Your Kick Ass Life Podcast

By Andrea Owen

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Description

Join Andrea Owen, life coach and author, as she serves up self help in a easy-to-digest way that is also practical and implementable. Andrea brings you guests as well as solo episodes on topics such as perfectionism, the inner-critic, courage, and more.

Episode Date
Episode 343: The Enneagram and Personal Development with Jessica Denise Dickson
48:37

How does the enneagram relate to personal development? Well, today we find out. Jessica Denise Dickson is a life empowerment Enneagram coach (and Black mermaid) who believes that when Black women heal, the world heals. She joins me to talk about the enneagram as a transformative tool for personal development. 

I can’t tell you how excited I am about this topic and guest-- as I’ve wanted to have someone on for eons. Today, we discuss what the enneagram is, how it can help you become more self-aware, and help you address your blind spots. We also discuss what the enneagram has to offer during this time of global pandemic and global reckoning with systems of oppression. 

In this episode you’ll hear:

  • There are a lot of ideas about the enneagram - Jessica breaks down what it is and what it is not. (3:59)
  • How the enneagram can help with self-awareness and empathy. (10:38)
  • Learning your type can be a personal and private experience, as well as, one of validation. (14:20)
  • For systems to change, it comes from doing the work. Jessica shares some information about her course for people who identify as white. (29:31)
  • Enneagram and relationships - there are no rules for making it work between different enneagram types. (37:27)
  • Conflict resolution through the lens of the enneagram. (42:58)

http://yourkickasslife.com/343

 

Jul 01, 2020
Episode 342: Are we all in this together? With Mike Robbins
43:47

This week I am sharing my conversation with Mike Robbins. Mike Robbins is a speaker and author of five books, including, Bring Your Whole Self to Work and We're All in This Together. I had a bunch of questions ready to ask Mike about his newest book. But our conversation went in an entirely different direction. And for that, I am grateful.

In this episode, Mike and I discussed the value and importance of talking about race, white privilege, and why being vulnerable is so important, now more than ever. Being vulnerable forces us to ask of others and of ourselves, “Can I trust you with my time, my space, and my voice?” The world is divided - vulnerability is just one way we can begin to open up to talk about and take action for social justice, equality, and civil change.  

In this episode you’ll hear:

  • Mike’s idea and journey for his book, We’re All In This Together. 
  • When he realized we are not all in this together. 
  • Mike’s experience with understanding what white privilege means. 
  • Acknowledging how our conversation is an example of centering whiteness. 
  • One entry point to anti-racism can be helpful is if white people call forward other white people. 
  • The importance of being vulnerable. 

http://yourkickasslife.com/342

 

Jun 24, 2020
Episode 341: The Human Condition and Liberation with Makenna Held
44:17

This week I have an episode featuring Makenna Held. Makenna is someone who is wise beyond her years. She is a writer, educator, and serial entrepreneur. While she's most known for being ‘the woman who bought Julia Child’s house’, that is one of the least interesting things about her. Her business, personal, and leadership coaching is committed to exploring paradigms of the human condition including liberation, human potential, obliterating capitalism's hold on our souls, and the essence of suffering. 

Today, Makenna and I discuss the inheritance of whiteness by white people and why it is our job, (as white people), to unpack and dismantle it. We also discuss putting the focus on the value you provide to people rather than putting the focus on the value of money, how to begin to dismantle the patriarchy, and sitting with the uncomfortable in with personal growth. This episode is a perfect reminder that it’s never too late to make a change. 

In this episode you’ll hear:

  • What Makenna means by “Whiteness is a sickness white people carry.” (5:00)
  • Obliterating capitalism's hold on our souls and putting the focus on the value you provide, instead. (12:30)
  • Where to start: dismantling the patriarchy or patriarchal structures. (18:03)
  • Human design and why it is so important for women to trust their intuition. (32:12)
  • How the concepts of cooking tie into personal development. (38:00)

http://yourkickasslife.com/341

 

Jun 17, 2020
Episode 340: Self-help and social activism
43:16
Before we jump into this week's episode, I want to direct your attention to what I mention in the first few minutes of the show. If you've followed me for some time, you know that I have a firm belief that as a white person, it's not okay to teach personal development and wellness without addressing and breaking down your own unconscious biases, as well as speaking up about it. No one is free until we are all free and we must use our privilege for good. 
 
I want to make it clear what I believe in both personally and professionally, where I'm at right now, and what's in store here at YKAL. The email I mention that's coming has already been written and you can find it HERE.

Have you ever considered the deeper meaning behind personal development and the self-help industry as a whole? This episode with guest Andréa Ranae is guaranteed to get you thinking (and talking), and what she talks about affects everyone, not just coaches or someone in the self-help industry.

Andréa is a coach herself who wrote a blog post last summer titled, Why the Self-Help Industry Isn’t Changing The World, which went viral and has been shared thousands of times since. She believes there is a disconnect between our own industry and the work of social justice, and even offers a Coaching As Activism Program to her clients.

In this episode you’ll hear:

  • Why did her post really strike a nerve with coaches and healers alike? (5 minutes and 15 seconds)
  •  The reasons why the work of changing the world doesn’t stop at an individual (8:15)
  • Why the lessons of the Law of Attraction are laden with privilege - if you are not systematically oppressed (8:51)
  • Why focus on your identity but not how we have been impacted by dehumanizing messages about women? (16:39)
  • How limiting beliefs are instilled in you and why you have to “name it to tame it!” (19:46)

As Andréa shares, “do-gooders” of the world often don’t want to bring “politics” and the stuff that’s happening around us into their work, but it’s something we can hide from. Her opinion is that self-love and self-care will not change the world, and I’m interested to hear from you about your thoughts on our conversation!

Jun 10, 2020
Episode 339: Living Healthy Doesn’t Have to Suck with Talia Pollock
36:00

Talia Pollock is on the show this week! Talia Pollock is the author of Party In Your Plants, speaker, storyteller, plant-based chef, TV personality, and health and empowerment coach. I was a guest on Talia’s podcast, Party in My Plants, last year. She has a fantastic sense of humor, and we hit off well. Talia has a unique and refreshing approach when it comes to being healthy. 

Today, Talia offers ways to take the hell out of being healthy. In Talia’s words, the world doesn’t need more recipes. Instead, she believes we need more courage, confidence, and boldness to take action and make the right choices for our health.

In this episode you’ll hear:

  • Healthy eating, yeah, it kind of sucks. Talia offers some ways to take the hell out of being healthy. (7:36)
  • Why energy is the main benefit of eating plants. (15:48)
  • How Talia’s work is intended to help, people thrive outside the kitchen. (17:57)
  • Confidence is the missing piece for executing our healthy lifestyle. (23:49)
  • What surprises Talia the most about the women she works when she takes them through this journey. (29:05)

http://yourkickasslife.com/339

 

May 27, 2020
Episode 338: Overcoming Overwhelm with Dr. Samantha Brody
38:12

Dr. Samantha Brody, author of Overcoming Overwhelm: Dismantle Your Stress From the Inside Out, is on the show this week. And y’all, who doesn’t deal with overwhelm, right? When she reached out to be on the podcast and told me the title of her book, I thought, “Hell yes, when can we speak?!” Samantha is a licensed naturopathic physician and acupuncturist, and the founder of Evergreen Natural Health Center.

Together we discuss what it means to be overwhelmed, how our values can help reduce overwhelm, and how our subconscious beliefs might be undercutting our goals. Finally, Dr. Samantha shares what food and our food choices have to do with feeling overwhelmed.

In this episode you’ll hear: 

  • What women do to try to combat overwhelm that isn’t working. (7:51)
  • How your values affect overwhelm, how they help you vet your choices, and reduce overwhelm. (9:38)
  • Subconscious beliefs and how they might be derailing your goals. (16:52)
  • The “overwhelm inventory,” what it is and how it helps. (26:21)
  • What food has to do with overwhelm. (31:01)

http://yourkickasslife.com/338

 

May 20, 2020
Episode 337: Your Power, Your Voice with Alexia Vernon
48:47

Alexia Vernon is on the YKAL podcast this week! Alexia is a sought-after speaking and leadership coach to female (and male) executives, entrepreneurs, media personalities, and change makers who want to spread their ideas, positively impact people’s lives, grow their businesses, and advance their thought leadership. Alexia and I have an amazing conversation about visibility and using your voice. I am super pumped to bring you our conversation.

Together we discuss how most problems can be solved with hard conversations. Alexia shares some of her thoughts and advice on how to have tough conversations, what to do when a conversation goes wrong, and how to turn toxic conversations around. 

In this episode you’ll hear:

  • Using communication to move you to take action (7:04)
  • How to find their voice in high-stake situations when there is a lot of fear (11:12)
  • What to do if communication goes wrong (17:54)
  • Alexia’s experience with online bullying during a Facebook ad campaign (25:00)
  • How to turn toxic conversations around with compassion and empathy (41:26)

http://yourkickasslife.com/337

 

May 13, 2020
Episode 336: The Girl on Fire Manifesto with Cara Alwill Leyba
49:01

This week I have Cara Alwill Leyba on the show! Cara is a long overdue guest, and I am thrilled to introduce you to her.  She is a New York City-based creative entrepreneur who encourages women to live their most effervescent lives, celebrates themselves every day, and make their happiness a priority. I love having other guest experts on my show with similar messaging who can offer their unique spin. There's always a new perspective, tool, or strategy to learn. 

In this episode, Cara and I discuss some of the ways women can show up for themselves, how to learn from past experiences, and how to give yourself time to daydream. She also reminds us to ask, “What is the best-case scenario?” instead of, “What if I fail?” Last, she shares her perspective on failure: specifically, that failure is a possibility, but why you should do it anyway.

In this episode you’ll hear:

  • Why choosing yourself is so important (9:00)
  • How Cara actually got to the point of ‘choosing herself’ (10:00)
  • Why women have the capacity to give themselves a permission slip and don’t need to seek approval from others (14:00)
  • Spending as much time with yourself is the best way to get the answer you need (18:00)
  • Viewing rejection as redirection - it’s an opportunity to look at yourself and ask, “How am I going to handle this?” (20:00)
  • Speak kindly to yourself and think optimistically about your dreams (29:25)

Cara Alwill Leyba is a New York City-based creative entrepreneur who encourages women to live their most effervescent lives, celebrate themselves every day, and make their happiness a priority. She is a best selling personal development author, mentor to women entrepreneurs, and creator of The Champagne Diet blog. Over 6 million listeners worldwide tune in to Cara’s podcast Style Your Mind each week for powerful conversations and a mega-dose of inspiration.

Cara is the author of 9 best selling books, including the worldwide sensation Girl Code, that have inspired women around the world to step into their power and fulfill their potential. Cara’s books have been translated into multiple languages like Russian, Chinese, Portuguese, Mongolian, and Vietnamese. Her message continues to transcend cultures and break barriers for women across the globe.

Cara’s stylish and edgy approach to personal development has attracted thousands of women to attend her workshops and events. She has been featured in Forbes, Glamour, Shape, Entrepreneur, Success, Cosmo, Marie Claire, and many others.

May 06, 2020
Episode 335: Bonus Episode for Coaches
34:15

I don’t very often write about or talk on the podcast specifically to coaches. Personal development is my game, BUT, I know there is a decent amount of you that listen to the podcast as well as those of you who are interested in pursuing this profession.  

First, the world needs more great coaches. This pandemic has whispered in all of our ears how precious and fragile life is, that no one gets out of here alive, and the time to live our lives is NOW. 

Second, many newer coaches might be worried their business isn’t viable right now. You may believe that life coaching is a luxury afforded to few. But, just like there are many ways to coach, there are many ways to offer value and help your clients and audience.    

And before I jump in, we do offer consulting here (both with me and my team), click here if you’re interested

Here are ten things I highly recommend doing if you are in the beginning stages of your coaching business, and many of those hold true even if you’re a seasoned coach. 

  1. Get training. Since the coaching industry is currently unregulated, anyone can call themselves a coach, hang a shingle outside and be open for business. And I know some good coaches who have no training, only years of experience. However, coaching requires specific skills that matter for your clients. Plus, clients tend to bring emotional and heavy topics to sessions, and an untrained coach can end up causing more harm than good. So, please, get trained. 
  2. Get support. Building a coaching business is like building any business, you can’t do it with zero dollars and zero support. I’ve talked to people who’ve got their training and think it’s like moving from one job to another. You just quit your other job and start life coaching, right? No. Coaching is not a business, it’s a skill. You still need to build your practice. You are going to have overhead and need time to build, so have savings, a business loan, or a partner with income that can help (and is clear on the fact that they are supporting your business).
  3. Make goals but be flexible. Like anything, make goals. You don’t necessarily need a traditional “business plan”, but you need something in terms of goals and not just fly by the seat of your pants. How many clients do you want or need? Do you want to build your audience to offer group coaching? Speaking? Write it down like you would any other goals. And if you find out you don’t like or aren't good at one aspect, pivot and try other things. Once you make goals and plans you don’t have to marry them. 
  4. Have a mastermind ALWAYS. This is a group of people who are doing things similar to you (not necessarily coaches, but it’s good to put together that group). I’ve been in a mastermind continuously for the last decade. The people in the group have changed over time (the last one I’ve been in has been together for about 3 or 4 years), but the support I’ve received in these groups has been invaluable. You can’t build a business and maintain your mental and emotional health alone. 
  5. In the beginning, have a niche. And always be clear on your messaging. Like any business, in order for people to buy from you, they need to know what problem it is that you solve. Have you ever purchased anything when unclear about what problem you’re having solved by your purchase? Have sore muscles? Buy a massage. Bald tires that are unsafe? Buy new tires. Have marriage problems? Buy time with a therapist. No one pays for a life coach unless they are clear on the problem they are having in their life that they want someone to help them solve. (I go into more depth on the podcast episode on this one as to why my niche now is much more broad than it used to be.)
  6. Tell everyone what you do. Life coaching is still a new-ish service, so if you want people to know not only that you do it, but what it is, tell everyone. Tell your hairstylist, your dog groomer, people you start chatting with in line at Starbucks, everyone.
  7. Hold the vision. Your vision may waver. It may get really hard and you’ll want to quit. Your parents or other family members might tell you you’re crazy for leaving your steady paycheck. Also, I hate to break it to you, unless you LOVE building businesses, your coach training will have been the fun part, and now the real work begins. But, one of my favorite questions to ask myself is to fill in the blank, “Wouldn't it be awesome if…” Wouldn’t it be awesome if I had a full practice and had a waiting list? Wouldn’t it be awesome if I had a best-selling book? Wouldn’t it be awesome if I got paid 5-figures to speak on stages?” In other words, keep dreaming and hold on to those dreams. 
  8. Have a model but be flexible. Like any business, you’ll have a business model. Mine has continued to change continuously over the last decade. You might have a funnel, you might not. You might do lots of free sessions to get clients, you might not. You might offer group coaching, you might not. There is no perfect model (and people who tell you that are just trying to get you to buy their model). The only perfect model is one that works for you that you’ve experimented with and honed over time. 
  9. Do your personal growth work. You can have all the business acumen in the world, an MBA and have been taught by the most successful business people on the planet. And that will take you far. But, if you aren’t working on yourself, none of that really matters. Owning your own business will bring up self-worth stuff, inner-critic, comparison, exhaustion, overwhelm, life balance issues, family role issues, you name it. If you don’t work on those, they’ll just stick around and keep you stuck.  Also, you can’t take your clients further than you’re willing to go in your own life. Sure, you can coach them through anything, but if you’re stuck on a topic they bring because it’s the exact same thing you’re stuck on, it’s extremely hard to self manage. Do you own work for you, and because you want to be a role model for your clients. In other words, walk your talk. 
  10. Be consistent, persistent, and persevere. Slow and steady wins the race. If you’re in it for the long game-- which you probably are-- don’t be fooled by stories that you hear of a brand new coach who made 1 million in revenue in their first year (which if they did, I’d bet all my money they spent $800,000 in ads, business coaches, and other help to get there). This business is just like other businesses, it takes time and consistency to build and nurture. 

If you’re a coach and you feel like you need support-- we offer consulting, as well as coaching packages. We can help you with nailing down your messaging, figuring out what’s the best way for you to market yourself, and even if you want to write a book or start a podcast, we can help with that too. Click here to read more and apply

Plus, if you’re like, “Wow, I should probably work on my fear of visibility or my nasty inner-critic so I can really get my coaching business off the ground”, we're epic at helping people do that too. (Andrea facilitates specific deep, transformational work here, or you can look at a shorter package here.)

http://yourkickasslife.com/335

 

May 01, 2020
Episode 334: unHidden: An Episode for Men and Those Confused By Them with Robert Kandell
38:43

Today I have an interesting episode for you. When Robert Kandell approached me to be on my podcast, I was like, “Wait, whaatttt, who is this guy?” I started looking into his work and he also sent me a copy of his book; I knew I had to have him on the show. He is known as “The Modern Mantor,” is an interpersonal communications and relationship expert, speaker, and podcaster. He is also the author of the book, unHidden: Book for Men and Those Confused By Them

 

Most of the listeners of this podcast are women...but obviously you have men in your lives - whether it be father, brothers, friends, or spouses. And sometimes it can be complicated. Robert and I discuss the different ways in which we can be better communicators with each other, how practicing telling the truth can build stronger relationships, and where and why men tend to hide from their own truths.

 

In this episode you will hear:

 

  • Where men tend to hide and why they hide, plus Robert shares some brain science and explains some of the reasons why men (and women) don’t do the work. (5:18)
  • How Burning Man and an orgy led Robert to a new path in life and relationships. (10:32)
  • The effects of withholding your truth from your intimate partners. (14:58)
  • We are trained to be mediocre communicators, Robert shares one way men and women can have better communication. (19:31)
  • The #MeToo movement was a huge wakeup call to society that the toxic habits of men and women supporting those men can no longer hold up and how the movement has affected men. (25:18)
  • The imbalance of personal development between women and their male companions (whether it be partner, brother, etc). (29:21)

http://yourkickasslife.com/334

 

Apr 29, 2020
Episode 333: The Desire and Curiosity for What’s Next with Jennifer Louden
41:01

Jennifer Louden is a pioneer in the life coaching industry and author of the upcoming book, Why Bother?. I don’t know about you, but I think the title and topic of her book are incredibly timely. As we watch world events unfold, many are probably thinking things like, “Why bother to do that project right now?” Or “Why bother speaking up about the things I believe in?” Why bother?

Together, Jennifer and I discuss her new book and all of the implications of asking the question, “Why bother?” We talk about why it is essential to sit in the grey area of inquiry and curiosity, even when it’s incredibly uncomfortable. And, we explore the idea of desire and the importance of letting desire flow without knowing how it’s going to turn out.

In this episode you’ll hear: 

  • How the writing of a failed memoir led Jennifer to write Why Bother? (10:00)
  • One of the ways “Why bother?” comes visiting (18:18)
  • As we face an unprecedented climate crisis, how asking, “why bother?” helps us address that (19:00)
  • Jennifer shares her six-step process for turning to the bright side of “why bother?” (24:03)
Apr 22, 2020
Episode 332: Your Inner Mean Girl During Times of Crisis with Amy Ahlers
50:09

Amy Ahlers returns to the Your Kick-Ass Life podcast! She has been a life coach for many, many years and is a dear friend of mine. She is a master women’s leadership and life coach, keynote speaker, and the bestselling author of Big Fat Lies Women Tell Themselves and Reform Your Inner Mean Girl. Amy is on a mission to STOP women from self-bullying and being so darn hard on themselves so they can make their greatest possible contribution.

Today we talk about managing your inner mean girl during times of crisis, such as what we’re all going through right now. Together we discuss the idea of leaning into the depth of what is really important to you currently— which could be napping or jumping into a passion project. What is your soul’s message? We also chat about writing and how it can be a powerful tool for healing. 

In this episode you’ll hear:

  • Reform Your Inner Mean Girl: why Amy decided to co-author the book (5:00)
  • Don’t let your inner mean girl beat you up about what you are doing or not during this time of crisis (7:00)
  • The stress response and the antidote to the stress response; the relaxation response (9:00)
  • Common lies women tell themselves like, “It’s too late for me.” (12:00)
  • The many different ways to journal and how Amy’s practice of writing a letter to her inner wisdom (30:00)

Don’t forget to sign up for our free community call, Top 10 Kick-Ass tips to Get Your Project Started, Done or Out the door which will be held on April 22nd at 3 pm Eastern time. You’ll walk away with concrete tools so that you can create new awareness, heal some old stuff that’s been hanging around, and/or finish that novel or blog you’ve been putting off for years. 

http://yourkickasslife.com/332

 

Apr 15, 2020
Episode 331: Breaking the “Good Girl Rules” with Liz Applegate
40:23

This week’s guest is a certified life coach, Liz Applegate. I’ve been wanting to introduce you to Liz because she is my lead coach here at Your Kick-Ass Life! (I so rarely use exclamation marks, so please know, this is very exciting!)  She was hand-selected to assist me with my private coaching clients and I could not be more thrilled to have someone as fantastic as a coach as she is on my team. She is a certified Courageous Living Coach and has been called an inner-critic whisperer by many of her clients.

One of the reasons I wanted to bring Liz onto the show was to speak on the topic of breaking the good girl rules, which is one of her areas of expertise. She explains that these rules are those in which keep grown women playing small. In this episode, we talk about what it actually means to play small, why we move through life unaware of our tolerations, and how we can work to let our innate gifts shine. We also talk about one of Liz’s deepest passions, creating connections with other women. I am super pumped to bring this episode to you today. I hope you enjoy it!

In this episode you’ll hear:

  • Liz’s introduction into the world of coaching, first through being life coached and then transitioning to becoming a life coach herself, in 2015. (6:00)
  • What Liz means when she says, ‘breaking the good girl rules’ 
  • How Liz helps women get to the place of being their biggest/best self
  • Breaking limiting beliefs: what they are and how to break them
  • Creating connections with other women (29:00)

http://yourkickasslife.com/331

 

Apr 08, 2020
Episode 330: Your Best Work Happens in the Dark
43:03

This episode is a mixed bag of topics! First, I talk about how exhausted you might be, and not understand why. Most of us are emotionally and mentally exhausted, so if you need a nap, this is why. 

Next, I move on to values. Values are still important, even though you’re probably not living your life like you were the last time you did values work.I give an assignment in this section of the episode and talk about how the real work happens in the dark. 

I then move into some advice for other life coaches (I know there are a lot of you who listen!). 

About halfway through the episode, I speak to other life coaches, wellness people, and those of you that run online businesses. I’ve seen some people comment that life coaches and healers should stop promoting their services during this crisis, and I’ve got some things to say about this. In a nutshell, if you’re a coach or healer, don’t stop promoting your business because that would essentially be shutting down your business and that won’t help the economy. 

At the same time (and this is for everyone)-- be present as to what’s happening right now. Communicate about it. Be of service as best you can and know your limits and capacity. 

http://yourkickasslife.com/330

 

Apr 06, 2020
Episode 329: Procrastination and Overwhelm: Small Changes Can Make a Difference with Sam Bennett
51:13

I’ve known Sam Bennet for many years now. She’s a writer, speaker, actor, and creativity-productivity specialist as well as the author of the best-selling books, Get It Done and Start Right Where You Are. Sam is the creator of the Organized Artist Company where she helps creative individuals get unstuck and move forward with their goals. She is such a joy and she gives the best advice when I need to hear it.

In this episode, Sam and I discuss procrastination and overwhelm. She reminds us that other people can’t make us feel overwhelmed, it’s a feeling we put onto ourselves. And, she shares some ways to reclaim our power. As Sam said, “When you are doing something you like, in the way you like to do it, it’s not so hard to get stuff done.” 

In this episode you’ll hear:

 

  • What if you let this thing (whatever that thing is for you) be as big as it wants to be? (8:22)
  • Overwhelm and procrastination are BIG words and used to describe many things (10:39)
  • Setting worthy goals and how one can achieve them; plus the ‘groan’ zone (14:56)
  • Some action steps to use your imagination for good (20:50)
  • The eye-opening thing Sam does when she sees people doing things in which she disapproves (30:10)
  • A 5-minute art exercise you can do to help you work through your feelings (32:19)
  • The difference between being creative and being artistic (39:33)

http://yourkickasslife.com/329

Apr 01, 2020
Episode 328: What do you want your behavior to be?
23:15

I want to start this episode by telling you about two resources you may or may not know about. The United Way Emergency Relief Fund is there to help, click here to check it out and apply locally if you are in need. And if you have extra, you can help by donating here

Glennon Doyle, along with her sister, run Together Rising, a non-profit that helps people in need. If you can donate, click here, if you need help, contact contact@togetherrising.org. 

You may or may not know Brandon Stanton of Humans of New York. He posted something on Instagram last week that made me pause and think. 

What I want to focus on is the part where he’s talking about our behavior. 

Of course, our first instinct is to protect ourselves, our children, and our families. That’s normal, human behavior and if we didn’t have this instinct, we wouldn't all be here now. So if you’re beating yourself up for panic buying, or for not having reached out to anyone yet, try to practice self-compassion and let’s move on. 

I’m hoping by the time this episode reaches you, the dust has mostly settled. And by “dust mostly settled”, I mean the shock has worn off, you’ve figured out what your situation is right now, you understand we all need to take this day by day, and if you’re not there yet, you’re working towards a place of surrender. 

And if that’s the case, may we all be able to think about our behavior. Listen in to this episode as I break this down more for you and talk about how to be your best self during this time. I also get into GRIEF, as this might be something you’re dismissing without knowing how important it is. 

Lastly, on April 7th, I’m hosting a free Book CLub Q & A. If you’ve read 52 Ways to Live a Kick-Ass Life and/or How to Stop Feeling Like Shit, you don’t want to miss this! Bring your questions if you have them, and even if you don’t, I can guarantee you’ll learn something from the other women who bring their questions. Click HERE to sign up

http://yourkickasslife.com/328

 

Mar 28, 2020
Episode 327: Harnessing the Power of Womanly Arts with Mama Gena
51:35

Last week I sent out two episodes to help you cope through these uncertain times. You can find them here and here. I’ll be airing another one later this week. But, today, I wanted to put out a regular interview. While we are overwhelmed with heightened anxiety and unsure of what will come next, many may be looking for a reprieve; just 45 minutes to focus on something else. Anything else. I hope this episode is that for you. 

I recorded this particular interview several months ago, with guest Regena Thomashauer (a.k.a. “Mama Gena”). I am such a fan of her work and of her, as a person! She is a teacher, mother, founder, and CEO of the School of Womanly Arts. She has authored four popular books, including her newest New York Times Bestseller, Pussy: A Reclamation

In this episode, we discuss why women should reclaim the use of the word pussy, developing sex appeal and exploring pleasure, and the importance of allowing yourself to feel a full range of emotions. 

In this episode you’ll hear: 

  • Why women should use the word “pussy”, and why many women don’t want to (5:12)
  • A woman who owns her pussy owns her life (18:00)
  • Some ways women can begin to develop their own sex appeal and how to take it back (19:00)
  • How women can start to experience a full range of emotions (33:00)

http://yourkickasslife.com/327

 

Mar 25, 2020
Episode 326: How to Cope in Uncertain Times, Part 2
19:58

Well, first and foremost, I hope you are well, taking care of yourself, and taking care of your loved ones and community if you can. During these uncertain times, that’s the main thing we all need to focus on. 

Before I get into what’s on this extra-bonus episode this week, I wanted to urge you to take social distancing very seriously. If you haven’t played the Social Distancing Game, I urge you to go to this website and play around with the numbers. This is great to do with kids too. It shows you the math on what happens (in other words, how many people will die) if we wait to do social distancing, or if we just have a few friends over who aren’t sick, etc. Yes, people still need to work in order to make money. And yes, it breaks my heart that so many people in the service industry and other industries will take a huge hit during this time. If we work together in our communities, we can help those people recover, and if we practice social distancing we can collectively hit the brakes on this virus and less people will die. 

On Wednesday I sent out a podcast episode where I talked about knowing your boundaries in terms of news and other media. By no means is this the time for spiritual bypassing, but being glued to the news is likely not helpful either. Consume what you need to, take appropriate action, and take breaks. 

I also gave a few more ideas on how to cope, and today I’m back with more. In this episode I’m talking about your physical health (exercise can be your best medicine right now!), your spiritual, and now that I think about it, your mental and emotional health too. All of this is being tested for us, so it’s incredibly important to do your best to stay on top of it. 

In this episode, I also talk about trying to find something to ground you-- a symbol you might see on a fairly regular basis that you can use as a reminder to practice gratitude and/or to remind you to focus on what you CAN control right now. 

I close out the show talking about how eventually, maybe not right now, but eventually this will teach us all something. If you’re in a place to look and listen for that, that’s great. If you’re just barely trying to keep it together, your lessons will come later. 

Lastly, I’m putting together a playlist on Spotify of songs to help get us through this time. Please send me your song suggestions! Once we have a good playlist I’ll send the link out. You can reply to this email or DM me on Instagram. Please tell me the song AND artist. 

http://yourkickasslife.com/326

 

Mar 21, 2020
Episode 325: How to Cope in Uncertain Times
24:39

Originally I had an interview set to go out to you today, but since the world had other plans, we’ve adjusted. 

I want to start out by saying the health and safety of you and your family is what’s MOST important right now. In this podcast episode, I’m going to be talking about how coronavirus is potentially impacting your life, so I just want to make sure you know in case you’re at your limit with what you can take in. Of course, my spin is always positive as I try to inspire you and give you tools to cope, and at the same time, our reality is what it is. 

In this show, I offer a handful of tools to take care of yourself during this time. You know I’m mildly obsessed with coping mechanisms, and right now our coping mechanisms are being put to the test. 

Also, I plan to do two podcast episodes a week at least for a few weeks to help you manage your life while we all try to navigate this new reality. 

Xoxo, 
Andrea

http://yourkickasslife.com/325

Mar 18, 2020
Episode 324: YKAL Coaching Sessions: Fear and Self-Doubt with Rebecca
54:16

This week we dive into another coaching episode, this time with a woman named Rebecca. She is a speech pathologist living in the NYC area. She has been through The Mentorship Masterclass with me and continues to do the work; because the work never stops.  

In this episode, Rebecca opens up about her struggles with self-doubt. She shares her experiences with procrastinating on some tasks that are very meaningful to a big project in her life. You’ll hear us talk through some of her issues and decide upon some exercises she can use to work through them. 

