

• Friendship with Lewis Black
• Cool stories with Jeff Foxworthy 
• 10 questions 
• Another Carmen story

This is The Babylon Bee 2020 Thanksgiving Special.

Be sure to check out The Babylon Bee YouTube Channel for more podcasts, podcast shorts, animation, and more.

To watch or listen to the full podcast, become a subscriber at https://babylonbee.com/plans.

Check out the new Babylon Bee book: The Sacred Texts Of The Babylon Bee. It makes a great Christmas gift!

Check out the new Axe Cop video game coming out Thanksgiving 2020! Watch Kyle and Ethan react to their first time playing here!

In this episode of The Babylon Bee Podcast, Kyle and Ethan don’t talk about the week’s top stories. They are joined by the rest of the studio Bee crew, Matthew McDavid, Dan Coats, and Patrick Green, to have a Thanksgiving feast and talk about gratitude, interesting facts about the history of Thanksgiving, and how Kyle sees himself as Tom Bombadil. In the subscriber portion, the dinner guests break into a meeting of the Chestertonians by reading The Philosophy of Gratitude by G.K. Chesterton.

Also mentioned on the podcast: This article is what producer Dan had in mind about the first socialist thanksgiving: The Great Thanksgiving Hoax.

In this episode of the Babylon Bee Podcast, Kyle and Ethan talk to Kellen Erskine. Kellen Erskine is a professional stand-up comedian and a current writer on the upcoming Tuttle Twins Television series. Kellen is a repeat guest that provided one of the more hilarious interviews and somehow makes this one even better.  Kellen talks about the reason he despises Tik Tok, his first time gambling, and how his wife made his Appendicitis worse. 

Be sure to check out The Babylon Bee YouTube Channel for more podcasts, podcast shorts, animation, and more.

To watch or listen to the full podcast, become a subscriber at https://babylonbee.com/plans.

Topics Discussed

• Passive-aggressive Leaf Blowers
• Virtual Comedy shows 
• Why Kellen had to pay for someone to break into his house
• The delicacy of Stand up Comedy
• Selfishness of Christmas songs
• Writing on the Tuttle Twins
• Performing at a Masonic Temple
• The torture of the Berenstain Bears Books
• Brave Ollie Possum 
• Gambling in Atlantic City
• Kellen’s wife making his appendicitis worse
• Why Kellen despises TikTok

Subscriber Portion 

•  More on FreeMasons
• Dry Bar Comedy
• Howie Mandel Story
• Lunacy of Highschool Mascots
• 10 Questions
• Good fight story

This is the Babylon Bee Weekly News Podcast for the week of 11/20/2020.

In this episode of The Babylon Bee Podcast, Kyle and Ethan talk about the week’s biggest stories like Disney cleaning up that shocking Mandalorian scene where Baby Yoda ate an unfertilized egg, Biden slapping some BLM stickers on attack drones, and Target making marketing decision based on single tweets. Get a behind the scenes look at The Babylon Bee’s sweet new animation studio taking flight and listen to Kyle and Ethan talk about weird real news, stuff that’s good, and glorious hate mail.

Be sure to check out The Babylon Bee YouTube Channel for more podcasts, podcast shorts, animation, and more.

To watch or listen to the full podcast, become a subscriber at https://babylonbee.com/plans

This episode is brought to you by Faithful Counseling. Bee listeners get 10% off at that link!

Introduction

Kyle went to Texas and experienced Buc-ee’s, guns, and freedom.

Stuff That’s Good

Kyle likes Economics in One Lesson by Henry Hazlitt.

Ethan likes the Roald Dahl Audio collection.

Weird News

Sri Lankan Lawmaker bites raw fish to bolster slumping sales 

• After a coronavirus outbreak was traced back to the Central Fish maker in Colombo, the country’s commercial capital, the fishing industry took a hit. 
• "I am making an appeal to the people of this country to eat this fish. Don't be afraid. The coronavirus will not infect you," the lawmaker said, before taking a bite out of a raw fish

Japanese Town Deploys Growling Robot ‘Wolves’ to protect residents from Bears

• With bear sightings at a five year high, and dozens attacks reported in Japan alone, city officials in the town of Takikawa on the island of Hokkaido 
• Looking like a cross between Wolverine and the Terminator, each cyborg Canis lupus comes equipped with flashing red eyes, a blinking tail, and a repertoire of loud, threatening sounds—growls, roars, and heavy machinery noise—all triggered by motion detectors.

School asks parents to stop throwing late students over closed gate

• The Trillade school in Avignon put up signs outside its gate showing a cartoon of a parent sending a small child airborne to get over the fence. The text on the sign asks parents not to throw their children 

Botched carving restoration on Spanish building ridiculed online 

• A carved figure in the facade of a Spanish building is going viral on social media after an apparent botched restoration left the figure's face unrecognizable.
• The result of the restoration has drawn comparisons to the botched "Monkey Christ" fresco restoration in the town of Borja, as well as comparisons to the faces of a Tusken Raider from Star Wars and U.S. President Donald Trump.

Video shows unauthorized man with flamethrower atop NYC bus

• A rapper who said he was making a tribute to a legendary New York City hip-hop group was recorded shooting a flamethrower from the top of an occupied city bus in an unsanctioned stunt a transit agency spokesman called “absurd, dangerous and just plain stupid.
• Dupree, who also refers to himself as the Flame G.O.D, posted drone footage of the effort. In an earlier Instagram post, he invited people to the area for ice cream, T-shirts and champagne

Egg fight at Tesco after woman was shushed for two minute silence 

• A woman was told to shush while other customers observed the silence in of fallen servicemen and women. However, she took umbrage at this. 
• A witness heard someone shout “you’ve disrespected my mother” 

7th Grade Language Art teach “living in the forest”  and doesn’t have adequate internet to host. 

Stories of the Week

 Disney Edits Controversial Mandalorian Scene So Baby Yoda Just Eats An Unborn Baby

Summary: Disney has edited its controversial scene from The Mandalorian, where The Child eats an unfertilized alien egg, so that the creature affectionately known as "Baby Yoda" will simply eat an unborn human baby instead.

• Libs were mad that Baby Yoda ate an unfertilized alien egg.
• May we also add that the alien egg, along with Baby Yoda, and along with the entire plot and cast of Mandalorian, is FICTIONAL
• Buuuut abortion? Not so much.
• Gina Carano loves us 

Progress: Biden Administration To Apply 'Black Lives Matter' Decals To All Attack Drones

Summary: Now this is progress: in a move to bring attention to issues of social justice in the United States, the Biden administration has announced that all attack drones used to bomb countries in the Middle East will have "Black Lives Matter" decals applied to them. Inspiring!

• We’re not sure why everyone is acting like the Biden administration will be love, tolerance and rainbows. The Obama administration dropped over 26,000 bombs in 2016 alone. That’s 72 bombs a day.

Target Immediately Pulls Bible From Shelves After Church Of Satan Complains

Summary: After the Church of Satan complained on Twitter that Target was selling Bibles, the retailer quickly apologized and pulled the Bible from its shelves. The Church of Satan complained that the book was "Satanophobic." Its tweet got 666 retweets, and Target jumped into action, immediately responding to the tweet that the book was pulled from shelves.

• We jest. But ACTUALLY: Target DID pull Abigail Shrier’s book after one person complained.
• UPDATE: Target backpedaled again because a different trans person complained about censorship
• We later found out 40,000 Gamers DID sign a petition to remove the Bible from Target after the retailer decided to ban Grand Theft Auto V from their stores. Target said “we don’t sell the Bible.”

Topic of the Week: Bee Animation

• Halloween 
• ACB 
• Satan song 

Hate Mail

We got an email from someone who normally likes our stuff.

Subscriber Portion

Subscriber exclusive updates from The Babylon Bee

Mailbag

Gavin asks Kyle and Ethan about changes to old hymns.

Bonus Hate Mail!

Patrick or “laugh track” as he is affectionately called  reads hate mail about his laugh.

Subscriber Headlines of the Week

Ethan’s “friend” has a really funny story.

This is the Babylon Bee Interview show. 

In this episode of the Babylon Bee Podcast, Kyle and Ethan talk to Alisa Childers. Alisa Childers first gained fame by being in the Christian Pop band, ZOEgirl. Alisa has since moved on from music into becoming a Christian Apologist with her own podcast and her debut book, Another Gospel?, available wherever you find books. Alisa’s apologist story began when she discovered her Pastor was a self proclaimed “Hopeful Agnostic” thus leading her on a journey of discovering historic Christianity and the true meaning of rap core. Ethan and Kyle receive all the CCM back stories including that of the mysterious Carman. 

Be sure to check out The Babylon Bee YouTube Channel for more podcasts, podcast shorts, animation, and more.

To watch or listen to the full podcast, become a subscriber at https://babylonbee.com/plans.

Topics Discussed

• Alisa’s logo design explanation
• What is Historic Christianity? 
• Origin of ZOEgirl 
• Alisa’s Crisis of Faith
• Hopeful Agnostic Pastor
• Journey towards becoming an Apologist
• Defining Progressive Christianity
• Ways Progressive Christianity is infiltrating the Evangelical Church

Subscriber Portion 

• Cool Stories
• Newsboys food habits
• Ending up on Aerosmith's bus
• Altar call with Journey
• ZOEgirl name Origin
• Rapcore
• 10 Questions
• G.K. Chesterton 
• Babylon Bee Altar Call
•  

This is the Babylon Bee Weekly News Podcast for the week of 11/13/2020.

In this episode of The Babylon Bee Podcast, Kyle and Ethan talk about the week’s biggest stories like the pandemic being officially over now that Biden is President-elect,  Biden’s secret list of cabinet picks getting leaked by The Babylon Bee, and the party against fascism, the Democrats, are creating a giant list of enemies because that always ends well. Also, The Bee’s big ‘covfefe’ table book The Sacred Texts of The Babylon Bee Volume 1 is finally hitting the streets and we have weird news and glorious hate mail!

Be sure to check out The Babylon Bee YouTube Channel for more podcasts, podcast shorts, animation, and more.

To watch or listen to the full podcast, become a subscriber at https://babylonbee.com/plans

Introduction

Kyle and Ethan talk about why Kyle looked like a hobo last week, vacuum haircut devices as seen on Wayne’s World, the brand new The Sacred Texts Of The Babylon Bee Volume 1 available now and whether or not to accept the election results.

Stuff That’s Good

Kyle likes Dungeons & Dragons

• Basic Rules
• Starter Set
• Tomb of Annihilation
• Tomb of the Serpent Kings

Ethan likes Bear in the Back Seat by Kim Delozier and Carolyn Jourdan.

Weird News

“Bigot” has been given a new dictionary definition (NTB)

• Oxford English Dictionary’s definition of ‘bigot’ now reads: "A person who is obstinately or unreasonably attached to a belief, opinion, or faction, especially one who is prejudiced against or antagonistic toward a person or people on the basis of their membership of a particular group."
• It no longer reads: “A person who is intolerant toward those holding different opinions.”

Woman arrested for pretending to be FBI agent and demanding free Chick-fil-A. She even talked into her shirt like she was calling backup. (NTB)

• Authorities said Ragsdale kept up the ruse even as she was being arrested Thursday, at one point pretending to talk into a radio supposedly hidden under her shirt and urging the FBI to send someone to her aid, according to The Polk County Standard Journal, citing police. She also claimed her credentials were electronic-only when officers asked to see identification.
• Can FBI agents demand chick-fil-a?

Russian scientists discover huge walrus haulout in Arctic circle

• What the heck is a haulout - is it pronounced “haloot!” which is another word for Walrus dance party
• There were 3,000 walruses found in Russia
• The animals are believed to be going further and further south as scientists believe their habitats are warming and melting due to climate change
• Is John Bolton among them? How is he doing?

"Hey, Siri … How old is the president?" Her answer might shock (and infuriate) you (NTB)

• For some period of time, Siri would tell you how old Kamala Harris is… not Donald Trump or even presumptive President-elect Joe Biden
• Kyle tried it and it worked

100 Year Old Disc Golf Player Breaks Guinness Record With Long Throw 

• At age 90 set a World Record when he lobbed a disc at a distance of 189 feet
• At age 100 threw a disc 189 feet for the over 100 age bracket
• Shinn said he is proud of his world record, but he feels like he can beat it again 

Indian man builds 9-foot-long marker pen for Guinness\\\\\\\ record

• This one is just to piss Kyle off.

Parrot returns to British  Owner speaking Spanish - four years after disappearing 

• Nigel, a grey African Parrot, flew away from his home in California in 2010, but was returned to his British owner, Darren Chick, after he was discovered in Torrance, California. 
• The bird’s British accent is gone, replace by fluent Spanish and someone called “Larry”

King of West African Tribe returns to gardening job in Canada

• Eric Manu became royalty when his 67 year old uncle, Dat, passed away last year
• He moved back to British Columbia, he has returned to landscaping and gardening in the town in a bid to raise cash for his 6,000 strong tribe
• Manu hopes to improve healthcare with all the money he raises 

Stories of the Week

Story 1

Pandemic Officially Over

Summary: After almost a year of suffering under a devastating killer pandemic, America was relieved to learn that the pandemic is officially over after they saw huge crowds of people smashed together celebrating Biden’s apparent electoral win.

• You still can’t go to church or go to a funeral, but hey!
• People were celebrating in the streets in mass crowds when major news like the AP and others declared Joe Biden the President-elect on Saturday 11/7.
• Scientists predict if Trump manages to flip the results COVID will return with a vengeance

Story 2
We at The Babylon Bee have acquired a top-secret list of Biden’s cabinet picks. Here they are.

Story 3

The political party vocally opposed to fascism, the Democrats, have begun creating lists of undesirables

• AOC’s tweet
• The Trump Accountability Project 
• “Remember what they did,” the group’s sparse website declares. “We should not allow the following groups of people to profit from their experience: Those who elected him. Those who staffed his government. Those who funded him.”

Topic of the Week

The Sacred Texts of The Babylon Bee

• Retrospective on the life of The Bee
• Pull our favorite articles from the book
• Read through some of the new infographics
  
  

Hate Mail

This guy really hates Jonah Goldberg.

Subscriber Portion

• Behind the Scenes Update

• Mailbag From 13yo Kaitlyn and Jana asks about our podcast diet.

• Bonus Hate Mail

• • Cancel your own subscription!
• Headline Forum - Subscriber Headlines of the Week

• Got Any Cool Stories? / Calvin Update

• Email your cool stories for subscriber exclusive reading to podcast@babylonbee.com

This is the Babylon Bee Interview show. 

In this episode of the Babylon Bee Podcast, Kyle and Ethan talk to Austin Petersen. Austin Petersen ran for President in the 2016 election with the  Libertarian Party and is the founder and chief editor for The Libertarian Republic Website. He is described as a secular dude bro that is Pro life and finds more in common with many Christian Conservatives than those in his own party. Kyle and Ethan test Austin on his Libertarian views, especially in terms of Trump policies, Ferret ownership, and how often he prays to the Libertarian father, Ron Paul.

Be sure to check out The Babylon Bee YouTube Channel for more podcasts, podcast shorts, animation, and more.

To watch or listen to the full podcast, become a subscriber at https://babylonbee.com/plans.

This episode is brought to you by Faithful Counseling. Get 10% off your first month.

Topics Discussed   

• Election Day
• How many times does Austin show reverence toward Ron Paul? 
• Why Petersen voted for Trump
• Major difference between Dems and Republicans
• Conservatism is about losing slowly
• The Two kinds of libertarians 
• Libertarian view on Ferret ownership
• Are Libertarians Eating babies?
• Secular argument toward Pro life
• Creation of incubation chambers
• Secular journey for Petersen 
• Why Petersen prefers Christian Conservative to Atheists Communists
• Not speaking up is much worse
• Libertarian Government future is not good
• Senator Mike Lee 
• Libertarians take on a social justice warrior perspective
  

Subscriber Portion

• Problem with Petersen’s Wiki page
• Living in a dumpster behind a quick drip
• Being a dude bro
• Most Garbage Libertarian website
• Why Petersen can’t fit in to any political party
• 10 questions
• Good Kick fight story

This is The Babylon Bee News Podcast for the week of 11/6/2020.

In this Election 2020 special, your hosts Kyle Mann and Ethan Nicolle do a recap of all of our Election 2020 coverage which turned out to be fake news you could trust after all. They fondly remember all the absurd moments of the primaries and general election and try to bring some sanity to your election week craziness. We make politics way too important as G.K. Chesterton teaches us in this most excellent Election Podcast Special. Also, will you be our RBG?

Be sure to check out The Babylon Bee YouTube Channel for more podcasts, podcast shorts, animation, and more.

To watch or listen to the full podcast, become a subscriber at https://babylonbee.com/plans

This episode is brought to you by Small Group The Movie. 

Introduction

Kyle voted for the first time and is haggard and tired. Ethan wrote a song to bring us all together: Be my RBG.

Stuff That’s Good 

Kyle likes Star Wars Squadrons.

Ethan likes Monster DC Sniper.

Weird news

Costco pulls coconut milk after report on forced monkey labor

• A PETA investigation accused Thai growers, who supply the coconuts for coconut milk such as the Chaokoh brand, of forcing monkeys to work as coconut pickers. Costco has stopped selling coconut milk derived from those producers, reports USA Today.
• Seems inefficient. Can’t you just put a big snipper on a stick and get them down?
• PETA says some of the monkeys are driven insane. 

Off-duty Nevada officer dressed as 'Star Wars' Stormtrooper stops suspected drunken driver

• An off-duty state trooper wearing a "Star Wars" costume while returning home from a Halloween party prevented a suspected drunken driver from entering a Las Vegas freeway in the wrong direction.

Indian doctor duped into buying ‘Aladdin’s lamp’ for $93,000

• Police in India’s northern Uttar Pradesh state have arrested two men who allegedly duped a doctor into buying an “Aladdin’s lamp” for $93,000 that they promised would bring wealth and good fortune.
• Dr Laeek Khan approached police in the northern state of Uttar Pradesh after he realised the lamp did not have any magical powers, as described in the popular folk tale about Aladdin and his wish-granting genie that appears when it is rubbed.

California kayakers end up in mouth of humpback whale

• Two kayakers escaped uninjured when they briefly ended up in the mouth of a humpback whale that surfaced beneath them.

Seance live streamed from British manor breaks Guinness record

Babylon Bee Election Coverage:

2020 Election Roundup: The Insane Democratic Primary

Trump Vs Biden: The Babylon Bee's Top Articles From The 2020 Election

Topic of the Week

Kyle and Ethan read a portion of Chesterton’s What’s Right with the World

Hate Mail

We get chewed out by a retired Army guy for our coverage of Mitch McConnel’s recent encounter with a plastic six-pack ring. 

Love Mail

We get some crude love mail that we can appreciate.

Subscriber Lounge

Kyle and Ethan talk about politics being made to be more important than it is, discontent, prigs, and oligarchs as they continue reading from G.K. Chesterton. 

This is the Babylon Bee Interview Show. 

In this episode of the Babylon bee Podcast, Kyle and Ethan talk to Jonah Goldberg. Jonah Goldberg is  the Asness Chair in Applied Liberty at the American Enterprise Institute and a Fellow at the National Review Institute. In 2019, he left a role as Senior Editor of National Review magazine after a 21-year stint with the publication to start a new venture. He has been a weekly columnist for the Los Angeles Times since 2005 and a nationally syndicated columnist since 2000. He hosts the popular podcast The Remnant with Jonah Goldberg.

His most recent book, Suicide of the West: How the Rebirth of Tribalism, Populism, Nationalism, and Identity Politics Is Destroying American Democracy, was also a New York Times bestseller in 2018.

This is The Babylon Bee Weekly News Show for the week of 10/30/2020.

