Fifty Shades of Gender

By Esther Lemmens

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We get curious about all things gender, sex and sexuality, as well as relationships, feminism (the inclusive kind), mental health and kink, and all that makes us humans unique and diverse. From body positivity to body dysmorphia, it’s all welcome here. Come with us on a journey of inclusion, acceptance and respect.

Episode Date
89. CLEO MADELEINE: queer, trans, woman

Cleo Madeleine is a researcher, activist, and poet. Cleo's pronouns are she/her, and she is queer, trans, and a woman. Find out what that means to Cleo in this episode. Join us as we briefly go down a rabbit hole of queer history and time, talking about the entanglement of sexuality and gender, linguistic limitations, the intersection of history, language, and identity, what is left out of history, the construct of normativity, levels of activism, and the many ways things can get lost in translation. More on 

Sep 15, 2022
88. LUX: queer, genderfluid, polygender, non-conforming man

Lux is a psychotherapeutic counsellor and French expat, who has been in the UK for over ten years. Lux's pronouns are he/they, and he is a queer, genderfluid, polygender, non-conforming man. Find out what that means to Lux in this episode. We also talk about seeing labels as a field, the need for softness as well as radicality in activism, how gender identity is separate from gender expression, the pathologising of queer identities, not being able to simplify your complexity into a static gender, how gender plurality and sexual fluidity intertwine, and not leaving any part of us out. More on 

Sep 01, 2022
87. BRIANNE LEESON: autigender, bisexual, polyamorous, demi-romantic

Brianne Leeson is a writer, artist, and voice actor, and the creator of the supernatural comedy audio drama, Today’s Lucky Winner. Brianne's pronouns are she/her, and she is autigender, as well as bisexual, polyamorous, and demi-romantic. Find out what that means to Brianne in this episode. We also talk about doing womanhood differently and the infinite flavours of gender and gender expression, accidental polyamory and unpacking social and religious conditioning, what we can learn about communication from autistic people, sensory issues and how they shape expression, finding freedom in embracing your neurodivergence, and questioning everything. More on 

Aug 18, 2022
86. IZZY KERSHAW: transgender woman, bisexual, ADHD

Izzy Kershaw is a singer/songwriter and music producer. Izzy's pronouns are she/her, and she is a transgender woman. She's also bisexual and has ADHD. Find out what that means to Izzy in this episode. We also talk about how big a part of identity gender is and how that can change, the importance of making the distinction between sex and gender in healthcare, being trans in the music industry, an enlightening acid trip, how music can take people on a journey, the innateness of gender from the perspective of brain science, and the desire to belong. More on 

Aug 04, 2022
85. VICTOR MARTINEZ: transgender, non-binary, pansexual, neurodiverse, ADHD

Victor's pronouns are they/them, and they are transgender and non-binary, as well as pansexual, neurodiverse, and ADHD. Find out what that means to Victor in this episode. We also talk about being out as a trans person at work, having a different understanding of the same labels, normalising gender diversity in society, body dysmorphia and gender expression, transphobia in the media, unlocking aspects of identity, and the evolution of awareness. More on 

Jul 21, 2022
84. KAI GREY: trans-masculine, transgender, queer (non-binary)

Kai is a Garden Designer and consultant, and CEO at Polaris Garden & Landscape Architects. Kai's pronouns are he/him, and he is trans-masculine, transgender, queer, and a tad non-binary. Find out what that means to Kai in this episode.. We also talk about the importance of representation, experiencing intimacy and sex and navigating expected as well as unexpected changes being on T (testosterone), consent and re-establishing boundaries, separating masculinity and femininity from body parts, qualities, and dynamics like dominance & submission, and never being done with transitioning. More on 

Jul 07, 2022
83. LOLA PHOENIX: agender, non-binary, queer

Lola Phoenix is a writer, podcaster, and author of the recently published book The Anxious Person's Guide to Non-Monogamy. Lola's pronouns are they/them, and they are agender, non-binary, and queer. Find out what that means to Lola in this episode. We also talk about being accidentally gender non-conforming, not relating to normative experiences, prioritising action over language, the power in choosing our response, what we do versus who we are, the similarities between an unconventional gender journey and exploring alternative relationship styles, solidarity and the need to unite, the importance of understanding and regulating our nervous system, and being safe within ourselves. More on 

Jun 23, 2022
82. ANGELA LOCASHIO: autistic, queer, genderqueer woman

Angela Locashio (aka Mama Pistachio) is a trauma-informed educator and coach, and sexologist. Angela's pronouns are she/her, and she says she's always open to they/them. She is an autistic, queer, genderqueer woman. Find out what that means to Angela in this episode. We also talk about following social scripts and role playing, how authenticity and performance are not mutually exclusive, vulnerability, understanding all parts of ourselves, how we are wired to choose acceptance over authenticity, being yourself in the workplace, the intersection between gender and neurodivergence, and how we are all normal. More on 

Jun 09, 2022
81. FLEASSY MALAY: queer, gender-diverse, neurodiverse, genderfluid woman

Fleassy Malay is a poet, spoken word artist, performer, and writer. Fleassy uses they/them and she/her pronouns, and they are a queer, gender-diverse, neurodiverse genderfluid woman. Find out what that means to Fleassy in this episode. We also talk about embracing the validity of the phases we go through, belonging in both women's spaces and queer spaces, inclusive language and adding more nuance to conversations, internalised shame and being willing to confront our own conditioning, having observations rather than answers, how sacred rage can change the world, and playing in all the spaces. More on 

May 26, 2022
80. ANNE HODDER-SHIPP: queer femme, neurodivergent, ADHD (agender, non-binary, demigirl)

Anne Hodder-Shipp is a sex and relationship educator dedicated to providing accurate, empowered, compassionate, and expansive sex education. Anne's pronouns are she/they, and she is a queer femme. They're also neurodivergent with a recent ADHD diagnosis. She doesn't have language that totally feels right, but says that sometimes agender, non-binary, and demigirl work. Find out what that means to Anne in this episode. We also talk about not having a sense of belonging, feeling safe in your skin, self-soothing and meeting yourself where you're at, upholding meaning over language at all cost, how the gender binary is weaponised, that a new awareness of reality is often accompanied by a mourning process, looking at love languages through a different lens, and reframing the concepts of love, touch, and relationships. More on 

