The Babylon Bee

By The Babylon Bee

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Description

This is the official, authoritative, inspired podcast of the Babylon Bee. Join editor-in-chief Kyle Mann and writer/creative director Ethan Nicolle for a look at weekly highlights, discussing the spiciest topics of the times, the stories behind the stories, and a behind-the-scenes look at the inner workings of America's most trusted source for Christian news satire.

Episode Date
The Bee Reads LOTR Episode 3: The One Ring And The Shadow
36:57

From the heart of the Shire, through the depths of Moria, to the ends of Middle-Earth, it’s The Babylon Bee Reads The Lord Of The Rings! In this episode of The Babylon Bee Reads, Kyle and Dan are joined by Jonathan Watson, creator alongside his two friends of TheOneRing.Com, which can also be followed on Facebook. Kyle, Dan, and Jon are on a quest to joyfully dig through Chapter 2, The Shadow Of The Past, which gives us plenty of exposition about the one ring, the stirring forces of evil in Middle-Earth and explains why Frodo is no longer safe in the Shire.

Be sure to check out The Babylon Bee YouTube Channel for more podcasts, podcast shorts, animation, and more.

To watch or listen to the full podcast, become a subscriber at https://babylonbee.com/plans.

Chapter 2 - The Shadow of the Past

Frodo is an oddity like Bilbo was and becomes restless.

He continues celebrating Bilbo’s birthday and shows signs of ‘good preservation’ even as he approaches age 50 the same age when Bilbo left on his journey. 

Tolkien is telling history before it happens (the developing of his myth like Mad Baggins)

We hear about his close friends... Fredegar Bolder and Folco Boffin are mentioned but Merry and Pippin are closest and are anxious about him as Frodo takes to taking long walks farther away from home in the hills under the stars and becoming obsessed with maps and dreaming of mountains he has never seen before. “The old paths seemed too well-trodden”

Frodo is seeing the elves going west as they leave M-E for good. And dwarves are coming west to the Blue Mountains. They provide a lot of news from outside the Shire... 

Ominous tidings. 

“They were troubled, and some spoke in whispers of the Enemy and of the Land of Mordor.” the evil power in Mirkwood had been driven out by the White Council only to reappear in greater strength in the old strongholds of Mordor. The Dark Tower had been rebuilt, it was said. From there the power was spreading far and wide, and away far east and south there were wars and growing fear. Orcs were multiplying again in the mountains. Trolls were abroad, no longer dull-witted, but cunning and armed with dreadful weapons. And there were murmured hints of creatures more terrible than all these, but they had no name.”

Gandalf hasn’t been seen for 9 years, after a time of coming and going and being concerned about Frodo’s health (what does he suspect?), and just as well since the people of the Shire suspect he had something to do with Bilbo going mad and disappearing

"'I wish it need not have happened in my time,' said Frodo.

'So do I,' said Gandalf, 'and so do all who live to see such times. But that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us.'" 

The discussion of the fall and corruption of Smeagol and a discussion on the pity of Bilbo.

The depiction of Sméagol not being wholly ruined.

A discussion of fate in The Lord of the Rings: Bilbo was meant to find the ring and Frodo was meant to have it. Wills of secondary agents.
Deserves it! I daresay he does. Many that live deserve death. And some that die deserve life. Can you give it to them? Then do not be too eager to deal out death in judgement. For even the very wise cannot see all ends. I have not much hope that Gollum can be cured before he dies, but there is a chance of it. And he is bound up with the fate of the Ring. My heart tells me that he has some part to play yet, for good or ill, before the end; and when that comes, the pity of Bilbo may rule the fate of many – yours not least.

We get introduced to Samwise Gamgee w/ the convo at The Green Dragon at Bywater!! (He believes in “fairies” or at least dragons and ents)

Has a love for elves and has a childlike wonder about the world nurtured by Bilbo’s stories.

“I dare say there’s more truth in some of them than you reckon.”

G.K. Chesterton wrote about the importance of fairytales as did Lewis and Tolkien… “Fairytales do not tell children that dragons exist. Children already know that dragons exist. Fairytales tell children that dragons can be killed.”

Frodo seems to have some trust issues with Gandalf.

You say the ring is dangerous, far more dangerous than I guess.

It would overcome anyone of mortal race. The ring would possess the possessor

‘A mortal, Frodo, who keeps one of the Great Rings, does not die, but he does not grow or obtain more life, he merely continues, until at last every minute is a weariness. And if he often uses the Ring to make himself invisible, he fades: he becomes in the end invisible permanently, walks in the twilight under the eye of the Dark Power that rules the Rings. Yes, sooner or later – later, if he is strong or well-meaning to begin with, but neither strength nor good purpose will last – sooner or later the Dark Power will devour him.’

The ring can also shrink or expand at will to slip of a finger if it wanted.

Gandalf began to think something odd about it right when Bilbo found it and lied about winning the ring from Gollum. He talks about Saruman and whether Bible will be harmed. He voluntarily gave up the ring!

Among the Wise I am the only one that goes in for hobbit-lore: an obscure branch of knowledge, but full of surprises. Soft as butter they can be, and yet sometimes as tough as old tree roots.

Greatness vs Morality

 Subscriber Portion

Mail-bo Baggins!

Jonathan’s take on the Movie adaptations 

Movie Differences

Jan 16, 2021
Pro-Trump Manatees, Arminian Riots, and Big Tech Censorship
51:47

This is the Babylon Bee Weekly News Podcast for the week of 1/15/2021.

In this episode of The Babylon Bee Podcast, Kyle and Ethan talk about the week’s biggest stories like how Arminians are storming the gates of Heaven to protest election, wild manatees are suddenly coming out in a strong show of support for Donald Trump, and censorship is hitting anyone to the right of Stalin thanks to “Big T.” Kyle’s favorite bird to pronounce eats an alligator, samosas fly into space, and the squirrels are up to something! It’s another The Babylon Bee news show!

Be sure to check out The Babylon Bee YouTube Channel for more podcasts, podcast shorts, animation, and more.

 

To watch or listen to the full podcast, become a subscriber at https://babylonbee.com/plans

Introduction

Kyle celebrates his birthday with the California Highway Patrol.

Stuff That’s Good

Kyle likes Pete Vik’s Hope and Light & Darkness.

Ethan likes Gran Torino… again. And The Outlaw Josey Wales. Okay, Clint Eastwood stuff n general.

Weird News

Game warden uses marksmanship to rescue deer with locked antlers

Fulfilled prophecy? Mysterious NYC squirrel attacks rise in Queens neighborhood: Report

Website seeks 'professional binge watcher' to watch Netflix, eat pizza

Samosa sent to 'space' by British eatery crash-lands in France

Scientists Report First Instances of Dwarf Giraffes

Florida manatee has 'TRUMP' etched into its side; officials seek information

Florida bird caught on video swallowing whole alligator

Kyle gets three Guinness World Records since it is his birthday!

Man chops through apples while juggling knives for Guinness record

 

Siblings Set World Record for the Highest Combined Age, 1042 Years

Athlete does 64 hand-release pushups in one minute for new record

Stories of the Week

Story 1 Arminians Storm God's Throne Room To Protest Election

Summary:A gang of rogue Arminians has broken into God's throne room in order to protest the doctrine of election, sources confirmed Thursday. Hordes of the anti-Calvinist protesters stormed the gates of heaven before angels were forced to fall back and barricade the throne room.

 

"Down with the predestined, sovereign election of God!" cried one man from Florida as he burst into the throne room wearing a buffalo hat. "This whole thing is rigged! Divine interference!"

Arminians were seen scaling the walls of heaven. One managed to hang a "Who is able to resist His will?" banner on the gates of the place, while others busted in and started roaming the streets of gold looking for the Lord's throne room. A few made it in but were instantly killed by being in the presence of the Almighty God, sparking further protests.

There was very little looting, though a few Chick-fil-A sandwiches were taken.

At publishing time, Arminians had suggested the protesters were actually Calvinists disguised as Arminians to make them look bad. Calvinists say there is no proof of this as most of the protesters had neither beards nor smug looks on their faces.

 

The Real Story: Oh wait, the capitol building got stormed too? The capitol building was stormed, presumably by pro-Trump fanatics who think the 2020 election was rigged. 

-A man in a buffalo hat was there and another man walked off with a podium. One man ransacked Nancy Pelosi’s office. 

-Also, in related news, The Babylon Bee slack channel simply titled #Theology because #ArguingAboutCalvinism was too long, has kicked off with many fiery screeds about free will, election, predestination, and the love of God.

-Imagine if Trump had won, none of this would have happened. this is Antifa at the capitol:

-Antifa leader “Brothers, fret we may, but a fair election has ended and we must accept the results, though they were not in our favor. Lay down your bricks. Remove the vodka soaked rags from your molotov cocktails and drink with me as we accept these results like men. We shall leave the Capitol unmolested, we will don no buffalo garments, for we are not like those savages. Yes, we have a line we will not cross, and this is it.”  Then they sing an ancient Antifa war song about honor, tragedy, and losing with dignity.. 

Sad part of the story, in addition to the erosion of our norms and culture, was that a woman Ashli Babbitt was shot dead by the police, several other rioters died from medical emergencies, and a capitol police officer, Brian Sicknick, was killed in the riot at the Capitol.

 

See also: Our NEW animation about Who Was Really Behind The Attack On The Capitol

Story 2 After Being Kicked Off Social Media, Trump Forced To Go Door To Door And Shout 'RIGGED ELECTION!'

 

Summary:  After being permanently banned from social media, President Trump has been forced to knock on doors across the country, one door at a time. If anyone opens the door, he will shout one of his classic lines such as "RIGGED ELECTION!" or "Hillary is a loser! SAD!" at them before moving on to the next house.

 

Real Story:  Big Tech is going nuts on the censorship front.
Donald Trump got suspended from Twitter and Facebook for “inciting a riot” 

Twitter’s statement said, “After close review of recent Tweets from the @realDonaldTrump account and the context around them — specifically how they are being received and interpreted on and off Twitter — we have permanently suspended the account due to the risk of further incitement of violence.” 

Amazon, Apple, and Google got Parler got taken down.

Ron Paul has been blocked from Facebook.

Conservatives, libertarians and otherwise non-woke people seem to be shedding followers on Twitter and also 70,000 Q accounts are being booted en masse.

Conservatives have been quick to point out the double standards and hypocrisy of social media companies letting leftist incitements to violence stay and slamming the hammer down on conservatives.

 

Revealing CNN article: Defiant Trump denounces violence but takes no responsibility for inciting deadly riot 

 

Twitter blog about Trump tweets

 

Story 3 Biden Unveils Skin Color Chart To Determine Who Gets Federal Aid

 

Summary: President-elect Joe Biden gave a press briefing from the basement of his Wilmington mansion announcing that his incoming administration will be utilizing an innovative skin color chart to determine who is the priority in receiving their share of the $900 billion federal coronavirus aid package recently passed by Congress. 

 

Our priority will be black, Latino, Asian, and Native American-owned small businesses, women-owned businesses (real quote),” Biden informed the nation. “We are sending out a new color chart to all agencies involved to make sure there is no malarkey…”

Experts praised the administration’s new color chart as being very unambiguous, black-and-white even, on who the government was going to help and not help.

 

Real Story: From Joe Biden’s website To address the racial wealth gap, the opportunity gap, and the jobs gap for Black and Brown people, Biden will launch a historic effort to empower small business creation and expansion in economically disadvantaged areas – and particularly for Black-, Latino-, AAPI-, and Native American-owned businesses.”

Joe Biden Website

Washington Post Article On Joe Biden Small Business Plan

 

Joe Biden’s reported nominee for head of DOJ, Kristen Clarke said back in her Harvard days, “Melanin endows Blacks with greater mental, physical and spiritual abilities — something which cannot be measured based on Eurocentric standards.”

 

Topic of the Week: 

 

Big Tech Censorship, what is the role of social media?

-Libertarian private property trumps all so a private company can just do what it wants? 

-Federal Section 230 protections protect social media companies as being considered platforms instead of publishers- is that cool? 

-Jack was gloating about Parler being taken down

-Are we heading to a place where conservatives have to make their own phones, own networks, own web providers, own banks?

They made their own, Parler, and it got taken down by Amazon, Google, and Apple. 

GoDaddy took away the domain registration for a gun forum AR-15.com

Big megacorporations like AMEX, AMAZON, Marriot, Commerce Bank,  Dow, Hallmark, Blue Cross, Charles Shwab, their PACs are cutting off donations to 147 Republicans who supported efforts against certifying the election results.

 

At least three banks are cutting off ties from Trump. (Signature, Deutsche, and Profession banks) 

 

What are the implications for The Babylon Bee? What threats do we have and why do we need subscribers to support us.

 

The hypocrisy of Big Tech of what they allow to remain up.

 

Hate Mail

 

Will says we are making Christianity look bad again.

 

Subscriber Portion

Behind the Scenes Update

When this comes out Kyle will be at Winter Bee Con in Michigan.

Mailbag

Jackson Baker sent us a video about how the proposal went and answers some of Ethan’s questions like if Kelsey got bored reading the list of tips from the Bee.

Bonus Hate Mail

Doug incites violence we think and maybe thinks we created social media?

Headline Forums

Got Any Cool Stories? 

Story Time With Ethan Nicolle

Email us your cool stories!

Jan 15, 2021
Abigail Shrier Interview: The Truth Behind Trans Children
01:03:28

This is the Babylon Bee Interview Show.

In this episode of The Babylon Bee Podcast, Kyle and Ethan talk to Abigail Shrier, a writer for the Wall Street Journal, The Federalist and author of new book Irreversible Damage. In the book she explores the “transgender craze,” where in the last few years, there has been an explosion in people identifying as transgender -- especially among biological females now identifying as male. The book was recently banned from Target -- though later reinstated -- after one transgender individual complained on Twitter. Topics include the Transgenderism craze, big tech, and making women a victim class. 

Buy her book here: Irreversible Damage: The Transgender Craze Seducing Our Daughters

Be sure to check out The Babylon Bee YouTube Channel for more podcasts, podcast shorts, animation, and more.

To watch or listen to the full podcast, become a subscriber at https://babylonbee.com/plans.

Topics Discussed 

Transgenderism craze in society

How Abigail became involved in the debate

Effects of testosterone on women

Social media and Transgender influencers

Using Google to solve everything

Helicopter parenting 

Why social media is poison 

Embracing ideology instead of religion 

Gender clinics

What you can get without a parent’s consent in most states

How they are able to teach gender in school without parent’s knowledge

Secret identities at school

Teen hysteria 

What is the science behind transgenderism? 

Doctor’s roles 

De-transitioning

Big tech

The best thing a dad can do for his daughter

Pride parade in schools 

Subscriber Portion

Why this shouldn’t be a political issue

Postmodernism, post-truth

Making women a victim class

LGBTQ infighting

Public lies

Biological differences

Feminism

Abigail’s book removal from Target

Silence from reviewers

In defense of boyhood and girlhood.

Jan 12, 2021
The Bee Reads LOTR Episode 2: A Birthday In The Shire
38:04

From the heart of the Shire, through the depths of Moria, to the ends of Middle-Earth, it’s The Babylon Bee Reads The Lord Of The Rings! In this episode of The Babylon Bee Reads, Kyle and Dan dive into the book, beginning as most books do, in Chapter 1, with A Long Expected Party. There’s a birthday party of special magnificence, a place worth fighting for, and a wizard puttering down the road with fireworks. There’s something very wrong in Hobbiton though.

Be sure to check out The Babylon Bee YouTube Channel for more podcasts, podcast shorts, animation, and more.

To watch or listen to the full podcast, become a subscriber at https://babylonbee.com/plans.

We answer your comments and questions in the subscriber portion. 

Episode 2: A Long-Expected Party

Opening line: When Mr. Bilbo Baggins of Bag End announced that he would shortly be celebrating his eleventy-first birthday with a party of special magnificence, there was much talk and excitement in Hobbiton.

The subtle magic of Middle-Earth: Bilbo is 111 years old. Frodo/Bilbo having same birthday. Theme of fate introduced.

The depiction of the Shire -- a foil for the rest of the adventure’s rising danger.

The Shire gives us a place worth fighting for.

Gandalf arrives -- we have an instigating event, a catalyst. (Kyle’s G rune tattoo mentioned). Fireworks! Such simple pleasures.

Foreshadowing of ill effects of Bilbo’s ring and treasure -- and Bilbo’s planned trick.

This chapter never managed to hook my older boys, but I wonder if I tried again at their ages -- 12 and 10 -- they would become interested. It’s a good hook. I suppose it helps if you’ve read The Hobbit. This may be the quintessential example of something where the previous book helps but is still absolutely unnecessary to read to understand.

The foreboding ending is perfect: “Frodo saw him to the door. He gave a final wave of his hand, and walked off at a surprising pace; but Frodo thought the old wizard looked unusually bent, almost as if he was carrying a great weight. The evening was closing in, and his cloaked figure quickly vanished into the twilight. Frodo did not see him again for a long time.”

Jan 09, 2021
Amen, Awomen, And A New Year For Bee Prophecies
48:49

This is the Babylon Bee Weekly News Podcast for the week of 1/8/2021.

In this episode of The Babylon Bee Podcast, Kyle and Ethan talk about the week’s biggest stories like Biden’s new mask womandate, totally healthy dead Cosmopolitan cover girls, and The Babylon Bee’s new 100% effective marriage proposal service. The always prophetic Bee writers have made predictions for 2021, there’s weird news, and ever-glorious hate mail.  

Be sure to check out The Babylon Bee YouTube Channel for more podcasts, podcast shorts, animation, and more.

To watch or listen to the full podcast, become a subscriber at https://babylonbee.com/plans

Stuff That’s Good

Kyle likes coffee. He ranks his methods of coffee prep.

Ethan likes BroForce. 

Weird News

German pilot makes point with syringe in the sky

Kentucky man goes viral for clearing snowy driveway with flamethrower

UPDATE ON JETPACK MAN: Los Angeles pilot finally captures elusive 'jetpack man' on video

Escaped hamster braves freezing temperatures to get to candy store

Bodybuilder may spend holidays alone after sex-doll wife is ‘broken’

Police respond to chickens 'wreaking havoc' at New Jersey McDonald's

UAE chefs bake world's longest line of pies for Guinness record

Story 1: 10 Tips for Proposing to Your Girlfriend: A Love Story!

Summary: Spring is almost here. We think. We’re not really sure since we’ve all been locked inside our homes since last spring. Anyway, now is the time when Ring Before Spring takes over all the Bible colleges and young men start proposing left and right. Some of our readers might be wondering: how should I propose to my girlfriend? We asked love experts like Gary Chapman, our youth pastor, and Joshua Harris, and compiled these ten tips for proposing to your woman. 

Real Story: Top ten list in the link. The main thing was to keep number 9 and 10 in there for Jackson Baker to propose to his girlfriend, Kelsey. One of the pictures he sent is below:

Story 2: Biden Promises Nationwide Mask Mandate And Womandate

Summary: In light of recent events, Biden has updated his COVID plan to include not just a mask mandate, but a mask womandate as well. In a prepared statement given to his nurse and posted on Twitter, the completely legitimate and unquestioned president-elect apologized for the sexist language in his plan.

Real story: Hilarity ensued when House Democrats opened up the 117th session of congress with an opening prayer from Rep. Emanuel Cleaver, D-Missouri, minister at the St. James United Methodist Church, a prayer made in the name of “the monotheistic god, Brahma, and god known by many names by many different faiths,” which ended with AMEN and A-WOMAN.

Amen is not gendered. It is from Hebrew and means It means “it is so” or “so it be.” Amen is derived from the Hebrew āmēn, which means “certainty,” “truth,” and “verily.”

Other ways on which Rep. Cleaver has updated his speech.

Story 3: 'This Is Healthy': Cosmopolitan Features First-Ever Dead Cover Girls

Summary: Yass, slay, queens -- dead queens, that is! Cosmopolitan Magazine is promoting body positivity with the first-ever series of corpse cover models.

The issues feature interviews with and profiles on a dozen dead girls who show how they too can be healthy despite being completely dead.

Real story: Cosmopolitan Magazine is featuring on its cover very overweight women as the picture of health with the main story being ‘11 women on why wellness doesn’t have to be one-size-fits-all.”

Topic of the Week: The Babylon Bee’s 2021 Prophecies!

Hate Mail 

Bryan says we’ve become too political.

Subscriber Portion

Mailbag from Drew that puts Ethan right to sleep

Bonus Hate Mail

Cool Story From Becky

Headline Forum

Jan 08, 2021
Andrew Heaton Interview: Will Be Your Amish Ambassador
01:04:10

This is the Babylon Bee Interview Show.

In this episode of The Babylon Bee Podcast, Kyle and Ethan talk to comedian, author, and political satirist  Andrew Heaton. Andrew has performed stand up comedy all over the world and hosts two podcasts, one of them featuring Kyle and Ethan. Andrew’s two podcasts are titled The Political Orphanage and Alienating the Audience. Kyle and Ethan dive into Andrew’s strange Oklahoma upbringing that deals with a Prison rodeo, eating a rattlesnake heart, and having unknown ties to a family cave. While on his journey out of Oklahoma, Andrew worked for a time at congress and tells Kyle and Ethan about how that experience helped shape him to become politically homeless. 

Andrew is @MightyHeaton on all social media. 

Political Orphanage Podcast

Alienating The Audience

Be sure to check out The Babylon Bee YouTube Channel for more podcasts, podcast shorts, animation, and more.

To watch or listen to the full podcast, become a subscriber at https://babylonbee.com/plans

Topics Discussed

Trouble with sleep

Political labels and comedy

Oklahoma prison rodeo 

Rattlesnake derby 

Eating rattlesnake hearts

Exploring Caves in Oklahoma

Weiner Dog racing 

Dinner with an Amish community

Viking Runestones

Working for Congress 

Beer pong with a Congressman

Alienating the Audience

Economics of Dune

Current Political Art is going to age badly

How British politics do it right

Owning a distillery in Scotland 

Getting a van stuck in a bog in Scotland

Subscriber Portion

Italian Fire

Cigar smoking

Living in a variety of places

Quarantine in a camper

Legalizing drugs

Underground libertarian drug den

Meeting Vermin Supreme

Yelling at politicians

European Californians

GK Chesterton quote

History Improv

10 Questions

Phil Robertson

Stephen Colbert

Bombing as a comedian 

Jan 05, 2021
The Babylon Bee New Year's Special 2021
34:55

This is the Babylon Bee New Year's Special 2021.

In this episode of The Babylon Bee Podcast, Kyle and Ethan do a rundown on 2020’s biggest and best Babylon Bee stories that gave the world fake news they could trust. They talk about all the big changes at The Babylon Bee and give a behind-the-scenes look into the creative process behind the top ten Bee articles of the year. Even though the year was a crazy one, Kyle and Ethan want to end 2020 with a little Chestertonian awe, wonder, and gratitude.

Be sure to check out The Babylon Bee YouTube Channel for more podcasts, podcast shorts, animation, and more.

To watch or listen to the full podcast, become a subscriber at https://babylonbee.com/plans

The Babylon Bee 2020 In Retrospect

This year, The Babylon Bee:

Got a real studio

Launched video podcasts

Launched animation

Grew tremendously in # of subscribers

We shifted to full-time coronavirus jokes for a while

First annual BeeCon

Got attacked by Facebook, banned by Twitter

Hired more people (it was basically just me and Ethan a year ago)

Trump shared our article, thinking it was real?

New York Times profile

Interviewed some really big names!

Published The Sacred Texts Of The Babylon Bee, Volume 1!

Top 10 Bee Articles of the year

10 - Inspiring: Celebrities Spell Out 'We're All In This Together' With Their Yachts

9 - Trump Announces He Has Hidden 5 Golden Tickets Among Stimulus Checks

8 - Biden: 'I Am The Only Candidate Who Can Beat Ronald Reagan'

7 - FBI Hires Top-Rated Italian Bodyguard Hiluigi Clintonelli To Protect Ghislaine Maxwell

6 - Walmart Now Requires All Shoppers To Wear Pants

5 - NBA Players Wear Special Lace Collars To Honor Ruth Bader Ginsburg

4 - Biden Campaign Says He Is So Close To A VP Pick He Can Smell Her

3 - Bernie Tests Negative For President

2 - Cracker Jack Changes Name To More Politically Correct Caucasian Jack

1  - Biden Cuts Hole In Mask So He Can Still Sniff People's Hair

One last “G.K. Chesterton!” for 2020.

Subscriber Portion: Bonus Top Articles #11-15

15 - Miracle: Coronavirus Passes Over Houses With Chick-Fil-A Sauce Smeared On Door Posts

14 - With Statues Gone, Pigeons Forced To Poop On Rioters

13 - In Bold Anti-Trump Statement, Pelosi Rips Up Bible

12 - Podiums At Next Debate To Be Equipped With Life Alert Buttons

11 - Democrats Warn That American People May Tamper With Next Election

Dec 31, 2020
The Bee Reads LOTR Episode 1: Concerning Allegory and Hobbits
31:55

From the heart of the Shire, through the depths of Moria, to the ends of Middle-Earth, it’s The Babylon Bee Reads The Lord Of The Rings! In this episode of The Babylon Bee Reads, Kyle and Dan tell some of their personal stories relating to Tolkien’s writings and discuss Tolkien’s Foreword in which he aggressively denies that The Lord Of The Rings is an allegory. Subscribers also get to hear their discussion of the Prologue concerning hobbits, the Shire, and pipeweed.

Be sure to check out The Babylon Bee YouTube Channel for more podcasts, podcast shorts, animation, and more.

To watch or listen to the full podcast, become a subscriber at https://babylonbee.com/plans.

We answer your comments and questions in the subscriber portion. Leave your letters at podcast@babylonbee.com.

Foreword

Our personal stories with Lord of the Rings

Themes we’ve gotten out of the books in the past

How fleeting evil is. History is cyclical, but the faithful need not worry. (Tom Bombadil) (“There was light and high beauty for ever beyond its reach”)

Small people doing ordinary deeds can change the world - Diana Glyer

Good vs. evil, obviously. But more specifically, the asymmetric war of  good and evil. Good is eternal. Evil is fleeting. Evil is just twisted good. They are not on equal footing.

Tolkien’s almost overly defensive foreword -- extreme insistence that it’s not an allegory

Says if it were an allegory for WW2, the Free Peoples would have used the Ring.

Prologue

Setting the stage: Middle-Earth as myth and an alternate history of earth

Hobbits are seemingly unimportant, yet they change the world

Maps!

Dec 30, 2020
The Babylon Bee Christmas Special 2020
01:13:39

In this episode of The Babylon Bee Podcast, Kyle and Ethan celebrate Christmas at The Babylon Bee Studio with returning guests Kira Davis, Kellen Erskine, and Greg Koukl. They debate what qualifies as a Christmas movie, wonder how great it would be to have a VeggieTales/Hallmark Movie Universe crossover, and try to rank International Ninja Day and Taylor Swift’s birthday among other venerated December holidays. Merry Christmas!

Be sure to check out The Babylon Bee YouTube Channel for more podcasts, podcast shorts, animation, and more.

To watch or listen to the full podcast, become a subscriber at https://babylonbee.com/plans.

Kellen has a podcast about books: The Book Pile

Kira Davis has a podcast about her opinions and also another podcast about Hallmark Christmas movies: Just Listen To Yourself and A Very Merry Podcast

Greg Koukl can be heard at Stand To Reason including #STRAsks.

Topics Discussed

New studio 

TikTok 

Coffee cup drinking style

Short attention spans 

Red Pen Logic series 

Seeker friendly churches

Bowling 

Parody in today’s world 

Karaoke at old folks home 

Brave Ollie Possum 

Veggie tales 

Problem with slogans 

Hallmark Christmas movie

What makes a Christmas movie?

Tragedy of Kevin McCalister 

Scrooged 

Goonies 

Seeing movies as an adult 

Star Wars

Ranking Christmas holidays

Kwanzaa 

Dewey Decimal system day

International Ninja day

Celebrating Santa 

The Book Pile podcast

Just Listen To Yourself Podcast 

A Very Merry Podcast

Stand to Reason Podcast

Subscriber Portion   

Christmas for Latter Day Saints

Defending the virgin birth

Faith above reason 

The Red Sea 

Best and worst Christmas gifts

Conservative news outlets 

Trump’s news network 

The War on Christmas 

The Nativity movie 

It’s a Wonderful Life

Ugly Christmas sweaters

Dec 24, 2020
The Justin Dyer Interview: Narnian Natural Law
01:04:01

This is the Babylon Bee Interview Show.

In this episode of The Babylon Bee Podcast, Kyle and Ethan talk to professor of political science Justin Dyer, author of C. S. Lewis on Politics and the Natural Law and director of the Kinder Institute on Constitutional Democracy.  Topics range from C.S. Lewis’ view on natural law, being a classical liberal, and how C.S. Lewis wanted all kids off his lawn. 

Be sure to check out The Babylon Bee YouTube Channel for more podcasts, podcast shorts, animation, and more.

To watch or listen to the full podcast, become a subscriber at https://babylonbee.com/plans 

Topics Discussed

  • How Dyer became interested in CS Lewis
  • Would CS Lewis vote for Trump
  • How Lewis pulls theology, philosophy, and politics all into his writing
  • What is natural law?
  • C.S. Lewis influences
  • C.S. Lewis being a classical liberal 
  • Social Dilemma
  • Abolition of man and the modern times
  • Left and right attacking natural law in Lewis’ time
  • C.S. Lewis would be a libretraian 
  • Lewis wanted to be treated like a dinosaur 
  • Abolition of man waterfall 
  • C.S. Lewis criticism of english language textbooks
  • Objective standards to beauty and art
  • Oxytocin for humor 

Subscriber portion 

  • Lewis answering every letter written to him
  • Lewis hated his modern technology
  • Lewis didn’t like change
  • Lewis wouldn’t be a fan of twitter
  • CS Lewis and Sexuality
  • Cs Lewis view on marriage made Tolkien uncomfortable
  • How one writer believes Lewis is going to Hell
  • Lewis’ view of tradition 
  • 10 Questions 
  • Great embarrassing story
Dec 22, 2020
The Chesterton Prophecies And The Eccentric Elon Musk News Show 12.18.2020
01:00:30

This is the Babylon Bee Weekly News Podcast for the week of 12/18/2020.

In this episode of The Babylon Bee Podcast, Kyle and Ethan talk about the week’s biggest stories like Elon Musk noticing our fine journalism, Dr. Jill Biden expertly saving a life with just a podium and a microphone, Disney announcing 7,562 new Star Wars shows. They also discuss how prolific and prophetic G.K. Chesterton was writing over a century ago. There’s stuff that’s good, weird news, glorious hate mail, and unintentional rambunctious reindeer.

Be sure to check out The Babylon Bee YouTube Channel for more podcasts, podcast shorts, animation, and more.

To watch or listen to the full podcast, become a subscriber at https://babylonbee.com/plans

Introduction

Kyle is getting old and the guys discuss whether walking on one’s back is a remedy. On the plus side, Kyle read all of Abigail Shrier’s book Irreversible Damage. Kyle and Ethan remember Ebaumsworld and Newgrounds and how his Mission To The Moon music video is getting some attention recently.

Stuff That’s Good

Kyle likes the board game Sonar.

Ethan likes Scythian album Roots and Stones.

Weird News

Porch pirate steals bait box filled with cat poop

Precious painting lost at German airport found at dumpster

Woman receives birthday card mailed by her late mother in 2015

Man buys 160 tickets for one lottery drawing, wins 160 times

Marvel's Star-Lord is apparently now a polyamorous bisexual

Google sends 7-year-old warning that his parents are monitoring his account and WAY too many people are okay with that.

Genius! These codebreakers just cracked the Zodiac Killer's infamous 340 cipher, 51 YEARS after it was first published.

Teacher assistant mortified after missing rude detail on Christmas cardigan 

Sentence spelled out by balloons breaks Guinness record

Stories of the Week

Story 1 - Man Chokes In Restaurant, Dr. Jill Biden Springs Into Action To Deliver Educational Lecture

Summary:  As Dr. Jill Biden and her husband went out to eat over the weekend, a man began choking on his Denver omelet. But lucky for him, Dr. Jill Biden was there, and she is a doctor.

"We need a doctor here!" cried a waiter. "Is there a doctor in the house?"
Dr. Jill Biden sprang into action. "I'm a doctor!" she said, rushing over. "I'm going to need a podium and a microphone, stat!" After a busboy hurried over with the life-saving tools she would need, Dr. Jill Biden thanked him and then began delivering a speech on meeting students' needs at the community college level.

An op-ed in the Wall Street Journal by Joseph Epstein sparked a debate over calling Jill Biden a “doctor” since she is not a medical doctor but has a doctorate in education.

"Madame First Lady — Mrs. Biden — Jill — kiddo," the piece begins. "Any chance you might drop the 'Dr.' before your name? 'Dr. Jill Biden' sounds and feels fraudulent, not to say a touch comic."

Epstein went on to argue that the prestige of doctorates and honorary degrees has been diminished by political correctness and the relaxation of academic standards before urging Biden to "forget the small thrill of being Dr. Jill, and settle for the larger thrill of living for the next four years in the best public housing in the world as First Lady Jill Biden."

Conservative pundits pointed to the episode as an example of what they say is a quickness on the part of the political left to be offended. 

"I'm sorry. Telling a white lady in her late 60s that she should stop calling herself doctor because she is not an actual medical doctor, that is not sexist. It's not," commentator Ben Shapiro

Hillary Clinton tweeted: Her name is Dr. Jill Biden. Get used to it.

Lots of politicos on Twitter were changing their bio and hilarity ensued.

Story 2 - The Babylon Bee Presents An Exclusive Inside Look At 15 Upcoming Star Wars Shows

Summary: Disney announced about 7,562 new Star Wars shows yesterday. But that's just the tip of the iceberg, as more shows are soon to follow. We at The Babylon Bee have a Star Wars insider (we're not saying it's Gina Carano, but we're not not saying it). We asked her -- or him, or them -- what shows have yet to be announced, and they were able to tease these upcoming shows. They sound amazing!

Story 3 - Immediately After Moving To Texas, Elon Musk Announces Tesla AR-15

Summary: After years of fighting lame California politicians who want to lock everyone in their homes so they can't go to space or build cool stuff, Tesla CEO Elon Musk announced he was moving to a land flowing with milk and honey called Texas. Almost immediately after the move, he announced a new product the whole world has been waiting for: the Tesla AR-15.

Elon Musk really is moving to Texas

Elon has a strange obsession with The Babylon Bee

He said we were “savage” on Twitter.

He also weirdly tagged us under an Onion story.

What else could he create?

Topic of the Week: Top Prophetic Chesterton Quotes

G.K. Chesterton was a prolific and seemingly prophetic writer. Kyle and Ethan discuss.

Hate Mail

Ethan delivers a moving rendition of Linda not appreciating our satire when it targets her personal political hero and we discover a new word to describe journalism that makes us think of the bathroom.

Subscriber Portion

Bonus Chesterton Prophecies/Quotes

Mailbag

Caleb R. writes in to tell Ethan he is not alone with his toddler poop struggles.

Bonus Hate Mail

Someone was looking for highbrow content and mental stimulation and was sorely disappointed when he flipped out The Babylon Bee Podcast.

Email your cool stories for subscriber exclusive reading to podcast@babylonbee.com

 

Dec 18, 2020
Mike Lindell Interview: The Jesse Ventura of Pillows
43:40

In this episode of The Babylon Bee Podcast, Kyle and Ethan talk to Mike Lindell. Mike Lindell is the founder and current CEO of My Pillow. Mike Lindell first gained fame for starring in the My Pillow infomercials sporting his trademark mustache, periwinkle blue shirt, and cross necklace. He has gained recent notoriety for becoming one of President Trump’s biggest supporters. Mike shows why he is always the best at parties by sharing stories of his crack addiction, becoming a commercial celebrity, and how the media can’t cancel him. 

 

Be sure to check out The Babylon Bee YouTube Channel for more podcasts, podcast shorts, animation, and more.

 

To watch or listen to the full podcast, become a subscriber at https://babylonbee.com/plans

Don’t forget to check out our store and pick up your Christmas gifts!

  • Subscription deals
  • The Sacred Texts
  • Santa punching heretics shirt

Topics Discussed 

  • What makes the My Pillow Great? 
  • How an inventor’s mind works
  • Becoming an Evangelical speaker
  • World record pillow fight 
  • Bible Verses with My Pillow  
  • Addiction story
  • Getting cut off from a drug dealer
  • Lindell Recovery Network
  • Donald Trump
  • Swords, drugs, Mexico
  • Armed robbery as a card counter 
  • Infomercials
  • Been on tv 3.2 million times
  • Periwinkle Blue shirts
  • Government is sequestering the supplements
  • South Dakota has been doing it right 
  • California’s insanity with Covid 
  • Donald Trump and the election
  • Addiction centers
  • Mask giveaway with a two hour sermon 

Subscriber Portion

  • My Pillow voting machine
  • My Pillow can help with all the corruption in politics
  • Wearing a cross at the crack house and on TV
  • Breaking records on the shopping network 
  • Hears God by staying proactive in Prayer
  • Funding Unplanned 
  • Riding a bulldozer in Unplanned 
  • Being attacked by Jack Dorky
  • 10 Questions
Dec 15, 2020
Santa Hacked, Iron Crotch Kung Fu, and Death By Poodle News Show 12.11.2020
01:14:43

This is the Babylon Bee Weekly News Podcast for the week of 12/11/2020.

In this episode of The Babylon Bee Podcast, Kyle and Ethan are joined by actress Wendy Shapero, who you may know from Dirt, Free Samples, Robot Chicken, or the voice of the mom from our very own Babylon Bee animation. They talk about the week’s biggest stories like how our government is covering up aliens being among us, the vaccine being distributed through pyramid schemes, and how Santa’s Nice List has become compromised through software glitches. They also talk about how Kung Fu masters look to spread the gospel of the iron crotch, read hate mail, and wonder how many trendy food products Wendy will pitch to us before the show ends.

Be sure to check out The Babylon Bee YouTube Channel for more podcasts, podcast shorts, animation, and more.

To watch or listen to the full podcast, become a subscriber at https://babylonbee.com/plans

This episode is brought to you by Faithful Counseling. Babylon Bee listeners get 10% their first month at that link.

Intro

Wendy talks about some of the roles she has played for The Babylon Bee and Robot Chicken. You might recognize her voice as the mom for our family or from the Halloween special. Here is the song she can’t get out of her head right now.

Stuff that’s Good

Kyle likes Almost Heroes

Ethan likes Sugar Taylor sauce and Junebug rub

Wendy Shapero likes walking on hot coals with Tony Robbins and TUSOL which she swears is totally not a pyramid scheme.

Weird News
Aliens in hiding until mankind is ready, says ex-Israeli space head

  • Space aliens have reached an agreement with the US government to stay mum on the experiments they conduct on Earth — as well as their secret base on Mars — until mankind is ready to accept them, the former head of Israel’s space program, 87-year old Haim Eshed, claimed in a new interview.
  • “Trump was on the verge of revealing [aliens existence], but the aliens in the Galactic Federation are saying, ‘Wait, let people calm down first,'” Eshed, who helmed Israel’s space security program from 1981 to 2010, reportedly said. “They don’t want to start mass hysteria. They want to first make us sane and understanding.”
  • He also claims astronauts have already been to Mars… at the Alien’s secret base

California man punches 350-pound bear in face to save beloved dog 'Buddy'

  • This happened in Nevada county, the bear had the dog by the head in its mouth and was dragging it back into the woods 100 ft away so Kaleb Benham ran out and punched the 350 pound bear in the face. 
  • Buddy went into surgery and came out after three hours with some stitches and some staples, but was able to return home for Thanksgiving. Benham and Buddy spent the holiday in bed resting up and healing.
  • Buddy is expected to make a full recovery.

“I’m OK, Just A Bit Tired”: Italian Man Walks 450 Kilometers To Cool Off After Arguing With His Wife

  • A man from Italy walked 280 miles after an argument with his wife

  • He was caught by police and fined for breaking the lockdown. 
  • Wife had to pick him up and drive him back home after paying the fine. 

Mall Santa Rejects Nerf Gun Request, Brings Boy to Tears

Chinese “iron crotch” kung fu masters fight to preserve a painful-looking tradition

  • These guys smash their testicles
  • Its most famous technique involves a steel-plate capped log, 6.5 feet in length and weighing 88 pounds that swings through the air and smashes into a man’s crotch.
  • “When you practise iron crotch kung fu, as long as you push yourself, you will feel great,” said Wang, head of the Juntun Martial Arts Academy.

Man uses sword to slice 68 grapes while standing on balance board to beat world record

Stories of the Week

Story 1 - 138,000 Kids Suddenly Added To Santa's Nice List In Middle Of Night

Summary: Santa Claus's nice list is said to be run on trustworthy software, safe and secure on an unhackable server under his workshop. 

But some are questioning the legitimacy of the nice list after the tally suddenly spiked in the middle of the night, adding over 138,000 kids to the good side of the list.

  • There was a suspicious adjustment of 138,000 votes all for Biden in the middle of the night in Michigan.
  • There are still various Trump lawsuits and the state of Texas lawsuit about the election procedures around the nation. 
  • We will probably get banned from YouTube for talking about it though according to their latest email.

Story 2 - In Order To Appeal To Suburban Christian Women, Vaccine To Be Distributed Through A Pyramid Scheme

Summary: Many people are skeptical of the coming vaccine, some due to political reasons, and others due to religious reasons or the fact that all the numbers in the vaccine's serial number add up to 666 or something.

But there's one group that will definitely be on board with the vaccine now: suburban Christian women.

That's because the vaccine is being rebranded as an empowering wellness product called VacciLife. Women can sign on as an independent VacciLife consultant just by purchasing a $200 starter kit. Then, they're able to become their own boss and control their financial future by selling the vaccine -- and, even more importantly, a great business opportunity -- to their friends and family.

Story 3 - Newsom Issues Double Stay-at-Home Order Where You Have To Stay In A Smaller House Inside Your Original House

Summary: In an attempt to fight another spike in COVID-19 infections in California, Governor Gavin Newsom has issued the first ever double stay-at-home order. With the new order, people aren’t only ordered to stay in their homes no matter what, but also aren’t free to wander around their homes. Instead they have to stay inside smaller houses inside their regular homes. 

It’s suggested that each member of the household stays inside their own tiny house until the pandemic ends, even babies.