In this episode you’ll hear: 

  • Rebecca shares her challenges and fears around starting her own business (4:55)
  • Her struggles with feeling like she is ‘not doing enough’ (6:45)
  • The fear of being judged and unwanted identities (6:56)
  • Self-sabotage, comfort zones, and the fear of outshining (16:06)
  • A kick-ass update from Rebecca (45:36)

If you’re a regular podcast listener and resonate with what I tell you there and are wanting something a little more...maybe you want more than just the information and you want to actually implement the things I tell you here and in my books, The Mentorship is for you. You’ll walk away with science-based tools to have more confidence, more self-trust, better relationships, better communication (did someone say boundaries!?), so much more self-awareness and you don’t have to travel! Applications close soon, so check it out here

http://yourkickasslife.com/324

 

Mar 11, 2020
Episode 323: Real Experiences from Women Who Have Done the Work
53:51

This week on the show we’re hearing from podcast listeners! I know you like to hear stories from women in the YKAL community once in awhile, so I’ve brought you a few of them. You might hear some of yourself in their stories! 

All of these women share their journey from being a podcast listener and self-help book reader, to diving in deeper. Dana, Kelly, and Millie have gone through my signature program, The Mentorship Masterclass, and I hope you’re inspired when you hear what they’ve gained in their lives. 

First you’ll hear from Dana, who came into The Mentorship from all the way in Australia. She opens by telling us how she was feeling stuck, without a purpose, and having a bit of an identity crisis. You’ll hear her mention how the values work has shaped her and how she still relies on self-compassion that was emphasized in the program. 

Then we hear from Kelly, who had reached mid-life and just didn’t know where to start, but knew she needed to start somewhere. She also mentions how the values work has helped her over the last almost year since The Mentorship ended, and something I LOVED to hear her say, that the tools have stuck with her and she still uses them.

Lastly, we hear from Millie, who heard a podcast just like this one where she related so much to what they women I had on shared. Mostly around the topic of shame and she knew it was “the next frontier” she needed to work on. She mentions she remembers me saying, “If you only remember ONE thing I have taught you in this program, please have it be the steps of shame resilience!” Then proceeds to name them which you’ll hear makes me DELIGHTED! 

One thing you’ll notice is that ALL three women talk about the shared humanity among the participants and how much the group dynamic alone was a big part of the process in a positive way. 

We’re currently accepting applications for the next round of The Mentorship Masterclass, you can read all about it here and apply. We’d love to chat to see if it’s a fit for you.

http://yourkickasslife.com/323

 

Mar 04, 2020
Episode 322: Conversations About Shit That Matters with Unqualified People: Life Lessons from Challenging Times with Andrea and Nicole
45:46

I have another Conversations About Shit That Matters with Unqualified People for you. This week my friend, Nicole Whiting, joins me to talk about some of the life lessons we’ve learned from challenging times (including divorce, suicide, and love addiction). By the way, Nicole is my lead facilitator for the next iteration of Mentorship Masterclass

I met Nicole last year and we became fast friends. During a road trip together, we opened up about some of our deepest, darkest secrets. Yeah, just your usual road trip conversational fare, right? 👀 

After that conversation with Nicole, I realized just how much she has been through and what an incredible human she is, now on the other side of it. So I thought she would be the perfect person to join me for a conversation about shit that matters, in this case, about the complexities of life.  

In this episode you’ll hear:

  • Andrea shares her personal story of heartbreak, infidelity, and divorce and how she got through it (4:49)
  • The traumatic event that changed the entire trajectory of Nicole’s life, and how she thought she had healed until she actually started doing the work (12:17)
  • When Andrea’s self-work started, following her massive love addiction and finding her worth in relationships (21:02)
  • Nicole’s experience with people-pleasing behaviors and finally deciding to take a stand and heal (26:07)
  • Shit still happens to life coaches, so it is important to commit to grievances, practice resilience, and use the tools you have; all things we cover in The Mentorship (39:59)

http://yourkickasslife.com/322

 

Feb 26, 2020
Episode 321: The Fear of Shining Too Bright
28:29

This week on the podcast I turned the mic on after a moment of feeling inspired and riffed for about 30 minutes or so about the fear of shining too bright. 

Every once in a while I feel like there’s a podcast episode I REALLY want you to hear, and this is one of them. 

Because I honest to goodness think we all struggle here. Our culture tells us not to shine too bright. Don’t draw too much attention to yourself, don’t brag, don’t take credit or praise or compliments, don’t take up too much space, don’t shine too much because you’ll make others uncomfortable and you’ll just look bad. 

Even if we don’t consciously think these things, these core beliefs can be embedded in our DNA. Our mothers and our mother’s mothers were taught this too. 

So, I break it down in the episode, plus give you some strategies to help you unlearn this and start shining. 

BECAUSE WE NEED MORE OF YOUR SHININESS. 🌟🔥🌟

P.S. If this episode speaks to you, I invite you to check out The Mentorship. Our fear of outshining comes from deep-rooted shame, more specifically our desire to avoid shame. The Mentorship teaches you the steps of shame resilience, among many other tools to implement in your life to be the best version of yourself you can be.

P. P. S. Podcast art this week is one of my favorite pictures of my daughter and me trying on hats. There she is in all her shiny glory. Multicolored skirt, striped leggings, and Hello Kitty cowboy boots.

http://yourkickasslife.com/321

 

Feb 19, 2020
Episode 320: You Are Not Too Much with Jeanette LeBlanc
42:26

Jeanette LeBlanc is back on the YKAL podcast!  She is the author of You Are Not Too Much: Love Notes of Heartache, Redemption, and Reclamation. Through her work, her writing, and today’s conversation, she offers a different take on how to reclaim your wants, needs, and desires. 

(We’re doing a GIVEAWAY of Jeanette’s book, so make sure you listen to know how to win a copy!)

Women often will put up with suffering or bullshit before deciding to walk away from a crappy situation. It takes a wild amount of courage to step into a life transition. Jeanette believes, “Sometimes our stories are the only things that can save us.”

In this episode, we talk about acknowledging (and honoring) our deep revelations and having the willingness to step into them with radical honesty. Of course, there may be circumstances where you can’t step into your truth and Jeanette shares how her work gives voice to those who are unable to speak out. 

In this episode, you’ll hear:

  • Jeanette’s desire to be in a place of truth and transparency and her journey to get there (5:00)
  • Sharing your truth for the first time is the first and most important step (14:03)
  • Why it is important to acknowledge there is risk to speak your truth and why Jeanette sees her work as the voice for those who can’t (21:00)
  • Jeanette shares an alter ego exercise to help you step into your truest self (31:16)

http://yourkickasslife.com/320

 

Feb 12, 2020
Episode 319: YKAL Coaching Sessions: Money Mindset with Erica
49:59

This week I have another coaching episode for you, on the topic of money. A few months ago Melanie joined me for a two-part coaching session on money and self-worth. But, the topic of money varies widely, from person to person.  In fact, the topic of money is always nuanced and deeply personal. 

In this episode, Erica, who was in my signature program, Mentorship Masterclass, joins me to talk about her beliefs about money.  I have a feeling many will relate to what she has to say about how she feels about money and how she wants to change her mindset about it. 

In this episode you’ll hear:

  • Erica shares her issues with limiting beliefs around money, as well as her shopping and spending habits (7:00)
  • Redirecting your thoughts and feelings about money (10:00)
  • Some of the stories we make up about people whose finances appear to be in tip-top shape (13:20)
  • We explore the question, “What if having the urge to spend is actually okay?” (19:00)
  • Accepting the process, understanding behaviors and realizing that personal development work is almost never linear (27:00)
  • A kick-ass update from Erica about shifting her beliefs around money, complete with a photo of her money crown project (see below)! (43:35)

http://yourkickasslife.com/319

 

Feb 05, 2020
Episode 318: Healing from Patriarchy Stress Disorder with Dr. Valerie Rein
48:54

This week I welcome Dr. Valerie Rein to the YKAL podcast. Dr. Valerie discovered Patriarchy Stress Disorder (PSD) and created the only science-backed system for helping women achieve their ultimate success, happiness, and fulfillment by healing the collective, inherited trauma of oppression. She is also the author of Patriarchy Stress Disorder: The Invisible Inner Barrier to Women’s Happiness and Fulfillment.  

I met Dr. Valerie at an event late last year. I serendipitously sat at her table and as she was talking about her work and her book, I was enamored. In fact, I invited her onto the podcast on the spot. Her work is important, interesting, and backed by science.

When it comes to the patriarchy, as women, there is a deeper issue going on then the blame game. We are not going to heal by pointing fingers. My conversation with Dr. Valerie is just one step of many that will help move women towards healing from the patriarchy. 

In this episode you’ll hear:

  • How Dr. Valerie discovered PSD and how her search began with asking the question, “What is wrong with me?” (5:00)
  • Oppression is traumatic and it is deep in our DNA (10:04)
  • Patriarchy does not equal men and men do not equal patriarchy, patriarchy is a system that has been oppressive and disempowering to women (14:00)
  • PSD is the invisible inner barrier to women's happiness and fulfillment and trauma defenses: mind, body, and action (15:00)
  • Some of the symptoms or circumstances of PSD (and yes, we all have it) (19:00)
  • Dr. Valerie’s message to men and how to bring them into the conversation and still take care of ourselves (32:06)

http://yourkickasslife.com/318

 

Jan 29, 2020
Episode 317: Decade in Review
41:53

At the end of 2019, Facebook memories told me I posted this 10 years ago...

I found it so interesting that I’d posted this (I don’t at all remember what was going on that day), as the decade that was approaching did end up being a decade of tremendous change for me. 

Seeing this prompted me to think about the entire decade and do a “decade in review”. I thought I would share it with you in hopes that you see some of yourself in this and gain some insight from some of my own life lessons. 

In the episode, I start with January 2010, when I had a 2-year-old and a 4-month-old, was finishing up my life coaching certification hours, and blogging under liveyourideallife.com. 

There were two moves across the United States, two book deals, sobriety, discovering our son had special needs, playing roller derby, my dad dying, and more. 

You’ll hear about the thing that truly threw me for a loop, and prompted a withdrawal and what that looked like for me. 

Ending the decade with an offer I couldn’t refuse. 

I close the episode with some life lessons I’ve learned on being a working mom, aging, and what it means to be happy. 

I hope you tune in and do your own decade in review! 

Lastly, applications are opening in February for the Mentorship Masterclass, my signature program. Head over to get on the list to be the first to be notified.  

http://yourkickasslife.com/317

 

Jan 22, 2020
Episode 316: Conversations About Shit That Matters with Unqualified People: Andrea and Kate on Anxiety and Depression
58:28

It’s been a minute since I brought you an episode of Conversations About Shit That Matters with Unqualified People. If you’ve been hanging on to the edge of your seat waiting for the next one to appear in your podcast feed, well, today is your lucky day. Conversations About Shit That Matters is back! If you are new to this series, it features candid conversations with my real-life friends about stuff that happens in everyday life. This is not an episode that offers expert advice, tools or tips. Instead, my friends (who may be experts in other fields) and I come on to talk, explore, and share about specific topics affecting our lives and the world in which we live. 

This week, returning guest Kate Anthony joins me to talk about anxiety and depression. We’ve both struggled with anxiety, and Kate with depression. In this episode, we share our experiences and how we navigate these challenges in our own lives. We do also share some of the strategies we employ in our own self-care regimens. But please note, we are not licensed professionals around this topic. I really hope you enjoy this conversation! 

In this episode you’ll hear:

  • Our experiences with anxiety in childhood and our teen years (7:16)
  • Kate shares her experience with depression and about when her depression and anxiety began to manifest (23:00)
  • My story about how I was diagnosed with severe generalized anxiety disorder and how I felt so betrayed by my own body (25:00)
  • Anxiety and depression medication that helped us and some of the side effects we had (27:00)
  • Our self-care practices and strategies for navigating anxiety and depression (36:01)

http://yourkickasslife.com/316

 

Jan 15, 2020
Episode 315: Happy Birthday To HTSFLS
41:17

Last week I sent out an email telling you all that January 2nd was the second birthday for How to Stop Feeling Like Shit. Over 170,000 copies sold and more than half of those are the audiobook version. It fills my heart with immense gratitude knowing that so many of you have read or listened to HTSFLS. In this podcast episode, I go over what shame has to do with all of the 14 habits I write about in the book. From Isolating and numbing out, to perfectionism and overachieving, it all has to do with shame. 

I go on to talk more specifically about some in regards to all the habits. In talking about this book for the last two years, I heard which behaviors resonated the most with all of you. Tune in to the episode to see which ones! 

The thing is, the real work happens when we take action. Reading books and listening to podcasts is fantastic, and the thing that’s going to allow you to have the most momentum and see the biggest results is when you take what you read or listen to and integrate it into your life. 

As I mention in the episode, as a gift you, you can download the PDF version of all the “hard questions” from the chapters in HTSFLS below. 

Resources mentioned in this episode:
How To Stop Feeling Like Shit
Episode 312: Sexuality and Spiritual Awakening with Jessica Graham
Listen and Subscribe to Not Another Self-Help Podcast

http://yourkickasslife.com/315

 

Jan 08, 2020
Episode 314: Goal Setting with Keith McArthur
46:26

This week on the podcast, I am re-broadcasting my conversation with Keith McArthur because NEW YEAR NEW YOU, right? Keith is the author of the book, “Winning Resolutions: Achieve Your Biggest Goals and Wildest Dreams Once and For All.” He’s also the creator of My Instruction Manual, a website, podcast and book series providing high-quality personal development and content. I’ve been on Keith’s podcast twice and know him to be an amazing interviewer. 

So, about a year ago, I released an episode called, “New Year New You” (ep 262), in which I said, loud and clear, that you do not need a morning routine or for that matter, any routine that doesn’t fit your lifestyle. But yet, I also realize that the new year can be overwhelming for many. That’s why I invited Keith to the show to talk about ways to calm the New Year overwhelm, help shift our mindset around goal setting, and share what he knows about our environment and how it can affect goal achieving. Plus, he shares what values, shame and commitment have to do with it all.  

In this episode you’ll hear:

  • Why we put so much pressure on ourselves at the start of a new year and how shame comes into play (11:49)
  • Keith’s take on the “New Year, New You” mentality (13:27)
  • The biggest mistake people make when creating a goal or resolution. Plus, some science-based strategies for achieving your biggest, baddest goals (16:19)
  • How an accountability partner can help you with goals and the science behind finding the right accountability partner (25:03)
  • Some ways to get back on track if you lose sight or abandon a goal, hint: think ahead!  (27:43)
  • Taking control of your environment and some ways to structure your environment for goal success (40:34)

Lastly, my new creative project with Amy Smith, Not Another Self-Help Podcast drops THIS FRIDAY, January 3rd! Please go take a listen, subscribe, and tell us what you think!  

Jan 01, 2020
Episode 313: Looking Ahead to 2020
24:35

Announcement! Not Another Self-Help Podcast is coming! Amy and I need your personal development questions so hit us up here. Also, we’d be honored if you listened to our first two episodes which drop Friday, January 3rd! 

Two weeks ago was all about looking back on not just 2019, but the entire decade that’s ending. If you haven’t listened to that one, check out episode 309, plus there’s a free journaling PDF.

Let’s start with the basics: values and the way you speak to yourself.

Some people love to have a word of the year, and values work could be married together with that. I talk about values at length in How To Stop Feeling Like Shit, and I’ll give you a crash course here. This will be an important refresher for those of you who’ve done values work before. 

Think about a time in your life where you were proud of yourself. Maybe you took action on something you were afraid to do. Maybe you left a relationship, set a boundary with someone, told someone how you felt or went to a party where you didn’t know anyone. Think of that time. 

What was the value you were honoring then? It might have been courage for being brave enough to do something scary. Or, authenticity for showing up as your best self. Or honesty and integrity for speaking up about something that was important to you. Or, trust for trusting yourself enough to walk away from a situation you know wasn’t good for you. It might be ALL of those things, but what are the values that stand out to you the most? 

I’m thinking of the many clients I’ve had over the last decade and the brave things they’ve done. I had a client who had a strained relationship with her mother, who sat down, planned out everything she wanted to say to her mother and had the talk. Years of resentment, frustration, and hurt came together in a conversation she was proud of. She honored courage, honesty, and authenticity. 

I’ve had a few clients start new businesses and quit their jobs. Honoring meaningful work, creativity, and determination. 

I’m thinking of a client I had who had a difficult year-- the most difficult year of her life. So much loss and struggle...that time in her life she honored perseverance, self-trust, and optimism. 

So again, what values have you honored over the last decade? Sure, you’ve probably wanted to honor more of them, and maybe didn’t. Don’t dwell on those. Your mind may want to point out all the aspired values you have and didn’t do. That you wanted to be more courageous, that you wanted to focus more on your growth or have more balance in your life. For the sake of this exercise, let that go for now. 

The reason I want you to think of these values, to think about the behaviors you’ve done in the past that have made you proud of who you are, is because those are a key to looking ahead. If you’re proud of the courageous thing you did this year, and thinking about that feeling is gratifying, your next step is to think about how you can get more of that in your life in this year coming up. 

Let me remind you, that it’s typically never about the thing you do or want to do, it’s about the feeling you’ll get from having done it or the experience you’ll have while doing it. For example, when I write books, it’s not about the book. It’s about having written it, the pride I get in having done this BIG thing, and honoring my values along the way. 

Listen to today’s episode to hear more about the next important tool I want you to focus on in the new year, and that’s your self-talk. 

http://yourkickasslife.com/313

 

Dec 25, 2019
Episode 312: Sexuality and Spiritual Awakening Jessica Graham
56:47

As soon as I met this week’s guest, I knew I had to have her on the podcast. That is why I am thrilled to introduce you to Jessica Graham. She is a spiritual and sexual activist, author of the book, Good Sex: Getting Off without Checking Out, meditation teacher, and sex and intimacy guide. I first met Jessica when we had a chance meeting, in a cab, in Holland. I am so glad that the universe aligned and put us into each other’s orbit. 

At the time of our meeting, I had been feeling the pull to do some inner work around the areas of sex and sexuality. I knew I needed someone to help guide me. Jessica’s message resonated with me, we shared a lot of things in common, and to make a long story short, we’ve been working together since the Spring. She’s my sexuality doula and she’s been enormously helpful.

Today we talk about shame, the messaging we receive as a children about sex and sexuality, and what that all means. We also talk about the common struggle women face when it comes to their feelings around sex. Plus, Jessica shares how the combination of affirmation and mindfulness can help with sex and intimacy. My hope is that our conversation will encourage you to explore inner work around your own sexuality and spiritual awakening. 

In this episode you’ll hear:

  • About Jessica and her work, and how she is a sex coach who is more than a sex coach (13:00)
  • The struggles and shame around the topic of sex and sexuality (15:36)
  • What brought Jessica to her work as a sexuality, relationship, and self-love guide (19:52)
  • Sexuality inventory: what it is and what’s the purpose (23:00)
  • The most common struggle women face around sexuality and how Jessica helps with the desired outcome (30:00)
  • Why self-compassion is so important to any kind of personal development work (47:00)

Oh and by the way, to celebrate the launch of the new Your Kick-Ass Life website, we’re running a giveaway! It costs zero dollars to enter, we’ve made it ridiculously easy to enter (and you can enter more than once), and all you have to do is click HERE.

http://yourkickasslife.com/312

 

Dec 18, 2019
Episode 311: Self-care + I got nothin’
24:21

When life hands you a bunch of BIG things all at once, they tend to take up a lot of energy, time and capacity in your life. And that’s what I’ve been dealing with lately. I even contemplated taking a break from the podcast this week, but then decided to just turn on the mic and talk about everything that is going on. I believe by sharing some of my experiences and how I am working through them is helpful (not only for me), but for you as well. 

Tune in to the episode as I talk about three big things that are happening in my personal and professional life, what I'm doing about self-care, plus the feelings that surround it (read: guilt) and what you can do for YOUR life if you can relate.

In this episode you’ll hear:

  • My heartbreaking experience with bringing a rescue dog home
  • Some book proposal news and waiting on a book deal
  • Reflecting on how can you slow down in your life and take a break, guilt-free

http://yourkickasslife.com/311

 

Dec 11, 2019
Episode 310: Turn Pain Into Power with Sydney Williams
48:10

This week Sydney Williams joins me on the show!  Sydney is a former collegiate athlete and competitive skydiver (and it was news to me this is a competitive sport!) who unexpectedly found herself on the receiving end of a Type 2 diabetes diagnosis while grappling with unresolved trauma from a decades-old sexual assault. So what did she do? She set out on a mission to turn her pain into power. Two hikes across Catalina Island and 80 miles later, she founded Hiking My Feelings to help others tap into the mind-body connection and healing power of nature that helped kick her self-limiting beliefs and disease into remission. 

In this episode, Sydney and I had a conversation about enduring hardships, the choices we make in the wake of them, and how we cope and make peace with our pain. We also talked about how Sydney’s hiking trips led her to appreciate her body, as well as, accepting and reversing her Type 2 Diabetes diagnosis. Her story is an incredible one. Our conversation was a beautiful one. I hope you’ll listen. 

In this episode, you’ll hear:

  • What led Sydney to hike the Trans-Catalina Trail, completely unprepared, armed only with delusional self-confidence (5:21)
  • Some of the moments and lessons from her first backpacking trip (12:57)
  • Embracing her body just the way it is and taking deliberate action to make her social media feed a place to find positivity and inspiration (13:50)
  • Her Type 2 Diabetes diagnosis, how she handled it and what she did to reverse it (18:22)
  • What it means to unpack your trauma and how Sydney began to unpack her own following a sexual assault (29:03)
  • One step survivors of trauma can take to start the healing process (40:44)

http://yourkickasslife.com/310

 

Dec 04, 2019
Episode 309: Looking Back
26:23

Where were you in November 2009? 

This time ten years ago I had a two-year-old, a newborn, was finishing up my coach training certification and was in the planning stages of launching Your Kick-Ass Life into the Universe. At that time writing books seemed like a far-away dream as I felt I had enough plates spinning (and was dropping more than a few). As I look back on the last ten years, it’s clear that a lot can happen in a decade. 

Yes, I’ve had a lot of success and I’m incredibly grateful for that. But, to be honest, the thing I’m the most grateful for and proud of is the internal growth I’ve done. The mental and emotional growth I’ve intentionally moved through. I couldn’t have had the other successes like writing and publishing books and business growth without doing my own work. 

And I see you. I see you, the woman who listens loyally every week to this podcast, and other personal development podcasts every week. The woman who goes to therapy, who maybe goes to trauma therapy even though she’s had a good week and really doesn’t want to go. Who has that hard conversation with her partner even though she’s afraid. 

The woman who’s taking a closer look at her drinking, or who’s decided to get sober, or stay sober. Who’s kept on going on this personal development journey even though her family teases her about it because they just don’t get it. 

The woman who’s separated or going through a divorce and it’s been the hardest year of her life. And she keeps just putting one foot in front of the other. Who’s struggled with her health or infertility, we see you, we see all of you. 

The woman who’s lost a parent, or a friend, or her beloved pet. 

And no matter what you’re going through, no matter what your year has looked like, I know if you’re listening to this, you ARE on your way, you’re still on your journey to your best life. 

So, this is the last month of the D E C A D E. Let’s take a look back on it. 

Tune into this episode as I ask you powerful questions about where you’ve been, what you’ve learned, and what you want to take with you into the next decade.  There is a special journaling worksheet to accompany this episode too. Be sure to grab yours at the link below!

http://yourkickasslife.com/309

 

Nov 27, 2019
Episode 308: YKAL Coaching Sessions: Answering Your Soul’s Calling with Tracie
43:55

I am pumped to share today’s episode with you! Partly because it is a coaching session episode, partly because Tracie, the lovely lady I am coaching, is a longtime coaching client of mine, and partly because I was (and still am) fired up about the topic Tracie brought to our session! Oh and I also am doing something I haven’t done in a loooonnng time. All the details are in this episode, so you will have to listen in. 😉 

We’re staring down the barrel at the end of the decade. So what are you declaring for the next decade? Well, for this week’s coaching client, Tracie, she’s grappling with following her heart and soul’s deepest passion - starting a business of her own. And as she inches closer to turning 50-years old this year, she came to me, looking for some help and some answers, to move closer to her goal.

Wanting to follow your heart and your passion, but not taking action, is a topic many can relate. In fact, I see this all the time in my work. There may be something you are yearning to do but are unsure how to get there. Maybe your values are misaligned, your inner critic is holding you back or it’s something else entirely.  In this episode, we explore the things keeping Tracie from moving forward, we discuss the concept of, ‘Sometimes being selfish is okay,’ and we walk through some actions steps Tracie can take to reach her ultimate goal - freedom from a job that she feels is holding her back. 

Know that you CAN be selfish, selfless, give back, and answer the calling of your soul.  Keep that fire lit under your ass and in your heart, ass-kickers. And never, ever forget your why. I hope this episode inspires and motivates you to take the next step in your life. 

In this episode you’ll hear:

  • Tracie’s feeling of being stuck in her job and not making any progress towards what she really wants to do (7:00)
  • Not being aligned with what you want to be doing versus what you are doing (8:00)
  • Tracie’s value around freedom and how she is craving it in her life right now (12:47)
  • Feelings of selfishness and the whole concept of ‘what is selfish was okay?’ (16:00)
  • I give Tracie some assignments so she can start going after what she wants in her career (23:17)
  • Tracie’s kick-ass audio update (36:41)

Resources mentioned in this episode:
You Are a Badass At Making Money, Jen Sincero

Nov 20, 2019
Episode 307: Showing Up and Living Life Unapologetically with Nicole Whiting
46:00

This week I welcome Nicole Whiting to the podcast. She is a “life pacer” who turned to running during a time of tremendous hardship. Instead of retreating and playing the victim, Nicole picked something extraordinary, ultra-running, to help her process and move the difficulties through her body. Now an ultra-runner and life coach, Nicole meets women “where they are” and gets them across the finish line. 

I’ve been looking forward to having Nicole on my show for a long time! I met her in January through a Mastermind group and y’all, she’s kinda stolen my heart. 

In this episode, Nicole and I talk about being out of your league, but still committing to being all in, and Nicole’s experience of moving from survival mode to thriving mode.

I love Nicole’s story so much because so many people have experienced some kind of life altering event and struggle to move past it. Nicole says, “The race starts, when it starts to hurt.” And some might say, the real work (when it comes to personal development) starts when things start to feel hard. Our conversation truly talks to that idea and and how physical movement might be the key to help get you through life’s toughest transitions. 

In this episode, you’ll hear:

  • How and why Nicole got into running and became an ultra-marathoner, plus what ultra-running is (9:51)
  • Nicole’s experience with training and participating in an Iron Man race (12:00)
  • How showing up, even in the face of the unknown, could be a gamechanger and what living life unapologetically means (18:00)
  • The trauma Nicole faced when she was 13 and how it shaped her(21:00)
  • Processing emotion through body movement (25:33)
  • Nicole’s emotional and grueling experience running a 100 mile race, and what she learned from it (26:13)

http://yourkickasslife.com/307

 

Nov 13, 2019
Episode 306: Taking a Break
25:35

Solo episode for you this week! Today I’m talking about taking breaks, introversion, and becoming comfortable with the uncomfortable. Recently a friend of mine asked me how she could overcome her introversion. And I was like, “Wait, hold up!” Introversion is a character trait, not something to overcome. It is what makes you, you. Overcoming unwanted behaviors like the kind I talk about in my book, How to Stop Feeling Like Shit, yes absolutely.  

Being an introvert, being tall, or having long fingers - those are things you should embrace and never shun away. I go into this further, in this episode. I also talk about being comfortable with the uncomfortable. To sum it up here, life is a series of uncomfortable and awkward events and conversations. Stop waiting for comfortable. 

Humans are ever-evolving (now I’m not trying to act like we’re better than everyone else, but I’m just sayin’ if you listen to my podcast you’re out there doing hard work and probably evolving at a faster rate than those who don’t. I mean… 🤷). And if I know you, I know you love to read personal development books, listen to podcasts, and know you’re taking action on bettering your life. YAY YOU! 

And sometimes you need a break. In this episode you’ll hear me talk about a big break I’ve been taking, what a psychic told me a few weeks ago about this break, and how I feel about taking lots of action and seeing results, and not taking any action at all. (Hint: you’re always exactly where you need to be). 

In this episode you’ll hear:

  • Someone asked me, “How can I overcome my introversion?” and I share my answer
  • You don’t have to always be ‘moving’ to feel like a productive member of society
  • Why I am such a fan of taking a break and making myself a priority
  • Trust your inner wisdom because she knows what is best for you 
  • My meeting with a psychic and how she called me out 

http://yourkickasslife.com/306

 

Nov 06, 2019
Episode 305: Letting Go of What’s Holding You Back with Shannon Kaiser
41:45

Returning guest, Shannon Kaiser joins me this week on the YKAL podcast. She is the bestselling author of five books on the psychology of happiness and fulfillment, including the #1 bestseller, The Self-Love Experiment and Adventures for Your Soul. Her new book, Joy Seeker: Let Go of What's Holding You Back So You Can Live the Life You Were Made For, is available this week!  It is always a pleasure to talk to this amazing lady. 

Today we talk about joy, spirituality, and authentic living. As you will hear, the underlying message to our conversation is, giving yourself permission to do the things you’ve always wanted to do. We talk about how women can work to trust and believe in themselves, how to live more authentically and how to speak your truth. As Shannon said so perfectly during our time together, “It all comes back to living your life from a place of integrity, a place of truth, and a place of honesty; that is the true joy.”

In this episode you’ll hear:

  • What led Shannon to write Joy Seeker and how her experiences appear throughout it (8:00)
  • Ask yourself, “What have you always wanted to do but have not given yourself permission to do?” (9:00)
  • How women can work to trust and believe in themselves and how we can follow our hearts and our dreams; plus ask yourself, “What dream keeps coming back to you?” (11:00)
  • Being in gratitude and exploring gratitude practices (30:00)
  • How losing what you love most can help you find what you need and honoring your grief (34:00)
  • Letting go of who you think you're supposed to be so you can be who you’re meant to be (39:00)

http://yourkickasslife.com/305

 

Oct 30, 2019
Episode 304: YKAL Coaching Sessions Priorities and Asking for Help with Corrina
49:31

This week on the podcast I have another coaching episode for you. Long-time YKAL community member and Patron, Corrina joins me. She is a working mom from Toronto who needed help with prioritizing time for her own self-care. Here is what I love about this episode, not only is Corrina a loyal listener of the show, our conversation starts out on one topic and ends up going in a different direction. If you’ve listened to some of my past coaching sessions, you’ve come to learn that’s typically how my sessions go. And I love it. 🙌🙌🙌 

Our conversation went from what seemed like a “simple” struggle (and I use the word simple loosely because nothing is ever simple in self-help) and turned to having (or in this case not having) support or help around the household. We discussed partnerships, having hard conversations and how to ask for what you need from your partner, with compassion and gratitude. 

The health of any relationship rests on the reciprocity of love, trust, and the work it takes to create a household. Corrina and I explore this topic together and come up with a possible solution to her current struggles.  As you will hear, Corrina learns that prioritizing means reaching out for help so she can make more, “Yes” decisions for her own wellbeing. 