In this Spooky episode of The Babylon Bee Podcast, Kyle and Ethan talk about the Babylon Bee being mentioned at the Senate hearings and the week’s top stories like another amazing Guinness World Record that Kyle gets so excited about, ACB ordering all Nation’s Women to Wear Handmaid’s Outfits, Democrats Proposing to stop Coyotes by distracting them with Decoy Roadrunners, and after Thanksgiving being banned, Californians turning to Turkey Barbecues in Honor of Black Lives Matter. Kyle and Ethan also share their favorite Horror Movies, TV Shows, and Books all in time for you to enjoy them before Halloween. Tune in for more weird news, cool stories, a trip to the mailbag and, of course, glorious hate mail.

Be sure to check out The Babylon Bee YouTube Channel for more podcasts, podcast shorts, animation, and more.

To watch or listen to the full podcast, become a subscriber at https://babylonbee.com/plans.

This episode is brought to you by Small Group The Movie.

Introduction

Kyle and Ethan joke about Jack Dorsey dressing as a homeless man during his remote senate hearings and being referenced at the Senate hearings. 

Stuff That’s Good

Kyle likes Geeks Under Grace

Ethan likes Flor De Selva cigars

Weird News

• World’s longest gum wrapper chain created by 70 year old retired teacher

• He began the feat back in 1965, which is when Gum chains were quite popular
• Gary’s record breaking chain came in at a mind boggling 106,810 ft. 
• Gary says as someone with no special skills that he has to do a lot of hard work in order to succeed in getting a world record

• Woman allegedly posed as prosecutor, dropped charges against herself 

• Lisa Landon used the state’s electronic system to drop the charges and submitted fake documents in three separate criminal cases last year.
• A forensic examiner who was supposed to perform a competency evaluation on her, noticed the charges were dropped. 
• Landon also falsified a judge’s decision to waive a filing fee and faked an order in a child custody case involving her child and a family member

• Police ID pastor accused of urinating on female Delta passenger: ‘He peed on me!’

• According to the passenger named Alicia Beverly, told police she woke up on the plane around 2:45am to find a man urinating on her. 
• After Beverly yelled ‘He peed on me,’ the Pastor said “I peed on her, I thought I was going to the bathroom”

• ‘Big Pile’ of eels dumped in NYC park; impact not yet known

• After dumping the eels in the lake, the man walked away, explaining to bystanders that “I just want to save lives”
• New York has a long history of people releasing animals. In 1890, Shakespeare enthusiasts released a flock of 60 European starlings(birds) that destroyed crops and snarl jet engines 

• California billionaire Bill Gross accused of blaring ‘Gilligan’s Island’ theme song on loop at his neighbor

• Gross was frustrated that he was forced by the city to take down a series of lighting and netting that blocked the neighbors view. 
• The neighbor told Gross to turn the music down and he responded “Peace on all fronts or we’ll just have nightly concerts big boy”

• Prescription drugs reported in children’s Halloween candy after California event 

• At a trunk or treat where kids would get candy through their windows, Police reported that a mother called after she found a resealable plastic bag with four blue pills and a white tablet in her child’s bag of candy
• Recommended to parents to go through their children’s candy piece by piece before they eat any of it 

• Headless horseman brings music, double-takes to Concord, MA

• Man rides bicycle with no hands playing guitar while in a headless horseman costume

• Bicyclist says he has started to play the trumpet instead of the guitar on some days

• He has fallen, he said, but no serious falls as the headless horseman though 

Story 1

Newly Sworn-In ACB Immediately Orders All Nation's Women To Wear Handmaid's Outfit

Summary:WASHINGTON, D.C.—After being sworn in as a Supreme Court justice, Amy Coney Barrett immediately issued a decree that all women are to wear red handmaid's outfits for the rest of their lives.

"Execute papal order 66," she said, her eyes glowing red. "Implement the theocratic state."

• ACB was confirmed on a party line vote in the Senate 52-48 with only one Republican Susan Collins voting NO.
• 'No': Graham Shuts Down Democrats' Attempts to Delay ACB Vote
• • Graham says that after what they did to Kavanaugh he is a changed man and didn’t seem to have any tolerance for what they were trying to do.
• Democrat Harry Reid got rid of the rule requiring a supermajority to end debate over a nominee in 2013 so these narrow votes are able to get through.

Story 2 

 Democrats Propose Stopping Coyotes By Distracting Them With Decoy Roadrunners

Summary: After Trump brought attention to the coyote epidemic at the southern border during the debates, Democrats on Twitter are offering unique solutions to the problem, such as setting up decoy roadrunners to distract the coyotes.

Trump brought up coyotes bringing immigrants over the border. Liberals freaked out on Twitter and it was hilarious.

https://twitter.com/SophNar0747/status/1319524700721192967

USA Today Factcheck: Fact check: Trump did not mean actual 'coyotes' take children across the border

A "coyote," also known as "el coyote" is a term for people who smuggle others across borders in exchange for payment.

Story 3

After Thanksgiving Banned, Californians To Hold Turkey Barbecues In Honor Of Black Lives Matter On November 26

Summary: CALIFORNIA—Gavin Newsom has effectively banned Thanksgiving from California, requiring celebrating households to have only a few people, no bathroom usage, two-hour maximums, and individual plates.

Californians all announced they are complying with the plan and instead of celebrating Thanksgiving will be holding Black Lives Matter turkey barbecues scheduled, coincidentally, for November 26. 

Topic of the Week

Scary Stuff We Like

Ethan: 

Movies: 

Exorcism of Emily Rose 

Evil Dead 2 and Army of Darkness

Bad Taste, Dead Alive (Braindead)

The Babadook

Troll 2

Birdemic

the Thing (Kurt Russell)

Get Out

Shaun of the Dead

Gremlins

Spielberg’s War of the Worlds

The Monster Squad

Riki Oh

Dead Heat

Books: 

Brave Ollie Possum!

Babylon Bee Writers recommend the Cat which has a kung fu fight between a cat and dog

Kyle:

Movies: 

• New Blumhouse series - The Lie, Black Box, Nocturne, Evil Eye.
• It Follows
• The Witch
• Misery
• The Shining
• Cabin in the Woods
• Happy Death Day
• Alien
• Get Out
• The Invisible Man
• A Quiet Place
• 2017’s It
• Zombieland
• Color Out of Space
• 1922
• Doctor Sleep
• Black Sheep 

Books:

• The Shining
• Pet Sematary
• Misery
• Salem’s Lot
• Frankenstein
• Something Wicked This Way Comes
• Carrie
• Lovecraft: At the Mountains of Madness, The Festival, The Rats in the Walls, The Shadow over Innsmouth, Colour out of Space

Hate Mail

Check out some of the best Hate Tweets that are doing their best at hurting Kyle and Ethan’s feelings. 

Subscriber Lounge

• Behind the Scenes Update of the Studio being installed

• Updates on the Babylon Bee Book being sent out

• Kyle and Ethan read from the mailbag about their experiences with Christian Worship music

• Bonus hate mail from a reader that discourages Lebron wearing Lace to Basketball games

• Exclusive cool Ethan and Kyle stories 

• Email your cool stories for subscriber exclusive reading to podcast@babylonbee.com

This is The Babylon Bee Interview Show.

In this episode of The Babylon Bee Podcast, Kyle and Ethan talk to Doug Wilson. Doug is a pastor, author of over 90 books, most recently of Ride, Sally, Ride, and the host of Man Rampant. His church got in the news recently for a non-socially distanced, unmasked Psalm Sing in Moscow, Idaho that landed several members of their church in jail. They talk about what happened at the Psalm Sing, churches disengaging with the culture and politics, and why a Christian would write a book about sex robots.

Be sure to check out The Babylon Bee YouTube Channel for more podcasts, podcast shorts, animation, and more.

To watch or listen to the full podcast, become a subscriber at https://babylonbee.com/plans.

This episode is brought to you by Faithful Counseling. Get 10% off your first month.

Topics Discussed: 

• The Moscow Psalm Sing
• The Doug Wilson Cult and complex in Moscow
• The Fight, Laugh, Feast network
• Churches being politically active and engaging the culture or not
• Churches meeting or not because of COVID-19
• Partisan politics- is it a sin to vote for Joe Biden?
• Dead people voting
• Controversy surrounding Doug Wilson
• Slavery, William Wilberforce
• Revolution vs. Reformation as means of change, applying this to abortion
• Postmillennialism in the year 2020
• Mark of the Beast going on facemasks
• Writing books about sex robots like Ride, Sally, Ride
• Appropriateness of lewd, shocking things in Christian art

Subscriber Portion

• What the heck is Federal Vision?
• Doug Wilson’s respectful relationship and debate with atheist Christopher Hitchens
• The Ten Questions
• Doug tells an awesome fistfight story
• Kyle and Ethan de-convert Doug Wilson
• Kyle and Ethan Post-Show

This is The Babylon Bee Weekly News Show for the week of 10/23/2020.

In this episode of The Babylon Bee Podcast, Kyle and Ethan talk about the week’s top stories like President Trump tweeting out a Babylon Bee story, Jordan Peterson returning with the 12 Rules For Life on stone tablets, and how Facebook is murdering comedy. The Babylon Bee also has some updated and more realistic travel posters to America’s big cities. Tune in for more weird news, cool stories, a trip to the mailbag and, of course, glorious hate mail.

Be sure to check out The Babylon Bee YouTube Channel for more podcasts, podcast shorts, animation, and more.

To watch or listen to the full podcast, become a subscriber at https://babylonbee.com/plans.

This episode is brought to you by Small Group The Movie.

Introduction

Kyle and Ethan joke about our recent spat with Mark Zuckerberg and dive into the weekly news.

Stuff That’s Good

Kyle likes the 2018 video game Celeste. 

Ethan likes I survived...

Weird News

Space Station air leak repaired with help from floating tea leaves

• There was a slow air leak in a transfer chamber on the space station that suddenly got worse
• Astronauts broke open a tea bag to watch the leaves float toward where the leak was so they could use tape to seal it.

'Breathable Bacon' face mask gives wearers the aroma of bacon

•  A U.S. company is offering fans of breakfast meats the chance to enjoy the scent of sizzling pork anytime they want with a bacon-scented face mask.
• Hormel said the Black Label Breathable Bacon mask uses the "the latest in bacon-smell technology" to give the wearer the experience of smelling bacon anytime they don the protection accessory.
• Do they make a soy version?

Naked teen taken into custody after damaging business, covering himself in ranch dressing and crashing car. 

• Sheriffs responded to a call at 3:30am and found a naked 17 year old man who was under the influence of a substance 
• The man had covered himself in ranch dressing and damaged property inside the business
• He ran outside and drove off. Didn’t get far and crashed into a pillar. 
• He must do penance by covering himself in CFA sauce

Tennessee teenager's homemade fusion reactor lands Guinness record

• the world's youngest person to achieve nuclear fusion after officials verified that he built his own nuclear fusion reactor at his family's home and successfully used it in his final hours of being 12 years old.
• Tony Stark?

Blindfolded man smashes 50 coconuts around another man's body

•  An Indian martial artist showed off his strength and precision when he donned a blindfold and smashed 50 coconuts that were arranged around the body of another man.
• They were given a Guinness World Record
• The men, Rakesh B and Prabhakar Reddy P, were awarded the Guinness record for most coconuts smashed around a person blindfolded in 1 minute.
• Kyle would like to protest these absolutely ridiculous records
• What’s next? Most toothpicks covered in Crisco fit into a microwave?

Story 1

Check Out These Eight Beautiful Travel Posters For America's Democrat-Controlled Cities

Summary: U.S.—With people leaving Democrat cities in droves, mayors and city councils are hoping to fill them back up again -- with tourists! 

Maybe it's time to give these cities a second chance. Check out these beautiful tourism posters from Democrat-controlled cities around the country! 

• Read the posters and the punchline, keep it tight, video version will display the posters

Story 2

Trump Shares Babylon Bee Article, Thousands Accept Jesus Into Their Hearts

Summary: WASHINGTON, D.C.—Thousands around the world are forsaking their sins and receiving Christ this week after Trump shared an article from The Babylon Bee.

The Babylon Bee is widely known as the most Christian website ever created. In fact, it is so insanely Christian that a single share on social media has the power to instantly save hundreds of souls. According to sources, Trump was ignorant of this fact before sharing the article.

• USA TODAY: Trump tweets satirical news story: What is Babylon Bee and is it 'fake news'?

• The knowingly fake story came from Babylon Bee, a satire site with a conservative bent, and claimed, in jest, that Twitter was shutting down its platform to prevent the spread of negative news about Democratic nominee Joe Biden.
• "Wow, this has never been done in history. This includes his really bad interview last night. Why is Twitter doing this," Trump tweeted.
• Also mentioned: Video of Trump being normal guy at church in Las Vegas.

Story 3

Jordan Peterson Returns To Find Americans Worshiping Golden Statue Of Karl Marx, Breaks 12 Rules For Life In Anger

Summary: After a year-long excursion into the belly of the beast, Dr. Jordan Peterson emerged this week and was dismayed to find millions of Americans worshipping at the altar of a golden Karl Marx statue. Overtaken with righteous anger, he smashed his stone tablets containing 12 Rules for Life into tiny pieces. 

• Jordan Peterson seems to be back posting to his YouTube channel a video entitled Return Home.
• He had been out of the public eye for a very long time with a severe reaction he had to a anti-anxiety medication he had been taking as prescribed but became chemically dependent upon when he tried to cease taking it
• He ended his video by saying, “"With God's grace and mercy, I'll be able to start generating original material once again and pick up where I left off."
• We are interviewing Mikhaila soon so stay tuned for that!

Topic of the Week: Facebookgate and the challenges of writing comedy for the internet

• Facebook took down  this facebook post Senator Hirono Demands ACB Be Weighed Against A Duck To See If She Is A Witch
• 'It's literally a regurgitated joke from a Monty Python movie!" the Bee's CEO exclaimed.
• Facebook completely deactivated any monetizing tools for us on their site.
• Kyle’s tweet thread about this.
• What makes writing comedy for the internet difficult? How the articles are seen, shared, received, etc.
• It’s like a comedy show where you can’t talk to the audience directly. Instead, you must tell your jokes to Mark Zuckerberg. Then, he edits your joke and walks out to your audience and tells them the ones he finds appropriate. You’re never sure if a “bomb” is your fault or Mark’s.
• Check out Kyle’s op-ed in Thursday’s edition of the WSJ
• Kyle mentioned this Vulture article on how Facebook is killing comedy
• Funny or Die was thriving, then Facebook came along. They fired a bunch of their writers ‘cause it was impossible to write for Facebook’s algorithm. Every post throttled, etc.

Hate Mail

We get some very fiery Scottish rendition of this week’s hate mail.

Subscriber Lounge

• A more structured Subscriber Portion!
• Book updates and office updates 
• Mailbag
• Mega Bonus Hate Mail
• Headline Forum
• Exclusive cool Ethan and Kyle stories
• Email your cool stories for subscriber exclusive reading to podcast@babylonbee.com

Be sure to check out The Babylon Bee YouTube Channel for more podcasts, podcast shorts, animation, and more.

This is the Babylon Bee Interview Show.

In this episode of The Babylon Bee Podcast, Kyle and Ethan talk to Diana Glyer, author of Bandersnatch: C.S. Lewis, J.R.R. Tolkien, and the Creative Collaboration of the Inklings.. She has spent 40 years combing through archives, studying old manuscripts, and is considered a leading expert on C.S. Lewis and J.R.R. Tolkien. Her scholarship, her teaching, and her work as an artist all circle back to one common theme: creativity thrives in community. Kyle and Ethan talk to Dr. Glyer about Tolkien, Lewis, and the creativity that can happen in a community like The Inklings.

To watch or listen to the full podcast, become a subscriber at https://babylonbee.com/plans 

Topics Discussed

• Who were The Inklings?
• How does Creativity thrive in community?
• Tom Bombadil and the quiet “homely home” portions of LOTR
• Peter Jackson’s Lord Of The Rings trilogy
• “There are no dentists in Mordor”
• Tolkien caused C.S. Lewis to throw Narnia in the trash at one point
•  Differences between C.S. Lewis and Tolkien
• The Chronicles Of Narnia
• C.S. Lewis’ journey to faith and Tolkien’s consistent prayer for his friend
• G.K. Chesterton’s The Everlasting Man  influencing Lewis
• What was going on in the third book of Lewis’ Space Trilogy?
• Humans being sub-creators, Mythopoeia
• How much pipe weed did the Inklings go through?
• What is a Bandersnatch?
• Artists need brutally honest criticism to be better
• Diana likes our Decaf Condemned As Heresy mugs and Mt. Writemore mugs in our store

Subscriber Portion 

• Which of these modern writers make it into The Inklings or have been promptly kicked out?
• The Chronicles of Narnia movies
• How well did Christopher Tolkien manage to expand his father’s work?
• Amazon’s Lord of the Rings series gets the Game of Thrones treatment
• The Hobbit movies
• Drama and conflicts in The Inklings
• Dyson is the Yoko of the group
• The Ten Questions

This is the Babylon Bee Weekly News Podcast for the week of 10/16/2020.

In this episode of The Babylon Bee Podcast, Kyle and Ethan talk about the week’s biggest stories like ACB using a crucifix to defend herself from the Senate, Los Angeles allowing a large religious gathering after the Lakers win, and Biden telling voters they don’t deserve to know if he will enact a glorious communist utopia if elected. Kyle and Ethan also talk about the angry comments on the New York Times piece on The Babylon Bee and how dictionaries now are engaging in gaslighting the populace.

Be sure to check out The Babylon Bee YouTube Channel for more podcasts, podcast shorts, animation, and more.

To watch or listen to the full podcast, become a subscriber at https://babylonbee.com/plans.

Introduction

Welcome to The Babylon Bee where we talk about the news and have an animation playlist on YouTube...

Stuff That’s Good

Kyle likes Stephen King’s On Writing.

Ethan likes Gran Torino.

Weird News

Herd of charging cows in England kill second man in month

• Police are looking for witnesses to help with the investigation in who’s causing the charging cows 

 Thai hotel seeks deal with guest facing jail over bad reviews 

• Thailand’s criminal defamation and computer crimes acts, he could be fined up to 100,000 baht ($3,200) as well as facing jail time. 

• Reviewer said he was mad about a 500 baht ($16) corkage fee

Reporter confronts aggressive raccoon outside White House

• The incident was not the first confrontation between the media and racoons at the White House. 

• Reporter quoted “Frickin’ raccoons, man. God, again! This is the second time! Jesus...It always comes around right around when I’m about to go on TV...get!

Ex-jail employees charged for playing ‘Baby Shark’ on repeat

• Jail employees forced inmates to stand handcuffed for hours and listen to “Baby Shark” on repeat

Stories of the Week

Story 1 

Democrats Hiss In Terror As ACB Pulls Out Crucifix

Summary:  Amy Coney Barrett has eloquently defended herself through the Senate confirmation hearings this morning. But as Dems grew increasingly vicious, she was forced to turn to desperate measures. After several hours of hearings, Barrett pulled out a large crucifix and held it aloft. A light shone from the heavens, and the Democrats knew they were defeated.

• ACB took questions beginning Monday from the Senate about her judicial philosophy of originalism and how she would decide on cases related to the Affordable Care Act (Obamacare) and Roe V Wade.
• "I've made no commitment to anyone, not in this Senate, not over in the White House, about how I would decide any case,” said Judge Amy Coney Barrett “I’m not willing to make a deal, not with this committee, not with the President.”
• Sen. Mazie Hirono asks ACB "since you became a legal adult, have you ever made unwanted requests for sexual favors or committed any verbal or physical harassment or assault of a sexual nature?"
• @Erikrosalesnews tweeted: What is so amazing, Judge Amy Coney Barrett is testifying with only a small note pad and a pencil. She is a former law professor who is often correcting Senators on the details of the cases headed to the Supreme Court. She is schooling lawmakers.
• When she was confirmed as a Federal judge 3 years ago, Sen. Diane Feinstein said, “The dogma lives loudly with you.”
• The new Dem talking point is to scream loudly about Court Packing which nominating ACB is not. Here’s Dan Rather to illustrate.