  • Once again a policy that favors the rich (they have space in their big houses for small houses)
  • Newsom is trying to ban gathering, outdoor dining, etc. Lots of local county and city law enforcement aren’t listening
  • LA County tried to ban outdoor dining, but lost a court case about it.
  • Newsom is a hypocrite going to French Laundry with no mask and no social distancing
  • LA County Supervisor Sheila Kuehl voted to ban outdoor dining and then went to her favorite restaurant
  • Chef Gruel who owns nation-wide chain of restaurants called  SLAPFISH Seafood basically said the government’s orders aren’t based on any science that outdoor dining is causing the spread of COVID and that banning outdoor dining is causing more people to gather indoors in their homes which we know is causing the spread. He told the government he’s going to stay open. He says, "It's crystal clear... elected officials are owned by corporate America or Silicon Valley, perhaps the entertainment industry— the rules don't apply to them. But they obviously apply to all of us small businesses, and we're getting crushed..."
  • Pete Davidson calling people babies for wanting to end the lockdown and get back to work —- FROM HIS JOB (SNL)
  • The Austin mayor told everyone to stay home while vacationing in Mexico

Topic of the Week: Wikipedia’s List Of Unusual Deaths

Kyle recently became obsessed with this morbid topic.

Hate mail

A woman really takes issue with how we apparently are banning meals that serve more than six.

Subscriber Segment

Subscriber update

Kyle and Dan are launching a Babylon Bee Reads podcast starting with The Lord Of The Rings. Get the book, read the foreword, prologue, and chapter 1 and look for episodes to drop in a few weeks.

Mailbag

We have a Carman sighting  from Bee friendCameron Belt 

MAGABoomer Bonus hate mail - 

A MAGAboomer responded to our newsletter and didn’t like us poking fun at Sydney Powell and sent us the most ALL CAPS, LINK-FILLED, ANIMATED GIF-filled MAGABoomer email we have ever received. And we are absolutely in love with it. 

Subscriber headlines

We do a weekly rundown of the top subscriber-submitted headlines of the week and give shoutouts to the ones that even got published! HUGE shoutout!

Got any cool stories?

Dec 11, 2020
Bridget Phetasy Interview: Wasteland of The Center
01:07:10

In this episode of the Babylon Bee Podcast, Kyle and Ethan talk to Bridget Phetasy. Bridget is a well known writer and podcaster. She has a monthly column on the Spectator website and has two Podcast shows: Dumpster Fire and Walk-Ins Welcome. Bridget gained notoriety for making both liberals and conservatives angry through her writing and now has gained an even greater audience making people angry on Twitter. You may even recognize her voiceover work on the Bee Animation, where she has voiced Samantha and many others.  Kyle and Ethan talk to Bridget about how Kanye West wrote a lyric about her, her struggle with addiction, and how she is stuck in the wasteland of being a centrist in a polarized political world. 

Topics Discussed 

  • Bridget’s origin story
  • Bridget’s dreams being delusional
  • 2020 can be good
  • Tropic Thunder
  • Appearing on Jerry Springer’s show Baggage
  • Stand-up comedy
  • Appearing on Curb Your Enthusiasm
  • Voiceover work 
  • Game of improv for a career
  • Ben Shapiro
  • Bridget’s first appearance on Fox
  • Kanye writing a song about Bridget
  • Risk of talking to the other side
  • The left being afraid of platforming
  • Danger of woke culture
  • Wasteland of the center
  • Gavin Newsom atrocities
  • Gun control
  • Free speech warrior
  • Pro brunch

Subscriber Portion 

  • Introduction of the subscriber lounge
  • The PG rating 
  • Being politically homeless
  • Trump wearing people down
  • The election results
  • Sydney Powell
  • Encouraging man spreading
  • Equal hate from both sides
  • No sacred cows
  • Take the work seriously, don’t take yourself seriously
  • Hypocrisy of capitalism 
  • Wealthy woke white women
  • People in power thinking they are oppressed
  • Fake vote suppression
  • Twitter fact check
  • Built Back Better
  • Alex Jones starting to sound reasonable 
  • Religious talk 
  • Conspiracy theories are hilarious  
  • Trust in Institutions
  • Q Adjacent 
  • Handling Trauma with jokes
  • 10 Questions 
  • Good fight story
  • Best Concerts
Dec 08, 2020
Worst Christmas Songs Ever And It’s Pronounced Heron News Show 12.4.2020
01:16:07

This is the Babylon Bee Weekly News Podcast for the week of 12/4/2020.

In this episode of The Babylon Bee Podcast, Kyle and Ethan talk about the week’s biggest stories like Biden’s all-female communications team reminding us that we should already know what’s wrong in the nation, Biden’s arm falling off in peanut butter jar opening attempt, and a bowl of porridge getting a record-shattering 80 million votes. Kyle and Ethan inform you about the worst Christmas songs ever so that you can avoid them. There’s weird news, glorious hate mail, and Kyle learns how to pronounce the word ‘heron’.

Be sure to check out The Babylon Bee YouTube Channel for more podcasts, podcast shorts, animation, and more.

To watch or listen to the full podcast, become a subscriber at https://babylonbee.com/plans

Introduction

The Babylon Bee wishes our fanbase in Wyoming, MATT TUNSTALL, a happy 40th birthday!

Also, Ethan is having some killer deals at his Axe Bear Store with a way to get a free Axe Cop trade paperback. 

Stuff That’s Good

Kyle likes The Battle of Five Armies Behind the Scenes Video

Ethan likes Axe Cop the Game which is available now on Steam!

Weird News

More than 150 Santas ride jet skis for Guinness record

Mike Tyson eats ear off Roy Jones Jr. cake ahead of exhibition bout

 

George Clooney Has Been Using Flowbee For Years

Anti-gay Hungarian politician József Szájer resigns after being caught attending 25-man orgy in breach of COVID-19 rules

 

Eel bursts out of Flying Heron’s stomach alien style

 

Stories of the Week

Story 1 - Biden All-Female Communications Team Won't Tell Nation What's Wrong, Nation Should Already Know

Summary: Biden's transition team has announced they will be appointing an all-female communications team. According to sources, the team will not tell the nation what's wrong, since the nation should already know.   

 

Story 2 - Biden's Arm Falls Off While Trying To Open A Jar Of Peanut Butter

 

Summary: Staffers have revealed that Biden was the victim of yet another tragic accident after his arm fell completely off as he attempted to open up a jar of peanut butter.

 

Story 3 - In National Survey Of Favorite Foods, Lukewarm Bowl Of Porridge Wins 80 Million Votes

Summary: In a surprise result from a national survey of favorite foods, the winner, with 80 million votes -- blowing away the previous record of 69 million votes -- was a lukewarm bowl of porridge. The soggy bowl of chopped grains has apparently exploded in popularity around the country and is now handily the most beloved food of all.

Topic of the Week: The Worst Christmas Songs of All Time

  • Mary Did You Know?
  • The Christmas Shoes
  • Last Christmas
  • Wonderful Christmastime
  • Little Drummer Boy
  • Baby It’s Cold Outside
  • We Three Kings
  • Anything by Chris Tomlin “Joy to the World”
  • Santa Baby
  • I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus
  • Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer
  • All I Want for Christmas is my Two Front Teeth
  • Feliz Navidad
  • We Wish You a Merry Christmas
  • 12 Days of Christmas
  • Every Hanson Christmas album

Bonus: Christmas songs we like

  • O Holy Night
  • O Come O Come Emmanuel
  • Rob Halford’s III Winter Songs
  • Dio’s God Rest Ye Merry Gentleman
  • Stryper - Winter Wonderland
  • Handel’s Messiah

Hate Mail

A concerned fan believes the Joker has released laughing gas at The Babylon Bee studios and some dude has a thing for sweaty jars of mayonnaise.

Subscriber Portion

Behind the Scenes Update

Subscribers actually get to see the subscriber-exclusive lounge.

Mailbag

Video question from subscriber Allen Boone.

Bonus Hate Mail

This is the most flowerbedded email we have ever received.

Headline Forums

Got Any Cool Stories?

Email your cool stories for subscriber exclusive reading to podcast@babylonbee.com

Dec 04, 2020
Larry The Cable Guy Interview: Can't Cancel Mater
48:34

In this episode of the Babylon Bee Podcast, Kyle and Ethan talk to Dan Whitney better known as Larry The Cable Guy. Dan gained fame from the Blue Collar Comedy Tour while patenting the phrase “Get R Done” in his hilarious stand up act. Dan was able to reach out to the next generation when he voiced the role of Mater in the Pixar film, Cars. Dan talks to Kyle and Ethan about how he snagged the role of Mater, how he’s canceling cancel culture, and the time he had to get Chuck Berry off stage. 

Topics Discussed 

  • Larry The Cable Guy on the View
  • Why Dan chose the name Reagan for his daughter
  • How Dan found the Babylon Bee
  • The Story of Dan snagging the role of Mater
  • Joking with Paul Newman
  • Kicking Chuck Berry off stage
  • How Dan became Larry The Cable Guy
  • Ben Shapiro Tweet 
  • Can’t cancel Larry The Cable Guy
  • Late night talk hosts 
  • Goofiness of Steve Martin
  • The worst audiences of the world
  • Being a comedy superstar
  • Tobacco spitting and Delta Farce 
  • Replacing the Rock and Arnold Schwarzenegger

Subscriber Portion

  • Friendship with Lewis Black
  • Cool stories with Jeff Foxworthy 
  • 10 questions 
  • Another Carmen story
Dec 01, 2020
The Babylon Bee Thanksgiving Special 2020
42:52

This is The Babylon Bee 2020 Thanksgiving Special.

Be sure to check out The Babylon Bee YouTube Channel for more podcasts, podcast shorts, animation, and more.

To watch or listen to the full podcast, become a subscriber at https://babylonbee.com/plans.

Check out the new Babylon Bee book: The Sacred Texts Of The Babylon Bee. It makes a great Christmas gift!

Check out the new Axe Cop video game coming out Thanksgiving 2020! Watch Kyle and Ethan react to their first time playing here!

In this episode of The Babylon Bee Podcast, Kyle and Ethan don’t talk about the week’s top stories. They are joined by the rest of the studio Bee crew, Matthew McDavid, Dan Coats, and Patrick Green, to have a Thanksgiving feast and talk about gratitude, interesting facts about the history of Thanksgiving, and how Kyle sees himself as Tom Bombadil. In the subscriber portion, the dinner guests break into a meeting of the Chestertonians by reading The Philosophy of Gratitude by G.K. Chesterton.

Also mentioned on the podcast: This article is what producer Dan had in mind about the first socialist thanksgiving: The Great Thanksgiving Hoax.

Nov 26, 2020
Kellen Erskine Interview: TikTok, Gambling, and Appendicitis
58:11

In this episode of the Babylon Bee Podcast, Kyle and Ethan talk to Kellen Erskine. Kellen Erskine is a professional stand-up comedian and a current writer on the upcoming Tuttle Twins Television series. Kellen is a repeat guest that provided one of the more hilarious interviews and somehow makes this one even better.  Kellen talks about the reason he despises Tik Tok, his first time gambling, and how his wife made his Appendicitis worse. 

Be sure to check out The Babylon Bee YouTube Channel for more podcasts, podcast shorts, animation, and more.

To watch or listen to the full podcast, become a subscriber at https://babylonbee.com/plans.

Topics Discussed

  • Passive-aggressive Leaf Blowers
  • Virtual Comedy shows 
  • Why Kellen had to pay for someone to break into his house
  • The delicacy of Stand up Comedy
  • Selfishness of Christmas songs
  • Writing on the Tuttle Twins
  • Performing at a Masonic Temple
  • The torture of the Berenstain Bears Books
  • Brave Ollie Possum 
  • Gambling in Atlantic City
  • Kellen’s wife making his appendicitis worse
  • Why Kellen despises TikTok

Subscriber Portion 

  •  More on FreeMasons
  • Dry Bar Comedy
  • Howie Mandel Story
  • Lunacy of Highschool Mascots
  • 10 Questions
  • Good fight story
Nov 24, 2020
Bee Animation Takes Off, Baby Yoda Is Pro-Choice, Drones Get Woke News Show 11.20.2020
01:10:21

This is the Babylon Bee Weekly News Podcast for the week of 11/20/2020.

In this episode of The Babylon Bee Podcast, Kyle and Ethan talk about the week’s biggest stories like Disney cleaning up that shocking Mandalorian scene where Baby Yoda ate an unfertilized egg, Biden slapping some BLM stickers on attack drones, and Target making marketing decision based on single tweets. Get a behind the scenes look at The Babylon Bee’s sweet new animation studio taking flight and listen to Kyle and Ethan talk about weird real news, stuff that’s good, and glorious hate mail.

Be sure to check out The Babylon Bee YouTube Channel for more podcasts, podcast shorts, animation, and more.

To watch or listen to the full podcast, become a subscriber at https://babylonbee.com/plans

This episode is brought to you by Faithful Counseling. Bee listeners get 10% off at that link!

Introduction

Kyle went to Texas and experienced Buc-ee’s, guns, and freedom.

Stuff That’s Good

Kyle likes Economics in One Lesson by Henry Hazlitt.

Ethan likes the Roald Dahl Audio collection.

Weird News

Sri Lankan Lawmaker bites raw fish to bolster slumping sales 

  • After a coronavirus outbreak was traced back to the Central Fish maker in Colombo, the country’s commercial capital, the fishing industry took a hit. 
  • "I am making an appeal to the people of this country to eat this fish. Don't be afraid. The coronavirus will not infect you," the lawmaker said, before taking a bite out of a raw fish

Japanese Town Deploys Growling Robot ‘Wolves’ to protect residents from Bears

  • With bear sightings at a five year high, and dozens attacks reported in Japan alone, city officials in the town of Takikawa on the island of Hokkaido 
  • Looking like a cross between Wolverine and the Terminator, each cyborg Canis lupus comes equipped with flashing red eyes, a blinking tail, and a repertoire of loud, threatening sounds—growls, roars, and heavy machinery noise—all triggered by motion detectors.

School asks parents to stop throwing late students over closed gate

  • The Trillade school in Avignon put up signs outside its gate showing a cartoon of a parent sending a small child airborne to get over the fence. The text on the sign asks parents not to throw their children 

Botched carving restoration on Spanish building ridiculed online 

  • A carved figure in the facade of a Spanish building is going viral on social media after an apparent botched restoration left the figure's face unrecognizable.
  • The result of the restoration has drawn comparisons to the botched "Monkey Christ" fresco restoration in the town of Borja, as well as comparisons to the faces of a Tusken Raider from Star Wars and U.S. President Donald Trump.

Video shows unauthorized man with flamethrower atop NYC bus

  • A rapper who said he was making a tribute to a legendary New York City hip-hop group was recorded shooting a flamethrower from the top of an occupied city bus in an unsanctioned stunt a transit agency spokesman called “absurd, dangerous and just plain stupid.
  • Dupree, who also refers to himself as the Flame G.O.D, posted drone footage of the effort. In an earlier Instagram post, he invited people to the area for ice cream, T-shirts and champagne

Egg fight at Tesco after woman was shushed for two minute silence 

  • A woman was told to shush while other customers observed the silence in of fallen servicemen and women. However, she took umbrage at this. 
  • A witness heard someone shout “you’ve disrespected my mother” 

7th Grade Language Art teach “living in the forest”  and doesn’t have adequate internet to host. 

Stories of the Week

 Disney Edits Controversial Mandalorian Scene So Baby Yoda Just Eats An Unborn Baby

Summary: Disney has edited its controversial scene from The Mandalorian, where The Child eats an unfertilized alien egg, so that the creature affectionately known as "Baby Yoda" will simply eat an unborn human baby instead.

  • Libs were mad that Baby Yoda ate an unfertilized alien egg.
  • May we also add that the alien egg, along with Baby Yoda, and along with the entire plot and cast of Mandalorian, is FICTIONAL
  • Buuuut abortion? Not so much.
  • Gina Carano loves us 

Progress: Biden Administration To Apply 'Black Lives Matter' Decals To All Attack Drones

Summary: Now this is progress: in a move to bring attention to issues of social justice in the United States, the Biden administration has announced that all attack drones used to bomb countries in the Middle East will have "Black Lives Matter" decals applied to them. Inspiring!

  • We’re not sure why everyone is acting like the Biden administration will be love, tolerance and rainbows. The Obama administration dropped over 26,000 bombs in 2016 alone. That’s 72 bombs a day.

Target Immediately Pulls Bible From Shelves After Church Of Satan Complains

Summary: After the Church of Satan complained on Twitter that Target was selling Bibles, the retailer quickly apologized and pulled the Bible from its shelves. The Church of Satan complained that the book was "Satanophobic." Its tweet got 666 retweets, and Target jumped into action, immediately responding to the tweet that the book was pulled from shelves.

  • We jest. But ACTUALLY: Target DID pull Abigail Shrier’s book after one person complained.
  • UPDATE: Target backpedaled again because a different trans person complained about censorship
  • We later found out 40,000 Gamers DID sign a petition to remove the Bible from Target after the retailer decided to ban Grand Theft Auto V from their stores. Target said “we don’t sell the Bible.”

Topic of the Week: Bee Animation

Hate Mail

We got an email from someone who normally likes our stuff.

Subscriber Portion

Subscriber exclusive updates from The Babylon Bee

Mailbag

Gavin asks Kyle and Ethan about changes to old hymns.

Bonus Hate Mail!

Patrick or “laugh track” as he is affectionately called  reads hate mail about his laugh.

Subscriber Headlines of the Week

Ethan’s “friend” has a really funny story.

Nov 20, 2020
Alisa Childers: The Dangers of Progressive Christianity
45:19

This is the Babylon Bee Interview show. 

In this episode of the Babylon Bee Podcast, Kyle and Ethan talk to Alisa Childers. Alisa Childers first gained fame by being in the Christian Pop band, ZOEgirl. Alisa has since moved on from music into becoming a Christian Apologist with her own podcast and her debut book, Another Gospel?, available wherever you find books. Alisa’s apologist story began when she discovered her Pastor was a self proclaimed “Hopeful Agnostic” thus leading her on a journey of discovering historic Christianity and the true meaning of rap core. Ethan and Kyle receive all the CCM back stories including that of the mysterious Carman. 

Be sure to check out The Babylon Bee YouTube Channel for more podcasts, podcast shorts, animation, and more.

To watch or listen to the full podcast, become a subscriber at https://babylonbee.com/plans.

Topics Discussed

  • Alisa’s logo design explanation
  • What is Historic Christianity? 
  • Origin of ZOEgirl 
  • Alisa’s Crisis of Faith
  • Hopeful Agnostic Pastor
  • Journey towards becoming an Apologist
  • Defining Progressive Christianity
  • Ways Progressive Christianity is infiltrating the Evangelical Church

Subscriber Portion 

  • Cool Stories
  • Newsboys food habits
  • Ending up on Aerosmith's bus
  • Altar call with Journey
  • ZOEgirl name Origin
  • Rapcore
  • 10 Questions
  • G.K. Chesterton 
  • Babylon Bee Altar Call
  •  
Nov 17, 2020
The Left Makes Enemies List/Pandemic Is Over/The Sacred Texts News Show 11.13.2020
01:08:13

This is the Babylon Bee Weekly News Podcast for the week of 11/13/2020.

In this episode of The Babylon Bee Podcast, Kyle and Ethan talk about the week’s biggest stories like the pandemic being officially over now that Biden is President-elect,  Biden’s secret list of cabinet picks getting leaked by The Babylon Bee, and the party against fascism, the Democrats, are creating a giant list of enemies because that always ends well. Also, The Bee’s big ‘covfefe’ table book The Sacred Texts of The Babylon Bee Volume 1 is finally hitting the streets and we have weird news and glorious hate mail!

Be sure to check out The Babylon Bee YouTube Channel for more podcasts, podcast shorts, animation, and more.

To watch or listen to the full podcast, become a subscriber at https://babylonbee.com/plans

Introduction

Kyle and Ethan talk about why Kyle looked like a hobo last week, vacuum haircut devices as seen on Wayne’s World, the brand new The Sacred Texts Of The Babylon Bee Volume 1 available now and whether or not to accept the election results.

Stuff That’s Good

Kyle likes Dungeons & Dragons

Ethan likes Bear in the Back Seat by Kim Delozier and Carolyn Jourdan.

Weird News

“Bigot” has been given a new dictionary definition (NTB)

  • Oxford English Dictionary’s definition of ‘bigot’ now reads: "A person who is obstinately or unreasonably attached to a belief, opinion, or faction, especially one who is prejudiced against or antagonistic toward a person or people on the basis of their membership of a particular group."
  • It no longer reads: “A person who is intolerant toward those holding different opinions.”

Woman arrested for pretending to be FBI agent and demanding free Chick-fil-A. She even talked into her shirt like she was calling backup. (NTB)

  • Authorities said Ragsdale kept up the ruse even as she was being arrested Thursday, at one point pretending to talk into a radio supposedly hidden under her shirt and urging the FBI to send someone to her aid, according to The Polk County Standard Journal, citing police. She also claimed her credentials were electronic-only when officers asked to see identification.
  • Can FBI agents demand chick-fil-a?

Russian scientists discover huge walrus haulout in Arctic circle

  • What the heck is a haulout - is it pronounced “haloot!” which is another word for Walrus dance party
  • There were 3,000 walruses found in Russia
  • The animals are believed to be going further and further south as scientists believe their habitats are warming and melting due to climate change
  • Is John Bolton among them? How is he doing?

"Hey, Siri … How old is the president?" Her answer might shock (and infuriate) you (NTB)

  • For some period of time, Siri would tell you how old Kamala Harris is… not Donald Trump or even presumptive President-elect Joe Biden
  • Kyle tried it and it worked

100 Year Old Disc Golf Player Breaks Guinness Record With Long Throw 

  • At age 90 set a World Record when he lobbed a disc at a distance of 189 feet
  • At age 100 threw a disc 189 feet for the over 100 age bracket
  • Shinn said he is proud of his world record, but he feels like he can beat it again 

Indian man builds 9-foot-long marker pen for Guinness\\\\\\\ record

  • This one is just to piss Kyle off.

Parrot returns to British  Owner speaking Spanish - four years after disappearing 

  • Nigel, a grey African Parrot, flew away from his home in California in 2010, but was returned to his British owner, Darren Chick, after he was discovered in Torrance, California. 
  • The bird’s British accent is gone, replace by fluent Spanish and someone called “Larry”

King of West African Tribe returns to gardening job in Canada

  • Eric Manu became royalty when his 67 year old uncle, Dat, passed away last year
  • He moved back to British Columbia, he has returned to landscaping and gardening in the town in a bid to raise cash for his 6,000 strong tribe
  • Manu hopes to improve healthcare with all the money he raises 

Stories of the Week

Story 1

Pandemic Officially Over

Summary: After almost a year of suffering under a devastating killer pandemic, America was relieved to learn that the pandemic is officially over after they saw huge crowds of people smashed together celebrating Biden’s apparent electoral win.

  • You still can’t go to church or go to a funeral, but hey!
  • People were celebrating in the streets in mass crowds when major news like the AP and others declared Joe Biden the President-elect on Saturday 11/7.
  • Scientists predict if Trump manages to flip the results COVID will return with a vengeance

Story 2
We at The Babylon Bee have acquired a top-secret list of Biden’s cabinet picks. Here they are.

Story 3

The political party vocally opposed to fascism, the Democrats, have begun creating lists of undesirables

  • AOC’s tweet
  • The Trump Accountability Project 
  • “Remember what they did,” the group’s sparse website declares. “We should not allow the following groups of people to profit from their experience: Those who elected him. Those who staffed his government. Those who funded him.”

Topic of the Week

The Sacred Texts of The Babylon Bee

  • Retrospective on the life of The Bee
  • Pull our favorite articles from the book
  • Read through some of the new infographics

Hate Mail

This guy really hates Jonah Goldberg.

Subscriber Portion

 

  • Behind the Scenes Update

 

  • Mailbag From 13yo Kaitlyn and Jana asks about our podcast diet.

 

  • Bonus Hate Mail

 

    • Cancel your own subscription!
  • Headline Forum - Subscriber Headlines of the Week

 

  • Got Any Cool Stories? / Calvin Update

 

 




Nov 13, 2020
Austin Petersen: Secular Pro-Life Dude Bro Interview
56:26

 

This is the Babylon Bee Interview show. 

 

In this episode of the Babylon Bee Podcast, Kyle and Ethan talk to Austin Petersen. Austin Petersen ran for President in the 2016 election with the  Libertarian Party and is the founder and chief editor for The Libertarian Republic Website. He is described as a secular dude bro that is Pro life and finds more in common with many Christian Conservatives than those in his own party. Kyle and Ethan test Austin on his Libertarian views, especially in terms of Trump policies, Ferret ownership, and how often he prays to the Libertarian father, Ron Paul.

Be sure to check out The Babylon Bee YouTube Channel for more podcasts, podcast shorts, animation, and more.

To watch or listen to the full podcast, become a subscriber at https://babylonbee.com/plans.

This episode is brought to you by Faithful Counseling. Get 10% off your first month.

Topics Discussed   

  • Election Day
  • How many times does Austin show reverence toward Ron Paul? 
  • Why Petersen voted for Trump
  • Major difference between Dems and Republicans
  • Conservatism is about losing slowly
  • The Two kinds of libertarians 
  • Libertarian view on Ferret ownership
  • Are Libertarians Eating babies?
  • Secular argument toward Pro life
  • Creation of incubation chambers
  • Secular journey for Petersen 
  • Why Petersen prefers Christian Conservative to Atheists Communists
  • Not speaking up is much worse
  • Libertarian Government future is not good
  • Senator Mike Lee 
  • Libertarians take on a social justice warrior perspective

Subscriber Portion

  • Problem with Petersen’s Wiki page
  • Living in a dumpster behind a quick drip
  • Being a dude bro
  • Most Garbage Libertarian website
  • Why Petersen can’t fit in to any political party
  • 10 questions
  • Good Kick fight story
Nov 10, 2020
The Babylon Bee Election Special News Show 11.6.2020
01:06:38

This is The Babylon Bee News Podcast for the week of 11/6/2020.

In this Election 2020 special, your hosts Kyle Mann and Ethan Nicolle do a recap of all of our Election 2020 coverage which turned out to be fake news you could trust after all. They fondly remember all the absurd moments of the primaries and general election and try to bring some sanity to your election week craziness. We make politics way too important as G.K. Chesterton teaches us in this most excellent Election Podcast Special. Also, will you be our RBG?

Be sure to check out The Babylon Bee YouTube Channel for more podcasts, podcast shorts, animation, and more.

To watch or listen to the full podcast, become a subscriber at https://babylonbee.com/plans

This episode is brought to you by Small Group The Movie. 

Introduction

Kyle voted for the first time and is haggard and tired. Ethan wrote a song to bring us all together: Be my RBG.

Stuff That’s Good 

Kyle likes Star Wars Squadrons.

Ethan likes Monster DC Sniper.

Weird news

Costco pulls coconut milk after report on forced monkey labor

  • A PETA investigation accused Thai growers, who supply the coconuts for coconut milk such as the Chaokoh brand, of forcing monkeys to work as coconut pickers. Costco has stopped selling coconut milk derived from those producers, reports USA Today.
  • Seems inefficient. Can’t you just put a big snipper on a stick and get them down?
  • PETA says some of the monkeys are driven insane. 

Off-duty Nevada officer dressed as 'Star Wars' Stormtrooper stops suspected drunken driver

  • An off-duty state trooper wearing a "Star Wars" costume while returning home from a Halloween party prevented a suspected drunken driver from entering a Las Vegas freeway in the wrong direction.

Indian doctor duped into buying ‘Aladdin’s lamp’ for $93,000

  • Police in India’s northern Uttar Pradesh state have arrested two men who allegedly duped a doctor into buying an “Aladdin’s lamp” for $93,000 that they promised would bring wealth and good fortune.
  • Dr Laeek Khan approached police in the northern state of Uttar Pradesh after he realised the lamp did not have any magical powers, as described in the popular folk tale about Aladdin and his wish-granting genie that appears when it is rubbed.

California kayakers end up in mouth of humpback whale

  • Two kayakers escaped uninjured when they briefly ended up in the mouth of a humpback whale that surfaced beneath them.

Seance live streamed from British manor breaks Guinness record

Babylon Bee Election Coverage:

2020 Election Roundup: The Insane Democratic Primary

Trump Vs Biden: The Babylon Bee's Top Articles From The 2020 Election

Topic of the Week

Kyle and Ethan read a portion of Chesterton’s What’s Right with the World

Hate Mail

We get chewed out by a retired Army guy for our coverage of Mitch McConnel’s recent encounter with a plastic six-pack ring. 

Love Mail

We get some crude love mail that we can appreciate.

Subscriber Lounge

Kyle and Ethan talk about politics being made to be more important than it is, discontent, prigs, and oligarchs as they continue reading from G.K. Chesterton. 

Nov 06, 2020
Jonah Goldberg On Why He Has Distaste for Gandhi and Trump: Jonah Goldberg Interview
46:03

This is the Babylon Bee Interview Show. 

 

In this episode of the Babylon bee Podcast, Kyle and Ethan talk to Jonah Goldberg. Jonah Goldberg is  the Asness Chair in Applied Liberty at the American Enterprise Institute and a Fellow at the National Review Institute. In 2019, he left a role as Senior Editor of National Review magazine after a 21-year stint with the publication to start a new venture. He has been a weekly columnist for the Los Angeles Times since 2005 and a nationally syndicated columnist since 2000. He hosts the popular podcast The Remnant with Jonah Goldberg.


His most recent book, Suicide of the West: How the Rebirth of Tribalism, Populism, Nationalism, and Identity Politics Is Destroying American Democracy, was also a New York Times bestseller in 2018.

Nov 03, 2020
California Cancels Thanksgiving, but keeps BLM Protests/ACB Orders Handmaid’s Outfits, and Democrats Propose More Coyotes News Show 10.30.2020
01:09:51

This is The Babylon Bee Weekly News Show for the week of 10/30/2020.

In this Spooky episode of The Babylon Bee Podcast, Kyle and Ethan talk about the Babylon Bee being mentioned at the Senate hearings and the week’s top stories like another amazing Guinness World Record that Kyle gets so excited about, ACB ordering all Nation’s Women to Wear Handmaid’s Outfits, Democrats Proposing to stop Coyotes by distracting them with Decoy Roadrunners, and after Thanksgiving being banned, Californians turning to Turkey Barbecues in Honor of Black Lives Matter. Kyle and Ethan also share their favorite Horror Movies, TV Shows, and Books all in time for you to enjoy them before Halloween. Tune in for more weird news, cool stories, a trip to the mailbag and, of course, glorious hate mail.

Be sure to check out The Babylon Bee YouTube Channel for more podcasts, podcast shorts, animation, and more.

To watch or listen to the full podcast, become a subscriber at https://babylonbee.com/plans.

This episode is brought to you by Small Group The Movie.

Introduction

Kyle and Ethan joke about Jack Dorsey dressing as a homeless man during his remote senate hearings and being referenced at the Senate hearings. 

Stuff That’s Good

Kyle likes Geeks Under Grace

Ethan likes Flor De Selva cigars

Weird News

 

 

  • He began the feat back in 1965, which is when Gum chains were quite popular
  • Gary’s record breaking chain came in at a mind boggling 106,810 ft. 
  • Gary says as someone with no special skills that he has to do a lot of hard work in order to succeed in getting a world record

 

 

  • Lisa Landon used the state’s electronic system to drop the charges and submitted fake documents in three separate criminal cases last year.
  • A forensic examiner who was supposed to perform a competency evaluation on her, noticed the charges were dropped. 
  • Landon also falsified a judge’s decision to waive a filing fee and faked an order in a child custody case involving her child and a family member

 

 

  • According to the passenger named Alicia Beverly, told police she woke up on the plane around 2:45am to find a man urinating on her. 
  • After Beverly yelled ‘He peed on me,’ the Pastor said “I peed on her, I thought I was going to the bathroom”

 

 

  • After dumping the eels in the lake, the man walked away, explaining to bystanders that “I just want to save lives”
  • New York has a long history of people releasing animals. In 1890, Shakespeare enthusiasts released a flock of 60 European starlings(birds) that destroyed crops and snarl jet engines 

 

 

  • Gross was frustrated that he was forced by the city to take down a series of lighting and netting that blocked the neighbors view. 
  • The neighbor told Gross to turn the music down and he responded “Peace on all fronts or we’ll just have nightly concerts big boy”

 

 

  • At a trunk or treat where kids would get candy through their windows, Police reported that a mother called after she found a resealable plastic bag with four blue pills and a white tablet in her child’s bag of candy
  • Recommended to parents to go through their children’s candy piece by piece before they eat any of it 

 

  • Man rides bicycle with no hands playing guitar while in a headless horseman costume
  • Bicyclist says he has started to play the trumpet instead of the guitar on some days
  • He has fallen, he said, but no serious falls as the headless horseman though 

 

Story 1

Newly Sworn-In ACB Immediately Orders All Nation's Women To Wear Handmaid's Outfit

Summary:WASHINGTON, D.C.—After being sworn in as a Supreme Court justice, Amy Coney Barrett immediately issued a decree that all women are to wear red handmaid's outfits for the rest of their lives.

"Execute papal order 66," she said, her eyes glowing red. "Implement the theocratic state."

  • ACB was confirmed on a party line vote in the Senate 52-48 with only one Republican Susan Collins voting NO.
  • 'No': Graham Shuts Down Democrats' Attempts to Delay ACB Vote
    • Graham says that after what they did to Kavanaugh he is a changed man and didn’t seem to have any tolerance for what they were trying to do.
  • Democrat Harry Reid got rid of the rule requiring a supermajority to end debate over a nominee in 2013 so these narrow votes are able to get through.

Story 2 

 Democrats Propose Stopping Coyotes By Distracting Them With Decoy Roadrunners

Summary: After Trump brought attention to the coyote epidemic at the southern border during the debates, Democrats on Twitter are offering unique solutions to the problem, such as setting up decoy roadrunners to distract the coyotes.

Trump brought up coyotes bringing immigrants over the border. Liberals freaked out on Twitter and it was hilarious.

https://twitter.com/SophNar0747/status/1319524700721192967

USA Today Factcheck: Fact check: Trump did not mean actual 'coyotes' take children across the border

A "coyote," also known as "el coyote" is a term for people who smuggle others across borders in exchange for payment.

Story 3

After Thanksgiving Banned, Californians To Hold Turkey Barbecues In Honor Of Black Lives Matter On November 26

Summary: CALIFORNIA—Gavin Newsom has effectively banned Thanksgiving from California, requiring celebrating households to have only a few people, no bathroom usage, two-hour maximums, and individual plates.

Californians all announced they are complying with the plan and instead of celebrating Thanksgiving will be holding Black Lives Matter turkey barbecues scheduled, coincidentally, for November 26. 

Topic of the Week

Scary Stuff We Like

Ethan: 

Movies: 

Exorcism of Emily Rose 

Evil Dead 2 and Army of Darkness

Bad Taste, Dead Alive (Braindead)

The Babadook

Troll 2

Birdemic

the Thing (Kurt Russell)

Get Out

Shaun of the Dead

Gremlins

Spielberg’s War of the Worlds

The Monster Squad

Riki Oh

Dead Heat

Books: 

Brave Ollie Possum!

Babylon Bee Writers recommend the Cat which has a kung fu fight between a cat and dog

Kyle:

Movies: 

  • New Blumhouse series - The Lie, Black Box, Nocturne, Evil Eye.
  • It Follows
  • The Witch
  • Misery
  • The Shining
  • Cabin in the Woods
  • Happy Death Day
  • Alien
  • Get Out
  • The Invisible Man
  • A Quiet Place
  • 2017’s It
  • Zombieland
  • Color Out of Space
  • 1922
  • Doctor Sleep
  • Black Sheep 

Books:

  • The Shining
  • Pet Sematary
  • Misery
  • Salem’s Lot
  • Frankenstein
  • Something Wicked This Way Comes
  • Carrie
  • Lovecraft: At the Mountains of Madness, The Festival, The Rats in the Walls, The Shadow over Innsmouth, Colour out of Space

 

Hate Mail

 

Check out some of the best Hate Tweets that are doing their best at hurting Kyle and Ethan’s feelings. 

 

Subscriber Lounge

 

  • Behind the Scenes Update of the Studio being installed
  • Updates on the Babylon Bee Book being sent out
  • Kyle and Ethan read from the mailbag about their experiences with Christian Worship music
  • Bonus hate mail from a reader that discourages Lebron wearing Lace to Basketball games
  • Exclusive cool Ethan and Kyle stories 
  • Email your cool stories for subscriber exclusive reading to podcast@babylonbee.com

 

 

Oct 30, 2020
Doug Wilson Talks Worshipers Being Arrested/Sex Robots/Postmillennialism
38:37

This is The Babylon Bee Interview Show.

In this episode of The Babylon Bee Podcast, Kyle and Ethan talk to Doug Wilson. Doug is a pastor, author of over 90 books, most recently of Ride, Sally, Ride, and the host of Man Rampant. His church got in the news recently for a non-socially distanced, unmasked Psalm Sing in Moscow, Idaho that landed several members of their church in jail. They talk about what happened at the Psalm Sing, churches disengaging with the culture and politics, and why a Christian would write a book about sex robots.

Be sure to check out The Babylon Bee YouTube Channel for more podcasts, podcast shorts, animation, and more.

To watch or listen to the full podcast, become a subscriber at https://babylonbee.com/plans.

This episode is brought to you by Faithful Counseling. Get 10% off your first month.

Topics Discussed: 

  • The Moscow Psalm Sing
  • The Doug Wilson Cult and complex in Moscow
  • The Fight, Laugh, Feast network
  • Churches being politically active and engaging the culture or not
  • Churches meeting or not because of COVID-19
  • Partisan politics- is it a sin to vote for Joe Biden?
  • Dead people voting
  • Controversy surrounding Doug Wilson
  • Slavery, William Wilberforce
  • Revolution vs. Reformation as means of change, applying this to abortion
  • Postmillennialism in the year 2020
  • Mark of the Beast going on facemasks
  • Writing books about sex robots like Ride, Sally, Ride
  • Appropriateness of lewd, shocking things in Christian art

 

 

Subscriber Portion

  • What the heck is Federal Vision?
  • Doug Wilson’s respectful relationship and debate with atheist Christopher Hitchens
  • The Ten Questions
  • Doug tells an awesome fistfight story
  • Kyle and Ethan de-convert Doug Wilson
  • Kyle and Ethan Post-Show
Oct 27, 2020
Trump Tweets The Bee/Jordan Peterson Returns/Facebook Kills Comedy News Show 10.23.2020
01:08:58

This is The Babylon Bee Weekly News Show for the week of 10/23/2020.

In this episode of The Babylon Bee Podcast, Kyle and Ethan talk about the week’s top stories like President Trump tweeting out a Babylon Bee story, Jordan Peterson returning with the 12 Rules For Life on stone tablets, and how Facebook is murdering comedy. The Babylon Bee also has some updated and more realistic travel posters to America’s big cities. Tune in for more weird news, cool stories, a trip to the mailbag and, of course, glorious hate mail.

Be sure to check out The Babylon Bee YouTube Channel for more podcasts, podcast shorts, animation, and more.

To watch or listen to the full podcast, become a subscriber at https://babylonbee.com/plans.

This episode is brought to you by Small Group The Movie.

Introduction

Kyle and Ethan joke about our recent spat with Mark Zuckerberg and dive into the weekly news.

Stuff That’s Good

Kyle likes the 2018 video game Celeste

Ethan likes I survived...

Weird News

Space Station air leak repaired with help from floating tea leaves

  • There was a slow air leak in a transfer chamber on the space station that suddenly got worse
  • Astronauts broke open a tea bag to watch the leaves float toward where the leak was so they could use tape to seal it.

'Breathable Bacon' face mask gives wearers the aroma of bacon

  •  A U.S. company is offering fans of breakfast meats the chance to enjoy the scent of sizzling pork anytime they want with a bacon-scented face mask.
  • Hormel said the Black Label Breathable Bacon mask uses the "the latest in bacon-smell technology" to give the wearer the experience of smelling bacon anytime they don the protection accessory.
  • Do they make a soy version?

Naked teen taken into custody after damaging business, covering himself in ranch dressing and crashing car. 

  • Sheriffs responded to a call at 3:30am and found a naked 17 year old man who was under the influence of a substance 
  • The man had covered himself in ranch dressing and damaged property inside the business
  • He ran outside and drove off. Didn’t get far and crashed into a pillar. 
  • He must do penance by covering himself in CFA sauce

Tennessee teenager's homemade fusion reactor lands Guinness record

  • the world's youngest person to achieve nuclear fusion after officials verified that he built his own nuclear fusion reactor at his family's home and successfully used it in his final hours of being 12 years old.
  • Tony Stark?

Blindfolded man smashes 50 coconuts around another man's body

  •  An Indian martial artist showed off his strength and precision when he donned a blindfold and smashed 50 coconuts that were arranged around the body of another man.
  • They were given a Guinness World Record
  • The men, Rakesh B and Prabhakar Reddy P, were awarded the Guinness record for most coconuts smashed around a person blindfolded in 1 minute.
  • Kyle would like to protest these absolutely ridiculous records
  • What’s next? Most toothpicks covered in Crisco fit into a microwave?

Story 1

Check Out These Eight Beautiful Travel Posters For America's Democrat-Controlled Cities

Summary: U.S.—With people leaving Democrat cities in droves, mayors and city councils are hoping to fill them back up again -- with tourists! 

Maybe it's time to give these cities a second chance. Check out these beautiful tourism posters from Democrat-controlled cities around the country! 

  • Read the posters and the punchline, keep it tight, video version will display the posters

Story 2

Trump Shares Babylon Bee Article, Thousands Accept Jesus Into Their Hearts

Summary: WASHINGTON, D.C.—Thousands around the world are forsaking their sins and receiving Christ this week after Trump shared an article from The Babylon Bee.

The Babylon Bee is widely known as the most Christian website ever created. In fact, it is so insanely Christian that a single share on social media has the power to instantly save hundreds of souls. According to sources, Trump was ignorant of this fact before sharing the article.

 

 

  • The knowingly fake story came from Babylon Bee, a satire site with a conservative bent, and claimed, in jest, that Twitter was shutting down its platform to prevent the spread of negative news about Democratic nominee Joe Biden.
  • "Wow, this has never been done in history. This includes his really bad interview last night. Why is Twitter doing this," Trump tweeted.
  • Also mentioned: Video of Trump being normal guy at church in Las Vegas.