In this episode you’ll hear:

  • Corrina’s struggle with prioritizing and making time for self-care (6:01)
  • Working through her feeling of shame when it comes to taking care of the home (ie: home not in order or clean) (9:00)
  • Realizing that you can’t do all the things, all the time without feeling resentful (9:21)
  • Communicating the severity of the lack of support around the household and having hard conversations with a partner (18:37)
  • Finding the line between realistic and unrealistic expectations and not trusting your own voice (22:06)
  • Acknowledging and leaning into each other’s love languages (33:21)
  • Telling your partner what you want and need from your relationship with compassion and gratitude (36:00)

http://yourkickasslife.com/304

 

Oct 23, 2019
Episode 303: Creating Inspired Action Through Movement with Erin Stutland
35:17

💥Special announcement, ass kickers! Amy Smith and I are starting a new podcast that will focus on hilarious stories, PLUS answering your burning questions! You’ll hear more about it in the intro to this episode, and you can ask your questions HERE. 💥

This week I welcome back returning guest, Erin Stutland! Erin is a renowned author and mind-body wellness expert and the host and life-style coach of Z Living’s cable series, Altar’d. I reference her work often and I am thrilled to have her back to talk about her book, Mantras in Motion

We live in a culture where we spend a lot of time in our own heads. And while it’s comfortable there, it can hold us back. Today Erin describes how movement in our bodies can lead to inspired action and movement in our lives. We talk about how her work and her book help clear out beliefs holding you back and what it means to move well. 

We also explore the topic of our “own brands of existence,” (aka: the inner critic), and some ways to move away from them. While the whole concept of getting into our bodies, out of our heads, and moving can seem foreign, Erin introduces us to it in such a way that it makes sense and is easy to implement. It’s time to move. 💃

In this episode you’ll hear:

  • The catalyst for writing her book, Mantras in Motion, and what readers can expect from it (9:00)
  • The purpose for combining movement with mantras and helping people reconnect to their bodies; and what the movement might actually look like (11:27)
  • Some ways we can get out of our head and get connected with our bodies (18:00)
  • How movement in your body can create movement in your life (24:16)
  • What Erin means when she uses the word resistance and some ways to move forward from it (25:13)

http://yourkickasslife.com/303

 

Oct 16, 2019
Episode 302: Mental Health, Spirituality, and Moving Forward with Chase Chewning
55:25

This week I welcome Chase Chewning to the YKAL podcast. Chase is the creator of the platform Ever Forward and host of the podcast Ever Forward Radio. I’ve been on his podcast twice and y’all, he is an amazing host who is doing phenomenal things in the wellness industry (and wait until you hear his radio voice. Just wait). Today we take on big topics such as mental health, the revolution in masculinity and moving ever forward no matter the circumstance. 

Chase shares openly with me the physical, emotional, and spiritual trauma he experienced following a serious hip injury, which led to being medically discharged from the military and having to learn to walk again. And like many of the conversations I have with my guests, ours shifted to topics I did not expect but am so glad they did. 

We discussed the stories men (and women) sometimes make up about what it means to be a man (as in hiding one’s emotions) and how a revolution in masculinity is flipping those stories on their heads. As Chase so eloquently stated, “Every area of your life will be significantly better once you get honest, look inside, and allow yourself to feel.” Yes,  we got a bit deep, philosophical, and real in this episode. But as you’ll hear at the top of the show, it’s important to be the person you were meant to be. This episode is a perfect example of Chase and I, doing just that. 

In this episode you’ll hear:

  • The physical, emotional, and spiritual trauma Chase experienced following medical discharge from the military due to a hip injury and having to learn to walk again (11:00)
  • Internal and external healing: who and what was most helpful to Chase (emotionally and physically) during his journey (19:00)
  • Chase on the revolution in masculinity and the importance of women being present with a man while he shares his deepest and darkest fears (27:00)
  • Coming to our own conclusions about religion and spirituality (35:00)
  • Chase’s mantra, Ever Forward: what it means and why it matters so much to him (47:09)

http://yourkickasslife.com/302

 

Oct 09, 2019
Episode 301: Radical Self-Love and Body Empowerment with Sonya Renee Taylor
36:04

I have such a great episode for you this week with my guest Sonya Renee Taylor. Sonya is an author, poet, spoken word artist, speaker, humanitarian, social justice activist, educator, and founder of The Body is Not An Apology. Today, we are talking all about radical self-love, body empowerment and how both can be a foundational tool for global transformation. 

When it comes to self-love, especially in the personal development space, it can be made to look easy, light, and fluffy. But as you’ll hear in this episode, Sonya believes, “Nothing grows without discomfort.” 100%, yes!  Radical self-love requires us to challenge our deeply held beliefs which are keeping us locked in systems of status quo and latency. True radical self-love can help you see the world in a different way and help you shift it too. 

We also talk about body shaming, meta-shame and even a unique and affirming way to spread body empowerment among friends; which can move mountains y’all! I know I say this often, but I truly am excited to share with you my conversation with Sonya Renee Taylor.

In this episode you’ll hear:

  • Sonya’s journey and the path that led her to be recognized as a change agent (6:28)
  • How radical self-love and body empowerment are foundational tools for social justice and global transformation (9:16)
  • Sonya’s definition of radical self-love and why we need it (11:27)
  • Body shaming, what it is, who does it and some ways to overcome it; plus one unique and affirming way to spread body empowerment among friends (17:00)
  • The body positivity movement: where it started, why Sonya thinks it’s a “nice white lady,” and ways in which it can be harmful (26:00:
  • Bad Picture Monday - what it is and how to find it on Instagram (32:00)

http://yourkickasslife.com/301

 

Oct 02, 2019
Episode 300: Dear Fear
36:09

As you may have heard (since I’ve been talking about it almost non-stop here), I’m still writing my book proposal for my third book. Book proposals are a slightly complicated, gigantic document that contains the summary of your book, who the book is for, and what magic fairies you’re going to conjure to help you sell the book. 

It contains other things too, but my point is, the way I describe writing book proposals is it’s like that school project you have that is enormously time-consuming, super boring, a metric shit-ton of work, and 99% of your grade is riding on it. Oh, and the class it’s for is the Big Enchilada Important Class. No big deal. 

As I’ve also mentioned before, this book will be slightly different than my first two. Still self-helpy, but it will have an edge. More opinionated. More in tune with what’s going on culturally and politically. 

And all of this is scary for me, as this entire year has been about healing, moving through all sorts of old shit, and leveling up. 

One of the things I’ve done to help myself is writing a letter to fear. Elizabeth Gilbert talks about this and I decided if it’s good enough for Liz, it’s good enough for me! 

In this week’s episode you’ll hear a few other things I’ve done to move through this time in my professional (and personal) life, and here is my letter to fear…

Dear Fear, 

I’m not sure why I’m addressing you as “dear”, as you’re hardly dear to me in the least. 

Let me start with some compassion since you don’t necessarily deserve to be yelled at, berated, or chastised. So, I get it. I get why you’re doing what you’re doing. You know, or at least are very certain, that if I write a BIG book, (and by “BIG”, I mean with lots of opinions, and “with lots of opinions” I mean opinions that millions of women and men also have the same opinions. Oh, the irony) there is a HUGE risk involved. 

What if people disagree and write mean things about me on the internet? What if I don’t know enough about the topics and I’m criticized for that? 

But, I think the thing that scares you the most, is not bad reviews or haters...but the success of this book. With HTSFLS doing so well, this book has big shoes to fill. And by big shoes, I mean 100,000 copies in 16 months. A big book advance to PROVE how worthy my creativity is. Numbers have weight and there are so many numbers to contend with. To you, Fear, big numbers equal everything good and right in my life. 

There are so many what if’s and OMG’s and expectations. I understand your job is to know these backward and forward. To yell “WATCH OUT” at every turn, every second, and I believe your goal is to convince me to write a book that is so incredibly vanilla that it will be agreeable to all, or if you really had your wish, I just wouldn’t write another book at all. We’d just leave the party of authorhood with HTSFLS, blowing kisses to everyone and call it a day. 

I understand that you are convinced this risk is equivalent to my possible death-- playing Russian Roulette with the general public. That any failure of this book will not only result in public humiliation but will be my death. Death from starvation, or being stoned to death by my haters, or death by massive shame. Or maybe all three. 

Trust me, I feel all of this in my marrow. Every day as I sat down to write the proposal for this book I hear you and feel you. I wring my hands and I worry. I make the anguished emoji face. I get GI issues. 

So, we’re going to make a deal. You and me, fear. But, I need to tell you first that while I get you and see your job and even respect and admire your tenacity for doing said job, I have got this. 

If you remember, I used to sit in my room for hours writing stories from the age of 9. This continued well into my teens and then for a decade or so I stopped writing because I lost myself, (but that’s a letter for another day), but when I picked up writing again it poured out of me. And for years this happened and then I wrote my first book. I actually did it, fear, do you remember? You were there so much during that time. We wrestled, you pushed, I pushed back and in the end, I did it. And we didn’t die-- in fact, it ended up being fantastic, so fantastic I did it again. And like the good worker you are-- always diligently showing up for your shift, on time, with your uniform clean and pressed, you came back that time and we made it through yet again. And that book was fantastic too. Even more so to me because I understood so much more about the creative process, the publishing journey, about myself, and about you. 

I have got this because so many times I write things that I don’t remember. God is writing through me, she knows what needs to be said, and she whispers it to me. And when you’re yelling, it makes it hard for her to be heard. Ya, ya, I know you’re doing your job and I’ll get to our deal in a minute, but I need you to understand just how much I have got this. 

This is important. This book wants and needs to be written. There are women out there of all ages who need this clarity, stories, advice, and my sense of humor to reach the next level in their life. They have their own fear that’s putting the breaks on and listen, Fear, we can have none of that. These women are trying to do incredible things, live better lives, be influences on other women. And they can’t do that if you’re in the way and yelling so loud. 

So, back to our deal. I’m not banishing you or burning you at the stake. You can stay, but if you stay, we have to enlist some boundaries. First and foremost, I am in charge. The boss. The big kahuna. If it’s any consolation, seriously, remember this is our third time at this rodeo. I am fully equipped to be in the driver's seat. 

Second, since you have permission to come along, there needs to be rules around that. No blabbering, no worst-case-scenario, no comparison to my previous writing or to other authors. In other words, I need you to maybe AT MOST whisper your worries when absolutely necessary. I promise I’ll acknowledge you. 

You can’t be in charge fear, that’s the bottom line. I call all the shots and my voice is the loudest, the most important, and the most loving. It has to be. We may need to have future meetings once in a while and that’s fine if you need to give me all the warnings. I’ll hear you out. But, that’s it. 

Deal? Deal. 

Oh, and thanks for keeping me safe all those other times, you know when I legitimately could have died. You’re the best for that. 

http://yourkickasslife.com/300

 

Sep 25, 2019
Episode 299: How to Start Finishing with Charlie Gilkey
48:05

Charlie Gilkey is back on the YKAL podcast this week, this time to talk about productivity with a twist. So many listeners offered such great feedback when he joined me on the podcast the first time around, that I knew I had to bring him back. For those of you new to Charlie, he is the founder of Productive Flourishing and the author of the new book, Start Finishing: How to Go From Idea to Done. Charlie helps people finish the stuff that matters. I mean, come on, we all could use a little bit of that in our lives, am I right? 

In this latest book, Charlie walks readers through some different perspectives around getting shit done, which we talk about in this episode. We touch on topics such as perfectionism and how it’s holding you back from reaching your goals, what to do when the naysayers or derailers don’t believe in your projects, and how to get motivated for a task you are dreading. Plus we talk understanding that you have moments of choice and how changing the way you talk to yourself (and about yourself) can change your life. This is a no-holds-barred conversation on productivity because quite honestly, it’s time to start finishing

In this episode you’ll hear:

  • Why Start Finishing is different from other books on productivity (7:06)
  • What to do when others don’t believe in your projects or ideas (20:00)
  • How to get motivated to do the work you are dreading and what “confetti time” is (30:00)
  • Fixing the load you are carrying so you can fix the overwhelm (35:04)
  • Understanding you have moments of choice, changing your language and why it matters (39:00)

http://yourkickasslife.com/299

 

Sep 18, 2019
YKAL Coaching Sessions: Values, Triggers, and How to Have Hard Conversations with Marisa
52:37

We like the idea of hiring a life coach, the idea of listening to all the podcasts, the idea of reading all the books and then, many times we don’t actually do the personal development work. Yes, doing this kind of what I call “passive learning” does matter. You are getting it in between your ears (better than your inner-critic!). But, there does come a time when action needs to happen. This week I have another YKAL Coaching episode for you. And Marisa, whom I coach in this episode, is a perfect example of someone doing the work

Let’s get into this week’s coaching session. Meet Marisa, a new entrepreneur and recruiting agency employee from North Carolina. She came to me because she wanted to learn how to slow down, which we talk about in this episode. But like many coaching sessions, our conversation took a turn. We turned to the topic of values, including the difference between perfectionism and striving for excellence, as well as, Marisa’s values around integrity and patience. And then the conversation zig-zagged to the topic of triggers around feedback and how her mother, starting from a young age, has been the source of that trigger. This is big stuff, y’all and I am so honored that Marisa opened up and was vulnerable in this way. 

In this episode you’ll hear:

  • Being okay with slowing down and getting into the mindset that when you are building a business, it’s okay to pause (6:10)
  • Wanting a better perspective and clarity around why she launched her business and keeping the entrepreneur fire lit (7:58)
  • Exploring Marisa’s value around patience and the realization that she isn’t giving herself the same love she gives others in that arena (10:00)
  • There’s a difference between perfectionism and striving for excellence (12:45)
  • Self-fulfillment and living a life that honors her true, ‘why’. (19:00)
  • How to have a hard and honest conversation with a loved one, and how the health of personal relationships is bigger than we realize (24:00)
  • A super kick-ass update from Marisa and how she’s been doing the work (46:30)

http://yourkickasslife.com/298

 

Sep 11, 2019
Episode 297: How to Unf*ck Your Brain with Kara Loewentheil
40:05

This week’s guest is going to knock your socks off, y’all. Kara Loewentheil is Master Certified Coach who has pivoted her law career into a life coaching business, using her background in feminism theory to help women get the patriarchy out of their brains.  Kara is also the host of the podcast, Unf*ck Your Brain and simply a stunning individual. 

In today’s episode we talk all about the social messaging we receive as women and how this messaging plays into our own self-critical thoughts. Kara also talks about the work she does with women to undo the process and help them to think about themselves the way they want to. I’ve been looking forward to introducing you to Kara and I hope you enjoy our conversation. 

In this episode you’ll hear:

  • The reason women’s inner critic or not feeling good is a direct result of the patriarchy (6:00)
  • You can’t suddenly be nicer to yourself (aka inner critic work) (10:30)
  • How Kara addresses thought work and those who have experienced trauma and why thought work is so personal (14:56)
  • “Believing harder” when it comes to self-confidence and overcoming insecurity (19:50)
  • There’s a disconnect between women taking action to get the things they really want and what is keeping them stuck (25:10)
  • Beauty standards, diet culture and Kara’s commentary about it all (31:19)

http://yourkickasslife.com/297

 

Sep 04, 2019
Conversations About Shit That Matters with Unqualified People - Andrea and Amy on Money
59:45

I am delighted for this week’s episode; for two reasons. First, we are back with an episode of Conversations About Shit That Matters with Unqualified People. And second, the unqualified person joining me is none other than my bestie, Amy E. Smith. If this your first time hearing her, I know you will love her. And if this isn’t the first time hearing Amy, well, welcome back!  This week, we’re talking all about money. 

Everyone’s experience is different when it comes to money. Our stories vary, our circumstances might be different, but so many of us struggle in the same areas when it comes to money and our emotions. Amy has been on her own money journey for some time now and she even influenced me, gave me pause and helped me realize that I had a lot of money issues I needed to work on too. In this conversation, we share some of our own experiences with money, as well as some tips and tools with doing the work around money. We hope our conversation is hugely eye-opening and helpful. Let’s get on with it! 

In this episode you’ll hear:

  • Why we think women have a unique perspective around money hang-ups (6:06)
  • Unpacking our money stories and our relationships with it (8:01)
  • Doing the work and shifting our perspective about money (18:00)
  • Comparing money and income to others and trying to make others comfortable with your circumstances, plus some other money hangups we are still working on today (35:00)
  • We also share some of our most elaborate money dreams (45:00)

http://yourkickasslife.com/296

 

Aug 28, 2019
YKAL Coaching Sessions: Saying “No” and Putting Yourself First with Colleen
51:25

Raise your hand if you said yes to something you really didn’t want to do. And in doing so, you are saying no to something you actually WANT to do. It’s another exciting day here over YKAL headquarters, because it’s another coaching session episode. 🎉I really enjoy sharing these episodes and I hope you enjoy them too! This week I speak with Colleen, a professional dog walker, who wants to work through saying ‘No’ and putting herself first. I’m sure you’ll be able to relate to what Colleen is struggling with. 

Sometimes in your life you do have sacrifice in order to survive, which was Colleen’s case. But once you make it, it’s time to enjoy and make sure you are putting yourself first.  When you are learning to say ‘No’, realize you are unlearning decades of conditioning. And this can be hard y’all. But at the end of the day, your life, your health matters. So, the hard work matters too.  And that’s what Colleen and I dig into this YKAL coaching session. 

In this episode you’ll hear:

  • Colleen’s struggle with tremendous guilt when saying ‘No’ to her customers (4:58)
  • Anytime we are saying ‘No’ to something, we are saying ‘Yes’ to something else (7:46)
  • Colleen’s lists of core beliefs when it comes to saying ‘No’ and then challenging them (10:58)
  • What core beliefs are and where they stem from (17:46)
  • Negativity bias, shifting your focus and finding positive examples of people who set boundaries (19:42)
  • A kick-ass update from Colleen following our coaching session (46:19)

http://yourkickasslife.com/295

 

Aug 21, 2019
The Courage Habit with Kate Courageous
46:16

To finish up the summer archived episodes run, I bring to you my conversation with Kate Courageous. This episode originally aired in May of last year - but the content is very much still applicable today! If you already heard it, it is worth listening to again. Kate is a dear friend of mine, as well, and I am thrilled that I can share this episode with you again, as it includes her thoughts on fear, courage, and the inner-critic.  

Kate is also the author of The Courage Habit: How to Accept Your Fears, Release the Past, and Live Your Courageous Life.  I am so happy her book is available! Today, we cover the brain science behind courage habits, and identifying and then dealing with habits that are holding you back.  

In this episode you’ll hear:

  • Four fear patterns that get people stuck 
  • Some ways we try to deal with fear 
  • The more you go into the things you fear, the wider your comfort zone becomes 
  • Reaching out and creating a community, courage-based values, and being vulnerable 
  • Fear is a wound and needs understanding and how to strike a balance with fear 

http://yourkickasslife.com/294

 

Aug 14, 2019
Managing Your Inner Mean Girl with Amy Ahlers
50:13

We are back this week with another archived episode that is from a long time ago. In it, my friend and associate Amy Ahlers, author of, Big Fat Lies Women Tell Themselves and Reform Your Inner Mean Girl, talks about all things inner mean girl (aka inner critic)! 

Since the original airing of this episode, I have really gotten to know Amy. She has so much experience and tenure in the personal development industry, this woman knows her stuff, so I am happy to re-share this episode with you. 

We all love formulas and processes, right? Well, Amy has come up with a 3-step process for transforming your inner mean girl, which she talks about in the episode. 

In this episode, you’ll also hear:

  • What exactly is inner-wisdom and what to do if we don’t know where to start when it comes to listening to it. 
  • I ask Amy what is the most common big fat lie women tell themselves. (The answer doesn’t surprise me at all!) 
  • Amy tells us what her biggest trigger is and what are the steps she actually takes to manage her own inner mean girl.
  • I ask Amy about a blog post she wrote, “Is Your Need to Belong Sabotaging You?” and what do we do when we find ourselves changing who we are just to fit in and belong

I love that Amy and I have so much of a similar philosophy about the inner-critic and I hope this episode is helpful to you! 

http://yourkickasslife.com/293

 

Aug 07, 2019
Managing the Motherload with Rebekah Borucki
38:53

Hey Ass Kickers! I hope you are having a happy summer. This week on the podcast, Rebekah “Bex” Borucki is back! For those of you who are new to Rebekah, she is a mother of five, TV host, a meditation and yoga guide, and, a birth Doula. She is also the author of two books, You Have 4 Minutes to Change Your Life and her newest book, Managing the Motherload.  

Rebekah’s mission is to make mental health support and stress management tools accessible to all, especially black and indigenous people of Color, LGBTQ plus folks and other marginalized communities. And I am super pumped to bring my conversation with Rebekah to you today. 

We discuss her new book, including some of the lessons she’s learned over the years from being a mother. But let’s be clear, before you check out of this episode, Rebekah states both in her book and in this episode, Managing the Motherload is not a parenting book. So if you aren’t a parent, today’s episode still applies to you. We discuss topics related to being a parent, but the same topics can be applied to supporting, caring and understanding anyone in your life. For instance, we discuss being a parent of a child that comes out as transgender and unrelated, why bragging can be important for your self-esteem. 

Be sure to tune in until the end to hear how you can enter to win a copy of Rebekah’s book! 

In this episode, you’ll hear:

  • The whole idea behind her Rebekah, Managing the Motherload (8:14)
  • How Rebekah has changed as a mother over the years (12:10)
  • Understanding what really matters and what doesn’t (14:46)
  • We talk about what Rebekah means when she says, “She was a mother before being a woman.” (14:58)
  • The story of Rebekah’s son coming out as a transgender male and some advice from Rebekah for supporting your child who comes out (20:06)
  • Bragging: why it’s important to do so and the best way to brag (31:35)

http://yourkickasslife.com/292

 

Jul 31, 2019
Shame Shields and Making a Scene, with Susan Hyatt
42:47

This week I am sharing an archived episode, because ALL of us, including me, need to take a break every now and again. And I vowed to do just that this July. Today, I welcome you to listen to an oldie but goodie, my conversation with long-time friend, master certified life coach and as of this year, my coach, Susan Hyatt! Susan has been coaching for well over a decade and has thousands of fans, including Dr. Martha Beck and Maria Shriver! 

One of the things that has won her many fans is the fact that this woman walks her talk. She’s used coaching techniques to drop 35 pounds, revitalize her marriage and uplevel her career.

We discuss a mishmash of topics including why body issues are holding women back from leading big lives, what we can do right now to make peace with our bodies, and why it’s so important to take big risks!

In this episode, you’ll also hear:

  • Pay gap, not thigh gap: why body concerns are distracting us from our real work.
  • Why you’ll only reap big rewards if you risk something.
  • What's the #1 way to be successful in career and relationships?
  • What does Susan mean when she says “make a scene”?
  • What are the three shame shields?
  • What is the antidote to shame?
  • What's the one thing comes up over and over that stops us from playing big?
  • If you want the best worthiness workshop what should you do?

Susan and I also touch on the necessity of feeling your feelings, even when it’s vulnerable and painful to do so and how to make a scene in your life. The subjects are deep, powerful and real but you’ll laugh along with us too. Enjoy!

http://yourkickasslife.com/291

 

Jul 24, 2019
YKAL Coaching Sessions: Self-Worth and Money Issues, Part 2 with Melanie
38:21

This week we are back with part two of my coaching session around money with Melanie. The last time we left Melanie, she was going to be diving into some big work around money stories, core beliefs and self-worth. Today we are jumping right back into some big topics around money such as resentment, healing from the patriarchy, and getting to the bottom of unwanted identities. If you missed the first part of our conversation, you definitely want to listen to before checking out today’s episode. 

In this session, Melanie shares how she has been doing with some of the personal development homework assignments I gave her, including what has been working and what she has been resisting (and why). Oh and hey, I would love to know if you are liking these coaching episodes. It’s important for me to know which kind of episodes you love (or don’t), so I can continue to bring you the content you enjoy most! Thank you for joining us for this conclusion of Melanie’s coaching session on self-worth and money issues. 

In this episode, you’ll hear:

  • Melanie shares how the personal development homework went including some resistance she was experiencing (5:06)
  • Dispelling what journaling actually needs to be (5:59)
  • Recognizing comparison issues with others when it comes to money (7:54)
  • Shame as it relates to economic class, plus getting to the bottom of unwanted identities (14:02)
  • Breaking down the belief that women need to be saved when it comes to money (14:46)
  • There’s no such thing as consistency and that’s okay (22:28)
  • Melanie’s hope for the future when it comes to working through issues around self-worth and money (32:10)

http://yourkickasslife.com/290

 

Jul 17, 2019
YKAL Coaching Sessions: Self-Worth and Money Issues with Melanie
41:17

Hi Ass Kickers! We have another YKAL Coaching session episode this week. We received a lot of great feedback last month when I coached Rachel on the show. I am excited to be back again, this time with a two-part coaching episode featuring Melanie. 

If you can walk away from this culture without having any hangups around money, sex, or body image, you’re a-okay. But that’s the trifecta of women’s issues and most of us are feeling “meh”, or at least trying to do the work to resolve these issues. Such is the case with this week’s client, Melanie; a dog mom, working in the dental industry in Colorado. 

During today’s session, she opens up about some issues she has been having around money, including managing money, self-worth, and her core beliefs about what it means to be wealthy. I am so appreciative of women like Melanie for coming on the podcast and sharing their lives with us. At the end of the day, we are having conversations around the big topics that are hard for all of us. So, thank you, Melanie, for sharing and thank you, ass kickers, for listening.  

In this episode, you’ll hear:

  • Uncovering Melanie’s issues around money (4:40)
  • The role gender plays for Melanie when it comes to money (5:59)
  • How and why self-worth is so tied up with our beliefs about money (6:41)
  • The stories we make up about money and an exercise to help identify when you are making up a story (10:24)

http://yourkickasslife.com/289

 

Jul 10, 2019
This Messy and Beautiful Life with Danny-J
56:29

This week on the podcast I welcome, Danny-J, an award-winning entrepreneur, keynote speaker, podcast host and storyteller. Danny-J's work can be heard in her weekly show, The Best Life Podcast and can be followed in real time on all the social media platforms. She uses her real "Jerry Springer Life" stories to engage with her audience, teach life lessons and inspire others to rewrite their stories. And y’all, just wait until you hear some of her stories in this episode!  

Danny-J shares her story of teen pregnancy and the decision to place her daughter for adoption, plus she details how she learned she had a biological father and met him many years later as an adult. It is so refreshing to hear honest and open stories of those in the personal development field.  Danny-J shares how she processed everything and made it through to the other side. Plus, we talk about core beliefs and letting go of the ones that no longer serve you, changing negative self-talk and affirmations (are they actually bullshit or not?). Danny-J is totally, “my people” and I am excited to share our conversation with you today. 

In this episode, you’ll hear:

  • Danny-J’s teen pregnancy, the decision to place her child for adoption and reuniting with her many years later (7:13)
  • Knowing when it’s time to rewrite your story and some steps to take to get there (20:04)
  • Affirmations: are they really bullshit and how you may be able to use them, but don’t work by themselves (24:56)
  • Finding the tools that work for you when life gets really messy (31:07)
  • Danny-J’s story of finding out she had biological father, meeting him years later and how it has affected her life, her  identity piece and the world around her (38:14)

http://yourkickasslife.com/288

 

Jul 03, 2019
How to change other people (hint: you can’t)
29:31

Today’s podcast episode comes from a podcast listener. She asks: 

I am wondering if you have any strategies for how to help move people to a place of readiness to change?

I have been doing a lot of work on myself over the past two years and am feeling so much better in my life and I notice myself wanting to spread this joy to others and show them they too can feel better!

There is one person in particular in my life who I am very close to who is raising two daughters who I am even closer to. I find it very hard to sit back and watch her suffer due to her lack of skills with dealing with difficult emotions, social anxiety, and control issues. I know she is definitely not ready to change from previous conversations. She immediately shuts down any time someone tries to hold her accountable for her part in problems, uses silent treatment with them, takes no ownership for her actions and shows no awareness that all signs point to her having significant social anxiety. My heart SO wants to help this person. It is more difficult watching the pattern begin to repeat itself in her daughters. 

I know logically that there is nothing I can do because people have to be ready to change. And I have to let go of the attachment that I can "change someone". But I guess I am hopeful there are ways to support someone in moving towards being ready to change. 

How does one gently increase a person’s awareness? 

Raise your hand if you’ve ever been in a situation where you KNOW you can help someone or at least point them in the direction of helping them out. 🙋🙋🙋

I have much to say about this-- the do’s and don’t’s and everything in between. Listen in as I also tell you HOW to say what can be helpful for your friend or loved one, as well as how to take care of yourself. 

http://yourkickasslife.com/287

 

Jun 26, 2019
YKAL Coaching Sessions: Upper Limit Problems with Rachel
01:09:45

I am especially pumped for today's episode because it is the first time I am coaching someone on the podcast. I am so excited! But, before I dive into the content of today’s episode, I wanted to give a crash course in life coaching (for anyone new to the concept) and share how I actually coach my clients.

Traditionally, life coaches act as a guide when working with clients. They ask the right questions or offer clients different perspectives. One important item to note: life coaches don't give advice nor do they give their opinion. The way I work with clients is a mix between life coaching and consulting or advising. Because I've been doing this work for so long and with the same type of woman, I see patterns over and over and over again, which helps me better help those I work with. I also get really curious. You will hear this as you listen to my session with Rachel.

Speaking of Rachel, she is one of my past group coaching participants and kindly agreed to do this special podcast coaching session episode. During the session, we discussed her fear of advancing in her career, which we identified as an upper limit problem (which I KNOW is a common struggle!). We also uncovered a quiet, yet powerful inner voice that says, “Yes, you can do this.” The session is thought-provoking, empowering and engaging. I have been thinking about doing this kind of podcast episode for so long. The day has finally arrived and I hope you enjoy it!

In this episode, you’ll also hear:

  • Uncovering Rachel’s upper limit problem and discussing aspired values (20:04)
  • Explanation of an upper limit problem, what it is and how to address it (24:26)
  • An exercise in talking through the worst case scenario when it comes perceptions by people in the workplace (30:54)
  • Uncovering a quiet yet powerful inner voice or what Rachel refers to as a vibration or wave (42:46)
  • A kick-ass update from Rachel (1:04:04)
Jun 19, 2019
What We Should Know About Social Justice with Dr. Tee Williams
01:10:22

This week’s episode has been a long time coming. It all started back in 2016, following the presidential election. At the time, I realized I needed to take a step back and unlearn a lot of the things that I had learned as a young adult. I needed to look at many important things through a new lens and figure out what I could do with my platform that's helpful to those that follow me. The thing is, if you’re “doing” personal development (whether you’re a student, teacher, or both), the topic of social justice matters. The end.  