May 12, 2022
79. CHRISTINE TOKLEY: trans woman, non-conforming, disabled, neurodivergent

Christine's pronouns are she/her, and she's ok with they/them pronouns. She identifies as a trans woman and is also non-conforming, disabled and neurodivergent. Find out what that means to Christine in this episode. We also talk about how the spectrum of physical biological sex and that of the social construct of gender overlap, the idea of sex dysphoria rather than gender dysphoria, medical transition vs social transition and being comfortable on the inside first, supporting people in a way that works for them, the difference in how we all perceive reality including gender, the need for nuance as well as simplification, how being aware of intention can benefit communication, and building bridges between our understanding and others'. CW: paraphilia, autogynephilia. More on 

Meeting Christine was the inspiration for the book chapter Esther contributed to the multi-author book Sacred Redesign – How to free yourself from society's standards and create heaven on earth. It's available on Amazon now: find links to purchase on 

Apr 28, 2022
78. CLAIRE PROSHO: transgender woman, bisexual, ADHD

Claire's pronouns are she/her, and she is a transgender woman. Find out what that means to Claire in this episode. We also talk about the lack of female role models in the 70s, trying to reconcile the expected side and the authentic side of us, the entanglement of gender, mental health and neurodivergence, feeling like yourself for the first time, reframing gendered activities, identifying as vs identifying with, gender alignment rather than transition, and having more stories to tell. More on 

Apr 14, 2022
77. JENN: genderfree, autistic, fat

Jenn sets up websites and tech systems for micro businesses. Jenn doesn't have much of an attachment to pronouns and says they or she are fine. They are genderfree, and she also gave us the labels autistic and fat. Find out what that means to Jenn in this episode. We also talk about choosing your own gender badges, the absurdity of assigned gender roles, being conscious of gender-neutral language, how autism in women is underdiagnosed, the limited choices when it comes to clothes, the balance of body neutrality, the various struggles fat people face, and putting the rainbow first rather than it being an afterthought. More on 

Mar 31, 2022
76. SKIN: queer

Skin is the singer of the rock band Skunk Anansie, a radio show and podcast host, and author. Skin's pronouns are she/her, and she is a queer person. Find out what that means to Skin in this episode. We also talk about stepping stones to new language, the obsession with beauty in the gay community, breaking gender roles, given names and designing your own sense of self, a cultural sense of identity, expanding on feminism, marriage and motherhood, chosen family and learning how to love each other, staying open and giving people a chance to change their minds, and how we need to join forces and stop fighting each other. More on 

Mar 17, 2022
75. Reflections (part 3): discoveries so far

In this third Reflections episode, Katy interviews Esther as she reflects on further conversations she’s had with gender-diverse folks, what she’s learned about gender, as well as her own journey and how she and the podcast have evolved over a year and a half since the podcast started. We also talk about imposter syndrome, intuition and following the flow, prioritising self-care, expanding on pronouns, improvising and thinking on the spot, reclaiming labels, coming out of the spiritual closet, how the lines between being on the outside and being on the inside are blurring, and that being an ally benefits us all; not just those we are being allies for. More on 

Mar 03, 2022
74. A Clear Perspective on gender: a channeled message from Oron and Medha

This is an episode with a spiritual twist. I have a conversation with Oron, through Medha. Medha is an intuitive energy healer and channeler – to be exact, a direct voice channel – and she has a podcast called A Clear Perspective, where she shares the guidance that comes through from Oron in answer to people's questions. Oron start by talking about what it takes for Medha to allow this energy to come through, and then about expansion and going beyond right and wrong, external and internal division, how truth lies on a spectrum, reclaiming your sense of self-worth, power versus force, coming into inner harmony, what self-love really is, and returning to wholeness. More on 

Feb 17, 2022
73. PAIGE LOEWEN: partner of a transgender woman

Paige is married to a transgender woman, Esther (or Elle), who came out to her in October 2020. They've been married for 16 years and have two children. Find out more about Paige's experience in this episode. We also talk about being married to a troubled person, becoming more bold and growing into your skin, learning to communicate our needs, the freedom in speaking our truth, going through your own journeys together, that it's ok to not put a label on yourself, and how we may find ourselves in one closet or another. More on 

Feb 03, 2022
72. TALEA BOELSEMS: agender, metagender

Talea uses any pronouns, and they are agender and metagender. Find out what that means to Talea in this episode. We get philosophical and dig deeper into gender identity, and we talk about the challenges with finding language for something just beyond our grasp, nature vs nurture and what is innate in our identity, and peeling away layers and finding nothing. As we start to wrap up the conversation, some more really juicy things came up, so we keep going for another 10 minutes or so after I thank Talea for sharing her experience. More on 

Jan 20, 2022
71. RENÉE YOXON: trans, non-binary, genderqueer, maverique

Renée Yoxon is a singer, songwriter, and gender-affirming voice teacher. Renée's pronouns are they/them, and they are non-binary trans. They also identify as maverique and back in the day, genderqueer. Find out what that means to Renée in this episode. We also talk about being who you are right now, bridging the trans and cis experience, how 'passing' is morally neutral, internal vs societal perception of gender, simultaneously upholding and tearing down gender binaries, and how the voice is more nurture than nature. More on

Jan 06, 2022
70. REV ROWAN BOMBADIL: genderqueer shapeshifter & sex witch

Rowan Bombadil is a psychosexual coach and interfaith minister, dedicated to bridging the binaries between sex and spirit. Rowan's pronouns are they/them/their, and they are a genderqueer shapeshifter and sex witch. Find out what that means to Rowan in this episode. We also talk about deconstructing boxes and binaries, the link between gender, sex and magic, reclaiming the body and revealing more of ourselves, roleplay vs shapeshifting, multiplicity and spanning the gender spectrum, transformation through intention, and celebrating the sacred in ourselves. More on 

Dec 23, 2021
69. ZELDA: intersex, trans-adjacent, disabled

Zelda is a performer and magician. Zelda is happy for people to use the pronouns they feel are appropriate. She is intersex and disabled, and refers to herself as trans-adjacent. Find out what that means to Zelda in this episode. We also talk about using fun vs boring as decision-making criteria as opposed to male vs female, having a gender identity as fluid as a body identity, knowing the science versus living the science, giving hope by being yourself, being a bridge between dualities, lucky genetic quirks, and being a special case. More on 

