Conflict Owner's Manual
By Dr. Deborah Sword, with co-host Tyson Bankert
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Episodes: 138
Description
Yes, we are your conflict tech support. We help you improve conflict competencies you already have. Our logo is a dandelion because conflict is like a weed invading your garden. You want to know how to manage it, and keep it from spreading. In each episode, we give you one real life conflict competency you can use right away to improve your skills, which will also improve the quality of your relationships.
Dr. Deborah Sword is a specialist in conflict analysis and management. Tyson Bankert is a community facilitator and artist. We have decades of experience helping people improve their conflict competencies.
| Episode | Date |
|---|---|
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How to make allies out of people who disagree with you #139
|
Jun 07, 2026 |
|
Why you shouldn't have that hard conversation 138
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May 31, 2026 |
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How to change the cycle of miscommunication 137
|
May 24, 2026 |
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When they don't listen to your facts, do this instead 136
|
May 17, 2026 |
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What to do when emotions keep you in a conflict 135
|
May 10, 2026 |
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How to get along with difficult people 134
|
May 03, 2026 |
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How to bridge the gap in your conflict competence 133
|
Apr 26, 2026 |
|
How to turn your fear into an ally in conflict 132
|
Apr 19, 2026 |
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What if your beliefs about conflict keep you stuck? 131
|
Apr 12, 2026 |
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Does your conflict recipe miss key ingredients? 130
|
Apr 07, 2026 |
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129 Can you be conflict competent and win the argument?
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Mar 29, 2026 |
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128 How do you thaw a frosty relationship (if they won't reciprocate*)?
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Mar 22, 2026 |
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127 What fight are you trying to win? When your facts won't change their mind
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Mar 15, 2026 |
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126 Better than counting to 10: Five valuable ways to handle emotion in conflict
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Mar 08, 2026 |
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125 Heroes and villains don't fight about their worldviews (but you really should)
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Mar 01, 2026 |
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124 Three conflict competent ways to get the other person to listen to you
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Feb 22, 2026 |
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123 What depletes your conflict competence?
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Feb 16, 2026 |
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122 Five ways to stay non defensive when you're feeling attacked
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Feb 08, 2026 |
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121 When a conflict ends but it's on replay in your mind
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Feb 01, 2026 |
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120 How to make your conflict a positive experience
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Jan 25, 2026 |
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119 Before conflict escalates, consider these options
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Jan 18, 2026 |
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118 When you feel self defensive, use these conflict competencies
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Jan 11, 2026 |
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117 Is your conflict on repeat? You can change that conflict pattern with a (surprise) script
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Jan 04, 2026 |
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116 Three kinds of thoughts that block your conflict competence
|
Dec 28, 2025 |
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115 How do you manage in polarized debates?
|
Dec 22, 2025 |
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114 Is perspective taking a skill that diffuses conflict?
|
Dec 14, 2025 |
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113 What stops you listening and how to fix it
|
Dec 07, 2025 |
|
112 What's a good breakup?
|
Nov 30, 2025 |
|
111 The benefits you get from trying to be conflict competent
|
Nov 23, 2025 |
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110 How is your relatability a conflict competence?
|
Nov 16, 2025 |
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108 What benefits do you get from conflict competence?
|
Nov 09, 2025 |
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109 What conflict competencies help when you're overwhelmed
|
Nov 02, 2025 |
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106 How do you conduct a conflict communication audit
|
Oct 27, 2025 |
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107 Have you done your conflict communication audit?
|
Oct 19, 2025 |
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105 Resolution emerges from owning your conflict
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Oct 12, 2025 |
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104 Superman's intentions are a conflict competence
|
Oct 06, 2025 |
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103 What are conflict competent responses to being offended?
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Sep 28, 2025 |
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102 How is 'owning' your conflict a different skillset than resolving conflict?