I spent a decent amount of time conversing with people, reading, and listening to podcasts about societal justice, the patriarchy, and race relations, all in an attempt to understand, at a deeper level, the world that surrounds me. One of the people I’ve been learning from is Dr. Tee Williams. Dr. Tee is an educator, consultant, and writer residing in Los Angeles. His passion is helping people and organizations transform themselves so that together we can collectively transform the world.

The online world of social justice can be very confusing and overwhelming, am I right?

What can we do?

Who do we learn from?

Where do we start?

What does social justice mean?

And, what does liberation mean?

These words and phrases get thrown around so much. And the reality is, a lot of us don't know what they actually mean or look like. Dr. Tee is here this week to help us sort it out and make sense of it all. And y’all, he teaches with such grace and a great sense of humor. He is a great pleasure, I am sure you will agree!

In this episode you’ll hear:

  • What we can do and why should we do it when it comes to standing up for social justice (6:57)
  • The importance of using your brilliance and critical thinking in the evaluation and the incorporation of information being shared in media, online and in the world around you (10:30)
  • What liberation means, the critical liberation theory, and liberation as a framework and philosophy (15:09)
  • The difference between calling in versus calling out (46:45)
  • Doing the work to come back from saying or doing homophobic, heterosexist or racist comments or acts (47:16)
  • Unpacking feelings of hurt, oppression and injustice so you can learn and move forward (51:26)

http://yourkickasslife.com/285

 

Jun 12, 2019
Episode 284: Let’s Talk About LOVE with Kira Sabin
46:11

Hey ass kickers! I'm happy to bring you today’s podcast episode with guest, Kira Sabin. Kira is a positive psychology practitioner and a certified life coach. She is obsessed with having bigger conversations around love and relationships; annnnd, Kira is a real life friend of mine, which means I am EXTRA excited to share this episode with you.

This week we are talking about relationships, Kira’s area of expertise. But wait, even if you aren’t partnered, stick with us. The conversation we're having today doesn't matter if you are partnered or if you are single. This episode is for everyone because all humans are in some kind of relationship and are deserving of love. In this episode we discussed love and what it actually is (or can be), the knowledge that love is for everyone and how to overcome feelings of unworthiness.

In this episode you’ll hear:

  • What nobody teaches us about love and why Kira doesn’t believe in love at first sight (7:28)
  • The knowledge that love is for everyone, why many don’t feel worthy of love and how to shift that thinking (14:07)
  • How attached people can be wonderful for their single friends (20:05)
  • Life lessons from Kira: one of Kira’s biggest regrets and the best piece of advice she’s didn’t take and had to learn the hard way (23:56)
  • Family of origin and being taught how you learned to love (32:59)
  • Why the missing piece to relationships is vulnerability (40:02)

http://yourkickasslife.com/284

 

Jun 05, 2019
Episode 283: How to stop comparing your personal development journey to others
27:44

Hi ass kickers! This solo episode comes from something one of my clients told me about, and it was something I’ve heard from many women in the YKAL community.

My client went to a live event-- a personal development sort of conference/retreat. She went alone, and this particular client is, like many people, massively uncomfortable with vulnerability, but really wants to change and grow, so she did the vulnerable thing by going alone to this event.

The event was all women, and a few hundred there. As the days went on, my client kept noticing people talking about their “a-ha” moments, their breakthroughs, and how their felt their lives shifting.

And my client was feeling...well, not that. It’s not that she didn’t enjoy herself and have many takeaways from the event. But, she fell into comparisonitis.

Listen to the episode as I talk more about what to do if you find yourself comparing your personal development journey to someone else’s.

http://yourkickasslife.com/podcast/283/

May 29, 2019
Episode 282: The Science of Happiness with Dr. Sasha Heinz
42:45

This week Dr. Sasha Heinz is hanging out with me on the podcast. And as usual, I am super excited! I can’t help it, y’all-- I get excited when I get to talk to someone who I know in real life mostly because I CAN’T WAIT to introduce them to YOU.

Sasha is my friend, is very, very smart and talks about all of the things we love to talk about over here at the YKAL headquarters, like negative self-talk and perfectionism. She is a Developmental Psychologist and Life Coach, is an expert in Positive Psychology, lasting behavioral change, and the science of getting unstuck.

In today’s episode we talk about being deliberate with our thinking and how doing so has an effect on our emotions. We also talk about negative emotions and how we can have either gratuitous negative emotions or instructive negative emotions (and what that all means, plus what I call them instead of “negative” emotions). And we also tackle the million dollar question, “How can someone get to a place of worthiness, of feeling worthy?”

In this episode you’ll hear:

  • What positive psychology means and how it got started (5:22)
  • Being deliberate about your thinking so that your emotions are moving you toward the life you want to be living and who you want to be (15:03)
  • Worthiness and feeling like you are not enough and some steps to help get to a place of worthiness (16:10)
  • The science of happiness and how your circumstances really don't dictate your happiness (30:06)
  • Social media and emotions - why we would all be much happier by deleting our social media feeds (38:40)

http://yourkickasslife.com/282

 

May 22, 2019
Episode 281: Taking Up Space with Kelly Covert
47:55

I am super excited to bring you this episode for three reasons! First, I have a fun confession at the top of the show. Second, I make an announcement about a new addition to the podcast format and let me tell you, I am soooo excited about it. And last, but certainly not least, I am thrilled to share my conversation with Kelly Covert!  

Kelly is the creator of In Her Voice, a podcast for women who are called to do more. Yes, Kelly, yes! She is also an inner voice coach with a passion for helping women believe and achieve their big vision. I simply love this woman and I have no doubt you will too.

In today’s episode, you’ll hear Kelly and I talk about inner voice coaching and what it is. Plus, we talk about the importance of taking up space in the world as a woman, which in a nutshell means deciding you are worthy of sharing your story, your thoughts, and your feelings without fear or regret. Finally, we close out our conversation on the topic of inspired potential and how tapping into it is not about having to live up to something, but instead it is about something that you live into. Kelly offers so much wisdom and insight into connecting with your inner voice. I loved our conversation and I hope you do too!

In this episode you’ll hear:

  • What inner voice coaching is and how someone can become more connected to their own voice of truth (6:08)
  • How to start a practice of quieting your negative self talk and tune into your inner voice (7:49)
  • Taking up space in the world and some small steps that people can take towards doing so (18:38)
  • Inspired potential, what it is and why it’s so important (37:36)

http://yourkickasslife.com/281

 

 

May 15, 2019
Episode 280: Unleash Your Story with Jeanette LeBlanc
01:01:11

It’s May y’all, I just come alive in the springtime! I am equally excited to bring you my conversation with Jeanette LeBlanc, writer and author of the book, “You Are Not Too Much.” I have followed her work for a while and think she's a brilliant writer. And yes, in this episode we're going to be talking about writing.

Specifically, we talk about writing rituals, how to create one and use it to connect with your story. Plus, we talk about how writing can be transformative and even therapeutic.  If you don't consider yourself a writer, don’t skip this episode. Why? Well, because we also touch on that topic too. I believe that we are all writers in our own right and we all have a story to share. Whether you plan on sharing your story with one person, nobody or millions, writing can be an amazing outlet for creativity and meditation.

In this episode you’ll hear:

  • Why “I’m not a writer, so nevermind,” doesn’t fly with Jeanette and why helping people that think that way is her passion (5 minutes and 25 seconds)
  • Jeanette shares her journey as a writer including how she wrote herself out of one life and into another (6:06)
  • Free writing, what it is and do people really have a hard time doing it? (11:47)
  • How the act of writing can transform you and change how you show up in the world (27:57)
  • Writing rituals, what they are, what people think they are and how someone can begin a writing ritual to connect with their story (29:16)

http://yourkickasslife.com/280

 

May 08, 2019
Episode 279: 44 things I’ve learned in 44 years, Part 3
23:43

Hi ass kicker! Happy birthday to Your Kick-Ass Life Podcast! She is SIX YEARS OLD! 🎉🎉🎉To celebrate, over the last few weeks I’ve been taking you through 44 Things I’ve Learned in 44 Years.  If you missed the previous episodes of this list, you can see and listen to part 1 HERE and part 2 HERE. Today’s episode, part 3, will take you through numbers 29-44.

Also, there’s still time to enter the giveaway for a chance to win one of many prizes! You can do that HERE.

So, without further ado, here are 44 Things I’ve Learned in 44 Years:

  1. Cleaning up my own messes is the best way to sleep at night. This means apologizing when I’ve been an asshole and just generally doing my best to fix things I’ve made a mess of.
  2. Taking radical responsibility for my life is the only option.  No one else is responsible for my happiness. No one.
  3. My children don’t define me. I used to think becoming a mother would be my ultimate life purpose. It isn’t. I used to have a lot of guilt and shame about that. But, I don’t anymore.
  4. No relationship will complete me. Not a single one.
  5. “Taking the edge off” really needed to be examined. For me, I was taking off all the edges. And sometimes edges just need to be dealt with.
  6. Many times exercise really is the best medicine.
  7. The voice in my head that tells me I’m not enough is a liar.
  8. Progress, not perfection.
  9. If I listen, my body is usually trying to tell me something.
  10. I only apologize when I really, truly can stand behind it.
  11. There will always be people that don’t like me and it’s not my job to change their minds. (I admit this one is still tough. It’s a one-day-at-a-time lesson.)
  12. My parents did the best they could, with what they had at that time.  And as parents, that’s all we can do.
  13. Forgiveness is more about me, and not them.
  14. Time really doesn’t heal all wounds—I’m in charge of that. Time helps, but being proactive is the catalyst.
  15. All wisdom is created from healed pain
  16. Trying to control everything is my one-way ticket on the crazy train. Sometimes I forget this and get on board.
  17. The comparison trap is basically made-up stories of what I think someone else’s life is like
  18. We’re all scared. We all have fear. The people that say they are fearless are just pretending.
  19. None of us get out of this alive. And in the end, I want to be proud how I lived it.
  20. At your funeral, no one will talk about your failures. So, keep failing until you get it right.
  21. Uncomfortable conversations are always hard. However, that elephant in the room isn’t going anywhere (and takes up a lot of space)—so you might as well call it out.
  22. Most people really are too busy thinking about themselves to be obsessing about you like you think they are.
  23. That person that treats you like shit is a giant invitation to not be around that person, ever.
  24. If you spend time nosing in other people’s business, there’s probably something important in your life you’re purposely avoiding dealing with.
  25. Having an open mind can many times blow your mind.
  26. None of us are broken or need fixing. Improvement, yes.
  27. Whatever you think you are, will be your truth. And you are completely in charge of that, babe.
  28. The moment in an argument that you realize you’re either being unreasonable, that the other person has a point, or that you’re just wrong, is the exact moment it’s time to admit it and apologize.
  29. You may be wishing, hoping, and praying for X, Y, and Z, but are you mentally and emotionally ready for that?
  30. Looking at your relationship with money and working on that can be a game changer financially.
  31. It’s okay to change your mind.
  32. While we all compare ourselves to others, watch out when you’re comparing your beginning to someone else’s middle.
  33. I’m pretty sure in regards to parenting, that I worry 1000 times more about their life than my children are worried about their life. And this is just the thing about parenting.
  34. 3Wear sunscreen on your neck.
  35. Time is more valuable to me than money. Money is infinite, time is finite.
  36. When someone I care about shares something meaningful and I don’t know what to say, the best thing to say is, “I’m not sure exactly what to say right now, but I’m so glad that you told me.”
  37. When someone is being a jerk or cuts me off in traffic, instead of getting angry (which is so easy) I wonder if they’re acting that way because they reeeeeallly need to poop.
  38. Unsolicited advice is the worst advice.
  39. Creativity is your birthright. We’re all creative.
  40. You don’t have to have a morning routine to live your best life.
  41. Your friendships should be a priority (even though I don’t like to “should”.)
  42. Say “sorry” only when it’s truly necessary.
  43. Getting curious can sometimes be the best thing to do.
  44. Take all personal development advice with a grain of salt. ;)

http://yourkickasslife.com/279

 

May 01, 2019
Episode 278: 44 things I’ve learned in 44 years, Part 2
33:32

Hey ass kickers! Continuing from last week I’ve written 44 Things I’ve Learned in 44 Years and am breaking it up into 3 parts! Part 1 was last week and today is Part 2!

In Part 3 which will air on May 1st, you’ll get the list in its entirety.

And if you haven’t heard, last week was MY BIRTHDAY! 🎉🎉🎉Not only that, but coming up on May 1st, Your Kick-Ass Life Podcast is turning SIX YEARS OLD! To celebrate BOTH birthdays, we’re giving away some prizes. A coaching session with me, gift cards, books, and more! Click HERE to see the prizes and enter to win.

Here’s part 2, and if you missed it, please listen to part 1.

  1. All wisdom is created from healed pain
  2. Trying to control everything is my one-way ticket on the crazy train. Sometimes I forget this and get on board.
  3. The comparison trap is basically made-up stories of what I think someone else’s life is like
  4. We’re all scared. We all have fear. The people that say they are fearless are just pretending.
  5. None of us get out of this alive. And in the end, I want to be proud how I lived it.
  6. At your funeral, no one will talk about your failures. So, keep failing until you get it right.
  7. Uncomfortable conversations are always hard. However, that elephant in the room isn’t going anywhere (and takes up a lot of space)—so you might as well call it out.
  8. Most people really are too busy thinking about themselves to be obsessing about you like you think they are.
  9. That person that treats you like shit is a giant invitation to not be around that person, ever.
  10. If you spend time nosing in other people’s business, there’s probably something important in your life you’re purposely avoiding dealing with.
  11. Having an open mind can many times blow your mind.
  12. None of us are broken or need fixing. Improvement, yes.
  13. Whatever you think you are, will be your truth. And you are completely in charge of that, babe.
  14. The moment in an argument that you realize you’re either being unreasonable, that the other person has a point, or that you’re just wrong, is the exact moment it’s time to admit it and apologize.

This is just the beginning! Stay tuned for next week when you’ll hear Part 3 which is the podcast’s birthday! 🎊🎊🎊

http://yourkickasslife.com/278

 

Apr 24, 2019
Episode 277: 44 things I’ve learned in 44 years, Part 1
35:00

Hey ass kickers! Guess what? It’s MY BIRTHDAY! 🎉🎉🎉 In celebration, you’re getting the podcast episode a couple days early AND we’re doing a GIVEAWAY!

Not only is it my birthday today, but coming up on May 1st, Your Kick-Ass Life Podcast is turning SIX YEARS OLD! To celebrate BOTH birthdays, we’re giving away some prizes. A coaching session with me, gift cards, books, and more! Click HERE to see the prizes and enter to win.

I’ve written 44 Things I’ve Learned in 44 Years and will be breaking it up into 3 parts, because obviously I want to talk to about all the 44 things! In Part 3 which will air on May 1st, you’ll get the list in its entirety.

  1. Cleaning up my own messes is the best way to sleep at night. This means apologizing when I’ve been an asshole and just generally doing my best to fix things I’ve made a mess of.
  2. Taking radical responsibility for my life is the only option.  No one else is responsible for my happiness. No one.
  3. My children don’t define me. I used to think becoming a mother would be my ultimate life purpose. It isn’t. I used to have a lot of guilt and shame about that. But, I don’t anymore.
  4. No relationship will complete me. Not a single one.
  5. “Taking the edge off” really needed to be examined. For me, I was taking off all the edges. And sometimes edges just need to be dealt with.
  6. Many times exercise really is the best medicine.
  7. The voice in my head that tells me I’m not enough is a liar.
  8. Progress, not perfection.
  9. If I listen, my body is usually trying to tell me something.
  10. I only apologize when I really, truly can stand behind it.
  11. There will always be people that don’t like me and it’s not my job to change their minds. (I admit this one is still tough. It’s a one-day-at-a-time lesson.)
  12. My parents did the best they could, with what they had at that time.  And as parents, that’s all we can do.
  13. Forgiveness is more about me, and not them.
  14. Time really doesn’t heal all wounds—I’m in charge of that. Time helps, but being proactive is the catalyst.

This is just the beginning! Stay tuned for next week when you’ll hear Part 2, and then on May 1st (the podcasts birthday!) you’ll get part 3!

http://yourkickasslife.com/277

 

Apr 15, 2019
Episode 276: Be impractical
37:46

Well, hello there, ass kickers! I’m ESPECIALLY excited about today’s episode because it’s an episode that truly came from the fire in my heart. After a client session, I sat down, turned on the mic, and birthed a talk I think you’ll love. Special thanks to Kelly, who was open enough for me to use her session topic for this episode.

In this episode you’ll hear:

  • Kelly’s struggle with building self-trust and putting yourself out there
  • Why there is no step-by-step process for building self-trust - whomp, whomp! But there is a way to gain self-trust (and its sister, self-confidence)
  • What the ONE JOB is of your inner-critic
  • Listening to your intuition vs. your inner-critic and stepping out of your comfort zone
  • The importance of pursuing what makes you happy even if it seems impractical

And if you loved this episode, you may want to check out working with me 1:1. There are three ways to do so:

  1. My longer, deeper work that focuses on curriculum stemmed from all of my training, including The Daring Way™ (methodology from Brené Brown’s research) click HERE.
  2. A shorter package that packs a punch-- these sessions are all open. In other words, no curriculum. YOU pick your primary focus and we dive in). Click HERE for that.
  3. Last, you can book a VIP Day, where I can come to you, or we can meet at an agreed upon destination. Click HERE to hang out with me during a VIP Day.

http://yourkickasslife.com/276

 

Apr 10, 2019
Episode 275: Sometimes you have to just ride it out
23:08

You might be going through a really tough season in your life. You might be in that near desperate or full-on desperate place of wanting your situation to change.

Maybe you’re going through a really hard break up. Or you hate your job. Or someone at work is a nightmare. Or your partner’s ex is making life hell for you.

Many times, there’s no ANSWER or SOLUTION that will change how you feel or the situation you are in. You may know the tools, you may have the support, maybe you’ve done therapy and your year has just SUCKED. It’s continuing to suck and it feels like there’s no end in sight.

The answer, the solution is that you have to just persevere.

I have so much more to say on this, so if this is you or you know someone who is in this place (or you suspect you might be in this spot one day), this is for you.

Also, I have two spots for 1:1 coaching right now, if you want to read about my longer package, you can click here, or a VIP Day is here.

http://yourkickasslife.com/275

 

Apr 03, 2019
Episode 274: How to Be Resilient in the Face of Adversity Cornell Thomas
43:23

Okay y'all, this week’s guest, Cornell Thomas, is my new best friend. Seriously. He is also the perfect example of turning a loss into a win. One week before accomplishing his dream of playing professional basketball, he suffered a career ending injury. And rather than stay in, “Why me?” mode, he turned his attention to, “What now?,” instead. Today Cornell is a global speaker, multiple title author, mindset coach, corporate trainer, and social entrepreneur. And you know what else he is? He is funny, endearing and passionate about fostering a positive mindset to overcome adversity. I absolutely adore him and I know you will too.

In this episode Cornell shares so poignantly his story of adversity and how he overcame it. He also provides some insight and advice to those who may be facing their own internal or external battles. Midway through the episode, Cornell and I both get fired up about writing and putting your story to paper. Just do it!  We go on to talk about being resilient and how to actually practice resilience when a storm comes and knocks you on your ass. Finally, Cornell reminds us why gratitude is always the answer. Yes life is hard, but this episode is a reminder that you can be resilient and move past adversity with gratitude and grace.

In this episode you’ll hear:

  • Cornell’s story of adversity and how he turned “Why me?” into “What now?” (9:30)
  • If you have story inside of you, get it out on paper!  (24:08)
  • Saying, “No,” to things you like to, in order to do the things you love (28:42)
  • Some ways to practice resilience in the face of adversity and the importance of weathering life’s “storms” (31:40)
  • Fatigue mindset: what it is, how to overcome it and finding your finish line (35:36)

http://yourkickasslife.com/274

 

Mar 27, 2019
Episode 273: Living Your Own Truth with L’Erin Alta
41:01

The first inkling of Spring is in the air and it’s got me pumped! You know what else has me pumped? Starting in April I’ll be rolling out something new over here at YKAL headquarters. If you like the podcast, then I think you will like what I am cooking up. I’m going to start sending short, to the point, “lift your day up” emails. They’ll be informative and kick-ass (obviously). They’ll go out to YKAL subscribers about 2-3 times a month. So, if you want in, you can click HERE to sign up.

Alright, alright, alright, now onto this week’s episode! I welcome the ever lovely, L’Erin Alta. L’Erin is a personal growth facilitator for women. She teaches women how to stand in the brilliance of their own light. CAN I GET A HELL YES!? I followed her online for a long time and I am currently in a year-long program she is teaching. She is so wise and exudes so much peace. I just can’t get enough of her. I know you’ll love her just as much as I do!

In this episode L’Erin and I talk about living your own truth and stepping into your sovereignty (plus what that all means). We also have an insightful conversation about getting comfortable with people being disappointed in you when you break out of your “good girl” shell. Plus, we talk about creating internal boundaries and why they are essential. Our conversation is one about growth, self-acceptance and expanding your curiosity; all without compromising who you were always meant to be.

In this episode you’ll hear:

  • What is a sovereign woman and how you can move towards becoming one (6:52)
  • Why we fall into the trap of self-doubt and self-trust (8:14)
  • Shatter points, what are they and what are some turtle steps to take when walking through them (14:16)
  • Some ways to let the “good girl” die and set the world on fire and being comfortable with disappointing people (18:08)
  • Creating healthy internal boundaries are essential, plus some examples (24:14)
  • L’Erin’s routine and rituals that help keep her grounded (30:23)

http://yourkickasslife.com/273

 

Mar 20, 2019
Episode 272: Conversations About Shit That Matters With Unqualified People: Andrea and Ella on Aging
51:26

This week I bring to you another conversation about shit that matters with unqualified people. My good friend Ella returns to the podcast to join me in a candid talk about the aging process. Ella is an Inspirational Speaker, a Personal Development Coach and the host of the popular On Air with Ella – a podcast about living better, starting now. She’s also an “IRL” friend, who lives locally to me.

Ella and I are in this awkward and uncomfortable mid-life time in our lives. We know we’re just beginning into this “tipping point” into the aging process (I mean, the part where you see marked changes). This topic is something that comes up in our discussions every once in a while and, I thought it would be good to bring to the YKAL community. Take note, this is not a conversation between two women complaining about aging. I promise.  These episodes are all about the real conversations I have with the women in my life. And serve as a reminder that like you, I don’t have everything figured out either. These episodes are here to help us all think a little bit more critically about life and look at things with a little bit of humor too.

In this episode you’ll hear:

  • Why conversations about aging are really about acceptance
  • “Aging gracefully” and what we really think of the phrase
  • In the weeds of the aging process and getting to a place of contentment
  • Grappling with the idea of getting Botox or other aesthetics aging treatments
  • The patriarchy, aging and becoming “unfuckable”
  • The gray hair debate and going gray
  • Not throwing in the towel: showing up as vital regardless of age 

http://yourkickasslife.com/272

Mar 13, 2019
Episode 271: Energize and Expand Your Life with Susan Hyatt
44:07

This week on the YKAL podcast, I am especially excited to introduce you to my guest, Susan Hyatt.  Susan is a Master Certified Life Coach, weight loss expert and creator of the Bare™ process. And if you ever wondered who coaches me to be my absolute best professionally and even personally - it’s Mrs. Susan Hyatt!  She holds a special place in my heart, plus we go waaaay back.

This week Susan joins me to discuss her new book, BARE, and the seven-step process she outlines to help transform your body, get more energy, feel amazing and become the bravest version of yourself. Yes, Susan, YES! I wholeheartedly agree with everything she has to say in her latest book and cannot wait for you to hear our conversation.  But wait, there’s more! You’ll hear, in this episode, how you can win a free copy of Susan’s book, BARE, plus another bonus giveaway.

In this episode Susan and I talk about diet culture in today’s society and the need for appreciating your body. We also touch on the importance of eating with attentiveness, a new approach to exercise and how to look at clothing in a whole new way. Finally we talk about practicing self-love with bravery and grace and the power to embody who you are without fear or regret - own it!

In this episode you’ll hear:

  • About the diet culture that exists today and the need to appreciate the body you’re in (3:54)
  • Susan’s experience with a coach and the question that changed things for her life (7:51)
  • Power foods and pleasure foods and the importance of eating with attentiveness (14:17)
  • The benefits of exercise and a new approach to exercise (21:47)
  • How to take a new look at your closet and the effect your clothing has on you (26:19)
  • How to detox your mind and talk to yourself with love (29:03)
  • Why it’s hard to stay consistent with healthy habits (36:09)
  • The importance of reshaping your mind and your life and harnessing your energy for things that impact your life (39:01)

http://yourkickasslife.com/271

 

Mar 06, 2019
Episode 270: My inner critic and how I manage it
36:09

If you've read my books, you know I write about the inner critic a lot. In fact,  you can't escape me talking about the inner critic in most of my work. And guess what, this week’s podcast episode is all about the inner critic too. Because the way you speak to yourself, the thoughts that run through your mind and even how you speak about yourself to other people, matters. It matters significantly.

Managing your inner critic was one of the first real tools I learned in my coach training.  It blew my mind that you can actually learn how to manage this voice in your head. And, I’ve come a long way, y’all. A long way. I do want to be clear, managing your inner critic is not about completely eradicating your negative self talk. That’s never going to happen. Sorry, not sorry.

Sometimes when we listen to people on podcasts or we read their self-help books, we can think, ”Well, I'm sure they have it all together. They don’t have these problems anymore. They're so evolved and have kicked their inner critic to the curb.”  I'm here to tell you I still have bouts of anxiety. I still have inner critic spirals. I still have compare and despair issues, at times.

In this episode I share some stories from my own life about where my inner critic shows up and the tools I use to manage. While on the surface it can look like someone has it all together, we’re all doing the work, one day at a time. The good news is this: you can create new neural pathways in your brain, to where you can you catch your inner critic very quickly. Then you don’t have to go down those seemingly never ending spirals of negative self talk, again and again. Got it? Good.

In this episode you’ll hear:

  • About the time I found myself in an inner critic spiral at a red light
  • Some ways I manage my inner critic
  • About the Inner critic and how it can show up in relationships
  • The importance of recognizing your triggers

Last thing, if you  haven’t applied to be a part of The Mentorship Masterclass, there’s still time and a handful of spots open? If you’re a woman who’s ready to implement all the tools you hear about on this podcast, have accountability, be guided by me and surrounded by other amazing, kick-ass woman, you need to get your booty over the info page, and if you’re heart is like YES, PLEASE, fill out an application. <3

http://yourkickasslife.com/270

 

Feb 27, 2019
Episode 269: Are you winning at goal setting? with Keith McArthur
49:51

This week on the podcast, I am super pumped to share with you my conversation with Keith McArthur. Keith is the creator of My Instruction Manual, a website, podcast and book series providing high-quality personal development and content. He is also the author of the new book, “Winning Resolutions: Achieve Your Biggest Goals and Wildest Dreams Once and For All.”  I’ve been on Keith’s podcast twice and know him to be an amazing interviewer. This week, y’all, the tables have turned and Keith is my guest!

So back in January, I released an episode called, “New Year New You”, in which I said, loud and clear, that you do not need a morning routine or for that matter, any routine that doesn’t fit your lifestyle. But yet, I also realize that the new year can be overwhelming for many. That’s why I invited Keith to the show to talk about ways to calm the New Year overwhelm, help shift our mindset around goal setting, and share what he knows about our environment and how it can affect goal achieving. Plus, he shares what values, shame and commitment have to do with it all.  

In this episode you’ll hear:

  • Why we put so much pressure on ourselves at the start of a new year and how shame comes into play (11:49)
  • Keith’s take on the “New Year, New You” mentality (13:27)
  • The biggest mistake people make when creating a goal or resolution. Plus, some science-based strategies for achieving your biggest, baddest goals (16:19)
  • How an accountability partner can help you with goals and the science behind finding the right accountability partner (25:03)
  • Some ways to get back on track if you lose sight or abandon a goal, hint: think ahead!  (27:43)
  • Taking control of your environment and some ways to structure your environment for goal success (40:34)

Lastly, ummm...why haven’t you applied to be a part of The Mentorship Masterclass? I know many of you have, but if you’re a woman who’s ready to implement all the tools you know and love (well, maybe like), have accountability, be guided by me and surrounded by other amazing, kick-ass woman, you need to get your booty over the info page, and if you’re heart is like YES, PLEASE, fill out an application. <3

http://yourkickasslife.com/269

 

 

Feb 20, 2019
Episode 268: Real Experiences from Women Who Have Done the Work
50:38

This week on the podcast I have something a little different. I know you like to hear stories from women in the YKAL community once in awhile, so I’ve brought you two of them. You might hear some of yourself in their stories! Both of these women have gone through my signature program, The Mentorship Masterclass, and I hope you’re inspired when you hear what they’ve gained in their lives.

First we hear from Courtney. Courtney has struggled with shame, not even realizing it was such a driving force in her life. Courtney says when she would start to feel good in her life, her mind would automatically wander and take inventory of all the “bad things” she’d done (in psychology this is called “confirmation bias”-- the way we tend to search for or recall information that confirms our core beliefs. And often these core beliefs are negative.) You’ll hear what happened when Courtney was taught the steps of shame resilience and the tools to implement them on the regular.

Honestly, this woman’s transformation brings tears to my eyes. I’ve had the honor to work with her most of 2018, seen the ups and downs of her journey, and her unwavering commitment to her growth-- albeit massively uncomfortable at times. I hope her story gives you hope for your own life as well.

Then we hear from Karissa. Karissa is the type who stays “all up in her head”-- convinced she can think her way through things. Karissa says she was struggling with how to get from point A to point B when it came to personal development. Self-help to her, for a long time, was done through reading all the books and listening to all the podcasts. And as a perfectionist, she was really struggling with where to go next in her journey.

Some of Karissa’s work focused on emotions, more specifically learning tools to walk through and process them, and trusting herself that she would be okay if she just let them ride.

Both of these women share their journey from being a podcast listener and self-help book reader, to diving in deeper. We’re currently accepting applications for the next round of The Mentorship Masterclass, you can read all about it here and apply. I’d love to chat with you to see if it’s for you.

http://yourkickasslife.com/268

 

Feb 13, 2019
Episode 267: Consent, Emotional Intelligence and More with Karen B.K. Chan
54:00

This week on the podcast we are talking about consent and some other extremely vulnerable topics with guest, Karen B.K. Chan. Karen is an award-winning sex and emotional literacy educator in Toronto, Canada, with over 20 years of experience. She is trained in creative facilitation, productive thinking and nonviolent communication. I have had Karen on my podcast guest wishlist for such a long time. I was so enthralled with her website. I read ALL.THE.THINGS. she has created, watched her YouTube channel and more.  She is an amazing Emotional Intelligence educator and I'm excited for you to hear our conversation.