Dec 09, 2021
68. ESTHER LOEWEN: transgender woman

Esther Loewen uses she/her pronouns, and she is a transgender woman. She also identifies as a parent, spouse, pastor, professional includer, and queer. Find out what that means to Esther in this episode. We also talk about how coming out is an ongoing process, questions to ask yourself on the gender journey, finding hope in spirituality after trauma, grieving the loss of vocation, taking a leap of faith, embracing how god made us, integrating and honouring the old self, and entering the next chapter in life with dignity and grace. More on 

Nov 25, 2021
67. LEONIE DAWSON: non-binary

Leonie Dawson is a proudly neurodivergent multi-passionate entrepreneur, author, podcaster, prolific course creator and massive swear bear. Leonie's pronouns are she/they, and they are non-binary. Find out what that means to Leonie in this episode. We also talk about honouring the land we inhabit, the freedom that came from adding a 'they' pronoun while having a 'she' experience, being non-conforming in business, the importance of having open and honest money conversations, knowing who you are inside and standing for what you believe in, kicking the social media habit, and smashing the patriarchy by being more of yourself. More on 

Nov 11, 2021
66. ANNA SANSOM: genderqueer, gender-responsive, woman, queer dyke

In this episode, I have a conversation with Anna Sansom, a writer, author of erotic fiction and also author of the book Desire Lines, which is a combination of memoir, erotica, and an invitation to reflective self-inquiry. Anna's pronouns are she/her. She experiences herself as genderqueer and feels herself to be gender-responsive. Find out what that means to Anna in this episode. We also talk about the energetic space between people, being responsive vs being reactive, how boxes can be constricting as well as expansive, playing with gender and sexuality, reclaiming the word 'dyke', self-healing through sexual experiences, liberating ourselves and writing our own story, pursuing desire, and why it's more than ok to want more out of life. More on 

Oct 28, 2021
65. Listener Questions (1): terminology explained

This episode is a slightly different one again; the first of a Listener Questions series. I'm answering a question (or rather, responding to a request) from one of our listeners, Connie, who said
"I would love to hear a podcast on the definition of terms used on the podcasts." So here it is! More on 

Oct 14, 2021
64. BRIAN BELOVITCH: cis-gay male of trans experience

Brian Belovitch is an author, actor and activist. Brian's pronouns are he/him/his, and he identifies as a cis-gay male of trans experience. Find out what that means to Brian in this episode. We also talk about being different and growing up in the 60s and 70s, looking for validation, living a fantasy life, performing the role of perfect woman, dealing with judgement, how everyone's journey is unique, finding a different way to be comfortable, and going full circle and reaching a new destination. More on 

Sep 30, 2021
63. JEN HARTMANN: non-binary, bigender

Jen Hartmann is a fashion designer and founder of the trans-positive label Baal Fashion. Jen is pretty much ok with all the traditional pronouns, but prefers he/him. He is non-binary and also identifies as bigender. Find out what that means to Jen in this episode. We also talk about growing up with a very gendered language, being expected to fit into cultural and gendered stereotypes, disrupting the fashion industry and the future of innovation, how clothes are an integral part of gender expression, navigating entrepreneurship and the challenges that come with doing your own thing, surrendering to divine timing, and that one size does not fit all. More on 

Sep 23, 2021
62. JACOB PROFITT: non-binary, gay, drag queen

Jacob Profitt is a geography teacher. Jacob's pronouns are they/them, and they identify as a gay non-binary person. Find out what that means to Jacob in this episode. We also talk about the freedom that comes with going to university, societal conditioning around masculine and feminine binaries, exploring gender identity through drag, being non-binary in education, feeling attracted to male presenting people as opposed to masculinity, and being inspired by a younger generation. More on 

Sep 16, 2021
61. DOROTHY 'THYO' PIERRE-LOUIS: non-binary, trans-masculine, bigender, toric, graysexual

Dorothy Pierre-Louis uses he/him/his pronouns, and his nickname is Thyo (pronounced like Theo). He is non-binary and also uses the labels bigender and trans-masculine, as well as toric and graysexual. Find out what that means to Thyo in this episode. Thyo (pronounced like Theo) is a simple urban animal who resides with his friends in a cozy den in Philadelphia. He currently works as a technical recruiter and aspires to make it in the entertainment/media industry as a writer. This dream is slightly hindered by the fact that Thyo is a recovering survivor of the Ivy League education system. As such, he has a complicated relationship with writing and will likely never write ever again. More on 

Sep 09, 2021
60. EMME PORTER DeWITT: agender [transgender, nonbinary], queer [demisexual+]

Emme Porter DeWitt is an author, advocate, and authenticity coach. Emme's pronouns are they/them/theirs. They are agender and also identify as transgender, non-binary, queer and demisexual. Find out what that means to Emme in this episode. We also talk about how we all have our own unique flavour of humanity, making sense of attractions, the importance of emotional connection, building your own blueprint for relationships, the possibilities in the term queer, being a solo advocate, how parents can build a healthy relationship with their gender-expansive kids, and getting rid of the boxes altogether. More on 

Sep 02, 2021
59. VICTOR MARTINEZ: non-binary, transgender, pansexual, panromantic

Victor's pronouns are they/them, and they are non-binary and transgender, as well as pansexual and panromantic. Find out what that means to Victor in this episode. We also talk about identifying vs being, the freedom in expressing yourself, that clothes have no gender, connection to culture, having an awareness of your own mental health, processing out loud, and how gender expression is for yourself rather than others. More on 

Aug 26, 2021
58. GREYSON: trans man, xenogender (wolfgender), furry

Greyson, a furry and budding artist, is a trans man, but identifies with wolfgender, which is a xenogender. Greyson uses he/him/himself as well as wolf/wolfs/wolfself pronouns. Find out what that means to Greyson in this episode. We also talk about discovering your identity through playing someone else, separating gender from male/female, man/woman and masculine/feminine, how queer identities are a lot of work, self-medicating with testosterone, respecting artistry and artists by paying them well, and how gender journeys are a great way to get to know yourself deeper. More on 

Aug 19, 2021
57. JIN WICKED: agender, non-binary, autistic

Jin Wicked is an artist, illustrator, and writer, on the autism spectrum. Jin's pronouns are they/them, and they are agender and non-binary. Find out what that means to Jin in this episode. We also talk about pushing boundaries, questioning what's normal, seeing the body as a canvas, finding beauty and art in everyday life, discovering being neurodivergent, integrating different identities, being present in the moment, and learning to be human. More on 