Story 3

Jordan Peterson Returns To Find Americans Worshiping Golden Statue Of Karl Marx, Breaks 12 Rules For Life In Anger

Summary: After a year-long excursion into the belly of the beast, Dr. Jordan Peterson emerged this week and was dismayed to find millions of Americans worshipping at the altar of a golden Karl Marx statue. Overtaken with righteous anger, he smashed his stone tablets containing 12 Rules for Life into tiny pieces. 

  • Jordan Peterson seems to be back posting to his YouTube channel a video entitled Return Home.
  • He had been out of the public eye for a very long time with a severe reaction he had to a anti-anxiety medication he had been taking as prescribed but became chemically dependent upon when he tried to cease taking it
  • He ended his video by saying, “"With God's grace and mercy, I'll be able to start generating original material once again and pick up where I left off."
  • We are interviewing Mikhaila soon so stay tuned for that!

Topic of the Week: Facebookgate and the challenges of writing comedy for the internet

  • Facebook took down  this facebook post Senator Hirono Demands ACB Be Weighed Against A Duck To See If She Is A Witch
  • 'It's literally a regurgitated joke from a Monty Python movie!" the Bee's CEO exclaimed.
  • Facebook completely deactivated any monetizing tools for us on their site.
  • Kyle’s tweet thread about this.
  • What makes writing comedy for the internet difficult? How the articles are seen, shared, received, etc.
  • It’s like a comedy show where you can’t talk to the audience directly. Instead, you must tell your jokes to Mark Zuckerberg. Then, he edits your joke and walks out to your audience and tells them the ones he finds appropriate. You’re never sure if a “bomb” is your fault or Mark’s.
  • Check out Kyle’s op-ed in Thursday’s edition of the WSJ
  • Kyle mentioned this Vulture article on how Facebook is killing comedy
  • Funny or Die was thriving, then Facebook came along. They fired a bunch of their writers ‘cause it was impossible to write for Facebook’s algorithm. Every post throttled, etc.

Hate Mail

We get some very fiery Scottish rendition of this week’s hate mail.

Subscriber Lounge

  • A more structured Subscriber Portion!
  • Book updates and office updates 
  • Mailbag
  • Mega Bonus Hate Mail
  • Headline Forum
  • Exclusive cool Ethan and Kyle stories
  • Email your cool stories for subscriber exclusive reading to podcast@babylonbee.com
Oct 23, 2020
The Tolkien And Lewis Bromance: The Diana Glyer Interview
37:19

Be sure to check out The Babylon Bee YouTube Channel for more podcasts, podcast shorts, animation, and more.

This is the Babylon Bee Interview Show.

In this episode of The Babylon Bee Podcast, Kyle and Ethan talk to Diana Glyer, author of Bandersnatch: C.S. Lewis, J.R.R. Tolkien, and the Creative Collaboration of the Inklings.. She has spent 40 years combing through archives, studying old manuscripts, and is considered a leading expert on C.S. Lewis and J.R.R. Tolkien. Her scholarship, her teaching, and her work as an artist all circle back to one common theme: creativity thrives in community. Kyle and Ethan talk to Dr. Glyer about Tolkien, Lewis, and the creativity that can happen in a community like The Inklings.

To watch or listen to the full podcast, become a subscriber at https://babylonbee.com/plans 

Topics Discussed

  • Who were The Inklings?
  • How does Creativity thrive in community?
  • Tom Bombadil and the quiet “homely home” portions of LOTR
  • Peter Jackson’s Lord Of The Rings trilogy
  • “There are no dentists in Mordor”
  • Tolkien caused C.S. Lewis to throw Narnia in the trash at one point
  •  Differences between C.S. Lewis and Tolkien
  • The Chronicles Of Narnia
  • C.S. Lewis’ journey to faith and Tolkien’s consistent prayer for his friend
  • G.K. Chesterton’s The Everlasting Man  influencing Lewis
  • What was going on in the third book of Lewis’ Space Trilogy?
  • Humans being sub-creators, Mythopoeia
  • How much pipe weed did the Inklings go through?
  • What is a Bandersnatch?
  • Artists need brutally honest criticism to be better
  • Diana likes our Decaf Condemned As Heresy mugs and Mt. Writemore mugs in our store

 

 

Subscriber Portion 

  • Which of these modern writers make it into The Inklings or have been promptly kicked out?
  • The Chronicles of Narnia movies
  • How well did Christopher Tolkien manage to expand his father’s work?
  • Amazon’s Lord of the Rings series gets the Game of Thrones treatment
  • The Hobbit movies
  • Drama and conflicts in The Inklings
  • Dyson is the Yoko of the group
  • The Ten Questions
Oct 20, 2020
Merriam-Webster Gaslighting/Orange Ball Worship/What Voters Deserve News Show 10.16.2020
01:13:12

This is the Babylon Bee Weekly News Podcast for the week of 10/16/2020.

In this episode of The Babylon Bee Podcast, Kyle and Ethan talk about the week’s biggest stories like ACB using a crucifix to defend herself from the Senate, Los Angeles allowing a large religious gathering after the Lakers win, and Biden telling voters they don’t deserve to know if he will enact a glorious communist utopia if elected. Kyle and Ethan also talk about the angry comments on the New York Times piece on The Babylon Bee and how dictionaries now are engaging in gaslighting the populace.

Be sure to check out The Babylon Bee YouTube Channel for more podcasts, podcast shorts, animation, and more.

To watch or listen to the full podcast, become a subscriber at https://babylonbee.com/plans.

Introduction

Welcome to The Babylon Bee where we talk about the news and have an animation playlist on YouTube...

Stuff That’s Good

Kyle likes Stephen King’s On Writing.

Ethan likes Gran Torino.

Weird News

Herd of charging cows in England kill second man in month

 

  • Police are looking for witnesses to help with the investigation in who’s causing the charging cows 

 

 Thai hotel seeks deal with guest facing jail over bad reviews 

 

  • Thailand’s criminal defamation and computer crimes acts, he could be fined up to 100,000 baht ($3,200) as well as facing jail time. 
  • Reviewer said he was mad about a 500 baht ($16) corkage fee

 

Reporter confronts aggressive raccoon outside White House

 

  • The incident was not the first confrontation between the media and racoons at the White House. 
  • Reporter quoted “Frickin’ raccoons, man. God, again! This is the second time! Jesus...It always comes around right around when I’m about to go on TV...get!

 

Ex-jail employees charged for playing ‘Baby Shark’ on repeat

 

  • Jail employees forced inmates to stand handcuffed for hours and listen to “Baby Shark” on repeat

 

Stories of the Week

Story 1 

Democrats Hiss In Terror As ACB Pulls Out Crucifix

Summary:  Amy Coney Barrett has eloquently defended herself through the Senate confirmation hearings this morning. But as Dems grew increasingly vicious, she was forced to turn to desperate measures. After several hours of hearings, Barrett pulled out a large crucifix and held it aloft. A light shone from the heavens, and the Democrats knew they were defeated.

  • ACB took questions beginning Monday from the Senate about her judicial philosophy of originalism and how she would decide on cases related to the Affordable Care Act (Obamacare) and Roe V Wade.
  • "I've made no commitment to anyone, not in this Senate, not over in the White House, about how I would decide any case,” said Judge Amy Coney Barrett “I’m not willing to make a deal, not with this committee, not with the President.”
  • Sen. Mazie Hirono asks ACB "since you became a legal adult, have you ever made unwanted requests for sexual favors or committed any verbal or physical harassment or assault of a sexual nature?"
  • @Erikrosalesnews tweeted: What is so amazing, Judge Amy Coney Barrett is testifying with only a small note pad and a pencil. She is a former law professor who is often correcting Senators on the details of the cases headed to the Supreme Court. She is schooling lawmakers.
  • When she was confirmed as a Federal judge 3 years ago, Sen. Diane Feinstein said, “The dogma lives loudly with you.”
  • The new Dem talking point is to scream loudly about Court Packing which nominating ACB is not. Here’s Dan Rather to illustrate.

Story 2

L.A. Mayor Allows Large Religious Gathering Outside Staples Center

Summary: Los Angeles Mayor Eric Garcetti, having opposed large religious gatherings in his city for the past 7 months, has suddenly reversed course, allowing a large worship service to take place in the streets of the city last night. Despite the ban on religious gatherings, the worshipers came together to honor their god, LeBron James, in a spontaneous outpouring of love and praise. Worshipers in this religion, rather than singing songs or saying prayers, topple cars and throw things at the police.

  • Mayor Garcetti and Governor Gavin Newsom have famously been harassing churches that try to meet in defiance of the social distancing rules like Grace Community Church and John MacArthur
  • They seemingly have no problem with BLM/ANTIFA marches and now everyone massing in the streets to celebrate the Lakers winning the NBA championship
  • Did anyone watch it? There’s no salvaging these awful NBA Finals ratings

Story 3

Biden: 'I Won't Reveal Whether I Plan On Abolishing The Constitution And Establishing A Glorious Communist Utopia Until After I'm Elected'

Summary: Joe Biden was asked yet again today if he plans to abolish the Constitution, overthrow Congress, dismiss the Supreme Court, and set up a Communist regime to take their place. Once again, Biden refused to answer the question, saying voters will find out whether he plans to seize the means of production and institute a one-party rule, U.S.S.R.-style.

"Look, if I tell you whether or not I plan to institute a new Communist order, establishing a glorious worker-led revolution that will lead us out of this capitalistic nightmare and into a paradisical utopia, that would become the headline," Biden said. "That would be playing Trump's game. So I'm not going to say whether I support this great idea."

Topic of the Week: Even the dictionaries are beginning to gaslight people. The dictionary changed a word because of a moment at the ACB SCOTUS hearing to make something she said “offensive.”

 

  • Kyle’s Orwell tweet about the definition being changed in a day to make ‘sexual preference’ defined as ‘offensive

 

Hate Mail

Sit back for these awesome comments to the recent NYT mostly peaceful piece on The Babylon Bee. Their readers were not happy.

Subscriber Portion

Kyle and Ethan talk about peanuts and a terrible yard sign you’ve probably seen around town.

Oct 16, 2020
Greg Koukl Talks Owning Atheist Celebrities/Converting Lady Gaga/20th Century Horrors
01:09:25

Be sure to check out The Babylon Bee YouTube Channel for more podcasts, podcast shorts, animation, and more.

This is the Babylon Bee Interview Show.

In this episode of The Babylon Bee Podcast, Kyle and Ethan welcome back Christian apologist Greg Koukl of Stand To Reason. He is the author of Tactics and The Story of Reality. They analyze celebrity quotes about God and religion, discuss the horrors of the 20th century world wars, and reveal how Greg would convert Lady Gaga in 30 seconds using his tactics. They also get into the concept of “wokeness” and how awful a lot of modern worship songs really are.

 To watch or listen to the full podcast, become a subscriber at https://babylonbee.com/plans.

Topics Discussed

  • The Greg Koukl Vs. Deepak Chopra faceoff
  • Celebrity quotes about God (Woody Allen, Penn Jillette, Ricky Gervais, H.P. Lovecraft, Lady Gaga) 
  • Running the Gauntlet
  • Douglas Axe’s book Undeniable 
  • The Strawman Fallacy
  • Religion causing more war than atheism? 
  • Lenin, Stalin, Mao, and Hitler
  • Indoctrination and reading non-Christian books
  • Illiberal bullying and bludgeoning
  • Christian schools excluding non-Christians
  • ‘Practical suicide’ (Being what you condemn)
  • “LGBTQ Christians”
  • Converting Lady Gaga in 30 seconds using Tactics
  • Critical Race Theory infiltrating the church
  • Intersectionality and social justice
  • Greg’s book Tactics
  • Greg’s book The Story of Reality

Subscriber Portion

  • Stephen Colbert and atheists/agnostics
  • Jordan Peterson’s tactics on this interview
  • On not being good enough or virtuous enough to become a Christian?
  • What the Bible says about “wokeness” 
  • Subscriber-submitted questions
  • Is God’s love reckless? And other thoughts on modern worship songs
  • Miscellaneous heresies
  • The Ten Questions
Oct 13, 2020
Get Dead Soon/Fact Checks/Bee Kid Pitches News Show 10.9.2020
01:21:40

This is the Babylon Bee Weekly News Podcast for the week of 10/9/2020.

Be sure to check out The Babylon Bee YouTube Channel for more podcasts, podcast shorts, animation, and more.

In this episode of The Babylon Bee Podcast, Kyle and Ethan talk about the week’s biggest stories like Democrats hoping Trump “gets dead soon” after coming down with coronavirus, USA Today keeping the internet safe from satire, and Bee kids sending The Babylon Bee their best headline pitches. Kyle and Ethan also talk about murderous witches, Satanic billboards, and fat bears and get a chance to speak with filmmaker Matt Chastain about his new movie Small Group.

Introduction

Kyle hatches a scheme to fly across the country to be with his family and Kyle and Ethan discuss how kids age a parent.

Stuff That’s Good

Kyle likes his son’s  YouTube channel Punk Rock Kid

Ethan likes Brian Regan

Weird News

Kindergarten teacher gets fired for tattooing his eyeballs black 

  • Kindergarten teacher has spent 450 hours under the tattoo gun and still teaches ages 6 and up. Check out the picture!

Stories of the Week

Story 1 

Trump’s Hospital Room Flooded With 'Get Dead Soon' Cards From Democrats

Summary:  It’s been a trying time for the country and President Donald Trump as he has been stuck at Walter Reed Medical Center trying to get better. Keeping Trump company is a flood of cards from Democrats wishing him to “Get dead soon.”

“I hope you die!”, “You deserve this!”, and “I want you to die and go to hell -- Russian hell!” read some of the cards sent by poor-wishers, cards that now decorate the president's room. Such cards have become so popular that Hallmark has added a “For Sick Presidents You Don’t Like” section, including some humorous ones where a cartoon cat dances on Trump’s grave.

  • Trump got COVID, so did a bunch of people at the White House.
  • Media seemed pretty pumped that the President could die on Friday when it was announced that he has contracted the virus
  • Trump walked himself to the helicopter on the White House lawn to go to the hospital “out of an abundance of caution”
  • He posted several photos and videos over the weekend showing him working and thanking his supporters. Internet conspiracies went nuts about reflections on the table in the photos, the timestamps in the exif data, Trump seemingly signing a blank piece of paper i.e. “He staged these photos! He’s not working or he doesn’t have COVID!”
  • The Media and bluecheck types seemed to either think Trump was faking COVID or was covering up how bad his situation was. 
  • Trump rode around in an SUV to thank gathered supporters and wave
  • Trump was released from the hospital Monday.

Story 2

Governor Whitmer Refuses To Throw Ring Of Power Back Into Fires Of Mount Doom

Summary: In legal news, a Michigan Supreme Court has ordered Governor Gretchen Whitmer to throw the Ring of Power, which she has wielded to enact tyrannical coronavirus restrictions upon her citizens, back into the fires of Mount Doom.

"Nooo! Not my precious!" Whitmer screamed as the state Supreme Court handed down the order to destroy the Ring. "Nasty, nasty Constitution! We don't likes it! Nasty, fat Founding Fathers!" She turned and left.

  • The court ruled 4-3 that Whitmer's decision to declare a state of emergency without approval from state legislators was unconstitutional
  • She could declare a state of emergency but must get approval for extension "after 28 days” according to the law
  • The plaintiffs in the case were health care providers who could not perform “nonessential” medical procedures due to the extension
  • Also Mentioned: Go to our Youtube Channel and check out a music video that seemed like it came out forever ago.

Story 3

USA Today Publishes Fact-Check On Whether A Priest, A Rabbi, And A Minister Really Walked Into A Bar Together

Summary: After hearing someone tell a questionable story about how a priest, a rabbi, and a minister walked into a bar together, USA Today published a 1,200-word fact check on the tall tale. Citing over 15 sources to cast doubt on the story, USA Today handily dismantled the fib. 

 

 

Topic of the Week: 

Christians making movies with Small Group Director Matt Chastain.

Also we asked subscribers to Send Us The Best Headline Pitches From Your Kids.

Hate Mail

We got a comment about the quiet man in plaid and the liberal in the Legend of Zelda t-shirt.

Subscriber Portion

MAILBAG

Sarah sends us a message asking about whether or not every Christian ought to have a “road to Damascus” conversion moment or a sense that “God told me” to know which way to go in life.

To watch or listen to the full podcast, become a subscriber at https://babylonbee.com/plans

Oct 09, 2020
Kevin Sorbo Talks Being A Conservative Christian in Hollywood
44:56

This is The Babylon Bee Interview Show.

Be sure to check out The Babylon Bee YouTube Channel for more podcasts, podcast shorts, animation, and more.

In this episode, Kyle and Ethan talk to Kevin Sorbo. An outspoken actor, producer, and director, Kevin is perhaps best known for playing Hercules and, in Christian circles, for playing the angry atheist professor in God’s Not Dead. Kevin and his wife Sam have a new book together called True Faith: Embracing Adversity to Live in God's Light. Kyle and Ethan talk to Kevin about how he found true strength after suffering a stroke, married the Golden Hind, and now works to make movies that aren’t just for Christian audiences, but for everyone. 

Topics Discussed

  • Golfing with Donald Trump and Jesse Ventura
  • Hercules being the top show on television
  • Having a stroke and going from Hercules to mere mortal
  • Kull The Conqueror
  • Don’t go to Dr. Die or Dr. Slaughter
  • Writing True Strength and becoming a speaker
  • Kissing stunt doubles
  • Conservative, Christian heterosexual and looking for work in Hollywood
  • Protect the sea turtle eggs, abort the fetuses?
  • Kevin is working on a new show The World According To Billy Potwin
  • Making movies that aren’t just for one audience
  • Sorbo’s other recent work: Let There Be Light, What If…, God’s Not Dead, Miracle In East Texas
  • Mask politics 
  • ANTIFA
  • Marrying the Golden Hind
  • Disappointed!
  • Hercules crew working on LOTR
  • Bad TV props
  • True Faith

Subscriber Portion

To watch or listen to the full podcast, become a subscriber at https://babylonbee.com/plans.

Oct 06, 2020
Dumpster Fire Debate/ACB Blood Cult/Smart People Don’t Pay Taxes News Show 10.2.2020
56:35

This is the Babylon Bee Weekly News Podcast for the week of 10/2/2020.

In this episode of The Babylon Bee Podcast, Kyle and Ethan talk about the week’s biggest stories like it being revealed by the corporate press that Amy Coney Barrett is part of some weird religious cult that drinks blood, the nation’s libertarians cheering Trump’s smart avoidance of Federal theft, and a state without electricity now demanding everyone buy an electric car. Kyle and Ethan also react to the dumpster fire that is our nation’s presidential debate. Buckle your Chesterbelts, it’s another Babylon Bee News Show.

Introduction

Ethan wants face foam and Kyle visited Texas for The Texan’s Night With The Babylon Bee.

Stuff That’s Good

Kyle likes Stryper - Even the Devil Believes.

Ethan likes BREAKDOWN with Kurt Russell.

Weird News

Stories of the Week

Story 1 

CNN Reports Amy Coney Barrett Attended Bizarre Ceremony Where She Ate Flesh, Drank Blood Of Jewish Guy

Summary:  In a disturbing new report, CNN has revealed the bizarre practices of the strange cult Amy Coney Berrett belongs to. Known to some as "Christendom," it features many ancient rituals that were recorded by undercover CNN journalists at a strange stone building on Sunday where the ceremonies were held. Secret cameras showed Amy Coney Barrett kneeling before a priest-type figure as he recited some kind of incantation in a dead tongue. The priest then held up a round wafer and a goblet of red liquid which he announced to be the true body and blood of a Jewish rabbi who died 2000 years ago.They then brought a newborn baby to a basin of water and attempted to drown it.

Story 2

Libertarian Voters Flock To Trump After Learning He Avoided Paying Taxes

Summary: Trump is polling high among an unexpected group: libertarians, who were energized and drawn to Trump's cause after the New York Times revealed that he paid as little as $750 in federal taxes some years.

  • The NYT published last Sunday twenty years of back tax returns after some anonymous bureaucrat leaked it showing “chronic losses and years of tax avoidance”
  • Within 4 hours Biden had a video ad attack the info contained in the leak
  • It is illegal for the IRS to leak the personal tax returns of any individual. The Times is guarding its sources closely.
  • Trump bragged in 2016 at debates that he paid the least amount of taxes that he legally could. “That makes me smart,” he said in a debate with Hillary.

Story 3

State With No Electricity Orders Everyone To Drive Cars That Run On Electricity

Summary: California, a state with no electricity, has ordered everyone to drive cars that run on electricity. Well, how dya like that

Topic of the Week: Biden-Trump Debate Reaction

Kyle and Ethan laugh and then cry a little when reacting to the first debate between Trump and Biden.

Hate Mail

Tony wants to know why it is our mission to spread misinformation and lies in this pandemic apocalyptic time and we also get accused of being “proud boy lovers”.

Love Mail

The people demand more animation and weird Bible stories.

Subscriber Portion

Kyle and Ethan talk muppets for some reason and answer an email from Holly about Kyle being such a rebel with his non-voting.

To watch or listen to the full podcast, become a subscriber at https://babylonbee.com/plans

Oct 02, 2020
Seamus Coughlin Talks Shapiro Impressions/Catholicism/Crazy Libertarians
53:23

This is The Babylon Bee Interview Show.

In this episode, Kyle and Ethan speak with Seamus Coughlin, who is the man behind FreedomToons and also an animator, writer, director, editor, and uncanny Ben Shapiro impersonator. Today, Seamus produces entertaining animated content for a number of outlets, and a good deal of his work can be found on the FreedomToons YouTube channel and the Foundation for Economic Education series Common Sense Soapbox with Seamus Coughlin. They talk about arson being bad, punching the Pope, and being as libertarian as the Catholic church allows. 

This episode is brought to you by Faithful Counseling. Go to faithfulcounseling.com/babylonbee for 10% off your first month.

Topics Discussed

  • Introduction to FreedomToons: Ben Shapiro Thanksgiving
  • Seamus does an excellent Ben Shapiro and Jordan Peterson impersonation
  • Being as libertarian as the Roman Catholic church allows
  • Roman Catholic teaching on mortal and venial sins (doing drugs, punching Pope)
  • On not doing PopeToons and guarding ourselves from crossing the line
  • The bizarre defense of arson
  • How Seamus got into animation to begin with
  • Being politically homeless
  • Bernie Sanders giving the Establishment what they want
  • Jordan Peterson tells us who would win between Donald Trump and a lobster
  • Churchill wasn’t antifascist enough
  • Ethan recommends Jonah Goldberg’s The Tyranny of Clichés
  • The need for art in the right-of-center political sphere
  • The creativity crunch that produced Right Wing Agitators
  • Bill Watterson’s Calvin & Hobbes
  • Explicitly Christian art vs. implicit themes and bad Christian art

Subscriber Portion

  • On being a Russian bot
  • YouTube’s relationship with conservative creators
  • Weird google search results
  • Russia and China
  • Abortion so nobody lives in poverty
  • The Rubin Report
  • PragerU is not a real university
  • South Park, The Simpsons, Family Guy
  • Snopes attacking The Babylon Bee and the pros and cons of internet fact checkers 
  • The Ten Questions

To watch or listen to the full podcast, become a subscriber at https://babylonbee.com/plans

Sep 29, 2020
LeBron In Lace/1619 Project/Demons And Ghosts News Show 9.25.2020
01:17:40

This is the Babylon Bee Weekly News Podcast for the week of 9/25/2020.

In this episode of The Babylon Bee Podcast, Kyle and Ethan talk about the week’s biggest stories like the NBA’s heartwarming tribute to Ruth Bader Ginsburg, Donald Trump ordering all the nation’s schools to show the movie ‘Top Gun’ daily instead of 1619 Project materials, and how 95% of evangelicals don’t believe in God, the Bible, or Jesus. Kyle and Ethan also talk to demon and ghost investigator Billy Hallowell about demon possessions, infestations, and what happens when you use that Ouija board. 

Billy Hallowell’s new book is available now: Playing with Fire: A Modern Investigation into Demons, Exorcism, and Ghosts.

This episode is brought to you by Faithful Counseling. Go to faithfulcounseling.com/babylonbee for 10% off your first month.

Introduction

Kyle got kicked off Twitter for being a bot apparently and the guys and report live from Moscow.

Stuff That’s Good

Kyle likes the Dune audiobook

Ethan likes Scythian (the band).

Weird News

Stories of the Week

Story 1: NBA Players Wear Special Lace Collars To Honor Ruth Bader Ginsburg

Summary: NBA players are honoring the life of Ruth Bader Ginsburg this week by wearing pretty lace collars just like Notorious RBG used to wear

  • Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg died September 18, 2020, at the age of 87, from complications of metastatic pancreatic cancer
  • She became known as a  leftist icon and dubbed The Notorious RBG by a law student (like the rapper The Notorious B.I.G.)
  • Bill Clinton nominated her to SCOTUS 1993 (Bill was elected with 43% of popular vote in 1992)
  • She became known as a liberal wing of the court and argued for gender equality and women’s “rights”
  • Her death is right up on the election, leftist celebrities and media types like Reza Azlan are doubling down on threatening to burn everything down to the ground if the Republicans “ram” through a judge
  • Romney said he would not block the vote and would vote based on the merits of the nominee, and that Trump as President can constitutionally nominate and the Senate can give advice and consent. This comes amid calls of hypocrisy since in 2016 the Republican led Senate blocked a vote on Merrick Garland nominated by Barack Obama.
  • Trump has promised to nominate a woman. Because that’s important for some reason.
  • Lefty types on Twitter seem to think this article was real. Really.

Story 2

Trump Orders Schools To Replace Anti-American Curriculum With Daily Viewings Of 'Top Gun'

Summary: In what many are calling the most popular Executive Order of all time, President Trump has ordered public schools to stop teaching anti-American history classes, replacing them all with daily viewings of Top Gun.

Story 3

Survey Finds 95% Of Evangelicals Don't Believe In God, Bible, Jesus

Summary: A new study has found that 95% of evangelicals don’t believe in God, the Bible, or Jesus.

  • Ligonier released their annual ‘State Of Theology” polling data and it’s not looking good:
  • What do Americans believe about God, salvation, ethics, and the Bible? Ligonier Ministries and LifeWay Research partnered to find out. 
  • 51% of US adults and 32% of evangelicals say “Jesus was a good teacher, but was not God”
  • 63% US Adults/46% of evangelicals believe God accepts the worship of all religions
  • 55%U.S. Adults/56% of evangelicals believe “Jesus is the first and greatest being created by God”
  • 59% US adults/51% evangelicals agree with “The Holy Spirit is a force, but not a personal being.”
  • 46% evangelicals agree with “Worshiping alone or with one’s family is a valid replacement for regularly attending church.
  • 31% evangelicals agree with, “Churches must provide entertaining worship services if they want to be effective.”
  • 24% evangelicals agree with, “Gender identity is a matter of choice.”
  • 18% evangelicals agree with, “The Bible’s condemnation of homosexual behavior doesn’t apply today.”

Topic of the Week: Billy Hallowell’s Playing with Fire: A Modern Investigation into Demons, Exorcism, and Ghosts

  • The world — and the church — sometimes tends to avoid or ignore the topic of demons and spiritual warfare
  • The issue of source credibility
  • Documented cases 
  • Things Hollywoods gets wrong
  • Christians- how to respond to demons

 

Hate Mail

We get a text message that we don't disagree with.

Subscriber Portion

Kyle and Ethan continue their talk with Billy Hallowell on specific crazy cases of demon and ghost stories and give him The Ten Questions.

Sep 25, 2020
Michael Malice Talks Cuties/Conspiracy Theories/Boomercons
46:22

This is The Babylon Bee Interview Show.

In this episode of The Babylon Bee Interview Show, Kyle and Ethan welcome back again The Bee’s favorite anarchist troll: Michael Malice, the author of Dear Reader and The New Right and host of "YOUR WELCOME" and Night Shade. They discuss the new Netflix movie that sexualizes children, which conspiracy theories are aging better than others, and how the depravity and malfeasance of the corporate press is without cessation. You can get more Michael Malice on YouTube, Twitter and Locals.

You can catch Michael’s previous appearances on The Babylon Bee Podcast here and here.

Topics Discussed

  • The sexualization of children, ‘Cuties’, and the “enemy class (Mainstream figures defending Cuties)
  • Power elites caught up in the Epstein scandal
  • Conspiracy theories like QAnon, PizzaGate, RussiaGate and all the other Gates
  • Public schools/homeschooling
  • People who collect jars of urine
  • Going back to cassette tapes over CDs
  • The case of Breonna Taylor and the ethics of No Knock style raids
  • Meth in energy drinks and drug cartel leaders not names “El Guapo”
  • Ethan solves the prison overcrowding problem
  • The Crossfit CEO situation
  • We all need the space suits from Aliens with light up helmets going forward
  • Government overreach to do anything to solve a problem and not worry about the unintended consequences
  • Internet search engines and mainstream press making it impossible to find alternative views
  • American propaganda using celebrities like the cringe New York PSA
  • Jim Gaffigan’s twitter rant about Trump
  • Donating to Biden’s campaign for the comedy
  • Conservatives, libertarians, conservatarians, and the essence of the boomercon 

Subscriber Portion

  • George W Bush was not a Jr.
  • Anarchist cliches
  • Underground libertarian parties
  • Why did Christ have to die?
  • “Losers and suckers” of World War I? 
  • Edibles
  • Going to war against Japan in World War II
  • Appealing to standards of objective morality
  • The NEW Ten Questions and they’re a bit more intense
  • Also mentioned: Our Birthday Present To Michael Malice.

To watch or listen to the full podcast, become a subscriber at https://babylonbee.com/plans



Sep 22, 2020
Puppy Murder/Threatening Riots/Weird Bible Stories News Show 9.18.2020
01:17:33

This is the Babylon Bee Weekly News Podcast for the week of 9/18/2020.

In this episode of The Babylon Bee Podcast, Kyle and Ethan talk about the week’s biggest stories like how Netflix is putting out films to show how bad something is by having actors do that thing, Democrats are threatening chaos and death if they don’t get their way in November, and a woman is marrying a tree. Kyle and Ethan do a rundown of the most weird stories of the Bible and come up with great band names like Stabbing Eglon.

Introduction

Welcome to The Babylon Bee, the only podcast on the internet where two pasty white guys tell you what they think about politics.

Kyle has a church visit horror story.

Stuff That’s Good

Kyle LOVES They Shall Not Grow Old - 2018 documentary by Peter Jackson featuring restored and colorized footage of World War I. No narrator, no framing, no commentary, just audio of actual World War I vets over the footage. Very few historical details, just the soldiers’ experiences. An incredibly moving film.

Ethan likes Norm MacDonald’s Based On a True Story Audiobook.

BEARS WANT TO KILL YOU IS BACK

Weird News

Stories of the Week

New Netflix Movie Actually Murders Puppies To Teach That Murdering Puppies Is Bad

Democrats Reveal They Have Planted Dynamite All Around Nation And Will Blow It Up If Biden Isn't Elected

Summary: Democrats are offering their most persuasive case yet for Biden's election claiming that ‘A Vote for Trump is a vote for more violence’. They said if Biden is not elected  president they will detonate a series of explosives and millions will die. 

  • From Shadi Hamid at the Atlantic “A loss by Joe Biden under these circumstances is the worst case not because Trump will destroy America (he can’t), but because it is the outcome most likely to undermine faith in democracy, resulting in more of the social unrest and street battles that cities including Portland, Oregon, and Seattle have seen in recent months. For this reason, strictly law-and-order Republicans who have responded in dismay to scenes of rioting and looting have an interest in Biden winning—even if they could never bring themselves to vote for him.”

Academy Strips 'Schindler's List' Of Best Picture Award Due To Lack Of Diversity

Summary: Schindler’s List is considered to be one of the greatest films about the holocaust and man’s ability to do good in the midst of evil-- well until now. The Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences recently ruled that films without representation from LGBTQ+ characters, people of color, and other oppressed groups would not be eligible to win Oscars. Sorry Schindler’s List!

  • According to The Academy’s new Best Picture rules—which go into full effect in 2024—films must meet at least two of four new standards that stipulate roles both onscreen and behind the scenes be filled by people from underrepresented groups, including race, women, LGBTQ and people with cognitive or physical disabilities, including the deaf and hard of hearing.
  • Who says they decide what the best picture is? “You can’t be the best unless you follow our rules” sounds like playground talk. 
  • Among the critics was actress Kirstie Alley, who didn’t mince words: “The new RULES to qualify for ‘best picture’ are dictatorial…anti-artist…Hollywood you’re swinging so far left you’re bumping into your own a**.”
  • It’s almost as if the racists are suggesting the criteria for best picture should be that it was a picture and it was the best one. 
  • Movies are one of the great ways to see into another culture and understand them better. Cultures should get their own films. 

Topic of the Week: Weird Bible Stories

There are a ton of beautiful, inspiring stories in the Bible. We all know about those ones. But there’s also a lot of weird stuff. Some nasty stuff too. 

  • The Bible shows us a true picture of reality, including the sad and horrific stuff, as well as the bizarre stuff no one can explain. 
  • Why do you think we shy away from telling these stories?
  • Why do you think they’re in the Bible?
  • Jael and the Tent stake (Judges 4:9-22)
  • Elisha and the she-bears (2 Kings 2:23-24)
  • Balam’s talking donkey (Numbers 22:21-39)
  • Stabbing Eglon (Judges 3:12-30)
  • Ezekiel baking bread over poo (Ezekiel 4:9)
  • God tells prophet Hosea to marry the prostitute Gomer (Hosea 1)
  • Nebuchadnezzar cursed to eat grass for 7 years (Daniel 4)
  • Elijah mocking the prophets of Ba’al- “Maybe your god is on the toilet!” (1 Kings 18)
  • Guy who fell asleep during a sermon and fell out the window (Acts 20:7-12)
  • Actually did a Bee article about this
  • Paul resurrected him! 
  • Jesus letting the demons go into the herd of pigs (Luke 8:26-39)
  • Jesus curses the fig tree (Mark 11:12-25) 

Hate Mail

We always get great hate mail.

Enjoy our latest animation: Better Cops! (Also watch it here on our YouTube channel and SUBSCRIBE!)

Subscriber Portion

Kyle and Ethan dive into the mailbag to answer questions from subscribers about tattoos and reading books.

To watch or listen to the full podcast, become a subscriber at https://babylonbee.com/plans.

Sep 18, 2020
Sam Sorbo Talks Home Education/15-Passenger Vans and Denim Jumpers/Public School Failures
01:01:58

This is The Babylon Bee Interview Show.

In this episode, Kyle and Ethan talk to Sam Sorbo, who is a major advocate for home education in a time when many people are starting to look at it as an alternative in an age  of virtual schooling, pandemic lockdowns, and kindergartners doing 2 hour zoom meetings. Her books include They’re Your Kids: An Inspirational Journey From Self- Doubter To Home School Advocate and Teach From Love: A School Year Devotional For Families. Her new book, with her husband Kevin, is True Faith: Embracing Adversity to Live in God's Light. She is also the host of The Sam Sorbo Podcast.

Topics Discussed

  • Public schools not serving our kids
  • Virtual schooling and pandemic lockdowns
  • Parents ceding authority to the school
  • Children lecturing parents
  • The purpose of education
  • Education as daycare
  • School doesn’t take 7-½ hours a day
  • What about college?
  • Does college tuition make sense?
  • Teachers concerned about parents getting in the way with their “racism” and backwards views
  • Aren’t homeschoolers weird?
  • Bullies teaching kids not to bully and in our culture nowadays bullying seems to be fine anyway
  • Common core math and the 1619 Project
  • “Homeschooling is not ‘school at home.’ It is the education of your child. They are two different beasts.”

To watch or listen to the full podcast, become a subscriber at https://babylonbee.com/plans.

Sep 15, 2020
Anonymous Sources/Demon Bread/Weird Christian Videos News Show 9.11.2020
01:19:13

This is The Babylon Bee Weekly News Show for the week of 9/11/2020.

In this episode of The Babylon Bee Podcast, Kyle and Ethan talk about the week’s biggest stories like California’s progressive green energy grid leading the nation in brownouts, anonymous sources totally confirming that Trump punched a baby, and a man blowing up his house in an attempt to swat a fly. Kyle and Ethan also dig into the video archives to find really weird videos from Christian music and educational programming to talk about how weird they are. For example, why is that loaf of bread talking to us?

Intro

Kyle and Ethan discuss September 11 and Frank J. Fleming’s Superego: Fathom Audible release.

Stuff That’s Good

Kyle likes the video game Fall Guys.

Ethan likes a Youtube Channel called Corridor Crew.

Weird News

 

  • The Swedish museum says people can be "very desperate to get drunk" and in such a situation become "quite inventive"
  • Other gross brews: wine fermented in a prison toilet, a spit-fermented cornmeal beer from Peru, a Ugandan gin made from fermented bananas, and an ancient Korean beverage fermented from children's faeces and rice, which was thought to be medicinal in the past. There is also a strong Scottish brew served from the mouth of a taxidermied squirrel.
  • Why not feed the dogs the whale testicle beer

 

Stories of the Week

Governor Newsom Claims Rolling Blackouts Are To Show Support For Black Lives Matter

Summary: California has been experiencing blackouts across the state. While many thought the blackouts were due to poor planning and unrealistic green energy requirements, Governor Gavin Newsom clarified that he ordered the blackouts as a powerful display supporting BLM.

  • CA passed AB-32 in 2006 which basically says the state should be half green energy by 2025.
  • CA currently is about 30% powered by wind and solar (mostly solar)
  • During heatwaves there is no wind, and at night there is no sun, so at night, CA loses nearly 30% of its energy. 
  • SCIENCE!

'Humans Are Basically Good,' Says Man Who Has Never Met A 3-Year-Old

Summary: Local man Chad Bruner says he believes all humans are born good, that altruism is man’s natural state, and that it is society and parenting that corrupts them. Incidentally, Bruner had no younger siblings, no kids of his own, not even any nephews or nieces or even some neighbor kids. When asked ‘Have you ever even met a three year old once in your life?” he answered no.

Anonymous White House Source Claims Trump Punched A Baby

Summary: According to an anonymous source in the White House, President Trump shocked aides and other staffers last year when he lost his temper and punched a baby in the face.

  • The Atlantic published a piece saying that Trump called the dead soldiers in a war “losers.”
  • When [John] McCain died, in August 2018, Trump told his senior staff, according to three sources with direct knowledge of this event, 'We're not going to support that loser's funeral,' and he became furious, according to witnesses, when he saw flags lowered to half-staff. 'What the f--- are we doing that for? Guy was a f---ing loser,' the president told aides."
  • Trump and many from the White House staff have forcibly denied the allegations published in The Atlantic on Thursday, alleging, according to four unnamed sources, that the president referred to dead soldiers buried at the Aisne-Marne American cemetery near Paris as "suckers" and that the land was "filled with losers" during his visit to France in 2018.
  • People present came out and said it didn’t happen, including our favorite walrus, John Bolton.

Topic of the Week

The Babylon Bee Writers React to Weird Christian Videos

Jesus is a Friend of Mine  

Third Eagle of the Apocalypse 

The Renewed Mind Is The Key

Carman - A Witch’s Invitation

Creepy bread loaf at minute 1:50

Hate Mail

Young earth creationists send in some hate over our recent interview and some guy wrote us to make sure we knew that Trump did not punch that baby.

Subscriber Portion

Calvin H. sent in audio and wants to know from Kyle what a libertarian America would look like and the guys tell more stories about crazy stuff that neighbors and family friends have done to them.

To watch or listen to the full podcast, become a subscriber at https://babylonbee.com/plans.

Sep 14, 2020
A.L. Van Den Herik Talks Female Apologists/Riding Dinosaurs/Arguments For Faith
53:52

This is The Babylon Bee Interview Show.

In this episode of The Babylon Bee Podcast, Kyle and Ethan talk to A. L. Van Den Herik who is the author of a new book called The Shortest Leap: The Rational Underpinnings of Faith in Jesus. This is a great dialogue about the historical, rational, and scientific arguments for Christianity and how a person decides to become a Christian.They discuss whether a woman can write an apologetics book, break Ethan’s brain with Einstein’s law of relativity, and trigger Kyle with old earth arguments. 

Topics Discussed

  • C.S. Lewis and apologetics
  • Women writers on the Christian book scene
  • Allyson’s conversion from hardcore atheist & leftist to Christianity
  • Tarantula wasps and rabbits eating their own poop
  • Dinosaurs are cool
  • God’s wisdom in how he has revealed Himself
  • Time dilation & light speed travel or how the movie Interstellar maybe backs up the days of the Genesis creation account
  • Were all of her professors at Stanford and Berkley like Kevin Sorbo’s character in God’s Not Dead?
  • The Noah’s Ark story and did people ride dinosaurs?
  • Do people decide to be a Christian through pure reason?
  • “Christians” that don’t believe in God
  • Pagan creation, flood and resurrection myths
  • Parenting tips while working on big projects
  • Working for Rush Limbaugh
  • The Ten Questions

To watch or listen to the full podcast, become a subscriber at https://babylonbee.com/plans.

Sep 08, 2020
Jetpacks Over LAX/Karate Moves In Church/Rejected Bee Headlines News Show 9.4.2020
01:02:03

This is The Babylon Bee News Show for the week of 9/4/2020.

This episode of The Babylon Bee Podcast is brought to you by Faithful Counseling.Go to faithfulcounseling.com/babylonbee and get 10% off your first month! 

In this episode of The Babylon Bee Podcast, Kyle and Ethan talk about the week’s big stories like a mysterious man with a jetpack spooking airline pilots approaching LAX, people are being karate chopped in the throat at church now, and wild bears are becoming regular customers at a convenience store. Kyle and Ethan also talk about rejected Babylon Bee headlines that for one reason or another didn’t make the cut. Also, Kyle and Ethan got turned into a cartoon and President Trump retweeted The Babylon Bee. 

Introduction

Bee Fan Zander sent us an awesome animation of Kyle’s origin story, where Kyle discovered he had super satirical powers, and we moved to a new office!

Stuff That’s Good

Kyle: HOPE Coffee

Ethan: The Monster Engine

Weird News

Not The Bee has hit the ground running and will definitely be our go-to place for harvesting weird real news from now on .