In this episode Karen and I talk a lot about emotions, so much emotions y’all. But not only do we talk about emotions, Karen provides insightful advice and information on how to actually deal with emotions, how to feel our feelings and do the work. We also dive into sexual consent; how to navigate it,  how to overcome emotional and social barriers relating to consent and letting go of guilt for creating boundaries around sexual intimacy.

In this episode you’ll hear:

  • Some ways to better deal with our emotions (8:42)
  • How learning to navigate your feelings can lead to an outlet of creative expression, especially writing (11:24)
  • How to deal with emotions when you are stressed or burnt out (16:01)
  • Being innovative in your personal relationships as it relates to empathy, emotion, human connection and clarity (18:58)
  • Working to decrease unconscious biases in our lives (28:37)
  • Social and emotional barriers to sexual consent and how we can overcome them (37:14)
  • How to let go of guilt for creating boundaries around sexual intimacy or sexual encounters (46:21)

http://yourkickasslife.com/267

 

Feb 06, 2019
Episode 266: Where did your wildness go?
44:26

Hey there, ass kickers! Solo pod episode today, WHOOP! I start today’s show with a question from one of the amazing supporters over on Patreon (btw, the show is now listener supported! Check it out here.) Erica asks, How can we celebrate our small wins on our self-development journey? Could there be a podcast on different ways we can encourage ourselves to look at how far we have come instead of focusing on our shortcomings?”

Such a great question! I go into 5 or 6 different ways you can do this. Then, it’s off to the main content!

A few weeks ago I was listening to Scene on Radio, an excellent podcast. It was episode 10, in season 3 where it was a man telling a story about his son going to 6th grade and the changes that took place-- I’ll let you listen to it (it’s REALLY good, please go listen to both season 2 and 3).

There was a particular part where Terry Real, psychologist was talking and said something in particular that stopped me, and I had to pause the podcast, and cry. He talks about how children are made to “halve” themselves, to cut off certain parts of themselves (generally speaking for boys, it’s emotions). He talks about a certain age when “the patriarchy hits kids, lands on them, the psychic results can be severe”. He goes on to say, “Now if you read the literature on girls and girls development, that trauma-- and I use that word on purpose-- is traumatic to excise, to cut off half of your humanity, that trauma lands on girls about 11, 12, 13-- the edge of adolescence. That’s when they learn what Carol Gilligan calls ‘the tyranny of the nice and kind’. They learn to over accommodate and resent it. That’s the traditional set up. Fifty years of the women’s movement has changed that for a lot of girls and women, but it’s still part of the culture.”

So, in essence, as we enter puberty, (and btw, he goes on in this episode to talk about how it hits even younger for boys), we learn about how to be. We learn to be nice and kind and accommodating. We learn to put others’ feelings, wants and needs before ours.

Join me in this podcast episode as I explore this more, and ask a series of questions for you to answer about your own life to get the parts of you back that you were conditioned to let go of.

Download the worksheet that accompanies this episode:
http://yourkickasslife.com/266

 

Jan 30, 2019
Episode 265: Creating An Intimate Relationship with Yourself with Allana Pratt
52:07

This week Allana Pratt, relationship intimacy expert, joins me on the podcast. She inspires open-hearted, unapologetic living.  Allana and I go waaay back. She embodies such an amazing energy and has a true intimacy with herself, both of which I truly admire. She is divine.

In this episode Allana and I talk about being vulnerable in relationships, cultivating rich, intimate relationships with ourselves, as well as, listening to our intuition. We also talk about the aging process and some ways we can embrace it with grace and humor.  Plus, we talk about how to better harness our anger and the importance of releasing it in healthy ways.

In this episode you’ll hear:

  • Cultivating intimate relationships with ourselves and “In To Me I See” (11:00)
  • Lack of trust and vulnerability in relationships: what you can do (12:52)
  • What intimacy looks like for Allana and how she went from “victim to goddess” (19:32)
  • Allana shares some ways to embrace and find humor in the aging process (27:07)
  • Valuing your own self-worth and knowing you are enough (36:28)
  • How to better harness your anger and/or rage (41:50)

http://yourkickasslife.com/265

 

Jan 23, 2019
Episode 264: How to Give and Receive Love with Nicole Moore
39:00

I have another great conversation this week, this time with love coach, Nicole Moore. Nicole helps powerful, amazing women find their ideal partner using her signature Love Works Method. Before you dismiss this episode, hang on! This episode is not just for singles.  We talk about love in general. There’s a bunch of wisdom in this episode for singles and those partnered up. I hope you stick around and listen to this amazing conversation with Nicole.  

In this episode Nicole and I talk about rewriting your childhood love story and overcoming love trauma, shifting your awareness around love, and how you can let love in by looking at your mind-body connection. Plus, we dive into an important conversation about self-trust and your emotions, how to know if you’ve settled in a relationship, what “being love” means and the number one thing anyone can do to feel more confident.


In this episode you’ll hear:

  • Nicole’s story of being born into a world of lack of love, healing her own love wounds and what brought Nicole to her work as a love coach  (7 minutes and 32 seconds)
  • Looking for “the one” and being stuck in a story that there is something inherently wrong with you, plus how to rewrite your story (10:29)
  • Standing in an inferno of emotions with self-trust and worthiness (16:02)
  • What stops most people from finding the right romantic partner (18:34)
  • How to know if you settled in a relationship (21:36)
  • What “being love” means and what it has to do with making a relationship work (25:39)
  • Complaints and disagreements with partners: some advice on giving voice to your fears (29:39)

http://yourkickasslife.com/264

 

Jan 16, 2019
Episode 263: Healing the Worthiness Wound with Thais Sky
56:08

Welcome back, ass kickers! This is the first interview episode of 2019 and I am super pumped to share my conversation with Thais Sky. Thais is a truthspeaker, healer, women’s coach and feminist on a heart-led mission to support the seekers, the edge-dwellers, and the "why the heck do I feel so broken” of the world reclaim their sense of belonging by learning how to explore, trust and express themselves unapologetically. Thais is so expressive and downright poetic, as you’ll hear. I loved my conversation with her and I hope you do too.

This week, Thais and I talk about the worthiness wound, what contributes to it, some critical steps to take to reclaim your worth and how healing the worthiness wound is a radical act. We also talk about personal development and how we often hope someone will save us, but it really comes down to doing the work. We also touch on holding the human experience and being capable of navigating through triggers, thoughts and feelings. Lastly, we talk about whiteness, patriarchy,  becoming radicalized and acknowledging that one can be both the oppressor and the oppressed (and how that doesn’t mean you are a bad person).

In this episode you’ll hear:

  • What reclaiming our sense of worthiness truly means 
  • How to begin reclaiming your worth (and how it’s different from cultivating confidence) 
  • Taking on the responsibility of others and hoping someone will save us
  • Healing the “little girl” within (aka inner child work) 
  • What contributes to the worthiness wound, and why we can’t talk about the worthiness wound without talking about whiteness 
  • Acknowledging ableism and fat phobia 

💥💥JOIN ME THIS SPRING! 💥💥

If you’re ready to stop relying on your default coping mechanisms that end up making you feel like shit (isolating, numbing out, perfectionism, comparison, self-sabotage), then check out my signature program, Your Kick-Ass Life Mentorship. If it all resonates, there’s a link to fill out an application (application goes straight to me). Learn new, better coping mechanisms that make you feel proud, confident, and courageous.

http://yourkickasslife.com/263

 

Jan 09, 2019
Episode 262: New Year New You (and you don't need no stinkin' morning routine)
16:42

I’m about to say something that goes against what you might be hearing from other self-help/motivational speakers/cheerleaders/thought leaders.

You don’t need a morning routine if you don’t want one.

Confession: I haven’t had a regular morning routine in about...well, never.

I know there are self-help books specifically written about this. That scientists with glasses and white lab coats with clipboards have painstakingly studied the human effects of morning routines and found that it helps people Live Their Best Life.

I know there are self-help people out there who have cute names for their lists of things they do in the morning, and keep telling you to get up an hour earlier than your early-rising children or dog, so that you can Live Your Best Life.

I know you might feel like you’re doing it all wrong if you stumble out of bed and reach for your phone and coffee first thing.

I know that the new year is full of NEW YEAR NEW YOU and that your morning routine feels like this *one thing* that you can change that will make 2019 your Best Year Ever.

I know that you have probably made morning commitments in the past like:

  1. Meditating
  2. Working out
  3. Setting intentions
  4. Doing a coffee enerma so you can shit like a beast
  5. Pulling an angel card so you can conjure your spirits and guides to be able to Live Your Best Year and Best Life Ever.

Or maybe it’s just me.

I also know that in the past, I have regularly set my intentions of the day and that worked for a while. And now it looks different. And that I have told you about my morning routines and maybe you felt like if you did it too, you’d be Living Your Best Life.

Here’s the thing: If you get up early and do whatever it is you need to do to set yourself up for the day, and you feel rested enough to do so and aren’t doing it because you think you have to-- if you do these things because it does in fact help you Live Your Best Life, then HELL YES, SISTER!

Or, if you’ve tried a morning routine, and it’s made no significant positive changes in your life, then HELL YES, SISTER. You tried, and meh, it’s not for you.

Or, If just the thought of all that makes you want to go back to bed, then HELL YES, SISTER. It might not be for you either.

What I’m saying is watch out for the NEW YEAR NEW YOU trap that can make you feel like you’re doing it wrong. That can make you feel like you’re missing out, or that you’re not like everybody else. If you’d rather sleep the extra hour or 10 minutes, then sleep.

If you follow someone on social media and you’re comparing your life to theirs, and it kind of seems like their life is too good to be true (it probably is), and it’s all making you feel shitty, then unfollow them.

If they new year makes you feel motivated and inspired, then you do that. If the new year just feels like a new month and you’re just trying to keep your head above water, or you feel like the pace you’re going at is good for now, then you do that.

There’s no right or wrong way to Live Your Best Life.

💥💥JOIN ME THIS SPRING! 💥💥

If you’re ready to stop relying on your default coping mechanisms that end up making you feel like shit (isolating, numbing out, perfectionism, comparison, self-sabotage), then check out my signature program, Your Kick-Ass Life Mentorship. If it all resonates, there’s a link to fill out an application (application goes straight to me). Learn new, better coping mechanisms that make you feel proud, confident, and courageous.

http://yourkickasslife.com/262

 

Jan 02, 2019
Episode 261: The Evangelist of Love with Kute Blackson
47:55

My guest this week is AH-mazing. During our conversation, I even referred to him as an evangelist for love. An evangelist. for. love, y’all. Yes, I’m excited to introduce you to Kute Blackson. Kute is a charismatic visionary and transformational teacher who offers a fresh, bold look at spiritual awareness for a whole new generation. Oh, and did I mention, he’s also very intense.  I love intense people.

Kute joins me to talk about love; including self-love, living your own truth and what it means to live a fulfilled life. Plus, we talk about allowing yourself to feel pain, coping mechanisms and conditioning, questioning who you truly are and what Kute means when he says, “we are born-free.”  As Kute so eloquently stated, love is the most important thing on the planet and the most important thing to experience while we are alive. And lastly, “Real healing happens in the space of love.” Hell-to-the-yes.

In this episode you’ll hear:

  • Kute’s deep calling to serve humanity, following his own truth and integrity and how he began on a path to helping other people find themselves (8:15)
  • What stops us from being fulfilled and free (13:23)
  • How to reconnect with your heart and body to get to your own truth, plus 3 questions to ask yourself to help you get there (14:38)
  • The layers that cover up your true self, coping mechanisms and shifting your conditioning (18:31)
  • Creating your own opportunities, and add value to others lives (43:05)

http://yourkickasslife.com/261

 

Dec 26, 2018
Episode 260: Let's Talk About Happiness with Rob Mack
44:24

I am ecstatic to introduce you to this week’s guest, Rob Mack. Rob is an ivy-league-educated Celebrity Happiness Coach, Positive Psychology Expert, Published Author, and TV Host/Personality. He just exudes peacefulness and while it looks like it comes naturally to him, he works hard at it.

Rob joins me to talk about prioritizing peace, happiness, love and joy and how to focus on feeling better. We also talk about negativity bias, being comfortable with our uncomfortableness, being stuck in an identity story and some ways to let it go.  Rob is such a delight. And, y’all, he is a very snappy dresser too!

In this episode you’ll hear:

  • Rob shares his story of suffering with depression and attempting suicide (11 minutes and 35 seconds)
  • Micro-meditations (for super, busy women) (17:15)
  • Some ways to build optimism, resilience, and real confidence (24:40)
  • Negativity bias and why we tolerate being unhappy (26:45)
  • Being stuck in an identity story and how to reframe it and let it go (31:04)
  • A few simple actions you can take today to get on a path to happiness (39:58)

http://yourkickasslife.com/260

 

Dec 19, 2018
Episode 259: Challenging Cultural Beauty and Wellness Standards with Melissa Toller
41:12

We are in the last stretch of the year and it’s business as usual over here at Team YKAL with a brand new episode!. This week on the podcast, speaker, writer, and educator Melissa Toler joins me. Her work encourages people to make the connection between our culture's oppressive beauty standards and our personal struggle with self-acceptance.

I’ve been following Melissa and her work online and social media for a while now. I love her message and I was so excited for the chance to speak with her. Today, we talk about challenging the cultural standards of wellness and beauty, plus diet culture and it’s messaging. We also talk about how we all have internalized thoughts around certain body types, including black bodies, brown bodies, or even trans bodies and how it perpetuates harm. Melissa reminds us the work of unpacking and unlearning our internal body biases is lifelong work.

In this episode you’ll hear:

  • Melissa’s pivot away from the wellness industry and why she became disillusioned with it (7 minutes and 24 seconds)
  • How Melissa challenges the cultural standards of beauty and wellness (13:10)
  • Questioning the messages we receive about body image, health and fitness (17:04)
  • How health and wellness professionals can shift their education and start to question their current practices and philosophies (24:28)
  • Fatphobia and unpacking internal biases (26:22)
  • Melissa shares her story of her own weight loss obsession and how she overcame it (34:09)

http://yourkickasslife.com/259

 

Dec 12, 2018
Episode 258: Self-Love and Self-Care with Nitika Chopra
45:01

Happy December! It’s podcast day, y’all. And this week, I am excited to introduce you to my guest, Nitika Chopra. She has been a leader in the wellness industry since 2010, is known for her straightforward tone and intense vulnerability, and recently created a conversation about self-love in the chronic illness community. The energy  she exudes is just so magnetic. She is someone I wanted to have on the podcast for a while and I’m thrilled to share our conversation with you.

Nitika and I talk in-depth about self-love, specifically her journey to finding self-love after suffering debilitating psoriasis for many years and her thoughts and philosophy about self care. Plus, Nitika shares openly and honestly about how she repaired the hatred she had over her body for so many years.

In this episode you’ll hear:

  • Nitika’s humbling and eye-opening journey to self-love (9 minutes and 11 seconds)
  • Why Nitika thinks self-help can sometimes be more harmful than helpful (15:22)
  • Self-care was Nitika’s saving grace; she explains why, as well as, shares some of her own self- care practices and describes where she thinks self-care really starts (22:08)
  • Nitika’s letter to her body and why she was driven to write it (28:49)
  • Some ways you can begin to love yourself more, today (32:12)

Also, I have ONE spot open for 1:1 coaching. Two options there: I take women privately through The Daring Way™ work, as well as do traditional life coaching where we basically get down to what you want, I help you get there (with a little hand holding and a lot of holding your feet to the fire) and VOILA! You have Your Kick-Ass Life.

http://yourkickasslife.com/258

 

 

Dec 05, 2018
Episode 257: Comfort Zones: A Rant
24:40

Not long ago, I got inspired, turned on the mic, and riffed about comfort zones. I think I started sweating even a little, not because I was nervous, but because I get FIRED UP about this stuff.

I go over what it is that keeps us stuck. Is it fear of failure? A habit? Fear of success? Is it our feelings and emotions that keep us from the person we want to be? I go over all of this.

Alas, I don’t have this episode in written format, but you don’t want to miss this. 

Also, I have ONE spot open for 1:1 coaching. Two options there: I take women privately through The Daring Way™ work, as well as do traditional life coaching where we basically get down to what you want, I help you get there (with a little hand holding and a lot of holding your feet to the fire) and VIOLA! You have Your Kick-Ass Life. Simply reply to this email and we’ll get you started with an application and a call with me to see if it’s a good fit. Okay? Okay.

http://yourkickasslife.com/257

 

Nov 28, 2018
Episode 256: Holiday Gifts
22:33

The holidays are upon us! If you’re like me, you love to get your shopping done early AND you love to get just the right gift for that special someone in your life (and even if they’re not that special to you, I mean sometimes we have the obligatory gift to buy, am I right?)

Here’s a few of my favorite gift ideas as well as some nifty stuff we found on the internet to I like/love so you have a plethora of things to choose from! Happy shopping!

Pet stuff

Personalized pet socks. Y’all. YOU CAN GET YOUR ACTUAL PET ON A PAIR OF SOCKS. I mean, not the actual pet but their picture. You understand. Is this already a thing and I’m just learning of it? Whether it is or isn’t, it’s amazing.

If you follow me on Instagram and watch my IG stories, you know Dirty Baby. If you don’t, then this won’t be funny at all (but seriously, get in on the joke, go to my Instagram profile in the “highlights” and click on “#dirtybaby”. You’re welcome). So, for your dog (or cat?) they CAN HAVE THEIR OWN DIRTY BABY and we can be gross pet toy friends.

Barkbox is for those people who really, and I mean really love their dogs. They used to sponsor the podcast, so if you use this link you can get a free month. My dog LOST HER SHIT over their toys and treats. But, then again she eats rabbit poop in the backyard so she may not be a good judge of delicious things.  

Food stuff

Chocolate covered pretzels GALORE. I’m just sayin’ that if someone wants to buy me these I will NOT be mad. At all.

Fruitcake from Harry and David. For that person in your life who has everything and is also 137 years old, yes, fruitcake. My stepdad LOVES THIS STUFF and he’s only 76. But seriously, seniors love fruitcake and Harry and David know how to do it up. I can’t say I’ve personally tasted it, but we frequently buy it for Gene, the love of my mom’s life and he raves about it. Plus, super affordable. Also, their other food is delish.

Fairytale Brownies. This is for the serious brownlie lover (me). You can’t go wrong with fancy brownies. Trust me.

Tea Forte from Neiman Marcus. Fancy, but still affordable, for that person who doesn’t drink coffee (gasp!)

Gourmet cooking salt sets Darlene (YKAL podcast producer extraordinaire) knows this lady and recommends these fancy salts for the foodie in your life (if loving brownies counts as being a foodie, I’m IN)!

MISC:

Some Call Me Crunchy bath salts. I found these at a local boutique here in Greensboro and these bath salts are amazing. They always make a great gift! (I always put extra epsom salt in my bath when I use these.)

The Moondeck. Both for the serious woo-woo person in your life and the newbie. These cards are so gorgeous and perfect for meditations, mantras, and more.  

Anything from The Hoodwitch. From rose quartz crystals, to blue sage & sunflower, you’ll for sure find something for that “witchy” person in your life!

Cast Iron Cauldron (or this one.) A lot of people find it either hilarious or interesting that I have a cauldron. Maybe they envision a huge one brewing over a fire with chicken’s feet and the tears of my enemies in it, but alas, it’s actually a mall one that I use to burn paper that I’ve written things down on, or keep my sage in. This would make a great gift for your witchy friends!

Skylight frame. So apparently, this is an update to the digital photo frame that was super popular about 12 years ago. With this frame you can update photos for your parents or grandma or other loved one remotely. I think. I don’t actually know for sure, but I was too lazy to go and read all the instructions, but it seems like a great gift for your grandparents if they don’t like fruitcake (see above).

Postercandy family poster framed by Framebridge. Ya’ll. This is something I researched myself and did and it’s seriously the favorite piece of decor I have in my house. Full disclosure: it took me a while to put it together. You can choose how many pictures you want  and since I picked like 7,000, it was time consuming. I love this because it’s like a photo album spanned over 10 years in one piece of art. I often find myself and other members of my family just standing in front of it smiling. And everyone comments on it who comes over!

Okay, there’s about a bazillion journals to choose from, and I’m always a fan of having several I love this one from Uncommon Goods because there are prompts to write about your life. It think this would an especially great gift for a young-ish person (late teens/20’s).

Alex and Ani Wonder Woman inspired bangles. It doesn’t get much better than this. It really doesn’t, IMO.

Air plants. For the person in your life that can’t seem to keep plants alive, this is always a good option!

Fun friendship lamps. How cute are these? Have a loved one far away? Get a set of these lamps and you’ll always know when you’re thinking of each other!

http://yourkickasslife.com/256

 

 

Nov 21, 2018
Episode 255: Personal Integrity and The Epidemic of Lying with Lauren Handel Zander
50:40

This week I welcome Lauren Handel Zander to the YKAL podcast. Lauren is the author of, Maybe It’s You: Cut the Crap, Face Your Fears, Love Your Life. She is also a life coach, university lecturer and co-founder of Handel Group. She joins me to talk about the everyday shit that we do that takes us farther away from the person we want to be and the person we were meant to be.

We had an amazing conversation about her journey to becoming a life coach, what personal integrity means to her and her work, qualifying yes versus no, and the epidemic of lying.

In this episode you’ll hear:

  • Lauren’s path to becoming a life coach (7 minutes and 30 seconds)
  • What is personal integrity and how she uses it to help people achieve their goals (13:51)
  • One trick to keep you accountable when it comes to doing the work (20:17)
  • Boundaries: Why people say, “Yes,” when they mean, “No,” and how to empower ourselves to say, “No”, when we really mean it (26:35)
  • How to develop the awareness to stop the cycle of numbing out and isolating (35:12)
  • The seven ways we lie, cleaning up your lies and telling the truth and how doing so can truly jumpstart your happiness (38:17)


💥 REGISTRATION IS OPEN FOR THE NEW AND IMPROVED DARING WAY™ PROGRAM AND RETREAT! (Shouty caps on purpose!). LET’S CHAT ABOUT IT! Head on over here to check it out!  💥

 

http://yourkickasslife.com/255

 

Nov 14, 2018
Episode 254: Conversations About Shit That Matters With Unqualified People: Andrea and Kate on Rape Culture
01:15:05

This week my dear friend Kate Anthony is back on the podcast. If you are new to the show, I’ve started a new series where I’ve been talking with close friends about shit that matters. During these candid conversations, we take a big topic where we are not experts and unpack our own stuff around it and begin to make sense of it all. In this episode, Kate and I continue our conversation on rape culture and sexual assault. I highly encourage you to listen to part one of our conversation, if you haven’t done so already.

The reason I wanted to create two episodes on this topic is to shed light on stories of non-consensual sex, rape, and assault. If you feel your story is not important enough, something I believed of my own story for a long time, know that your story is important.  All of our stories are important and everybody’s story matters. That’s my why. And, trigger warning: Kate and I share our own experiences with non-consensual sex in this episode.

In this episode you’ll also hear:

  • The moment Kate realized her sexual assault was rape (10 minutes and 1 second)
  • Saying yes out of fear and coerced consent (19:03)
  • I retell the story of when, at 17, my boyfriend videotaped us without my knowledge and I lost my shit (24:28)
  • And then, I share my own story of date rape (27:53)
  • The untrue stories we make up about the kind of men that assault women, like, “Only scary looking men or strangers in an alley assault women.”  (45:50)
  • Kate shares a story about a man asking for consent (46:31)

💥🎉FREE LIVE TRAINING! 💥🎉

Okay, y’all-- there are two topics I’ve seen come up over the last few months during my retreats and programs. One is trusting women-- why do we have such a hard time with this and how do we overcome it?

The other is the concept of feeling “good enough”. Do we just decide this and wait for it? Is it a mindset issue? Or something else?

Join me on Friday, November 9th at 12:30 eastern time where I’ll break down these two topics and give you some tangible steps to take to make this happen in your life. As you know from my book HTSFLS, both of these topics are IMPERATIVE for you to stop feeling like shit and start living your kick-ass life. See you there! (And yes, a replay will be available)

No need to sign up for anything, just mark your calendar, and put THIS LINK in there. Then, on 11/9 at 12:30 eastern, click the link and join us! 😘😘😘

http://yourkickasslife.com/254

 

Nov 07, 2018
Episode 253: Conversations About Shit That Matters With Unqualified People: Andrea and Kate on Rape Culture
01:35:45

Hey ass kickers! I am bringing you another episode of Conversations About Shit That Matters with Unqualified People. My “unqualified person” this week is my friend Kate Anthony, who helped me kick off this series several months ago. For newcomers, here’s a brief introduction to Kate: Kate Anthony is a certified life coach who specializes in helping moms decide whether they should stay in or leave their marriages. This week, Kate and I are talking about rape culture. Kate is truly kick-ass, one of my dearest friends, and someone I feel totally comfortable with unpacking this sensitive topic. And, rape culture is a lot to unpack.

As a reminder, before we get started, this is not an episode where I am teaching about rape culture. It’s an honest conversation between two unqualified people, emphasis on unqualified, about a very important and hard topic. We cover a lot, including what rape culture looks like, how we all participate in it, and some ways to start conversations with people about it.

In this episode you’ll hear:

  • Identifying rape culture and Kate’s experience with being slut-shamed in high school 
  • Defining toxic masculinity 
  • Our thoughts on Brett Kavanaugh and what he could have done to make the situation different
  • Rape culture, protecting the internal patriarchy, and denial of sexual assault 
  • How to start to have deeper conversations with others and take steps towards change 
  • Bringing men into the conversation about rape culture and toxic masculinity
  • Kate’s experience with today’s dating scene and why she has decided to take a step back from it 

💥🎉FREE LIVE TRAINING! 💥🎉

Okay, y’all-- there are two topics I’ve seen come up over the last few months during my retreats and programs. One is trusting women-- why do we have such a hard time with this and how do we overcome it?

The other is the concept of feeling “good enough”. Do we just decide this and wait for it? Is it a mindset issue? Or something else?

Join me on Friday, November 9th at 12:30 eastern time where I’ll break down these two topics and give you some tangible steps to take to make this happen in your life. As you know from my book HTSFLS, both of these topics are IMPERATIVE for you to stop feeling like shit and start living your kick-ass life. See you there! (And yes, a replay will be available)

No need to sign up for anything, just mark your calendar, and put THIS LINK in there. Then, on 11/9 at 12:30 eastern, click the link and join us! 😘😘😘

 

http://yourkickasslife.com/253

 

Oct 31, 2018
Episode 252: Processing and Healing from Sexual Trauma with Rebecca Bass-Ching
55:19

With recent events that are happening in the news in the U.S. surrounding the U.S. Supreme court nomination of Brent Kavanaugh and Dr. Christine Blasey Ford coming forward with her story of sexual assault, I knew I needed to have a podcast on the topic of sexual trauma. While I do plan on having an episode where I speak with a friend on the topic of sexual assault, I knew how very important it was to have an expert on to discuss this topic, as well. Because, y’all, I am not an expert in this area, but as many of you know, finding an expert in a given field is something I take very seriously.

And that is why I am honored and grateful to be welcoming back to the show, Licensed Marriage and Family and Therapist, Rebecca Bass-Ching. Rebecca is also a Certified EMDR Therapist+Consultant, Trauma Therapist and a Certified Daring Way™ Facilitator. Today you’ll hear us speak on the topic of sexual trauma, including: feeling triggered by sexual assault stories in the news, navigating the differencing of opinions to sexual assault, healing and processing from sexual trauma and the all important fact that there is no time limit on healing.

Trigger warning: while we go into mostly surface level conversation related to sexual trauma and assault, it’s still a very tender topic. In fact, I let Rebecca really take the reigns in this episode because, as you’ll hear, I am still unpacking and navigating my own feelings too.  

In this episode you’ll hear:

  • Some reasons why we may be feeling triggered, angered or on edge related to current events about sexual trauma or assault (8 minutes and 29 seconds)
  • How to navigate feedback from people who have different opinions or reactions to sexual assault (14:02)
  • Handling the question and red herring argument, “What if your son was falsely accused of sexual assault?” (21:21)
  • Your memory network and trauma: remembering portions of trauma so very clearly (32:30)
  • Healing from trauma is very inconvenient, plus we touch on residual trauma (34:35)
  • The deep connection between sexism and racism (38:47)

http://yourkickasslife.com/252

 

Oct 24, 2018
Episode 251: Creating Huge Leaps of Self Awareness with Shanna Lee
47:13

This week on the podcast Shanna Lee joins me. She is founder of the platform The Soul Frequency and author of the book of the same name. And, guess what? I’m holding a contest this week over on Patreon. One winner will receive a copy of Shanna’s book, Soul Frequency: Your Healthy, Awakened and Authentic Life. If you haven’t joined the Patreon Party yet, which is in full swing, you still can. Head over to Patreon to participate in this contest or to become a Patron, here.

I know of Shanna because I was a guest on her podcast several months ago. Her message is very similar to the one I share with you here at YKAL. Once I learned she was about to release a book, I knew I wanted to have her on my show. Today,  we talk about some of the concepts she covers in her book, including how to align yourself with the life you want to be living. Plus, we talk about suppressed anger as a woman and how to open the door to it, being open to bad experiences and seeing the light at the end of the tunnel.

In this episode you’ll hear:

  • What The Soul Frequency actually means (9 minutes and 42 seconds)
  • Shanna’s journey, and her own lesson of just showing up and being fully present (12:41)
  • Walking your path, getting back into alignment with what feels good (15:48)
  • Shanna’s anatomy of transformation and its four pillars: truth, release, experience, and align (19:02)
  • Women’s anger and rage: your relationship around anger, how it's socially unacceptable, and ways to open the door to anger. (26:27)
  • Being open to the bad that may be happening around you instead of shutting the door on it. (37:36)

http://yourkickasslife.com/251

 

Oct 17, 2018
Episode 250: Creating an Awareness Around Emotional Eating with Andrea Owen
44:07

I have a rich and amazing conversation with Rachel Foy for you this week on the YKAL Podcast. Rachel is an author, motivational teacher and the founder of the Soul Fed Woman. Rachel helps women overcome things like emotional eating, binge eating, and weight obsession. She helps them wake up and reclaim their lives so they are no longer missing from it. I am excited to bring you this topic today. But first, one quick note before we get started.

At the start of this episode,  I briefly share that I am gathering my thoughts on sexual assault all while trying to hold back my rage. I plan to talk about this tender topic in a future episode of Conversations About Shit that Matters with Unqualified People. Current events in our country, the #whyIdidntreport movement and the trauma many women have had to face, again, either due to reliving their own experiences or empathizing with that of another woman, is just too much. More on this topic will be coming soon. Okay, now back to today’s episode.