Aug 12, 2021
56. JUNO ROCHE: trans & queer

Juno Roche is a writer, campaigner and author of the books Queer Sex, Trans Power and Gender Explorers. Juno's pronouns are they/them, and they are trans and queer. Find out what that means to Juno in this episode. We also talk about being a writer as part of identity, affirming surgeries versus trying to preserve youth, transitioning into transness as opposed to into a woman, being attracted to masculinity rather than men, owning your skin and celebrating yourself, being an intimacy virgin, and getting lost in words. More on 

Aug 05, 2021
55. BEVERLY LITTLE THUNDER: Two-Spirit Lakota woman

Beverly Little Thunder is an activist, community leader and teacher, and founder of a non profit organisation that provides a safe space for ceremony for Indigenous LBGTQIA people. Beverly uses she/her pronouns, and she is a Two-Spirit Lakota woman from the Standing Rock Band in North Dakota. Find out more about her story in this episode. We also talk about what the term Two-Spirit encompasses, how religious indoctrination led to Two-Spirit people being ostracised, the cultural and societal roles we assign masculinity and femininity to, how tradition has evolved with community needs, that you don't have to give birth to be a role model, and the importance of telling your own story. More on 

Jul 29, 2021
54. LYNN KEISER: transgender woman

Lynn Keiser is a professional in technology and mentor to younger transgender people. Lynn's pronouns are she/her, and she identifies as a transgender woman. Find out what that means to Lynn in this episode. We also talk about how being trans can offer a unique perspective into human psychology, the evolution of relationships and attraction, facets of identity, leaping into the unknown, and doing as much – or as little – as you need to be happy. More on 

Jul 22, 2021
53. LOR: intersex, non-binary, demiboy, bigender

Lor is an entrepreneur, author and teacher and uses he/she pronouns. He is non-binary, and intersex – assigned female at birth but genetically male – and she is figuring things out when it comes to gender identities, currently working with the labels demiboy and bigender. Find out what that means to Lor in this episode. In addition to the aforementioned labels, Lor also talks about identifying as trans. She has since asked me to omit this label from the title. In Lor's words: "I've since been reflecting on this as I don't believe I should bend to societal pressure to label myself as trans when I am already 'both'. I can't transition into what I already genetically and biologically 'am' - if that makes sense!" Just goes to show we are all very much a work in progress. In fact, Lor has made some very interesting discoveries about himself since we recorded, so a follow-up episode is definitely on the horizon! We also talk about hormone therapy, the vagueness of consent when it comes to medical procedures and the lack of knowledge about intersex variations in the medical profession, reclaiming body autonomy, the wonder that is foetal development, the difference between sex, gender identity and sexual orientation, and why doing identity work is a good idea. More on 

Jul 15, 2021
52. DEAN RASMUSSEN: transgender, trans man, trans-masculine, genderqueer, non-binary, pansexual

Dean is a Life Coach who is passionate about empowering the LGBTQ2S community. Dean uses he/they pronouns. He is a trans man, but they also resonate with the labels trans-masculine, genderqueer and non-binary. Find out what that means to Dean in this episode. We also talk about being a non-binary parent, separating the role of nurturer from gender, experiencing dysphoria in pregnancy, gender assumptions and how we are perceived, how testosterone can affect attraction, and the freedom that can come from trying out names and pronouns. More on 

Jul 08, 2021
51. J LAURENCE SARNO: trans man

Laurence Sarno is a former entertainer and journalist who now runs a marketing communications consultancy. Laurence's pronouns are he/him. He generally describes himself as a trans man, but his joke about labels is that he's everything in LGBTQIA except the 'L' and the 'A'. Find out what that means to Laurence in this episode.. We also talk about being perceived as you are, a very speedy transition journey, privilege, what we can learn from unconventional relationship styles, embracing who you are, unpacking judgements, and becoming your most authentic self. CW: depression, suicide. More on 

Jul 01, 2021
50. Reflections (part 2): discoveries so far

In this second Reflections episode, Katy interviews Esther as she reflects on further conversations she’s had with gender-diverse folks, what she’s learned about gender, as well as her own journey and how she and the podcast have evolved almost a year since the podcast started. We also talk about expectations, finding the essence of each conversation, the subtleties of language, intuition and setting intentions, awareness and facets of identity, assigned titles, smart business decisions, the discomfort of learning, and discovering ourselves as we go. More on 

Jun 24, 2021
49. Being LGBTQIA+ in Higher Education (HE)
This episode was created in collaboration with NEACO (Network for East Anglian Collaborative Outreach) and the University of East Anglia for Pride Month 2021. Kit Rackley (whom you may remember from episodes 1 and 12) and myself have a conversation with students Barney, Charlie, Jacob and Ro about their experiences being LGBTQIA+ in Higher Education. We also talk about fitting in boxes, breaking barriers, finding comfort in anonymity, redefining yourself, looking after your mental health, the importance of asking for help and support, finding yourself as well as your people, and being who you were meant to be. More on 
Jun 17, 2021
48. CARA WILDE: parent of a transgender teen

Cara Wilde is a neurodiverse channel, mystic and Empath. She has two children, one of whom is transgender. Find out more about Cara's journey in this episode. We also talk about questioning your gender and looking beyond body parts as a cis person, assumptions and misinformation about hormone/puberty blockers, supporting and empowering your child and watching them thrive, what it would be like if we were all free to explore gender, and why we should all question what's considered normal. More on 

Jun 10, 2021
47. HELEN BELCHER: woman with a trans history

Helen Belcher is an activist working to promote trans inclusion for more than a decade. Helen's pronouns are she/her, and she is a woman with a trans history. Find out what that means to Helen in this episode. Find out what that means to Helen in this episode. We also talk about the different faces of conversion therapy, losing your religion, being publicly trans in politics, systemic transphobia and holding the media accountable, how the bathroom argument is really about gender apartheid, voting for what we want rather than against what we don't want, and how knowing the direction is more important than knowing the destination on the journey towards being more of yourself. More on