Story 2

L.A. Mayor Allows Large Religious Gathering Outside Staples Center

Summary: Los Angeles Mayor Eric Garcetti, having opposed large religious gatherings in his city for the past 7 months, has suddenly reversed course, allowing a large worship service to take place in the streets of the city last night. Despite the ban on religious gatherings, the worshipers came together to honor their god, LeBron James, in a spontaneous outpouring of love and praise. Worshipers in this religion, rather than singing songs or saying prayers, topple cars and throw things at the police.

• Mayor Garcetti and Governor Gavin Newsom have famously been harassing churches that try to meet in defiance of the social distancing rules like Grace Community Church and John MacArthur
• They seemingly have no problem with BLM/ANTIFA marches and now everyone massing in the streets to celebrate the Lakers winning the NBA championship
• Did anyone watch it? There’s no salvaging these awful NBA Finals ratings

Story 3

Biden: 'I Won't Reveal Whether I Plan On Abolishing The Constitution And Establishing A Glorious Communist Utopia Until After I'm Elected'

Summary: Joe Biden was asked yet again today if he plans to abolish the Constitution, overthrow Congress, dismiss the Supreme Court, and set up a Communist regime to take their place. Once again, Biden refused to answer the question, saying voters will find out whether he plans to seize the means of production and institute a one-party rule, U.S.S.R.-style.

"Look, if I tell you whether or not I plan to institute a new Communist order, establishing a glorious worker-led revolution that will lead us out of this capitalistic nightmare and into a paradisical utopia, that would become the headline," Biden said. "That would be playing Trump's game. So I'm not going to say whether I support this great idea."

• Joe Biden and Kamala Harris have been dodging the question of whether they would consider packing the Supreme Court
• Biden says voters don’t deserve to know his position on court-packing. 

Topic of the Week: Even the dictionaries are beginning to gaslight people. The dictionary changed a word because of a moment at the ACB SCOTUS hearing to make something she said “offensive.”

• Kyle’s Orwell tweet about the definition being changed in a day to make ‘sexual preference’ defined as ‘offensive

Hate Mail

Sit back for these awesome comments to the recent NYT mostly peaceful piece on The Babylon Bee. Their readers were not happy.

Subscriber Portion

Kyle and Ethan talk about peanuts and a terrible yard sign you’ve probably seen around town.

Be sure to check out The Babylon Bee YouTube Channel for more podcasts, podcast shorts, animation, and more.

This is the Babylon Bee Interview Show.

In this episode of The Babylon Bee Podcast, Kyle and Ethan welcome back Christian apologist Greg Koukl of Stand To Reason. He is the author of Tactics and The Story of Reality. They analyze celebrity quotes about God and religion, discuss the horrors of the 20th century world wars, and reveal how Greg would convert Lady Gaga in 30 seconds using his tactics. They also get into the concept of “wokeness” and how awful a lot of modern worship songs really are.

 To watch or listen to the full podcast, become a subscriber at https://babylonbee.com/plans.

Topics Discussed

• The Greg Koukl Vs. Deepak Chopra faceoff
• Celebrity quotes about God (Woody Allen, Penn Jillette, Ricky Gervais, H.P. Lovecraft, Lady Gaga) 
• Running the Gauntlet
• Douglas Axe’s book Undeniable 
• The Strawman Fallacy
• Religion causing more war than atheism? 
• Lenin, Stalin, Mao, and Hitler
• Indoctrination and reading non-Christian books
• Illiberal bullying and bludgeoning
• Christian schools excluding non-Christians
• ‘Practical suicide’ (Being what you condemn)
• “LGBTQ Christians”
• Converting Lady Gaga in 30 seconds using Tactics
• Critical Race Theory infiltrating the church
• Intersectionality and social justice
• Greg’s book Tactics
• Greg’s book The Story of Reality

Subscriber Portion

• Stephen Colbert and atheists/agnostics
• Jordan Peterson’s tactics on this interview
• On not being good enough or virtuous enough to become a Christian?
• What the Bible says about “wokeness” 
• Subscriber-submitted questions
• Is God’s love reckless? And other thoughts on modern worship songs
• Miscellaneous heresies
• The Ten Questions

This is the Babylon Bee Weekly News Podcast for the week of 10/9/2020.

Be sure to check out The Babylon Bee YouTube Channel for more podcasts, podcast shorts, animation, and more.

In this episode of The Babylon Bee Podcast, Kyle and Ethan talk about the week’s biggest stories like Democrats hoping Trump “gets dead soon” after coming down with coronavirus, USA Today keeping the internet safe from satire, and Bee kids sending The Babylon Bee their best headline pitches. Kyle and Ethan also talk about murderous witches, Satanic billboards, and fat bears and get a chance to speak with filmmaker Matt Chastain about his new movie Small Group.

Introduction

Kyle hatches a scheme to fly across the country to be with his family and Kyle and Ethan discuss how kids age a parent.

Stuff That’s Good

Kyle likes his son’s  YouTube channel Punk Rock Kid

Ethan likes Brian Regan

Weird News

• Teen secures record for world's longest female legs
• • She is from Texas, 17 years old, 6’10” and has the longest legs record but not tallest woman (who happens to be 7’3” from Russia)
  • Taller than Doug TenNapel
• Palm tree takes trimmer for wild ride high over the ground
• • A tree trimmer in California went for a wild ride on a tall palm tree when cutting the fronds free caused the tree trunk to whip upright from a bent-over position.
• Man puts 125 scoops on an ice cream cone for world record
• • The 125 scoops were balanced on a single waffle cone
• US jails man who bought Lamborghini with government loan
• • He took out a 1.6 million dollar loan from the government for coronavirus lockdown aid and got noticed when he spent  200 grand on the car.
• Accused Killer Convinced Her Tinder Date to Join Murderous Coven of Witches
• • The couple accused of fatally strangling 24-year-old Sydney Loofe after wooing her on a dating app allegedly convinced at least one other Tinder date that they controlled a coven of witches who gained their powers by killing people.
  • “To get your power, you have to breathe in their last breath,” a witness, referred to on the stand as A.H., testified
• Satanic Temple Sues Billboard Company for Declining Abortion ‘Religious Ritual’ Advertisements
• • They’re trying to argue their religious freedom demands their right to an abortion and are suing the billboard company for religious discrimination for not putting up their billboard
• Fat Bear Week 2020 crowns chunkster "Earl of Avoirdupois" as fattest bear
• • Each week people had to vote between two bears on who they think is the fattest in a bracket
  • The winner was 1400 pounds roughly

Kindergarten teacher gets fired for tattooing his eyeballs black 

• Kindergarten teacher has spent 450 hours under the tattoo gun and still teaches ages 6 and up. Check out the picture!

Stories of the Week

Story 1 

Trump’s Hospital Room Flooded With 'Get Dead Soon' Cards From Democrats

Summary:  It’s been a trying time for the country and President Donald Trump as he has been stuck at Walter Reed Medical Center trying to get better. Keeping Trump company is a flood of cards from Democrats wishing him to “Get dead soon.”

“I hope you die!”, “You deserve this!”, and “I want you to die and go to hell -- Russian hell!” read some of the cards sent by poor-wishers, cards that now decorate the president's room. Such cards have become so popular that Hallmark has added a “For Sick Presidents You Don’t Like” section, including some humorous ones where a cartoon cat dances on Trump’s grave.

• Trump got COVID, so did a bunch of people at the White House.
• Media seemed pretty pumped that the President could die on Friday when it was announced that he has contracted the virus
• Trump walked himself to the helicopter on the White House lawn to go to the hospital “out of an abundance of caution”
• He posted several photos and videos over the weekend showing him working and thanking his supporters. Internet conspiracies went nuts about reflections on the table in the photos, the timestamps in the exif data, Trump seemingly signing a blank piece of paper i.e. “He staged these photos! He’s not working or he doesn’t have COVID!”
• The Media and bluecheck types seemed to either think Trump was faking COVID or was covering up how bad his situation was. 
• Trump rode around in an SUV to thank gathered supporters and wave
• Trump was released from the hospital Monday.

Story 2

Governor Whitmer Refuses To Throw Ring Of Power Back Into Fires Of Mount Doom

Summary: In legal news, a Michigan Supreme Court has ordered Governor Gretchen Whitmer to throw the Ring of Power, which she has wielded to enact tyrannical coronavirus restrictions upon her citizens, back into the fires of Mount Doom.

"Nooo! Not my precious!" Whitmer screamed as the state Supreme Court handed down the order to destroy the Ring. "Nasty, nasty Constitution! We don't likes it! Nasty, fat Founding Fathers!" She turned and left.

• The court ruled 4-3 that Whitmer's decision to declare a state of emergency without approval from state legislators was unconstitutional
• She could declare a state of emergency but must get approval for extension "after 28 days” according to the law
• The plaintiffs in the case were health care providers who could not perform “nonessential” medical procedures due to the extension
• Also Mentioned: Go to our Youtube Channel and check out a music video that seemed like it came out forever ago.

Story 3

USA Today Publishes Fact-Check On Whether A Priest, A Rabbi, And A Minister Really Walked Into A Bar Together

Summary: After hearing someone tell a questionable story about how a priest, a rabbi, and a minister walked into a bar together, USA Today published a 1,200-word fact check on the tall tale. Citing over 15 sources to cast doubt on the story, USA Today handily dismantled the fib. 

• USA TODAY actually fact checked this article with their story: Fact check: False claim suggesting Trump nominated Biden to the Supreme Court started out as satire

• They also fact checked Ninth Circuit Court Overturns Death Of Ruth Bader Ginsburg
• How many sources did they use to show this was factually inaccurate, morally true?

Topic of the Week: 

Christians making movies with Small Group Director Matt Chastain.

Also we asked subscribers to Send Us The Best Headline Pitches From Your Kids.

Hate Mail

We got a comment about the quiet man in plaid and the liberal in the Legend of Zelda t-shirt.

Subscriber Portion

MAILBAG

Sarah sends us a message asking about whether or not every Christian ought to have a “road to Damascus” conversion moment or a sense that “God told me” to know which way to go in life.

To watch or listen to the full podcast, become a subscriber at https://babylonbee.com/plans

This is The Babylon Bee Interview Show.

Be sure to check out The Babylon Bee YouTube Channel for more podcasts, podcast shorts, animation, and more.

In this episode, Kyle and Ethan talk to Kevin Sorbo. An outspoken actor, producer, and director, Kevin is perhaps best known for playing Hercules and, in Christian circles, for playing the angry atheist professor in God’s Not Dead. Kevin and his wife Sam have a new book together called True Faith: Embracing Adversity to Live in God's Light. Kyle and Ethan talk to Kevin about how he found true strength after suffering a stroke, married the Golden Hind, and now works to make movies that aren’t just for Christian audiences, but for everyone. 

Topics Discussed

• Golfing with Donald Trump and Jesse Ventura
• Hercules being the top show on television
• Having a stroke and going from Hercules to mere mortal
• Kull The Conqueror
• Don’t go to Dr. Die or Dr. Slaughter
• Writing True Strength and becoming a speaker
• Kissing stunt doubles
• Conservative, Christian heterosexual and looking for work in Hollywood
• Protect the sea turtle eggs, abort the fetuses?
• Kevin is working on a new show The World According To Billy Potwin
• Making movies that aren’t just for one audience
• Sorbo’s other recent work: Let There Be Light, What If…, God’s Not Dead, Miracle In East Texas
• Mask politics 
• ANTIFA
• Marrying the Golden Hind
• Disappointed!
• Hercules crew working on LOTR
• Bad TV props
• True Faith

Subscriber Portion

• Kevin Sorbo gives more juicy Hollywood stories
• What not to call your wife when she’s pregnant
• Before The Wrath
• Kyle and Ethan pitch Kevin Sorbo on some Christian movies that must be made
• Walking Tall: Lone Justice and Walking Tall: The Payback
• Hollywood regrets and frustrations
• The Ten Questions

To watch or listen to the full podcast, become a subscriber at https://babylonbee.com/plans.

This is the Babylon Bee Weekly News Podcast for the week of 10/2/2020.

In this episode of The Babylon Bee Podcast, Kyle and Ethan talk about the week’s biggest stories like it being revealed by the corporate press that Amy Coney Barrett is part of some weird religious cult that drinks blood, the nation’s libertarians cheering Trump’s smart avoidance of Federal theft, and a state without electricity now demanding everyone buy an electric car. Kyle and Ethan also react to the dumpster fire that is our nation’s presidential debate. Buckle your Chesterbelts, it’s another Babylon Bee News Show.

Introduction

Ethan wants face foam and Kyle visited Texas for The Texan’s Night With The Babylon Bee.

Stuff That’s Good

Kyle likes Stryper - Even the Devil Believes.

Ethan likes BREAKDOWN with Kurt Russell.

Weird News

• Coronavirus: Half a million sharks may be killed for virus vaccine
• Romanian mayor wins landslide re-election two weeks after death
• Bear with three legs steals Diet Coke from Florida garage
• Turkey crashes through window into Virginia home
• Couple win $100,100 in two-day lottery winning streak
• Man died from eating excessive amounts of black licorice
• Bengal govt releases obit for its ‘alive and healthy’ minister

Stories of the Week

Story 1 

CNN Reports Amy Coney Barrett Attended Bizarre Ceremony Where She Ate Flesh, Drank Blood Of Jewish Guy

Summary:  In a disturbing new report, CNN has revealed the bizarre practices of the strange cult Amy Coney Berrett belongs to. Known to some as "Christendom," it features many ancient rituals that were recorded by undercover CNN journalists at a strange stone building on Sunday where the ceremonies were held. Secret cameras showed Amy Coney Barrett kneeling before a priest-type figure as he recited some kind of incantation in a dead tongue. The priest then held up a round wafer and a goblet of red liquid which he announced to be the true body and blood of a Jewish rabbi who died 2000 years ago.They then brought a newborn baby to a basin of water and attempted to drown it.

• Both Are In The Same Church, But Media Love Joe Biden’s Faith And Hate Amy Coney Barrett’s
• She has 7 children, 2 adopted Haitan children. Some people call that potentially problematic like Director Of Antiracist Research @ Boston University Ibram X. Kendi (TIME lists him in the top 100 most influential ppl…) saying White colonizers ‘adopted’ blacks and ‘civilized’ them to use as props.. 
• She belongs to a charismatic Catholic church called “People of Praise”
• Newsweek published and then “corrected” a headline stating that her church inspired The Handmaid's Tale
• What options do Dems have? They don’t have the votes and there might be backlash if they are seen as attacking successful bright mother of 7

Story 2

Libertarian Voters Flock To Trump After Learning He Avoided Paying Taxes

Summary: Trump is polling high among an unexpected group: libertarians, who were energized and drawn to Trump's cause after the New York Times revealed that he paid as little as $750 in federal taxes some years.

• The NYT published last Sunday twenty years of back tax returns after some anonymous bureaucrat leaked it showing “chronic losses and years of tax avoidance”
• Within 4 hours Biden had a video ad attack the info contained in the leak
• It is illegal for the IRS to leak the personal tax returns of any individual. The Times is guarding its sources closely.
• Trump bragged in 2016 at debates that he paid the least amount of taxes that he legally could. “That makes me smart,” he said in a debate with Hillary.

Story 3

State With No Electricity Orders Everyone To Drive Cars That Run On Electricity

Summary: California, a state with no electricity, has ordered everyone to drive cars that run on electricity. Well, how dya like that

• California to ban all new gas-powered cars by 2035 under order by Gov. Gavin Newsom
• This doesn’t require a bill to be passed into law??? Gavin just decided this? School House Rock was a lie!

Topic of the Week: Biden-Trump Debate Reaction

Kyle and Ethan laugh and then cry a little when reacting to the first debate between Trump and Biden.

Hate Mail

Tony wants to know why it is our mission to spread misinformation and lies in this pandemic apocalyptic time and we also get accused of being “proud boy lovers”.

Love Mail

The people demand more animation and weird Bible stories.

Subscriber Portion

Kyle and Ethan talk muppets for some reason and answer an email from Holly about Kyle being such a rebel with his non-voting.

To watch or listen to the full podcast, become a subscriber at https://babylonbee.com/plans

This is The Babylon Bee Interview Show.

In this episode, Kyle and Ethan speak with Seamus Coughlin, who is the man behind FreedomToons and also an animator, writer, director, editor, and uncanny Ben Shapiro impersonator. Today, Seamus produces entertaining animated content for a number of outlets, and a good deal of his work can be found on the FreedomToons YouTube channel and the Foundation for Economic Education series Common Sense Soapbox with Seamus Coughlin. They talk about arson being bad, punching the Pope, and being as libertarian as the Catholic church allows. 

This episode is brought to you by Faithful Counseling. Go to faithfulcounseling.com/babylonbee for 10% off your first month.

Topics Discussed

• Introduction to FreedomToons: Ben Shapiro Thanksgiving
• Seamus does an excellent Ben Shapiro and Jordan Peterson impersonation
• Being as libertarian as the Roman Catholic church allows
• Roman Catholic teaching on mortal and venial sins (doing drugs, punching Pope)
• On not doing PopeToons and guarding ourselves from crossing the line
• The bizarre defense of arson
• How Seamus got into animation to begin with
• Being politically homeless
• Bernie Sanders giving the Establishment what they want
• Jordan Peterson tells us who would win between Donald Trump and a lobster
• Churchill wasn’t antifascist enough
• Ethan recommends Jonah Goldberg’s The Tyranny of Clichés
• The need for art in the right-of-center political sphere
• The creativity crunch that produced Right Wing Agitators
• Bill Watterson’s Calvin & Hobbes
• Explicitly Christian art vs. implicit themes and bad Christian art

Subscriber Portion

• On being a Russian bot
• YouTube’s relationship with conservative creators
• Weird google search results
• Russia and China
• Abortion so nobody lives in poverty
• The Rubin Report
• PragerU is not a real university
• South Park, The Simpsons, Family Guy
• Snopes attacking The Babylon Bee and the pros and cons of internet fact checkers 
• The Ten Questions

To watch or listen to the full podcast, become a subscriber at https://babylonbee.com/plans

This is the Babylon Bee Weekly News Podcast for the week of 9/25/2020.

In this episode of The Babylon Bee Podcast, Kyle and Ethan talk about the week’s biggest stories like the NBA’s heartwarming tribute to Ruth Bader Ginsburg, Donald Trump ordering all the nation’s schools to show the movie ‘Top Gun’ daily instead of 1619 Project materials, and how 95% of evangelicals don’t believe in God, the Bible, or Jesus. Kyle and Ethan also talk to demon and ghost investigator Billy Hallowell about demon possessions, infestations, and what happens when you use that Ouija board. 

Billy Hallowell’s new book is available now: Playing with Fire: A Modern Investigation into Demons, Exorcism, and Ghosts.

This episode is brought to you by Faithful Counseling. Go to faithfulcounseling.com/babylonbee for 10% off your first month.

Introduction

Kyle got kicked off Twitter for being a bot apparently and the guys and report live from Moscow.

Stuff That’s Good

Kyle likes the Dune audiobook

Ethan likes Scythian (the band).