Stories of the Week

Large Turnout At Memorial For Hans Gruber Who Was Thrown From A Building By A Police Officer
Summary: A huge crowd turned out Sunday for the memorial service of a victim of extreme police violence, Hans Gruber. Gruber was thrown from the top floor of Nakatomi Plaza by New York police officer John McClane, which many consider one of the most excessive uses of force ever witnessed. McClane was not even in his jurisdiction at the time of the crime.

Biden: 'If You Thought The Republican Convention Was Good, Just Wait 'Til We Have Our Convention!'

Summary: Joe Biden conceded today that the Republican Convention was "alright," "pretty inspiring, to be honest," and "a real gas."  But also said the Democratic Convention is going to be "even better” in a conversation with a department store mannequin. It was unclear how Biden got into the department store, as it's been out of business since 2013. Aides located him after they put out a Silver Alert and coaxed him into a windowless van by writing "FREE HAIR" on the side. They were then able to transport him safely back to the basement for storage until the election.

  • Trump retweeted us 

14 Mostly Accurate CNN Headlines From The Last 6,000 Years Of Human History

Summary: CNN has been there from the beginning, always running toward the important stories and absolutely never covering them up. We went through CNN's archives and dug up these 14 headlines they published while covering some of the most significant events of human history. They are truly a bastion of truth and honesty in journalism.

Topic of the Week

Babylon Bee Headlines We Never Published

Hate Mail

We encounter another Susan out in the wild.

Subscriber Portion

Kyle and Ethan lead subscribers on a tour our new office, talk about their plans for growth and where things have come, They also read some more of Ethan's and Kyle's very first headlines from the early days.

To watch or listen to the full podcast, become a subscriber at https://babylonbee.com/plans.

Sep 04, 2020
Andrew Klavan Talks Violence In Storytelling/Becoming Christian/Movies Ruining Movies
41:52

In this episode of The Babylon Bee Podcast, Kyle and Ethan talk to Andrew Klavan an author, screenwriter, essayist, and host of The Andrew Klavan Show at The Daily Wire. They discuss whether good storytelling requires sex & violence, movies that ruined entire movie genres, and going from secular Jew to Christian at age 49. Kyle and Ethan pitch their best movie remake ideas and they talk shop with a fellow satirist.

Topics Discussed

  • Edgar Awards are ugly
  • Writing scripts for Hollywood
  • Going full skinhead and entering conservative media
  • Ruining a perfectly good headline [SATIRE]
  • A secular Jew becoming a Christian at age 49
  • Kyle and Ethan pitch movie ideas to Klavan that are in dire need of a remake
  • Movies that ruined movies
  • On the necessity of putting sex, cursing & violence in stories
  • Stephen King’s twitter feed
  • Behind-the-scenes Ben Shapiro stories
  • Church shopping during lockdown
  • Andrew judges some our subscriber satirical headline pitches
  • The Ten Questions
Sep 01, 2020
Jerry Falwell Jr./Netflix Pervs/Top 10 Comedies News Show 8.28.2020
01:01:01

In this episode of The Babylon Bee Podcast, Kyle and Ethan talk about the  week’s big stories like the news surrounding Jerry Falwell Jr., Netflix trying to normalize pedophilia before celebrities get outed by Ghislaine Maxwell, and how flatulence during lockdown may be leading to a rise in elder abuse. They also do a rundown of their top ten comedy movies of all time, read some hate mail, and talk about infant baptism and lame church websites.

Intro

We are in The Babylon Bee Autonomous Zone and Ethan has a milestone birthday today!

Stuff That’s Good

Kyle likes Legend of Korra.

Ethan likes the Richard Jewell movie directed by Clint Eastwood.

Weird News

Stories of the Week

Story 1

Hollywood Elites Rush To Normalize Pedophilia Before They're All Outed By Ghislaine Maxwell

Summary: With Epstein’s infamous assistant Ghislaine Maxwell awaiting trial and testimony in prison, many celebrities, politicians, and entertainment industry elites are rushing to make pedophilia generally acceptable before they’re outed as patrons of Epstein’s notorious island.

Story 2

California Ends Exploitation Of Workers For Good By Banning All Jobs

Summary: California has claimed victory over the horrible abuse and exploitation of workers at the hands of evil employers with a new bill, AB666, which will make it a crime to work for a living.

Story 3

 Gen Xers Decide To Split Off From Rest Of Society And Form A Utopia That’s All Relaxed And Cool And, You Know, Whatever

Summary: After years being stuck between the lame boomers and the extra millennials, Generation X has finally decided to do the sensible thing and split off from the rest of society and make a utopia that will be all relaxed and chill and not get worked up over everything.

Topic of the Week

Kyle and Ethan talk about their Top 10 Comedy Movies Of All Time 

Hate Mail

We encounter a Susan and somebody keeps commenting on the podcast telling us to quit podcasting and go back to being funny.

Subscriber Portion

Mailbag: Kyle, Ethan, and Producer Dan answer an audio question from subscriber Clarence Thomas Aquinas about infant baptism. He says he only listens to ⅔ of the episodes though. Kyle and Ethan also tackle a question about a church’s online presence.

Also Mentioned: The R.C. Sproul vs. John MacArthur debate on infant baptism.

Aug 28, 2020
Doctor David Fisher On Surviving COVID/Masks/Keeping Mom Out Of A Nursing Home
48:08

In this episode of The Babylon Bee Podcast, Kyle and Ethan talk to Dr. David Fisher, one of The Babylon Bee’s longest-tenured writers going back to the Adam Ford days when The Bee was still funny. David Fisher is a physician with Doctors Making Housecalls in Durham, NC and is board certified in family medicine, geriatrics, and palliative care. He is the author of How to Keep Mom (and Yourself) Out of a Nursing Home: Seven Keys to Keeping Your Independence. They talk about the politics and science of COVID, the myths and censorship surrounding a certain medicine that shall not be named, and how to exercise your fart holders.

Topics Discussed

  • Is COVID a hoax?
  • Do masks do anything?
  • What is the deal with the drug that can’t be named (the H word)?
  • Doc is recovering from COVID
  • Any thoughts on that video of “medical doctors” that is going around? Banned by Facebook, Twitter, Google, YouTube
  • Health impacts of the lockdown
  • Visiting loved ones in the hospital
  • How to keep your mom and yourself out of a nursing home
  • Laughter is good medicine

Subscriber Portion

“Doc Savage” answers The Babylon Bee subscriber questions that were submitted to us and not screened at all. 

Also mentioned:  

Archaeologists Discover Prophet Daniel's Weight Loss Diary

Report: Baptists' Impressive Life Expectancy Linked To Casserole Consumption

Church Service Canceled After Guitar Cable Identifies As Female

Joel Osteen Launches Line Of Pastoral Wear: 'Sheep's Clothing'

Aug 25, 2020
Twitter-Gate/Trump Stamps/Students For Life News Show 8.21.2020
01:31:04

This is The Babylon Bee Weekly News Show for the week of 8/21/2020.

Watch or listen to this episode on our podcast page, where subscribers can find full length episodes, or over on our YouTube channel. Subscribe using your favorite podcast platform here.

In this episode of The Babylon Bee podcast, Kyle and Ethan talk about the week’s biggest stories like Twitter “accidentally” suspending the Babylon Bee for the web’s darkest 90 minutes, the humble Postal Service being the focus of all the nation’s fire and fury, and how students got arrested for the peaceful protest with sidewalk chalk outside a Planned Parenthood. Kristan Hawkins, President for Students For Life, talks to The Babylon Bee and silliness ensues.  

Show Outline

Introduction

Stuff That’s Good

Kyle likes The Peanut Butter Falcon.

Ethan likes: The Last Narc on Amazon Prime.

Weird News

Mum's disbelief after returning home to find naughty puppy had eaten her savings

Beer company accidentally names itself after pubic hair

Factory malfunction causes chocolate rain in Switzerland

Cow surprises beach-goers by emerging from the sea

Newlyweds shamed for wedding cake that looks like 'burnt mutilated cow flesh'

Woman catches Amazon driver mid-squat pooing in her garden

Stories of the Week

Story 1

Twitter Apologizes After Intern Accidentally Sets Coffee On ‘Destroy All Conservatives’ Button

Summary: A large number of conservative and satirical Twitter accounts that criticize the left were shut down yesterday in what CEO Jack Dorsey says was, "a totally honest mistake." Dorsey claims an intern set their coffee on a button labeled, 'Destroy All Conservatives,' which is located in the commons area near the coffee machine and easy to miss if you're not paying attention. 

Story 2 

Brilliant Trump Puts Himself On All Postage Stamps, Forcing Democrats To Push For Abolishing USPS

Summary: Sources are reporting that Trump has dealt a killer blow in his ongoing war against his sworn enemy, the United States Postal Service. In a move of sheer, mind-blowing brilliance, Trump directed the Post Office to put his face on every single stamp, forcing the Democrats to reverse course and abolish the institution once and for all. 

Story 3

Oops! Public School Teacher Forgets To Remove Antifa Mask Before Logging On For Class

Summary: Parents are raising concerns after a teacher opened her Monday morning online class in full Antifa riot gear. According to witnesses, Willow Maven, a local first-grade teacher and prolific scarf knitter, began teaching her online class, not realizing she was still wearing a black ski mask and a leather jacket emblazoned with an Antifa logo.

  • Prophecy fulfilled
  • A thread where teachers talk about their concern over parents being able to listen in to what they actually teach kids

Topic of the Week

Kyle and Ethan talk to Kristan Hawkins who is the president for the nation’s largest youth pro-life organization: Students For Life

Hate Mail

We get some hate from someone who seems to think we are mocking John MacArthur.

Subscriber Portion

Kyle and Ethan continue their conversation with Kristen Hawkins and get into the stuff they couldn’t say in front of the paywall. Crazy stories, many more Flowerbeds, and the Ten Questions. Sorry, freeloaders!

To watch or listen to the full podcast, become a subscriber at https://babylonbee.com/plans

 

Aug 21, 2020
Phil Johnson Talks Grace Community Church's "Peaceful Protest"/Wokeness/John MacArthur's Emoji Game
48:51

In this episode, Kyle and Ethan talk to Phil Johnson who is the executive director of Grace to You. He has been closely associated with John MacArthur since 1981 and edits most of Pastor MacArthur’s major books. Phil also founded several popular websites, including The Spurgeon Archive, The Hall of Church History, and the Pyromaniacs blog. He is an ordained elder and pastor at Grace Community Church, which is in the news recently for its decision to meet on the Lord’s Day for worship in defiance of California orders to socially distance. 

Topics Discussed

  • Grace Community Church deciding to meet on Sunday in a “peaceful protest”
  • Response to critics of opening the church
  • Pot is essential, church is not
  • Does John MacArthur read The Babylon Bee?
  • Emoji game is strong for J-Mac
  • Gavin Newsom and his nefarious schemes
  • Spurgeon and smoking a good cigar to the glory of God
  • Baptists hate alcohol though
  • The emergent church, wokeness, and the Young, Restless, Reformed

Subscriber Portion

  • Inside scoop on John MacArthur including several stories that are unbelievable like getting into an altercation with a cultist and driving over to a house to stop an adulterous act 
  • Kyle dropping out of The Master’s College
  • Charismatic chaos and how people keep rushing the stage at GCC.
  • The Ten Questions!

Also mentioned: Phil Johnson gave a message exploring the history of “Calvinism”

Also: Phil Johnson’s Po-Motivators.

To watch or listen to the full podcast, become a subscriber at https://babylonbee.com/plans.

Aug 18, 2020
VP Kamala/Atheist Arguments/Bats and Boars News Show 8.14.2020
01:12:03

In this episode of The Babylon Bee podcast, Kyle and Ethan talk about the week’s biggest stories like Biden picking Kamala Harris as his running mate, irrefutable atheist arguments that will have you running out to buy a sophisticated trilby hat, and how bored boars and bats are attacking naked Germans and libertarians.

This episode is brought to you by The Compromised Church by Frederick A. Herschelman

Exploring issues like the prosperity gospel, the entertainment-centered, seeker-sensitive church, and the importance of lay believers and pastors alike remaining biblically faithful in a time when we’re being pressured to compromise our beliefs, The Compromised Church is a timely exposé of the complacency in American Christianity today.

Show Outline

Introduction

Stuff That’s Good

Kyle likes HBO’s Chernobyl.

Ethan likes Jubilee - Middle Ground on YouTube.

Weird News

Naked German man chases down feral hog that stole his laptop

World's last Blockbuster video store listed on Airbnb

Wild boar leads police on hours-long chase through city

Researchers teaching robots to write a stage play in Czech Republic

Domino's New Zealand pulls promotion giving free pizzas to 'Karens'

Australian pub bans emus for 'bad behavior'

Libertarian Presidential Nominee Jo Jorgensen Bitten by Bat | Time

Woman who gouged out eyes while on meth receives prosthetic eyeballs

 

Stories of the Week

Story 1

Chicago Mayor Drives Past Looters To Arrest 7-Year-Old Having A Birthday Party

Summary: The mayor of Chicago made headlines this week when she heroically drove her car toward a group of pillaging looters, then swerved past them to arrest a 7-year old having a birthday party.

Story 2 

Biden Campaign Warns That For Debate Biden Will Need A Mask That Completely Conceals His Face And He Might Sound Different

Summary: The Biden Campaign has said they are open to debating Donald Trump  however they have warned the press that Joe Biden will need to wear a mask that completely conceals his face and that his voice  might sound different 

Story 3

10 Irrefutable Atheist Arguments That Will Explode Your Feeble Christian Brain

Summary: Go ahead and order that fedora or trilby.

Topic of the Week

Kamala Harris chosen as Joe Biden’s running mate

Hate Mail

We get a very confusing message leading us to wonder who at the Democratic National Committee runs the Department of Approved Jokes.

Subscriber Portion

Mailbag! We get a video question from our buddy Cameron!

To watch or listen to the full podcast, become a subscriber at https://babylonbee.com/plans.

Aug 14, 2020
Steve Reiter Talks Loved Ones Dying Alone/Arbitrary Lockdown Rules/Reclaiming Our Human Dignity
57:50

In this episode of The Babylon Bee Interview Show, Kyle and Ethan talk to good friend of The Babylon Bee: Steve Reiter. Steve is the host of the Holy Smokes Podcast, which is about a friendship movement of cigar smoking Christians. Steve and his sons were kept apart from his sick wife for several weeks due to the inhumane policy of no visitors whatsoever for hospitalized patients during the pandemic. Steve’s wife ended up dying alone. Since then, Steve has founded the Never Alone Project to pass legislation to make sure this doesn’t happen again to anyone else ever again. Warning: this episode is a hard story to hear, but, Kyle, Ethan, and Steve are able to find joy and laughter in their fellowship together despite hard times.

Read Steve’s full story in this piece on The Federalist.

In addition to checking out the Never Alone Project, there’s a Change.org petition that you can sign.

Topics Discussed

  • Steve tells the story of his wife’s health and long stay in the hospital alone due to arbitrary rules
  • Our humanity being being both physical and spiritual
  • Steve’s efforts in Colorado on a bill to force the issue of at least one screened visitor per day
  • The failure of government and hospital administration at every step leading up to this
  • Steve’s advice for anyone stuck in this situation
  • Steve is the host of Holy Smokes Podcast, so he talks a bit about that
  • Steve worked for Dr. James Dobson at Focus On The Family and Ethan seems to have him confused for someone else
  • The Ten Questions
Aug 11, 2020
That Story Show Crossover! Zombies From Jesus/Gas In Church/Defending Skeletons
57:08

In this special crossover episode of The Babylon Bee Podcast, Kyle and Ethan welcome the guys from That Story Show: James Kennison and John Steinklauber! This episode is filled with stories about misplacing children, skeletons, bombs, zombies from Jesus, casting out demons, and the wacky things that 4-year-olds do. In the subscriber portion, we finally get Ethan’s disgusting pizza story and read some of our own subscriber submissions!

Stories Discussed

  • 4 year old antics
  • Christians that aren’t being a good witness on the road with their massive JESUS bumper stickers
  • There are some things the GOODWILL guys will NOT take
  • When zombies interrupt worship and romance
  • Autobot transforming piano tuners
  • An Innocent bomb threat
  • In defence of skeletons
  • Cookie Jerky
  • The quarterly casting out of the demons
  • What’s wrong with The Smurfs?
  • Sandy Patty
  • Farting in church

Subscriber Portion

  • Ethan’s disgusting pizza story
  • The Babylon Bee Subscriber submissions
  • The Ten Questions!
Aug 07, 2020
Brett & Erin Kunkle Talk Equipping The Next Generation/Youth Ministry Antics/Crushing Monks
01:13:38

In this episode of The Babylon Bee Interview Show, Kyle and Ethan talk to Brett and Erin Kunkle who founded and lead MAVEN, which is an organization that exists to help the next generation know truth, pursue goodness, and create beauty, all for the cause of Christ. They talk about how we need to update the flannelgraphs, prompt the next generation to ask why they believe what they believe, and help youth groups equip the next generation with worldview knowledge, apologetics, and deep theology. They also discuss discernment in how G-rated movies are probably rotting your kid’s brain with cultural messages, screen time restrictions, and wacky youth group games and pranks that would probably land you in court nowadays. There’s also sage marriage advice from Erin in the subscriber portion.

 

Topics Discussed

  • Brett and Erin Kunkle lead up a group called MAVEN which is a movement of students who know truth, pursue goodness and create beauty.
  • Flannelgraphs being updated for modern sunday school lessons
  • Parenting and youth ministry challenges
  • Teaching the Why and not just the What
  • Catechisms and deepening our relationship with God just be knowing who He is
  • Prompting the “Why?” questions as a parent, instead of waiting for them
  • Teaching kids to crush the monks with facts and logic
  • Blue-haired ladies on TikTok indoctrinating teenagers
  • Screen time restrictions for kids
  • Youth groups can be more than pizza and games
  • Intergenerational church experiences
  • Eating bugs for the kingdom and handling dead animals
  • G-rated movies are rotting your kid’s brains
  • Narrating life for your kids to help them see what’s going on around them

Subscriber Portion

  • Holy Smokes
  • Marrying a single parent with kids
  • The Ten Questions
Aug 04, 2020
Doug TenNapel Guest-hosts! Christian Art In Hollywood / Mythical Riots / Gavin the Grinch - News Show 7.31.2020
01:28:41

In this episode of The Babylon Bee Podcast, Kyle and Ethan are joined by good friend Doug TenNapel to talk about the week’s big stories like John MacArthur standing up to the real-life grinch, the government favoring Caesar’s palace over Calvary Chapel, and conservatives being gaslit to believe in the riots being real. Doug TenNapel also talks about Christian art in Hollywood. This episode might be our most flower-bedded yet.

In the subscriber portion, Kyle, Ethan, and Doug spill on behind-the-scenes stuff writing and showrunning VeggieTales, take a question from a subscriber on Christians using discernment on what media to enjoy, and have Doug undergo the ten questions!

Jul 31, 2020
Interview Show: Dan Crenshaw Talks Eyepatches/Mob Democracy/Unscientific Lockdowns
34:44

Kyle and Ethan talk to Representative Dan Crenshaw. He is the representative for Texas’ second congressional district and the author of Fortitude: American Resilience in the Era of Outrage. They discuss the importance of knowing a good eyepatch guy, the difference between a democracy and a republic, and try to decide what was more chaotic: Afghanistan or CHAZ?

Watch or listen to this episode on our podcast page, where subscribers can find full length episodes, or over on our YouTube channel. Subscribe using your favorite podcast platform here.

Don't forget to pre-order the new Babylon Bee coffee table book!

Topics Discussed

  • Glass eyes bearing secret symbols

  • Knowing a good eye patch guy

  • Cancel culture

  • Democracy Vs Republic

  • Democrats, Republicans, and tribalistic partisanship

  • CHAZ or Afghanistan

  • The politicization of COVID-19

  • Federal Secret Police on American streets?

  • The Ten Questions

To watch or listen to the full podcast, become a subscriber at https://babylonbee.com/plans.

Jul 28, 2020
News Show: Mask Pollution/Nick Cannon/Bee Prophecies Fulfilled
55:14

This is The Babylon Bee Weekly News Show for the week of 7/24/2020.

In this episode of The Babylon Bee Podcast, Kyle and Ethan talk about the week’s big stories like Nick Cannon informing us all about the rotten savage mountain people in our midst, humanity deciding producing masks was more important than sustaining the earth, and all of the times the Babylon Bee has successfully predicted the future through its prophetic ministry.

In the subscriber portion, Kyle and Ethan discover a way to eat an entire civilization in a few bites and answer voicemails from subscribers.

Show Outline

Introduction

Stuff That’s Good

Kyle likes Pandemic Hot Zone.

Ethan likes Jason Brubaker.

Also mentioned: Ethan Nicolle, Jason Brubaker and Doug TenNapel once did a podcast.

Weird News

Swarm of flying ants spreads across London, Kent and Sussex

Man unearths 'witch bottle' with teeth inside - but is urged to 'put it back'

Frustrated in lockdown? Send your scream to Iceland. Wait, what?

Man throws 19 chopsticks into archery target for\Guinness record

Sea gull rescued with face mask wrapped around legs

Stories of the Week

Story 1

Walmart Now Requires All Shoppers To Wear Pants

Summary: In a move that's being called "unprecedented tyranny," Walmart is now requiring all shoppers to wear pants in their stores.

But really, Walmart told everyone to wear masks in their stores.

  • Shout out to Jimmy Humphrey for submitting the headline idea

Story 2

Nick Cannon Quits 'Masked Singer': 'I Need To See A Person's Skin Color Before I Pass Judgment'

Summary: Nick Cannon has stepped down from his position as host of The Masked Singer, saying he doesn't know how to judge someone's singing voice without first seeing the color of their skin. The move comes just days after Cannon totally owned white people on his podcast, calling them "sick animals," and "rotten little mountain people."

Hey, that last part is mostly true! Cannon was fired by ViacomCBS for crazy anti-white, anti-semitic comments. Though he was not fired by Masked Singer.

Story 3

10 Safety Tips For Going Back To Church

Topic of the Week

Fulfilled Babylon Bee Prophecies

Hate Mail

We are serenaded by someone who doesn’t like what we do. Give his video some likes and positive comments. The world would be a better place if people who disagreed with each other created stuff instead of destroying stuff.

Subscriber Portion: Mailbag and CHIRPS

A subscriber mailed The Bee some bug chips. And two other subscribers sent The Bee audio questions, so Kyle and Ethan dive into the mailbag!

To watch or listen to the full podcast, become a subscriber at https://babylonbee.com/plans.

Jul 24, 2020
Kira Davis talks White Guilt, JK Rowling, and COVID Christianity
01:27:10

This is the Babylon Bee Interview Show.

Kyle and Ethan welcome back Kira Davis! They discuss how white people are making black people feel awkward in an effort to stamp out racism, J.K. Rowling and the TERF wars, and how the rules of Quidditch make no sense to our resident expert on games, Kyle Mann.  

Topics Discussed

  • White people making black people feel awkward to stamp out racism
  • Accepting doughnuts from strangers
  • Poisoned Halloween candy
  • Black people who support Donald Trump
  • COVID lockdowns and civil disobedience
  • Churches trying to navigate the lockdowns and being a voice in the community
  • The Walking Dead and creepy horror movies
  • J.K. Rowling and TERF wars
  • Sexuality, social contagion, and making life-changing decisions at age 12
  • Looking for identity in brands and labels
  • Old tweets coming back to haunt people
  • The rules of Quidditch don’t make sense to Kyle
  • Enjoying entertainment without agreeing with all of the creator’s personal ideologies
  • Christians in Hollywood and Kira’s unhealthy obsession with celebrity culture

Subscriber Portion

  • The Ten Questions
  • Kira tells an insane story involving a spider in her garage

To watch or listen to the full podcast, become a subscriber at https://babylonbee.com/plans.

Jul 21, 2020
Bully Culture, Bible Adventures, and Boogaloo Skunks
01:09:00

This is the Babylon Bee weekly news podcast special episode for 7/17/2020.

In this week’s episode of the Babylon Bee podcast, Kyle and Ethan talk about the week’s big stories like Christian knockoffs of secular products being bad, people on the right side of history who are on the wrong side of God, boogaloo skunks, and how are current culture is just the free market of people's fists meeting other people's faces.

Show Outline

Introduction

Welcome to The Babylon Bee podcast with your hosts Kyle Mann and Ethan Nicolle, the two funnymen behind a lot of the stuff you read on The Babylon Bee. They’re not as funny here as they are when they write satire, so get used to disappointment.

Stuff That’s Good

Stuff that’s good update: Kyle is finishing up Avatar The Last Airbender and it’s amazing

Kyle likes  Journey to the Center of the Earth

Ethan likes Blood Father 

Weird News

Dog left 'looking like alpaca' after biting pet groomer halfway through haircut

Shopper spotted using paper bag as face covering - and others have used knickers

​​​​​​​Family found man declared 'dead' still alive after breaking into hospital morgue

Pizza Shop Owner Thwarts Robbery By Tossing Pie At Suspect

Sealed copy of 'Super Mario Bros.' auctioned for a record $114,000

Mysterious 'vampire-slaying kit' including pistol and knife up for auction

Stories of the Week

Story 1

Man On Right Side Of History Surprised To Find He Still Went To Hell

Summary: A local progressive was very careful to only advocate for the most progressive politics and be an activist for all the popular new social justice causes. So, since he was so clearly on the right side of history, he was very surprised to find after he died that he still went to hell.

Story 2

Op-Ed: There's No Such Thing As Bully Culture, It's Just My Fist's Free Market Response To Your Stupid Face, Dweeb

Summary: Local lunch money thief and wedgie specialist Biff O’Doyle wrote in a recent op-ed that Bully Culture is not real -quote- ‘It’s just my fist’s free-market response to your stupid face, dweeb’ -end quote

tory 3

Here's What's Problematic With Each Of The NFL's 32 Team Names

Well, the PC police have come for the Redskins. But we at The Babylon Bee feel they did not go far enough. There is white supremacy and racism everywhere in the NFL, with every single team in the league having some kind of offensive stereotype in their name.

We hereby call on every team in the league to change their name for the following reasons.

Topic of the Week

Why is Christian stuff so bad?

Hate Mail

We get a reponse to a sponsored newsletter blast speaking out against antifa and get accused of being Christo-fascists.

Subscriber Portion

  • Kyle and Ethan dive into the mailbag!
  • Bonus weird news filled with projectile penguin poop

Also mentioned: Ethan Nicolle’s awesome animated music video Lunaractive-Mission To The Moon

To watch or listen to the full podcast, become a subscriber at https://babylonbee.com/plans.

Jul 17, 2020
The Woke Cult: The James Lindsay Interview
01:13:39

This is the Babylon Bee Interview Show.

In this episode of The Babylon Bee Podcast, editor-in-chief Kyle Mann and creative director Ethan Nicolle talk to James Lindsay, one of the actors involved with the Greivance Study Papers affair in which they got a bunch of peer-reviewed papers published by inserting woke language into stuff they just made up. They talk about the cult of wokeness, its ideology and its tactics, and also about how the landscape of Christianity is kind of like Narnia to an atheist. 

Lindsay’s latest book with Helen Pluckrose is Cynical Theories: How Activist Scholarship Made Everything about Race, Gender, and Identity―and Why This Harms Everybody and is available for pre-order.

Topics Discussed

  • The State of academia and the workplace

  • White fragility

  • Brown fragility

  • White neurosis and the ‘racial cray-cray’

  • Minoritized

  • Building a bullet train to the bad old times

  • Woke-ism as a new or replacement religion and its parallels with cults

  • NewDiscourses.com and James’ ever-changing encyclopedia of work terminology

  • Finding identities that unify everyone in religion (supernaturally) or nationally or in humanity (naturally) vs. fracturing over identity groups that must speak “authentically” or else get cancelled

  • Politically black vs racially black?

  • Why does BLM want to eliminate the western nuclear family?

  • The academic origins of intersectionality, critical theory, etc.

  • Traditional theory and critical theory- the normative vision and seeking out problematics

  • Wokeness from false consciousness

  • Atheists and Christians are friends now?

  • The left eating itself- the fracturing of critical theory and trans/queer theory and post-colonial theory- Subscriber Portion

  • Quizzing James Lindsay on woke terms in his encyclopedia

  • Critical theory meets the church i.e. Emerging Church 2.0 (More institutionally powerful and worse)

  • The Ten Questions

To watch or listen to the full podcast, become a subscriber at https://babylonbee.com/plans.

Jul 15, 2020
Birthday Party On Mars
01:05:03

This is the Babylon Bee weekly news podcast special episode for 7/10/2020.

Editor-in-Chief Kyle Mann and Creative Director Ethan Nicolle are joined by The Babylon Bee Senior Writer Frank J. Fleming to talk about the week’s big stories.  Frank has a new book Superego: Fathom which is a sequel to Superego.  They talk about the week’s big stories like Kanye West declaring a run for the Presidency, how modern Americans are definitely morally superior to slaveowners from 200 years ago, and why a Russian grandmother was caught smearing poo on playground swings.  They also talk about how the rich and the powerful can say whatever they want and then in the subscriber portion talk about all of Frank’s problematic writings.

Show Outline

Introduction

Kyle and Ethan come down from their high of celebrating freedom by almost blowing themselves up and letting their kids play with fire.

Weird News

Driver fights off snake with just a knife and seatbelt while speeding at 76mph

 

Germany goes nuts over sausage vending machines

 

Alligator with missing limbs shows up on Florida family's porch

 

 

Escaped pigs cause traffic chaos on Virginia highway

 

Cat falls asleep in washing machine and miraculously survives 12-minute cycle

 

Woman, 90, caught smearing 'poo' on children's swings in bizarre protest

  • Stomach-churning footage shows an elderly woman smearing what appears to human faeces on a children's swing she wants removed.
  • Gavin Newsom could do this. Layering the skateparks with excrement.

Married woman, 32, used doctored baby scans bought on eBay to fool her 18-year-old lover into thinking he was the father of her child and let his family bring the boy up as one of their own

Stuff That’s Good

Kyle likes Robot Jox.

Ethan likes The Napoleon of Notting Hill by Chesterton.

Frank likes Hamilton.

Stories of the Week

Story 1 - Kanye West Seizes Opportunity To Be Most Rational, Coherent Presidential Candidate

Summary: Noticing a lack of rational, coherent, sane presidential candidates, Kanye West announced this weekend that he will be running for president. The move surprised everyone who hasn't been paying attention to 2020 at all so far.

The real story: Kanye West actually announced his presidential run -- though it’s not clear if he can actually still run.

Story 2 - Nation That Kills 3,000 Babies A Day Feels Morally Superior To Slaveowners From 200 Years Ago

Summary: Leftists who support killing 3,000 babies a day were trying to virtue-signal but quickly ran into a problem: there's no one alive to whom they can feel morally superior. So, the movement was forced to look to people from 200 years ago to find someone they could somewhat credibly criticize for moral failings: slave owners

  • What is it about humanity that makes us think the sins of other ages are so much worse than the sins of our age?
  • Most people go with the crowd, how do you know you would not?
  • It is like Chesteron’s picture of the cad who climbs up to the top of a castle turret then kicks down all ladders that got him there. 
  • Real abolitionists who paid the price at the time 

Story 3 - New App Reminds You To Look Up From Your Phone To Check If Your Kids Are Still Alive

Summary: The tech world is abuzz after the announcement of a new smartphone app that could save millions of lives. The new app, called Kid-Alyve, will remind parents to look up from their phones every so often to confirm that their children are still breathing.

-Parenting is crazy

Topic of the Week

Cancel Culture / Harper’s Letter

Hate Mail

LOVE MAIL

Subscriber Portion

Bonus Frank Stories And The Ten Questions

Story 1

Innovative New Process Turns Vegetables into Meat by Feeding Them to Cows

Story 2

Superman Criticized for Unrealistic Portrayal of Journalist as Heroic

Story 3

Retraction: Those Kids We Accused Of Holding A KKK Rally Were Actually Just Playing Duck, Duck, Goose

 

Jul 10, 2020
Christian In Portland: The Drew Dyck Interview
44:58

This is the Babylon Bee Interview Show.

Editor-in-chief Kyle Man and creative director Ethan Nicolle talk to Drew Dyck about whether criminals are real, being saved from a life of stealing deodorant, and invading Canada. Drew is an acquisitions editor at Moody Publishers and a contributing editor at CTPastors.com, a Christianity Today publication for church leaders. He’s the author of Your Future Self Will Thank You: Secrets to Self-Control from the Bible and Brain Science, Yawning at Tigers: You Can’t Tame God, So Stop Trying, and Generation Ex-Christian: Why Young Adults Are Leaving the Church…and how to Bring Them Back.

Topics Discussed

  • Sending your book ideas to Drew
  • Arguing with people on Twitter about abolishing the police and whether criminals are a thing
  • Spicing up your testimony by stealing deodorant
  • Milk in a bag
  • The weirdest thing about Canada
  • Portland is stuck in the 90s/Portlandia
  • On the difference between a beat poet and a slam poet
  • When bookstores were a thing
  • Christian stores bestselling “Jesus junk”
  • Where ANTIFA will set up their gulags
  • God isn’t safe but he’s good, like Aslan
  • Self-control in everything but buying Drew’s books
  • Mental illness in the church
  • Remembering the Emerging Church movement
  • What’s better: fur babies or actual babies
  • Writers retreats never help
  • On not psychologizing your opponents
  • The Ten Questions

To watch or listen to the full length podcast, become a paid subscriber at https://babylonbee.com/plans

Jul 07, 2020
The Suicide Of Thought
01:09:43

This is the Babylon Bee weekly news podcast special episode for 7/3/2020.

This episode is brought to you by Faithful Counseling. Bee listeners get 10% off!

In this episode of The Babylon Bee podcast, editor-in-chief Kyle Mann and creative director Ethan Nicolle talk about the week’s big stories like a man being fined £450 for provocative intestinal wind, the fallen world we live in where The Princess Bride is possibly being remade, and how doctors are recommending we keep opening up and closing the economy until we all go insane. In the main topic, they read G.K. Chesterton's ideas on the suicide of thought.

In the subscriber portion, Kyle and Ethan dive in into the mail bag, talk about their years in ministry, and bring in producer Dan so that they all can answer the ten questions.

Show Outline

Introduction

Kyle and Ethan return from the warm, sunny beaches of Florida to churn out another podcast. We have an update on the 'Best of the Bee' book.

Weird News

Stuff That’s Good

Kyle likes Dead Cells the video game.

Ethan likes WACO on Netflix.

Stories of the Week

Story 1

Equality At Last: Disney Confirms Winnie The Pooh Will Now Be Voiced By An Actual Bear

Summary: In order to ensure that voice actors only portray characters they actually look like, Disney announced this week that Winnie the Pooh will now be voiced by an actual bear.

The real story: Several voice actors have stopped voicing characters that are not the same race they are. The Simpsons, Big Mouth, American Dad, Cleveland Show.

Story 2

Doctors Recommend Locking Down And Reopening Repeatedly Until Everyone Has Nervous Breakdown

Summary: A survey of leading physicians unanimously agreed that the best response to COVID-19 is for the government to lock everything down, then reopen, then lock down again, then reopen again and to just keep doing that until everyone completely loses their minds.

Story 3

Merciful God Vows To End Humanity Before 'The Princess Bride' Can Be Remade

Summary: Upon rumors of a remake of The Princess Bride, a spokesperson for the Almighty God confirmed that He will end the world in fire before He would ever allow that to happen.

Topic of the Week

Kyle and Ethan read a portion of G.K. Chesterton's Orthodoxy on the suicide of thought and discuss its relevance in our times of constant revolutionary agitation. 

Hate Mail

Someone went to home depot and bought a whole bunch of flowerbeds.

Subscriber Portion

Kyle and Ethan dive into the mail bag, talk about their years in ministry, and have producer Dan join them to answer the ten questions. Subscribers, get to know the Bee boys.

 

Jul 03, 2020
Growing Up Hinn: The Costi Hinn Interview
38:57

Editor-in-chief Kyle Mann and creative director Ethan Nicolle talk to Costi Hinn, nephew of notorious faith healer Benny Hinn. After leaving that ministry behind, Costi Hinn is now a pastor at Redeemer Bible Church in Gilbert, Arizona. He is the author of God, Greed, and the (Prosperity) Gospel. They talk about Costi’s childhood living large like a Kardashian, learning about a different gospel from a pink study bible, and what goes on behind the scenes of a prominent prosperity gospel ministry.

Topics Discussed

  • Going straight into the deep end of Calvinism because of a pink MacArthur study bible
  • A day in the life of Benny Hinn- what’s it like to have a personal duster?
  • On growing up as a Hinn was a Kardashian lifestyle
  • The prosperity gospel vs the Biblical gospel
  • On batting 0.068 slaying people in the spirit and only “healing” one guy
  • What went on behind the scenes at these healing events?
  • Not raising a hand against the Lord’s Anointed, even if they happen to be creeps just claiming to have the anointing
  •  On whether prosperity health-and-wealth healers sincerely believe their own message or if they just cashing in
  • On Benny Hinn’s occasional “repentance” on the prosperity gospel
  • New wave prosperity preachers and the old generals
  • The Ten Questions

See also: Benny Hinn is my uncle, but Prosperity Gospel is not for me

A few Babylon Bee articles on Benny Hinn:

Benny Hinn Holds Healing Service In Full Hazmat Suit

Benny Hinn Loses Control Of Powers, Sends Audience Member Soaring Hundreds Of Feet Into Air

Benny Hinn Spends Another Long Day At Children's Hospital Healing Kids

Benny Hinn Attempts Jedi Mind Trick On IRS Agents Investigating His Ministry

Benny Hinn Miraculously Removes Lump From Woman's Purse

Benny Hinn Added To 'Smash Bros.' Roster

Benny Hinn Masterfully Knocks Down Audience Members Arranged In Notoriously Difficult 7–10 Split

I Honestly Can Not Believe I'm Still Getting Away With This

To watch or listen to the full length podcast, become a paid subscriber at https://babylonbee.com/plans

Jun 30, 2020
Cops, Kanye, And Candace With Kira Davis
49:19

In this episode of The Babylon Bee podcast, editor-in-chief Kyle Mann and creative director Ethan Nicolle welcome guest host Kira Davis who is editor-at-large at RedState. They talk about the difference between protesting and rioting, some problems Kira sees with the approach of Candace Owens, and how we need to have a reality show where everyone gets stuck in an elevator with someone they hate until we achieve world peace.

In the subscriber portion, Kyle, Ethan, and Kira talk about Black Lives Matter (as an organization and as a movement), where peace is found in this world, how Kanye is buying up Wyoming, serial killers, sending kids off to college, and that Trump photo-op with the Bible.

Kira can be regularly heard on her podcast Just Listen To Yourself.

Pre-order the new Babylon Bee Best-Of Coffee Table Book coming in 2020! Get a Sneak Peak!

Send your emails to podcast@babylonbee.com and maybe we will answer you in our next Mailbag segment!

Show Outline

Introduction

Kyle, Ethan, and Kira talk about the weird “pacman” masks that allow the coronavirus conscious person to eat out at their favorite restaurant and how Kyle has never seen a Tarantino movie.  

Main Topics

Paid-subscriber portion

  • Black Lives Matter
  • Trump Photo Op 

Also mentioned on the podcast: Just Listen To Yourself With Kira Davis- Episode 37- Black Lives Matter

To watch or listen to the full length podcast, become a paid subscriber at https://babylonbee.com/plans

Jun 26, 2020
Civil War, Socialism, And The Simpsons: The Dinesh D'Souza Interview
43:18

Kyle and Ethan talk to Dinesh D’Souza. He has been called a far right provocateur and is a filmmaker and the author of several books, most recently United States of Socialism. They talk about socialism, identity politics, and whether or not it’s okay to laugh at Apu.

Watch or listen to this episode on our podcast page, where subscribers can find full length episodes, or over on our YouTube channel. Subscribe using your favorite podcast platform here.

Pre-order the new Babylon Bee Best-Of Coffee Table Book coming in 2020! Get a Sneak Peak!

Topics Discussed

  • Dinesh gives a rundown on the new socialists

  • What’s the difference between identity socialism and classic socialism?

  • Socialists abandoning the working class

  • The decline of Christianity in the culture and the rise of a new religion in the Left

  • Virtue signalling versus actual virtue

  • Debating libs vs debating atheists

  • Dinesh’s new book and what it’s all about

  • Is it okay to laugh at Apu?

  • Defending morphing Abraham Lincoln’s face into Donald Trump’s

  • Dating Ann Coulter

Paid-subscriber portion

  • The Ten Questions

To watch or listen to the full length podcast, become a paid subscriber at https://babylonbee.com/plans

Jun 23, 2020
Flashlights And Duct Tape With Brent Mann
01:16:43

In this episode of The Babylon Bee Podcast, Kyle and Ethan celebrate the one year anniversary of the show and welcome Kyle’s dad, Brent, for Father’s Day. They talk shop about duct tape, flashlights, initialisms, rocket science, and dad hacks. They also dive into the week's news stories. Kyle and Ethan enlighten Brent on what CHAZ or CHOP is, and then discuss Elon Musk's quest to occupy Mars, and an aerospace engineer’s perspective on seeing God in creation.

Pre-order the new Babylon Bee Best-Of Coffee Table Book coming in 2020! Get a Sneak Peak!

Send your emails to podcast@babylonbee.com and maybe we will answer you in our next Mailbag segment!

Show Outline

Introduction

Today on The Babylon Bee Podcast, we welcome Brent Mann, Kyle’s dad. It’s Father’s Day and we celebrate the Babylon Bee Podcast’s one year anniversary!

Stuff That’s Good

Kyle likes Avatar: The Last Airbender.

Ethan likes Rifftrax.

Brent likes Columbo. Remember Columbo?

Weird News

Story 1

Trump Enacts Tariffs, Travel Ban On CHAZ

Summary: Trump has announced a new set of tariffs and a travel ban on CHAZ, escalating the trade war between the United States and the fledgling nation-state.

The real story:  An "autonomous zone" or Occupy Protest and sprung up in Seattle complete with warlords, speech codes, segregated gardens, calls for foreign aid from its capitalist neighbors, and brutal community policing tactics.

Story 2

Study: Average Father Spends 97% Of Time Running Around House Turning Lights Off

Summary: A new study of fatherhood in America found that the average dad spends up to 97% of his time running around the house turning off lights that the rest of the family left on.