Jun 03, 2021
46. CHARLIZE JAMIESON: transgender woman

Charlize's pronouns are she/her, and she is a transgender woman. Find out what that means to Charlize in this episode. We also talk about the importance of community and local connections, owning who you are, society's obsession with looks, that it's never too late to be brave, how your path is unique rather than right or wrong, and that people don't need to change their minds to have a change of heart. More on

May 27, 2021
45. JAY GENESIS: trans-androgynous, genderqueer, non-binary, abinary, maverique, bi/pan oriented aroace, multiply disabled

Jay Genesis is a German living in the UK, and lover of languages, podcasts and art. Jay's pronouns are any except he and she, with the neopronouns ve/ver/vis as a favourite. Ve uses the gender labels transandrogynous, genderqueer, nonbinary, abinary and maverique. Other labels include bi/pan oriented aroace and multiply disabled. Find out what that means to Jay in this episode. We also talk about what the label 'queer' can encompass, different types of attraction and how they can be experienced, love languages, anarchy and feminism, sovereignty versus autonomy, the issues with gender terminology in different languages, and feeling safe when you're part of the minority of the minority. More on 

May 20, 2021
44. TARA DAX: non-binary

Tara Dax is a biologist, streamer, cosplayer and Trekkie. Tara's pronouns are they/them and they identify as non-binary. Find out what that means to Tara in this episode. As well as geeking out on Star Trek and conlangs (constructed languages), we dive deeper into masculine and feminine. We also talk about finding resonance in pronouns, meaning in a name and connection in a character, and they debunk certain gender arguments people assume are rooted in biology. More on 

May 13, 2021
43. SALLY GOLDNER: bi/pan trans introvert HSP woman

Sally Goldner AM is an educator, speaker, leadership consultant and life coach. Sally's pronouns are she/her, and she identifies as a bi/pan introvert & Highly Sensitive Person (HSP) trans woman. Find out what that means to Sally in this episode. We also talk about how our unique personality labels interact with each other, unlearning and unblocking ourselves, balancing the masculine and feminine in leadership by becoming better at receiving and listening, and breaking the binary by queering Tantra. More on 

May 06, 2021
42. EVEY WINTERS: transgender, transsexual woman

Evey Winters is a transgender advocate, educator, and hot sauce addict. Evey's pronouns are she/her. She uses the labels transgender and transsexual woman, and also educates about both of these labels. Find out what that means to Evey in this episode. Find out what that means to Evey in this episode. We also talk about identity and how it forms, manhood and womanhood vs masculinity and femininity, metagender (which is what's between cisgender and transgender), learning vs education, how to have conversations about gender, and exploring the uniqueness of womanhood. More on 

Apr 29, 2021
41. HARRIS EDDIE HILL: trans non-binary, agender, trans-masculine

Harris is a coach and LGBTQ+ advocate on a mission to educate the general population about gender identity. They're also the host of The Transection Podcast, the third season of which is airing on April 30th. Harris's pronouns are they/them or ey/em. They identify as trans non-binary, agender and trans-masculine. Find out what that means to Harris in this episode.We also talk about doing gender differently, how finding your labels can help you find your people, how much our culture revolves around our reproductive capabilities, finding an unexpected calling as an introvert, and how gender happens to all of us. More on 

Apr 22, 2021
40. BELLA CASCARINI: trans woman

Bella's pronouns are she/her, and she is a trans woman – with more emphasis on the woman part than the trans part. Find out what that means to Bella in this episode. We also talk about what affects how we're perceived, how noticing small moments of genuine happiness can help us embrace our identity, finding a name that feels right, what settling into femininity can look like, how films and tv are problematic in hindsight, hurdles on the coming out journey, working through shame, trusting your gut, and accepting your light and your dark, to your bones. More on 

Apr 15, 2021
39. GENEVIEVE: trans non-binary, genderqueer

Genevieve is a sex and relationship therapist (in training). Genevieve's pronouns are they/them. They say the easiest terms are non-binary and queer, and they definitely identify as trans as well. Find out what that means to Genevieve in this episode. We also talk about being born into activism, performing womanhood, reframing feminism, women's spaces vs LGBTQ spaces, how what's 'normal' is rigid and idealised when it comes to sex and relationships, teaching consent from a young age, and why we should all consider therapy. More on 

Apr 08, 2021
38. DEVI IRONY: non-binary, dominant

Devi Irony is a dominant and sex worker, as well as an activist and educator in the kink and BDSM scene. Devi's pronouns are they/them, and they are a non-binary person. Find out what that means to Devi in this episode. We also talk about the freedom that can come from embracing a label, how certain body parts are not necessarily gender markers, societal conditioning and standards and playing with gender presentation, how gender fits into BDSM and kink, what 'sex work' can include, kink trends in times of a pandemic, and the importance of touch and human contact. More on 

Apr 01, 2021
37. CHARLIE ORRISS: transgender FTM

Charlie Orriss says he would love to be a mental health ambassador one day. Charlie's pronouns are he/him, and he identifies as an FTM (Female To Male) trans man. Find out what that means to Charlie in this episode. We also talk about labels as a protection as well as a hindrance, how gender and mental health go hand in hand, the therapeutic benefits of cosplay, and what Dissociative Identity Disorder can be like. CW: self-harm. More on 

Mar 25, 2021
36. YAS NECATI: non-binary

Yas is a journalist and writer based in London. Yas's pronouns are they/them, and they identify as non-binary. Find out what that means to Yas in this episode. We also talk about detaching activities from gender, pre-colonial gender identities, the importance of writing a will and letter of wishes, why it is essential for public health policy to accurately record trans and non-binary gender identities on death certificates (which is currently not possible), and what we CAN do to respect and honour a person's gender identity after they have passed away. CW: death, suicide. More on 

Mar 18, 2021
35. JARETH NEBULA: transgender, agenderflux, demiboy, alien

Jareth is a multifaceted transgender creature who dabbles in multiple types of artistic expression and crafting, and is also a professional model. Jareth's pronouns are he/him. He is transgender and also likes to use the labels agenderflux, demiboy and alien. Find out what that means to Jareth in this episode. We also talk about the nuances of gender labels, the difference between gender identity and gender expression, modelling before and after coming out as transgender, what we've made masculine and feminine mean, and turning yourself into a walking piece of art. CW: extreme body modification, surgery. More on 