Weird News

• Trump or Biden? Peruvian shamans try to predict U.S. election winner
• Belgian city finds its former mayor's heart in a fountain
• D.C. police wanted to use a HEAT RAY on protesters! (NTB)
• German soccer team loses 37-0 after social distancing on the field (NTB)
• Watch: Man spotted wearing live snake as a mask on city bus

Stories of the Week

Story 1: NBA Players Wear Special Lace Collars To Honor Ruth Bader Ginsburg

Summary: NBA players are honoring the life of Ruth Bader Ginsburg this week by wearing pretty lace collars just like Notorious RBG used to wear

• Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg died September 18, 2020, at the age of 87, from complications of metastatic pancreatic cancer
• She became known as a  leftist icon and dubbed The Notorious RBG by a law student (like the rapper The Notorious B.I.G.)
• Bill Clinton nominated her to SCOTUS 1993 (Bill was elected with 43% of popular vote in 1992)
• She became known as a liberal wing of the court and argued for gender equality and women’s “rights”
• Her death is right up on the election, leftist celebrities and media types like Reza Azlan are doubling down on threatening to burn everything down to the ground if the Republicans “ram” through a judge
• Romney said he would not block the vote and would vote based on the merits of the nominee, and that Trump as President can constitutionally nominate and the Senate can give advice and consent. This comes amid calls of hypocrisy since in 2016 the Republican led Senate blocked a vote on Merrick Garland nominated by Barack Obama.
• Trump has promised to nominate a woman. Because that’s important for some reason.
• Lefty types on Twitter seem to think this article was real. Really.

Story 2

Trump Orders Schools To Replace Anti-American Curriculum With Daily Viewings Of 'Top Gun'

Summary: In what many are calling the most popular Executive Order of all time, President Trump has ordered public schools to stop teaching anti-American history classes, replacing them all with daily viewings of Top Gun.

• Trump issued an executive order to stop federal agencies from using Critical Race Theory in their training materials and two weeks later says he will issue an Executive Order to fight critical race theory and 1619 project style curriculum in local schools across the nation
• Trump Launches 'Patriotic Education’ Commission, Calls 1619 Project 'Ideological Poison’
• Trump’s executive order was met with fierce backlash from commentators, who recognized it as authoritarian; New York Times opinion columnist Farhad Manjoo tweeted, “Kim Jong Un wasn’t writing him love letters, it was an instructional manual.”
• Culturally, this is one of the more important things Trump has done

Story 3

Survey Finds 95% Of Evangelicals Don't Believe In God, Bible, Jesus

Summary: A new study has found that 95% of evangelicals don’t believe in God, the Bible, or Jesus.

• Ligonier released their annual ‘State Of Theology” polling data and it’s not looking good:
• What do Americans believe about God, salvation, ethics, and the Bible? Ligonier Ministries and LifeWay Research partnered to find out. 
• 51% of US adults and 32% of evangelicals say “Jesus was a good teacher, but was not God”
• 63% US Adults/46% of evangelicals believe God accepts the worship of all religions
• 55%U.S. Adults/56% of evangelicals believe “Jesus is the first and greatest being created by God”
• 59% US adults/51% evangelicals agree with “The Holy Spirit is a force, but not a personal being.”
• 46% evangelicals agree with “Worshiping alone or with one’s family is a valid replacement for regularly attending church.
• 31% evangelicals agree with, “Churches must provide entertaining worship services if they want to be effective.”
• 24% evangelicals agree with, “Gender identity is a matter of choice.”
• 18% evangelicals agree with, “The Bible’s condemnation of homosexual behavior doesn’t apply today.”

Topic of the Week: Billy Hallowell’s Playing with Fire: A Modern Investigation into Demons, Exorcism, and Ghosts

• The world — and the church — sometimes tends to avoid or ignore the topic of demons and spiritual warfare

• The issue of source credibility

• Documented cases 

• Things Hollywoods gets wrong

• Christians- how to respond to demons

Hate Mail

We get a text message that we don't disagree with.

Subscriber Portion

Kyle and Ethan continue their talk with Billy Hallowell on specific crazy cases of demon and ghost stories and give him The Ten Questions.

This is The Babylon Bee Interview Show.

In this episode of The Babylon Bee Interview Show, Kyle and Ethan welcome back again The Bee’s favorite anarchist troll: Michael Malice, the author of Dear Reader and The New Right and host of "YOUR WELCOME" and Night Shade. They discuss the new Netflix movie that sexualizes children, which conspiracy theories are aging better than others, and how the depravity and malfeasance of the corporate press is without cessation. You can get more Michael Malice on YouTube, Twitter and Locals.

You can catch Michael’s previous appearances on The Babylon Bee Podcast here and here.

Topics Discussed

• The sexualization of children, ‘Cuties’, and the “enemy class (Mainstream figures defending Cuties)
• Power elites caught up in the Epstein scandal
• Conspiracy theories like QAnon, PizzaGate, RussiaGate and all the other Gates
• Public schools/homeschooling
• People who collect jars of urine
• Going back to cassette tapes over CDs
• The case of Breonna Taylor and the ethics of No Knock style raids
• Meth in energy drinks and drug cartel leaders not names “El Guapo”
• Ethan solves the prison overcrowding problem
• The Crossfit CEO situation
• We all need the space suits from Aliens with light up helmets going forward
• Government overreach to do anything to solve a problem and not worry about the unintended consequences
• Internet search engines and mainstream press making it impossible to find alternative views
• American propaganda using celebrities like the cringe New York PSA
• Jim Gaffigan’s twitter rant about Trump
• Donating to Biden’s campaign for the comedy
• Conservatives, libertarians, conservatarians, and the essence of the boomercon 

Subscriber Portion

• George W Bush was not a Jr.
• Anarchist cliches
• Underground libertarian parties
• Why did Christ have to die?
• “Losers and suckers” of World War I? 
• Edibles
• Going to war against Japan in World War II
• Appealing to standards of objective morality
• The NEW Ten Questions and they’re a bit more intense
• Also mentioned: Our Birthday Present To Michael Malice.

To watch or listen to the full podcast, become a subscriber at https://babylonbee.com/plans

This is the Babylon Bee Weekly News Podcast for the week of 9/18/2020.

In this episode of The Babylon Bee Podcast, Kyle and Ethan talk about the week’s biggest stories like how Netflix is putting out films to show how bad something is by having actors do that thing, Democrats are threatening chaos and death if they don’t get their way in November, and a woman is marrying a tree. Kyle and Ethan do a rundown of the most weird stories of the Bible and come up with great band names like Stabbing Eglon.

Introduction

Welcome to The Babylon Bee, the only podcast on the internet where two pasty white guys tell you what they think about politics.

Kyle has a church visit horror story.

Stuff That’s Good

Kyle LOVES They Shall Not Grow Old - 2018 documentary by Peter Jackson featuring restored and colorized footage of World War I. No narrator, no framing, no commentary, just audio of actual World War I vets over the footage. Very few historical details, just the soldiers’ experiences. An incredibly moving film.

Ethan likes Norm MacDonald’s Based On a True Story Audiobook.

BEARS WANT TO KILL YOU IS BACK

Weird News

• Zoo's sloths appear to kiss on camera in first encounter
• Watch: Bear nudges Massachusetts man napping by backyard pool
• Man beats his own record after sitting in tub of ice for over two hours
• Man breaks into home and poops in dishwasher
• 'Tropical' bird turns out to be a seagull someone dyed electric blue
• Mum-of-two who married a tree celebrates their first wedding anniversary
• Virginia man gets permission to be buried in Juicy Fruit-themed casket

Stories of the Week

New Netflix Movie Actually Murders Puppies To Teach That Murdering Puppies Is Bad

Democrats Reveal They Have Planted Dynamite All Around Nation And Will Blow It Up If Biden Isn't Elected

Summary: Democrats are offering their most persuasive case yet for Biden's election claiming that ‘A Vote for Trump is a vote for more violence’. They said if Biden is not elected  president they will detonate a series of explosives and millions will die. 

• From Shadi Hamid at the Atlantic “A loss by Joe Biden under these circumstances is the worst case not because Trump will destroy America (he can’t), but because it is the outcome most likely to undermine faith in democracy, resulting in more of the social unrest and street battles that cities including Portland, Oregon, and Seattle have seen in recent months. For this reason, strictly law-and-order Republicans who have responded in dismay to scenes of rioting and looting have an interest in Biden winning—even if they could never bring themselves to vote for him.”

Academy Strips 'Schindler's List' Of Best Picture Award Due To Lack Of Diversity

Summary: Schindler’s List is considered to be one of the greatest films about the holocaust and man’s ability to do good in the midst of evil-- well until now. The Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences recently ruled that films without representation from LGBTQ+ characters, people of color, and other oppressed groups would not be eligible to win Oscars. Sorry Schindler’s List!

• According to The Academy’s new Best Picture rules—which go into full effect in 2024—films must meet at least two of four new standards that stipulate roles both onscreen and behind the scenes be filled by people from underrepresented groups, including race, women, LGBTQ and people with cognitive or physical disabilities, including the deaf and hard of hearing.
• Who says they decide what the best picture is? “You can’t be the best unless you follow our rules” sounds like playground talk. 
• Among the critics was actress Kirstie Alley, who didn’t mince words: “The new RULES to qualify for ‘best picture’ are dictatorial…anti-artist…Hollywood you’re swinging so far left you’re bumping into your own a**.”
• It’s almost as if the racists are suggesting the criteria for best picture should be that it was a picture and it was the best one. 
• Movies are one of the great ways to see into another culture and understand them better. Cultures should get their own films. 

Topic of the Week: Weird Bible Stories

There are a ton of beautiful, inspiring stories in the Bible. We all know about those ones. But there’s also a lot of weird stuff. Some nasty stuff too. 

• The Bible shows us a true picture of reality, including the sad and horrific stuff, as well as the bizarre stuff no one can explain. 
• Why do you think we shy away from telling these stories?
• Why do you think they’re in the Bible?
• Jael and the Tent stake (Judges 4:9-22)
• Elisha and the she-bears (2 Kings 2:23-24)
• Balam’s talking donkey (Numbers 22:21-39)
• Stabbing Eglon (Judges 3:12-30)
• Ezekiel baking bread over poo (Ezekiel 4:9)
• God tells prophet Hosea to marry the prostitute Gomer (Hosea 1)
• Nebuchadnezzar cursed to eat grass for 7 years (Daniel 4)
• Elijah mocking the prophets of Ba’al- “Maybe your god is on the toilet!” (1 Kings 18)
• Guy who fell asleep during a sermon and fell out the window (Acts 20:7-12)
• Actually did a Bee article about this
• Paul resurrected him! 
• Jesus letting the demons go into the herd of pigs (Luke 8:26-39)
• Jesus curses the fig tree (Mark 11:12-25) 

Hate Mail

We always get great hate mail.

Enjoy our latest animation: Better Cops! (Also watch it here on our YouTube channel and SUBSCRIBE!)

Subscriber Portion

Kyle and Ethan dive into the mailbag to answer questions from subscribers about tattoos and reading books.

To watch or listen to the full podcast, become a subscriber at https://babylonbee.com/plans.

This is The Babylon Bee Interview Show.

In this episode, Kyle and Ethan talk to Sam Sorbo, who is a major advocate for home education in a time when many people are starting to look at it as an alternative in an age  of virtual schooling, pandemic lockdowns, and kindergartners doing 2 hour zoom meetings. Her books include They’re Your Kids: An Inspirational Journey From Self- Doubter To Home School Advocate and Teach From Love: A School Year Devotional For Families. Her new book, with her husband Kevin, is True Faith: Embracing Adversity to Live in God's Light. She is also the host of The Sam Sorbo Podcast.

Topics Discussed

• Public schools not serving our kids
• Virtual schooling and pandemic lockdowns
• Parents ceding authority to the school
• Children lecturing parents
• The purpose of education
• Education as daycare
• School doesn’t take 7-½ hours a day
• What about college?
• Does college tuition make sense?
• Teachers concerned about parents getting in the way with their “racism” and backwards views
• Aren’t homeschoolers weird?
• Bullies teaching kids not to bully and in our culture nowadays bullying seems to be fine anyway
• Common core math and the 1619 Project
• “Homeschooling is not ‘school at home.’ It is the education of your child. They are two different beasts.”

To watch or listen to the full podcast, become a subscriber at https://babylonbee.com/plans.

This is The Babylon Bee Weekly News Show for the week of 9/11/2020.

In this episode of The Babylon Bee Podcast, Kyle and Ethan talk about the week’s biggest stories like California’s progressive green energy grid leading the nation in brownouts, anonymous sources totally confirming that Trump punched a baby, and a man blowing up his house in an attempt to swat a fly. Kyle and Ethan also dig into the video archives to find really weird videos from Christian music and educational programming to talk about how weird they are. For example, why is that loaf of bread talking to us?

Intro

Kyle and Ethan discuss September 11 and Frank J. Fleming’s Superego: Fathom Audible release.

Stuff That’s Good

Kyle likes the video game Fall Guys.

Ethan likes a Youtube Channel called Corridor Crew.

Weird News

• Beer made with whale testicle and sheep dung among exhibits at 'disgusting' booze museum

• The Swedish museum says people can be "very desperate to get drunk" and in such a situation become "quite inventive"

• Other gross brews: wine fermented in a prison toilet, a spit-fermented cornmeal beer from Peru, a Ugandan gin made from fermented bananas, and an ancient Korean beverage fermented from children's faeces and rice, which was thought to be medicinal in the past. There is also a strong Scottish brew served from the mouth of a taxidermied squirrel.

• Anheuser-Busch's non-alcoholic 'Dog Brew' quickly sells out

• Why not feed the dogs the whale testicle beer
  
  

• Doctors pull 4ft snake from woman’s throat after it slithered in as she slept 

• Doctors remove 15lb ball of hair from teenager’s stomach

• Residents rescue donkey with plastic chair stuck around its head 

• Goat hops into deputy's car, chews on civil papers, head butts officer

• Man, 80, blows up his kitchen while trying to swat a fly

Stories of the Week

Governor Newsom Claims Rolling Blackouts Are To Show Support For Black Lives Matter

Summary: California has been experiencing blackouts across the state. While many thought the blackouts were due to poor planning and unrealistic green energy requirements, Governor Gavin Newsom clarified that he ordered the blackouts as a powerful display supporting BLM.

• CA passed AB-32 in 2006 which basically says the state should be half green energy by 2025.
• CA currently is about 30% powered by wind and solar (mostly solar)
• During heatwaves there is no wind, and at night there is no sun, so at night, CA loses nearly 30% of its energy. 
• SCIENCE!

'Humans Are Basically Good,' Says Man Who Has Never Met A 3-Year-Old

Summary: Local man Chad Bruner says he believes all humans are born good, that altruism is man’s natural state, and that it is society and parenting that corrupts them. Incidentally, Bruner had no younger siblings, no kids of his own, not even any nephews or nieces or even some neighbor kids. When asked ‘Have you ever even met a three year old once in your life?” he answered no.

Anonymous White House Source Claims Trump Punched A Baby

Summary: According to an anonymous source in the White House, President Trump shocked aides and other staffers last year when he lost his temper and punched a baby in the face.

• The Atlantic published a piece saying that Trump called the dead soldiers in a war “losers.”
• When [John] McCain died, in August 2018, Trump told his senior staff, according to three sources with direct knowledge of this event, 'We're not going to support that loser's funeral,' and he became furious, according to witnesses, when he saw flags lowered to half-staff. 'What the f--- are we doing that for? Guy was a f---ing loser,' the president told aides."
• Trump and many from the White House staff have forcibly denied the allegations published in The Atlantic on Thursday, alleging, according to four unnamed sources, that the president referred to dead soldiers buried at the Aisne-Marne American cemetery near Paris as "suckers" and that the land was "filled with losers" during his visit to France in 2018.
• People present came out and said it didn’t happen, including our favorite walrus, John Bolton.

Topic of the Week

The Babylon Bee Writers React to Weird Christian Videos

Jesus is a Friend of Mine  

Third Eagle of the Apocalypse 

The Renewed Mind Is The Key

Carman - A Witch’s Invitation

Creepy bread loaf at minute 1:50

Hate Mail

Young earth creationists send in some hate over our recent interview and some guy wrote us to make sure we knew that Trump did not punch that baby.

Subscriber Portion

Calvin H. sent in audio and wants to know from Kyle what a libertarian America would look like and the guys tell more stories about crazy stuff that neighbors and family friends have done to them.

To watch or listen to the full podcast, become a subscriber at https://babylonbee.com/plans.

This is The Babylon Bee Interview Show.

In this episode of The Babylon Bee Podcast, Kyle and Ethan talk to A. L. Van Den Herik who is the author of a new book called The Shortest Leap: The Rational Underpinnings of Faith in Jesus. This is a great dialogue about the historical, rational, and scientific arguments for Christianity and how a person decides to become a Christian.They discuss whether a woman can write an apologetics book, break Ethan’s brain with Einstein’s law of relativity, and trigger Kyle with old earth arguments. 

Topics Discussed

• C.S. Lewis and apologetics
• Women writers on the Christian book scene
• Allyson’s conversion from hardcore atheist & leftist to Christianity
• Tarantula wasps and rabbits eating their own poop
• Dinosaurs are cool
• God’s wisdom in how he has revealed Himself
• Time dilation & light speed travel or how the movie Interstellar maybe backs up the days of the Genesis creation account
• Were all of her professors at Stanford and Berkley like Kevin Sorbo’s character in God’s Not Dead?
• The Noah’s Ark story and did people ride dinosaurs?
• Do people decide to be a Christian through pure reason?
• “Christians” that don’t believe in God
• Pagan creation, flood and resurrection myths
• Parenting tips while working on big projects
• Working for Rush Limbaugh
• The Ten Questions

To watch or listen to the full podcast, become a subscriber at https://babylonbee.com/plans.

This is The Babylon Bee News Show for the week of 9/4/2020.

This episode of The Babylon Bee Podcast is brought to you by Faithful Counseling.Go to faithfulcounseling.com/babylonbee and get 10% off your first month! 

In this episode of The Babylon Bee Podcast, Kyle and Ethan talk about the week’s big stories like a mysterious man with a jetpack spooking airline pilots approaching LAX, people are being karate chopped in the throat at church now, and wild bears are becoming regular customers at a convenience store. Kyle and Ethan also talk about rejected Babylon Bee headlines that for one reason or another didn’t make the cut. Also, Kyle and Ethan got turned into a cartoon and President Trump retweeted The Babylon Bee. 

Introduction

Bee Fan Zander sent us an awesome animation of Kyle’s origin story, where Kyle discovered he had super satirical powers, and we moved to a new office!

Stuff That’s Good

Kyle: HOPE Coffee

Ethan: The Monster Engine

Weird News

Not The Bee has hit the ground running and will definitely be our go-to place for harvesting weird real news from now on .

• A lady got throat-chopped by another lady in a Catholic church service and I have so many questions (NTB)

• This weird looking sheep just sold for half a million (NTB)

• 3-year-old gets tangled in kite, literally goes flying 100 feet into the air

• 2 airline pilots report seeing "a guy in a jetpack" flying next to them above LAX

• Bears make repeated visits to California convenience store

• Two large pythons crash through man's kitchen ceiling

Stories of the Week

Large Turnout At Memorial For Hans Gruber Who Was Thrown From A Building By A Police Officer
Summary: A huge crowd turned out Sunday for the memorial service of a victim of extreme police violence, Hans Gruber. Gruber was thrown from the top floor of Nakatomi Plaza by New York police officer John McClane, which many consider one of the most excessive uses of force ever witnessed. McClane was not even in his jurisdiction at the time of the crime.

Biden: 'If You Thought The Republican Convention Was Good, Just Wait 'Til We Have Our Convention!'

Summary: Joe Biden conceded today that the Republican Convention was "alright," "pretty inspiring, to be honest," and "a real gas."  But also said the Democratic Convention is going to be "even better” in a conversation with a department store mannequin. It was unclear how Biden got into the department store, as it's been out of business since 2013. Aides located him after they put out a Silver Alert and coaxed him into a windowless van by writing "FREE HAIR" on the side. They were then able to transport him safely back to the basement for storage until the election.