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Sep 28, 2025 |
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100 What elite athletes can teach about conflict competence
|
Sep 25, 2025 |
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101 Are you missing opportunities to talk before you judge (and are judged)?
|
Sep 22, 2025 |
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98 What does it mean to own your conflict, and how do you own it?
|
Sep 21, 2025 |
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99 Not every conflict has to become a fight
|
Sep 14, 2025 |
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97 How to use cartoons to practice conflict competence
|
Sep 07, 2025 |
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96 Did your simple conflict get complicated fast?
|
Sep 04, 2025 |
|
95 The good, bad, and ugly of being avoided
|
Aug 31, 2025 |
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94 What's the harm of a polarized conflict?
|
Aug 27, 2025 |
|
93 The good, bad, and ugly of competing as a conflict competency
|
Aug 24, 2025 |
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92 How to talk about workplace conflict at a job interview
|
Aug 20, 2025 |
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91 The good, bad, and ugly of compromising as a conflict competency
|
Aug 17, 2025 |
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90 What is a conflict management mindset?
|
Aug 13, 2025 |
|
89 The good, bad, and ugly of accommodating as a conflict competency
|
Aug 10, 2025 |
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88 How do you resolve a communication mismatch?
|
Aug 07, 2025 |
|
87 Watch TV to practice conflict analysis
|
Aug 03, 2025 |
|
86 What's the right age for repairing a relationship?
|
Jul 30, 2025 |
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85 How to stay non-defensive when verbally attacked
|
Jul 27, 2025 |
|
84 What conflict competencies might have helped my 40 year old self?
|
Jul 23, 2025 |
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83 What do you fear in conflict?
|
Jul 20, 2025 |
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82 What conflict competencies would you wish for your 30-year-old self?
|
Jul 17, 2025 |
|
81 How conflict competence impacts loneliness for the better
|
Jul 13, 2025 |
|
80 What conflict competencies would you wish for your 20-year-old self?
|
Jul 09, 2025 |
|
79 Do you and your roommates (or family) need a conflict management plan?
|
Jul 06, 2025 |
|
78 How do you use and practice conflict analysis?
|
Jul 03, 2025 |
|
77 How to ask good questions that invite conversations
|
Jun 29, 2025 |
|
76 How do you know when to quit trying dialogue?
|
Jun 26, 2025 |
|
75 What movie, show or book shows conflict competence done well?
|
Jun 22, 2025 |
|
74 What makes a good question the right question?
|
Jun 18, 2025 |
|
73 Why describe your conflict in story or simile?
|
Jun 15, 2025 |
|
72 What is a good question?
|
Jun 11, 2025 |
|
71 Do you have a mediator's mindset?
|
Jun 08, 2025 |
|
70 Three steps to being a better listener, (even when you're upset in the heat of conflict)
|
Jun 04, 2025 |
|
69 How to build trust in yourself
|
Jun 01, 2025 |
|
68 where did your conflict mental map come from?
|
May 29, 2025 |
|
67 Is trust a necessary ingredient for managing your conflicts?
|
May 25, 2025 |
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66 How your self-beliefs grow your conflict competence
|
May 21, 2025 |
|
65 What life experiences inform your conflict competencies?
|
May 18, 2025 |
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64 How is self awareness a conflict competency?
|
May 14, 2025 |
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63 Is your frame big enough to picture your whole conflict?
|
May 11, 2025 |
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62 what's in a name? Quite a lot when it's a conflict
|
May 07, 2025 |
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61 how to use opportunities to change your conflict
|
May 04, 2025 |
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60 How do you show curiosity without sounding judgmental?
|
Apr 30, 2025 |
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59 How do conflict competencies affect politics?
|
Apr 27, 2025 |
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58 What does it mean to ask "good questions"
|
Apr 24, 2025 |
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57 What conflict competencies help overcome biased thinking?
|
Apr 20, 2025 |
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56 What's the disconnect between your intention and the impact?
|
Apr 17, 2025 |
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55 How do you express vulnerability in your conflicts?