The real story: Kyle's dad has an ingenious solution to teach your kids to not leave the lights on.

Topic of the Week

It's Father's Day! Kyle, Ethan, and aerospace engineer Brent (Kyle's Dad) talk about all sorts of stuff like dad jokes, initialisms and acronyms, Brent's work on the Space Shuttle program, Elon Musk's amazing space feats, and a few of Brent's fatherly quirks like how he carries a really old cell phone in a ziplock bag.

Hate Mail

A recent article made some very overworked and stressed booksellers very angry.

Subscriber Portion

Ethan and Brent talk bladder blabber when Kyle leaves the room, and then they continue going through Brent's box of stuff he brought in, and finish by talking about more dad hacks and stories, including the time when Brent acted out a scene from The Bourne Identity to chase down a bicycle thief.

Also mentioned on the podcast: Fingerprint of God: Recent Scientific Discoveries Reveal the Unmistakable Identity of the Creator by Hugh Ross

To watch or listen to the full length podcast, become a paid subscriber at https://babylonbee.com/plans

Jun 19, 2020
Fly Fornication And Other Puritan Names: The Dustin Benge & Nate Pickowicz Interview
51:08

Things get downright puritanical when Kyle and Ethan talk to Nate Pickowicz and Dustin Benge about their new book The American Puritans. Dustin is Provost and lecturer and Union School of Theology and Nate is pastor of Harvest Bible Church. Dustin and Nate talk about the inspiration that they draw today from the lives of these men and women and their religious movement in church history while Kyle and Ethan try to figure out why someone would name their kid ‘If-Christ-had-not-died-for-thee-thou-hadst-been-damned’ and whether it’s true that Puritans invented tablecloths to cover up scandalous table legs.  

Topics Discussed

  • The difference between Puritans and Pilgrims

  • Puritan theology: Are sinners in the hands of an angry God?

  • Myth or fact: Puritan edition

  • Puritans’ favorite alcoholic beverage

  • Some church history of the Puritans in England and in America

  • Strange Puritan names like ‘Praise-God’ and ‘Fly Fornication’

  • People walking stark naked through church and cutting off Quaker ears

  • Some of the Puritans highlighted in their new book The American Puritans

  • Kyle and Ethan provoke some baptist answers to The Ten Questions in the Subscriber Portion!

To watch or listen to the full length podcast, become a paid subscriber at https://babylonbee.com/plans

Jun 16, 2020
Not All Cops
01:20:54

In this episode of The Babylon Bee podcast, editor-in-chief Kyle Mann and creative director Ethan Nicolle talk about the biggest stories of the week like how religious gathers and pretending to be protests so they can meet, our recent feud over putting Trump in an AWANA vest, and how all of a sudden defunding the police became a national talking point. Detective Dan from Small Town Dicks joins Kyle and Ethan to talk all about it.

In the subscriber portion, subscribers get to listen to Kyle and Ethan continue their conversation with Detective Dan!

Pre-order the new Babylon Bee Best-Of Coffee Table Book coming in 2020! Get a Sneak Peak!

Send your emails to podcast@babylonbee.com and maybe we will answer you in our next Mailbag segment!

Show Outline

Introduction

Kyle's dad burns podcasts onto CDs and Ethan diagnoses depression in dads stemming from how children handle blu ray discs.

Stuff That’s Good

Kyle likes O.C. Supertones album For the Glory

Ethan likes Mac Smith’s Scurry.

This News Is Weird

Man charged with assault after thrown pickle hits Vermont highway worker

Peruvian mayor poses as corpse to avoid arrest for flouting coronavirus lockdown, reports say

Ocean Just as Gross as You Thought: Filled with Mucus

Doctors remove mobile phone charger from man's bladde

Crayola launches skin tone crayons so 'all kids can colour themselves

Seagull flies into woman's house and vomits on her kitchen counter

Stories of the Week

Story 1 

Clever Churchgoers Avoid Arrest By Disguising Themselves As Rioters
Summary: Many churches still aren’t gathering in person but several congregations came up with a clever way to avoid arrest for gathering against government orders: disguising themselves as rioters.

The real story: Governments seemed to be going hard after churches and other things deemed non-essential, but anything related to protesting was fine.

  • Originally a satire of how apparently COVID wasn’t a concern for anything related to the protest.

  • A thousand medical experts signed an open letter supporting public gathering for protests stating that “white supremacy contributes to COVID and is a lethal public health issue

  • Churches were/are still fighting to open and trying to comply with lots of extra rules they needed to follow such as limited capacity, masks, no physical contact, some were saying no communion elements, no singing.

  • A prophecy fulfilled. A group of Hasidic youth in NYC put up a George Floyd sign so that they could not be shut down by the cops for their religious gathering. 

Story 2

Trump Shows Off Completed Awana Vest

Summary: President Trump and Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi are firing Bible photo ops back and forth, as you would expect politicians to be doing at a time like this. But Trump won the contest of Bible knowledge by showing off his completed Awana Sparks vest.

The real story: Trump decided to walk across the street from the White House to the Episcopalian church St. John’s (“The church of the Presidents”) which rioters had set on fire the night before. He did this as a show of resolve against the lawlessness which would lead to the burning of churches.  He drew criticism for supposedly using police to drive away protestors with “teargas” for the photo op and for the way he stood in front of the church and held up the Bible like it was a political prop. 

  • We decided to poke fun of the pandering-ness and the Bible being used as a prop by Trump and then Pelosi and then Cuomo all suddenly being experts on the Bible in all these weird public events quoting verses and making the Bible agree with their side

  • We put an AWANA vest on Trump, which prompted an email from AWANA communications chief asking us to immediately pull it down as it was “beyond satire” and how they didn’t want their vest to be on Donald Trump. They threatened to sue us if we didn’t comply.

  • Seth put AWANA on blast on Twitter

  • We learned Monday that they would NOT be pursuing a lawsuit

  • Kyle's Awana stories!

  • Ethan just hated Awana  

Story 3 

Los Angeles Police To Undergo Intensive Socially Conscious Slam Poetry Training 

Summary: As public demand for comprehensive police reform grows, the LAPD is leading the way by training its officers in socially conscious slam poetry.

The Real Story: BLM protests are demanding #DefundThePolice… the details are vague but it sounds like they want to get rid of the police altogether in some instances.

  • Marriane Williamson has a great tweet about the ex-cops starting ISIS.

  • Minneapolis Mayor Jacob Frey was publicly mocked and shamed at a protest when he refused to say he would abolish the police..

    • Here is his walk of shame. “Go Home Jacob!” “Shame! Shame!”

    • The Minneapolis city council just voted 9-3 vowing to DISBAND their city police department and council president Lisa Bender told crowds that these 9 members were “committed to ending the city’s relationship with the police force and “to end policing as we know it and recreate systems that actually keep us safe.”

      • Has this been done anywhere before?  Camden, NJ

      • “ the city's police department was disbanded and replaced with a new one covering Camden County that had more officers, but on lower pay, according to a City Lab report.”

  • A CNN anchor, Aislyn Camerota asked city council President Lisa Bender “who do I call when someone breaks into my house?” and she  said that that question comes from a place of privilege 

  • She later went on Chris Cuomo’s Prime time and said a "police free future" is "the goal."

  • We also did a CFA joke, but Ethan hates them. 

Topic of the Week

Detective Dan of Small Town Dicks joins Kyle and Ethan to talk about all the police issues facing the nation. Dan was formerly a K9 handler and Violent Crimes detective at the same Small Town police department as his twin brother Dave, who also hosts the podcast with Yeardlley Smith of the Simpsons. Dan regards his years as a K9 handler to be the most rewarding of his career. He is now retired. They discuss misconceptions about the police and discuss changes we need to make to serve and protect everyone.

Hate Mail

We get an email filled with flowerbeds.

Paid-subscriber portion

Kyle and Ethan continue their conversation with Detective Dan.

To watch or listen to the full length podcast, become a paid subscriber at https://babylonbee.com/plans

 

Jun 12, 2020
Liberty For Lil' Ones: The Connor Boyack Interview
52:14

Kyle and Ethan talk to Connor Boyack!  Connor Boyack is president and founder of the Libertas Institute. He is best known for writing the Tuttle Twins series of books, which focus on introducing kids to the ideas of liberty and the free market. Kyle and Ethan talk about weed-smoking Mormons, how many wives a man can have in an anarchist utopia, and pouring libertarian fertilizer on the saplings rather than trying to save the old, diseased statist trees. 

Topics Discussed

  • What are the Tuttle Twins series of books about

  • What is Libertarianism all about and what on earth is the deal with the Libertarian Party

  • Does a libertarian Mormon smoke weed?

  • Indoctrinating children with foreign ideas like "liberty" and introducing them to books by dead white guys

  • Isn’t it a bad idea to teach children about liberty since as parents we want to tell them what to do?

  • How many wives would each man be allowed to have in a libertarian utopia?

  • The polygamy case, where children were taken from their parents, that Connor worked on

  • The ten questions!

To watch or listen to the full length podcast, become a paid subscriber at https://babylonbee.com/plans

Jun 09, 2020
The Cheesecake Of Justice
01:18:16

In this episode of The Babylon Bee podcast, editor-in-chief Kyle Mann and creative director Ethan Nicolle talk about the biggest stories of the week like our cities burning down, the most righteous heroes of the riots, SpaceX scrubbing a launch because of a nosy Karen, and all our politicians suddenly became Bible experts overnight.  Be sure to stick around for the main topic where two white guys decide to talk about critical race theory in the church and society, because why not? 

In the subscriber portion, subscribers get to listen to Kyle and Ethan dive headfirst into the mailbag and talk about even more stories!

Pre-order the new Babylon Bee Best-Of Coffee Table Book coming in 2020! Get a Sneak Peak!

Send your emails to podcast@babylonbee.com and maybe we will answer you in our next Mailbag segment!

Show Outline

Introduction

We are out of quarantine and into curfew, but at least we have new swag for the office.

Stuff That’s Good

Kyle likes Brave Ollie Possum: the audio book.

Ethan likes his own Spotify playlist: Every Song Is Perfect.

This News Is Weird

'The bird is free': India 'releases Pakistani pigeon held on spying charges'

Knocking on Florida couple's door were two alligators fighting 

Monkeys attack lab worker, steal COVID-19 blood test samples 

Turtle crashes through windshield on Georgia highway

Scientists say they went 'cuckoo' due to laughing gas from penguin poo

Five-year-old pulled over by cops on his way to buy a Lamborghini

Stories of the Week

Story 1 

Powerful: Protesters Spell Out 'Love' With Burning Homes And Businesses

Summary: In a powerful display of love and tolerance, peaceful protesters in Minneapolis burned several city blocks so the fire would read “LOVE” from the air. Wow. Such love. Much peace.

The real story: Riots have engulfed the country. It seems like overnight COVID-19 disappeared and were replaced with absolute mayhem everywhere. The riots are over the wrongful death of George Floyd, who was killed by a police officer who had his knee on his neck for nine minutes. (We’ll discuss more in the main topic.)

  • Top 10 heroes of the riots

  • Somehow Chris Matthews and Chris Hanson both make an appearance

Story 2

SpaceX Launch Scrubbed After Local Karen Calls The Cops

Summary: SpaceX had tried to launch a rocket but was forced to scrub the launch after a local Karen called the cops, reporting that people were outside doing things and she did not like it.

The real story: If ever there were a good time to leave Earth…

SpaceX did have a scrubbed launch but then launched for real later in the week. Its module successfully docked with the ISS. 

Story 3 

Trump, Pelosi Face Off In Intense Game Of Bible Jeopardy 

Topic of the Week

Critical Race Theory in the church / racial divides in church culture

There have been some strange reactions in the Evangelical world to this whole situation. 

  • Some funny/interesting reactions from inside and outside the church: 

    • Matt Walsh posted a video of white people kneeling to black people: https://twitter.com/mattwalshblog/status/1267507181689192448?

    • Dean of Union Seminary: “What has alienated America from its very soul, thereby virtually normalizing violence against Black lives? Answer: whiteness itself.”  (link and soundbyte)

    • NBA Announcer fired for tweeting “All lives matter” (link) 

    • CRU (formerly Campus Crusade for Christ) is holding segregated prayer meetings  (link) 

    • NBA reporter cheers on burning down of low income housing but then calls rioters "animals" when they come around his neighborhood.

    • There is a blueprint for racial reconciliation being adopted by many in the evangelical Christian world that seems to come from something called Critical Theory, or Critical Race Theory. So what is it?

    • Yearning for justice points us to objective reality in Jesus Christ

Hate Mail

A man is concerned our story on the Constitution dying from coronavirus may cause confusion.

Paid-subscriber portion

Mailbag!

Kyle and Ethan answer some fair criticism about The Babylon Bee's coverage of Joe Biden.

Story 1

Oh No! The Scientist Gavin Newsom Has Been Listening To Is Actually A Bunch Of Raccoons Stuffed In A Lab Coat

Summary: Gavin Newsom has been listening to scientists throughout the pandemic, but it turns out the main scientist he was listening to is actually a bunch of raccoons in a lab coat. Sad!

  • Are we not listening to SCIENCE! Anymore now that there are progressive crowds out and about?

Story 2

Archaeologists Unearth Galilean Coffee Shop Where Jesus Held Small Group

Summary: Archaeologists have found one of the coolest Bible landmarks: the coffee shop in Galilee where Jesus and His disciples would hold their weekly small groups.

  • How would Jesus’s small group have been?

  • Small groups: yay or nay? What’s wrong with a good old-fashioned Bible study? Where’s the coolest place for a small group to hang out?

  • Small group horror stories

  • Subscribers, send us small group stories!

To watch or listen to the full length podcast, become a paid subscriber at https://babylonbee.com/plans

Jun 05, 2020
Save The Babies: The Lila Rose Interview
42:43

Kyle and Ethan talk to pro-life activist Lila Rose from Live Action about opposition to her organization, politicians gaslighting, and fostering a culture of life. Watch Kyle and Ethan get owned by facts and logic and be told their jokes are bad.

You can listen to Lila Rose on her new podcast: The Lila Rose Show

The Lila Rose Show explores questions about relationships, work, health, identity, purpose, and faith, with political and cultural commentary.

Also follow Live Action on Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, and YouTube.

Topics Discussed

  • Lila has a new podcast to promote

  • How did Live Action get started

  • Taking on Anti-Abortion “Lies”

  • Parenting challenges like when one child makes themself vomit all over the kitchen from scarfing down hot chocolate packets while you are attempting to have the smaller toddler have their nap time.

  • Pranking Planned Parenthood

  • Deciding on what is the funniest dog

  • When they lit up WTC One Pink to celebrate the new abortion bill in New York state that allows late third trimester abortions

  • Politicians gaslighting about how sacred life is despite their policies

  • Kyle and Ethan get jabbed at for their Protestantism in the subscriber portion when they ask Lila The Ten Questions.

To watch or listen to the full length podcast, become a paid subscriber at https://babylonbee.com/plans

Jun 02, 2020
Worship Song Generator
01:17:41

In this episode of The Babylon Bee podcast, editor-in-chief Kyle Mann and creative director Ethan Nicolle talk about the biggest stories of the week like how we now have an awesome worship song generator on the website now. Subscribers sent us their unsolicited recordings and they were so good we had to share. Kyle and Ethan bring in a guitar and try their hand at randomly generated worship songs. Also, Biden can now decide people's race and gender, Florida violates the laws of SCIENCE by not killing more of their citizens, and social media is cracking down on misleading avatars.

In the subscriber portion, subscribers get to listen to Kyle and Ethan go to the mailbag and answer some great questions from you, the subscribers.

Pre-order the new Babylon Bee Best-Of Coffee Table Book coming in 2020! Get a Sneak Peak!

Send your emails to podcast@babylonbee.com and maybe we will answer you in our next Mailbag segment!

Show Outline

Introduction

There's been an issue with the subscriber length podcast on downloader apps. If you are having trouble getting the full episode try deleting the URL and re-adding it.

Frank Fleming has a new book Superego: Fathom. Buy it!

Kyle reached the end of YouTube and Ethan got locked in a park.

Stuff That’s Good

Kyle likes American Gospel: Christ Alone which is a sobering, layman’s-level look at the prosperity gospel and how it has spread through the American church and beyond. Now available on Netflix.

Ethan likes Parry Gripp if you want your small kids to get good songs stuck in your head instead of bad songs.

This News Is Weird

Woman refuses to go on family walks after they invent disgusting 'poop tag' game

  •  There is nothing more humiliating than carrying warm dog poop around

Boy, 9, cries after mum surprises him with first McDonald's since lockdown 

‘Hitler’s Alligator’ Dies In Moscow Zoo At The Age Of 84

Boy, 6, Cracks Open Robbery Case By Reeling In Sunken Safe From Lake

Robot dog herds sheep in New Zealand

  • We finally get robots and this is what we do with them? Who wanted to replace dogs?

Kitten with two faces born in Oregon barn

  • A dog’s dream or nightmare?

Grizzly bear with white fur caught on camera in Canada 

  • It’s called a polar bear duh

Stories of the Week

Story 1

Biden: 'If You Don't Let Me Sniff Your Hair, You Ain't A Woman'

Summary: In a recent interview with a female reporter, Joe Biden suddenly lashed out, shouting, “Listen, if you don’t let me sniff your hair, you ain’t a woman!”

The real story: Speaking to Charlamagne tha God last Friday, Joe Biden said, “If you have a problem figuring out whether you’re for me or Trump, then you ain’t black.”

Biden is not alone among our political class in making wacky statements. 

Also mentioned: Ancestry.com Revokes Genealogies Of African Americans Who Don't Support Biden

Also also mentioned: To Save Time, The Babylon Bee Will Now Just Republish Everything Biden Says Verbatim

Story 2

Florida Ruled To Be In Violation Of Science For Not Having More People Die

Summary: Science says Florida should have seen skyrocketing deaths from COVID-19, but instead Florida has not seen anywhere near the number of problems faced by states like New York and New Jersey. Because of this a judge has ruled the state to be in violation of Science.

The real story: Governor Ron DeSantis was getting slammed in the media for a cautious, “lax” approach to the crisis, with people predicting a huge number of deaths in Florida. This disaster never happened. DeSantis focused his approach on the most vulnerable, like nursing homes, while other states like New York locked the elderly in with COVID-19 patients and restricted low-risk populations severely. People criticized him for opening beaches saying doom was sure to follow a few weeks later -- but this did not happen.

Florida: 2,200 deaths / 21,000,000 people

New York: 23,000 deaths / 19,500,000 people

  • How does Andrew Cuomo do such a bad job managing this thing and get away with it while Florida gets slammed while doing a great job?

  • The politicization of this virus is unfortunate. It doesn’t feel like other national crises we’ve faced where we all band together against the big, bad threat -- it feels like we’re hoping our political foes lose big time no matter the cost in human lives.

Story 3

Facebook To Begin Fact-Checking Misleading Avatars

Summary: Facebook announced today the social network will now be displaying a fact-check notice atop avatars that are an inaccurate portrayal of the user.

The real story: Facebook recently launched customizable avatars similar to Bitmojis and Apple’s Memojis. They tend to look nothing like the people creating them, whether intentionally or not.

  • Ethan is offended that they do not have truly obese options

  • The avatars are very trans-friendly in that you can mix male/female body types, whatever you want.

  • Kyle feels his avatar is fairly accurate though they didn’t have his misaligned tooth or his quarantine neck beard.

  • What’s the deal with avatars anyway? I guess it’s fun to see what you’d look like as some kind of generic mass-produced cartoon.

Topic of the Week

The Babylon Bee unveiled a new feature: the Worship Song Generator. A few of you actually recorded your songs!

  • Kyle and Ethan generate songs on the spot!

  • Fan submissions:

    • “Ten Bazillion Reasons To Sing” by Jaycie and Charis Chambers

    • “Insane, Scandalous, Reckless, Unstoppable” by Lacey and Raina Cornelsen

    • “Thundering Heaven Deluge” by Jeremiah Webster

    • “Eternal Body Ember” by Kevin Grant and Daniel Flores

  • What lyrics were pitched by the writers but didn't make it in?

Hate Mail

It is short and sweet this week, but we don't think these people used their real names.

Paid-subscriber portion

Mailbag: We pull back the curtain on what it’s like getting pseudo-famous on the internet in response to a question from Bee fan Calvin Haynes.

To watch or listen to the full length podcast, become a paid subscriber at https://babylonbee.com/plans

 

May 29, 2020
Apologetical Assassin: The Frank Turek Interview
38:34

Editor-in-chief Kyle Mann and creative director Ethan Nicolle talk to apologist Dr. Frank Turek. Dr. Turek is an author, public speaker and radio host. He is the author of two books (Correct, Not Politically Correct and Stealing from God) and co-author of two more with Norman Geisler (I Don't Have Enough Faith to Be an Atheist and Legislating Morality).He hosts a call-in talk show called CrossExamined on American Family Radio. His television show, I Don't Have Enough Faith to be an Atheist, airs on the NRB Network. Kyle and Ethan talk to Turek about bad atheist arguments, evidences for Christianity, and Ethan sings a special song inspired by the CrossExamined website logo.

Pre-order the new Babylon Bee Best-Of Coffee Table Book coming in 2020! Get a Sneak Peak!

Topics Discussed

  • Is Turek of any relation to Turok the dinosaur hunter?
  • Ethan asks Frank if he wants to hear a song he wrote for him. It gets intense.
  • Bad atheist arguments
  • Who would win in a fight?
  • If God is good and all-powerful, how could he allow the Star Wars Prequels to exist?
  • Are murder hornets ontologically bad?
  • What the evidences for the New Testament?

Subscriber Portion

Kyle and Ethan ask Frank Turek questions submitted by our subscribers and then give him The Ten Questions

To watch or listen to the full length podcast, become a paid subscriber at https://babylonbee.com/plans

May 26, 2020
Recalling Ravi
01:10:10

In this episode of The Babylon Bee podcast, editor-in-chief Kyle Mann and creative director Ethan Nicolle talk about the biggest stories of the week like teenage expert Greta Thunberg teaching everything now, Elon Musk being the real-life Tony Stark, and Biden hiring a translator to render his speech into plain English. Ravi Zacharias went on to glory so our topic of the week is recalling Ravi's impact as an apologist and ambassador of the Gospel. This episode gets emotional.

In the subscriber portion, subscribers get to listen to Kyle and Ethan continue their tribute to Ravi and talk about civility, humility, and forgiveness.

Pre-order the new Babylon Bee Best-Of Coffee Table Book coming in 2020! Get a Sneak Peak!

Send your emails to podcast@babylonbee.com and maybe we will answer you in our next Mailbag segment!

Show Outline

Introduction 

Ethan helps out a family. You can help out too at https://www.ethannicolle.com/post/helping-a-struggling-family

Stuff That’s Good

Kyle likes Seinfeld 23 Hours To Kill and Ethan likes Kerry Callen’s Super Antics and Halo & Sprocket

This News Is Weird

Alleged thieves wore watermelons over heads at grocery store

'Virtual Pub Quiz' sets Guinness record for YouTube streaming

French serial-killer 'expert' admits he made up his experience — even the murder of his nonexistent wife

Pentagon officially releases UFO videos

Massive asteroid flying past Earth next week looks like it's wearing a face mask

Stories of the Week

Story 1 

MasterClass Replaces All Instructors With Greta Thunberg

  • CNN added Greta to their panel of COVID-19 experts

  • Check out the new ad from MasterClass!

Story 2 

California Police Attempt To Arrest Elon Musk's Holographic Decoy As Real Musk Escapes On Rocket To Mars

  • Musk threatened he was leaving CA to another state

  • Musk threatened they were reopening their factory and to come and arrest him if they county insisted on trying to keep them closed

  • CA or the county of Merced backed off

  • Tweeted “Take the red pill”/but red rose is democratic socialism

  • Elon Musk speaks in parables and riddles, like Jesus

Story 3

Biden Campaign Hires Interpreter To Translate His Speeches Into English

  • Biden’s interpreter reached out and provided a handy key to help us understand Biden’s unique and endearing speech patterns. Here are a few of the examples that should help you next time you see a Biden speech.

Topic of the Week

Kyle and Ethan recall great teaching moments from Ravi Zacharias. 

Clips referenced:

Meaninglessness  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=03qR8b4P8Uk

Islam/forgiveness: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GmRCsXRassg&feature=youtu.be

Testimony: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yO8HWH7aq-s

Civility: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9MYQhFB_f4I

Humility: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f78Nr4P5KaE

Short tribute: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UP5NybBs0Ak

Another short tribute: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HSy4YtExaJg&t

Meaninglessness is self-defeating: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4i68mc1lMkc

Subjective moral reasoning: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0218GkAGbnU

Hate Mail

Going to video means we are beginning to get comments on our appearances and some conspiracy theories about Kyle.

Paid-subscriber portion

Ravi Zacharias still teaches Kyle and Ethan about forgiveness, subjective moral reasoning, humility, and civility.

To watch or listen to the full length podcast, become a paid subscriber at https://babylonbee.com/plans

May 22, 2020
China - Friend, Enemy, or Frenemy: The Tim Milosch Interview
01:04:13

In this episode of The Babylon Bee podcast, editor-in-chief Kyle Mann and creative director Ethan Nicolle talk to professor Tim Milosch about China and international politics. Tim Milosch is an adjunct professor of communication studies, teaching world politics at Biola University, and is currently pursuing a doctoral degree in political science studies at Claremont Graduate University. Did the virus start from someone eating some bad bat soup? Is the Great Wall really that great?  Are the Chinese a bunch of filthy commies? Who is General Tso? Find out by watching this new episode!

You can hear more from Tim on his podcast Tim Talks Politics.

Topics Discussed

  • Which jokes are not racist?
  • Who is General Tso?
  • The origins of the coronavirus
  • Who are the Chinese Communist Party?
  • China’s handling of its neighbors in the South Sea and refusal to recognize independence for Taiwan or Hong Kong
  • China making fake islands
  • Chinese propaganda
  • China cracking down on churches, demolishing buildings, arresting Christians

Subscriber Portion

Kyle and Ethan subject Tim Milosch to the ten questions and we find out if there is a Roman Catholic Carman!

May 20, 2020
My Son Built A Website And Got Two Life Sentences: The Lyn Ulbricht Interview
01:00:43

In this episode of The Babylon Bee podcast, editor-in-chief Kyle Mann and creative director Ethan Nicolle talk to Lyn Ulbricht, the mother of Ross Ulbricht who is currently serving two life sentences without the possibility of parole for creating Silk Road, which was essentially the libertarian Craigslist. Lyn Ulbricht heads up Free Ross, which is an organization that seeks criminal justice reform as well as Ross's freedom. They talk about Ross's case, excessive sentencing practices, and how Ross and Lyn have reconnected with Jesus during this whole series of events.

Topics Discussed

  • Who is Ross? What was he like before all this happened?

  • Silk Road

  • Ross's prosecution and sentencing

  • Ross's testimony about Christ giving hope in the midst of hard circumstances

Subscriber Portion

Kyle and Ethan try to break Lyn's brain with the ten questions.

Become a subscriber at babylonbee.com/plans

May 15, 2020
Kamikaze Bears And Economic Fallout
01:34:49

This episode is brought to you by Faithful Counseling. Click that link and get 10% off!

In this episode of The Babylon Bee podcast, editor-in-chief Kyle Mann and creative director Ethan Nicolle talk about the biggest stories of the week like the invasion of murder hornets, how a 30 second clip is dividing people, and the “if-it-just-saves-one-life” crowd supporting perpetual lockdown. Kira Davis, editor-at-large of RedState joins Kyle and Ethan for a bit and then Dr. Robert P. Murphy arrives to explain what in the world is going on with the economy under lockdown and how Christians should think more like an economist.  

In the subscriber portion, subscribers get to listen to Kyle and Ethan wax poetic on all the wonders of cheese with a G.K. Chesterton reading!

Send your emails to podcast@babylonbee.com and maybe we will answer you in our next Mailbag segment!

Pre-order the new Babylon Bee Best-Of Coffee Table Book coming in 2020!

Show Outline

Introduction 

Kyle’s vacation out of California rapidly descends into chaos as his car explodes and Ethan tries to one-up Kyle’s story.  

Stuff That’s Good

Kyle likes the In-N-Out Animal Style Fries & secret menu and Ethan likes The Steeldrivers (Chris Stapleton years).

This News Is Weird

Florida lizard breaks world poop record, dies constipated

Man walks into Dunkin Donuts with no mask — or pants

'Darth Vader' enforces lockdown in Philippine village

World’s biggest 5G tower installed on Mount Everest using yaks to lug ‘controversial’ equipment up tracks

French encouraged to eat more cheese as act of patriotism

Stories of the Week

Story 1 

Trump Retaliates Against Asian Murder Hornets With American Kamikaze Bears

  • Washington state is noticing a worrying new invasive species of Asian Giant Hornets called “Murder Hornets”

  • Are bears the deterrent we need to stop this unchecked aggression from the Far East lately?
  • What other options did Trump consider?
  •  

Story 2 

Asking For Context Of Thirty Second Video Revealed To Be Racist Dog Whistle

  • Ahmaud Aubrey was followed in a truck in an alleged citizen’s arrest by two whites, a father and son.

  • When one of the men tried to use a shotgun to force the man to comply, an altercation occurred, in which Ahmaud was killed.

  • Everyone is forming an opinion based on 30 seconds of footage- which looks really bad- but does it provide all the relevant data we need to decide guilt? Is it okay to ask questions?

  • The struggle of even talking about this civilly and the frustration felt by all people

Story 3

 'It's Worth It If It Saves Just One Life,' Says Woman Who Supports Abortion On Demand

  • Hypocrisy of the left on saving lives… trying to keep abortion clinics open and shutting everything else down

  • Obviously would have to shut down cities, get rid of cars, planes, subways… 

  • As if a permanent lockdown on the economy won’t cost lives in the long run.  Even now the UN is warning about 260 million marching to starvation worldwide as a result of the economy being shut down. What about those lives?

  • If we don’t get back to work and produce things, pretty soon we won’t be just watching netflix and ordering in pizza every night. Things will get bad for everyone.

  • Planned Parenthood’s bizarre tweet on Mother’s Day

Interview of the Week

Dr. Robert P Murphy joins Kyle and Ethan to help explain what in the world is going on with the economy. He breaks things down like Ethan is five and uses numerous lemonade stand analogies.  We had some issues on the skype video quality.

Love Mail/Hate Mail

We talk about how we are a racist trash fire.

Paid-subscriber portion 

Looking at Chesterton’s essay on cheese. Poets need to write more about cheese.

Become a paid subscriber at https://babylonbee.com/plans

 

May 13, 2020
Duck Killin' And Gospel Preachin': The Phil Robertson Interview
52:57

Editor-in-chief Kyle Mann and creative director Ethan Nicolle go on a roller coaster ride of an interview with outspoken Christian and duck hunter Phil Robertson of Duck Dynasty fame. He was quarantining before it was cool and he gives life lessons and gospel witness in this whirlwind episode.  They discuss free toilet paper you find in the woods, what the apostle Paul says about killing millions of ducks, and how sex, drugs, and rock 'n' roll don't satisfy. 

You can watch Phil's new show In The Woods With Phil on Blaze TV.

Pre-order the new Babylon Bee Best-Of Coffee Table Book coming in 2020! Get a Sneak Peak!

Topics Discussed

  • Having a camera crew living with your family

  • Being explicitly Christian in a public sphere

  • Living off in the woods all by yourself- quarantining before it was cool

  • Free toilet paper in the woods

  • Coming to Jesus and living by the good book

  • Phil's mouth is Noah's ark filled with two of every animal

  • Why we kill ducks and not geese

  • Putting down the pudding and picking up popcorn

This episode is available to watch in full for everyone as a celebration of the launch of our video podcasts.

Become a paid subscriber at https://babylonbee.com/plans

May 08, 2020
Real Moms Of The Babylon Bee
01:20:58

In this special mother's day episode of The Babylon Bee podcast, editor-in-chief Kyle Mann and creative director Ethan Nicolle are joined by their moms, Diane and Diane, to talk about the biggest stories of the week like celebrities being just like you, believe-all-women hypocrisy, and how expert predictions always go well.  Then, the biggest topic of the week, your mom.  We find out about what it was like having to raise Kyle and Ethan and whether or not it was worth it.

In the subscriber portion, subscribers get to keep listening to the two Dianes spill on all the really embarassing stories that they have on Kyle and Ethan. Kyle's mom brings in a treasure trove of old stuff Kyle made.

Send your emails to podcast@babylonbee.com and maybe we will answer you in our next Mailbag segment!

Pre-order the new Babylon Bee Best-Of Coffee Table Book coming in 2020!

Show Outline

Introduction -  Kyle and Ethan are joined by Kyle's mom Diane and introduce viewers to the new videocast.

Stuff That’s Good - 

Kyle - Disc golf

Ethan - Crooked Still

Weird news- 

Police in India reveal device to detain coronavirus lockdown violators without contact

Kentucky governor apologizes to Tupac Shakur for unemployment mix-up

Sign warns 'mystery human poo-er' to stop defecating on garage

Man takes 43 wet sponge hits to the face for Guinness record

Stories of the Week

Story 1 - Inspiring: Celebrities Spell Out 'We're All In This Together' With Their Yachts

With Americans feeling the financial pressure of millions of jobs lost, Celebrities joined together to bring hope to the nation by spelling “We’re all in this together” with their yachts

  • Patton Tweet

  • People who thought it was real

  • Hope police cars - PROPHECY REPORT cops got together to spell out HOPE with their cars and they really did that

Story 2 - Judge Dismisses Sexual Assault Allegations Against Biden On Grounds That He Is Not A Republican

At a prelimary hearing to establish evidence in the sexual assault allegations against Joe Biden, a federal judge dismissed all charges after the revelation that he was not a Republican.

Story 3 - Scientists Who Didn't Predict A Single Thing Accurately For Last Two Months Confident They Know What The Weather Is Going To Be Like In 100 Years

Authorities in the scientific community who touted faulty COVID-19 models confirmed today that they are "pretty confident" they know what the weather is going to be like in 100 years.

Kyle and Ethan play Name That Failed Prophecy!

Topic of the Week - Your Mom

  • Was it worth it? 

  • Weird/embarrassing stories from the kids’ youth (subscriber?)

  • What’s your favorite yo momma joke?

  • Parenting advice: you’re obviously great parents since you raised the minds behind The Babylon Bee. What is some advice you have for all the young mothers out there?

  • What was the worst part about raising (Ethan/Kyle)

  • What hopes and dreams were crushed the moment you became a parent

  • What do you do with all your free time now 

  • Kyle talks about his Christian upbringing. You didn’t let him watch movies like The Terminator or Friday the 13th, scarring him for life. What do you have to say for yourself?

  • Are there any interesting home remedies you found as a mother?

  • Tips for moms -- agree or disagree

Love Mail/Hate Mail-   We got some hate regarding this gem.

Paid-subscriber portion

Exclusive moms stuff

Subscribers, please send you emails to our mailbag at podcast@babylonbee.com so Kyle and Ethan can answer your questions or talk about the things you want to hear about.

Become a paid subscriber at https://babylonbee.com/plans

May 06, 2020
Cucumber For Christ: The Mike Nawrocki Interview
43:56

This is The Babylon Bee Interview Show.

Editor-in-chief Kyle Mann and creative director Ethan Nicolle talk to Larry the Cucumber voice and VeggieTales co-creator and Mike Nawrocki! Mike is a director, producer, writer, voice actor, animator, musician, puppeteer, and assistant professor of Film and Animation at Lipscomb University in Nashville, TN. Kyle, Ethan, and Mike give you the Babylon Bee exclusive behind-the-scenes look into the world of VeggieTales!

Mike is also the author of a series of children’s books called The Dead Sea Squirrels—out now!

You can find more from Mike Nawrocki at Facebook and Instagram.

Pre-order the new Babylon Bee Best-Of Coffee Table Book coming in 2020! Get a Sneak Peak!

If you are hurting financially right now, check out our $100,000 COVID relief fund set up by Seth Dillon which you can find out more about by contacting us at our website. If you need financial help contact us! Also donate if you are able to chip in to help!

Topics Discussed

  • How the original VeggieTales became a huge sensation

  • How Ethan ruined VeggieTales with In The House

  • Kyle and Ethan give Mike free creative advise and character ideas

  • Mike's new books The Dead Sea Squirrels

Subscriber Portion (Begins at 00:42:37)

  • Does he have any thoughts on Phil Vischer’s comments where he regrets aspects of VeggieTales?

  • Bacon Bill and MeatyTales

  • We get Larry the Cucumber to read some Bible verses you've never heard him read before!

The entire interview is available for Babylon Bee subscribers only…

Become a paid subscriber at https://babylonbee.com/plans

 

May 01, 2020
Let My People Go
01:09:12

This is the Babylon Bee weekly news podcast for the week of 4/29/2020.

In this episode of The Babylon Bee podcast, editor-in-chief Kyle Mann and creative director Ethan Nicolle talk about the biggest stories of the week like Kim Jong Un being Un-dead, doctor Trump talking about disinfectant being used to clean the body, and the oppression of the American people under this lockdown being so bad that Trump has to tell the governors to “let my people go!” This episode is a must listen for the ‘Go Down Donald’ music track alone which we spent way too much time on. They also talk about why staring at a TV isn’t church.

In the subscriber portion, subscribers get to listen to Kyle and Ethan dig into the mail bag where they find an audio file sent to us by a subscriber! They talk about worship songs or worship leader habits that really bug them and answer other deep questions from subscribers. 

Send your emails to podcast@babylonbee.com and maybe we will answer you in our next Mailbag segment!

If you are hurting financially right now, check out our $100,000 COVID relief fund set up by Seth Dillon which you can find out more about by contacting us at our website. If you need financial help contact us! Also donate if you are able to chip in to help!

Pre-order the new Babylon Bee Best-Of Coffee Table Book coming in 2020!

Show Outline

Introduction - Kyle and Ethan talk about waterslides and hotdogs and shampoo.

Stuff That’s Good - 

Kyle: H.P. Lovecraft - At the Mountains of Madness, The Festival, Rats in the Walls, The Hound

Ethan:  Like Trees Walking Podcast

These Things Are Weird - 

Ontario woman’s life saved by breast implant that deflected bullet

Dirt bikers make use of sand-covered skate park in California

Oregon man drove to 11 different Wendy's restaurants twice in 1 day to stock up on free nuggets, report says

Woman ‘wakes up in a body bag after mistakenly being declared dead’

Stories of the Week

Story 1 - North Korea Reports Kim Jong Un Is 'Most Alive Person In Universe'

  • NBC’s Katy Tur tweeted then quickly deleted a tweet saying he was brain dead

  • Conflicting rumors were circulating that the North Korean dictator had to have heart surgery to put a stent put in and that he was either dead or in a vegitative state

  •  Liberals started thirsting for a woman dictator in his sister Kim Yo Jong

  • North Korea is going to get a woman leader before the US? LET THAT SINK IN PEOPLE

  •  Other countries that beat the US to a woman leader

  • Kyle reads a very real and not fake at all statement from the People's Republic Of North Korea

Story 2 - Trump Threatens More Plagues Unless State Governors Let His People Go

Kyle and Ethan hit the guitar and banjo for a new version of an old classic, Let My People Go. 

(Begins at 00:29:11)

Go down Donald, way down in Michigan

Tell old Whitmer to let my people go

When buyin’ guns and seeds was banned

(Let my people go)

Oppressed so hard they could not stand

(Let My people go)

“Go down ,  Donald  

way down in Cali Land

Tell old Gavin to let the skaters go” (LET THE SKATERS GO)

So Trump spoke to the press and there decreed

(Let My people go)

But CNN -wouldn’t air the feed

(Let My people go)

Yes the protesters said, “come down (COME DOWN), Donald, (DONALD) 

way (WAY)  down (DOWN) at the Bass Pro” BASS PRO

Tell those governors to let them buy ammo (LET THEM BUY AMMO)

Trump said, “If you want to end the quarantine,

(Why not give bleach a go?)

Hit em with hydroxychloroquine

(Let the Clorox flow!”)

God, The Lord said, “Go down, (GO DOWN)  Donald,(DONALD) way (WAY) down (DOWN) to America”

Tell Dem TELL DEM governors GOVERNORS  to let My people go

Tell Dem TELL DEM governors GOVERNORS let My people go 

Story 3 - Trump Says To Drink Lots Of Water, Media Reports He Told Everyone To Drown Themselves

  • Trump seemed to be pontificating before the press about things he was discussing with his experts about in coming up with possible treatments to defeat coronavirus.

  • The corporate press immediately reported that Trump was advising the public to drink bleach and disinfectants and blue checks and Democrats jumped over it.

Topic of the Week - Why go to church?

  • With most people streaming church services, is there a reason to go back? Why should Christians have fellowship in person?

  • Broader cultural effects of religion and church attendance

  • Hebrews 10:25 - And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, 25 not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching.

  • “They devoted themselves to the apostles’ teaching, to the fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer” (Acts 2:42) - Most of these things are not very zoom-friendly

  • Church as performance versus church as participation in the body

    • If you’re just there to see a cool concert and speech, then really there is no difference between attending and streaming.

    • The consumerism mindset, church as a product

    • Communion, baptism, church discipline

  • Also need to consider that you go to church to serve others not just to receive a message or receive service yourself

  • Plus, pastors who preach on a live stream are really flat and two-dimensional. They aren’t very responsive. It’s like talking to a wall.

Hate Mail- Get rid of that Mullet guy!!

Paid-subscriber portion (Starts at 01:08:22)

Mailbag! - We get a audio clip from a fan and an email.

Subscribers, please send you emails and short audio files to our mailbag at podcast@babylonbee.com so Kyle and Ethan can answer your questions or talk about the things you want to hear about.

 

Become a paid subscriber at https://babylonbee.com/plans

Apr 29, 2020
Preaching In Italy During A Pandemic
48:44

This is the Babylon Bee Interview Show.