• Trump retweeted us 

14 Mostly Accurate CNN Headlines From The Last 6,000 Years Of Human History

Summary: CNN has been there from the beginning, always running toward the important stories and absolutely never covering them up. We went through CNN's archives and dug up these 14 headlines they published while covering some of the most significant events of human history. They are truly a bastion of truth and honesty in journalism.

Topic of the Week

Babylon Bee Headlines We Never Published

Hate Mail

We encounter another Susan out in the wild.

Subscriber Portion

Kyle and Ethan lead subscribers on a tour our new office, talk about their plans for growth and where things have come, They also read some more of Ethan's and Kyle's very first headlines from the early days.

To watch or listen to the full podcast, become a subscriber at https://babylonbee.com/plans.

In this episode of The Babylon Bee Podcast, Kyle and Ethan talk to Andrew Klavan an author, screenwriter, essayist, and host of The Andrew Klavan Show at The Daily Wire. They discuss whether good storytelling requires sex & violence, movies that ruined entire movie genres, and going from secular Jew to Christian at age 49. Kyle and Ethan pitch their best movie remake ideas and they talk shop with a fellow satirist.

Topics Discussed

• Edgar Awards are ugly
• Writing scripts for Hollywood
• Going full skinhead and entering conservative media
• Ruining a perfectly good headline [SATIRE]
• A secular Jew becoming a Christian at age 49
• Kyle and Ethan pitch movie ideas to Klavan that are in dire need of a remake
• Movies that ruined movies
• On the necessity of putting sex, cursing & violence in stories
• Stephen King’s twitter feed
• Behind-the-scenes Ben Shapiro stories
• Church shopping during lockdown
• Andrew judges some our subscriber satirical headline pitches
• The Ten Questions

In this episode of The Babylon Bee Podcast, Kyle and Ethan talk about the  week’s big stories like the news surrounding Jerry Falwell Jr., Netflix trying to normalize pedophilia before celebrities get outed by Ghislaine Maxwell, and how flatulence during lockdown may be leading to a rise in elder abuse. They also do a rundown of their top ten comedy movies of all time, read some hate mail, and talk about infant baptism and lame church websites.

Intro

We are in The Babylon Bee Autonomous Zone and Ethan has a milestone birthday today!

Stuff That’s Good

Kyle likes Legend of Korra.

Ethan likes the Richard Jewell movie directed by Clint Eastwood.

Weird News

• Florida woman arrested after beating her father for his flatulence
• Colombian authorities on Tuesday arrested two Florida fugitives who are accused of selling toxic bleach as a fake coronavirus cure.
• Jerry Falwell Jr. officially resigns as Liberty University president, university confirms
• Woman, 21, posted for sale as joke wasn’t funny, say RCMP in B.C.
• Neighbour's note demands mum limits toddler's time outside as he annoys her dogs

• Netherlands fights 'wild peeing' with hemp-filled public urinals
• Bear wanders into California grocery store, steals bag of chips
• Stealthy thieves steal 330-pound safe from ninja museum

Stories of the Week

Story 1

Hollywood Elites Rush To Normalize Pedophilia Before They're All Outed By Ghislaine Maxwell

Summary: With Epstein’s infamous assistant Ghislaine Maxwell awaiting trial and testimony in prison, many celebrities, politicians, and entertainment industry elites are rushing to make pedophilia generally acceptable before they’re outed as patrons of Epstein’s notorious island.

Story 2

California Ends Exploitation Of Workers For Good By Banning All Jobs

Summary: California has claimed victory over the horrible abuse and exploitation of workers at the hands of evil employers with a new bill, AB666, which will make it a crime to work for a living.

Story 3

 Gen Xers Decide To Split Off From Rest Of Society And Form A Utopia That’s All Relaxed And Cool And, You Know, Whatever

Summary: After years being stuck between the lame boomers and the extra millennials, Generation X has finally decided to do the sensible thing and split off from the rest of society and make a utopia that will be all relaxed and chill and not get worked up over everything.

Topic of the Week

Kyle and Ethan talk about their Top 10 Comedy Movies Of All Time 

Hate Mail

We encounter a Susan and somebody keeps commenting on the podcast telling us to quit podcasting and go back to being funny.

Subscriber Portion

Mailbag: Kyle, Ethan, and Producer Dan answer an audio question from subscriber Clarence Thomas Aquinas about infant baptism. He says he only listens to ⅔ of the episodes though. Kyle and Ethan also tackle a question about a church’s online presence.

Also Mentioned: The R.C. Sproul vs. John MacArthur debate on infant baptism.

In this episode of The Babylon Bee Podcast, Kyle and Ethan talk to Dr. David Fisher, one of The Babylon Bee’s longest-tenured writers going back to the Adam Ford days when The Bee was still funny. David Fisher is a physician with Doctors Making Housecalls in Durham, NC and is board certified in family medicine, geriatrics, and palliative care. He is the author of How to Keep Mom (and Yourself) Out of a Nursing Home: Seven Keys to Keeping Your Independence. They talk about the politics and science of COVID, the myths and censorship surrounding a certain medicine that shall not be named, and how to exercise your fart holders.

Topics Discussed

• Is COVID a hoax?
• Do masks do anything?
• What is the deal with the drug that can’t be named (the H word)?
• Doc is recovering from COVID
• Any thoughts on that video of “medical doctors” that is going around? Banned by Facebook, Twitter, Google, YouTube
• Health impacts of the lockdown
• Visiting loved ones in the hospital
• How to keep your mom and yourself out of a nursing home
• Laughter is good medicine

Subscriber Portion

“Doc Savage” answers The Babylon Bee subscriber questions that were submitted to us and not screened at all. 

Also mentioned:  

Archaeologists Discover Prophet Daniel's Weight Loss Diary

Report: Baptists' Impressive Life Expectancy Linked To Casserole Consumption

Church Service Canceled After Guitar Cable Identifies As Female

Joel Osteen Launches Line Of Pastoral Wear: 'Sheep's Clothing'

This is The Babylon Bee Weekly News Show for the week of 8/21/2020.

Watch or listen to this episode on our podcast page, where subscribers can find full length episodes, or over on our YouTube channel. Subscribe using your favorite podcast platform here.

In this episode of The Babylon Bee podcast, Kyle and Ethan talk about the week’s biggest stories like Twitter “accidentally” suspending the Babylon Bee for the web’s darkest 90 minutes, the humble Postal Service being the focus of all the nation’s fire and fury, and how students got arrested for the peaceful protest with sidewalk chalk outside a Planned Parenthood. Kristan Hawkins, President for Students For Life, talks to The Babylon Bee and silliness ensues.  

Show Outline

Introduction

Stuff That’s Good

Kyle likes The Peanut Butter Falcon.

Ethan likes: The Last Narc on Amazon Prime.

Weird News

Mum's disbelief after returning home to find naughty puppy had eaten her savings

Beer company accidentally names itself after pubic hair

Factory malfunction causes chocolate rain in Switzerland

Cow surprises beach-goers by emerging from the sea

Newlyweds shamed for wedding cake that looks like 'burnt mutilated cow flesh'

Woman catches Amazon driver mid-squat pooing in her garden

Stories of the Week

Story 1

Twitter Apologizes After Intern Accidentally Sets Coffee On ‘Destroy All Conservatives’ Button

Summary: A large number of conservative and satirical Twitter accounts that criticize the left were shut down yesterday in what CEO Jack Dorsey says was, "a totally honest mistake." Dorsey claims an intern set their coffee on a button labeled, 'Destroy All Conservatives,' which is located in the commons area near the coffee machine and easy to miss if you're not paying attention. 

• A growing trend of non-woke satirists getting suspended like Titania McGrath and others.
• The Babylon Bee twitter account was down for 90 minutes. Kyle and Dan had to verify their accounts to log back in.
• Twitter says they are sorry:
• Meanwhile, "Drag Queen Story Hour" posts tweet deemed pedophilic, locks account after pushback
• This only seems to be happening in one direction against non-leftists or the non-woke

Story 2 

Brilliant Trump Puts Himself On All Postage Stamps, Forcing Democrats To Push For Abolishing USPS

Summary: Sources are reporting that Trump has dealt a killer blow in his ongoing war against his sworn enemy, the United States Postal Service. In a move of sheer, mind-blowing brilliance, Trump directed the Post Office to put his face on every single stamp, forcing the Democrats to reverse course and abolish the institution once and for all. 

Story 3

Oops! Public School Teacher Forgets To Remove Antifa Mask Before Logging On For Class

Summary: Parents are raising concerns after a teacher opened her Monday morning online class in full Antifa riot gear. According to witnesses, Willow Maven, a local first-grade teacher and prolific scarf knitter, began teaching her online class, not realizing she was still wearing a black ski mask and a leather jacket emblazoned with an Antifa logo.

• Prophecy fulfilled
• A thread where teachers talk about their concern over parents being able to listen in to what they actually teach kids

Topic of the Week

Kyle and Ethan talk to Kristan Hawkins who is the president for the nation’s largest youth pro-life organization: Students For Life. 

Hate Mail

We get some hate from someone who seems to think we are mocking John MacArthur.

Subscriber Portion

Kyle and Ethan continue their conversation with Kristen Hawkins and get into the stuff they couldn’t say in front of the paywall. Crazy stories, many more Flowerbeds, and the Ten Questions. Sorry, freeloaders!

To watch or listen to the full podcast, become a subscriber at https://babylonbee.com/plans

In this episode, Kyle and Ethan talk to Phil Johnson who is the executive director of Grace to You. He has been closely associated with John MacArthur since 1981 and edits most of Pastor MacArthur’s major books. Phil also founded several popular websites, including The Spurgeon Archive, The Hall of Church History, and the Pyromaniacs blog. He is an ordained elder and pastor at Grace Community Church, which is in the news recently for its decision to meet on the Lord’s Day for worship in defiance of California orders to socially distance. 

Topics Discussed

• Grace Community Church deciding to meet on Sunday in a “peaceful protest”
• Response to critics of opening the church
• Pot is essential, church is not
• Does John MacArthur read The Babylon Bee?
• Emoji game is strong for J-Mac
• Gavin Newsom and his nefarious schemes
• Spurgeon and smoking a good cigar to the glory of God
• Baptists hate alcohol though
• The emergent church, wokeness, and the Young, Restless, Reformed

Subscriber Portion

• Inside scoop on John MacArthur including several stories that are unbelievable like getting into an altercation with a cultist and driving over to a house to stop an adulterous act 
• Kyle dropping out of The Master’s College
• Charismatic chaos and how people keep rushing the stage at GCC.
• The Ten Questions!

Also mentioned: Phil Johnson gave a message exploring the history of “Calvinism”

Also: Phil Johnson’s Po-Motivators.

To watch or listen to the full podcast, become a subscriber at https://babylonbee.com/plans.

In this episode of The Babylon Bee podcast, Kyle and Ethan talk about the week’s biggest stories like Biden picking Kamala Harris as his running mate, irrefutable atheist arguments that will have you running out to buy a sophisticated trilby hat, and how bored boars and bats are attacking naked Germans and libertarians.

This episode is brought to you by The Compromised Church by Frederick A. Herschelman. 

Exploring issues like the prosperity gospel, the entertainment-centered, seeker-sensitive church, and the importance of lay believers and pastors alike remaining biblically faithful in a time when we’re being pressured to compromise our beliefs, The Compromised Church is a timely exposé of the complacency in American Christianity today.

Show Outline

Introduction

Stuff That’s Good

Kyle likes HBO’s Chernobyl.

Ethan likes Jubilee - Middle Ground on YouTube.

Weird News

Naked German man chases down feral hog that stole his laptop

World's last Blockbuster video store listed on Airbnb

Wild boar leads police on hours-long chase through city

Researchers teaching robots to write a stage play in Czech Republic

Domino's New Zealand pulls promotion giving free pizzas to 'Karens'

Australian pub bans emus for 'bad behavior'

Libertarian Presidential Nominee Jo Jorgensen Bitten by Bat | Time

Woman who gouged out eyes while on meth receives prosthetic eyeballs

Stories of the Week

Story 1

Chicago Mayor Drives Past Looters To Arrest 7-Year-Old Having A Birthday Party

Summary: The mayor of Chicago made headlines this week when she heroically drove her car toward a group of pillaging looters, then swerved past them to arrest a 7-year old having a birthday party.

Story 2 

Biden Campaign Warns That For Debate Biden Will Need A Mask That Completely Conceals His Face And He Might Sound Different

Summary: The Biden Campaign has said they are open to debating Donald Trump  however they have warned the press that Joe Biden will need to wear a mask that completely conceals his face and that his voice  might sound different 

Story 3

10 Irrefutable Atheist Arguments That Will Explode Your Feeble Christian Brain

Summary: Go ahead and order that fedora or trilby.

Topic of the Week

Kamala Harris chosen as Joe Biden’s running mate

• RIP Kamala was trending on Twitter
• Whats the point of a VP anyway?
• What the left said about her then vs now
• Tulsi Gabbard torpedoed her on her criminal justice record
• What Kamala said about Joe Biden vs now
• Kamala Harris gun ownership
• Kamala Harris on abortion

Hate Mail

We get a very confusing message leading us to wonder who at the Democratic National Committee runs the Department of Approved Jokes.

Subscriber Portion

Mailbag! We get a video question from our buddy Cameron!

To watch or listen to the full podcast, become a subscriber at https://babylonbee.com/plans.

In this episode of The Babylon Bee Interview Show, Kyle and Ethan talk to good friend of The Babylon Bee: Steve Reiter. Steve is the host of the Holy Smokes Podcast, which is about a friendship movement of cigar smoking Christians. Steve and his sons were kept apart from his sick wife for several weeks due to the inhumane policy of no visitors whatsoever for hospitalized patients during the pandemic. Steve’s wife ended up dying alone. Since then, Steve has founded the Never Alone Project to pass legislation to make sure this doesn’t happen again to anyone else ever again. Warning: this episode is a hard story to hear, but, Kyle, Ethan, and Steve are able to find joy and laughter in their fellowship together despite hard times.

Read Steve’s full story in this piece on The Federalist.

In addition to checking out the Never Alone Project, there’s a Change.org petition that you can sign.

Topics Discussed

• Steve tells the story of his wife’s health and long stay in the hospital alone due to arbitrary rules
• Our humanity being being both physical and spiritual
• Steve’s efforts in Colorado on a bill to force the issue of at least one screened visitor per day
• The failure of government and hospital administration at every step leading up to this
• Steve’s advice for anyone stuck in this situation
• Steve is the host of Holy Smokes Podcast, so he talks a bit about that
• Steve worked for Dr. James Dobson at Focus On The Family and Ethan seems to have him confused for someone else
• The Ten Questions

In this special crossover episode of The Babylon Bee Podcast, Kyle and Ethan welcome the guys from That Story Show: James Kennison and John Steinklauber! This episode is filled with stories about misplacing children, skeletons, bombs, zombies from Jesus, casting out demons, and the wacky things that 4-year-olds do. In the subscriber portion, we finally get Ethan’s disgusting pizza story and read some of our own subscriber submissions!

Stories Discussed

• 4 year old antics
• Christians that aren’t being a good witness on the road with their massive JESUS bumper stickers
• There are some things the GOODWILL guys will NOT take
• When zombies interrupt worship and romance
• Autobot transforming piano tuners
• An Innocent bomb threat
• In defence of skeletons
• Cookie Jerky
• The quarterly casting out of the demons
• What’s wrong with The Smurfs?
• Sandy Patty
• Farting in church

Subscriber Portion

• Ethan’s disgusting pizza story
• The Babylon Bee Subscriber submissions
• The Ten Questions!

In this episode of The Babylon Bee Interview Show, Kyle and Ethan talk to Brett and Erin Kunkle who founded and lead MAVEN, which is an organization that exists to help the next generation know truth, pursue goodness, and create beauty, all for the cause of Christ. They talk about how we need to update the flannelgraphs, prompt the next generation to ask why they believe what they believe, and help youth groups equip the next generation with worldview knowledge, apologetics, and deep theology. They also discuss discernment in how G-rated movies are probably rotting your kid’s brain with cultural messages, screen time restrictions, and wacky youth group games and pranks that would probably land you in court nowadays. There’s also sage marriage advice from Erin in the subscriber portion.

Topics Discussed

• Brett and Erin Kunkle lead up a group called MAVEN which is a movement of students who know truth, pursue goodness and create beauty.
• Flannelgraphs being updated for modern sunday school lessons
• Parenting and youth ministry challenges
• Teaching the Why and not just the What
• Catechisms and deepening our relationship with God just be knowing who He is
• Prompting the “Why?” questions as a parent, instead of waiting for them
• Teaching kids to crush the monks with facts and logic
• Blue-haired ladies on TikTok indoctrinating teenagers
• Screen time restrictions for kids
• Youth groups can be more than pizza and games
• Intergenerational church experiences
• Eating bugs for the kingdom and handling dead animals
• G-rated movies are rotting your kid’s brains
• Narrating life for your kids to help them see what’s going on around them

Subscriber Portion

• Holy Smokes
• Marrying a single parent with kids
• The Ten Questions

In this episode of The Babylon Bee Podcast, Kyle and Ethan are joined by good friend Doug TenNapel to talk about the week’s big stories like John MacArthur standing up to the real-life grinch, the government favoring Caesar’s palace over Calvary Chapel, and conservatives being gaslit to believe in the riots being real. Doug TenNapel also talks about Christian art in Hollywood. This episode might be our most flower-bedded yet.

In the subscriber portion, Kyle, Ethan, and Doug spill on behind-the-scenes stuff writing and showrunning VeggieTales, take a question from a subscriber on Christians using discernment on what media to enjoy, and have Doug undergo the ten questions!

Kyle and Ethan talk to Representative Dan Crenshaw. He is the representative for Texas’ second congressional district and the author of Fortitude: American Resilience in the Era of Outrage. They discuss the importance of knowing a good eyepatch guy, the difference between a democracy and a republic, and try to decide what was more chaotic: Afghanistan or CHAZ?

Watch or listen to this episode on our podcast page, where subscribers can find full length episodes, or over on our YouTube channel. Subscribe using your favorite podcast platform here.

Don't forget to pre-order the new Babylon Bee coffee table book!

Topics Discussed

• Glass eyes bearing secret symbols

• Knowing a good eye patch guy

• Cancel culture

• Democracy Vs Republic

• Democrats, Republicans, and tribalistic partisanship

• CHAZ or Afghanistan

• The politicization of COVID-19

• Federal Secret Police on American streets?

• The Ten Questions

To watch or listen to the full podcast, become a subscriber at https://babylonbee.com/plans.

This is The Babylon Bee Weekly News Show for the week of 7/24/2020.

In this episode of The Babylon Bee Podcast, Kyle and Ethan talk about the week’s big stories like Nick Cannon informing us all about the rotten savage mountain people in our midst, humanity deciding producing masks was more important than sustaining the earth, and all of the times the Babylon Bee has successfully predicted the future through its prophetic ministry.

In the subscriber portion, Kyle and Ethan discover a way to eat an entire civilization in a few bites and answer voicemails from subscribers.

Show Outline

Introduction

Stuff That’s Good

Kyle likes Pandemic Hot Zone.

Ethan likes Jason Brubaker.

Also mentioned: Ethan Nicolle, Jason Brubaker and Doug TenNapel once did a podcast.

Weird News

Swarm of flying ants spreads across London, Kent and Sussex

Man unearths 'witch bottle' with teeth inside - but is urged to 'put it back'

Frustrated in lockdown? Send your scream to Iceland. Wait, what?

Man throws 19 chopsticks into archery target for\Guinness record

Sea gull rescued with face mask wrapped around legs

Stories of the Week

Story 1

Walmart Now Requires All Shoppers To Wear Pants

Summary: In a move that's being called "unprecedented tyranny," Walmart is now requiring all shoppers to wear pants in their stores.

But really, Walmart told everyone to wear masks in their stores.