|
Apr 13, 2025 |
|
54 What's on your conflict mental map?
|
Apr 09, 2025 |
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53 How shame impacts your conflict competence
|
Apr 06, 2025 |
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52 When conflict competence doesn't 'work' for you
|
Apr 03, 2025 |
|
51 Four benefits of doing the work to be more conflict competent
|
Mar 30, 2025 |
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50 What you miss when you respond the same to every conflict
|
Mar 27, 2025 |
|
49 What to do with conflicts stuck in past experiences, present anxieties, or future fears
|
Mar 23, 2025 |
|
48 The difference between presenting issues and real issues in conflict
|
Mar 20, 2025 |
|
47 Train your brain for conflict competence
|
Mar 16, 2025 |
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46 How to decide whether to engage in, ignore or avoid conflict
|
Mar 13, 2025 |
|
45 How empathy mapping builds conflict competence
|
Mar 09, 2025 |
|
44 How to fix talking past each other
|
Mar 06, 2025 |
|
43 What conflict competent tools deal with bullies?
|
Mar 02, 2025 |
|
42 How assumptions, beliefs and intentions interact in conflicts
|
Feb 26, 2025 |
|
41 How to be conflict competent when provoked
|
Feb 23, 2025 |
|
40 Are any ghosts haunting your conflict?
|
Feb 20, 2025 |
|
39 Why you might be reluctant to apologize
|
Feb 16, 2025 |
|
38 What's more effective than calling out someone you disagree with?
|
Feb 13, 2025 |
|
37 What if you are given an "either this or that" forced choice?
|
Feb 09, 2025 |
|
36 How do gossip and conflict relate to each other?
|
Feb 06, 2025 |
|
35 What are the goals of a Conflict Owner's Manual?
|
Feb 02, 2025 |
|
34 Can you trust your judgment in the uncertainty of conflict?
|
Jan 30, 2025 |
|
33 When who is to blame becomes the conflict
|
Jan 26, 2025 |
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32 Three conflict competencies from Matthew Bellas
|
Jan 23, 2025 |
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31 Is conflict competence a "soft" skill
|
Jan 20, 2025 |
|
30 What is the role of context in conflict?
|
Jan 16, 2025 |
|
29 When conflicts outgrow their original boundaries
|
Jan 12, 2025 |
|
28 What's the problem with agreeing to disagree?
|
Jan 08, 2025 |
|
27 Are pessimists more conflict competent than optimists?
|
Jan 05, 2025 |
|
26 Is aggression a conflict competency?
|
Jan 02, 2025 |
|
25 Are your conflicts complex, uncertain and heavy with variables?
|
Dec 29, 2024 |
|
24 Who is correct when opinions differ? This simple exercise helps you know.
|
Dec 26, 2024 |
|
23 What should you do when the other person's opinion is 'wrong'
|
Dec 23, 2024 |
|
22 Three ways to change your conflict pattern
|
Dec 19, 2024 |
|
21 If you dread the family dinner, try these for fun
|
Dec 15, 2024 |
|
20 How to turn conversation competence into conflict competence
|
Dec 12, 2024 |
|
19 Whose permission do you need to be conflict competent?
|
Dec 08, 2024 |
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18 How to lower the heat with your conflict script
|
Dec 05, 2024 |
|
17 Are disappointed expectations causing your conflicts?
|
Dec 01, 2024 |
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16 Does bias influence your decision making in conflict?
|
Nov 28, 2024 |
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15 Has that conflict really ended your relationship?
|
Nov 24, 2024 |
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14 How to get your conflict competence to rise
|
Nov 21, 2024 |
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13 What common expressions are conflict competent?
|
Nov 17, 2024 |
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12 Try this easy exercise to expand your conflict competence
|
Nov 14, 2024 |
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11 What is Dialogue in conflict?
|
Nov 10, 2024 |
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10 How does integrating ideas help manage conflict?
|
Nov 07, 2024 |
|
9 Conflict when the goals are the same
|
Nov 04, 2024 |
|
8 What is a conflict analysis?
|
Oct 31, 2024 |
|
7 How thinking affects your thinking in conflict
|
Oct 27, 2024 |
|
How do you define "conflict"
|
Oct 24, 2024 |
|
How to change the other person in a conflict
|
Oct 20, 2024 |
|
Why is our logo a dandelion?
|
Oct 17, 2024 |
|
How to develop your conflict competence
|
Oct 13, 2024 |
|
Your conflict pattern
|
Oct 13, 2024 |