Kyle and Ethan talk to pastor Michael G. Brown, a reformed church planting missionary currently serving in an area hard hit by the virus: Milan, Italy. He is a co-author of the book Sacred Bond: Covenant Theology Explored. They talk about what it’s like being a missionary in a part of the world that got slammed hard by the pandemic and how the Gospel meets the greatest need of everyone living through these times. You can find out more about the mission efforts in Milan at ReformationItaly.org

Topics Discussed

  • Serving in an area that was hit very hard by coronavirus

  • Planting a reformed church in Italy and the history of the Reformation there 

  • Moralistic therapeutic deism and post-modernism

  • The Reformed Gospel and the Council of Trent

  • The pros and cons of nationalized healthcare

  • Metal music

  • Pizza, Mario Brothers, and Papist Ninjas

  • The Ten Questions

The full interview is for Babylon Bee subscribers, so...

Become a paid subscriber at https://babylonbee.com/plans

Apr 24, 2020
Karens, Lutherans, And Chain-Smoking Monkeys
01:26:29

In this episode of The Babylon Bee podcast, editor-in-chief Kyle Mann and creative director Ethan Nicolle talk about the biggest stories of the week like New York City Mayor de Blasio calling on everyone to be a KAREN, a woman is wanting everyone to affirm her relationship with a chandelier, and the certain future of chain-smoking monkeys taking over the world. Kyle and Ethan then get Hans Fiene of Lutheran Satire wound up about various things in Christian culture.

In the subscriber portion, subscribers get to hear the rest of the Hans Fiene interview and Kyle and Ethan go to the mailbag.

Send your emails to podcast@babylonbee.com and maybe we will answer you in our next Mailbag segment!

If you are hurting financially right now, check out our $100,000 COVID relief fund set up by Seth Dillon which you can find out more about by contacting us at our website. If you need financial help contact us! Also donate if you are able to chip in to help!

Pre-order the new Babylon Bee Best-Of Coffee Table Book coming in 2020!

Show Outline

Introduction - Kyle and Ethan talk about the latest Babylon Bee podcast which happened to have been the latest Audio Mullet episode.

Stuff That’s Good - 

Kyle: W.A Criswell’s sermon Whether We Live Or Die

Ethan: Garlic Reaper Hot Sauce

Weird news

California woman dreamed about eating engagement ring — woke up to find she really did 

Rusty knife embedded in man’s head for 26 years after being mugged

Woman dating a chandelier has discrimination case thrown out

According to DISRN: A British woman who claims to be in a long-term relationship with a 92-year-old chandelier was told that her attraction to the light fixture is not a protected sexual orientation.

Novelty toilet roll cakes keep Finnish baker in business

Man opens up corroded can of Spider-Man pasta from 1995 after getting 1995 retweets.

Monkeys and Apes chain smoking cigaretts as coronavirus panic grips planet

Monkey caught on camera flying kite on rooftop

Woman dating a chandelier has discrimination case thrown out

Pensioner thrown from fighter jet after accidentally pulling ejector lever mid-flight

Missouri Sues Televangelist Jim Bakker For Selling Fake Coronavirus Cure

Coronavirus: Police raid closed Liverpool comedy club after live-stream mix-up

Stories of the Week

Story 1 - De Blasio Announces System For Reporting Social Distancing Violations: Knowledgeable Actors Reporting Edict Noncompliance (KAREN)

At a press conference this morning, New York City Mayor Bill de Blasio unveiled a new way that individual citizens can help enforce social distancing: a.new enforcement program called the Knowledgeable Actors Reporting Edict Noncompliance, or KAREN for short.”

  • According to DISRN: De Blasio encourages New Yorkers to snap photos of people not social distancing and text to authorities: "Enforcement will come right away"

Story 2 - Trump Announces America's Grand Reopening Sale

President Trump has announced that America will be reopening soon, and the occasion will be celebrated with an "insane" "once-in-a-lifetime" Grand Reopening Sale.

The grand reopening extravaganza will include 50% off all landmarks and monuments, in a bid to make back some of the trillions lost during the recession. 

Story 3 - Dems Rush To Defend Kavanaugh After He Puts On Joe Biden Mask

Democrats are scrambling to defend Brett Kavanaugh against his accusers after he put on a Joe Biden mask. 

Interview of the Week - Hans Fiene of Lutheran Satire.

Love Mail/Hate Mail-  We get two this week.  Rich hates the character limit on our contact form. He had so much more to say about us and our $100,000 COVID relief fund set up by Seth Dillon which you can find out more about by contacting us at our website. If you need financial help contact us! Also donate if you are able to chip in to help! We aren’t sure what we did to anger the second person.

Paid-subscriber portion 

The rest of the Hans Fiene interview!

Mailbag!

Subscribers, please send you emails to our mailbag at podcast@babylonbee.com so Kyle and Ethan can answer your questions or talk about the things you want to hear about.

Become a paid subscriber at https://babylonbee.com/plans

 

Apr 22, 2020
God, Liberty, And Gold: The Ron Paul Interview
37:28

Kyle and Ethan talk to former congressman Dr. Ron Paul. Dr. Paul advocated for non-interventionism, sound money, and individual liberty throughout his career and became the figurehead of a libertarian movement through his presidential campaigns. He is the author of several books including End The Fed and Swords Into Plowshares.  Kyle and Ethan ask Dr. Paul about his faith, attempt to get libertarian answers on various modern problems, and try to get him to spill on how much gold he has under his mattress. We find out if Ethan accepts Ron Paul into his heart to become a full-blown libertarian in the subscriber portion. 

You can see more Ron Paul on his Liberty Report.

Topics Discussed

  • How Ron’s faith and politics intersect and on setting an example

  • Non-interventionism; blaming America, blowback, & war

  • Ron Paul’s foundations for his pro-life views

  • On refusing to endorse McCain or Romney

  • What is sound money and what is wrong with the dollar? The gold standard

  • The Boom-Bust cycle. Ron Paul thinks the virus is being blamed instead of where the real problem lies at the Federal Reserve

Subscriber Portion (Begins At 00:43:45)

  • Coronavirus- is the government cure worse than the disease? Is it a HOAX

  • Is there hope for the future?

  • Dan tries to explain inflation

  • Kyle and Ethan discuss non-interventionism

  • Does Ethan accept Ron Paul into his heart?

The full interview is for Babylon Bee subscribers, so...

Become a paid subscriber at https://babylonbee.com/plans

Apr 17, 2020
Bernie, Biden, And Boomers
01:25:43

 This is the Babylon Bee weekly news podcast for the week of 4/15/2020.

In this episode of The Babylon Bee podcast, editor-in-chief Kyle Mann and creative director Ethan Nicolle talk about the great void in humor we sense as Bernie drops out of the race, how Biden is making the face mask regulations work for him when he wants to smell everyone, and how Trump finally solved his press briefing woes. Kyle and Ethan also talk about weird news like screaming goats taking over a Welsh town and also chat with comedian boomer Jeff Allen.

In the subscriber portion, Kyle and Ethan talk about the latest open thread premium post about Good Friday for Babylon Bee subscribers, circumcision, Mediterranean food. and some unused headlines.

Pre-order the new Babylon Bee Best-Of Coffee Table Book coming in 2020!

Show Outline

Introduction - Kyle and Ethan talk about milk production, goose racism, and word associations. Ethan also gives combat tips against geese. Kyle and Ethan talk about their Easter celebrations in quarantine.

Stuff That’s Good - 

Kyle: 90s CCM Albums

Ethan: Best Worst Movie

Weird news-  Ethan inspires a soundbyte and a new segment.

Coronavirus lockdown spurs police in England to dye 'Blue Lagoon' black to deter Instagrammers

Mountain goats use coronavirus lockdown to take over Welsh town, video shows

Mum who gave birth during coronavirus lockdown calls child 'Covid Bryant'

 

Story 1 - Bernie Tests Negative For President : Presidential Hopeful and Socialist Bernie Sanders had his entire campaign derailed after getting back the results from a routine medical exam. Overall he had a clean bill of health but he did test negative for President.

  • Bernie Sanders dropped out finally and endorsed Joe Biden!

  • Since we may not see Bernie again, here are some Bernie Sanders greatest hits…

    • Bernie Sanders Drops Out Of Race To Spend More Time With His Many, Many Houses

    • Bernie Sanders Drops Out As Campaign Goals Of Locking Everyone Up, Destroying Economy Already Achieved

    • Bernie Vows To Rebuild Berlin Wall

    • '80s Movie Night Gets Awkward As Bernie Sanders Keeps Rooting For All The Villains 

    • Bernie Sanders Hastily Adds Right To An Abortion At Any Time To Copy Of The Constitution

    • Bernie Sanders Unveils New Plan To Levy Special Tax On Anyone Who Makes More Money Than Bernie Sanders

    • Nike Releases Bernie Sanders Signature Shoe That Helps You Survive Under Socialism

    • Bernie Sanders Arrives In Hong Kong To Lecture Protesters On How Good They Have It Under Communism

    • Bernie Sanders Praises China For Eradicating Poverty By Killing All The Poor People

    • Bernie Sanders Leaps Into Wood Chipper To Reduce Carbon Footprint

    • Bernie Sanders's Acme Rocket Explodes In His Face In Yet Another Failed Attempt To Catch A Billionaire

    • Sanders Clarifies His Gulags Will Be Democratic Gulags

    • Bernie Sanders Supporters Defend How He Always Wears A Top Hat And Monocle And Carries Around Bags With Dollar Signs On Them

    • Bernie Sanders Praises Slave Owners For Free Housing Program

    • Disheveled And Covered In $100 Bills, Bernie Sanders Claims He Was Attacked By A Group Of Billionaires

    • Dems Combine Into Giant Mech To Annihilate Bernie Sanders

    • Bernie Sanders Yelling At Kids To Get Off His Many, Many Lawns

    • Bernie Sanders Banned From Fortnite For Throwing All The Other Players Into Gulags

    • Bernie Sanders Takes Quiet Moment To Seek Advice From Portraits Of His Favorite Dictators

 

Story 2 - Biden Cuts Hole In Mask So He Can Still Sniff People's Hair : Democratic presidential front-runner Joe Biden has agreed to wear a CDC-approved N95 ventilator mask. However his staff was troubled when he cut a nose-shaped hole out of his mask so that he could still sniff people’s hair.

  • This one went nuts.  Burned Bernie Bros have been taking to social media to complain about Joe Biden too.

  • We need to make a mask that looks like you have a bat hanging out of your mouth

  • Is everyone complying with wearing masks out in public?

  • Jesus not obeying the shelter in place order

Story 3 - Trump Installs Ejection Seats Throughout Press Briefing Room : After several tumultuous press briefings with a combative media, President Donald Trump has sought to solve the ongoing conflict by reaching out a hand ... and pressing a red button on his podium that ejects journalists into space on rocket-powered chairs. 

  • Usual characters trade jabs with president at his press briefings with coronavirus task force. 

  • Yamiche from PBS has been sparring with him about ventilators.

  • Mike Lindell the MyPillow guy retooled his 75% of his factory to make masks and gave some off the cuff remarks about reading the Bible and looking to God during this time, the media went apoplectic.

  • CNN’s Jim Acosta, another usual character, accused Trump of engaging in “happy talk” and painting a rosy picture despite personal protective equipment shortages. Trump slammed him.

Interview of the Week - Millennial Kyle and Gen X Ethan talk to boomer and comedian Jeff Allen about life in America changing, Jesus saving Jeff out of alcoholism, and keeping comedy clean.

Love Mail/Hate Mail/ Feedback -  We get a neutral mail teasing us with knowledge of Carman.

People! If you have stories about Carman, send a short audio file or email to podcast@babylonbee.com !!!

Paid-subscriber portion (Starts at 01:24:54)

Open Discussion Thread; Good Friday

Some Unused Headlines and sneak peak at upcoming headlines in our drafts

Mediterranean food and circumcision

Become a paid subscriber at https://babylonbee.com/plans

 

Apr 15, 2020
The Elusive Pro-Life Democrat: The Kristen Day Interview
42:27

This is the Babylon Bee Interview Show.

Kyle and Ethan talk to Kristen Day, the Executive Director of Democrats For Life of America. She caught the Bee’s eye after putting Pete Buttigieg on the spot about whether or not there is a place in the Democratic Party for pro-life voters. Kyle and Ethan chat with her about abortion, pro-life activism, and partisan divides. 

Topics Discussed

  • There are 21 million pro-life democrats that aren’t being served by their party

  • Kristen’s pro-life convictions based on religious worldview and science

  • Having an opinion on abortion without a uterus

  • Safe, Legal, and Rare becoming Legal… ‘Shout Your Abortion’

  • Confronting Pete Buttigieg on whether there is room in the party for pro-life Dems

  • The goals and activism of Democrats For Life of America

  • How the pro-abortion lobby took control of the party

  • The Democrats For Life are not officially endorsing Joe Biden

  • “Pro-life for the whole life”

  • Political strategies and strange alliances

  • Adoption and pregnancy centers

Apr 10, 2020
The Easter Worshipper Episode
01:12:28

 This is the Babylon Bee weekly news podcast for the week of 4/8/2020.

In this episode of The Babylon Bee podcast, editor-in-chief Kyle Mann and creative director Ethan Nicolle talk about how unemployment has skyrocketed, Jeremy Camp has created a camp for all kids named Jeremy, and how Bill Gates’ cure for coronavirus was taken out by a Windows virus. Kyle and Ethan then discuss the wonder, the mystery,  and the historicity of the Resurrection and how that sets Christianity apart from every other worldview.  

In the subscriber portion, Kyle and Ethan see what you subscribers out there are reading in our new premium open discussion thread.

This podcast is brought to you by the Classic Learning Test (CLT Exam). Check out an alternative to the SAT and ACT at cltexam.com

Pre-order the new Babylon Bee Best-Of Coffee Table Book coming in 2020!

Show Outline

Introduction - Kyle tortures Ethan with Star Trek talk.  

Kyle- Codenames A Party Game

Ethan- That Story Show Podcast

Story 1 - Groundbreaking New Study Suggests Shutting Down Economy Could Contribute To Unemployment

  • This gif tells the story of the weekly unemployment claims. Unemployment skyrocketed over 10 million unemployment claims in just two weeks. 

  • Some are projecting 15% unemployment rate in a few weeks and many small businesses are threatened with permanent closures and bankruptcies

Story 2 -  Jeremy Camp Opens Camp For Underprivileged Kids Named Jeremy: 'Jeremy Camp'

Story 3 - Tragic: Bill Gates Had A Cure For Coronavirus But It Was Erased By A Windows Virus

  • Gates had stepped down from Microsoft board recently to focus on humanitarian efforts.

  • He says the deaths from coronavirus are a “nightmare scenario” but could be less that what is being predicted if we all stay home.

  • He said back in 2015 that we should be concerned about disease and not war causing millions of deaths.

Topic of the Week - The historicity of Christianity in the life, death, and resurrection of Christ. The full humanity of Christ and how modern Christians tend to de-emphasize the resurrection of the body.

  • Modern Christians have deemphasized the resurrection of the body.

  • Kyle’s college story

  • Purpose-driven life gospel presentation:

    • “Believe God loves you and made you for his purposes. Believe you’re not an accident. Believe you were made to last forever. Believe God has chosen you to have a relationship with Jesus, who died on the cross for you. Believe that no matter what you’ve done, God wants to forgive you. Second, receive. Receive his forgiveness for your sins. Receive his Spirit, who will give you the power to fulfill your life purpose. ... Wherever you are reading this, I invite you to bow your head and quietly whisper the prayer that will change your eternity. ‘Jesus, I believe in you and I receive you.’ Go ahead. If you sincerely meant that prayer, congratulations! Welcome to the family of God!”” 

  • Lord I Lift Your Name on High

Bible’s emphasis on resurrection --

...If Christ has not been raised, then our preaching is in vain and your faith is in vain. 

“By vindicating Christ in His resurrection, the Father declared His acceptance of Jesus’ work on our behalf... Had Christ not been raised, we would have a mediator whose redeeming work in our behalf was not acceptable to God.” -- RC Sproul

“The cross and the empty tomb stand at the center of the Christian faith. Without these, there is no good news — no salvation.” -- Albert Mohler

Emptiness of “religion” and the alternatives

A.) Pop culture -- “he’s in a better place”

B.) Atheist eulogy: And the physicist will remind the congregation of how much of all our energy is given off as heat. There may be a few fanning themselves with their programs as he says it. And he will tell them that the warmth that flowed through you in life is still here, still part of all that we are, even as we who mourn continue the heat of our own lives.

And you'll want the physicist to explain to those who loved you that they need not have faith; indeed, they should not have faith. Let them know that they can measure, that scientists have measured precisely the conservation of energy and found it accurate, verifiable and consistent across space and time. You can hope your family will examine the evidence and satisfy themselves that the science is sound and that they'll be comforted to know your energy's still around. According to the law of the conservation of energy, not a bit of you is gone; you're just less orderly. Amen. 

Proofs of the Resurrection

  1. Empty tomb -- why didn’t his enemies just produce his body?

  2. Eyewitnesses -- Christianity began spreading rapidly as the eyewitness accounts began to spread.

  3. Disciples’ boldness -- Seeing a resurrected Christ turned Peter from being afraid of a little girl to proclaiming Christ crucified to thousands in the book of Acts (Bible’s honesty).

  4. Martyrs -- at some point, you would have thought some of the disciples would have given up the game if it were all a hoax. But all of them except possibly John were slaughtered for their faith and clung to Christ’s resurrection as their power and hope.

  5. Ultimately we believe because of the Word of God and because of our changed lives by the resurrection power of God.

 Love Mail/Hate Mail/ Feedback -  We got love mail. We think. This is an emoji filled message so we will take it as a compliment.

Paid-subscriber portion (Starts at 01:10:51)

Open Discussion Thread: Whatchyall Readin' Lately?

Become a paid subscriber at https://babylonbee.com/plans

Apr 08, 2020
Unquestioned Answers: The Jeff Myers Interview
45:20

Editor-in-chief Kyle Mann and creative director Ethan Nicolle talk to Dr. Jeff Myers, President of Summit Ministries, and author of the new book Unquestioned Answers. They discuss cheesy church sign and bumper sticker theology, canned Christian clichés, easy answers, and the need to think deeply about the reasons for why we believe what we believe. Kyle and Ethan own Jeff with the ironclad "rabbit poop" proof for atheism and talk about the need for a more thoughtful faith.

Pre-order the new Babylon Bee Best-Of Coffee Table Book coming in 2020! Get a Sneak Peak!

Topics Discussed

  • What does Summit Ministries do

  • To what extent Is it okay to have doubts and questions in Christianity

  • Bumper sticker clichés in Christian culture

  • Church signs are mostly ‘dad jokes’

  • Unquestioned Answers

  • “Simplicism” - the desire to reduce deep truths into sound bytes?

  • Being in dialogue while not shutting down conversation

  • The ironclad ‘rabbit poop’ argument for atheism previously mentioned on our Greg Koukl interview

Subscriber Portion (Begins at 00:43:45)

Songs mentioned on the podcast: 

Heritage Singers / "God Said It, I Believe It"

Bobby Bare / “Drop Kick Me Jesus”


Become a paid subscriber at https://babylonbee.com/plans

Apr 03, 2020
The Essential Business Of Keeping Perspective
01:02:59

This is the Babylon Bee weekly news podcast for the week of 4/1/2020.

In this episode of The Babylon Bee podcast, editor-in-chief Kyle Mann and creative director Ethan Nicolle are joined by the editor-in-chief of Ricochet, Jon Gabriel, as they discuss the week’s big stories like using worthless dollar bills as toilet paper, China being so awesome and great at everything, and the government accidentally banning itself when it bans all non-essential business. They also discuss reading really old books by dead guys to gain perspective during hard times.

You can hear more Jon Gabriel on his podcast: The Conservatarians.

In the subscriber portion, Kyle, Ethan, and Jon Gabriel talk about our awesome subscriber portion intros that you’re missing out on if you are not a subscriber, pacing while talking on phone calls, ten questions on life for Jon, and also analyzing some list of the top 100 20th century novels.

Pre-order the new Babylon Bee Best-Of Coffee Table Book coming in 2020!

Show Outline

Introduction - Kyle and Ethan welcome Jon Gabriel to the podcast. 

Stuff That’s Good - 

Ethan- Rise of Jordan Peterson documentary

Kyle- Tuttle Twins Books

Jon - A Confederacy of Dunces

Story 1 - Toilet Paper Crisis Solved As Government Prints Trillions Of Fresh, Soft Dollar Bills

  • According to Thomas Massie this isn’t a $2.2 Trillion stimulus; it is a $6 trillion stimulus when you factor in all the unaccountable actions by the Federal Reserve and US Treasury

  • The Federal Reserve lowered interest rates to 0% and set reserve requirements at banks to zero.

  • When Americans get a $1200 check, but the bill is $2 trillion, each American’s tax burden to pay it off will be $13,333. 

  • Inflation is the increase of the money supply, not the immediate increase in consumer prices. Effects won’t be felt immediately and equally dispersed throughout the economy’s industries.  Austrian economics teaches that this is how bubbles form in certain industries and systematic malinvestments of resources take place in the first place. The higher forms of production get bid up first, they have the first crack at the “free money”. They go crazy building factories and end products that there are no real savings to buy at the end of the road. Boom and then bust.

Story 2 - China: 'We've Completely Cured Coronavirus And Everything Is Fine Here And No One Is Allowed In To Check'

Story 3 - Government Accidentally Shuts Itself Down With Ban On Non-Essential Businesses

  • I really miss Adam Ford.  Now it’s just the libertarian bee.

  • How are we deciding what is essential or not

  • Is it dangerous to cede the idea that church is “non-essential”

Topic of the Week - Talking to Jon Gabriel about reading old books to gain a sense of perspective.

Love Mail/Hate Mail/ Feedback -  Ethan almost doxxes Joe “Flowerbed”

Paid-subscriber portion (Starts at 01:02:47)

 Become a paid subscriber at https://babylonbee.com/plans

Apr 01, 2020
The Outrage Addiction: The Dana Loesch Interview
44:29

Editor-in-chief Kyle Mann and creative director Ethan Nicolle talk to Dana Loesch. She is a talk radio host, author, TV commentator, and longtime Second Amendment advocate. She has a new book Grace Canceled: How Outrage is Destroying Lives, Ending Debate, and Endangering Democracy. Kyle, Ethan, and Dana talk about milkshake ducks, corporate media reporting on cultural divides by taking sides, believing all women except conservative clumps of cells, and searching for Bigfoot. 

You can also follow Dana on Twitter.

Pre-order the new Babylon Bee Best-Of Coffee Table Book coming in 2020! Get a Sneak Peak!

Topics Discussed

  • Kyle and Ethan shine a spotlight on all of her evil

  • Dana talks about that CNN “Townhall” on Gun Violence

  • The second amendment, gun control, and cultural issues

  • Cancel culture and milkshake ducks

  • Gun violence being the fault of the National Rifle Association

  • The Second Amendment covers battle tanks and armored combat vehicles.

  • The left attacking her/receiving death threats

  • Society is addicted to outrage and cancelling people

  • Searching for Bigfoot

Subscriber Portion (Begins at 00:42:44)

The entire interview is available for Babylon Bee subscribers only…

Become a paid subscriber at https://babylonbee.com/plans

Mar 27, 2020
Social Distancing, Stimulus, And Chasing Your Hat
01:07:57

This is the Babylon Bee weekly news podcast for the week of 3/25/2020.

In this episode of The Babylon Bee podcast, editor-in-chief Kyle Mann and creative director Ethan Nicolle discuss the week’s big stories like quiverfull families running afoul of social distancing rules, Dems and Republicans debating how much imaginary money to spend stimulating the economy, and Trump taking advantage of Disneyland being empty by going on every ride. Kyle and Ethan talk about stuff that’s good and inform the listeners how to chase your hat with a life lesson from GK Chesterton.

In the subscriber portion, Kyle and Ethan discuss the news media being so biased that it makes normal people defend Trump who otherwise wouldn’t and how Tulsi Gabbard has been absorbed into the Borg collective and forced to support Joe Biden.

Pre-order the new Babylon Bee Best-Of Coffee Table Book coming in 2020!

Show Outline

Introduction - Ethan is the Samwise to Kyle’s Frodo, the government is chasing us to enforce social distancing, and Kyle got to go to a mountain cabin in a winter wonderland.

We now have a premium section on the website with exclusive articles and behind-the-scenes takes. One of this week’s articles got covered there. You can also preview the Babylon Bee big coffee table book cover there!

Stuff That’s Good - Kyle and Ethan talk about stuff they are excited about in a new segment where they talk about stuff th at is good.

Story 1 -  Duggar Family Found In Violation Of Ban On Large Gatherings

Story 2 - Investigation Reveals Trump Caused Mass Hysteria So He Could Go On All The Rides At Disneyland With No Lines

Story 3 - Dems Worried Stimulus Bill Would Stimulate Economy

  • Democrats under Nancy Pelosi’s leadership shut down a bipartisan Senate bill that would ostensibly go to helping the people and companies shut down by the virus and government mandates

  • We discuss a list of all the things both sides are trying to cram into the bill no doubt.

Topic of the Week - G.K. Chesterton On Running After Your Hat- How to have a sense of humor amidst tough circumstances and annoyances. Viewing things rightly.

  • The right way to view things -- to find objective truth and meaning in the chaos

  • Having the right perspective amid annoyance and inconvenience

  • This is far from the worst thing to ever happen to humanity

  • Just say, “I’m just chasing my hat” in your daily life!

Love Mail/Hate Mail/ Feedback -  We are told that we need a calvinist on staff again...

Paid-subscriber portion (Starts at 01:07:48)

Story 1 - 'Joe Biden Is The Best Choice For Our Nation,' Chants Tulsi Gabbard After DNC Completes Assimilation Process

  • Tulsi Gabbard was anti-establishment until she wasn’t. She was anti-war anti-interventionism and now she’s telling people to vote for Iraq war supporting Joe Biden.

  • We remember when Ron Paul told everyone to go vote for a third party candidate. Any of them. 

Story 2 - Trump Says, 'I Don't Want Any Americans To Die', NYT Quotes As 'I... Want... Americans To Die'

  • The latest example of fake news. The New York Times changes its headline three times to make the Democrats look better in the relief bill obstruction. Went from “Democrats Block…” to “Partisan Divide…”

  • Trump press conferences where reporters take him out of context to make the virus response super partisan and political and try to paint him in the worst light. “The virus is a hoax” “Trump is attacking the press.” “Trump didn’t plan ahead or order supplies in time.” “Trump’s response is delayed” “Trump disbanded the pandemic response team” “Trump cut funding to the CDC”, etc... Trump tweeted out this fact check.

  • WaPo reporter apologized and deleted the tweet which made it sound like Trump was calling the virus a “hoax.”

  • Trump was saying two medicines taken together might prove to be of help for those suffering from the virus, but they’re still looking into it.  NBC/Bloomberg ran a story about how if you take two grams of the substance, it will kill you. That would be like 4X the dosage though. A couple drank aquarium tank cleaner and reporters tried to blame Trump.


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Mar 25, 2020
Reformation Cartoons And Martin Luther Insults: The Paul Cox Interview
44:12

Editor-in-chief Kyle Mann and creative director Ethan Nicolle talk to the man behind RefToons: Paul Cox! RefToons is a free-to-read webcomic, inspired by theology and church history. Paul is a freelance illustrator and cartoonist and has four chickens. 

Paul has previously co-authored and illustrated Pilgrims Progress: A Poetic Journey.

You can pre-order RefToons Collection I now which collects the first two years of RefToons!

RefToons is on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter.

Pre-order the new Babylon Bee Best-Of Coffee Table Book coming in 2020! Get a Sneak Peak!

Topics Discussed

  • Paul’s story- who is he? How did he become a Christian?

  • Ethan discovers Martin Luther’s insults and he’s like a kid on an airplane for the first time

  • Wisconsin stuff and raising chickens

  • The master Bill Watterson 

  • Calvin & Hobbes, The Far Side, Garfield

  • Discovering Michael Horton’s book Christless Christianity

  • Problems in the church, unanswered questions, finding answers in expositional preaching and reformed church history

  • Reformation theology 

  • Love for the imminently quotable G.K. Chesterton

  • Cancelled Christian Artists

  • The second commandment forbidding images of the persons of the Trinity

  • Paul has a Carman story!

  • Paul’s new book collection RefToons Collection I which collects all of 2017-2019 and his Pilgrims Progress: A Poetic Journey

Mentioned on the podcast: Greg Koukl’s Stand To Reason Podcast.

Subscriber Portion (Begins at 00:43:04)

  • Hot takes on some of the Reformed/Puritans:

    • Calvin

    • Luther

    • Beth Moore

    • John MacArthur

    • Huldrych Zwingli

    • Jonathan Edwards

    • John Piper

  • More Martin Luther potty talk

  • Tapping maple trees and other Wisconsin things

  • Butterburgers and other fine cuisine

  • Loony Toons

  • Also Mentioned: R.C. Sproul’s What Is Reformed Theology?

 

The entire interview is available for Babylon Bee subscribers only…

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Mar 20, 2020
Quarantine: A Nerd's Utopia
53:30

This is the Babylon Bee weekly news podcast for the week of 3/18/2020.

In this episode of The Babylon Bee podcast, editor-in-chief Kyle Mann and creative director Ethan Nicolle discuss the week’s big stories like how our entire society has turned upside down and now the nerds rule, the rise of black markets in hand sanitizer, and how churches our delivering communion elements via drone. They then discuss how we shouldn’t be afraid of coronavirus and how the entire world is under God’s control.

In the subscriber portion, Kyle and Ethan mull over rejected headlines from subscribers and some of the writers. It’s another exciting segment of ‘Almost A Headline!’.

Pre-order the new Babylon Bee Best-Of Coffee Table Book coming in 2020!

Show Outline

Introduction - Kyle and Ethan talk about heroes as a recurring motif in rock songs, Ethan’s wife video chats Ethan from the furniture store, and the guys discuss how people seem to be doing home improvement projects during this coronavirus shutdown.

Story 1 - Nation's Nerds Wake Up In Utopia Where Everyone Stays Inside, Sports Are Canceled, Social Interaction Forbidden

  • Italy Totally Fine Thanks To Universal Healthcare System

    • (From Snopes) The article references a document drawn up by health officials in Turin, a city in Northern Italy hit hard by the virus, with guidelines for if and when “It becomes impossible to provide all patients with intensive care service.” In such a case, the document says, “It will be necessary to apply criteria for access to intensive treatment, which depends on the limited resources available.”

    •  ‘The criteria for access to intensive therapy in cases of emergency must include age of less than 80 or a score on the Charlson comorbidity Index [which indicates how many other medical conditions the patient has] of less than 5.'

Story 2 -  Drug Cartels Switch To Producing Hand Sanitizer

  • Ethan and Kyle act out an episode of 'Breaking Purell.'

Story 3 - Churches Switch To Remote Drone Delivery For Communion

Topic of the Week - Latest Numbers On Coronavirus: 100% Of World Still Under God's Control

Everything-- even church-- being shut down from Coronavirus. “Do not be afraid.”- Jesus

Love Mail/Hate Mail/ Feedback - A dramatic slam poetry minute with Dave DeAndrea. You can not miss this beatnik slam poem sesh! 

Paid-subscriber portion (Starts at 00:53:25)

Kyle and Ethan laugh and mull over rejected headlines from subscribers and the writers.

 

We love our subscribers! They make what we do at The Babylon Bee possible! Please consider becoming a subscriber!

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Mar 18, 2020
The Mortal Kombat Of Abortion Ministry: The Jeff Durbin Interview
54:24

Editor-in-chief Kyle Mann and creative director Ethan Nicolle talk to Jeff Durbin, a Pastor and Elder of Apologia Church in Tempe, a hospital chaplain, outreach minister, and a popular speaker. He’s a martial artist with 5 black belts, has played roles from Mortal Kombat and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, and is known for sidewalk ministry and apologetics debates. The guys talk about martial arts, video games, ministry, and Jeff's crazy adoption story. Jeff co-hosts Apologia Radio and Apologia TV, both found at Apologia Studios, and you can find Apologia's outreach resources for pro-life ministry at End Abortion Now.

Pre-order the new Babylon Bee Best-Of Coffee Table Book coming in 2020! Get a Sneak Peak!

Topics Discussed

  • Martial arts

  • Sidwalk ministry outside places where abortion takes place

    •  We get Jeff’s thoughts on Abolitionism vs Pro-life activism

    • An abortion doctor in Phoenix pulled out a gun to threaten Jeff’s group

  • The arcades being the hangout spots

  • Jeff’s video game roles

  • Mortal Kombat: The Live Tour

  • Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

  • MTV’s The Final Fu

Subscriber Portion (Begins at 00:53:17)

  • Real life self-defence stories

  • Carman’s music inspires Jeff’s friend

  • Behind the scenes with apologist James White

    • What’s the deal with the coogi sweaters?

  • Giving knives to children

  • Jeff adopted a child who had a medical condition saved from abortion and then God totally healed him.

Also mentioned on the podcast: The King James Only Controversy by James White.

You need to check out this sweet promo reel of Jeff Durbin’s martial arts on display in MTV’s The Final Fu and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.

The entire interview is available for Babylon Bee subscribers only…

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Mar 13, 2020
Are You Smarter Than A Journalist?
57:00

This is the Babylon Bee weekly news podcast for the week of 3/11/2020.

In this episode of The Babylon Bee podcast, editor-in-chief Kyle Mann and creative director Ethan Nicolle discuss the week’s big stories like all the democratic candidates joining their powers together into a giant mech to take down Bernie Sanders, Brian Williams’ math makes everything clear for us, and Elizabeth Warren heads back home. ‘Are You Smarter Than A Journalist?’ becomes a real game show and Kyle and Ethan talk about billionaires. 

In the subscriber portion, Kyle and Ethan talk about how women have tricked men into cooking and also discuss a Chick-Fil-A miracle. Ethan also pontificates on whether or not flies have souls.

Pre-order the new Babylon Bee Best-Of Coffee Table Book coming in 2020!

Show Outline

Introduction - Kyle and Ethan talk about how we’re not supposed to talk about cognitive decline and flubber-diddles. Ethan got to see comedian Norm MacDonald live. Coronavirus travel restrictions change some of Kyle’s family plans.

Story 1 - Dems Combine Into Giant Mech To Annihilate Bernie Sanders

  • Right before Super Tuesday, Pete Buttigieg, Amy Klobuchar dropped out giving Biden a dominating election night.

  • Biden got the Robert Francis O’Rourke to endorse him and promised Beto that he could head up his gun control efforts

  • After a disappointed Super Tuesday, Bloomberg dropped out and endorsed Biden too.

  • Kamala Harris endorsed Biden too.

Story 2 -  Brian Williams To Host New Game Show 'Are You Smarter Than A Journalist?'

  • How many people didn’t catch this before airing this segment? Producer, scriptwriter, graphics guy, Brian, guest, etc.

  • “Brian Williams” hosts an exciting episode of ‘Are You Smarter Than A Journalist?’ 

Story 3 -  Warren Returns To Tribe In Shame After Failing To Take Land Back From The Pale Faces

  • It’s a sad story.

Topic of the Week - Income inequality and the idea that billionaires are just sitting in a vault of hoarded cash and could solve everyone else’s problems if they gave away all their cash. Looking at income inequality from Christian worldview.

Love Mail/Hate Mail/ Feedback -  A reverend complains about having to keep explaining to people that the Babylon Bee is “SPOOF!”

Paid-subscriber portion (Starts at 00:56:05)

Story 1 - Miracle: Coronavirus Passes Over Houses With Chick-Fil-A Sauce Smeared On Door Posts

Story 2 - Historians: Women Invented Grilling To Trick Men Into Cooking


Become a paid subscriber at https://babylonbee.com/plans

 

Mar 11, 2020
The Mysterious Science Of Turning Christian: The Mike Nelson Interview
44:37

Editor-in-chief Kyle Mann and creative director Ethan Nicolle welcome Mike Nelson, former star of Mystery Science Theater 3000, RiffTrax dude, and host of some podcasts. Mike talks to Kyle and Ethan about his story of becoming a Christian, working in an industry that’s not really down with that,  making comedy for all, and how he and Ethan helped ruin VeggieTales. 

You can hear more from Mike Nelson on his podcasts: Like Trees Walking (about Basic Christian Apologetics), 372 Pages We’ll Never Get Back (about bad books) and he semi-regularly joins in with Doug TenNapel and Ethan Nicolle on Audio Mullet

Check out the RiffTrax Live 2020 Kickstarter!

Pre-order the new Babylon Bee Best-Of Coffee Table Book coming in 2020! Get a Sneak Peak!

Topics Discussed

  • The guys plan out Mike’s tombstone listing his accomplishments

  • Mike Nelson’s story and his work on MST3K

  • How Ready Player One is terrible

  • Coming to faith in Hollywood

  • Facing doubts, finding ammunition in C.S. Lewis’ God in the Dock

  • Working with people who disagree with you

  • RiffTrax events and other podcasts

  • Mike Nelson worked on the infamous Netflix run of Veggietales with Ethan

  • Hollywood name-dropping and funny things that happened to Mike’s wife

  • Seat-fillers at award shows 

Mentioned in this episode: MST3K: Merlin's Shop of Mystical Wonders (This episode may be a good gateway into MST3K according to Mike Nelson)

Subscriber Portion (Begins at 00:42:09)

The entire interview is available for Babylon Bee subscribers only…

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Mar 06, 2020
Coronavirus, Civil Discourse, And Giving Up Crack
01:10:16

This is the Babylon Bee weekly news podcast for the week of 3/4/2020. 

In this episode of The Babylon Bee podcast, editor-in-chief Kyle Mann and creative director Ethan Nicolle discuss the week’s big stories like Mike Pence ordering all the nation’s women to wear special Coronavirus uniforms, Catholics giving up things for Lent which they shouldn’t have been doing anyway, and Joe Biden claiming to be the only person left alive due to America’s gun violence epidemic. We also talk to Annafi Wahed on her new startup TheFlipSide.io which is trying to make Americans listen to each other again.

In the subscriber portion, Kyle and Ethan talk about a new California bill that seeks to ban all toys that don’t actively confuse your children’s sexuality and also Bernie Sanders’ attempts to draw inspiration from history’s strongest leaders to do what needs to be done.

Pre-order the new Babylon Bee Best-Of Coffee Table Book coming in 2020!

Show Outline

Introduction - Kyle and Ethan talk about Bill & Ted movies, CDC Coronavirus guidelines being implemented to quarantine Ethan, Kyle’s recent trip to a board game geek convention, and how Ethan and Dan had to run the Bee for a few days.

Story 1 - Mike Pence Orders All Women To Wear New Coronavirus-Resistant Uniforms

  • Donald Trump announced Mike Pence was leading up the Coronavirus response team.

  • 6 people have died in the U.S., Worldwide deaths are over 3000 and its spread to 60 countries so far, stock markets have been shedding trillions of dollars in value.   

  • The NORMAL flu causes 12-61 thousand deaths annually

  • Media types slammed Pence for praying with the response team for some reason? “We’re so screwed.

Story 2 - Catholic Plans To Spend Lent Giving Up Something He Really Shouldn't Have Been Doing In The First Place

  • Lent/ Ash Wednesday / Fish doesn’t count as meat for some reason. Anti-fish bigotry. 

  • Stuff that’s not in the Bible

  • Things they are giving up they shouldn’t be doing anyway: 

    • Stop murdering hitchhikers

    • Stop sleeping with girlfriend

    • Refrain from punching babies

    • Pushing old ladies into the street

    • Stop putting bike locks on 7-11s (Kellen Erskine)

    • Stop putting the shopping cart back in the corral (Also Kellen Erskine)

    • Arson

    • Eating tidepods

    • Watching Friends marathon

    • Sleeping with Prostitutes in Grand Theft Auto

    • Crack

    • Performing a ritual to summon Satan (at least not on Fridays)

    • Uttering casual blasphemies

    • Claiming ownership of GK Chesterton

Story 3 -  Joe Biden Claims He Is Only Human Left On Earth Not Killed By Gun Violence

  • At a democratic debate, Joe Biden said 150 million Americans had been killed by gun violence since 2007. He was trying to slam Sanders who voted from some bill in 2005 that prevented frivolous lawsuits against gun manufacturers and distributors

  • “150 million people have been killed since 2007 when Bernie voted to exempt the gun manufacturers from liability," Biden added. "More than all the wars including Vietnam from that point on."

Topic of the Week - Civil Discourse with Annafi Wahed introducing The Flip Side.io.

Love Mail/Hate Mail/ Feedback -  Dave DeAndrea reads a paranoid hate mail and the guys hire someone who thinks our jokes are lame.

Paid-subscriber portion (Starts at 01:09:52)

Story 1 - Bernie Sanders Takes Quiet Moment To Seek Advice From Portraits Of His Favorite Dictators

See Also: Sanders Tests Out New Mustache Styles In Preparation For Becoming Next Totalitarian Icon

Story 2 - California Bill Prohibits Stores From Selling Toys That Don’t Actively Confuse Children’s Sexuality

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Mar 04, 2020
The Voice Of The Babylon Bee: The Dave DeAndrea Interview
49:15

Editor-in-chief Kyle Mann and creative director Ethan Nicolle get an exclusive interview with the world famous voice of the Babylon Bee: Dave DeAndrea. After realizing he was not going anywhere in the breakdancing world, Dave found his true calling by putting his golden vocal chords to work. Dave entered the world of Christian music radio and he has translated his talents into a successful, full-time, international career as a voice actor and producer. You know him from such great hits as “Flowerbed” and the intros and outros to the Babylon Bee Podcast which generate more praise than any other element of the show. Here is your chance to listen to an entire episode with that dreamy golden voice filling your ear canals like warm mashed potatoes dripping from a wooden spoon.

Pre-order the new Babylon Bee Best-Of Coffee Table Book coming in 2020! Catch a Sneak Peak!

Topics Discussed

  • Dave DeAndrea’s story and how he got into Christian radio and voice acting

  • Breakdancing with a mullet

  • Christian music radio 

  • How Ethan and Dave go way back

  • Dave meets Cynthia

  • Dave dramatically reads hate mail

  • Dave’s Christian Testimony

  • Adoption

Subscriber Portion (Begins at 00:47:07)

Bonus Audio - From David D’s 90s Christian radio days on The Cutting Edge

The entire interview is available for Babylon Bee subscribers only…

Become a paid subscriber at https://babylonbee.com/plans

Feb 28, 2020
Inside The Writers' Room
01:03:30

This is the Babylon Bee weekly news podcast for the week of 2/26/2020. 