• Shout out to Jimmy Humphrey for submitting the headline idea

Story 2

Nick Cannon Quits 'Masked Singer': 'I Need To See A Person's Skin Color Before I Pass Judgment'

Summary: Nick Cannon has stepped down from his position as host of The Masked Singer, saying he doesn't know how to judge someone's singing voice without first seeing the color of their skin. The move comes just days after Cannon totally owned white people on his podcast, calling them "sick animals," and "rotten little mountain people."

Hey, that last part is mostly true! Cannon was fired by ViacomCBS for crazy anti-white, anti-semitic comments. Though he was not fired by Masked Singer.

• Adam Ford seems to have started the controversy with this tweet: https://twitter.com/Adam4d/status/1283087941271801861

Story 3

10 Safety Tips For Going Back To Church

Topic of the Week

Fulfilled Babylon Bee Prophecies

Hate Mail

We are serenaded by someone who doesn’t like what we do. Give his video some likes and positive comments. The world would be a better place if people who disagreed with each other created stuff instead of destroying stuff.

Subscriber Portion: Mailbag and CHIRPS

A subscriber mailed The Bee some bug chips. And two other subscribers sent The Bee audio questions, so Kyle and Ethan dive into the mailbag!

To watch or listen to the full podcast, become a subscriber at https://babylonbee.com/plans.

This is the Babylon Bee Interview Show.

Kyle and Ethan welcome back Kira Davis! They discuss how white people are making black people feel awkward in an effort to stamp out racism, J.K. Rowling and the TERF wars, and how the rules of Quidditch make no sense to our resident expert on games, Kyle Mann.  

Topics Discussed

• White people making black people feel awkward to stamp out racism
• Accepting doughnuts from strangers
• Poisoned Halloween candy
• Black people who support Donald Trump
• COVID lockdowns and civil disobedience
• Churches trying to navigate the lockdowns and being a voice in the community
• The Walking Dead and creepy horror movies
• J.K. Rowling and TERF wars
• Sexuality, social contagion, and making life-changing decisions at age 12
• Looking for identity in brands and labels
• Old tweets coming back to haunt people
• The rules of Quidditch don’t make sense to Kyle
• Enjoying entertainment without agreeing with all of the creator’s personal ideologies
• Christians in Hollywood and Kira’s unhealthy obsession with celebrity culture

Subscriber Portion

• The Ten Questions
• Kira tells an insane story involving a spider in her garage

To watch or listen to the full podcast, become a subscriber at https://babylonbee.com/plans.

This is the Babylon Bee weekly news podcast special episode for 7/17/2020.

In this week’s episode of the Babylon Bee podcast, Kyle and Ethan talk about the week’s big stories like Christian knockoffs of secular products being bad, people on the right side of history who are on the wrong side of God, boogaloo skunks, and how are current culture is just the free market of people's fists meeting other people's faces.

Show Outline

Introduction

Welcome to The Babylon Bee podcast with your hosts Kyle Mann and Ethan Nicolle, the two funnymen behind a lot of the stuff you read on The Babylon Bee. They’re not as funny here as they are when they write satire, so get used to disappointment.

Stuff That’s Good

Stuff that’s good update: Kyle is finishing up Avatar The Last Airbender and it’s amazing

Kyle likes  Journey to the Center of the Earth

Ethan likes Blood Father 

Weird News

Dog left 'looking like alpaca' after biting pet groomer halfway through haircut

Shopper spotted using paper bag as face covering - and others have used knickers

​​​​​​​Family found man declared 'dead' still alive after breaking into hospital morgue

Pizza Shop Owner Thwarts Robbery By Tossing Pie At Suspect

Sealed copy of 'Super Mario Bros.' auctioned for a record $114,000

Mysterious 'vampire-slaying kit' including pistol and knife up for auction

Stories of the Week

Story 1

Man On Right Side Of History Surprised To Find He Still Went To Hell

Summary: A local progressive was very careful to only advocate for the most progressive politics and be an activist for all the popular new social justice causes. So, since he was so clearly on the right side of history, he was very surprised to find after he died that he still went to hell.

Story 2

Op-Ed: There's No Such Thing As Bully Culture, It's Just My Fist's Free Market Response To Your Stupid Face, Dweeb

Summary: Local lunch money thief and wedgie specialist Biff O’Doyle wrote in a recent op-ed that Bully Culture is not real -quote- ‘It’s just my fist’s free-market response to your stupid face, dweeb’ -end quote

tory 3

Here's What's Problematic With Each Of The NFL's 32 Team Names

Well, the PC police have come for the Redskins. But we at The Babylon Bee feel they did not go far enough. There is white supremacy and racism everywhere in the NFL, with every single team in the league having some kind of offensive stereotype in their name.

We hereby call on every team in the league to change their name for the following reasons.

Topic of the Week

Why is Christian stuff so bad?

• Bee article: If You Like Secular Things, Try These Christian Alternatives That Are Almost As Good

• Why is Christian stuff so bad?

Hate Mail

We get a reponse to a sponsored newsletter blast speaking out against antifa and get accused of being Christo-fascists.

Subscriber Portion

• Kyle and Ethan dive into the mailbag!

• Bonus weird news filled with projectile penguin poop

Also mentioned: Ethan Nicolle’s awesome animated music video Lunaractive-Mission To The Moon

To watch or listen to the full podcast, become a subscriber at https://babylonbee.com/plans.

This is the Babylon Bee Interview Show.

In this episode of The Babylon Bee Podcast, editor-in-chief Kyle Mann and creative director Ethan Nicolle talk to James Lindsay, one of the actors involved with the Greivance Study Papers affair in which they got a bunch of peer-reviewed papers published by inserting woke language into stuff they just made up. They talk about the cult of wokeness, its ideology and its tactics, and also about how the landscape of Christianity is kind of like Narnia to an atheist. 

Lindsay’s latest book with Helen Pluckrose is Cynical Theories: How Activist Scholarship Made Everything about Race, Gender, and Identity―and Why This Harms Everybody and is available for pre-order.

Topics Discussed

• The State of academia and the workplace

• White fragility

• Brown fragility

• White neurosis and the ‘racial cray-cray’

• Minoritized

• Building a bullet train to the bad old times

• Woke-ism as a new or replacement religion and its parallels with cults

• NewDiscourses.com and James’ ever-changing encyclopedia of work terminology

• Finding identities that unify everyone in religion (supernaturally) or nationally or in humanity (naturally) vs. fracturing over identity groups that must speak “authentically” or else get cancelled

• Politically black vs racially black?

• Why does BLM want to eliminate the western nuclear family?

• The academic origins of intersectionality, critical theory, etc.

• Traditional theory and critical theory- the normative vision and seeking out problematics

• Wokeness from false consciousness

• Atheists and Christians are friends now?

• The left eating itself- the fracturing of critical theory and trans/queer theory and post-colonial theory- Subscriber Portion

• Quizzing James Lindsay on woke terms in his encyclopedia

• Critical theory meets the church i.e. Emerging Church 2.0 (More institutionally powerful and worse)

• The Ten Questions

To watch or listen to the full podcast, become a subscriber at https://babylonbee.com/plans.

This is the Babylon Bee weekly news podcast special episode for 7/10/2020.

Editor-in-Chief Kyle Mann and Creative Director Ethan Nicolle are joined by The Babylon Bee Senior Writer Frank J. Fleming to talk about the week’s big stories.  Frank has a new book Superego: Fathom which is a sequel to Superego.  They talk about the week’s big stories like Kanye West declaring a run for the Presidency, how modern Americans are definitely morally superior to slaveowners from 200 years ago, and why a Russian grandmother was caught smearing poo on playground swings.  They also talk about how the rich and the powerful can say whatever they want and then in the subscriber portion talk about all of Frank’s problematic writings.

Show Outline

Introduction

Kyle and Ethan come down from their high of celebrating freedom by almost blowing themselves up and letting their kids play with fire.

Weird News

Driver fights off snake with just a knife and seatbelt while speeding at 76mph

Germany goes nuts over sausage vending machines

Alligator with missing limbs shows up on Florida family's porch

Escaped pigs cause traffic chaos on Virginia highway

Cat falls asleep in washing machine and miraculously survives 12-minute cycle

Woman, 90, caught smearing 'poo' on children's swings in bizarre protest

• Stomach-churning footage shows an elderly woman smearing what appears to human faeces on a children's swing she wants removed.
• Gavin Newsom could do this. Layering the skateparks with excrement.

Married woman, 32, used doctored baby scans bought on eBay to fool her 18-year-old lover into thinking he was the father of her child and let his family bring the boy up as one of their own

Stuff That’s Good

Kyle likes Robot Jox.

Ethan likes The Napoleon of Notting Hill by Chesterton.

Frank likes Hamilton.

Stories of the Week

Story 1 - Kanye West Seizes Opportunity To Be Most Rational, Coherent Presidential Candidate

Summary: Noticing a lack of rational, coherent, sane presidential candidates, Kanye West announced this weekend that he will be running for president. The move surprised everyone who hasn't been paying attention to 2020 at all so far.

The real story: Kanye West actually announced his presidential run -- though it’s not clear if he can actually still run.

• The Forbes interview

Story 2 - Nation That Kills 3,000 Babies A Day Feels Morally Superior To Slaveowners From 200 Years Ago

Summary: Leftists who support killing 3,000 babies a day were trying to virtue-signal but quickly ran into a problem: there's no one alive to whom they can feel morally superior. So, the movement was forced to look to people from 200 years ago to find someone they could somewhat credibly criticize for moral failings: slave owners

• What is it about humanity that makes us think the sins of other ages are so much worse than the sins of our age?
• Most people go with the crowd, how do you know you would not?
• It is like Chesteron’s picture of the cad who climbs up to the top of a castle turret then kicks down all ladders that got him there. 
• Real abolitionists who paid the price at the time 

Story 3 - New App Reminds You To Look Up From Your Phone To Check If Your Kids Are Still Alive

Summary: The tech world is abuzz after the announcement of a new smartphone app that could save millions of lives. The new app, called Kid-Alyve, will remind parents to look up from their phones every so often to confirm that their children are still breathing.

-Parenting is crazy

Topic of the Week

Cancel Culture / Harper’s Letter

Hate Mail

LOVE MAIL

Subscriber Portion

Bonus Frank Stories And The Ten Questions

Story 1

Innovative New Process Turns Vegetables into Meat by Feeding Them to Cows

Story 2

Superman Criticized for Unrealistic Portrayal of Journalist as Heroic

Story 3

Retraction: Those Kids We Accused Of Holding A KKK Rally Were Actually Just Playing Duck, Duck, Goose

This is the Babylon Bee Interview Show.

Editor-in-chief Kyle Man and creative director Ethan Nicolle talk to Drew Dyck about whether criminals are real, being saved from a life of stealing deodorant, and invading Canada. Drew is an acquisitions editor at Moody Publishers and a contributing editor at CTPastors.com, a Christianity Today publication for church leaders. He’s the author of Your Future Self Will Thank You: Secrets to Self-Control from the Bible and Brain Science, Yawning at Tigers: You Can’t Tame God, So Stop Trying, and Generation Ex-Christian: Why Young Adults Are Leaving the Church…and how to Bring Them Back.

Topics Discussed

• Sending your book ideas to Drew
• Arguing with people on Twitter about abolishing the police and whether criminals are a thing
• Spicing up your testimony by stealing deodorant
• Milk in a bag
• The weirdest thing about Canada
• Portland is stuck in the 90s/Portlandia
• On the difference between a beat poet and a slam poet
• When bookstores were a thing
• Christian stores bestselling “Jesus junk”
• Where ANTIFA will set up their gulags
• God isn’t safe but he’s good, like Aslan
• Self-control in everything but buying Drew’s books
• Mental illness in the church
• Remembering the Emerging Church movement
• What’s better: fur babies or actual babies
• Writers retreats never help
• On not psychologizing your opponents
• The Ten Questions

To watch or listen to the full length podcast, become a paid subscriber at https://babylonbee.com/plans

This is the Babylon Bee weekly news podcast special episode for 7/3/2020.

This episode is brought to you by Faithful Counseling. Bee listeners get 10% off!

In this episode of The Babylon Bee podcast, editor-in-chief Kyle Mann and creative director Ethan Nicolle talk about the week’s big stories like a man being fined £450 for provocative intestinal wind, the fallen world we live in where The Princess Bride is possibly being remade, and how doctors are recommending we keep opening up and closing the economy until we all go insane. In the main topic, they read G.K. Chesterton's ideas on the suicide of thought.

In the subscriber portion, Kyle and Ethan dive in into the mail bag, talk about their years in ministry, and bring in producer Dan so that they all can answer the ten questions.

Show Outline

Introduction

Kyle and Ethan return from the warm, sunny beaches of Florida to churn out another podcast. We have an update on the 'Best of the Bee' book.

Weird News

• Broody mother goose has taken 47 babies under her wing - and they're so cute

  • “This phenomenon is known as a gang brood"

• Man falls through floor of home, plunges down 30-foot well
• Pair hired for man's broom sexual fantasy turn up in bedroom at wrong address with machetes
• In fart news: Man fined £450 for 'provocative' fart in front of police officers
• Newton's recipe for 'toad vomit lozenges' up for auction

Stuff That’s Good

Kyle likes Dead Cells the video game.

Ethan likes WACO on Netflix.

Stories of the Week

Story 1

Equality At Last: Disney Confirms Winnie The Pooh Will Now Be Voiced By An Actual Bear

Summary: In order to ensure that voice actors only portray characters they actually look like, Disney announced this week that Winnie the Pooh will now be voiced by an actual bear.

The real story: Several voice actors have stopped voicing characters that are not the same race they are. The Simpsons, Big Mouth, American Dad, Cleveland Show.

Story 2

Doctors Recommend Locking Down And Reopening Repeatedly Until Everyone Has Nervous Breakdown

Summary: A survey of leading physicians unanimously agreed that the best response to COVID-19 is for the government to lock everything down, then reopen, then lock down again, then reopen again and to just keep doing that until everyone completely loses their minds.

Story 3

Merciful God Vows To End Humanity Before 'The Princess Bride' Can Be Remade

Summary: Upon rumors of a remake of The Princess Bride, a spokesperson for the Almighty God confirmed that He will end the world in fire before He would ever allow that to happen.

Topic of the Week

Kyle and Ethan read a portion of G.K. Chesterton's Orthodoxy on the suicide of thought and discuss its relevance in our times of constant revolutionary agitation. 

Hate Mail

Someone went to home depot and bought a whole bunch of flowerbeds.

Subscriber Portion

Kyle and Ethan dive into the mail bag, talk about their years in ministry, and have producer Dan join them to answer the ten questions. Subscribers, get to know the Bee boys.

Editor-in-chief Kyle Mann and creative director Ethan Nicolle talk to Costi Hinn, nephew of notorious faith healer Benny Hinn. After leaving that ministry behind, Costi Hinn is now a pastor at Redeemer Bible Church in Gilbert, Arizona. He is the author of God, Greed, and the (Prosperity) Gospel. They talk about Costi’s childhood living large like a Kardashian, learning about a different gospel from a pink study bible, and what goes on behind the scenes of a prominent prosperity gospel ministry.

Topics Discussed

• Going straight into the deep end of Calvinism because of a pink MacArthur study bible
• A day in the life of Benny Hinn- what’s it like to have a personal duster?
• On growing up as a Hinn was a Kardashian lifestyle
• The prosperity gospel vs the Biblical gospel
• On batting 0.068 slaying people in the spirit and only “healing” one guy
• What went on behind the scenes at these healing events?
• Not raising a hand against the Lord’s Anointed, even if they happen to be creeps just claiming to have the anointing
•  On whether prosperity health-and-wealth healers sincerely believe their own message or if they just cashing in
• On Benny Hinn’s occasional “repentance” on the prosperity gospel
• New wave prosperity preachers and the old generals
• The Ten Questions

See also: Benny Hinn is my uncle, but Prosperity Gospel is not for me

A few Babylon Bee articles on Benny Hinn:

Benny Hinn Holds Healing Service In Full Hazmat Suit

Benny Hinn Loses Control Of Powers, Sends Audience Member Soaring Hundreds Of Feet Into Air

Benny Hinn Spends Another Long Day At Children's Hospital Healing Kids

Benny Hinn Attempts Jedi Mind Trick On IRS Agents Investigating His Ministry

Benny Hinn Miraculously Removes Lump From Woman's Purse

Benny Hinn Added To 'Smash Bros.' Roster

Benny Hinn Masterfully Knocks Down Audience Members Arranged In Notoriously Difficult 7–10 Split

I Honestly Can Not Believe I'm Still Getting Away With This

To watch or listen to the full length podcast, become a paid subscriber at https://babylonbee.com/plans

In this episode of The Babylon Bee podcast, editor-in-chief Kyle Mann and creative director Ethan Nicolle welcome guest host Kira Davis who is editor-at-large at RedState. They talk about the difference between protesting and rioting, some problems Kira sees with the approach of Candace Owens, and how we need to have a reality show where everyone gets stuck in an elevator with someone they hate until we achieve world peace.

In the subscriber portion, Kyle, Ethan, and Kira talk about Black Lives Matter (as an organization and as a movement), where peace is found in this world, how Kanye is buying up Wyoming, serial killers, sending kids off to college, and that Trump photo-op with the Bible.

Kira can be regularly heard on her podcast Just Listen To Yourself.

Pre-order the new Babylon Bee Best-Of Coffee Table Book coming in 2020! Get a Sneak Peak!

Send your emails to podcast@babylonbee.com and maybe we will answer you in our next Mailbag segment!

Show Outline

Introduction

Kyle, Ethan, and Kira talk about the weird “pacman” masks that allow the coronavirus conscious person to eat out at their favorite restaurant and how Kyle has never seen a Tarantino movie.  

Main Topics

• Kira Davis has some disagreements with Candace Owens.
• Kira Davis responds to Ethan’s 13 year old daughter on issues of social justice, race, and protests.

Paid-subscriber portion

• Black Lives Matter
• Trump Photo Op 

Also mentioned on the podcast: Just Listen To Yourself With Kira Davis- Episode 37- Black Lives Matter

To watch or listen to the full length podcast, become a paid subscriber at https://babylonbee.com/plans

Kyle and Ethan talk to Dinesh D’Souza. He has been called a far right provocateur and is a filmmaker and the author of several books, most recently United States of Socialism. They talk about socialism, identity politics, and whether or not it’s okay to laugh at Apu.

Watch or listen to this episode on our podcast page, where subscribers can find full length episodes, or over on our YouTube channel. Subscribe using your favorite podcast platform here.

Pre-order the new Babylon Bee Best-Of Coffee Table Book coming in 2020! Get a Sneak Peak!

Topics Discussed

• Dinesh gives a rundown on the new socialists

• What’s the difference between identity socialism and classic socialism?

• Socialists abandoning the working class

• The decline of Christianity in the culture and the rise of a new religion in the Left

• Virtue signalling versus actual virtue

• Debating libs vs debating atheists

• Dinesh’s new book and what it’s all about

• Is it okay to laugh at Apu?

• Defending morphing Abraham Lincoln’s face into Donald Trump’s

• Dating Ann Coulter

Paid-subscriber portion

• The Ten Questions

To watch or listen to the full length podcast, become a paid subscriber at https://babylonbee.com/plans

In this episode of The Babylon Bee Podcast, Kyle and Ethan celebrate the one year anniversary of the show and welcome Kyle’s dad, Brent, for Father’s Day. They talk shop about duct tape, flashlights, initialisms, rocket science, and dad hacks. They also dive into the week's news stories. Kyle and Ethan enlighten Brent on what CHAZ or CHOP is, and then discuss Elon Musk's quest to occupy Mars, and an aerospace engineer’s perspective on seeing God in creation.

Pre-order the new Babylon Bee Best-Of Coffee Table Book coming in 2020! Get a Sneak Peak!