Today, Rachel and I talk about emotional eating and bringing awareness to your coping mechanisms. We also touch on the topics of body acceptance and fat-phobia. Plus, we talk about numbing out, making empowering choices, and some ways to overcome many issues women experience around food, diet culture and emotions.

In this episode you’ll hear:

  • What to do when you start feeding your feelings with food (8 minutes and 50 seconds)
  • Rachel’s own difficult journey with food obsession, eating disorders and dieting (10:32)
  • Body dysmorphic disorder (BDD): what it is and how it can show up (15:15)
  • Fat-phobic culture, preconceived perceptions, and breaking away from diet culture: stripping down fat-phobia (20:00)
  • How to be emotionally fed and become a soulfed women (21:45)
  • What to do if food is your only source of pleasure (26:17)
  • Why we choose to numb out and some ways how to overcome it (34:05)

http://yourkickasslife.com/250

 

Oct 10, 2018
Episode 249: Healing from Codependency and Love Addiction with Christine Gutierrez
36:06

Joining me on the podcast this week is leading Latina psychotherapist, Christine Gutierrez, LHMC. Christine is the founder of Christineg.tv, an online hub that features psychologically-savvy and soulful advice. Christine also specializes in love addiction which happens to be the topic of today’s episode.

In this episode, we talked about healing from love addiction, Christine’s own experience with it and how she now helps clients move through the healing process. We also touched on codependency and love addiction red flags. It’s clear through my conversation with Christine that she has worked hard and tirelessly on learning how to trust in herself and lean into her biggest self. I’m happy to share our conversation with you.

In this episode you’ll hear:

  • What love addiction is, how Christine’s early childhood experiences ultimately led to love addiction, and how she got on the path to healing (1 minute 47 seconds)
  • The distinction between healthy, falling in love and love addiction (5:46)
  • Some tips and tools for women struggling with love addiction (11:21)
  • Christine’s journey to helping other women heal, the merging of the mundane and divine and what the word diosa means to her (17:43)
  • How to experience more fierce love in your life (and what fierce love is, exactly) (25:32)

http://yourkickasslife.com/249

 

Oct 03, 2018
Episode 248: Inner Critic vs. Intuition
25:15

Today I have an episode for you that was a suggested topic from one of our awesome listeners on Patreon. Patron members can suggest show topics, as well as get their personal questions answered on Listener Q & A episodes, and so many more perks! Head on over HERE to read more about how you can become a member.  

Corrina asks:

I would love to hear about how to tell the difference between the internal voice that is authentic and courageous versus the voice that is fearful and holding you back or is reactionary. For example, are you leaving a situation because it's good for you or are you in flight mode?

I also wrote a blog post about this AGES ago (2011 omg) so I’ve dug it up, updated it and am putting it back out there.

First and foremost, this is one tricky mother. To be honest, it’s still something I sometimes am challenged by in my own life, and when I am, I talk it out with a trusted friend. Sometimes processing externally can be helpful for you to be able to decipher. Journaling can also be helpful to process more internally.

Second, I do believe there are going to be times where you just don’t know for sure if it’s your intuition speaking or your inner-critic/fear. In those instances, you’ll need to just make a decision and see what happens. I can say that the more you intentionally work on paying attention to your intuition (practices like meditation, stillness, being in nature, journaling, yoga) the more in tune you’ll be with it, and the more clear it will become.

In no particular order, here are some ways to decipher if it’s your inner-critic/fear/gremlin or your intuition/soul voice speaking to you: 

Your inner-critic doesn’t like change; but if it’s good for you, your intuition will encourage it. Gremlins like to keep you exactly where you are, even if you’re not in a great place. For instance, if you hate your job it seems like a no-brainer that you would want to leave, right? So, you daydream about your dream job, doing that thing you’ve always wanted. Your gremlin pops up and says, “There’s no way. What if it doesn’t work? It’s too risky anyway.” You listen to your inner-critic and the days drag on in the grips of this sucky job.

Your intuition is the voice and vision that is steering your daydreams. Your intuition is the voice of your soul and that voice wants you to be happy or else it wouldn’t give you all these dreams! Trusting your dreams is trusting your intuition. Practice adding on to these daydreams visions of  you actually bridging the gap between where you are now and where you want to be. What steps are necessary for you to leave that sucky job and get your dream job? Scary, yes, your gremlin will tell you so. Notice it, keep dreaming, and taking action.

Your gremlin voices come from your head, but your intuitional voice come from your heart. In my opinion, most of us live 99% of the time in our heads (especially if you are a part of my community, you smart, go-getting woman,you!). It takes practice and slowing down (what’s that?) to listen to our hearts. Often times I ask clients a big, pondering question during a coaching session and they respond quickly, without any hesitation, but that answer surprises them, or they backpedal. For instance, say I asked you if you could do anything for the next month, what would it be? And you responded with, “I’d get on a plane, go to an animal sanctuary that I follow on Instagram and volunteer there. But, there’s no way I could actually do that!” I know immediately that the initial answer came from their heart and the excuse came from their head. I respond with, “What if you answered that question just from your heart instead of your head?” and always they respond with something to the effect of, “Huh….let me sit with that for a minute.”

“Getting out of your own way” requires you to get out of your own head. And trust me, we live there. So, how in the world do we do this, you might ask? First, slow down. And simply ask. “What does my heart say about this?”  is good enough. And be patient for the answer. This all might sound a bit “woo woo”, but believe me, it’s possible!

Gremlin voices tell you things out of fear; intuition comes from your soul wanting you to be happy. Fear is your inner-critic’s middle name. Its motives-- keeping you from change are based on, you guessed it, fear. It’s afraid of change, afraid of failure, afraid of looking like a (you fill in the blank), afraid of everything.

Intuition, on the other hand, wants you to be happy. It’s rooting for you, cheering for you, encouraging and supporting you, even if you can’t hear it right now. If you take everything you hear that’s inside you that is fear-based and notice and become aware that that is your gremlin, you’ll begin to filter it out. That may be the first step you need to take. It’s a big leap to think you can sit down and decipher the two. It takes practice, awareness and more practice. Many people actually feel their intuition physically, whether it’s hair standing up on the back of their necks, a feeling in their stomach, or goosebumps.

Gremlins generally aren’t very nice, intuition is soft and squishy. Some people’s gremlins are assholes, plain and simple. That’s why is also known as negative self-talk. But you might not even notice because you’re not only so used to hearing it, but the voice becomes you truth. Your inner-critic says things ranging from mean or disempowering things about the way you look or how you act, to making comments about the things you dream about and hope for. Think for a moment if your gremlin were a real-life person. Would you put up with that? My guess is no.

Intuition on the other hand has been with you from the time you were born and never has a bad word to say to you or about you. Your intuition protects you from dangerous situations as well as dangerous people. (Some people believe their gremlin has motivates them. Click here to read more on that.). Intuition is your internal best friend. Your inherent fairy godmother, if you will.

Lastly, like I mentioned before, sometimes our intuition gets murky. I often see this in people that are new to trying to decipher the two. One tip is that a red flag is a red flag. If you hear yourself thinking, “That just doesn’t seem right”, then it isn’t! We often over-analyze and think our way out of what our intuition is trying to tell us, when in reality, our intuitional voice is plain and simple! No over-explaining, no justifying, it just spells it out.

Sep 26, 2018
Episode 247: Conversations About Shit That Matters with Unqualified People: On White Supremacy and Unconscious Biases
01:02:33

This episode officially kicks off a series I’m calling Conversations About Shit That Matters with Unqualified People. Today, my friend Elizabeth DiAlto and I are talking about doing the work in terms of racism, white supremacy, and more.

You might wonder what this has to do with personal development? Well, the deeper I get into my own personal development work and even trainings, the more I can see that the root of the problems many of us face (feeling not good enough, lack of confidence, etc.) is rooted in white supremacy and patriarchy. And trust me when I tell you there was a time many years ago when I would have disagreed with that. However, back then I hadn’t done enough work, nor (although largely unconscious at the time) had I wanted to admit that a system that I largely benefitted from could be the problem.

One of the heavy topics I am passionate about dismantling is rape culture. The system that normalizes and trivializes the sexual assault and harassment of women. The idea that women’s bodies are disposable and that sexual violence is normal. A couple of years ago I realized that there is a direct connection from rape culture to both patriarchy and white supremacy, and so began my work over here on my own, so I can better educate. This episode is the very beginning of that.

Also, as I mention in this episode, I have two solo episodes coming up in the next few months about core beliefs and inner critic that were suggested by Patreon members. I’ve decided to let go of advertising and sponsorships on the podcast, but in order to still be able to support the costs of the show, I’ve introduced ways for listeners to do that. When you become a Patron, there are perks! Including being able to suggest show topics, getting your personal development questions answered on Listener Q & A episodes, monthly Ask Me Anything calls, book giveaways and more (Last AMA call I answered a question from one of our patrons who had a question about an uncomfortable situation with her friends that she wanted my advice about. The month before that, someone asked about starting her own coaching business. I’ll answer virtually ANY question you have on those particular calls)!
 
Head on over HERE to check out the different tiers and I thank you for supporting the show! 

Back to today’s episode! Although this isn’t a teaching/expert interview episode, Elizabeth and I explore some important topics, including:

  • To be a true ally, you must perform acts of solidarity (15 minutes and 48 seconds)
  • Unpacking white supremacy and white privilege: the power of group. community, safe processing buddies, and collective intelligence (24:04)
  • Shaming and tone policing in social media (25:54)
  • An important distinction between shaming and holding people accountable; and fragility (30:27)
  • Being of mixed race, whitewashing cultures, and being ethnically ambiguous (40:05)
  • Dropping unconscious biases and exploring assumptions about health and overweight people (48:10)

http://yourkickasslife.com/247

 

Sep 19, 2018
Episode 246: An Important Conversation About Depression
49:50

This week I have the pleasure of introducing you all to the brilliant and kind, Dr. John Duffy.  Dr. Duffy is the author of the number-one best-selling book, The Available Parent.  He is a nationally-recognized expert in self-awareness, relationships, and parenting. He is also the host of the podcast, Undue Anxiety.  I met Dr. Duffy while on my book tour for, How To Stop Feeling Like Shit. Following our conversation (I was a guest on his podcast), I knew I wanted to have Dr. John on my show to talk about the very tender topic of depression, because it’s his speciality. Whether you are battling depression or you know someone who is, today’s topic is one that touches so many lives.

Today we talk all about depression, how it shows up, why it’s not your job to fix a loved one’s depression and some ways you can support them. Plus, we touch on boundaries as it relates to depression and what to do if you are a parent of a child who may be struggling with some form of mental illness or depression.

In this episode you’ll hear:

  • How depression might show up in people’s lives and what it may look like 
  • Some ways you can support someone who is struggling with depression 
  • Therapies, tools, medications, and treatments for depression, today, as opposed to 25 years ago, really do work
  • The U.S. is seeing an increase in suicide rates more than other countries: Dr. Duffy shares why he thinks this may be and why excessive stimuli could be part of the reason 
  • Changing gender dynamics, gender biases, and marketing: how they play into an increase in alcohol consumption and addiction by women 
  • What to do when you suspect your child is struggling with depression or another form of mental illness

http://yourkickasslife.com/246

 

Sep 12, 2018
Episode 245: When your family doesn't get your personal development journey
42:14

We’re back with another Listener Q & A episode! I plan to do these every quarter, and if you’re a member of Patreon, you can submit your questions for me and one of my expert friends to answer on an episode.

Today I have my BFF and fellow life coach, Amy Smith of The Joy Junkie joining us to answer a listener question about her family. We get a little off track talking about poop, but it’s one of those things that happens to everyone! 🙈

The Listener’s questions are:

How do you navigate family/friends when it comes to your self help journey?

Whether it be your spouse/partner who is trying to help, but may be too pushy or you feel like you're disappointing him when you are not reaching your goals quickly.

Or maybe your family who may be trying to protect you. They don't exactly discourage you, but are not exactly supportive of your big goals.

Or your friends/family who will not let you forget your past mistakes? Constantly bringing up embarrassing situations or failures.

Sometimes I feel like I am responsible for everyone's goals. And sometimes that makes me not want to try at all. It is a lot and I do not know where to begin.

I have a large family and sometimes it feels like I am the only one who wants a better life. It is very overwhelming and discouraging. I feel like I have to make enough money to ensure my parents/brothers/sisters are financially set for life. Makes me not want to try harder because then more will be expected of me. Sometimes I wish I could be happy in mediocrity.

Listen in as Amy and I give her advice on what to do and say in these tricky situations. Family can be the hardest to navigate, and virtually no one is immune to this! Thank you to our courageous listener for not only asking the questions, but taking initiate to change a situation in her life that she’s not happy about!

http://yourkickasslife.com/245

 

Sep 05, 2018
Episode 244: Breaking the Patterns: Diet Culture & Body Acceptance with Ali Shapiro
58:33

Diet culture and weight loss is really complicated. Following my episodes a few months ago on body image and diet culture with my good friend Kate Anthony, I was genuinely curious about what I may not know as it relates to diet culture, holistic nutrition and even the body positivity movement. I knew I had to ask an expert - all.the.things. And so, joining me this week is integrated health coach, host of the podcast Insatiable, and founder of Truce with Food®, Ali Shapiro.

Today, Ali shares candidly her journey to body acceptance in her twenties, many years following her battle with childhood cancer, weight issues (she had her first Weight Watchers weigh-in at age 11) and emotional eating. We also talk in-depth about the many layers of diet culture, self-sabotage, and the difference between being self-aware rather than self-critical.

In this episode you’ll hear:

  • Ali’s journey to body acceptance and how she got to where she is today 
  • Ali’s view on diet culture and how she describes it as a product of patriarchy, white-supremacy, and capitalism 
  • Three patterns of conflict styles, self-sabotage and your inner-protector 
  • Vulnerability, belonging and how it relates to food/body struggles 
  • Listening to your body in a more methodical way 
  • The one question we need to ask when our mental food/body doubts creep in 

This episode is so rich with information, you may have to listen to it more than once.

http://yourkickasslife.com/244

 

 

 

Aug 29, 2018
Episode 243: This is what you have control over
24:34

I recently came across a video created by a young woman named Claire Wineman. Terminally ill with Cystic Fibrosis, she says that even though she’s going to die sooner than most and that no one can control the fact that their going to die someday, what can can control is if we’re living a life we’re proud of. I LOVED this message because that’s also my mission. The mission of YKAL is two-fold. I help women feel less alone and help them create and live a life they are proud of. 

So, how do we do this? What’s the path? Of course I don’t have all the answers, to all the things, but in my decade of experience helping women create lives their proud of and from walking through my own fire, creating a life I’m proud of, I think I have a handle on it. Here’s some questions I compiled to help you do this: 

Do you know what your values are and what they look like? 

Do you know what it means and looks like to have compassion for yourself? And do you practice it? 

Do you know what it means to have compassion for others? (Because when we don’t, check what kind of expectations you have. The expectations you have of others are often directly correlated to the expectations you have of yourself.)

Do you know where you need to set boundaries? Do you know how to do that? 

Do you show up for the few people in your life that need you? Like really show up? 


Do you ALLOW people to show up for you? And when they do, do you show them ALL of you, not just “the facts”? 

Do you take care of your physical body? 

Do you feel your feelings or do you stuff them and numb them away? 

Do you take care of your spirit? 

Do you take care of your financial house? 

Is there anything else you feel in your soul that you need to change that will make you proud of who you are?

http://yourkickasslife.com/243

 

Aug 22, 2018
Episode 242: Healing From Anxiety and Finding Lasting Peace with Corinne Zupko
51:46

Corinne Zupko is my guest this week on the podcast. She is the author of the best-selling book, From Anxiety to Love: A Radical New Approach For Letting Go of Fear and Finding Lasing Peace. And yes, today we are talking all about anxiety. In fact, anxiety focused episodes are the most popular episodes of the podcast. So, I know it’s what many of you want to hear about!

In today’s episode, we talk about Corrine’s book and her inspiration to write it on this topic. She shares openly about her personal experiences with anxiety, panic attacks and phobias; and how her introduction to a particular kind of spirituality helped her recover from her anxiety and panic disorder. Plus, I share some of my own experiences with panic attacks and anxiety. And, later, Corrinne shares her thoughts on meditation and a three-step recipe for healing. Even if you don’t struggle with clinical anxiety, this episode touches on topics and information that is helpful to all.

In this episode you’ll hear:

  • Corinne’s inspiration to write a book on anxiety (5 minutes and 12 seconds)
  • Corinne’s take on spirituality and her work with anxiety and healing (13:19)
  • Distinguishing between the inner therapist voice (intuition) and the ego voice (inner critic) (19:30)
  • A three-step recipe for healing (34:05)

Resources from this episode

Corinne’s website
Corinne’s book
Episode 153: Listener Q & A on anxiety and what to do about it
Corinne’s podcast episode with John Mark Straud: Episode 8: “How to ‘hear’ guidance”
----

There are FOUR spots left for The Mentorship, which is a group program that incorporates The Daring Way™ and so much more. This is for women who are ready to take their personal development to the next level.

I’ve decided to hop on a video call on August 28th at 3pm Eastern time (noon Pacific). No need to sign up for anything, just put this link in your calendar and join me at that date and time! Plus, it costs ZERO dollars!

I’ll be covering:

  • The four main topics to study in your life that will help you IMMENSELY with your confidence, relationships with others, and your general well-being.
  • What the process of shame resilience actually is.
  • The BIG surprise I had in 2011 which made me change the course of my coaching practice and go in the direction I’ve stayed in all these years.
  • Plus, any questions you have about The Mentorship!

I love doing these live videos with you (and yes, there will be a replay if you can’t be there live!) and sharing this work with you! Even if you don’t think The Mentorship is for you right now, you don’t want to miss this on the 28th!

See you there!

 

http://yourkickasslife.com/242

 

Aug 15, 2018
Episode 241: The Good, The Messy, and Magnificent with Geneen Roth
33:47

I am excited, on so many levels, to have Geneen Roth on the show with me this week. She is the author of ten books, including the just released This Messy Magnificent Life. I was first introduced to Geneen and her writing, when I read her book, Women Food and God. It was one of the first books I read about how what we eat is connected to our core beliefs. I have since consumed many of her books and one of the reasons why I am happy she was my guest.

In this episode, Geneen and I talk about her newest book, the evolution of her relationship with food and some of our meditation failures. Plus, we talk all about the inner critic, which Geneen calls, “the crazy aunt in the attic,” and Geneen offers some ways to manage her.

In this episode you’ll hear:

  • Wanting something more and deeper (7 minutes and 4 seconds)
  • How Geneen’s relationship with food evolved over time and how the journey is depicted through her books (9:05)
  • Our failures at meditation and insightful advice for those that are about to get started (15:49)
  • All about the crazy aunt in the attic and how Geneen teaches people to deal with her (20:52)
  • How to catch the background noise of the inner critic (28:10)

http://www.yourkickasslife.com/241

 

Aug 08, 2018
Episode 240: Choosing Wonder Over Worry and Going All In with Amber Rae
47:21

This week on the podcast, my guest is Amber Rae, author of the book Choose Wonder Over Worry: Move Beyond Fear and Doubt to Unlock Your Full Potential. And, y’all, you know I get really excited when I have a guest on the show to talk about their new book. I cannot wait to introduce Amber to you. Amber is also an artist and speaker whose work invites you to live your truth, befriend your emotions, and express your gifts.

Today, Amber and I talk about playing small, how to move beyond fear and instead go all in. Plus, Amber shares her unique way of classifying wonder and worry, listening to your inner guide and how to turn life’s messy moments into something beautiful.

In this episode you’ll hear:

  • How to distinguish when choosing small projects, how to say no, and to claim the life you really want (18:24)
  • Classifying wonder & worry in distinct ways (21:44)  
  • Some ways we can be more in tune with our inner guide (27:37)
  • How to turn something messy and fearful into something beautiful (32:52)
  • The fear of rejection and what others think of you (38:24)

http://www.yourkickasslife.com/240

 

Aug 01, 2018
Episode 239: The importance of taking small action
24:56

You’ve probably listened to hundreds of podcasts, read or listened to dozens of books, and have probably done a lot of work on yourself just from the awareness you’ve gained from those efforts.

And I’m going to ask you to do more.

Because sometimes we look at the metaview of how we want our life to change and it seems too daunting. Sometimes we look at other people’s lives and wonder how we will ever get to the place where we’re like them (well, the story we make up that is their life). Sometimes we feel like there are so many moving parts to personal development, where one thing leads to another and so on and so forth and where is the end to all this growth? (Hint: there isn’t an end.)

So, I compiled a short list (not an exhaustive one, just a start) of small actions you can do today or this week or sometime soon that will make a difference. As you’ve heard me say over and over again, courage (even in the face of fear) brings confidence-- the knowledge that we can do hard things and even if we do the hard thing and fall on our face, we then realize we’ll live through it. In no particular order...

 

  1. Having a hard conversation. Who is the person you need to talk to? What is the thing you are afraid to say? What can you do this week to take a step in that direction?
  2. Controlled emoting. You may remember me talking about this in How To Stop Feeling Like Shit about controlled emoting. That thing you’ve been stuffing down? Feel it.
  3. Writing a letter you’ll never send. It can be to anyone or anything. It can be angry, sad, full of rage, I hate you, anything and everything you’re feeling about something happening. Write it to your mom, your president, your ex, your fear, the patriarchy, anything that brings up the uncomfortable feelings you’re trying not to feel.
  4. Researching starting your own business. Whether you want it to be a complete career change, a hobby, or a side hustle, so many people want to do this and never start. Research is the first step.  
  5. Go to that poetry reading. Or open mic comedy night. Or political meeting. That place you’ve been thinking about that makes you uncomfortable but is the source of the fire in your belly.
  6. Throw out all the stuff from your ex that you’ve been meaning to throw away. Whatever you need to do to cleanse old energy. Maybe it’s just cleaning out your closet or your garage. Out with the old.  
  7. Start that creative project you’ve been thinking about for forever. Too many times we put off creativity as a luxury, or being unproductive. If you wait until it doesn’t feel like that, you’ll wait forever. Just carve out 30 minutes and do it.

(Remember, in the corresponding podcast episode, I go into more detail and even give you a pep talk at the end.)

And hey! If you’re ready to take even BIGGER action, check out The Mentorship. I’m taking 12 women who are ready to do the work, on an epic adventure this fall. I’d love to chat with you about it if you think it’s a good fit.

http://yourkickasslife.com/239

 

Jul 25, 2018
Episode 238: Being More Productive and Combating Overwhelm with Charlie Gilkey
47:56

Charlie Gilkey joins me on the podcast today. Charlie is known for his knowledge around the topic of productivity and who doesn’t want to be more productive? Am I right? Charlie is a sought-out after advisor and speaker on all things business and productivity. But have no fear, whether you are a business owner or not - his teachings can be applied to all facets of your life.

In this episode Charlie and I talk about overwhelm versus overload, why we don’t make time for self-care, and the various ways to block time in order to be more productive.  Plus, we discuss the behaviors and actions that get in the way of productivity, “wtf” moments and being in the moment.

In this episode you’ll hear:

  • Combating overwhelm by looking at your ‘overload’ (4 minutes and 40 seconds)
  • Time blocking and how it can be used to help us be more productive (6:22)
  • Illuminating “invisible tasks”, such as turning off the lights or cleaning up after family (9:26)
  • Why self-care is typically last on our to-do list and the first to get pushed off (13:28)
  • Charlie’s Random Wednesday Self-Care Challenge (15:26)
  • Courage, boundaries and discipline; how they relate to each other (22:42)
Jul 18, 2018
Episode 237: What triathlon has taught me about life
40:47

Today’s episode comes in two parts. First, I’m joined by my friend Ella, who participated in a sprint triathlon with me last month. You’ll hear how she SMOKED me and what I thought of that!

Then, I’m sharing with you what I’ve learned from triathlons, both the training and the race itself. Sports can always be great metaphors for life, and triathlon is no different (You might remember an episode I did on what roller derby can teach you about life).

Obviously, the audio podcast goes into much more, but here are seven ways triathlon is just like life:

Consistency matters. I’ve done a total of about 15 races in my life, ranging from sprint triathlons to a half marathon. I’ve trained well and I’ve trained not well. I’m stating the obvious here, but when you train consistent, you’ll see better results. Yes, you might miss a workout here and there, but if the majority of your training is consistent, you’ll do well. And when you join a training group and/or hire a coach, you’ll see even bigger strides.

This is the same with personal development. When you use your tools consistently, you’ll see better results. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve worked with people on negative self-talk, they use one tool once, and they get exasperated that they still have negative self-talk. That’s like working out once in your life, competing in a triathlon and expecting to win the whole thing. It’s not going to happen like that, you need consistency.

Persistency matters. Directly related to what I just stated, you must keep going despite difficulty. In triathlon training, your muscles will get tired. You’ll not want to do that brick workout. You’ll get tired of the chlorine hair. You’ll realize how slow you are and feel like it’s not worth it. But, there’s nothing like the feeling of carrying on when it’s gets hard. The feeling of strength and courage is what builds confidence.

In self-help, sometimes it’s discouraging when none of your friends are into (btw, you can look for more friends), or when you feel like you’re not growing at the rate you want to or think you should. Or maybe you’re digging into a topic with your therapist that is bringing up trauma for you and you’re ready to quit it all, wishing you could go back to just living on the “surface” of your life. But, persistency is key. You must keep going because it matters and you matter.

If you fall off the habit, just get back on. Maybe you get sick or injured, maybe you just get lazy and don’t train for a week. And then you think all your training was for nothing. So, might as well quit, right? NO! Like Dori says, just keep swimming (and running and cycling)!

In personal development, you will have setbacks. It’s not a matter of if, it’s a matter of when. And many times when that happens, you might feel like throwing in the towel. You’ll feel like you already worked on this and you have to start over, which feels discouraging. But, in order to have the life you want, to get the results you want in your life, you have to get back on the horse. It’s that simple.

Sometimes you have to do things you don’t like. I don’t like to workout first thing in the morning. I don’t like to try and put on a sports bra after swimming when I feel like I’m trying to put on a strait jacket while soaking wet. I don’t like coming in last place in my age group. But, I do it all anyway. Obviously I’m not going to do things that put me in danger (although some would argue that swimming in open water puts you at risk for getting eaten by the Loch Ness Monster), but the things I don’t like during triathlon training are uncomfortable.

Personal development is hands down uncomfortable. Sometimes it’s mild, and sometimes it’s hold-my-hair-back-while-I-puke painful. Either way, you’re stretching and growing and getting better. It’s the nature of the beast.

You’re training for something you’re most likely not going to win. The majority of triathletes are what we call “age groupers”. We’re not elite athletes, we know we’re not going to win the grand prize money. We’re training for ourselves only and the satisfaction we get from the training and the event itself. We know a very small part of the population does this, that other people might think we’re crazy, and we do it anyway.

In self-help there is no winner. “Winning” is in the work, it’s the freedom of not being weighed down anymore, it’s creating a life we love and are proud of. And, like with triathlon, a small part of the population does this, other people might think we’re crazy, and we do it anyway.

Fueling yourself appropriately is everything. This is an obvious one for triathlon training, but one thing I learned was on the morning of the past race I did. The morning of, I was awake at 4:30am, for a 7:10am race. I had a Cliff bar, some water and some coffee and thought that would be enough. I got out of the water around 7:30 after swimming 880 meters and the hunger pains kicked in. I knew the bike and run would be tough. And they were.

In personal development, your fuel looks like: the people you surround yourself with, what you consume (podcasts, movies, music, books, etc.) and your self-talk. It’s all important, so be intentional about it. The path to get to where you want to be will be easier if you do your best to make sure the fuel in your life is as positive as possible.

It’s all about the story you tell yourself. This is true in training for a triathlon and race day, and even before you decide to sign up for one. You might tell yourself you’re too old, too out of shape, too overweight, too whatever to do it. Unless you’re dead, you can do it. Or, you might tell yourself the drains in the pool will suck you down if you swim over them, or that a swamp person will grab your ankles while you swim in the open water (*ahem*, not that I tell myself that). If you let your fears take over, you’ll have the absolute hardest time. And if you get out in front of them and learn to manage them, the journey will be much easier.

In your self-help journey, if you pay attention, you’ll notice that you make up stories all the time. About how people feel about you, about what someone meant when they said that, about your worth, about what will happen if you do this or that, and on and on. It’s a natural part of the human experience, it’s what our brains love to do. While you can’t stop yourself from quickly making up stories, you CAN notice when it happens, and challenge the story.

I’ll leave you with this: With both triathlon and personal development, you’ll be proud AF of yourself when you do it. Every time.

 

http://yourkickasslife.com/237

 

Jul 11, 2018
Episode 236: Living a Bigger and Bolder Life with Sara Dean
51:00

lives. Plus, we talk all about the power in motherhood. This episode, is NOT just for moms! I know even if you don’t have kids, you’ll get a lot out of this interview!

In this episode you’ll hear:

  • Sara’s pivot out of the fitness industry and into the launch of Shameless Mom Academy (7 minutes and 15 seconds)
  • Performing well in fear; plus walking into fear and upleveling your life (20:41)
  • Where women are limiting themselves and the action steps to take to live bigger lives (23:55)
  • The power in motherhood and what many are missing (36:08)
  • Living reactive versus proactive and its significance for growth and power (44:04)

The YKAL Patreon party is in full swing! If you haven’t heard, the podcast is becoming listener supported, and by doing so I’m creating a community of YKAL podcast listeners who will be able to suggest guests, get their personal questions answered on Listener Q & A episodes, have opportunities to be gifted the books from guests I have on the show and SO MUCH MORE! Head on over to check out and become a patron!

 

http://yourkickasslife.com/236

 

Jul 04, 2018
Episode 235: Resolving Fear, Claiming Your Power, and Witchcraft Talk with Alionka Polanco
54:27

This week on the podcast Alionka Polanco joins me. She is an NYU-certified life and success coach, she is the founder The Big Vision Mastermind and author of "Beyond Profit: The Successful Woman's Guide to a Meaningful Life." Alionka and I have had a kindred friendship from afar for quite some time, including following each other and chatting on social media, and we even tried to meet up in real life (which sadly did not work out). That is why I am so excited to have her on the show. And, I am equally excited to share her amazing energy with you!

In this episode we talk about living a fuller life, resolving fear, and getting clear on what you want. Plus, we talk all about our witch lineage, claiming the power of magic, and how the growth process can be a scary thing.