In this episode of The Babylon Bee podcast, editor-in-chief Kyle Mann and creative director Ethan Nicolle welcome Babylon Bee writers: Frank J. Fleming, Chris Cowan, and Nate McMillan. They run down the week’s top stories, take a stab at putting together a story on the spot for Trump’s recent trip to India, and Kyle sings karaoke of John Lennon’s re-released Imagine which gives more realistic descriptions of communism.

In the subscriber portion, Kyle and Ethan and the writers tell the story of how they became Babylon Bee writers and talk about some of their favorite headlines.

Pre-order the new Babylon Bee Best-Of Coffee Table Book coming in 2020! Catch a sneak peak!

Show Outline

Intro - Kyle and Ethan welcome the writers: Chris Cowan, Frank Fleming, and Nate McMillan.

Stories Of The Week 

Story 1 - Pete Buttigieg Releases Study Bible With Notes That Explain Why Most Of The Verses Are Wrong / Hasbro Introduces New 'My Butti' Pete Buttigieg Doll

  • Other dolls for the other candidates?

Story 2 - John Lennon’s ‘Imagine’  Re-released With More Realistic Description Of Communism

  • Kyle sings a karaoke rendition.

Story 3 - Man Forced To Apologize For Whatever He Did In Wife's Dream Last Night

Topic of the Week - The Babylon Bee writers come up with a story on the spot. Join us in the writer’s room.

Hate Mail -  In this special edition of ‘I Really Miss Adam Ford,’ we have Frank J. Fleming read the hate mail we got for an article he wrote.

Subscriber portion (Starts at 01:00:26) 

Everyone tells their story/ how they joined the Bee.

The writers talk about some of their favorite Bee articles.

Bonus Audio

The Lars Larson Show sent us their professionally done version of the Re-Imagine and now we are singing it around the office. Enjoy!

Become a Babylon Bee subscriber at babylonbee.com/plans

Feb 26, 2020
God, Gender, and Identity: The Nancy Pearcey
49:35

Editor-in-chief Kyle Mann and creative director Ethan Nicolle welcome Professor Nancy Pearcey. She is professor of apologetics and scholar in residence at Houston Baptist University and author of several books, most recently Love Thy Body: Answering Hard Questions about Life and Sexuality.  Prof. Pearcey's books also include Total Truth, Finding Truth, The Soul of Science, Saving Leonardo and How Now Shall We Live? (co-authored with Chuck Colson). They talk about sexuality, gender, abortion, and Christianity's high view of the human body.

Pre-order the new Babylon Bee Best-Of Coffee Table Book coming in 2020!

Topics Discussed

  • Abortion... scientific human life vs modern Personhood Theory

  • Biological Sex vs Gender

  • The Christian’s high view of the material world and the human body due to belief in the incarnation of Christ, the resurrection of the dead, and the new heaven & earth.

  • Trusting in a design vs individual revolt against nature and biological realities

  • Language as a front in the culture war

  • All of our actions endorse a worldview

  • What about people who identify as “gay Christians” or some other adjective placed before the word Christian?

  • Nudity in medieval Christian art

Subscriber Portion (Begins at 00:48:21)

The entire interview is available for Babylon Bee subscribers only…

Become a paid subscriber at https://babylonbee.com/plans

Feb 21, 2020
Good Books & Bad Candidates
01:08:30

This is the Babylon Bee weekly news podcast for the week of 2/19/2020. 

In this episode of The Babylon Bee podcast, editor-in-chief Kyle Mann and creative director Ethan Nicolle discuss the week’s big stories such as the collapse of the Yang campaign, the bipartisan aversion toward the ascendent Bloomberg, and how the 56k modem sound makes us salivate for the internet. The guys then discuss the books that made an impact upon them which means C.S. Lewis, G.K. Chesterton, and J.R.R. Tolkien all feature heavily.  Kyle also tells you which overrated books shouldn’t be considered literary classics. 

In the subscriber portion, Kyle and Ethan talk more books, feuding Star Wars clubs in high school, and how Paw Patrol is dismantling the State.

Pre-order the new Babylon Bee Best-Of Coffee Table Book coming in 2020!

Show Outline

Introduction - Kyle and Ethan talk about the origin of “This ain’t it, chief,” talk about all the great feedback we got from the Valentine’s episode featuring the Bee wives, and then dive into the week’s top stories.

Story 1 - Yang Campaign Collapses After It's Revealed $1,000/Mo Giveaway Would Be Paid For With $1,000/Mo Tax Increase

  • Yang suspended Presidential campaign aspirations after poor showings in Iowa and New Hampshire

  • NEWSWEEK: 72 percent of Democratic primary voters plan on voting for the party's nominee even if their first choice doesn't prevail in the primaries.

  • But only about half of both Sanders and Yang's supporters agreed that they would support any second choice.

Story 2 - Bloomberg Stops By Daytona 500 To Hand Out Speeding Tickets

  • Donald Trump did a flyover of the Daytona 500 in Air Force One

  • Did a pace lap in “The Beast”- the presidential limo

  • NASCAR fans seems to love it, blue checks and media types rushed out their hot takes labeling it as problematic

Story 3 - Struggling Biden Campaign Now Offering One Month Of Free AOL For Rally Attendance (Babylon Bee Subscriber Phil VanKlinken contributed to this report)

  • Support for Joe Biden in Iowa and New Hampshire didn’t materialize and if he doesn’t pull out a win in South Carolina, he is basically done. His numbers there are under strain too.

Topic of the Week -  Novels or non-fiction books that made us the men we are now. In this special topic the guys are just talkin’ about books! 

  • The Hobbit/ Lord of The Rings by J.R.R. Tolkien

  • Moby Dick by Herman Melville

  • Mere Christianity/ Screwtape Letters by C.S. Lewis

  • Heretics/ Orthodoxy/ In Defense of Sanity/ The Ball and the Cross by G.K. Chesterton

  • Pilgrim’s Progress by John Bunyan

  • Misery/ Dark Tower/ The Shining and other Stephen King novels

  • David Copperfield by Charles Dickens

  • Do Androids Dream Of Electric Sheep

  • Dune by Frank Herbert

  • H.P Lovecraft books

  • 1984/ Animal Farm by George Orwell

  • The BFG and other books by Roald Dahl

Love Mail/Hate Mail - We received one of the most touching love mails ever and we got a short hate mail that we have Dave DeAndrea dramatically read.

Paid-subscriber portion (Starts at 01:08:27)

Kyle and Ethan talk even more books and Kyle tells a crazy story about the Star Wars clubs at school going all Westside Story. 

Story 1 - In New Paw Patrol Episode, Pups Round Up Commies Around Adventure Bay

  • Leftist prof says Paw Patrol is propaganda for "capitalist system that (re)produces inequalities and causes environmental harms"

  • "I'll start with the depiction of the state. Mayor Humdinger and Mayor Goodway — kind of the representatives of the state or the government — are portrayed negatively. Mayor Humdinger is portrayed as unethical or corrupt. Mayor Goodway as hysterical, bumbling, incompetent."

  • "I would argue that the Paw Patrol, as a private corporation, is used to help provide basic social services in the Adventure Bay community. That's problematic in that the Paw Patrol creators are sending this message that we can't depend on the state to provide these services."

Story 2 - New Political Bible Adds (R) Or (D) After Each Character's Name

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Feb 19, 2020
Disney Is Winning The Culture War: The Samuel Lively Interview
54:13

Editor-in-chief Kyle Mann and creative director Ethan Nicolle welcome Samuel Lively, a Christian teacher and the author of Trojan Mouse: How Disney is Winning the Culture War.  He has a MFA in Screenwriting and worked briefly in Hollywood. Kyle and Ethan discuss with Samuel Lively how Disney is infiltrating our homes and revolting against historical cultural norms as they analyze a slew of Disney films.  

Pre-order the new Babylon Bee Best-Of Coffee Table Book coming in 2020!

Subscriber Portion (Begins at 00:52:58) 

Hidden Political Agenda in Disney films

-Sleeping Beauty claims women are lazy

-7 Dwarves: ableism, mocking disability

-Fox and the Hound - Clearly a Fox News reference

-Bambi - nuff said 

-Cinderella - anti-woman, lies to get women to wear glass slippers and cut their feet

-Peter Pan encourages kids to snort pixie dust and take an acid trip to never never land

-Alice in Wonderland - Do drugs.

-Brother Bear - Bear propaganda

-Little Mermaid - Men love women when they shut up 

-Jungle Book -  Fathers can be replaced by bears

- Finding Nemo - it is a sin to eat delicious salmon sashimi

- Cars - Buy a Prius

- Tangled - Women with long hair are problematic

- Aladdin - Stealing apples is OK if you sing a Broadway song while running away from the city guards

 

Topics Discussed

  • Sam Lively’s story. Who is he? Where is he from? How did you start thinking about the topic of your book?

  • The culture war and how Disney is winning it

  • Cultural Commies

  • Children’s movies being a vehicle for transmitting worldviews and narratives

  • History of Disney (Golden, Silver, Dark Ages, Renaissance, Today)

  • Expansion and acquisitions

1937-1942 The Golden Age - Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs, Pinocchio, Fantasia, Dumbo, Bambi

1943-1949 The Wartime Era - Saludos Amigos, The Three Caballeros, Make Mine Music, Fun and Fancy Free, Melody Time, The Adventures of Icabod and Mr. Toad

1950-1959 The Silver Age - Cinderella, Alice in Wonderland, Peter Pan, Lady and the Tramp, Sleeping Beauty, One Hundred and One Dalmatians, The Sword in the Stone, The Jungle Book

1970-1988 The Bronze Age - The Aristocats, Robin Hood, The Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh, The Rescuers, The Fox and the Hound, The Black Cauldron, The Great Mouse Detective, Oliver and Company

The Disney Renaissance 1989-1999 - The Little Mermaid, The Rescuers Down Under, Beauty and the Beast, Aladdin, The Lion King, Pocahontas, The Hunchback of Notre Dame, Hercules, Mulan, Tarzan

Post Renaissance Era 2000-2009 - Fantasia 2000, Dinosaur, The Emperor's New Groove, Atlantis: The Lost Empire, Lilo and Stitch, Treasure Planet, Brother Bear, Home on the Range, Chicken Little, Meet the Robinsons, Bolt

The Revival Era 2010-Present - Princess and the Frog, Tangled, Winnie the Pooh, Wreck it Ralph, Frozen, Big Hero 6

Pixar -- counterfeit revival?

Live action remakes

The entire interview is available for Babylon Bee subscribers only…

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Feb 14, 2020
Real Housewives Of The Babylon Bee
01:10:50

This is the Babylon Bee weekly news podcast for the week of 2/12/2020. 

In this special Valentine’s episode of The Babylon Bee podcast, editor-in-chief Kyle Mann, creative director Ethan Nicolle, and producer Dan welcome their wives onto the show: Destiny, Jessica, and Chandra.  This episode was recorded on Kyle and Destiny’s wedding anniversary, Ethan and Jessica’s first date anniversary, and Dan and Chandra’s awkward texting anniversary. Love is in the air on this special episode of the Babylon Bee podcast as they tackle the week's biggest stories.

In the subscriber portion, the couples face off in The Dating Game, where the rules are entirely too vague for Kyle’s finely tuned gaming palate, but everyone still has a fun time!

Pre-order the new Babylon Bee Best-Of Coffee Table Book coming in 2020!

Show Outline

Introduction - Kyle, Ethan, and Dan introduce their better halves and give them permission to speak. We then dive into the stories of the week.

Story 1 - AOC: 'You Cannot Literally Wrap Your Head Around Something, You Would Get Hurt'

  • AOC immediately fulfilled our boomer meme with comments about bootstraps and shoelaces. 

  • Other idioms AOC will attack?

  • What do the ladies think about AOC? 

Story 2 - Garnier Fructis Introduces The Biden Collection

  • Biden recently told a woman in New Hampshire that she was lying about being to a caucus and called her a “Lying Dog-Faced Pony Soldier”. 

  • Destiny informs the men how to pronounce Garnier.

Story 3 - Woman Advertising 5 Different MLMs On Back Of Minivan Must Be Extremely Rich, Successful

  • The women discuss their favorite MLM schemes and products and we question why there is a culture in the church that seems to replace fellowship with marketing

Story 4 - Man Shows Sacrificial, Christlike Love For Wife By Throwing Socks In General Direction Of Laundry Basket 

  • We learn disgusting truths about the guys from the wives.

Story 5 -  'The Milk Is Nowhere To Be Found,' Reports Husband Staring Directly At Jug Of Milk

  • The struggle is real.

Topic of the Week -  For Valentine’s Day, the gang discusses their stories, how God brought each couple together, funny things that happened on first dates, and how the romantic-at-heart Ethan is upstaging other men in the love department.

Hate Mail/ Feedback - We get an email from someone who can’t believe Christians would lie and deceive their elderly mother about something Bernie Sanders would say.

Paid-subscriber portion (Starts at 01:10:43)

Dating game

  • If your spouse could go anywhere for a free vacation for a week, where would they go?

  • What’s their favorite book of the Bible?

  • What adjective best describes your spouse’s family?

  • Your spouse wins the lottery. What is their first big purchase?

  • Spouse’s most annoying habit?

  • Who is the better driver?

Parting marriage and parenting advice.

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Feb 12, 2020
I Am Titania McGrath: The Andrew Doyle Interview
42:52

Editor-in-chief Kyle Mann and creative director Ethan Nicolle welcome a special guest: Twitter personality Titania McGrath (A.K.A. Andrew Doyle). Titania McGrath is a self-described activist, healer, and radical intersectionalist poet committed to feminism, social justice and armed peaceful protest. A regular on the live-slam poetry scene, Titania regularly performs at arts festivals, deconsecrated churches and genderqueer spiritual retreats. Her unique blend of art and activism has been variously described as 'inspiring', 'groundbreaking' and 'woke'. 

You can check out Titania’s new book Woke: A Guide to Social Justice

Pre-order the new Babylon Bee Best-Of Coffee Table Book coming in 2020!

Topics Discussed

  • Who is Titania McGrath?

  • How do her tweets work? 

  • What are the targets of the satire?

  • What is the nature of satire?

  • Does Titania punch down?

  • What is white privilege?

  • Can comedy redeem culture and society?

  • BREXIT

  • Intersectionality/Wokeness

  • Where’s the line we shouldn't cross in satire?


Subscriber Portion starts at 00:39:12

Feb 07, 2020
Diversity SWAT Teams And The State Of The Union With Guest Host Adam Ford
01:03:16

This is the Babylon Bee weekly news podcast for the week of 2/5/2020 with special guest host ADAM FORD. 

In this episode of The Babylon Bee podcast, editor-in-chief Kyle Mann and creative director Ethan Nicolle welcome the creator… of the Babylon Bee: Adam Ford. They discuss the week’s top stories like CNN’s coverage of the problematic panel of experts doing something about the deadly coronavirus, now multiple Bernie staffers advocating violent revolution, and Trump’s State Of The Union address where the guys make predictions about media reactions (by the time this episode airs, you can see how prophetic they were).

In the subscriber portion, Kyle, Ethan, and Adam talk Superbowl half-time sex show, Brexit finally happening, and how our government’s legitimacy is forever gone now since Republican Senators didn’t just do whatever Democrats say.

Adam Ford is now in the real news business. 

Check out his new site DISRN. You can also sign up for the daily Adam Ford Newsletter.

Pre-order the new Babylon Bee Best-Of Coffee Table Book coming in 2020!

Show Outline

Introduction - Kyle and Ethan welcome the Babylon Bee creator Adam Ford, discuss Kyle’s recent trip to a libertarian conference, and come up with a theme song for DISRN.

Story 1 - CNN Condemns D-Day Soldiers For Lack Of Diversity

  • Trump tweeted out a photo of his task force. I guess it was all white males.

  • "We will continue to monitor the ongoing developments," the President said in his post. "We have the best experts anywhere in the world, and they are on top of it 24/7!"

  • CNN recently posted an Coronavirus task force another example of Trump administration's lack of diversity… 

    • “It's a statement that's as predictable as it is infuriating: President Donald Trump's administration lacks diversity… They communicate a "patronage network that everyone is operating under," as Eric Yellin, an associate professor of history and American studies at the University of Richmond, told The Washington Post last year, about a different set of photos. "Having that network be interracial is really important. But the visuals that have come to define the Trump administration say something else, too. They signal which people in a multi-racial, half-female country Trump values the opinions of: mostly white men who are mirror images of the President himself.

Story 2 - Uh-Oh: Sanders Campaign Texting 'Gulag For You' To People Who Aren't Voting For Bernie

  • Project Veritas (James O’Keefe) continues to release candid camera clips of Bernie state campaign staffers (latest video highlights four of them)

  • No Comment from the campaign

  • No corporate media is covering it

  • They’re all still employed.  

Adam Ford Recommendation:  Go read the Gulag Archipelago by Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn.

Story 3 - Trump To Deliver State Of The Union In Scuba Gear To Avoid Drowning In Liberal Tears

  • Official responses have already been released before the address:

  • Snopes: FALSE

  • New York Times: Detailed analysis of every person making an OK hand sign during the speech 

  • Buzzfeed: Take this quiz to find out what emoji best represents your opinions

  • Max Boot: Op ed - I was gonna become a Republican again until this speech

  • Alex Jones: Not one word about water turning the frogs gay.

  • Mike Pence: smiles, nods

  • CNN: (laughs uncontrollably)

  • Fox News: Flawless victory

  • Marianne Williamson: To really know the State of the union we must consult with these Himalayan salt crystals I got on Etsy

  • Greta Thunberg: (play audio)

  • Vox: buy these special 3D racism glasses to see all the racism you missed last night 

  • Jordan Peterson: (gnaws london broil)

Topic of the Week -  Is the news worth paying attention to? How much should it take up our lives? How political should we be? With Adam Ford.

Hate Mail/ Feedback - Apparently we are cowards.

Paid-subscriber portion (Starts at 01:03:12)

Story 1 - Halftime Show Reduces Risk Of Wardrobe Malfunction By Eliminating Most Of Wardrobe (Subscriber Brandon Gaster contributed to this report)

  • Jennifer Lopez and Shakira performed at the Super Bowl Halftime show featuring stripper poles, kids in cages, and Puerto Rican flags.

Story 2 - Millions Drop Dead As Brexit Finalized

Story 3 - Dems Who Ran Sham Impeachment Hearings Shocked As Republicans Run Sham Impeachment Trial

  • Dan reads Adam Savage's insane tweet.

Kyle's kids make an appearance and shove a firetruck into Ethan's backside.

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Feb 05, 2020
Anarchist Hecktopia: The Michael Malice Interview
43:02

Editor-in-chief Kyle Mann and creative director Ethan Nicolle welcome back popular podcaster and resident expert on anarchism, the “new” right, and North Korea: Michael Malice. He is the author of Dear Reader: The Unauthorized Autobiography of Kim Jon Il and The New Right: A Journey to the Fringe of American Politics. He is also the podcast host of  "YOUR WELCOME" and Night Shade. Kyle and Ethan continue their efforts to convert him into Michael Mercy and discuss strange sea creatures, visiting North Korea, and why anarchists hate Presidents so much.

Pre-order the new Babylon Bee Best-Of Coffee Table Book coming in 2020!

Topics Discussed

Anarchy Hecktopia Owned

  • Your house is burning down, do you put the fire out with liberal tears?

  • What would the children pledge allegiance to?

  • Who would indoctrinate the children?

  • Who would deliver Amazon prime?

  • What war criminals would we print on money?

  • What would we do with the Hall of President?

  • What would we call Lincoln Logs?

  • What would they rename Washington State?

  • Who would take my money and tell me what goods and services I need?

  • Who would kill Jeffrey Epstein?

  • Who would shoot the dogs?

  • Who would you rather have run national parks? Costco or Sam’s Club?

  • Who would be the best anarchist president?

North Korea

  • You’ve been to North Korea. Tell us about that. What was it like getting off the plane? Isn’t there a travel ban to going there?

  • Western journalists endangering North Korean citizens’ lives

  • Thought crimes when you’re always being watched

  • Kim Jong Un worship. Was it real? 

  • What dystopian novel gets closest to the reality? 

  • Black markets

  • North Korea’s cult of the gun and military

  • How is Trump’s handling of Iran and North Korea?

Anarchy and Political Theory

  • Michael Malice tries to think of top 5 Presidents and ends up rating his 5 worst Presidents, and mentions something weird about Grover Cleveland

  • Michael Malice delves into the heart anarchy

Miscellaneous

  • The power of social media and the strange alliances against progressivism, strange sea creatures, and how sometimes it is a sin not to eat the ham.

The entire interview is available for Babylon Bee subscribers only…

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Jan 31, 2020
Corporate Media And Political Theater With Guest Host Michael Malice
52:16

This is the Babylon Bee Weekly News Podcast for the week of 1/29/2020.

In this episode of The Babylon Bee podcast, editor-in-chief Kyle Mann and creative director Ethan Nicolle welcome guest host Michael Malice to discuss this week's stories like how Democrats sowed doubts about the legitimacy of the 2020 Presidential election, a CNN analyst claimed to provide “satire” to his Twitter audience, and how knee-jerk conservatives don’t always respond to AOC the right way. They then dive into the main topic of how corporate media tries to weave narratives going beyond the plain facts of current events.

In the subscriber portion, Kyle and Ethan discuss more about the impeachment proceedings, Trump being the first President to speak at large March for Life crowd, and how Bernie Sanders is now alt-right adjacent for touting his Joe Rogan street cred.

You can find Michael Malice’s podcasts “YOUR WELCOME” and Night Shade here.

You can also buy Michael Malice’s book The New Right.

Pre-order the new Babylon Bee Best-Of Coffee Table Book coming in 2020!

Show Outline

Introduction - Kyle and Ethan welcome Michael Malice, talk about the recent and tragic death of Kobe Bryant among several others in a nearby helicopter crash, and Kyle threatens to call the cops on the anarchist.

Story 1 - Democrats Warn That American People May Tamper With Next Election

  • Back in December House Impeachment proceedings Jerry Nadler Said We Can't 'Trust an Election' to Get Rid of President Trump

  • Nadler is missing some of the proceedings because his wife has pancreatic cancer.

  • The house case managers act as prosecutors in the Senate trial. Adam Schiff (CA congressman) opened Senate trial on Wednesday by saying “The president’s negligence cannot be assessed at the ballot box (in November), because we cannot guarantee that that vote will be fairly won,” and without foreign interference requested by Trump, Schiff said.

  • Apparently they are mind readers about his intent behind the plain words of the call transcript. “If not remedied by his conviction in the Senate and removal from office, President Trump’s abuse of his office and obstruction of Congress will permanently alter the balance of power among the branches of government,” the 59-year-old congressman said.

  • Schiff accused Trump of attempting to “use the powers of the presidency to cheat in an election.”

Story 2 - In Major Deal, The Babylon Bee Purchases Competing Satire Site CNN

  • Joe Lockhart CNN political analyst (Comms for Clinton WH) sent out a dumb tweet recently: “Overheard convo between two Republican senators who only watch Fox News. “is this stuff real? I haven’t heard about any of this before. I thought it was all about a server. If half the stuff Schiff is saying is true, we’re up shit’s creek. Hope the White House has exculpatory evidence” 

  • The Babylon Bee responded: “Leave the satire to us; we’ll leave the fake news to you.”

  • Joe went on to tweet: “Ok maybe I made up the convo, but you know that’s exactly what they’re thinking.”

Story 3 - Dumb AOC Accidentally Strangles Herself Tying Her Shoes (Because She Is So Stupid)

  • Conservatives don’t always intelligently handle the case against socialism from principle or history or economics. Too often often they resort to “She Dumb” memes

Topic of the Week - Michael Malice joins Ethan and Kyle to discuss how Malice’s conception of “The Cathedral” relates to current events like the Impeachment and election campaign season. 

  • “The Cathedral” according to Malice, is the collective of political, media and cultural entities who frame the worldview or narrative in a way that becomes the contemporary consensus seeking to control the narrative of neoliberalism/progressivism for our society and lives and institutions

  • Impeachment analysis in The Cathedral. What is going on?

  • We always poke fun of CNN and others for being biased and lefty.  Is something more insidious going on? 

Hate Mail- welp, these happened so we do a rapid-fire hate mail segment.

Paid-subscriber portion

Story 1 - Nation Immediately Forgets All About Historic Impeachment Trial After Realizing It's Taco Tuesday

  • No one is watching (4.7% of voting age adults)

  • The Nielsen ratings for Wednesday and Thursday showed that ABC, CBS and NBC lost a combined 3 million viewers per day by airing the Senate impeachment trial instead of the daytime soaps

  • No one cares (approval ratings seem to be same or slightly better since impeachment)

Story 2 - 'Absolutely Nothing Happening Today,' Says CNN Reporter Gesturing Toward Massive Crowd At March For Life

  • Donald Trump made history Friday as the first-ever president to attend and address the major annual pro-life rally March for Life, telling attendees, "All of us here today understand an eternal truth: Every child is a precious and sacred gift from God."

  • "Every human life, born and unborn, is made in the holy image of Almighty God."

  • The theme for this year’s march is “Pro-Life is Pro-Science.” About 100,000 were expected to attend the event, but the number may have been a lot more than that. Ford Fischer, a journalist with News2Share, said on Twitter that the best estimate he was able to get was from an organizer who said 200,000 to 300,000 were there today.

Story 3 - Bernie Sanders Welcomed As Newest Member Of Alt-Right After Joe Rogan Endorsement

  • Joe Rogan endorses Bernie

  • Bernie shares the clip touting Rogan’s support

  • Leftists on twitter and in corporate media upset 

  • Supposedly Joe is “Transphobic, alt-right racist”

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Jan 29, 2020
Forgiving The Man Who Took My Family Hostage: The McGill Alexander Interview
48:12

Editor-in-chief Kyle Mann and creative director Ethan Nicolle welcome special guest McGill Alexander, a former South African Army officer, who was on assignment in Taiwan as South Africa’s military attaché when a notorious murderer and rapist broke into his home and held his family hostage at gunpoint for 26 hours. McGill and his daughter were both shot but survived. McGill and his wife forgave their captor, gave him a Bible, and led him to Christ. Kyle, Ethan, and McGill talk about what it means to love your enemies as Jesus taught us to do.

You can read McGill’s account in his book Hostage in Taipei : A True Story of Forgiveness and Hope.

A re-enactment of McGill’s story was broadcast by National Geographic Channel in their Locked Up Abroad series of docudramas (2008). You have to purchase the episode so make sure you are viewing Season 1, Ep. 10: "Taiwan".

Pre-order the new Babylon Bee Best-Of Coffee Table Book coming in 2020!

Topics Discussed

  • McGill’s story

  • How this hostage event happened and who the criminal was

  • McGill's Christian faith

  • How did McGill get through this horrible event?

  • Forgiveness- what is it and what does it look like?

  • How long did it take to forgive, was this a process, and what was going through his mind as all this was happening?

  • Is forgiveness completely unconditional? 

  • Does forgiveness condone the evil?

  • The death penalty

  • How should Christ's forgiveness shape our thinking about His command to forgive others?

  • We live in a “show no mercy” culture nowadays, especially on social media. How does forgiveness shape how we approach this culture?

The full interview is for Babylon Bee subscribers only so...

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Jan 24, 2020
Gun Rallies, Gulags, And MLK: Week Of 1/22/20 Podcast
57:30

In this episode of The Babylon Bee podcast, editor-in-chief Kyle Mann and creative director Ethan Nicolle discuss this week's stories like the media hyping up a white nationalist rally which turned out to be a peaceful gun rights protest, a Bernie Sanders staffer getting caught preaching the benefits of gulags, and Nancy Pelosi catching flack for handing out commemorative pens to celebrate a somber day of impeachment. In the subscriber portion, Kyle, Ethan and producer Dan discuss the deaths of Christopher Tolkien, the death of Rush lyricist and master drummer Neil Peart, and talk about how much money a gang of known criminals is telling you they want to take from you.

Doug TenNapel, a friend of the Bee, has a new Earthworm Jim Kickstarter.

Pre-order the new Babylon Bee Best-Of Coffee Table Book coming in 2020!

Show Outline

Introduction - Kyle and Ethan talk about Ethan’s proficiency with a mandolin slicer, hilarious Amazon reviews, and how Disneyland is getting old for Kyle’s kids. Kyle tells Ethan he is as beautiful and perfect as a Trump phone call.

Story 1 - Media Offers Thoughts And Prayers That Someone Would Start Some Violence At Gun Rights Rally

  • VA government is considering several gun control measures such as: a return to Virginia’s one-handgun-per-month purchase policy; red flag laws; and universal background checks for all gun sales except those among immediate family members, through inheritance or antiques.

  • Big media and blue checkmarks hyped up the protest rally as a "white nationalist rally" and militias and insurrectionists who were going to be threatening. See Ben Collins' now-deleted tweet or this montage of CNN and MSNBC for example.

  • "They're not coming to peacefully protest. They are coming to intimidate and cause harm," Gov Northam said declaring a state of emergency and banning all carrying of guns in the capital square.

  • 22,000 gun rights activists showed up and finished peacefully. They even cleaned up after themselves.   People were openly and legally carrying firearms, including AR-style rifles, outside the gun-free Capitol Square.

Story 2 - Bernie Sanders Clarifies His Gulags Will Be Democratic Gulags

  • Project Veritas (James O’Keefe, a conservative political activist) releases undercover video of one of Bernie Sanders’ “top tier Iowa organizer” Staffer Kyle Jurek saying cities [will] burn” if President Donald Trump is re-elected, “free education” policies to “teach you how to not be a "flowerbed"-ing nazi.”; 'There is a reason Stalin had Gulags'; 'Expect violent reaction' for speech. If Bernie doesn't get nomination "Milwaukee will burn"... Project Veritas says they have more clips of more people too.

  • The video has millions of views, almost zero coverage in mainstream media, and zero comment from Sanders campaign.

Story 3 - Pelosi Releases Limited-Edition Replica Of Dentures Worn During Trump Impeachment

  • 'They claim it's a somber, serious occasion they're heartbroken over...and then they pass out impeachment-signing pens with special cases.'

  • The pens look like they are especially engraved, with gold, and were brought out on silver platters of some kind.

Hate Mail - We got a special flowerbed-filled hate mail this week that trashed us and our audience.

Topic of the Week - Martin Luther King, Jr. Day and Race

  1. MLK Jr was the most visible spokesperson for civil rights through non-violent protest movements inspired by Mohatma Ghandi/India Independence. 

  2. 1955 organized Montgomery bus protest after Rosa Parks refused to give up her seat.

  3. Fought against desegregation and for voter’s rights

  4. In 1963 March on Washington gave his 'I Have A Dream' speech

  5. In 1964 won the nobel peace prize.

  6. Was investigated and spied on by the government for his supposed communist sympathies

  7. Assassinated in Memphis, TN in 1968.

  8. Joe Carter of TGC has 9 things you need to know about him

  9. Dr. Robert Gagnon points out some of the controvery in modern evangelical circles regarding whether we should we praise King while condemning Trump.

  • Is MLK cancelled? 

  • Conservatives and leftists both try to make MLK Jr supports their views on social justice, economics, or affirmative action.

  • What does the Bible say about race?

  • What did MLK’s speech actually say ( we read from lengethier sections)

    • "I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed: "We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal."

    • "I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character."

    • “Unearned suffering is redemptive.” Ethan also mentions Man’s Search For Meaning

  • What are some principles we can apply to the race issue to cut through the noise

  • Balancing caring for the oppressed and not pushing victim narrative

  • Who gains from all the racial conflict? Who Ioses if the outrage stops.

Paid-subscriber portion

Story 1 - Peter Jackson To Honor Christopher Tolkien With 578-Film Adaptation Of 'The Silmarillion'

  • Christopher Tolkien died at age 95 this past week. Anything Middle Earth that came out after JRRT published LOTR is because of his son Christopher’s editing and publishing them. 

  • Peter Jackson made 3 whole movies out of the children’s book The Hobbit for some reason.

  • Christopher didn’t like the LOTR movies (action movies for teenagers)

  • He edited and posthumously published his father's work on The Silmarillion, Children of Húrin, Fall of Gondolin, Beren and Lúthien, and much more.

Story 2 - Warning: Gang Of Known Criminals Holds Meeting To Discuss How Much Of Your Money To Steal

  • National Review has a list of all their spending plans in the context of national debt hitting $28 Trillion by end of decade before their ideas are put in place.

  • Democrats try to say the costs are offset by savings elsewhere

  • Taking all of these proposals together, Democrats would increase federal spending by around $40 trillion over the next ten years. To put that in perspective, the federal government will take in approximately $3.3 trillion in taxes this year and spend $4.1 trillion this year.

Story 3 - Church Drummers To Play 70-Minute Solos In Honor Of Neil Peart This Sunday

Rush lyricist and master drummer Neil Peart died at age 67 this past week. 

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Jan 22, 2020
Confessionalism, Satanism, And Cigars: The Joe Thorn Interview
38:00

Editor-in-chief Kyle Mann and creative director Ethan Nicolle talk with pastor and author Joe Thorn. Joe is the founding and Lead Pastor of Redeemer Fellowship in St, Charles, IL, the author of several books (such as the Life of the Church, The Heart of the Church, and The Character of the Church), and co-host of the podcast, Doctrine and Devotion. Kyle and Ethan ask Joe tough questions in a round of Sin Or Not Sin, discuss his former Satanism, and talk cigars. 

Pre-order the new Babylon Bee Best-Of Coffee Table Book coming in 2020!

Kyle and Ethan ask for pastoral advice in a round of Sin Or Not Sin:

  • Vaping like a total cheesebag

  • Throwing up the sign of the horns while listening to heavy metal

  • Jazzercise

  • Well-done steak

  • Reading a Doug Wilson article

  • Tattoo of John Piper’s face

  • Sprinkling a baby with water for some reason

  • Following Beth Moore on Twitter

  • Following John MacArthur on Twitter

  • Reading Relevant Magazine

  • Reading Pulpit & Pen

  • Drinking IPAs when there’s perfectly good bourbon nearby

Topics discussed

  • Thoughts on Reformed Theology and what the benefits may be of finding a church which subscribes to a historical confessional document

  • Satanism

  • Joe's openness about smoking cigars since he has written on Christians smoking cigars

  • Joe's latest hot take: “I want my kids to stay away from Christian Twitter almost as much as pornography.” 

Some of this interview is in our premium Babylon Bee Subscriber Lounge, so...

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Jan 17, 2020
Episode 32: Testimonies, Hot Takes, And World War III
01:20:46

In the thirty-second episode of The Babylon Bee podcast, editor-in-chief Kyle Mann and creative director Ethan Nicolle discuss this week's stories like the outbreak of World War III, CNN settling a lawsuit for defaming a teenager, and the recent geriatric beef between Elizabeth Warren and Bernie Sanders. Producer Dan Coats joins them to tell our stories about how we all became Christians. So, tune in to get to know the Bee boys. In the premium subscriber portion, Kyle and Ethan discuss Epstein conspiracy theories, Ricky Gervais at the Golden Globes, and the internet not having it with Vince Vaughn shaking the President's hand.

Pre-order the new Babylon Bee Best-Of Coffee Table Book coming in 2020!

Show Outline

Introduction - Kyle and Ethan discuss how instagram is designed for the kids, the new format where going forward there will now be two separate podcast shows (one for the news stories and one for our exclusive interviews), and how Kyle wasn’t murdered by an internet stalker. We also take a moment to mark the death of Sir Roger Scruton.

Story 1 - As Part Of Settlement With Nick Sandmann, CNN Hosts Must Wear MAGA Hats During All Broadcasts

Story 2 - Everyone On The Internet Awarded Honorary Degree In International Affairs

Story 3 - Warren, Sanders Settle Campaign Dispute By Playing Chicken On Mobility Scooters

Topic of the Week - Kyle, Ethan, and Dan talk about their stories and how they became Christians.

LOVE MAIL - An email from a listener warmed all of our hearts and encouraged us to keep going.

Paid-subscriber portion

Story 1 - Tragic: Footage Of Epstein Suicide Found Hanging In Cell

Story 2 - Man Driving Alone In Carpool Lane Informs Officer His Preferred Pronoun Is 'They' (From Babylon Bee Subscriber Robert Johnson)

Story 3 - Hollywood Celebs Shocked To Learn Some People Do Not Adore Them


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Jan 15, 2020
Episode 31: Leftism, Liberty, And Lightsabers With Dave Rubin
59:51

In the thirty-first episode of The Babylon Bee podcast, editor-in-chief Kyle Mann and creative director Ethan Nicolle talk with Dave Rubin about freedom of speech, his journey from being a left progressive to a classical liberal, and how Star Wars: The Last Jedi was a total cinematic failure. Dave is an American political commentator, YouTube personality, stand up comedian, talk show host and total Star Wars nerd. He is the creator and host of The Rubin Report, a political talk show on BlazeTV and YouTube.  

You can now pre-order Dave Rubin's book: Don't Burn This Book: Thinking for Yourself in an Age of Unreason.

Content creators, check out Dave's new Patreon-alternative Locals.

Pre-order the new Babylon Bee Best-Of Coffee Table Book coming in 2020!

Show Outline

Introduction - Kyle and Ethan discuss the stories of the week.

Story 1 - San Francisco Dogs Begin Bagging People Poop

Story 2 - Democrats Call For Flags To Be Flown At Half-Mast To Grieve Death Of Soleimani

Story 3 - Thousands Of Panicked Terrorists Surrender As Trump Deploys Jack Wilson To Middle East

Interview - Dave Rubin

Kyle and Ethan discuss with Dave Rubin the differences between the political left and right, his journey from left progressive to classical liberal. and how leftism is destroying comedy, journalism, and movies (like Star Wars).  They also discuss which private mega-corporation should run the government in a libertarian utopia where everything is privatized.

Hate Mail - an iTunes reviewer isn't a fan of our giggling.

Paid-subscriber portion

Story 1 - Woman Who Scoffs At Your Religion Still Checking Her Horoscope Every Day

Story 2 - Woman Slapped By Pope Sells Hand For 1.3 Billion Dollars

Story 3 - Castro’s Campaign Fails As Democrats Realize His First Name Isn’t Fidel

Dave Rubin Interview (continued)

We're putting some of this riveting interview with Dave Rubin in the Subscriber Lounge, so...

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Jan 09, 2020
Episode 30: How To Own Atheists With Greg Koukl
01:46:08

In the thirtieth episode of The Babylon Bee podcast, editor-in-chief Kyle Mann and creative director Ethan Nicolle get ready to say goodbye to 2019 and ring in the new year with a rock-star apologist: Greg Koukl. He’s an accomplished author, speaker, radio host, founder and president of Stand To Reason, an adjunct professor at BIOLA, and he guarantees he can convince anyone to become a Christian in three minutes or less. Well maybe that last part was a bit of an exaggeration, but Greg believes that when Christianity and its values are clearly articulated they can “stand to reason” in the public square. They discuss apologetics fails, how to bring your faith into a conversation without being totally awkward, and what the goal of apologetics really should be.

Greg Koukl’s 10th anniversary edition of Tactics: A Game Plan For Discussing Your Christian Convictions is available now.

Pre-order the new Babylon Bee Best-Of Coffee Table Book coming in 2020!

Show Outline

Introduction - Kyle and Ethan open up some bubbly sparkling water to ring in the new year, discuss the Babylon Bee’s top ten stories of 2019, and make bold predictions for 2020.

Top 10 Bee Stories of the Year

10 - Bernie Sanders Arrives In Hong Kong To Lecture Protesters On How Good They Have It Under Communism

9 - In Genius Move, Trump Supports Impeachment, Forcing Democrats To Oppose

8 - Disney CEO: 'To Avoid Filming Among Depraved, Immoral People, We Are Moving All Our Georgia Operations Back To Hollywood'

7 - Portland Police: 'We Wish There Were Some Kind Of Organized, Armed Force That Could Fight Back Against Antifa'

6 - Ocasio-Cortez Appears On 'The Price Is Right,' Guesses Everything Is Free

5 - Walmart Discontinues Auto Part Sales To Prevent Car Accidents

4 - Georgia Lawmaker Claims Chick-Fil-A Employee Told Her To Go Back To Her Country, Later Clarifies He Actually Said 'My Pleasure'

3 - Husband Daycare Now Available At All Hobby Lobby Locations

2 - Ilhan Omar Withdraws Support From Bill To Save The Earth After Learning That’s Where Israel Is

1 - Motorcyclist Who Identifies As Bicyclist Sets Cycling World Record

Predictions for 2020

Interview - Greg Koukl

Kyle and Ethan discuss with Greg the Babylon Bee's 10 Arguments For Christianity That Are Guaranteed Mic Drops and get into some listener submitted questions for Greg.

Topics Discussed

How did Greg end up becoming an apologetics guy?

How do you start a conversation about God without coming off like a total tool?

What do you do when Mormons or Jehovah's Witnesses come to your door?

At what point is it a sin not to share the gospel with a stranger?

What do you wish Christians would shut up about? What are the WORST arguments you hear from your own side?

Hate Mail - We get podcast reviews. Also, this story has been passed around as being real and the comments are interesting: Trump: 'I Have Done More For Christianity Than Jesus'

Paid-subscriber portion - The interview with Greg Koukl continues and he takes some questions submitted by Babylon Bee readers.

"Can people of other religions that don't know Christ or are so devout to their own way they never even allow themselves to hear and choose Him be saved by the grace of God?" -Jonathan

"Why doesn't God reveal himself in undeniable ways like he did in the Bible? Why does it seem that as mankind's ability to test and verify supernatural claims goes up, supernatural occurrences go down?" -Daniel

"I’ve always wondered if there was a rebellion in God’s pre-human heaven, what would prevent the possibility of another rebellion in eternity?" -Michael

Become a paid subscriber at https://babylonbee.com/plans

Dec 30, 2019
Episode #29: Follow Your Heart And Other Hollywood Lies
59:56

In the twenty-ninth episode of The Babylon Bee podcast, editor-in-chief Kyle Mann and creative director Ethan Nicolle welcome back recurring guest and film expert Brian Godawa. They discuss the recurring existentialist theme in film of “just follow your heart” which always works out okay because our hearts are not idol factories or anything. In the subscriber portion, they go through the best all-time pro-life films (whether they intended to be or not).

Brian Godawa is an award-winning Hollywood screenwriter (To End All Wars), a movie and culture blogger specializing in God, Movies, and Worldviews, author of a textbook, Hollywood Worldviews: Watching Films with Wisdom and Discernment as well as an Amazon best-selling author of Biblical fiction (Chronicles of the Nephilim/Chronicles of the Apocalypse).