Send your emails to podcast@babylonbee.com and maybe we will answer you in our next Mailbag segment!

Show Outline

Introduction

Today on The Babylon Bee Podcast, we welcome Brent Mann, Kyle’s dad. It’s Father’s Day and we celebrate the Babylon Bee Podcast’s one year anniversary!

Stuff That’s Good

Kyle likes Avatar: The Last Airbender.

Ethan likes Rifftrax.

Brent likes Columbo. Remember Columbo?

Weird News

• Mum renovating home finds 'clever' tip from previous owner under old wallpaper 

  Florida man fist-fights alligator to save dog

• Deer runs into Black Lives Matter protest in New Jersey, seriously injuring woman

  Teen fell into coma after having bubble tea twice a day for a month

• South Carolina police seek couple accused of holding Pizza Hut manager at gunpoint, stealing Pepsi

• German police: Petty thief fled supermarket, forgot his son 

Story 1

Trump Enacts Tariffs, Travel Ban On CHAZ

Summary: Trump has announced a new set of tariffs and a travel ban on CHAZ, escalating the trade war between the United States and the fledgling nation-state.

The real story:  An "autonomous zone" or Occupy Protest and sprung up in Seattle complete with warlords, speech codes, segregated gardens, calls for foreign aid from its capitalist neighbors, and brutal community policing tactics.

Story 2

Study: Average Father Spends 97% Of Time Running Around House Turning Lights Off

Summary: A new study of fatherhood in America found that the average dad spends up to 97% of his time running around the house turning off lights that the rest of the family left on.

The real story: Kyle's dad has an ingenious solution to teach your kids to not leave the lights on.

Topic of the Week

It's Father's Day! Kyle, Ethan, and aerospace engineer Brent (Kyle's Dad) talk about all sorts of stuff like dad jokes, initialisms and acronyms, Brent's work on the Space Shuttle program, Elon Musk's amazing space feats, and a few of Brent's fatherly quirks like how he carries a really old cell phone in a ziplock bag.

Hate Mail

A recent article made some very overworked and stressed booksellers very angry.

Subscriber Portion

Ethan and Brent talk bladder blabber when Kyle leaves the room, and then they continue going through Brent's box of stuff he brought in, and finish by talking about more dad hacks and stories, including the time when Brent acted out a scene from The Bourne Identity to chase down a bicycle thief.

Also mentioned on the podcast: Fingerprint of God: Recent Scientific Discoveries Reveal the Unmistakable Identity of the Creator by Hugh Ross

To watch or listen to the full length podcast, become a paid subscriber at https://babylonbee.com/plans

Things get downright puritanical when Kyle and Ethan talk to Nate Pickowicz and Dustin Benge about their new book The American Puritans. Dustin is Provost and lecturer and Union School of Theology and Nate is pastor of Harvest Bible Church. Dustin and Nate talk about the inspiration that they draw today from the lives of these men and women and their religious movement in church history while Kyle and Ethan try to figure out why someone would name their kid ‘If-Christ-had-not-died-for-thee-thou-hadst-been-damned’ and whether it’s true that Puritans invented tablecloths to cover up scandalous table legs.  

Topics Discussed

• The difference between Puritans and Pilgrims

• Puritan theology: Are sinners in the hands of an angry God?

• Myth or fact: Puritan edition

• Puritans’ favorite alcoholic beverage

• Some church history of the Puritans in England and in America

• Strange Puritan names like ‘Praise-God’ and ‘Fly Fornication’

• People walking stark naked through church and cutting off Quaker ears

• Some of the Puritans highlighted in their new book The American Puritans

• Kyle and Ethan provoke some baptist answers to The Ten Questions in the Subscriber Portion!

To watch or listen to the full length podcast, become a paid subscriber at https://babylonbee.com/plans

In this episode of The Babylon Bee podcast, editor-in-chief Kyle Mann and creative director Ethan Nicolle talk about the biggest stories of the week like how religious gathers and pretending to be protests so they can meet, our recent feud over putting Trump in an AWANA vest, and how all of a sudden defunding the police became a national talking point. Detective Dan from Small Town Dicks joins Kyle and Ethan to talk all about it.

In the subscriber portion, subscribers get to listen to Kyle and Ethan continue their conversation with Detective Dan!

Pre-order the new Babylon Bee Best-Of Coffee Table Book coming in 2020! Get a Sneak Peak!

Send your emails to podcast@babylonbee.com and maybe we will answer you in our next Mailbag segment!

Show Outline

Introduction

Kyle's dad burns podcasts onto CDs and Ethan diagnoses depression in dads stemming from how children handle blu ray discs.

Stuff That’s Good

Kyle likes O.C. Supertones album For the Glory

Ethan likes Mac Smith’s Scurry.

This News Is Weird

Man charged with assault after thrown pickle hits Vermont highway worker

Peruvian mayor poses as corpse to avoid arrest for flouting coronavirus lockdown, reports say

Ocean Just as Gross as You Thought: Filled with Mucus

Doctors remove mobile phone charger from man's bladde

Crayola launches skin tone crayons so 'all kids can colour themselves

Seagull flies into woman's house and vomits on her kitchen counter

Stories of the Week

Story 1 

Clever Churchgoers Avoid Arrest By Disguising Themselves As Rioters
Summary: Many churches still aren’t gathering in person but several congregations came up with a clever way to avoid arrest for gathering against government orders: disguising themselves as rioters.

The real story: Governments seemed to be going hard after churches and other things deemed non-essential, but anything related to protesting was fine.

• Originally a satire of how apparently COVID wasn’t a concern for anything related to the protest.

• A thousand medical experts signed an open letter supporting public gathering for protests stating that “white supremacy contributes to COVID and is a lethal public health issue”

• Churches were/are still fighting to open and trying to comply with lots of extra rules they needed to follow such as limited capacity, masks, no physical contact, some were saying no communion elements, no singing.

• A prophecy fulfilled. A group of Hasidic youth in NYC put up a George Floyd sign so that they could not be shut down by the cops for their religious gathering. 

Story 2

Trump Shows Off Completed Awana Vest

Summary: President Trump and Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi are firing Bible photo ops back and forth, as you would expect politicians to be doing at a time like this. But Trump won the contest of Bible knowledge by showing off his completed Awana Sparks vest.

The real story: Trump decided to walk across the street from the White House to the Episcopalian church St. John’s (“The church of the Presidents”) which rioters had set on fire the night before. He did this as a show of resolve against the lawlessness which would lead to the burning of churches.  He drew criticism for supposedly using police to drive away protestors with “teargas” for the photo op and for the way he stood in front of the church and held up the Bible like it was a political prop. 

• We decided to poke fun of the pandering-ness and the Bible being used as a prop by Trump and then Pelosi and then Cuomo all suddenly being experts on the Bible in all these weird public events quoting verses and making the Bible agree with their side

• We put an AWANA vest on Trump, which prompted an email from AWANA communications chief asking us to immediately pull it down as it was “beyond satire” and how they didn’t want their vest to be on Donald Trump. They threatened to sue us if we didn’t comply.

• Seth put AWANA on blast on Twitter

• We learned Monday that they would NOT be pursuing a lawsuit

• Kyle's Awana stories!

• Ethan just hated Awana  

Story 3 

Los Angeles Police To Undergo Intensive Socially Conscious Slam Poetry Training 

Summary: As public demand for comprehensive police reform grows, the LAPD is leading the way by training its officers in socially conscious slam poetry.

The Real Story: BLM protests are demanding #DefundThePolice… the details are vague but it sounds like they want to get rid of the police altogether in some instances.

• Marriane Williamson has a great tweet about the ex-cops starting ISIS.

• Minneapolis Mayor Jacob Frey was publicly mocked and shamed at a protest when he refused to say he would abolish the police..

  • Here is his walk of shame. “Go Home Jacob!” “Shame! Shame!”

  • The Minneapolis city council just voted 9-3 vowing to DISBAND their city police department and council president Lisa Bender told crowds that these 9 members were “committed to ending the city’s relationship with the police force and “to end policing as we know it and recreate systems that actually keep us safe.”

    • Has this been done anywhere before?  Camden, NJ

    • “ the city's police department was disbanded and replaced with a new one covering Camden County that had more officers, but on lower pay, according to a City Lab report.”

• A CNN anchor, Aislyn Camerota asked city council President Lisa Bender “who do I call when someone breaks into my house?” and she  said that that question comes from a place of privilege 

• She later went on Chris Cuomo’s Prime time and said a "police free future" is "the goal."

• We also did a CFA joke, but Ethan hates them. 

Topic of the Week

Detective Dan of Small Town Dicks joins Kyle and Ethan to talk about all the police issues facing the nation. Dan was formerly a K9 handler and Violent Crimes detective at the same Small Town police department as his twin brother Dave, who also hosts the podcast with Yeardlley Smith of the Simpsons. Dan regards his years as a K9 handler to be the most rewarding of his career. He is now retired. They discuss misconceptions about the police and discuss changes we need to make to serve and protect everyone.

Hate Mail

We get an email filled with flowerbeds.

Paid-subscriber portion

Kyle and Ethan continue their conversation with Detective Dan.

To watch or listen to the full length podcast, become a paid subscriber at https://babylonbee.com/plans

Kyle and Ethan talk to Connor Boyack!  Connor Boyack is president and founder of the Libertas Institute. He is best known for writing the Tuttle Twins series of books, which focus on introducing kids to the ideas of liberty and the free market. Kyle and Ethan talk about weed-smoking Mormons, how many wives a man can have in an anarchist utopia, and pouring libertarian fertilizer on the saplings rather than trying to save the old, diseased statist trees. 

Topics Discussed

• What are the Tuttle Twins series of books about

• What is Libertarianism all about and what on earth is the deal with the Libertarian Party

• Does a libertarian Mormon smoke weed?

• Indoctrinating children with foreign ideas like "liberty" and introducing them to books by dead white guys

• Isn’t it a bad idea to teach children about liberty since as parents we want to tell them what to do?

• How many wives would each man be allowed to have in a libertarian utopia?

• The polygamy case, where children were taken from their parents, that Connor worked on

• The ten questions!

To watch or listen to the full length podcast, become a paid subscriber at https://babylonbee.com/plans

In this episode of The Babylon Bee podcast, editor-in-chief Kyle Mann and creative director Ethan Nicolle talk about the biggest stories of the week like our cities burning down, the most righteous heroes of the riots, SpaceX scrubbing a launch because of a nosy Karen, and all our politicians suddenly became Bible experts overnight.  Be sure to stick around for the main topic where two white guys decide to talk about critical race theory in the church and society, because why not? 

In the subscriber portion, subscribers get to listen to Kyle and Ethan dive headfirst into the mailbag and talk about even more stories!

Pre-order the new Babylon Bee Best-Of Coffee Table Book coming in 2020! Get a Sneak Peak!

Send your emails to podcast@babylonbee.com and maybe we will answer you in our next Mailbag segment!

Show Outline

Introduction

We are out of quarantine and into curfew, but at least we have new swag for the office.

Stuff That’s Good

Kyle likes Brave Ollie Possum: the audio book.

Ethan likes his own Spotify playlist: Every Song Is Perfect.

This News Is Weird

'The bird is free': India 'releases Pakistani pigeon held on spying charges'

Knocking on Florida couple's door were two alligators fighting 

Monkeys attack lab worker, steal COVID-19 blood test samples 

Turtle crashes through windshield on Georgia highway

Scientists say they went 'cuckoo' due to laughing gas from penguin poo

Five-year-old pulled over by cops on his way to buy a Lamborghini

Stories of the Week

Story 1 

Powerful: Protesters Spell Out 'Love' With Burning Homes And Businesses

Summary: In a powerful display of love and tolerance, peaceful protesters in Minneapolis burned several city blocks so the fire would read “LOVE” from the air. Wow. Such love. Much peace.

The real story: Riots have engulfed the country. It seems like overnight COVID-19 disappeared and were replaced with absolute mayhem everywhere. The riots are over the wrongful death of George Floyd, who was killed by a police officer who had his knee on his neck for nine minutes. (We’ll discuss more in the main topic.)

• Top 10 heroes of the riots

• Somehow Chris Matthews and Chris Hanson both make an appearance

Story 2

SpaceX Launch Scrubbed After Local Karen Calls The Cops

Summary: SpaceX had tried to launch a rocket but was forced to scrub the launch after a local Karen called the cops, reporting that people were outside doing things and she did not like it.

The real story: If ever there were a good time to leave Earth…

SpaceX did have a scrubbed launch but then launched for real later in the week. Its module successfully docked with the ISS. 

Story 3 

Trump, Pelosi Face Off In Intense Game Of Bible Jeopardy 

Topic of the Week

Critical Race Theory in the church / racial divides in church culture

There have been some strange reactions in the Evangelical world to this whole situation. 

• Some funny/interesting reactions from inside and outside the church: 

  • Matt Walsh posted a video of white people kneeling to black people: https://twitter.com/mattwalshblog/status/1267507181689192448?

  • Dean of Union Seminary: “What has alienated America from its very soul, thereby virtually normalizing violence against Black lives? Answer: whiteness itself.”  (link and soundbyte)

  • NBA Announcer fired for tweeting “All lives matter” (link) 

  • CRU (formerly Campus Crusade for Christ) is holding segregated prayer meetings  (link) 

  • NBA reporter cheers on burning down of low income housing but then calls rioters "animals" when they come around his neighborhood.

  • There is a blueprint for racial reconciliation being adopted by many in the evangelical Christian world that seems to come from something called Critical Theory, or Critical Race Theory. So what is it?

  • Yearning for justice points us to objective reality in Jesus Christ

Hate Mail

A man is concerned our story on the Constitution dying from coronavirus may cause confusion.

Paid-subscriber portion

Mailbag!

Kyle and Ethan answer some fair criticism about The Babylon Bee's coverage of Joe Biden.

Story 1

Oh No! The Scientist Gavin Newsom Has Been Listening To Is Actually A Bunch Of Raccoons Stuffed In A Lab Coat

Summary: Gavin Newsom has been listening to scientists throughout the pandemic, but it turns out the main scientist he was listening to is actually a bunch of raccoons in a lab coat. Sad!

• Are we not listening to SCIENCE! Anymore now that there are progressive crowds out and about?

Story 2

Archaeologists Unearth Galilean Coffee Shop Where Jesus Held Small Group

Summary: Archaeologists have found one of the coolest Bible landmarks: the coffee shop in Galilee where Jesus and His disciples would hold their weekly small groups.

• How would Jesus’s small group have been?

• Small groups: yay or nay? What’s wrong with a good old-fashioned Bible study? Where’s the coolest place for a small group to hang out?

• Small group horror stories

• Subscribers, send us small group stories!

To watch or listen to the full length podcast, become a paid subscriber at https://babylonbee.com/plans

Kyle and Ethan talk to pro-life activist Lila Rose from Live Action about opposition to her organization, politicians gaslighting, and fostering a culture of life. Watch Kyle and Ethan get owned by facts and logic and be told their jokes are bad.

You can listen to Lila Rose on her new podcast: The Lila Rose Show! 

The Lila Rose Show explores questions about relationships, work, health, identity, purpose, and faith, with political and cultural commentary.

Also follow Live Action on Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, and YouTube.

Topics Discussed

• Lila has a new podcast to promote

• How did Live Action get started

• Taking on Anti-Abortion “Lies”

• Parenting challenges like when one child makes themself vomit all over the kitchen from scarfing down hot chocolate packets while you are attempting to have the smaller toddler have their nap time.

• Pranking Planned Parenthood

• Deciding on what is the funniest dog

• When they lit up WTC One Pink to celebrate the new abortion bill in New York state that allows late third trimester abortions

• Politicians gaslighting about how sacred life is despite their policies

• Kyle and Ethan get jabbed at for their Protestantism in the subscriber portion when they ask Lila The Ten Questions.

To watch or listen to the full length podcast, become a paid subscriber at https://babylonbee.com/plans

In this episode of The Babylon Bee podcast, editor-in-chief Kyle Mann and creative director Ethan Nicolle talk about the biggest stories of the week like how we now have an awesome worship song generator on the website now. Subscribers sent us their unsolicited recordings and they were so good we had to share. Kyle and Ethan bring in a guitar and try their hand at randomly generated worship songs. Also, Biden can now decide people's race and gender, Florida violates the laws of SCIENCE by not killing more of their citizens, and social media is cracking down on misleading avatars.

In the subscriber portion, subscribers get to listen to Kyle and Ethan go to the mailbag and answer some great questions from you, the subscribers.

Pre-order the new Babylon Bee Best-Of Coffee Table Book coming in 2020! Get a Sneak Peak!

Send your emails to podcast@babylonbee.com and maybe we will answer you in our next Mailbag segment!

Show Outline

Introduction

There's been an issue with the subscriber length podcast on downloader apps. If you are having trouble getting the full episode try deleting the URL and re-adding it.

Frank Fleming has a new book Superego: Fathom. Buy it!

Kyle reached the end of YouTube and Ethan got locked in a park.

Stuff That’s Good

Kyle likes American Gospel: Christ Alone which is a sobering, layman’s-level look at the prosperity gospel and how it has spread through the American church and beyond. Now available on Netflix.

Ethan likes Parry Gripp if you want your small kids to get good songs stuck in your head instead of bad songs.

This News Is Weird

Woman refuses to go on family walks after they invent disgusting 'poop tag' game

•  There is nothing more humiliating than carrying warm dog poop around

Boy, 9, cries after mum surprises him with first McDonald's since lockdown 

‘Hitler’s Alligator’ Dies In Moscow Zoo At The Age Of 84

Boy, 6, Cracks Open Robbery Case By Reeling In Sunken Safe From Lake

Robot dog herds sheep in New Zealand

• We finally get robots and this is what we do with them? Who wanted to replace dogs?

Kitten with two faces born in Oregon barn

• A dog’s dream or nightmare?

Grizzly bear with white fur caught on camera in Canada 

• It’s called a polar bear duh

Stories of the Week

Story 1

Biden: 'If You Don't Let Me Sniff Your Hair, You Ain't A Woman'

Summary: In a recent interview with a female reporter, Joe Biden suddenly lashed out, shouting, “Listen, if you don’t let me sniff your hair, you ain’t a woman!”

The real story: Speaking to Charlamagne tha God last Friday, Joe Biden said, “If you have a problem figuring out whether you’re for me or Trump, then you ain’t black.”

Biden is not alone among our political class in making wacky statements. 

Also mentioned: Ancestry.com Revokes Genealogies Of African Americans Who Don't Support Biden

Also also mentioned: To Save Time, The Babylon Bee Will Now Just Republish Everything Biden Says Verbatim

Story 2

Florida Ruled To Be In Violation Of Science For Not Having More People Die

Summary: Science says Florida should have seen skyrocketing deaths from COVID-19, but instead Florida has not seen anywhere near the number of problems faced by states like New York and New Jersey. Because of this a judge has ruled the state to be in violation of Science.

The real story: Governor Ron DeSantis was getting slammed in the media for a cautious, “lax” approach to the crisis, with people predicting a huge number of deaths in Florida. This disaster never happened. DeSantis focused his approach on the most vulnerable, like nursing homes, while other states like New York locked the elderly in with COVID-19 patients and restricted low-risk populations severely. People criticized him for opening beaches saying doom was sure to follow a few weeks later -- but this did not happen.

Florida: 2,200 deaths / 21,000,000 people

New York: 23,000 deaths / 19,500,000 people

• How does Andrew Cuomo do such a bad job managing this thing and get away with it while Florida gets slammed while doing a great job?

• The politicization of this virus is unfortunate. It doesn’t feel like other national crises we’ve faced where we all band together against the big, bad threat -- it feels like we’re hoping our political foes lose big time no matter the cost in human lives.

Story 3

Facebook To Begin Fact-Checking Misleading Avatars

Summary: Facebook announced today the social network will now be displaying a fact-check notice atop avatars that are an inaccurate portrayal of the user.