Mar 11, 2021
34. CASSIAN LODGE: non-binary, agender

Cassian's pronouns are they/them and they identify as non-binary and agender. Find out what that means to Cassian in this episode. Cassian started the Gender Census in 2011 and they talk about their main learnings and insights in the nine years of running it. We also talk about finding gender inside (or not), navigating public toilets, passion and experience versus education, the overlap between gender identity and sexual orientation, finding common ground where there appears to only be contradiction and conflict, and microactivism; how small actions can have a big impact. More on 

Mar 04, 2021
33. RACHEL LANGE: non-binary, queer, autistic

Rachel Lange is a parent, freelance writer and artist, as well as editor of QueerPGH, a community-led publication out of Pittsburgh. Rachel loves to hear they/them pronouns, but is not offended by she or he if they are well-intended. They are a non-binary queer autistic person. Find out what that means to Rachel in this episode. We also talk about questioning everything and looking at things differently, being gender non-conforming in different cultures, freeing yourself from gender roles, being a non-binary parent, and giving yourself permission to do things the way you want. More on 

Feb 25, 2021
32. CAMERON: female but trans, trans-feminine

Cameron is a Doctor of Computer Science and University Lecturer. Cameron's pronouns are she/her, and she is a newly discovered woman. She refers to herself as female but trans. Find out what that means to Cameron in this episode. We also talk about gender roles in society and relationships, how life has changed after coming out only a month before this conversation took place, and the role of loss in embracing your true self. CW: abuse, death. More on 

Feb 18, 2021
31. CN LESTER: trans

CN Lester is a musician, writer, researcher, queer/trans/feminist activist, and author of the book Trans Like Me. CN's pronouns are they/them, and they are a trans person. Find out what that means to CN in this episode. We also talk about the importance of strategy when it comes to gender education, effects of testosterone on the singing voice, books, and the queer history of opera. CW: castration. More on 

Feb 11, 2021
30. CASSIE BRIGHTER: Latina woman of trans experience

Cassie is a writer and public speaker focusing on intersectionality and social justice. She's the founder of Empowered Trans Woman and Smart Sluts, a sex-positive community of women.
Cassie's pronouns are she/her, and she is a Latina woman of trans experience. Find out what that means to Cassie in this episode. We also talk about the subtleties and challenges of inclusive language, internalised transphobia, being the best of both worlds, toxic masculinity as a cult, sex positivity and freeing ourselves from shame, female anatomy, consent, and leaving a legacy. CW: suicide, death, rape. More on 

Feb 04, 2021
29. JOE: femme boy, non-binary, trans

Joe is an educator and trainer on improving inclusivity in workplaces and schools at the Norfolk LGBT+ Project, and he's also an artist running a small business as an illustrator.
Joe's pronouns are he/him, and he identifies as a femme boy, non-binary, and trans. Find out what that means to Joe in this episode. We also talk about socialisation and reinforcing gender stereotypes, performing gender versus living gender, medical versus social transitioning, mental health struggles, how being willing to get it wrong is better than staying silent when it comes to supporting people, and the benefits of simplifying life. CW: suicide, self-harm, threat. More on 

Jan 28, 2021
28. RACHEL LAWSON: no gender labels, thank you very much

Rachel is a keen traveller and regular speaker at tech events, usually on the subject of community building. Rachel's pronouns are she/her, and she's not fond of using gender labels for herself. In her words, she is a woman and identifies as a motorcyclist, a technologist, and many other things. Find out what that means to Rachel in this episode. We also talk about being something versus identifying as something, coming out at work, riding a motorbike, travelling solo, and how safety is a relative thing. To clarify some terminology that is used in the episode: T is short for testosterone. More on 

Jan 21, 2021
27. RAY: binary transgender man, FTM, gay
Ray's pronouns are he/him, and he identifies as a binary transgender man, who also happens to be gay. Find out what that means to Ray in this episode. We also talk about how feminism includes everyone, why some men need reproductive health care, the difference between male and female banter, approaching the gender journey from a neurodivergent perspective, and the distinction between using labels as part of your identity versus part of your journey or experience. CW: suicide, addiction. More on 
Jan 14, 2021
26. ANGUS BROWN (ANNIE): transgender woman, butch lesbian
Angus Brown (or Annie to her close friends) is a musician and performance poet whose writing is heavily influenced by themes of gender, sexuality and mental health. Angus's pronouns are she/her and she identifies as as a transgender woman and butch lesbian. Find out what that means to Angus in this episode. We also talk about the balance of masculinity and femininity, the evolution of the word ‘lesbian’, that labels can resonate whatever their original meaning, how gender identity influences self-expression, navigating being a teenager again, sexuality and attraction, and that moving from one side of the line of androgyny to the other side is only a small step. More on 
Jan 07, 2021
25. Reflections (part 1): discoveries so far
This is another episode that’s different from the usual format. We are reversing roles, so Katy is interviewing Esther as she reflects on conversations she's had with gender-diverse folks, what she's learned about gender, as well as her own journey and how she evolved through it. We talk about what it means to Esther to be cisgender, what gender diversity (or a lack thereof) was like growing up, how the podcast is a way of expressing her identity, recovering perfectionism, Vulcan philosophy, and that in the end, we are all more alike than different. More on 
Dec 31, 2020
24. ALF RAVN: agender, transgender, non-binary
Alf is a Danish tiny-house-living minimalist training to become a circus artist. Alf's pronouns are they/them. They are transgender and identifiy as agender and non-binary. Find out what that means to Alf in this episode. We also talk about observing gender from a distance, the obstacles on their transition journey, hormone imbalances and the effects they can have, and asking the question ‘what makes a man a man, and a woman a woman?’ More on 
Dec 24, 2020
23. ROBIN RICE: parent of a transgender adult
Robin Rice is an internationally published author, social change artist and mentor to leaders. Robin uses she/her pronouns and considers herself a cisgender woman. She is the mother of two sons, one of whom is transgender, and runs a project called Your Holiday Mom, which is all about offering LGBTQ youth a loving mother's support between Thanksgiving and New Year's Day. If you’d like to offer support, you can comment on and if you’re LGBTQ+ and are struggling with family dynamics or loneliness at this time of year especially, it’s a wonderful place to find hope, love and acceptance. We also talk about the journey you go through as a parent as you support your child through their gender journey, the importance of a parents’ acceptance, how gender colours everything we choose for ourselves, our children and our world, and just being who you are. More on 
Dec 17, 2020
22. HANNAH WATSON: transgender
Hannah's pronouns are she/her, and she doesn’t mind they/them. She is transgender, and although not fond of labels, the terms non-binary and asexual semi-resonate with her as well. Find out what that means to Hannah in this episode. We also talk about gender identity versus biology versus sexuality, to what degree gender defines you, why the term 'gender confirmation surgery' is a better term than 'gender reassignment surgery' and 'sex change’, conforming to society’s norms, and 'unconventional' types of love, attraction, intimacy and relationships. More on 
Dec 10, 2020
21. FELIX: non-binary, transgender, queer