In this episode you’ll hear:

  • When Alionka realized she no longer needed to fit into a mold and how it made her feel (7 minutes and 58 seconds)
  • Having the courage to get rid of what you don’t want and releasing what doesn’t serve you (12:10)
  • One turtle step to help you get clear on what you truly do want (15:32)
  • Waking up to spirituality, spirit guides, and our witchy maternal lineage (19:54)
  • The fear of power, plus your definition of power (33:09)
  • The Four Agreements and how to not take things personally (43:48)

Also, these are the final few days to grab your extra bonuses over on Patreon! The podcast is becoming listener supported, and by doing so I’m creating a community of YKAL podcast listeners who will be able to suggest guests, get their personal questions answered on Listener Q & A episodes, have opportunities to be gifted the books from guests I have on the show and SO MUCH MORE! Head on over to check out and become a patron!

 

http://yourkickasslife.com/235

 

Jun 27, 2018
Episode 234: A Different Perspective on the Inner Critic with Laura Powers
45:55

Today is a great day because Laura Powers is back on the podcast! Laura is a celebrity psychic who has been featured by Buzzfeed, NBC, ABC, CBS, FOX, and many other media outlets. Not too long ago, Laura and I began talking about the inner-critic. And she happens to have a slightly different perspective on the inner-critic than I do. I love it when guests can come on to share their unique view on managing negative self-talk so you have even more tools to learn and grow.

In this episode we begin with a conversation about the inner critic, of course. We then move on to talking about Mercury in Retrograde, the healing power of sleep and empathetic energy. This was such an interesting conversation. So much so, I may even have Laura (whom I’ve dubbed our ‘in-house psychic’) back on the podcast again!

In this episode:

  • Laura’s unique view about our thoughts, things we are receiving externally, and the inner critic  (8:10)
  • Mercury in Retrograde; what it means and how can it affect the world around us (20:27)
  • The healing power of sleep (28:32)
  • Empathetic energy, it’s possible your feelings are actually not yours (40:00)

http://yourkickasslife.com/234

 

Jun 20, 2018
Episode 233: What I've learned from 10 years of blogging
26:48

On June 12th, 2008, I published my first blog post. I had no idea I would go on to create the YKAL community I’ve since created, I just knew I loved personal development and wanted to share it with the world, or at least 5 or 6 people who might read my little blog.

A decade later, I’ve switched from “Live Your Ideal Life” to what you know now as “Your Kick-Ass Life”, wrote and published 2 books (the second being translated into 15 languages, wait, what!?), nearly 250 podcast episodes, helped thousands of women in their lives and I’ve learned a lot. Here’s some things I’ve learned just about writing alone...

      1. Writing makes you a better writer. One of the simplest pieces of advice I ever got and absolutely the truest. To be a better swimmer, you swim. To be a better kung fu fighter, you kung fu fight. Writing is the same, it’s getting your butt in the seat (unless you have a standing desk, if so, yay you!) and write. If you’re really committed, try to write every day.
      2. Write like no one is reading. This might be easy if you journal and lock it up in your safe that has 17 lock combinations on it and you’re sure no one will read it, but sometimes we are bloggers, freelance writers, and Facebook status updaters. We know people are reading and that knowing can change the way we write and express ourselves.When we do this, a little or a lot of bullshit can creep in. We start to worry about what people will think, we might skew our opinion to not seem “too much” of something, and things can go sideways, fast.If you want to write with your whole heart, if you want to tap into the innermost parts of yourself that are raw and real and uncensored, you must write like no one is reading.
      3. But also write like people are reading. I know I just gave you a heartfelt sermon on writing like no one is reading, but you have to know your audience once you create a community of readers. This lesson doesn’t apply if you’re writing with no goal in mind except to write (ie you’re not trying to build a business now or even eventually). If you want to grow your writing community, whatever that looks like, you must get to know who your best followers are. Follow your intuition, and listen to your audience at the same time.
      4. You will get criticism, even if it’s just about your grammar. A wise woman once said, “You haven’t made it until you get a hater” and “hater” being anyone from a troll to someone who criticizes your work. There’s thoughtful criticism which is basically just feedback that argues your points, opinions, or work in general, and then there’s people who are just dicks.The thing is, if you keep writing or putting your art out there, you will eventually get criticism. You’re not for everyone, and that’s okay.
      5. What you do with that criticism will set your future into motion. I wrote about this in my last book, How To Stop Feeling Like Shit, and that’s about learning to deal with criticism. I used to let it TAKE ME DOWN. I would go down the rabbit hole of “This is too hard, people are mean, THEY DON’T EVEN KNOW ME, I hate this, I’m a terrible writer, okay bye” and then maybe write a few blog post that I made sure were so vanilla and inoffensive to all people on planet Earth.What I’ve learned about this is that 1) People are allowed to have their own opinions. If you’re sharing your art on a public platform (a blog, freelance article, Facebook) you’re going to eventually get someone who disagrees with you and that’s their right. Sometimes they are kind and thoughtful about it, and sometimes they are not. 2) And when they are not, it’s your choice to engage, but arguing with someone who doesn’t have the decency to engage with kindness, and get them to like you or see your side is like trying to nail jello to the wall. It’s not going to happen and it’s terribly messy and aggravating. 3) It will still sting when people criticize your work, so feel your feelings, vent to your friends about it, forgive the person who was rude/an a-hole/just had a different opinion and do your best to move on.
      6. Your ideas, opinions and things you’re passionate about will change over time, you may even disagree with your former self. OMG the old, old blog posts I wrote. I’ve only deleted one of hundreds, but when I go back and read some of my old stuff, some of it I laugh and think, “Hey, that’s pretty clever” and some of it I cringe. I wrote through much of my eating disorder recovery, so I can watch myself getting better, like looking through old journals. Try not to be embarrassed about it, it’s just where you were at the time. Also, check out this screenshot of my very first blog.
      7.  Your parents might read your writing and then there might be some awkward conversations. Erg. Years ago-- it might have been my first year of blogging, my mom had read one of my posts and said, “Honey, don’t you think some things are better left unsaid?” And my first reaction was No. In terms of this-- this platform I have where I tell the truth about my life, the messy parts, the great parts and everything in between--I don’t think there are things I should cover up. I know what she was saying, and in her defense, she comes from a different generation where you always “put your best foot forward” and she and I are just different like that. So please know that if you write, or even podcast, you run the risk of people you care about like your family, or co-workers, neighbors, your kids, really ANYONE might read or listen to your work. Be prepared.

This whole journey has been incredible. I look forward to more decades of truth telling, and growing along side with all of you.

http://yourkickasslife.com/233

 

Jun 13, 2018
Episode 232: Big Love, Forgiveness and Compassion with Scott Stabile
54:07

This week I welcome Scott Stabile to the podcast. He is the author of the book, Big Love. I’ve been watching him from afar for a while now. I heard him on another podcast, began following him on social media, and then read his book. Scott has such an amazing and heart-wrenching story, but it is one of resilience and strength. And, I knew I just had to introduce him to you!

In this episode we talk a lot about love and forgiveness. We touch on Scott’s story, including how he evolved into being a teacher on the topic of love. Plus, we explore the topics of compassion and empathy, how small things matter, and how to show up for yourself.

In this episode you’ll hear:

  • Making the commitment to live our lives from love 
  • Does our life purpose really matter? 
  • The path to forgiveness is empathy 
  • Empathy, compassion and boundaries 
  • Scott explains how the writing process can be a powerful tool 

http://yourkickasslife.com/232

 

Jun 06, 2018
Episode 231: Living a More Courageous Life with Kate Courageous
42:05

Kate Courageous is back on the YKAL podcast, y’all!  She was one of my first podcast guests, way back in 2013. She is a dear friend of mine, as well, and I am thrilled she is back, this time to share her thoughts on fear, courage, and the inner-critic.  

Kate is also the author of The Courage Habit: How to Accept Your Fears, Release the Past, and Live Your Courageous Life.  I am so happy her book is available! Today, we talk all about her new book and living more courageous lives. Plus, we cover the brain science behind courage habits, and identifying and then dealing with habits that are holding you back.  

In this episode you’ll hear:

  • Four fear patterns that get people stuck (4 minutes and 36 seconds)
  • Some ways we try to deal with fear (10:25)
  • The more you go into the things you fear, the wider your comfort zone becomes (17:07)
  • Reaching out and creating a community, courage-based values, and being vulnerable (22:17)
  • Fear is a wound and needs understanding and how to strike a balance with fear (34:39)

Also, did you know I’m back to doing weekly Facebook and Instagram Live videos? Join me on Thursday’s at noon Eastern time (9am Pacific) on either Instagram or Facebook as I talk about a personal development lesson (~ 10 minutes).(If you miss it, you can see archived videos on Facebook or my YouTube channel).  

http://yourkickasslife.com/231

 

May 30, 2018
Episode 230: Favorite things I use everyday
37:13

Hey ass kickers! Well, after nearly 10 years of blogging, 5 years and 228 podcast episodes, I’m FINALLY doing a favorite things episode! I tried to record both as a regular podcast episode AND video, but alas, I had an technology FAIL on the video side, so these images will have to do!

So, without further ado, here are some of my favorite things…

Misc.

Golden Girls coasters. I don’t even think I need to sell you on this one.

Hair and beauty:

Nume Curling Wand- When I do actually do my hair, I use this curling wand. I’ve had a few different ones, and this one by far is my favorite. I often get comments on my hair and on one occasion was chased down in Target by a breathless woman asking me how I got my curls.

Lush’s Sea Salt Spray-- I’ve tried several Sea Salt sprays, even a big brand name that will go unnamed, but they’ve all been a huge waste of money, until I tried Lush’s brand. The smell is amazing, it’s not sticky, and works great.

MAC Cosmetics Studio Fix-- I use the powder (BTW, that link will take you to my shade, NC30, but you probably want to go somewhere where they sell it so someone can match your skin tone). Super easy to put on (I use a brush) and I use to even out my skin tone. Add a little blush, eyebrow pencil, and mascara and I’m done.

The bralette- Two of my favorites are here and here. Great for the small to medium breasted women who don’t need a whole lot of support.

Gold bond hand cream- I feel like such a grandma with this, but… I have really dry skin and can’t stand it when my hands feel dry. I’ve tried approximately 17,000 different hand creams and this one BY FAR is my favorite. It’s not greasy (unless you use way too much), and it works, even through a hand washing. I keep the small tubes in different drawers all over my house, in my purse, and in the car.

I don’t consider myself a super techie person, but these are the apps I can’t live without AND they’re all easy to use.

Apps I use:
Audible-  Great for audiobooks! Need I say more?

Goodreads- Organize all the books you’ve read, are currently reading, and want to read. I use it especially for logging books I want to read, and reading reviews from people I know-- as it syncs with Facebook.

Voxer- I’m obsessed with this app and have been for years. It’s changed my relationship with my friends for the better! It’s a walkie talkie app that allows you to also text, send images and videos, and gifs. I also use it with my private clients.

Podcast app- Duh.

Venmo- Pay people and get paid easily with NO FEES. Super easy to set up and use. (I don’t know if I would recommend this for business, but check with your CPA.)

Insight Timer- GREAT for meditation, especially for beginners.

YogaGlo- Get access to loads of different teachers for yoga and meditation, all from the comfort of home! (Get your first two weeks of YogaGlo FREE when you sign up on YogaGlo.com/KICKASS.)

Yoga Studio- Super easy to use Yoga app. The reason I love this is the simplicity. Not a lot of choices, but just enough to get the job done.

gTasks Pro- Essential, especially if you use Google Calendar. It syncs to the “tasks” portion of your Google Cal, and is SO easy to use.

Books I love:
I Thought It Was Just Me: Making the journey from “What Will People Think” to “I am Enough.” By Brené Brown

The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go Of Who You Think You're Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are. By Brené Brown

Daring Greatly: How the Courage of Being Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead By Brené Brown

Rising Strong: How the Ability to Reset Transforms The Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead By Brené Brown

Braving the Wilderness: The Quest for True Belonging and the Courage to Stand Alone By Brené Brown

Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find-- And Keep-- Love.  Find out why you behave the way you behave in relationships and how you can fix when it’s not working. So very eye-opening!

5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts. An oldie but a goodie. Easy read and good to find out how you receive love. Great awareness to have not just in romantic relationships but friendships as well.

Facing Love Addiction: Giving yourself the power to change the way you love by Pia Mellody

Codependent No More: How to stop controlling others and start caring for yourself by Melody Beattie

Getting the Love You Want: A guide for couples by Harv Hendrix

Keeping the Love You Find: A personal guide by Harv Hendrix

Perfect Girls, Starving Daughters: How the Quest for Perfection is harming young women by Courtney E. Martin

You Are a Badass at Making Money: Master the mindset of wealth by Jen Sincero

Documentaries:
There are SO MANY great documentaries out there, and to be honest, I haven’t watched that many lately, but here are three that have stuck out to me immensely:

Miss Representation. Watch this with the men in your life and with your daughters (appropriate age is around 13 years old.) Then, talk about it.

The Mask You Live In. Again, watch this with the men in your life and with your sons (again, appropriate age is probably 12 or 13). Then, talk about it.

13th. This is such an important film. According to common sense media, 16 is an appropriate age for this one.

http://yourkickasslife.com/230

 

 

May 23, 2018
Episode 229: Healing From Parental Wounds, Making Peace and Moving Forward with Jeannine Yoder
45:11

This week on the YKAL podcast I am joined by Jeannine Yoder, a New York Times Featured Business & Feminine Leadership Coach For Coaches, Broadway Starlet and the Founder of Mentor Masterclass. Jeannine has such an incredible story of resilience and redemption. And you know how I love a good redemption story!  In this episode Jeannine shares how she overcame a really difficult childhood, one surrounded by drug addicted parents, chaos and trauma.

She talks openly about her path to healing, which spanned many years. Plus, she goes on to share how she ‘rose from the ashes’ and became a broadway star. Finally, she offers some of her own advice for healing the parental wound and making peace with it all.

In this episode you’ll hear:

  • Jeannine share in detail her childhood story and what she learned the most from her experiences (5 minutes and 58 seconds)
  • Not being a victim of circumstances, plus listening to your inner voice to empower and guide you through life decisions (11:07)
  • How to love your life with your whole being and still be healing and lessons learned from attending AA meetings with her father (16:00)
  • Becoming a broadway star; the lifestyle of an artist (19:17)
  • Jeannine’s tools and strategies for healing the mother wound (26:56)
  • The greatest way to healing your story is by telling your story (38:10)

Also, did you know I’m back to doing weekly Facebook and Instagram Live videos? Join me on Thursday’s at noon Eastern time (9am Pacific) on either Instagram or Facebookas I talk about a personal development lesson (~ 10 minutes).(If you miss it, you can see archived videos on Facebook or my YouTube channel). 

http://yourkickasslife.com/229

 

May 16, 2018
Episode 228: Getting Real About Life, Motherhood and Sobriety with Janelle Hanchett
40:23

I devoured Janelle Hanchett’s memoir, I’m Just Happy to Be Here, while I was in New York on my book tour. I could not put it down. Janelle is also the creator of the website, Renegade Mothering, and she is this week’s guest on the YKAL podcast.  In this episode Janelle and I discuss her new book and her blog which are both devoted to her take on maneuvering through life, motherhood and sobriety. We also touch on her addiction and sobriety story.

But first, I share some of my recent experiences with triathlon training. Let’s just say, it’s been more challenging than I had anticipated. I also talk about my fear of drains and how that relates to why I decided to sign up for a sprint triathlon (yes, I’m seriously afraid of drains). Which leads me to the main reason for mentioning all of this: what is one thing you are afraid of and what can you do to push yourself through it?

In this episode you’ll hear:

  • The “why” behind creating the Renegade Mothering blog (10 minutes and 48 seconds)
  • Meeting up with other moms at the park, playing the “one-upping” game and really just wanting to get real, instead (17:07)
  • In the midst of writing her book, Janelle shares an event that rocked her to the core and how that event ultimately affected how she wrote the rest of the memoir (23:12)
  • How Janelle managed sobriety through grief and how she manages it daily with a busy lifestyle (28:31)

Also, did you know I’m back to doing weekly Facebook and Instagram Live videos? Join me on Thursday’s at noon Eastern time (9am Pacific) on either Instagram or Facebook as I talk about a personal development lesson (~ 10 minutes). This week is self-forgiveness! (If you miss it, you can see archived videos on Facebook or my YouTube channel).  

http://yourkickasslife.com/228

 

May 09, 2018
Episode 227: Differently Wired: Raising an Exceptional Child with Debbie Reber
37:49

My personal friend and colleague Debbie Reber joins me on the YKAL podcast this week. She is a mother of a differently wired child and is the podcast host of TILT Parenting. Her book, Differently Wired: Raising an Exceptional Child in a Conventional World, comes out in spring 2018, which we talk about in this episode.

As some of you may know my son was diagnosed with high-functioning autism, sensory processing disorder, and anxiety disorder, at the age of 5.  In this episode Debbie and I share some of our own experiences as parents of atypical children. Plus, we also talk about how having an exceptional child can bring up some of our own complicated and messy feelings and how we worked through them.

Whether you are a parent of an exceptional child or a parent of a neurotypical child; the topics we cover are meant to offer support and understanding for everyone, even if you don’t have children.

In this episode you’ll hear:

  • Why we tend to isolate when faced with the situation of having an exceptional child (3 minutes and 59 seconds)
  • Letting go of what others think about your child (atypical or not) when they go against social norms (8:39)
  • The complexities of mourning your child’s diagnosis, dealing with the loss of the vision you had for them, and giving yourself time to mourn by politely telling people to f*ck off (12:05)
  • Dealing with the expectations of parenting, with ourselves and with our children (13:31)
  • Creating space where your child can feel secure (22:47)
  • As more and more resources become available and exceptional children are being accepted in today’s society, hear Debbie’s vision and hope for the future of differently wired children (28:20)

Also, join me on Thursdays at noon eastern time (9 Pacific) LIVE on Facebook or Instagram as I share a personal growth lesson. Tomorrow’s lesson is all about complaining!

Lastly, both retreats for this year are sold out, but if you want to get on the waitlist/interest list, please sign up here.

http://yourkickasslife.com/227

May 02, 2018
Episode 226: How to Build Your Tribe with Lori Harder
38:28

This week on the YKAL podcast, I welcome back Lori Harder for the third time.  One of the things I love about Lori is that she is at a top-tier level in her business and she is simply one of the kindest people I know.  Lori has a new book coming out next week called, A Tribe Called Bliss, which I just loved and we talked about in this episode.

We also talked about building your community, creating stronger connections and how to handle friendships that have changed over time (and may no longer serve you). Plus, we touch on gossip, why it’s so important to talk about and how malicious gossip is just a cheap way to build connections.

In this episode you’ll hear

  • How Lori created a tribe of her own and some ways you can too (6 minutes and 47 seconds)
  • Collecting people can help you build connections and friends, including building your supporting cast and what that truly means (12:58)
  • Good gossip and finding a safe space with a friend to talk things through (22:18)
  • Having a conversation with a friend when the friendship has changed or may be coming to an end (26:36)
  • Creating agreements with a friend and building deeper connections (33:52)
  • Lori’s seven sacred agreements (34:46)

http://yourkickasslife.com/226

 

Apr 25, 2018
Episode 225: Owning Your Sexual Energy and Healing with Christina Dunbar
52:56

Christina Dunbar on the YKAL podcast again. I am so happy to bring her back on the podcast, because she just oozes creativity and has really dedicated her life to healing from a creative place. You can hear our first conversation about using the power of voice, here. Christina is a performing artist, poet, producer and mentor to creative women. She is also the playwright and star of Dirty Me Divine; a one-woman show about sexuality and soul, directed by husband Chaim Dunbar.

In today’s episode Christina and I explore owning your feminine sexual energy, as well as, learning how to heal shame through creative expression. Plus, we answer the question, can you truly be shameless?  Before I began my conversation with Christina, in the intro of this episode, I do my own work by sharing my own experience with surrendering and making room for success of my latest book, How To Stop Feeling Like Shit.

In this episode you’ll hear:

  • Why is it important to own and trust your sexual energy (12 minutes and 47 seconds)
  • The wounded female artist, defining an artist and dealing with art scars  (15:20)
  • Healing shame through art, storytelling and creative expression (23:17)
  • How to flex the muscle of the healing our inner artist (33:36)
  • Christina’s surprising revelations in herself and her in work (44:43)
  • Can we really be truly shameless? (47:22)

http://yourkickasslife.com/225

Apr 18, 2018
Episode 224: Personal Connection: Why It’s So Important with Lisa Daron Grossman
47:39

This week on the YKAL podcast, I am waaaay too excited to have my very dear friend, Lisa Daron Grossman join me. She is a phenomenal life coach (I know because she was my coach!), amazing human being, and creator of the Connection Cure Project. In this episode we discuss the Connection Cure, which is a cross country project that utilizes face to face connection as a catalyst for healing and wellness. Lisa shares how it was “born” out of chronic illness and isolation.

Plus, we discuss why it is so important that we are connected to one another now more than ever, answer whether or not some people need more connection than others and we chat about how engaging with strangers can be a good thing.

In this episode you’ll hear:

  • A human engagement project born out of chronic illness and isolation (3:27)
  • Healing the body through micro moments of connection (9:26)
  • How people whom have friendships and partners can still feel massive sense of loneliness (12:15)
  • Why more than ever does it matter how we are connected? (15:47)
  • Do some of us need more connection than others? (25:38)
  • How a no judgment speakeasy in the Everglades enabled human connection (37:00)

http://yourkickasslife.com/224

 

Apr 11, 2018
Episode 223: An Honest Conversation About Body Image, Part Deux with Kate Anthony
01:13:22

My dear friend, Kate Anthony is back on the YKAL podcast this week to continue our conversation about body image. Just like in Part 1 of this episode, Part 2 follows the conversation between two women on their body image journeys, and the roads traveled so far.  Full disclosure and for clarity: We are not body image experts and want to be very clear about that.

Today, we further explore this topic and respond to some of the feedback we received from Part 1 of our conversation. We also discuss diet culture, in-depth. Join us as we awkwardly make our way through the second part of our conversation about body image.

In this episode you’ll hear:

  • Owning thin privilege and naming it (23 minutes and 10 seconds)
  • What is diet culture, exactly? (27:33)
  • “The lie about diet culture is that it’s healthy.” (35:28)
  • Exercise is NOT bad. Rejecting diet culture was an act of revolution and act of self-love (40:50)
  • Reflecting on our earliest memories of dieting, our mothers’ way of handling body image and how those experiences scoped our own views about our bodies and diet culture (47:23)
  • If not dieting, then what? Kate’s choice to reject dieting and how she is learning to walk through this new part of her journey (59:19)

Kate Anthony is a certified life coach who helps women decide if they should stay in or leave their marriages and then guides them through the divorce process should they choose to leave.

Kate empowers women to find their strength, passion, and confidence even in the most disempowering of circumstances and helps them move forward with concrete plans, putting their children at the center (not in the middle) of all decisions.

In addition to her certification, Kate has also trained as a relationship coach and is an expert in communication, co-parenting, and emotional intelligence.

http://yourkickasslife.com/223

Apr 04, 2018
Episode 222: Being Boss: Living Life On Your Terms with Kathleen Shannon
35:30

Hey there ass-kickers! This week on the podcast, Kathleen Shannon, co-host of Being Boss Podcast and founder of Braid Creative and Consulting, joins me to discuss her new book, Being Boss: Take Control of Your Work and Live Life on Your Own Terms.

In this episode, we talk about what it means to be “boss” and how to cultivate a boss mindset. Plus, we discuss defining values and setting boundaries that align with those values (as you know, this is one of my favorite topics!). We also touch on several topics that will put you on the path to being boss and living life on your own terms.

In this episode you’ll hear:

  • Core values and how the value of decisiveness can help you move forward (6:25)
  • Self trust, how is this cultivated? (10:38)
  • Defining your values, what resonates with you and your story (12:27)
  • How do we reevaluate our relationship with money? (13:24)
  • Inner critic, internal freak-outs and surrounding yourself with your post-it note people (21:42)
  • Thinking from your heart and how is this different than thinking from your brain (25:36)

Kathleen Shannon is the founder of Braid Creative and Consulting, a boutique branding agency and consultancy she co-owns with her sister. She also does creative coaching and is regularly invited to speak on personal branding at design conferences and retreats. She lives in Oklahoma City with her husband and son.

http://yourkickasslife.com/222

 

Mar 28, 2018
Episode 221: An Honest Conversation About Body Image with Kate Anthony
01:00:30

My dear friend Kate Anthony joins me on the podcast this week. Kate is a certified life coach who helps women decide if they should stay in or leave their marriages and then guides them through the divorce process should they choose to leave. She is amazing at what she does!

Prior to our podcast recording, we had planned on talking about a very specific topic. And then what unfolded was more akin to an open and honest conversation between two women, two friends, in their 40s talking about body image (trigger warning - we touch on eating disorders). We also discuss how our body image has changed and evolved over the years, the pitfalls we’ve experienced and more. This is not your typical episode which gets wrapped up with a pretty bow at the end. But neither does life, the journey is always evolving and changing.

In this episode you’ll hear:

  • Two friends plan to dance like nobody's watching, while in workout clothes (11 minutes and 23 seconds)
  • Body comparison, cellulite, and managing your inner-critic (21:06)
  • Views on exercising, including some reasons why we push it away, plus body shaming in the self-help industry (27:33)
  • Being deliberate with rejecting diet culture (30:01)
  • Hitting rock bottom, Kate’s experience with an eating disorder and working through it (39:21)
  • Being intentional with body image beliefs and behaviors in order to be a better role model for our children, body shaming and cultural taboos (46:07)

http://yourkickasslife.com/221

 

Mar 21, 2018
Episode 220: Money and Relationships: It’s Not Always About The Money with Bari Tessler
58:07

Hi ass-kickers! Following February’s month-long daily diary episodes, we are back with guest interviews and our regularly scheduled programming. Today, I have an amazing guest with me, Bari Tessler. Bari is a financial therapist and mentor coach. She is also the founder of The Art of Money: a global, year-long money school, which integrates Money Healing, Money Practices and Money Maps.

No matter what economic class you were born into or what class you are in now, money-shaming exists. Bari talks about how money shaming affects our ability to reach our goals. Plus, we touch on money stories, your relationship with money and how money can affect your relationship with your partner or spouse (and what to do about it).

In this episode you’ll hear:

  • Bari’s relationship to money and her own money story (5 minutes and 20 seconds)
  • The origins of our money stories and savers versus spenders (9:43)
  • Bari’s body check-in tip to help you build a better relationship with money, she calls it the anecdote to money shame (22:08)
  • How to connect with your partner on a deeper level, starting with “money dates” (29:35)
  • When one partner makes more money, how that affects control, personal value and worth (42:03)

Bari Tessler Linden, MA, is a Financial Therapist, Mentor Coach and Mama-preneur. Bari’s gentle, body-centered approach weaves together personal, couple, and creative entrepreneurial money teachings into one complete tapestry. She is the founder of The Art of Money: a global, year-long money school, which integrates Money Healing, Money Practices and Money Maps. Her work has been featured on Oprah.com, Inc.com, and the Huffington Post and in US News & World Report, Reuters Money, The Fiscal Times, REDBOOK Magazine, Experience Life Magazine, Yogi Times, Best Self Magazine and Emerging Women. Bari is also the author of The Art of Money: A Life-Changing Guide to Financial Happiness, published by Parallax Press.

http://yourkickasslife.com/220

Mar 14, 2018
Episode 219: Free worksheet from this week’s lessons!
12:14

Phew! We made it! Thank you so much for coming along with me for these daily dairies. It’s been so fun to put these together and thank you so much for your positive feedback (ask them for rating/review). I have a worksheet for you this week! As you know, personal development is about doing the work, not just consuming it.

This week has been a mish-mosh of stories, all with their own lessons. Monday I told you the story of a dear friendship I had that had fallen apart and recently come back together.

Tuesday was about my daughter and her baby bunny videos, and how they made her absolutely weep. And how amazing it was to watch her and how grateful I was that she allowed me to do it with her.

Wednesday was about the ladybug infestation in my home office and how I’ve been watching what seems like their instincts to get outside, even though it’s not working for them. I have some questions for you if you might be doing this in your own life.

Then on Thursday, I told you a story about ego, failing, and perspective. All in wrapped up in one short story.   

So many lessons! When you download the worksheet, feel free to answer all the questions, or pick the ones that are feeling very present in your life. Don’t feel like you have to do them all just to check off the boxes ;) These worksheets are for gaining awareness so you can see what you might need to work on.

Click here to download the worksheet

***************************

P.S. I have something exciting I’ve been cooking up. I know many of you are familiar with the work of Brené Brown and know I’m a certified Daring Way™ Facilitator since 2014. I’m thinking of doing a Daring Way weekend retreat in August. If you think it might be something you’d like to do, go to this link and sign up to be notified when I open applications. There is NO obligation to sign up by doing this, I just first want to get a feel for how much interest is out there! Thank you! 💜

http://yourkickasslife.com/219

 

Mar 02, 2018
Episode 218: Sometimes we jump and the net doesn’t appear
14:24

This is a story about ego, feeling like a failure for 2 hot seconds, doing the work, and about perspective.

Portland Oregon was the 4th of 5 cities on my book tour. My friend, Bari Tessler had recommended this book store, Annie Bloom’s, telling me how awesome it was and that when she had her book signing there, she had 50 people in attendance. Bari and I have about the same size audience so I thought this was completely feasible and we booked the event there.

I was really excited about this one because one of my long-time clients was driving down from Seattle and a colleague I’ve known forever online was coming too. Plus, three additional colleagues had RSVP’ed and I was all around excited. The Facebook event told me 17 people had said YES and 74 were interested. I was expecting a great crowd!

The bookstore had set up about 25 chairs and as the time got closer, there were 8 amazing people in attendance. Two of them were the lady I was renting an Airbnb from and her friend. Those 3 additional colleagues I mentioned weren’t there.  

Obviously it wasn’t a total failure. If I went down the rabbit-hole of compare and despair to Bari’s event, well, yes, but I did my best not to go there. The people in attendance were AMAZING and I know this is part of putting yourself out there. Sometimes it doesn’t go as we planned. Sometimes we jump and the net doesn’t appear and we have to deal with all the feelings around it.

When the event was over, I was chatting with my friend Amy Pearson. I was telling her how awesome it was to get to meet people in person and also that I was a bit disappointed to see so many empty seats. And Amy said, “Really?! I thought this was a great turnout. I’m totally impressed.”

Well, how do you like that for perspective?

Sometimes we let our egos get in the way and that’s okay. Just notice.

And sometimes we feel like a failure. That’s okay too, just don’t stay there. Realize it’s just a story your brain/inner-critic made up.

Lastly, sometimes it’s all about perspective. What may not be great to you, may be great to someone else. It’s good sometimes to take that into consideration.