Movies/Shows Mentioned

Veggietales In The House episode: Laura At Bat

Joe Vs. The Volcano

Stranger Than Fiction

The Truman Show 

Groundhog Day

City Slickers

13 Conversations About 1 Thing

Titanic

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

I Heart Huckabees

Unstrung Heroes

Box of Moonlight

Forrest Gump 

Shopgirl

Synechdoche, New York

The Fault in Our Stars

Boyhood

Frozen

 

Also mentioned: 

Mike Rowe on Don’t Follow Your Passion

Ben Shapiro Interviewing Neil Degrasse Tyson

 

Paid-subscriber portion: 
Brian Godawa gives us his list of the most pro-life movies, whether it was intentional or not. 

 

Pro-life movies mentioned:

Juno

Bella

The Island

Knocked Up

Three Extremes

Waitress

17 Again

August Rush (adoption)

October Baby

Room 

Into the Forest 

Unplanned

Gosnell


Become a paid subscriber at https://babylonbee.com/plans

Dec 26, 2019
Episode 28: The War On Christmas - 2019 Christmas Special
01:02:59

In the twenty-eighth episode of The Babylon Bee podcast, editor-in-chief Kyle Mann and creative director Ethan Nicolle welcome you to the Babylon Bee Christmas Special which will be much much better than the Star Wars Holiday special. Well, at least better than The Last Jedi. Kyle and Ethan talk to Captain Andy Miller of the Salvation Army, bring in two scholars to debate the existence of Santa Claus, talk Christmas movies, and read listener submitted stories.

Pre-order the new Babylon Bee Best-Of Coffee Table Book coming in 2020!

And if you need a last-minute Christmas gift, get someone a Bee subscription!

Show Outline

Stories Of The Week: Christmas stories over the years

Story 1 (2018) - Mall Santa Arrested For Punching Man Who Denied Divinity Of Christ

Story 2 (2017)- New Museum Memorializes Fallen Heroes In The War On Christmas

Story 3 (2016)- Starbucks Unveils New Satanic Holiday Cups

Dramatic Poem: The War On Christmas

Interview: A conversation with Captain Andy Miller III of The Salvation Army. Andy Miller is a sixth-generation Salvation Army officer who loves Jesus, his family, and the opportunity to serve God through The Salvation Army. He and his wife, Captain Abby Miller, have been officers since 2007. Andy is Area Commander of The Salvation Army - Tampa.

Main Topic: Christmas

  • The Great Debate for the Existence Of Santa with William Lane Kringle and Scrooge McDawkins

  • Kyle and Ethan’s Top Five Christmas movies:

    • #5 Kyle: Die Hard, Ethan: Jingle All The Way

    • #4 Kyle: Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer, Ethan: Gremlins

    • #3 Kyle: Home Alone, Ethan: Die Hard

    • #2 Kyle: It's Christmas Time Again, Charlie Brown, Ethan: A Christmas Story

    • #1 Kyle: The Santa Clause, Ethan: Home Alone

  • Listener submitted Christmas stories

 

Paid Subscriber Portion:

Should you tell your kids Santa is real? Kyle, Ethan, and Dan debate.

More listener stories

Ethan and Kyle share their own Christmas stories

Dave DeAndrea reads NOEL By JRR Tolkien

 

Become a paid subscriber at https://babylonbee.com/plans

Dec 20, 2019
Episode 27: Fatherhood, Ostrich Attacks, And Free Pigs With James Breakwell
01:09:38

In episode twenty-seven of The Babylon Bee podcast, editor-in-chief Kyle Mann and creative director Ethan Nicolle talk to James Breakwell, proprietor of Exploding Unicorn, whose social media reach is in the millions. James is a professional comedy writer and author of several books, most recently How to Save Your Child from Ostrich Attacks, Accidental Time Travel, and Anything Else that Might Happen on an Average Tuesday. They discuss parent shaming, dad fails, surviving insane animal attacks, and how getting famous writing comedy for a living is extremely repeatable.

Follow James Breakwell on Twitter (@XplodingUnicorn).

Show Outline 

Introduction -  Kyle tried out his improv routine on Ethan and Ethan makes it weird and uncomfortable.  They get into a discussion about weird names like Melvin.

Story 1 - Gardener In Background Of Kaepernick Video Receives Call From Washington Redskins

Story 2 - 'Rise Of Skywalker' To Introduce First Lesbian AT-AT

Story 3 - Bombshell Report Reveals Trump Has Been Mooching Off Pence's Netflix Account For Years

Interview - James Breakwell

Hate Mail And Love Mail 

Subscriber-Exclusive Content - 

Story 1 - House Hears Testimony From Renowned, Unbiased Legal Scholar Hillga Clintonheimer

Story 2 - 'Guardians 3' To Feature Most Sinister Villain Yet: Single-Use Plastic Bottles

Become a paid subscriber at https://babylonbee.com/plans

Dec 13, 2019
Episode 26: PC Insanity On College Campuses With Mike Adams
01:06:28

In episode twenty-six of The Babylon Bee podcast, editor-in-chief Kyle Mann and creative director Ethan Nicolle talk to Mike Adams who is a professor at UNC-Wilmington, a TownHall.com columnist, and a speaker on college campuses on first amendment issues and abortion. They talk about how he won his federal case against the university on free speech grounds, why college campuses are even crazier than you think, and how the bill of rights was produced by Hitler. 

Follow Mike Adams on Twitter.

Show Outline 

Introduction - Kyle and Ethan welcome everybody into the Christmas season, unless you are a grumpy Presbyterian or something, with a discussion about Christmas traditions like seeing lights with the family, drinking hot cocoa, and watching sappy movies that make you cry.

Story 1 - Narwhal Tusk Surrender Bins Installed Throughout The UK

Story 2 - New Greta On The Shelf Doll Will Track Your Climate Sins

Story 3 - Judge Grants IPad Sole Custody Of Young Boy It Raised In Parents' Absence

Interview - Mike Adams

Hate Mail - A special hate mail reading by Dave DeAndrea.

Subscriber-Exclusive Content - The second part of the Mike Adams interview gets salty. Also Kyle and Ethan reveal unused headlines and give a behind-the -scenes peak of the creative process here at the Babylon Bee.

Become a paid subscriber at https://babylonbee.com/plans

Dec 06, 2019
Episode 25: Epic Movies With Brian Godawa
01:35:00

In episode twenty-five of The Babylon Bee podcast, editor-in-chief Kyle Mann and creative director Ethan Nicolle welcome back Brian Godawa to talk about epic films where individuals are willing to live and die for transcendent values set in all-encompassing civilization-shaking settings, and a lot of people get stabbed. They also talk about the secular-sacred divide in films and the genre of "Christian" movies.

Brian Godawa is an award-winning Hollywood screenwriter (To End All Wars), a movie and culture blogger specializing in God, Movies, and Worldviews  (www.Godawa.com), author of a textbook, Hollywood Worldviews: Watching Films with Wisdom and Discernment as well as an Amazon best-selling author of Biblical fiction (Chronicles of the Nephilim/Chronicles of the Apocalypse).

Follow Brian on Twitter

This episode is sponsored by the Christian Standard Bible, specifically their CSB Study Bible.  This English translation strives to be faithful to the original languages without sacrificing clarity. To inspire you to grow in your understanding and love for God’s Word, the CSB Study Bible contains an award-winning array of study resources, including over 16,000 study notes, tools, and word studies. Now available in eight different cover options, including two new covers. Whether you are preparing for future Bible studies or daily readings, this study Bible is the ideal resource for lifelong discipleship. Learn more at CSBible.com or visit LifeWay.com to order your copy of the CSB Study Bible today.

Show Outline 

Thanksgiving Introduction - Kyle, Ethan, and producer Dan give thanks for our jobs, you, the Babylon Bee audience, and great food in this Thanksgiving special episode.  Of course, they also run down 7 Ways You Can OWN Your Liberal Relatives This Thanksgiving This Year. Then they welcome Brian Godawa to discuss whether an epic movie must include lots of people being killed by swords and dive into the idea of transcendence in which there are some things that are higher to live for than just yourself.  

Movies/Series Discussed -  

Braveheart

Troy

Gladiator

The Patriot

Star Wars

The Lord Of The Rings

Game Of Thrones

Exodus: Gods And Kings

Noah

Ben Hur

Rob Roy

Mad Max: Fury Road

30 Days Of Night

I Am Legend

Topic Of The Week: Kyle, Ethan, and Brian discuss the Secular/Sacred Divide In Film. Is this a false dichotomy? Does art need to be explicitly Christian to be profitable or valuable for Christians? 

Hate Mail - Jabba The Hutt makes an appearance and accusations of racism stream in.

Subscriber-Exclusive Content: Resident Movie Expert Brian Godawa reveals his top movies of all time including some pro-life films.

Become a paid subscriber at https://babylonbee.com/plans

Nov 27, 2019
Episode 24: Chick-Fil-A, Culture Wars, And Womyn Preachers With Kira Davis
01:17:11

In episode twenty-four of The Babylon Bee podcast, editor-in-chief Kyle Mann and creative director Ethan Nicolle welcome back Kira Davis, political commentator, writer, filmmaker, and activist.  In this episode they discuss Chick-Fil-A's donation shift, Kanye and Osteen, Christians and the culture wars, and women in church leadership.

Kira Davis is editor-at-large at RedState and can be heard on her podcasts: Smart Girl Politics and Just Listen To Yourself.  She recently co-wrote and directed the short film Minty about the heroism of Harriet Tubman.

Follow her on Twitter @RealKiraDavis.

Show Outline

Introduction - Kyle, Ethan and Kira talk about Kira's first appearance on the Babylon Bee podcast, how Ethan's wife who happens to be a nurse sprang into action to save a pregnant woman recently, and how Kira's family was unimpressed by Santa.

Story 1 -  Joel Osteen Leads Kanye West To Top Of Lakewood Church To Tempt Him With All The Kingdoms Of The Earth In Their Splendor

Story 2 - Capitol Building To Be Decorated As Giant Circus Tent For Duration Of Impeachment Hearings

Story 3 - Chick-Fil-A Trades Adoring Christian Fans For Outraged Mob That Won't Be Appeased Until Their Every Demand Is Met

Topics Of The Week - Kyle, Ethan, and Kira talk about how Christians can be involved in the culture without being compromised, whether art needs to affirm our beliefs and worldview, whether or not Harriet Tubman would carry an AR-15, favorite horror films, representing Jesus by doing excellent work, and why we don't want to be Europe.

Hate Mail 

Subscriber Exclusive Content: Womyn Preachers

Kyle, Ethan, and Kira talk about the ‘Go Home’ Controversy between John MacArthur and Beth Moore, women in ministry, the differences between men and women in general, the "OK Boomer" meme, the tremendous blessing of having kids, and how the government seems to have replaced the home as the primary focus of society.

Become a paid subscriber here.

Nov 21, 2019
Episode 23: LoserThink With Scott Adams
01:28:54

In episode twenty-three of The Babylon Bee podcast, editor-in-chief Kyle Mann and creative director Ethan Nicolle interview Scott Adams, the world famous creator of the Dilbert comic strip, a modern-day Nostradamus, and the New York Times best-selling author of Win Bigly: Persuasion in a World Where Facts Don't Matter.  He famously predicted Trump's election through a psychological analysis of persuasion.  He discusses with Kyle and Ethan his most recent book LOSERTHINK: How Untrained Brains Are Ruining America.  

Follow Scott Adams on Twitter.

This episode is sponsored by the Christian Standard Bible, specifically their CSB Study Bible.  This English translation strives to be faithful to the original languages without sacrificing clarity. To inspire you to grow in your understanding and love for God’s Word, the CSB Study Bible contains an award-winning array of study resources, including over 16,000 study notes, tools, and word studies. Now available in eight different cover options, including two new covers. Whether you are preparing for future Bible studies or daily readings, this study Bible is the ideal resource for lifelong discipleship. Learn more at CSBible.com or visit LifeWay.com to order your copy of the CSB Study Bible today.

Intro- Kyle and Ethan discuss seeing Kellen Erskine's show. Kyle went to a Switchfoot concert. Kyle got sick.

Story 1 -  Millennial Wishes There Were Some Historical Examples Of Socialism We Could Study To Have Some Idea How It Might Turn Out

Story 2 - ABC News Claims Story On Epstein Was Accidentally Thrown Out Then Shredded Into Tiny Pieces And Incinerated

Story 3CNN Criticizes Pregnant Woman For Shooting Poor, Defenseless Man Who Was Simply Seeking Asylum In Her Home

Interview: Scott Adams

Hate Mail- Podcast Reviews

Paid-subscriber portion -

Story 1- The Babylon Bee has been coming up with handy infographics for use as media guides. Like The Babylon Bee Explains Assault Rifles  and A Style Guide For News Organizations

Story 2- Authorities Horrified At Woman Who Killed Baby With Meth Instead Of Traditional Brain-Sucking Device

Ethan and Kyle 

Become a paid subscriber at https://babylonbee.com/plans

Nov 15, 2019
Episode 22: Scott Derrickson Reveals That He Cannot Say Anything At All About Dr. Strange 2
01:15:54

In episode twenty-two of The Babylon Bee podcast, editor-in-chief Kyle Mann and creative director Ethan Nicolle interview Dr. Strange director Scott Derrickson in reverse time. They discuss real cinema VS. not-real cinema, progressive Christianity, the horror genre, the spiritual themes of Dr. Strange, and much more.  

Scott Derrickson is an American film director, producer, and screenwriter. He co-wrote and directed The Exorcism of Emily Rose, directed The Day the Earth Stood Still starring Keanu Reeves, teamed up with producer Jason Blum to write and direct Sinister, Directed Deliver Us From Evil, Derrickson next co-wrote and directed the film Doctor Strange.  Derrickson will direct the Doctor Strange sequel entitled Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness with a planned May 2021 release.

Follow Scott Derrickson on Twitter, Instagram

This episode is brought to you by Dwell: the new audio Bible app recommended by Bible teachers like Matt Chandler, Ann Voskamp, and many others! Dwell's mission is to transform the way you experience Scripture. This beautiful audio Bible app comes with 4 unique narrators, peaceful background music, and loads of features to help you dive in to the Word. Dwell is giving all Babylon Bee readers 33% off an Annual Subscription to the app. You can visit dwellapp.io/babylonbee to get your discount...and start using your ears to renew your mind. 

Stories Of The Week

Story 1 - Progressive Utopia Of California Becomes First State To Eliminate Electricity Entirely

Story 2 - Always Appeals To Men With Pads Featuring Pictures Of Monster Trucks, Pro Wrestlers

Story 3 - Motorcyclist Who Identifies As Bicyclist Sets Cycling World Record

Interview: Scott Derrickson (Part one)

Hate Mail / Q&A

Paid-subscriber portion - Scott Derrickson (Part two)

Become a paid subscriber at https://babylonbee.com/plans

Nov 08, 2019
Episode 21: Horror Movie Harvest Episode (That Coincidentally Falls On October 31st)
59:11

In the twenty-first episode of The Babylon Bee podcast, editor-in-chief Kyle Mann and creative director Ethan Nicolle are joined by Brian Godawa to talk about horror movies. Are they evil? Does God hate horror? Brian, often called “The Horror Apologist,” weighs in. While some may think the timing is a little strange—it being the Devil’s holiday and all—rest assured this is our fall harvest episode that only happens to fall on the same day as pagan-pumpkin-demon day.

 

Brian Godawa is an award-winning Hollywood screenwriter (To End All Wars), a movie and culture blogger specializing in God, Movies, and Worldviews  (www.Godawa.com), author of a textbook, Hollywood Worldviews: Watching Films with Wisdom and Discernment as well as an Amazon best-selling author of Biblical fiction (Chronicles of the Nephilim/Chronicles of the Apocalypse). Follow Brian on Twitter

 

Movies/Horror genres discussed

 

The Rules of Horror

Scream

The Wicker Man

 

Zombie

28 Days Later franchise

Shaun of the Dead

The Walking Dead

 

Vampires

The Addiction

I am Legend

Twilight 

 

Serial killers (the modern vampires)

Seven

Brian Godawa’s Short Film Cruel Logic 

Dexter

 

Subscriber-Only Portion

Midsommar

It

Deliver Us From Evil

The Exorcism Of Emily Rose

The Exorcist

The Blair Witch Project

Paranormal 

[Rec]

The Last Exorcism

 

Also Mentioned: Third Eagle Of The Apocalypse Doom And Gloom 

Become a paid subscriber at https://babylonbee.com/plans

Oct 31, 2019
Episode 20: Trump - Liar, Lunatic, Or Lord? With Ben Howe
01:03:24

In the twentieth episode of The Babylon Bee podcast, editor-in-chief Kyle Mann and creative director Ethan Nicolle interview Ben Howe about being a dirty #NeverTrumper, and convince him to render unto Trump. Ben is an author, columnist, podcaster, television writer, film­maker and award-winning political ad producer. His new book is Immoral Majority: Why Evangelicals Chose Political Power Over Christian Values. He can be heard weekly on his podcast The Fifth Estate.  

Ben Howe is on Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook

Get Ethan's new children's novel, Brave Ollie Possum. Order directly from the publisher or on Amazon.

Stories Of The Week

Story 1 -  Keith And Kristyn Getty Struggling To Come Up With Word That Rhymes With 'Substitutionary Atonement'

They actually made one.

Story 2 - RNC Raising Money To Help Democrats Televise Five Debates A Week

Story 3 -  Satan Endorses Paula White's New Book

Interview: Ben Howe (part 1)

Hate Mail 

Paid-subscriber portion: Ben Howe (part 2)

Become a paid subscriber at https://babylonbee.com/plans

Oct 24, 2019
Episode 19: The Founder with Adam Ford
01:14:45

In the nineteenth episode of The Babylon Bee podcast, editor-in-chief Kyle Mann and creative director Ethan Nicolle interview the Babylon Bee's creator, founder, and part-owner, the elusive Adam Ford. Adam is also known for his comics at Adam4D.com, and as the founder of the new news site Disrn.com and the Adam Ford Newsletter. Many readers have claimed the Babylon Bee changed after Adam sold the Babylon Bee. Adam absolutely destroys Kyle and Ethan, reads hate mail, talks about how he came to faith, as well as what he is up to these days. This is Adam's first podcast interview ever, so buckle up and get ready to be part of history.

Show outline with links...

Story 1 In Reboot Film, Bibleman Goes Back In Time To Stop Satan From Planting Dinosaur Fossils In The Earth

Story 2 - Ellen Outed As Conservative After She Treats Others With Respect

Story 3Survey Finds More People Would Support Impeachment If They Knew What Crime Trump Was Supposed To Have Committed

Adam Ford Interview 

Hate mail is included in the interview

Subscriber exclusive portion - Kyle and Ethan discuss some classic Babylon Bee stories

Story  4 Holy Spirit Unable To Move Through Congregation As Fog Machine Breaks

The first article Kyle ever sent to Adam.

Story 5Police Calm Millennial Protesters By Handing Out Participation Trophies


Become a paid subscriber at https://babylonbee.com/plans

Oct 18, 2019
Episode 18: Comedy Is Hard Work With Kellen Erskine
01:25:34

Listen to this episode on our podcast page or subscribe on your favorite podcast platform here.

In the eighteenth episode of The Babylon Bee podcast, editor-in-chief Kyle Mann and creative director Ethan Nicolle interview stand-up comedian Kellen Erskine. Kellen has been featured on other lesser-known shows such as Conan, Jimmy Kimmel, and America’s Got Talent. He was also one of the comedians featured on the Amazon Prime docu-series Inside Jokes. They talk about the stigma of “clean comedy,” navigating a commonly profane profession as a Latter-Day-Saint, and Kellen shares some of his showbiz horror stories and moments of inspirational triumph.

Kellen’s appearance on Conan

Kellen's special Composed, on Amazon Prime

Kellen’s Website

Kellen On Twitter

Kellen on Instagram

Also check out the new audiobook from Babylon Bee writer Frank Fleming, Hellbender

Show outline with links...

Story 1 - Kanye West Joins The Newsboys

Story 2 - Media Horrified By Lack Of Violence At Joker Screenings

Story 3 - Media Warns Excessive Forgiveness Could Set Back Outrage Narrative Hundreds Of Years

Interview: Comedian Kellen Erskine

Hate Mail 

Paid-subscriber portion:

Kellen talks about bombing on Jimmy Kimmel and in front of Robin Williams. Ethan tells the story of his miserable attempt at an open-mic night. Ethan and Kyle answer a subscriber question about how satire is not always necessarily meant to be funny.

Become a paid subscriber at https://babylonbee.com/plans

Oct 11, 2019
Episode 17: Candace Owens INSTANTLY REGRETS Babylon Bee Interview
01:11:55

In the seventeenth episode of The Babylon Bee podcast, editor-in-chief Kyle Mann and creative director Ethan Nicolle interview lib-owner-in-chief Candace Owens. They talk about her recent run-in on C-Span, children being used as political props, marriage advice, and more. At one point in the interview, Owens is left literally speechless. Kyle and Ethan also go over recent news stories in front of their first live studio audience: A guy named Joe.

This episode is brought to you by InsideTheStreet.com
Enter the promotional code NOPETOSNOPES for your two-week free trial.

Stories of the week:

Story 1 - Evangelical Leaders Ask Trump Which One Of Them Will Betray Him During Impeachment Proceedings

Story 2 - Prodigal Son Kicked Back Out After Old Tweets Surface

Story 3 - Democrats Introduce Debate Strategy Of Holding Up Small Child Whenever Their Positions Are Challenged

Interview: Candace Owens

Referenced video of Candace at white supremacy hearing on C-Span

Love mail: podcast reviews! Please, leave us your own review on iTunes!

Paid-subscriber portion: Ethan tells his disgusting ear-drop story, then Kyle and Ethan read unused or yet-to-be-published headlines

Become a paid subscriber at https://babylonbee.com/plans

 

Oct 04, 2019
Episode 16: The Gospel Of Earthworm Jim
45:04

Listen to this episode on our podcast page or subscribe on your favorite podcast platform here.

In the sixteenth episode of The Babylon Bee podcast, editor-in-chief Kyle Mann and creative director Ethan Nicolle are joined by graphic novelist Doug TenNapel, creator of the legendary videogame Earthworm Jim, the artist of the famous Five Iron Frenzy album covers, and writer/artist of several graphic novels. Doug is one of the most outspoken Christians in videogames and comics. He and his old team are bringing back Earthworm Jim in a new videogame and Doug has a new Earthworm Him comic book in the works. Check out his record-breaking Indiegogo Campaign before it ends on September 27th!

Follow Doug TenNapel on Twitter

Check out Doug's YouTube channel

Listen to Doug and Ethan's other podcast, Audio Mullet

(3:38) Disaster At Union Seminary As Giant, Angry Carnivorous Plant Does Not Accept Students' Apologies

(9:59) Saudi Arabia Closes Down New Chick-Fil-A Location For Disappointing Lack Of Homophobia

(13:42) Liberals Clarify Their Racism Is Actually Democratic Racist

 

(16:58) Interview: Doug TenNapel talks about Earthworm Jim, the Five Iron Frenzy covers and more...

(35:50) Hate Mail: People think Trump window at Liberty University is real. Referenced story: Liberty University Criticized After Unveiling Stained Glass Window Depicting Donald Trump

(45:05) Subscriber Exclusive Portion: Doug tells his Carman story and talks about experiences working in the PC climate of Hollywood animation industry.

Become a paid subscriber at https://babylonbee.com/plans

Sep 26, 2019
Episode 15: How Social Justice Is Like Gremlins
01:00:48

Listen to this episode on our podcast page or subscribe on your favorite podcast platform here.

In the fifteenth episode of The Babylon Bee podcast, editor-in-chief Kyle Mann and creative director Ethan Nicolle are joined by Peter Boghossian and James Lindsay, of the famed "Grievance Studies Affair" who submitted hoax studies to academic journals and got three of them accepted. Peter and James are self-proclaimed atheists who are politically liberal, but their work exposing how certain areas of academia prioritize narrative above truth is not only important but hilarious. They also care a lot about having meaningful disagreements and are actively fighting "cancel culture." We talk to them about the Grievance Studies Affair as well as their new book, How To Have Impossible Conversations. They also have a new project for facilitating impossible conversations called New Discourses.

As usual, Kyle and Ethan also get into a few news stories including John Bolton the walrus, vaping AR-15's, and Monopoly for Christian women. They extend the conversation with Peter and James in the subscriber-exclusive portion of the episode.

Follow Peter Boghossian on Twitter

Follow James Linday on Twitter

(7:12) John Bolton Waves Goodbye, Returns To Sea To Be Walrus Again

(11:02)  New Version Of Monopoly For Christian Women Has You Recruit All The Other Players Into A Pyramid Scheme

(15:56) More E-Cigs Being Disguised As AR-15s To Avoid Ban

(19:43) Interview: The Grievance Studies Affair and How To Have Impossible Conversations with Peter Boghossian & James Lindsay

(56:57) Hate Mail

(1:00:51) Paid Subscriber-Exclusive: Continuing the conversation with Peter and James about the insanity of academia, the ridiculous things their papers endorsed, and how social justice is like a cult (and also Gremlins)

Become a paid subscriber at https://babylonbee.com/plans

Sep 20, 2019
Episode 14: Race And Grace With Kira Davis
01:24:04

In the fourteenth episode of The Babylon Bee podcast, editor-in-chief Kyle Mann and creative director Ethan Nicolle are joined by Red State's editor-at-large Kira Davis. Kira joins for the entire episode to discuss current news stories and then get into the main topic: race. How do we handle it as a society and as individuals? What should the conversation be like? What is the Christian response to the race issue? How does the concept of grace fit into an issue so weighed down by history? We dig into these heavy topics and more.

Follow Kira Davis on Twitter

Listen to Kira on Smart Girl Politics, and Just Listen To Yourself

Stories of the Week

(10:09) CNN's 7-Hour Climate Change Town Hall Loses In Ratings To 'Baby Shark' Being Played 185 Times In A Row

(15:48) White Girl Turned Into Pillar Of Pumpkin Spice After Looking Back At Starbucks

(24:18) href="https://babylonbee.com/news/walmart-discontinues-sale-of-auto-parts-to-prevent-car-accidents?fbclid=IwAR3RuA1zwt9ieXVlX-1sNW7Mrja7bjJCQOIuP2kfPJuz8OUV1-pWmRa27R0">Walmart Discontinues Auto Part Sales To Prevent Car Accidents

(33:02) Main Topic: Race and grace

(1:16:06) Hate Mail

(1:24:08) Paid Subscriber Portion: Kira talks about that time she was on Dr. Phil, the time she was kicked out of the 2010 Democratic National Convention, and her experience with drive-by shootings.

Become a paid subscriber at https://babylonbee.com/plans



Sep 13, 2019
Episode 13: Politically Homeless With Bridget Phetasy
01:05:49

In the thirteenth episode of The Babylon Bee podcast, editor-in-chief Kyle Mann and creative director Ethan Nicolle are joined by Bridget Phetasy. Bridget is a writer and comedian who became known across the Twitter-verse when she started challenging the woke narrative of other liberals and comedians and not towing the approved political line. Her recent article, The Battlecry Of The Politically Homeless, is the subject of discussion this week. Bridget joins us for the entire show.

You can follow Bridget on Twitter (Please be warned that her feed can be R-rated, both in words and pictures) and check out her podcast Walk-Ins Welcome. She also has a new show on YouTube called the Weekly Dumpster Fire.

The Babylon Bee podcast hosts a wide range of guests, both Christian and non-Christian. We believe it's important to hear from a variety of perspectives, even ones we may disagree with. Please note that we do not necessarily endorse every position or statement made by our guests. We encourage you to listen to and consider their viewpoints respectfully.

Stories of the Week

(3:49) Snopes Rates Biden's Claim That 2+2=5 As 'Mostly True'

The referenced Snopes story: https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/joe-biden-war-hero-story/

(10:52) Lego Introduces New Sharper Bricks That Instantly Kill You When You Step On Them

(17:55) Liberals Clarify They Only Want Black Voices To Be Heard When They're Saying Liberal Things

(32:26) Main Topic: Being Politically Homeless

Bridget's article: The Battlecry For The Politically Homeless

(1:00:11) Hate Mail

(1:05:52) Paid Subscriber-Exclusive Portion: Bridget talks about her experience spending three weeks in an Australian offshoot of the Rajneesh cult.

Become a paid subscriber at https://babylonbee.com/plans

Sep 06, 2019
Episode 12: Church Camp Horror Stories
01:05:57

In the twelfth episode of The Babylon Bee podcast, editor-in-chief Kyle Mann and creative director Ethan Nicolle talk about the strange world of church camp, both sharing their own experiences as well as stories that were sent in by readers. As usual, a few news stories are covered and hate mail is dramatically reenacted by Dave.

Stories of the Week and relevant timestamps:

7:47 Chick-Fil-A Installs Confessionals So You Can Repent From Eating At Popeyes

(Also includes Judas Isacriot Eats Popeyes and the Trumpets stories)

(13:46) CNN: 'Our Ratings Are Only Tanking Because Trump Is Killing Off Viewers By The Millions'

(17:25) Jesus Ratioed On Twitter For Saying 'Love Your Enemies'

(23:02) Main Topic: Church Camp Horror Stories

(1:00:23) Hate Mail!

(1:06:00) Paid Subscriber-Exclusive Portion: More church camp horror stories

Become a paid subscriber at https://babylonbee.com/plans

Aug 30, 2019
Episode 11: Hollywood Hates Christians
01:20:46

 

Kyle and Ethan are joined by Brian Godawa for their first all-movie episode. They dig into the worldviews of various films and talk about how story is used to convey messages, sometimes more Christian than expected, and sometimes blatantly anti-Christian. 

Guest Brian Godawa is a screenwriter and novelist. He has spent a lot of time dissecting the worldviews and themes of film. For more Brian Godawa:

Brian Godawa on Twitter

Brian Godawa’s website (where you can find everything)

Brian Godawa’s Blog "Thus Spake Godawa”

Dive into Brian’s novels:

Chronicles of the Nephilim

Chronicles of the Apocalypse

Brian’s book on worldviews in film

Hollywood Worldviews

 

Movies of the Week!

(4:08) Science Fiction & AI

Some of the movies/series discussed: 

Alita Battle Angel, Westworld, Better Than Us, Hunger Games

(20:37) The Walking Dead & Zombie Films

Some of the movies/series discussed: 

The Walking Dead, Shaun Of The Dead, 28 Days Later, 28 Weeks Later, The Exorcism Of Emily Rose

(38:10) Discussion of Once Upon a Time in Hollywood 

(46:31) Topic of the Week: Anti-Christian/Anti-Conservative bias in Hollywood

Some of the movies/series discussed:
The Boyz, Unplanned, Gosnell, Bohemian Rhapsody, Valkerie, Walk The Line, Tolkien, To End All Wars, Captain Marvel, Hidden Figures, Finest Hours, Unbroken, Room, Black Panther, Hacksaw Ridge, God’s Not Dead, Exodus, Noah, Paul, Madmen 

Brian’s The Boys Amazon Series analysis

(1:13:08) Hate Mail

(1:20:51) Paid Subscriber-exclusive portion: Marvel Universe discussion

Some of the movies/series discussed:
Captain America, Captain Marvel, Avengers, End Game, Daredevil, Antman, Spiderman, Hulk, Dr. Strange

 

Become a paid subscriber at https://babylonbee.com/plans

Aug 23, 2019
Episode 10: Civil Discourse Fight Club
49:56

 

Referenced links with timestamp:

(5:02) CDC: People With Dirt On Clintons Have 843% Greater Risk Of Suicide

(10:28) Extremists On Left, Right Eliminate Each Other In Violent Clash, Nation's Problems Finally Over

(16:21) YouTube To Run All Potentially Offensive Content Past Easily Spooked Possum

(20:36) Topic of the Week: Civil Discourse

(40:51) Hate Mail: Android hate mail!

 

(49:59) Paid Subscriber Portion

(52:57) Husband Daycare Now Available At All Hobby Lobby Locations

(1:00:12) Hipster Church Introduces Vape Organ

(1:05:31) Do you ever feel despair over our current political and cultural situation? 

 

Become a paid subscriber! at https://babylonbee.com/plans

Aug 19, 2019
Episode 9: Kevin Max Of DC Talk
56:02

In the ninth episode of the Babylon Bee podcast, editor-in-chief Kyle Mann and creative director Ethan Nicolle are joined by Kevin Max from DC Talk to discuss what people think when they find out you're a Jesus Freak, whether or not he still loves rap music, and who came up with the famous lyric "HAO HAO HAOOW!" They also discuss the Christian music industry, the odd world of Christian celebrity, and Kevin's prolific solo career.

Kyle and Ethan also discuss a few news stories and read some hate mail as usual.

 

Links we refer to in the show with relevant timestamp:

Stories of the Week

(5:16) Study Shows Leading Cause Of Gun Violence Is Those You Disagree With Politically

(15:57) Experts Warn We Have Only 12 Years Left Until They Change The Timeline On Global Warming Again

(21:25) Museum Of The Bible To Display Original Golden Tablets Containing 'Jesus Freak' Lyrics

(28:48) Interview: Kevin Max (part 1)

Ryan Tedder's Kevin Max Impersonation

Kevin's Website

Kevin Max on Twitter

Buy Kevin's Album Black Sheep Of The Fold

Kevin Max On Spotify

Kevin Max On Instagram

(51:36) Hate Mail

Paid Subscriber Portion

(56:05) Kevin Max Interview (Part 2)

(1:11:38) Democratic Socialist Convention Forced To Communicate Via Interpretive Dance To Avoid Offending Any Attendees

(1:18:16) White Privilege Card Now Good For 10% Off At Whole Foods

(1:21:53) Unused headlines!

Become a paid subscriber! at https://babylonbee.com/plans

Aug 10, 2019
Episode 8: The Snopes Episode
01:00:32

Show Notes!

Kyle and Ethan are joined by Babylon Bee CEO, Seth Dillon to discuss the controversy surrounding Snopes and their recent and past coverage of the Babylon Bee. 

Relevant links:

Seth Dillon appears on Fox News! https://twitter.com/TheBabylonBee/status/1157352307408941056

Adam Ford’s Tweet-thread

(1:00) Introductory interview with Seth Dillon

Stories of the Week

(9:44) Georgia Lawmaker Claims Chick-Fil-A Employee Told Her To Go Back To Her Country, Later Clarifies He Actually Said 'My Pleasure'

(18:25) Democrats Demand Kavanaugh Submit To DNA Test To Prove He’s Not Actually Hitler 

 

(27:15) Thanks To New Laws, VeggieTales Finally Introduces New Cannabis Character 

 

(35:39) MAIN TOPIC: Snopes! (if you jump here, be warned that we cover this topic throughout the entire episode as well) 

(51:16) Hate Mail

 

(1:00:36) Subscriber Exclusive Segment

(1:01:24) Facebook Hires Drax The Destroyer To Distinguish Between Satire, Fake News

(1:06:13) Trump Spends Afternoon Shouting From White House Balcony During Twitter Outage

(1:12:15) Subscriber update and what we are working on

Become a paid subscriber! at https://babylonbee.com/plans

Aug 05, 2019
Episode 7: Comedy As A Weapon
56:55

Guest: Michael Malice

Michael's book: The New Right  “The definitive firsthand account of the movement that permanently broke the American political consensus.”

Follow Michael Malice on Twitter (FYI Malice is not a Christian and does use salty language at times, though not on THIS podcast. Also he's a literal anarchist. You've been warned!) 

Warning: while there is no bad language in this episode we do get into more serious and sometimes uncomfortable topics. 

(1:42) Introductory interview with Michael Malice

 

(11:32) Biden Vows To Return Nation To Era When Press Didn't Bother Reporting On President's Scandals

(18:28)  Trump 2020 Campaign To Simply Air Unedited Footage Of Democrats Talking 

(29:29) All Looney Tunes Shorts To Receive Epic Live-Action Remakes 

 

(35:56) MAIN TOPIC: Comedy as a Weapon 

(52:27) Hate Mail

 

(56:59) Subscriber Exclusive Segment

(57:24) Progressive Immediately Shouts 'White Supremacy!' At Every Image In Rorschach Test

(1:11:14) Plan To Put Women On The Moon Canceled After They Find Out How Cold It Gets

Become a paid subscriber! at https://babylonbee.com/plans

Jul 29, 2019
Episode 6: Faith & Politics
45:29

Join editor-in-chief Kyle Mann and creative director Ethan Nicolle for the sixth-ever Babylon Bee podcast. This week's main topic is faith and politics. 

(8:22) Impressed Military Drops Portland Antifa In Hostile ISIS Territory To Continue Doling Out Justice

(14:10) Christians Should Be More Like Jesus, Who Was Loved By Everybody And Never Divisive

(20:10) Women's Soccer Team Sues To Overturn Unjust Law Of Supply And Demand

(25:50) Topic of the Week: Faith & Politics

(39:09) Hate Mail

(45:33) Subscriber Exclusive Segment

(46:23)  Genetically Engineered Dinosaurs Break Out Of Creation Museum, Live Peacefully With Humans

(51:15)  Food Possessed By Demons After Family Forgets To Pray

(55:40) Unpublished Headline reading

 

Become a paid subscriber! at https://babylonbee.com/plans

Jul 22, 2019
Episode 5: Youth Group
49:09

Join editor-in-chief Kyle Mann and creative director Ethan Nicolle for the fifth-ever Babylon Bee podcast. This week's main topic is youth groups.

(3:38) Trump Enraged As Immigrant Child Asks Him For More Gruel

(11:29) Story 2 Joe Biden Promises His Followers Eternal Life

(16:40) Churchgoer Takes A Knee In Protest As Newfangled Chorus Added To Classic Hymn

(24:46) Topic of the Week: Youth Group

(44:12) Hate Mail - With dramatic reading by Dave DeAndrea!

 

(49:12) Subscriber Exclusive Segment

(52:08)  'Why Doesn't Our Church Have More Programs?' Asks Family That Never Volunteers For Anything

(55:32) Crunched For Time, Pastor Pads Out Sermon With Random G.K. Chesterton Quotes

(1:02:15) Questions this week:

  • How do you deal with the issue that some people will think your stories are real?
  • Why so many bass player jokes?
  • Do you do satire of other religions?
  • Who are the most easily offended in your experience? Conservatives? Progressives? Reformed folks? Prosperity?

 

Become a paid subscriber! at https://babylonbee.com/plans

Jul 15, 2019
Episode 4: Submission Hold
48:10

Join editor-in-chief Kyle Mann, creative director Ethan Nicolle, and special guest host Frank Fleming for the fourth ever Babylon Bee podcast. And yes, it's that Frank.

Get Frank Fleming's Book, Heckbender (warning, H-E-double hockey sticks is in the actual title). Also, Sidequest is amazing.

(5:26) Trump Enters Konami Code, Gains Infinite Terms

(10:21) Kool-Aid Man Protests Wall

(13:12) Modern-Day Good Samaritan Tweets About Republicans

(20:03) Main topic: Behind the Babylon Bee headline submission process

(42:49) Hate Mail

Bonus Content (Paid Subscribers Only)

(48:14) Punching Grammar Nazis

(56:45) AOC On The Price Is Right

 

(1:03:02) Q&A

Become a paid subscriber at https://babylonbee.com/plans

Jul 08, 2019
Episode 3: Allie Beth Stuckey
01:03:57
  • Join editor-in-chief Kyle Mann and creative director Ethan Nicolle for the third ever Babylon Bee podcast. Besides it being the historical number three episode, this is also the first ever interview, featuring conservative millennial Allie Beth Stuckey.

Here are the week's news stories with timestamp:

(7:06) Ocasio-Cortez Gets Head Stuck In Bucket

(14:00) Liberals Confused By New Medical Procedure

(22:48) Mother Seeks Emergency Surgery To Remove VBS Songs

(30:10) Interview w/ Allie Beth Stuckey

(55:53) Hate mail

(1:03:53) Bonus! (Subscribers Only)

(1:04:43) Church Employs Homeless Musician Thinking He Was New Youth Pastor

(1:12:00) Man Dies Of Old Age In Church Parking Lot

(1:16:26) Q&A 

Become a paid subscriber at https://babylonbee.com/plans

Jul 01, 2019
Episode 2: Good Good Fathers
49:44

Join editor-in-chief Kyle Mann and creative director Ethan Nicolle for the second ever Babylon Bee podcast. 

NOTE: The day after this episode was recorded, Ethan's book Bears Want To Kill You was put back up on Amazon without explanation. He has no idea why they put it back up, or took it down in the first place, or if it will stay up. 

Here are the week's discussed news stories with timestamp:

Story 1 (5:10) -  Essential Oils For Men Now Available

Story 2 (11:40) - Elizabeth Warren Promises to Cure Smallpox

Story 3 (15:55) - Study: Hate Clicks Are A Major Source Of Web Traffic And Also 'The Princess Bride' Is A Trash Movie That Only Stupid People Like

Topic of the Week (24:10) - Fathers  

Bonus Content (paid subscribers only)

Bonus Story 1 (49:53) - New School Program Raises Awareness Of Things Kids Didn't Know They Were Supposed To Be Offended About

Bonus Story 2 (56:25) - Rookie Mistake: Sound Guy Accidentally Unmutes Background Worship Singers

-Subscriber Q&A (1:02:28)

Become a paid subscriber at https://babylonbee.com/plans

Jun 24, 2019
Episode 1: The Bee Origin Story
48:14

Join editor-in-chief Kyle Mann and creative director Ethan Nicolle for the first ever Babylon Bee podcast. 

This week's new stories with links:

Sports Illustrated Burkini (5:29):
https://babylonbee.com/news/sports-illustrated-unveils-first-ever-baptist-swimsuit-model-in-floor-length-denim-skirt

That Crazy Copeland (12:11)
https://babylonbee.com/news/kenneth-copeland-unveils-new-luxury-jet-that-runs-on-the-souls-of-the-deceived

Trump's Lands Free Chips and Salsa Deal (17:30):
https://babylonbee.com/news/trump-secures-unlimited-chips-and-salsa-in-mexican-trade-deal

Main Topic: the Bee Origin Story (24:05)

Hate Mail Of The Week: (44:37)

Bonus Content (paid subscribers only)

-Gay Pride Week

-YouTube Radicalizing Left And Right To Have Actual Conversations

-Subscriber Q&A

Become a paid subscriber at https://babylonbee.com/plans

Jun 15, 2019