Felix is a figure skater and university student, who plans to go into teaching. Felix's pronouns are they/them. They are non-binary transgender and describe their sexuality as queer. We also talk about the difficulty with fitting in boxes, having to perform gender, how body and identity are different, the binariness in teaching and sports, and how you can figure out your gender at any age. More on 

Dec 03, 2020
20. ELA XORA: transgender woman, anti Intersex Genital Mutilation activist
Ela is an artist from London, who epicentres her work on classics, binarism and horses. Ela's pronouns are she/her or they/them. She identifies as a transgender woman and is an anti Intersex Genital Mutilation activist. Find out what that means to Ela in this episode. We also talk about the roots of the word hermaphrodite, how the gender-critical movement is far from new, Hippocrates as a gender critical pioneer, the blatant suppression and erasure of transgender and intersex gods – and human beings – in art history and modern museums, and how history is starting to be unmasked. Please be aware we talk about the myth of Cybele and Agdistis in which there is mention of castration. More on 
Nov 26, 2020
19. How to be a better gender-diverse ally
This is a slightly different episode than usual. It’s Transgender Awareness Week this week, and Esther has a conversation with two cisgender LGBTIQA+ people; Tiga-Rose, an intimacy coach and sex therapist in training, and Ophelia, an historian, archivist and conservator, under the watchful eye (or ear) of project co-creator Katy Jon Went, who is transgender and non-binary, about how to be a better gender-diverse ally. We also talk about how to introduce pronouns into conversations and what to do if we get it wrong, the power of names and their importance in identity, ignorance versus privilege when it comes to wanting to be an ally, why we need more unity in the LGBTIQA+ community, how small actions can make a big difference, and that being willing to be wrong and have awkward conversations is essential. More on 
Nov 19, 2020
18. SOPHIE JAMES: transsexual, transvestite
Sophie is a forty-something married parent of three kids and somewhere on the trans spectrum. Sophie's pronouns are she/her. She uses the words transsexual and transvestite of herself, but considers herself to be a work in progress and very much Sophie. Find out what that means to her in this episode. We also talk about finding the balance in family dynamics, having two different personas, and being yourself no matter what labels you use. More on 
Nov 05, 2020
17. SAM BETTENS: transgender man
Sam Bettens is a musician and lead vocalist of the Belgian band K's Choice (founded in 1992) and also of new Belgian electropop band Rex Rebel. Sam's pronouns are he/him, and he identifies as a transgender man. Find out what that means to Sam in this episode. We also talk about music and creative expression, self-identifying, the benefits of ageing, family and relationships, hormone therapy, body image, self-acceptance and being proud of who you are, and finding your voice in a whole new way. More on 
Oct 29, 2020
16. KATY JON WENT: transgender, non-binary, asexual
Katy Jon Went is a public speaker and educator on gender, identity, sexuality, mental health, human rights, diversity and inclusion. Katy's pronouns are they/them or she/her. They are transgender and identify as non-binary and asexual. Find out what that means to Katy in this episode. We also talk about adolescence and development, religion, conversion therapy, crossdressing, being outed, depression, aesthetics, sex workshops, hormone therapy, being a reluctant transsexual, gender reassignment surgery, going on a journey towards authenticity, and freedom of expression. More on 
Oct 22, 2020
15. KYL MYERS: genderqueer woman, gender-creative parent
Kyl Myers is a sociologist, educator, and globally recognized advocate of gender creative parenting. Kyl's pronouns are they/them or she/her. They identify as a genderqueer woman and are a gender-creative parent. Find out what that means to Kyl in this episode. We also talk about being raised with conventional gender roles, trying on different gender labels and pronouns, how names fit or not, what it’s like to bring up a child without gender expectations, and the start of a gender revolution. More on 
Oct 15, 2020
14. ALLAN D. HUNTER: genderqueer, gender invert
Allan came out in 1980 as an identity he distilled on his own, as nothing of the sort was being discussed anywhere that he could find. As for pronouns, Allan says "they are all wrong and I'm not picky”. He now identifies as genderqueer and gender invert. Find out what that means to Allan in this episode. We also talk about sexual orientation versus gender identity, feminism, double standards, gender expectations, finding people like yourself, and listening better to stories that are not like our own. More on 
Oct 08, 2020
13. THEO WILL (TW) McKENNA: genderfluid, non-binary, asexual, grayromantic lesbian
Theo is an aspiring queer writer and lover of memes and video games. Theo's pronouns are they/them (or fae/faer online) and they identify as genderfluid, non-binary, asexual, and a grayromantic lesbian. Find out what that means to Theo in this episode. We also talk about pronouns and neopronouns, the asexuality scale, the difference between sexual attraction and romantic attraction, platonic crushes, queerplatonic relationships (QPRs) and boundaries. More on 
Oct 01, 2020
12. KIT RACKLEY #2: non-binary, trans-feminine, demigirl, genderfluid
Kit is an ex-high school teacher and a passionate educator, blogger, author and performer – focusing on environmental and LGBT+ issues. Kit’s pronouns are they/them, and they identify as non-binary, trans-feminine, demigirl and genderfluid. Find out what that means to Kit in this episode. We also talk about football, privilege, teaching, altruism, politics, the NHS, finding common ground in unexpected places, and what it’s been like being publicly and visibly trans. More on 
Sep 24, 2020
11. CHARLIE CAINE: gay trans man

Charlie Caine is a theatre composer, lyricist and LGBT+ and political activist. Charlie's pronouns are he/him and he identifies as a gay trans man. Find out what that means to Charlie in this episode. We also talk about gender identity & expression vs sexual orientation, gender roles, transitioning, dysphoria, gender identity clinic (GIC) waiting lists, trans visibility and activism, and how there is no such thing as a universal trans experience. More on 