The real story: Facebook recently launched customizable avatars similar to Bitmojis and Apple’s Memojis. They tend to look nothing like the people creating them, whether intentionally or not.

• Ethan is offended that they do not have truly obese options

• The avatars are very trans-friendly in that you can mix male/female body types, whatever you want.

• Kyle feels his avatar is fairly accurate though they didn’t have his misaligned tooth or his quarantine neck beard.

• What’s the deal with avatars anyway? I guess it’s fun to see what you’d look like as some kind of generic mass-produced cartoon.

Topic of the Week

The Babylon Bee unveiled a new feature: the Worship Song Generator. A few of you actually recorded your songs!

• Kyle and Ethan generate songs on the spot!

• Fan submissions:

  • “Ten Bazillion Reasons To Sing” by Jaycie and Charis Chambers

  • “Insane, Scandalous, Reckless, Unstoppable” by Lacey and Raina Cornelsen

  • “Thundering Heaven Deluge” by Jeremiah Webster

  • “Eternal Body Ember” by Kevin Grant and Daniel Flores

• What lyrics were pitched by the writers but didn't make it in?

Hate Mail

It is short and sweet this week, but we don't think these people used their real names.

Paid-subscriber portion

Mailbag: We pull back the curtain on what it’s like getting pseudo-famous on the internet in response to a question from Bee fan Calvin Haynes.

To watch or listen to the full length podcast, become a paid subscriber at https://babylonbee.com/plans

Editor-in-chief Kyle Mann and creative director Ethan Nicolle talk to apologist Dr. Frank Turek. Dr. Turek is an author, public speaker and radio host. He is the author of two books (Correct, Not Politically Correct and Stealing from God) and co-author of two more with Norman Geisler (I Don't Have Enough Faith to Be an Atheist and Legislating Morality).He hosts a call-in talk show called CrossExamined on American Family Radio. His television show, I Don't Have Enough Faith to be an Atheist, airs on the NRB Network. Kyle and Ethan talk to Turek about bad atheist arguments, evidences for Christianity, and Ethan sings a special song inspired by the CrossExamined website logo.

Pre-order the new Babylon Bee Best-Of Coffee Table Book coming in 2020! Get a Sneak Peak!

Topics Discussed

• Is Turek of any relation to Turok the dinosaur hunter?
• Ethan asks Frank if he wants to hear a song he wrote for him. It gets intense.
• Bad atheist arguments
• Who would win in a fight?
• If God is good and all-powerful, how could he allow the Star Wars Prequels to exist?
• Are murder hornets ontologically bad?
• What the evidences for the New Testament?

Subscriber Portion

Kyle and Ethan ask Frank Turek questions submitted by our subscribers and then give him The Ten Questions

To watch or listen to the full length podcast, become a paid subscriber at https://babylonbee.com/plans

In this episode of The Babylon Bee podcast, editor-in-chief Kyle Mann and creative director Ethan Nicolle talk about the biggest stories of the week like teenage expert Greta Thunberg teaching everything now, Elon Musk being the real-life Tony Stark, and Biden hiring a translator to render his speech into plain English. Ravi Zacharias went on to glory so our topic of the week is recalling Ravi's impact as an apologist and ambassador of the Gospel. This episode gets emotional.

In the subscriber portion, subscribers get to listen to Kyle and Ethan continue their tribute to Ravi and talk about civility, humility, and forgiveness.

Pre-order the new Babylon Bee Best-Of Coffee Table Book coming in 2020! Get a Sneak Peak!

Send your emails to podcast@babylonbee.com and maybe we will answer you in our next Mailbag segment!

Show Outline

Introduction 

Ethan helps out a family. You can help out too at https://www.ethannicolle.com/post/helping-a-struggling-family

Stuff That’s Good

Kyle likes Seinfeld 23 Hours To Kill and Ethan likes Kerry Callen’s Super Antics and Halo & Sprocket

This News Is Weird

Alleged thieves wore watermelons over heads at grocery store

'Virtual Pub Quiz' sets Guinness record for YouTube streaming

French serial-killer 'expert' admits he made up his experience — even the murder of his nonexistent wife

Pentagon officially releases UFO videos

Massive asteroid flying past Earth next week looks like it's wearing a face mask

Stories of the Week

Story 1 

MasterClass Replaces All Instructors With Greta Thunberg

• CNN added Greta to their panel of COVID-19 experts

• Check out the new ad from MasterClass!

Story 2 

California Police Attempt To Arrest Elon Musk's Holographic Decoy As Real Musk Escapes On Rocket To Mars

• Musk threatened he was leaving CA to another state

• Musk threatened they were reopening their factory and to come and arrest him if they county insisted on trying to keep them closed

• CA or the county of Merced backed off

• Tweeted “Take the red pill”/but red rose is democratic socialism

• Elon Musk speaks in parables and riddles, like Jesus

Story 3

Biden Campaign Hires Interpreter To Translate His Speeches Into English

• Biden’s interpreter reached out and provided a handy key to help us understand Biden’s unique and endearing speech patterns. Here are a few of the examples that should help you next time you see a Biden speech.

Topic of the Week

Kyle and Ethan recall great teaching moments from Ravi Zacharias. 

Clips referenced:

Meaninglessness  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=03qR8b4P8Uk

Islam/forgiveness: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GmRCsXRassg&feature=youtu.be

Testimony: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yO8HWH7aq-s

Civility: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9MYQhFB_f4I

Humility: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f78Nr4P5KaE

Short tribute: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UP5NybBs0Ak

Another short tribute: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HSy4YtExaJg&t

Meaninglessness is self-defeating: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4i68mc1lMkc

Subjective moral reasoning: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0218GkAGbnU

Hate Mail

Going to video means we are beginning to get comments on our appearances and some conspiracy theories about Kyle.

Paid-subscriber portion

Ravi Zacharias still teaches Kyle and Ethan about forgiveness, subjective moral reasoning, humility, and civility.

To watch or listen to the full length podcast, become a paid subscriber at https://babylonbee.com/plans

In this episode of The Babylon Bee podcast, editor-in-chief Kyle Mann and creative director Ethan Nicolle talk to professor Tim Milosch about China and international politics. Tim Milosch is an adjunct professor of communication studies, teaching world politics at Biola University, and is currently pursuing a doctoral degree in political science studies at Claremont Graduate University. Did the virus start from someone eating some bad bat soup? Is the Great Wall really that great?  Are the Chinese a bunch of filthy commies? Who is General Tso? Find out by watching this new episode!

You can hear more from Tim on his podcast Tim Talks Politics.

Topics Discussed

• Which jokes are not racist?
• Who is General Tso?
• The origins of the coronavirus
• Who are the Chinese Communist Party?
• China’s handling of its neighbors in the South Sea and refusal to recognize independence for Taiwan or Hong Kong
• China making fake islands
• Chinese propaganda
• China cracking down on churches, demolishing buildings, arresting Christians

Subscriber Portion

Kyle and Ethan subject Tim Milosch to the ten questions and we find out if there is a Roman Catholic Carman!

In this episode of The Babylon Bee podcast, editor-in-chief Kyle Mann and creative director Ethan Nicolle talk to Lyn Ulbricht, the mother of Ross Ulbricht who is currently serving two life sentences without the possibility of parole for creating Silk Road, which was essentially the libertarian Craigslist. Lyn Ulbricht heads up Free Ross, which is an organization that seeks criminal justice reform as well as Ross's freedom. They talk about Ross's case, excessive sentencing practices, and how Ross and Lyn have reconnected with Jesus during this whole series of events.

Topics Discussed

• Who is Ross? What was he like before all this happened?

• Silk Road

• Ross's prosecution and sentencing

• Ross's testimony about Christ giving hope in the midst of hard circumstances

Subscriber Portion

Kyle and Ethan try to break Lyn's brain with the ten questions.

Become a subscriber at babylonbee.com/plans

This episode is brought to you by Faithful Counseling. Click that link and get 10% off!

In this episode of The Babylon Bee podcast, editor-in-chief Kyle Mann and creative director Ethan Nicolle talk about the biggest stories of the week like the invasion of murder hornets, how a 30 second clip is dividing people, and the “if-it-just-saves-one-life” crowd supporting perpetual lockdown. Kira Davis, editor-at-large of RedState joins Kyle and Ethan for a bit and then Dr. Robert P. Murphy arrives to explain what in the world is going on with the economy under lockdown and how Christians should think more like an economist.  

In the subscriber portion, subscribers get to listen to Kyle and Ethan wax poetic on all the wonders of cheese with a G.K. Chesterton reading!

Send your emails to podcast@babylonbee.com and maybe we will answer you in our next Mailbag segment!

Pre-order the new Babylon Bee Best-Of Coffee Table Book coming in 2020!

Show Outline

Introduction 

Kyle’s vacation out of California rapidly descends into chaos as his car explodes and Ethan tries to one-up Kyle’s story.  

Stuff That’s Good

Kyle likes the In-N-Out Animal Style Fries & secret menu and Ethan likes The Steeldrivers (Chris Stapleton years).

This News Is Weird

Florida lizard breaks world poop record, dies constipated

Man walks into Dunkin Donuts with no mask — or pants

'Darth Vader' enforces lockdown in Philippine village

World’s biggest 5G tower installed on Mount Everest using yaks to lug ‘controversial’ equipment up tracks

French encouraged to eat more cheese as act of patriotism

Stories of the Week

Story 1 

Trump Retaliates Against Asian Murder Hornets With American Kamikaze Bears

• Washington state is noticing a worrying new invasive species of Asian Giant Hornets called “Murder Hornets”

• Are bears the deterrent we need to stop this unchecked aggression from the Far East lately?
• What other options did Trump consider?

Story 2 

Asking For Context Of Thirty Second Video Revealed To Be Racist Dog Whistle

• Ahmaud Aubrey was followed in a truck in an alleged citizen’s arrest by two whites, a father and son.

• When one of the men tried to use a shotgun to force the man to comply, an altercation occurred, in which Ahmaud was killed.

• Everyone is forming an opinion based on 30 seconds of footage- which looks really bad- but does it provide all the relevant data we need to decide guilt? Is it okay to ask questions?

• The struggle of even talking about this civilly and the frustration felt by all people

Story 3

 'It's Worth It If It Saves Just One Life,' Says Woman Who Supports Abortion On Demand

• Hypocrisy of the left on saving lives… trying to keep abortion clinics open and shutting everything else down

• Obviously would have to shut down cities, get rid of cars, planes, subways… 

• As if a permanent lockdown on the economy won’t cost lives in the long run.  Even now the UN is warning about 260 million marching to starvation worldwide as a result of the economy being shut down. What about those lives?

• If we don’t get back to work and produce things, pretty soon we won’t be just watching netflix and ordering in pizza every night. Things will get bad for everyone.

• Planned Parenthood’s bizarre tweet on Mother’s Day

Interview of the Week

Dr. Robert P Murphy joins Kyle and Ethan to help explain what in the world is going on with the economy. He breaks things down like Ethan is five and uses numerous lemonade stand analogies.  We had some issues on the skype video quality.

Love Mail/Hate Mail

We talk about how we are a racist trash fire.

Paid-subscriber portion 

Looking at Chesterton’s essay on cheese. Poets need to write more about cheese.

Become a paid subscriber at https://babylonbee.com/plans

Editor-in-chief Kyle Mann and creative director Ethan Nicolle go on a roller coaster ride of an interview with outspoken Christian and duck hunter Phil Robertson of Duck Dynasty fame. He was quarantining before it was cool and he gives life lessons and gospel witness in this whirlwind episode.  They discuss free toilet paper you find in the woods, what the apostle Paul says about killing millions of ducks, and how sex, drugs, and rock 'n' roll don't satisfy. 

You can watch Phil's new show In The Woods With Phil on Blaze TV.

Pre-order the new Babylon Bee Best-Of Coffee Table Book coming in 2020! Get a Sneak Peak!

Topics Discussed

• Having a camera crew living with your family

• Being explicitly Christian in a public sphere

• Living off in the woods all by yourself- quarantining before it was cool

• Free toilet paper in the woods

• Coming to Jesus and living by the good book

• Phil's mouth is Noah's ark filled with two of every animal

• Why we kill ducks and not geese

• Putting down the pudding and picking up popcorn

This episode is available to watch in full for everyone as a celebration of the launch of our video podcasts.

Become a paid subscriber at https://babylonbee.com/plans

In this special mother's day episode of The Babylon Bee podcast, editor-in-chief Kyle Mann and creative director Ethan Nicolle are joined by their moms, Diane and Diane, to talk about the biggest stories of the week like celebrities being just like you, believe-all-women hypocrisy, and how expert predictions always go well.  Then, the biggest topic of the week, your mom.  We find out about what it was like having to raise Kyle and Ethan and whether or not it was worth it.

In the subscriber portion, subscribers get to keep listening to the two Dianes spill on all the really embarassing stories that they have on Kyle and Ethan. Kyle's mom brings in a treasure trove of old stuff Kyle made.

Send your emails to podcast@babylonbee.com and maybe we will answer you in our next Mailbag segment!

Pre-order the new Babylon Bee Best-Of Coffee Table Book coming in 2020!

Show Outline

Introduction -  Kyle and Ethan are joined by Kyle's mom Diane and introduce viewers to the new videocast.

Stuff That’s Good - 

Kyle - Disc golf

Ethan - Crooked Still

Weird news- 

Police in India reveal device to detain coronavirus lockdown violators without contact

Kentucky governor apologizes to Tupac Shakur for unemployment mix-up

Sign warns 'mystery human poo-er' to stop defecating on garage

Man takes 43 wet sponge hits to the face for Guinness record

Stories of the Week

Story 1 - Inspiring: Celebrities Spell Out 'We're All In This Together' With Their Yachts

With Americans feeling the financial pressure of millions of jobs lost, Celebrities joined together to bring hope to the nation by spelling “We’re all in this together” with their yachts

• Patton Tweet

• People who thought it was real

• Hope police cars - PROPHECY REPORT cops got together to spell out HOPE with their cars and they really did that

Story 2 - Judge Dismisses Sexual Assault Allegations Against Biden On Grounds That He Is Not A Republican

At a prelimary hearing to establish evidence in the sexual assault allegations against Joe Biden, a federal judge dismissed all charges after the revelation that he was not a Republican.

• This is the new normal since Kavanaugh

• Get screenshots of tweets from Kavanaugh era

• Adam Ford updated old Pelosi tweets: https://disrn.com/news/opinion-updated-some-of-pelosis-tweets-in-light-of-accusations-against-biden

• Feminist attorney Lisa Bloom said she believes Tara Reade was assaulted by Biden but still supports him: I believe you, Tara Reade.

Story 3 - Scientists Who Didn't Predict A Single Thing Accurately For Last Two Months Confident They Know What The Weather Is Going To Be Like In 100 Years

Authorities in the scientific community who touted faulty COVID-19 models confirmed today that they are "pretty confident" they know what the weather is going to be like in 100 years.

Kyle and Ethan play Name That Failed Prophecy!

Topic of the Week - Your Mom

• Was it worth it? 

• Weird/embarrassing stories from the kids’ youth (subscriber?)

• What’s your favorite yo momma joke?

• Parenting advice: you’re obviously great parents since you raised the minds behind The Babylon Bee. What is some advice you have for all the young mothers out there?

• What was the worst part about raising (Ethan/Kyle)

• What hopes and dreams were crushed the moment you became a parent

• What do you do with all your free time now 

• Kyle talks about his Christian upbringing. You didn’t let him watch movies like The Terminator or Friday the 13th, scarring him for life. What do you have to say for yourself?

• Are there any interesting home remedies you found as a mother?

• Tips for moms -- agree or disagree

Love Mail/Hate Mail-   We got some hate regarding this gem.

Paid-subscriber portion

Exclusive moms stuff

Subscribers, please send you emails to our mailbag at podcast@babylonbee.com so Kyle and Ethan can answer your questions or talk about the things you want to hear about.

Become a paid subscriber at https://babylonbee.com/plans

This is The Babylon Bee Interview Show.

Editor-in-chief Kyle Mann and creative director Ethan Nicolle talk to Larry the Cucumber voice and VeggieTales co-creator and Mike Nawrocki! Mike is a director, producer, writer, voice actor, animator, musician, puppeteer, and assistant professor of Film and Animation at Lipscomb University in Nashville, TN. Kyle, Ethan, and Mike give you the Babylon Bee exclusive behind-the-scenes look into the world of VeggieTales!

Mike is also the author of a series of children’s books called The Dead Sea Squirrels—out now!

You can find more from Mike Nawrocki at Facebook and Instagram.

Pre-order the new Babylon Bee Best-Of Coffee Table Book coming in 2020! Get a Sneak Peak!

If you are hurting financially right now, check out our $100,000 COVID relief fund set up by Seth Dillon which you can find out more about by contacting us at our website. If you need financial help contact us! Also donate if you are able to chip in to help!

Topics Discussed

• How the original VeggieTales became a huge sensation

• How Ethan ruined VeggieTales with In The House

• Kyle and Ethan give Mike free creative advise and character ideas

• Mike's new books The Dead Sea Squirrels

Subscriber Portion (Begins at 00:42:37)

• Does he have any thoughts on Phil Vischer’s comments where he regrets aspects of VeggieTales?

• Bacon Bill and MeatyTales

• We get Larry the Cucumber to read some Bible verses you've never heard him read before!

The entire interview is available for Babylon Bee subscribers only…

Become a paid subscriber at https://babylonbee.com/plans

This is the Babylon Bee weekly news podcast for the week of 4/29/2020.

In this episode of The Babylon Bee podcast, editor-in-chief Kyle Mann and creative director Ethan Nicolle talk about the biggest stories of the week like Kim Jong Un being Un-dead, doctor Trump talking about disinfectant being used to clean the body, and the oppression of the American people under this lockdown being so bad that Trump has to tell the governors to “let my people go!” This episode is a must listen for the ‘Go Down Donald’ music track alone which we spent way too much time on. They also talk about why staring at a TV isn’t church.

In the subscriber portion, subscribers get to listen to Kyle and Ethan dig into the mail bag where they find an audio file sent to us by a subscriber! They talk about worship songs or worship leader habits that really bug them and answer other deep questions from subscribers. 

Send your emails to podcast@babylonbee.com and maybe we will answer you in our next Mailbag segment!

If you are hurting financially right now, check out our $100,000 COVID relief fund set up by Seth Dillon which you can find out more about by contacting us at our website. If you need financial help contact us! Also donate if you are able to chip in to help!

Pre-order the new Babylon Bee Best-Of Coffee Table Book coming in 2020!

Show Outline

Introduction - Kyle and Ethan talk about waterslides and hotdogs and shampoo.

Stuff That’s Good - 

Kyle: H.P. Lovecraft - At the Mountains of Madness, The Festival, Rats in the Walls, The Hound

Ethan:  Like Trees Walking Podcast

These Things Are Weird - 

Ontario woman’s life saved by breast implant that deflected bullet

Dirt bikers make use of sand-covered skate park in California

Oregon man drove to 11 different Wendy's restaurants twice in 1 day to stock up on free nuggets, report says

Woman ‘wakes up in a body bag after mistakenly being declared dead’

Stories of the Week

Story 1 - North Korea Reports Kim Jong Un Is 'Most Alive Person In Universe'

• NBC’s Katy Tur tweeted then quickly deleted a tweet saying he was brain dead

• Conflicting rumors were circulating that the North Korean dictator had to have heart surgery to put a stent put in and that he was either dead or in a vegitative state

•  Liberals started thirsting for a woman dictator in his sister Kim Yo Jong

• North Korea is going to get a woman leader before the US? LET THAT SINK IN PEOPLE

•  Other countries that beat the US to a woman leader

• Kyle reads a very real and not fake at all statement from the People's Republic Of North Korea