Sep 17, 2020
10. BONNIE BAKENEKO: trans-masculine, non-binary, graysexual
Bonnie is a multimedia artist working with themes of gender, body horror, psychosexuality and trauma. Bonnie's pronouns are he/him or they/them and he identifies as trans-masculine, non-binary and graysexual. Find out what that means to Bonnie in this episode. We also talk about Dissociative Identity Disorder or DID (previously called Multiple Personality Disorder or MPD), gender dysphoria, body dysmorphia, drag, self-expression, body autonomy, radical tenderness and vulnerability, choosing kindness, being a flawed being rather than good or bad, spoon theory, and how the body could be considered a forest rather than a temple. Please be aware that throughout this episode, we talk about dental trauma, sexual abuse, exposure therapy, fetish, and extreme body modification including piercing, scarification and nullification. We also mention self-cannibalism, which we talk about in more detail near the end of the episode. I’ll add a note when we get there, so if you find this disturbing, you may choose to skip the last five minutes. If you find any of these subjects disturbing, you may wish to skip the episode altogether. More on 
Sep 10, 2020
9. ALYS WILFRED EARL #2: trans-masculine, non-binary, genderfluid
Alys Wilfred (or Fred, for short) is a writer, storyteller and folklorist. This is our second conversation, just over 20 months after our first conversation in December 2018, which was episode two of the podcast. Fred's pronouns are still they/them or xie/xir (or he/him if you insist), and they identify as trans-masculine, non-binary and genderfluid. We talk about the minor and major effects of testosterone (or T) injections including voice changes and mental health, body dysmorphia versus gender dysphoria, recovering from top surgery and being topless, options for bottom surgery (phalloplasty versus metoidioplasty or meta for short), and why the term ’sex change’ doesn’t do it justice. More on 
Sep 03, 2020
8. MEL: non-binary, asexual, aromantic
For personal reasons, Mel asked us to take her episode down until further notice. We have honoured her request, and may do a follow-up episode some time. If so, we will update the episode page with the details and add the details here as well. Although Mel's story is unique and there is of course no replacement, you can listen to other episodes from non-binary, asexual and aromantic folks on You can also search by label on
Aug 27, 2020
7. ANGE DE LUMIERE: parent of a transgender child

Ange de Lumiere is a Spiritual Lawyer and Intuitive Business Strategist. Ange moved to the UK from Paris in 2001. She has four children, one of which is transgender, and she started the Parents of Transgender Adults support group earlier this year. We also talk about souls, reincarnation, past lives, choosing your life experience and law of attraction; We talk about gender roles in society, the Silk Ring Theory of support, home schooling, The Hero’s Journey and the ins and outs of running and moderating a support group. More on 

Aug 20, 2020
6. SOPHIA WISE ONE: gender-transcendent
Sophia is a speaker, singer, mentor, transformational storyteller, visionary, and prayer of prayers. She is also the host of several podcasts, including “Vagina Talks with Sophia Wise One”, “Medicine Caller”, and “Temple Erotica: Stories of Sacred Sexuality”. Sophia identifies as gender-transcendent and welcomes all pronouns. Find out what that means to Sophia in this episode. We also talk about the physical experience, spirituality, vibration and energy, the divine feminine, the female body, menstruation, Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder (PMDD), sex, and embodying the genital energy of both sexes. We talk about gender as a role, archetype or presentation, and also conditioning, oppression of the feminine, reclaiming identity, healing, and a vision for the future. More on 
Aug 13, 2020
5. SARAH CORKE: intersex, non-binary
Sarah's pronouns are she/her or they/them. She found out she was intersex at 19 and subsequently got involved with local charity Evolve, which supports transgender, genderqueer, gender-questioning and intersex kids and young adults. Sarah also identifies as non-binary. Find out what that means to her in this episode. We also talk about Androgen Insensitivity Syndrome (AIS), Hormone Replacement Therapy (HRT), gonadectomy surgery, Queer Britain, being different and getting attention, being queer and bisexual, Differences in Sexual Development (DSD) and Intersex Genital Mutilation (IGM). More on 
Aug 06, 2020
4. EDALIA DAY: transgender, non-binary

Edalia Day is a spoken word artist, video designer and theatre maker. Edalia's pronouns are they/them. They are transgender and identifiy as non-binary. Find out what that means to Edalia in this episode. We also talk about acting, clothes, the tv show The Good Place, the gender binary, support groups, visibility and the term ‘passing’, gender options on forms, Hamlet, free speech, representation of trans people in the media and in comedy, and films like Silence of the Lambs and Ace Ventura. More on 

Jul 30, 2020
3. HARRI ELOUISE NELLAR: trans-feminine, non-binary
Harri Elouise was a couple of years into their gender journey when we recorded this conversation in January 2019. Harri’s pronouns are they/them, and they identify as trans-feminine and non-binary. Find out what that means to Harri in this episode. We also talk about the difference between gender identity/expression and sex, gender clinics and the medical transition process, use of singular ’they’ and getting pronouns right, coming out to family, friendships, being a shy kid, and fitting in versus belonging.
Jul 23, 2020
2. ALYS WILFRED EARL: trans-masculine, non-binary, genderfluid
Alys Wilfred (or Fred, for short) is a writer, storyteller and folklorist who specialises in orality, and medieval and early modern textual cultures. Fred's pronouns are they/them or xie/xir and they identify as trans-masculine, non-binary and genderfluid. Find out what that means to them in this episode. We also talk about parenting, transitioning, top surgery, hormone therapy (Testosterone or T for short) and the effects on the body, adolescence, binding, bisexuality, relationship, fertility, writing, storytelling and pronouns. More on 
Jul 16, 2020
1. KIT RACKLEY: genderfluid, trans-feminine, non-binary, demigirl

Kit Rackley is an ex-Geography high school teacher, now working as an education and program officer for a non-profit that promotes and facilitates collaboration between the climate and energy sectors. Kit’s pronouns are they/them, and they identify as genderfluidtrans-femininenon-binary and demigirl. Find out what that means to Kit in this episode. We also talk about labels, gender presentation, parenting roles, the journey of gender discovery, USA thrift stores, San Francisco, Harry Potter, feminism and privilege. More on

Jun 29, 2020