**********************************

I have something exciting I’ve been cooking up. I know many of you are familiar with the work of Brené Brown and know I’m a certified Daring Way Facilitator since 2014. I’m thinking of doing a Daring Way weekend retreat in August. Go to this link to sign up to be notified when I open applications soon. There’s no obligation, but I’d love to get a feel for how much interest is out there! Thank you!

http://yourkickasslife.com/218

 

Mar 01, 2018
Episode 217: Saving the ladybugs
08:28

Since we bought our house in North Carolina, every winter I have a minor ladybug infestation in my home office. They gather on the inside of my window and crawl around, trying to get out.

Now, I don’t know hardly anything about ladybugs (except they are the only bug I feel comfortable holding, I know, so weird and judgy against other bugs), but I wonder if they instinctively know what to do as they try to get outside and free themselves. And they try and try,  but are trapped.

So, every year around this time I do my best to gather them up. Because if I don’t, they die trying to get outside, and then there are dead ladybug carcasses under my desk and that’s just not good for morale around here. (Even though my only co-worker is my dog).

And mostly, I succeed in this. I get my empty coffee mug, or sometimes just my bare hands and gather up about a half-dozen at a time and take them outside. LADYBUGS, BE FREE! I shout. It’s kind of exciting.

And the weird thing is some of them don’t want to be saved. Or rather, they aren’t convinced my way is the way out. If I don’t cover them up one or two will jump out of the cup and fly back on the window, even though they’ve been crawling around there for hours, sometimes more than a day and it’s NOT WORKING.

So, do you do this?

What is it that YOU instinctively know what to do? Is there something you know you need to do, maybe even someone is trying to help you, but you keep going back to trying the thing that isn’t working?

If so, I invite you to get honest with yourself. Journal about it. Or, even just admit it out loud to yourself or to someone you trust. You, just like the ladybugs, deserve to be free from whatever is trapping you.

************************

If you’re someone who feels like she keeps crawling around the window and nothing is changing, just like the ladybugs in my office, you may want to check out the private work I do with women. I facilitate The Daring Way™, based on the work and research of Dr. Brené Brown and it is absolutely life changing. Click here to read about it and apply.

http://yourkickasslife.com/217

Feb 28, 2018
Episode 216: baby bunnies and what they have to do with you.
09:17

A couple months ago my daughter walked into my office holding the iPad and crying. My first thought was a bit of panic-- what had she stumbled upon that had so clearly upset her?

I opened my arms and asked her what was wrong. She climbed into my lap and showed me the iPad. On it was a video of a baby bunny. “Oh noooo” I thought. “She watched an animal cruelty video” and I braced myself for it.

But, that wasn't it. As I watched the video with her, it was a person holding a baby bunny in their hand. Then, they pet the tiny bunny. Then, another bunny. Then, a group a little bunnies. And all the while we watched this, my daughter didn’t just cry, she wept.

“Honey, why are you crying?” I asked her.

“They’re just so cute, mama. They’re so cute and I love them so much.” Weeping. Just weeping.

And I let her weep. I held her and we watched more baby bunny videos, then some newborn puppy videos, where she wept some more.

And it got me thinking, how often to we let it all in like that? How often to we let all the feelings in, let all the cute baby bunnies in and just feel it? And if we do, how often to we invite other people in to be with us in that? My hope is that my daughter, only eight years old, will continue to come to me in her joys, her sorrows, and everything in between to not only tell me about it, but to allow me to witness her feelings-- as uncomfortable as it may be for me sometimes. It’s an honor for me and for anyone who let’s me in on their experience.

And my hope is that you do too. That you find the courage within you to let all those cute baby bunny feelings in, feel it, and that you can find the courage to let someone witness it.

http://yourkickasslife.com/216

 

Feb 27, 2018
Episode 215: I felt like I had dug up a dead body
22:04

In episode 203 I mentioned a friend of mine where she had broken up with me in 2007 when I had all that drama in my life. I’m circling back in this episode to tell you what happened. Here’s a quick timeline:

2007: She told me she needed a break from me, as her mom was ill and I had too much drama. She was right, but it was still devastating.
2008: My life was back on track, her mom was well again, and we were friends again.
2011: We moved and we lost touch somewhat.
2012: I wrote her a three-page letter making amends to her for what I had known and remembered I had done wrong in our friendship. I also told her how much I missed her and that I would love to have her friendship again. She emailed me, acknowledging my letter and accepting my apology. She asked if we could catch up via email first. She told me a bit about what was going on in her life, I replied and did the same. Then, nothing. I followed up with another email, and nothing.

I was devastated. I wrote about this in my book, how I never knew what happened. I agonized over what I said in the email, thinking I had said something wrong. I did a lot of work on letting it all go.

October 2017: I never, ever check my “other” messages on Facebook. It’s usually creepy marriage proposals, but for some reason, I felt compelled to check. Lo and behold, there’s a message from my friend. She said hello, said she’s been thinking of me, asked how I was, and said she hoped me, the kids and Jason are well.

I felt like someone had punched me in the face.

It felt like a long-lost boyfriend whom I was in love with that had dumped me and then was circling back with a casual, hi! How are you? I had done all this work to forgive myself, to forgive her, to let her go and here she was again. Like digging up a dead body.

I replied a couple of days later and told her I would be in San Diego in January and did she want to meet up? I tried my best to not hold onto any outcomes that I wanted, but I knew I couldn't have this casual, blasé relationship. We made plans to have lunch.

I also think part of why her and that friendship held so much weight and emotion was because she was there when the ship went down for me. “I watched you weather so much then, my heart broke for you over and over again.” She said.

I knew I was walking into discomfort and comfort at the same time. Someone who knew me then. Someone who genuinely loved me and had been through her own growth over the last decade too. Someone who was willing to hear everything I had to say and was willing to say all the hard things she felt too.

The three hour lunch was incredibly healing for both of us. She told the story of losing her mom in 2016 and I told her about losing my dad. We talked about motherhood and marriage and laughed about things we hadn’t thought about in ten years. I told her how hard it was for me to get her email last October, that I was still so afraid to let her back in. She apologized, telling me in 2012 when she never replied to my email, she wasn’t sure she was ready to let me back in, but didn’t have the words to talk to me about it. So, she backed away quietly.

Our friendships can hold as much emotion and break our hearts just like our romantic relationships can. It’s imperative that we honor that-- whether the person circles back like my friend did or they don’t.

I never would have thought it would turn out how it did. But, I guess when you surrender the Universe sometimes hands you what you need.

LAST DAY TO REGISTER FOR RAISE HELL

At this point, you’ve been hearing me talk about Raise Hell for at least a week now. Today is the drop-dead last day to register. Raise Hell is a 4-month online program that will take you from a place of auto-pilot and not knowing where to start (or go next) to a place of clarity, action steps, and accountability. You’ll walk away with tools and strategies to set boundaries with kindness and courage, figure out and implement what “life balance” looks like for you, and more foundational skills. I’d love to have you join us, and there are many women ready to get started and who are ready to welcome you! Click here to join us.

http://www.yourkickasslife.com/215

 

Feb 26, 2018
Episode 214: Your manifesto
11:43

This week I talked about some pretty heavy stuff. At least it was heavy for me. Monday I talked about tolerations and shared with you some experiences that a couple of my past clients had had, as well as myself. Tolerating relationships that aren’t working for us and our decisions that followed.

Tuesday was about apologizing. Or, rather what I call “roundabout apologizing”-- prefacing requests or hard conversations with the message of, “please don’t think badly of me for asking you to do this”.

Then on Wednesday was the story about the Over the Line tournament, and me being humiliated by a stranger in front of people. And how that humiliation turned to anger, which turned to rage, what I did with it then and what I do with it now.

Yesterday I read you a poem. True confession, after I read that poem I had planned to do a Facebook live, but I needed a break. My whole body was saying no, and I felt like I just needed to be still, burn some sage, and honor what I needed. That was a doozy for me and like I was talking about in the first week of the daily diaries, upleveling.

Over the last couple of weeks I’ve created worksheets for you to be able to do the work in your own life. And this week I’ve decided to do something different. First and foremost, I’m inviting you to join me in Raise Hell. If you’ve been reading these emails (listening to these episodes) and they resonate with you, Raise Hell is probably the perfect next step for you to help you get ot the next level of your growth and your life. Everything I’ve been talking about over the last 3 weeks points to what we’ll be learning, discussing and claiming in Raise Hell.

Second, I invite you to create a personal manifesto. A manifesto is a written statement declaring your intentions, motives, or views. It can be as long or as short as you want it to be. I’ve created some prompts for you below. You don’t have to answer all of them, but use these as a guide.

I believe…
I stand for…
I am most passionate about…
I am on this planet to…
I was born in this time and space so that I can …
I will love myself by…
I have the courage to…
I will take action on…
The status quo I want to disrupt is…
What matters to me right now is…
What I know for sure is…

I’d love for you to tag me on Instagram (@yourkickasslife) and post your manifesto! I can’t wait to see what you come up with!

RAISE HELL IS OPEN! This 4-month online program is part course, part support group, part accountability group, and all around adventure that will take you from autopilot in your life, to taking action on the life you want. This is its pilot round, so there is an introductory price and tomorrow is the last day to grab that early-bird offer! Click here to join us. Get the tools you need to claim your life, set boundaries, and let go of things that aren’t serving you anymore.

We start next week!

http://yourkickasslife.com/214

 

Feb 23, 2018
Episode 213: My resignation.
15:44

Dear World,

I’m resigning today.

Resigning from the job I was given to make you happy and comfortable.

I don’t remember even applying for this job, but nonetheless, it was handed to me.

Somehow, somewhere, a story was bestowed on me and my fellow females.

That we have a job that is an ever so important one.

That job has many rules and responsibilities.

A short list of the musts:

We must smile.

We must be pretty.

We must be thin.

We must be compliant.

And the must nots:

We must not get angry.

We must not age disgracefully (whatever that means)

We must not use foul language.

We must not show too much cleavage.

We must not share our opinions too forcefully and if we do dare share them, they should not offend anyone nor be disagreeable.

And if we MUST say no, we must explain ourselves, apologize, and do whatever deems necessary to make the other person feel as comfortable as possible with our no.

As I turn in my resignation, I have three words for your rules.

Fuck. That. Shit.

Because I’m done.

These rules have been for you.

These rules have morphed me into an unrecognizable rag doll that serves no purpose except to make you comfortable.

These are not my rules.

World, do you know what abiding by these rules has done?

Let me paint you a picture.

When I was 16 I was pinned down on a beach, sand in my hair,

While a boy I was on a date with forced open my pants,

Shoving his hand down my underwear.

When I told him no and to get off of me,

He said he thought that’s what I wanted because I had let him kiss me.

I liked him and with his obvious frustration I felt guilty and wrong for my decision to say no.

He took me home and on Monday at school, I heard the boys laughing and “prick tease!”--

Yelled through the hallways at me while people stopped and stared and whispered.

I learned that day if I didn’t follow the rules, if I dared say no, there would be consequences.

When I was 17 my boyfriend shoved my head down to his crotch as I suppose--

An unspoken invitation to give him a blow job.

I wanted to say no.

I didn’t.

I hated him while I did it.

But, I didn’t want him to be mad at me.

I knew how it went if I said no.

When I was 20, I found myself laying under a guy I barely knew,

Saying the word “no” over and over again as he continued to undress me.

I could have pushed him off me,

I could have said no more forcefully,

But having known the rules, I worried he would get angry,

Call me names, or worse, fight back.

So, I relented to his advances and had sex with him even though every being in my body screamed no.

Even though I acted like I enjoyed it, hoping that would help move things along.

Even though I hated myself while it happened.

All in order to make him comfortable and follow the rules.

When it was over I sobbed and ran to a pay phone to call someone to pick me up.

I knew how it went if I said no.

This went on for another decade.

Saying yes to men I didn’t want to,

All in order to please them,

To make them comfortable,

To put their feelings before mine.

To not emasculate them,

To allow them to use my body as they so pleased.

And this isn’t just about sex.

It’s about everything we’re asked to do.

We all fist pump when we hear “No is a complete sentence”,

But how many of us do it.

When we're faced with the choices of saying no with no explanation,

Or saying no while apologizing,

Thinking how we’ll make it up to them,

Over-explaining our reasons,

And praying to god they don’t get mad at us or have their feelings hurt... we chose the latter.

Because according to the rules: Just a no isn’t good enough.

According to the rules, Only bitches say no as a complete sentence.

Well, world.

I’d rather be a bitch than go against who I am as a human being.

I’d rather be a bitch than let someone shove my face into their dick.

I’d rather be a bitch than give in to sex while tears stream down my face and into my ears, Staring at the ceiling, counting to 100 hoping he finishes quickly.

(Long pause)

My daughter is 7 years old.

No one told me when I was growing up that I didn’t have to follow those rules.

No one told me that I could grow up and say no.

Without apologizing.

Without agonizing.

Without explaining.

Without making up for it.

And I’ll be honest, World,

It feels weird walking away from this job.

I’ve had it my whole life and it feels like trying to wipe my skin off.

Something that’s a part of me that I’m terrified to let go of but if I keep this job

I’ll go crazy.

So, with that, I resign.

RAISE HELL IS OPEN FOR REGISTRATION!

Raise Hell, the 4-month online program is open for registration. Join me and a group of amazing women as we break down barriers. What that looks like is values-based hell raising-- you getting clear on what’s important about the way you live your life and taking action on it. It’s about you learning how to set boundaries and have hard conversations. It’s about you letting go of the messaging and old patterns of thought about who you think you need to be and making room for who you want to be. Guided by me, we have weekly video calls, and built-in accountability. We start next week. Click here to join us.


http://yourkickasslife.com/213

Feb 22, 2018
Episode 212: That time I was humiliated in public by a stranger
15:41

It was the mid-90’s.

A small group of friends and I went to the annual Over The Line tournament in San Diego, one of the city’s oldest traditions. OTL is known for its drunkenness, topless women, and just all-around debauchery. Some call it “Mardi Gras on the beach”. Hundreds, maybe thousands of people come out for this yearly event every summer and even though it was my first time going, I wasn’t afraid at all of the craziness we were walking into.

My friends and I walked around, watched some of the teams play, and as the games wound down for the day, started to make our way towards the wide road which would take us to the main parking lot. Along that road were peoples’ Van’s and RV’s. Many of the RV’s had people hanging out around them and on top of them.

As we continued to walk, I heard a man shout from about 30 feet away. “Hey you in the white shirt!” I looked up to the top of the RV and a good-looking guy about 25 or 30 was pointing at me. We made eye contact. He said, “You have a nice smile!” I smiled at him. He continued, “I’d like to cum all over it.”

Laughter erupted. Time stood still for me. “What a dick!” one of my friends yelled. We kept walking. No one spoke of it again.

I sometimes wonder what happened to him. The guy at the over the line tournament. The guy that used me to make himself look cool. The guy that I assume never thought twice of what he shouted to me and probably so many other women. I wonder if now, twenty plus years later he is the father of daughters. I wonder if he looks back on his youth and regrets some things he did and said. I wonder if he gives a shit.

Because for me, my humiliation turned into anger and then turned into rage. Rage for my humiliation. Rage for the discomfort it caused all the people that saw and heard it. Rage for all the women who saw it who wanted to say something but couldn’t. Rage for all the women who saw it who didn’t care. Rage for the part of me who stayed silent. Rage for the fact that if I did say anything, it wouldn’t have really mattered. Rage for the fact that I knew this. Rage for all the times I had in fact shouted something back in retaliation only to met with something worse. Rage for the notion that “that’s what you get when you go to the Over The Line tournament”. Rage for living in a world where “that’s just how it is.”

My rage wasn’t expressed that day. I stuffed it away with all the other emotions I didn’t know what to do with. I lashed out at my then-boyfriend. I gave the middle finger to any and all cat-calls I received. I was aggressive and was quick to be mean.

And it wasn’t just him. It was years of sexual harassment, having my ass grabbed uninvited more times than I can possibly count, being cornered at parties and being afraid while I looked for an exit or a friend, being followed to my car, and being met with “that’s just how it is.”

What does one do with that much rage?

I look back on my behaviors that I’m not proud of and I know why. It came from a lifetime of feeling helpless. Of feeling like I don’t matter. Being told that’s just how it is, or worse, feeling like it was my fault.

So, what do you do with that much rage?

You name it. I used to be afraid to tell people I was that angry. So, I’m saying now, I was that angry. Still angry, but I don’t let it drive.

I also tell the story. It helps me process and be heard. And I write about it like I’m doing now.

I’m angry it happened, but I don’t feel rage anymore. I’ve forgiven that guy and all the others. I hope now they know...but that’s not for me to seek out or give too much thought. I can also raise my son to understand that behaviors like that are unacceptable to do to other human beings, and to call it out when he sees it.

So, with that, I ask you: What do you do with your anger? If you have rage, what do you do with that?

RAISE HELL IS OPEN FOR REGISTRATION!

Raise Hell, the 4-month online program is open for registration. Join me and a group of amazing women as we break down barriers. What that looks like is values-based hell raising-- you getting clear on what’s important about the way you live your life and taking action on it. It’s about you learning how to set boundaries and have hard conversations. It’s about you letting go of the messaging and old patterns of thought about who you think you need to be and making room for who you want to be. Guided by me, we have weekly video calls, and built-in accountability. We start next week. Click here to join us.

http://www.yourkickasslife.com/212

 

Feb 21, 2018
Episode 211: Do you do this too?
10:41

This week has a bit of a theme, and that’s about Raising Hell. What I mean by that, is that culturally, we, as women, have been taught to act and behave a certain way, a way that is acceptable and a way that will have us be more well-liked. And not necessarily outwardly taught to be a certain way by our parents and mentors, but taught by what we see on a daily basis. This is messaging we’ve received our whole lives. And one of those things is apologizing.

For instance, a few months ago I had to email someone who's not following through on their commitments and making my job harder. This person would fall off in the middle of an email conversation, and not answer questions I had. But, then start a new email telling me something or asking me questions. I even asked this person if there is another way we can do things to make our communication work better. They said no and things continue to fall through the cracks.

I knew this was going to be an uncomfortable conversation, but I called on my courage and started an email where I was going to tell this person how I felt and be clear that I needed a solution. In drafting the email I found myself typing, "I'm not trying to be a diva about this..." and I stopped myself. I’m sure we’ve all either said this or emailed this. It might also look like, "I'm sorry to seem like a pain-in-the-ass..." or "Forgive me if this sounds overbearing..."

This is what I call "roundabout apologizing".

Raise your hand if you have done this? I've less and less said "Sorry", when I don’t need to be, but still the "I'm not trying to be blah blah..." In other words: PLEASE DON'T THINK I'M AGGRESSIVE, A BITCH, HARD TO WORK WITH, DEMANDING, ETC. The risk is more than just someone having this opinion-- the risk is that I could get a reputation for being this way.

I edited my email to be kind, but still clear that I feel this person is not doing their job. Some people might think I'm a diva, or demanding, or whatever. But, I'm at the point where it hurts worse to apologize for something I don't need to apologize for than to risk being seen as whatever they make up I am.

My challenge for you is to think about where you do this too. Just get curious and watch for it. I understand that in some situations, your job depends on you keeping the peace. And, maybe just having what I’ve talked about in this post run through your head will help you think about speaking up more in meetings, in your partnerships, and friendships. Whether you have an idea about something, you need something to change, or anything at all where the words need to move out of your mouth, or even in an email. I hope you consider having a throwdown with the old messaging we’ve come so used to having. Or even if you just get curious about it. Either way, it’s an act of raising hell.

Raise Hell, the 4-month online program is open for registration. Join me and a group of amazing women as we break down barriers. What that looks like is values-based hell raising-- you getting clear on what’s important about the way you live your life and taking action on it. It’s about you learning how to set boundaries and have hard conversations. It’s about you letting go of the messaging and old patterns of thought about who you think you need to be and making room for who you want to be. Guided by me, we have weekly video calls, and built-in accountability. We start next week. Click here to join us.

http://yourkickasslife.com/211

 

Feb 20, 2018
Episode 210: What are you tolerating?
15:35

Last year I had a few clients who were dealing with some “man problems”. In a nutshell, dating men who were unavailable to them. One was having a relationship with a married man, the other was on again-off again dating someone who had made it clear to her he didn’t want to commit.

Both were in a pickle. This is what they were used to, it was their pattern. Whether the men were physically unavailable for the long term (married), or emotionally unavailable, these women just kept picking the wrong partners.

Much science has gone into why we pick certain people. My favorite book on this is “Getting the Love You Want” by Harv Hendrix. Other interesting ones are “Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment”   and really there are just too many good books on this topic to mention.

But, what I want to focus on today is not just who they were picking-- which I think for many of us is an unconscious thing that happens-- but more specifically, what they were tolerating when they were already IN the relationship and knew their partner wasn’t good for them.

Because so many of us have been there, right?

Personally, I can vividly remember sitting in my therapist's office with my ex-husband who at that time was still my boyfriend. We were in our mid-twenties and he was not ready to settle down. He would regularly stay out all night, roll home drunk at 6 am when I never knew if he was off screwing someone else or dead in a ditch somewhere (turns out he was screwing someone else throughout the majority of our relationship. Many, many someone else's). After years of this and other disrespectful behavior towards me and many months of therapy, my therapist said to me, “Andrea, I don’t think he’s ready to  change. You can either learn to tolerate it or leave.” He was sitting right there and he didn’t argue with her. We all knew it was the truth.

I knew what I was tolerating. I chose the scraps of the relationship over me. I chose the marriage and the possibility of our future children together over my personal growth. I chose the inkling of potential I saw in him over my own self-respect.

My two clients who were staying in those relationships had different circumstances, but were both tolerating bullshit. They were settling for crumbs. In our work together, we got to the bottom of why they were doing it (helpful, but not always necessary), and why they kept repeating the same pattern. They got clear on what they actually wanted and clear that they weren’t getting it from the men they were dating.

I remember a scene from an episode in Sex In The City when Carrie is asking Mr. Big to “tell her she’s ‘the one’” and he can’t say it to her. If you’ve ever been in a relationship like that you know it was so much more than just him saying it. The agony on her face when he stands there awkwardly and the fact that she can barely look him in the face says so much. It’s so hard for me to watch that scene because Sarah Jessica Parker’s face say so much: I know you can’t commit to me, I know I’ve been tolerating it all, and I know I need to say goodbye to you.

And I remember watching that scene in 1998-- five years into my own relationship where I was tolerating crumbs and wishing I had the courage she did. To follow my gut and say no. To love myself and walk away. I didn’t.

But, my clients did. They both got the courage to say goodbye, and love themselves enough to walk away.

Raise Hell, the 4-month online program is open for registration, my 4-month online program and one of the 4 modules is...TOLERATIONS. It may not be a relationship you’re tolerating that isn’t working. Maybe it’s work demands, or your inner-critic, or your own neglect for exercise. Whatever you’re tolerating, I’ve created curriculum to help you get to the bottom of it, support with action and helping you choose what works for you (no overly-high expectations!), and accountability. Because it’s so much better to do it with loving people who are in your corner cheering for you and being a soft place to land.

I hope you join us. Click here to do so.

http://yourkickasslife.com/210

 

Feb 19, 2018
Episode 209: When I was told to “stop pussyfooting around”
11:28

On Monday, episode 205 I talked about making peace with unfinished business. The old parts of ourselves that may still need something like healing, processing, something to help us move on.

On Tuesday, it was about when I went to visit my boyfriend in rehab and his fake cancer, and him cheating on me with Debbie and mostly that episode was about finding your motivation. Your catalyst for change. That post and episode was quite a doozy!

Wednesday was all about the stories we make up about other people that we think “have their shit together”. People we put on a pedestal, people we think are better than we are.

Thursday, episode 208 was about trying to figure out what it meant by “my life had become unmanageable”. (Spoiler alert if you haven’t listened: it’s about boundaries, emotions and communication.)

Just like last week, I have a worksheet for that pertains to all the posts from this week, but first a bonus lesson! And it comes in the form of a story...

Last November I sat on a video conference call with my Mastermind ladies. It’s a peer group of other coaches that support one another. Every month we meet and bring a topic we’d love support on. That cold November day I started with, “Okay, I’m about to introduce a new course to my audience, I really feel like it’s been in the making for ten years and is the baby of Your Kick-Ass Life-- the course that I was meant to teach. And I’m so scared.”

Truth be told: I was afraid of teaching something that veered away from some of the deeper things I’ve been teaching over the last three years. Afraid to go back to basics. I was expressing my fear that my audience wouldn’t care enough about the topics. And when something means a lot to me, the acceptance of it matters.

In other words, I felt like it was a huge risk.

The thing about this program is that I had a download about it. It felt like the idea was dropped in my lap and there have only been a handful of things I’ve been this excited about since the birth of YKAL in 2010.

But, I kept thinking...
What if people read the info page and say…meh.
What if people say no?
What if it tanks?
What if my download was wrong?

Now, I’ve gotten past a lot of fear in my life. I’ve looked at fear, laughed at fear, studied fear...I feel like I have a pretty good idea of what it looks like in my life and can deal with it. But, what I know for sure, is the more passionate we are about things, the more we believe in them, the more we LOVE something, the more vulnerable we feel.

So, as I ranted about this new course to my colleagues, Samantha asked me, “What does your audience love the most about you, Andrea?” And I said without hesitation, “They love that I tell the truth.” To which she replied, “Then stop pussyfooting around and tell them the truth.”

This is why support is so important. In chapter two of How To Stop Feeling LIke Shit, I talk about the importance of your compassionate witnesses, the people who will hear your struggle and respond with compassion. And then there are the friends who see your brilliance and your fear and turn your head towards the brilliance. The friends who will not tolerate you succumbing to your fear. Who are those people to you? Do you have them, but need to tell them how you would love to be supported? Do you not have them and need to take action on nurturing those relationships? Who are the people who know you best and will hold you to your dreams?

As far as the program I mentioned, that program is Raise Hell. A 4-month online program that is part course, part support group, part accountability group, and all around adventure that will take you from autopilot in your life, to taking action on the life you want. This is its pilot round, so there is an introductory price. It opens TODAY, February 16th. Now, if you are in my How To Stop Feeling Like Shit book club, you’ve already heard about this and many of you have already joined. WELCOME!

And if you’re ready to jump into the worksheet, you can do so below...

Click here to download the free worksheet of journaling prompts all about this week’s episodes.

And hey, you don’t have to do all the prompts. Any training or free course or even paid course I offer, for some can feel overwhelming. You have enough to feel overwhelmed about, your personal development doesn’t need to be added to that list. But, I also want you to watch out if that’s your fear talking, or you wanting to stay within your comfort zone. Doing the work will have elements of feeling uncomfortable and overwhelming. It’s not an easy-breezy journey. So, I invite you to push yourself out of your comfort zone and at the same time take care of yourself.

http://yourkickasslife.com/209

 

Feb 16, 2018
Episode 208: My life had become unmanageable
11:14

I know many of you who listen to this podcast are sober in recovery, some of you are thinking about it, and many of you are normal drinkers or even non drinkers who don’t have a problem with alcohol. What I’m about to talk about is based on a saying from the “rooms of recovery”, but does not mean it only applies to us alcoholics. I believe it can apply to everyone.

I want to talk about the term “my life had become unmanageable” and it comes from the first of twelve steps of Alcoholics Anonymous:

  1. We admitted we were powerless over alcohol—that our lives had become unmanageable.

And to be honest, I always had a problem with the whole “life had become unmanageable” part because mine hadn’t. I had a great job I loved, a good marriage, two great kids, friends, and life was pretty good. Someone explained to me that it was my spirituality that had become unmanageable and that didn’t seem right either. I mean, sure, I had moved away from spirituality when I was drinking, but still. It was also explained to me that it was that my “insides” had become unmanageable, not my “outsides”. And since I had had the emotional shit kicked out of me in 2006, I for sure knew what it felt like to have my “insides” unmanageable. I felt like I had healed a good deal from that time in my life and didn’t feel as “unmanageable” when I got sober five years later as I had back then.

In terms of being in recovery, not being able to “fit”  into that, made me feel like my bottom wasn’t low enough and maybe I DID need to wait until my life was unmanageable to get sober-- my insides AND my outsides. (And that’s not a good place to be in terms of our thinking when we are newly sober!) I continued to ask people about this, people tried to explain it to me in their own way, and it never seemed to feel like it applied to my life. Until…

I had a few years of sobriety and I realized how shit my boundaries were. And in the first couple years I realized how emotionally illiterate I was and that I had a lot to learn in terms of communication.

“Ohhh, so it’s my relationships, emotions and boundaries that had become unmanageable.” I realized. I finally understood what it meant in my life.

And again, you don’t have to be alcoholic, or a love addict, or an anything addict to have all that feel unmanageable. Feelings and emotions are crazy-tough sometimes and numbing out becomes easier. Boundaries seem impossible so people-pleasing and blaming become your go-to. Communication? No one taught us, so we don’t fight fair, we don’t own our stuff, and tend to be passive aggressive.

Honestly, that’s why I wrote my last book. Everything I just mentioned was woven in, but what I want to make clear in this post is that some of the hardest and best work we will do in our lives, yes of course is the work we do on ourselves, but is also the work we’ll do with the people we love the most. The people we’re in relationships with. We have emotional attachments with them and have emotional transactions with them. If we don’t know how to communicate in a way that makes us proud, our lives can feel unmanageable. If we don’t know how to set boundaries and have hard conversations, again, our lives can feel unmanageable.

Tomorrow, all these lessons I’ve been talking about all week come together and I’ve put a worksheet with journaling prompts together for you.

Lastly, tomorrow, registration is open for Raise Hell. A 4-month online program that is part course, part support group, part accountability group, and all around adventure that will take you from autopilot in your life, to taking action on the life you want. This is its pilot round, so there is an introductory price.

I believe when a woman sits down to decide what she wants and what’s she’s willing to do, and then stands up to declare it, commits to it and asks for help, when women come together in solidarity to change their lives for the better and not put up with other people and the world's shit, that is an act of raising hell. Stay tuned for tomorrow!

http://yourkickasslife.com/208

 

Feb 15, 2018
Episode 207: Which one of these have you shared?
12:59

If you follow me online (listen to this podcast), you probably also read a good amount of self-help books. Maybe books like:

Wild, by Cheryl Strayed

Love Warrior, by Glennon Doyle

Daring Greatly, by Brené Brown

Big Magic, by Elizabeth Gilbert

You Are a Badass, by Jen Sincero

And I’m assuming over the last couple of years you’ve read and recommended one or more of these books to a friend.

All of these books I have read and recommend wholeheartedly. All these female authors I hold in high regard. And all of these women I know have pain and struggle just like you and me. But, maybe you think they don’t have as much as you. Maybe you hold them in high regard AND make up a story that they have their shit together much more than you do. Hell, maybe you think that most women have their shit together more than you do.

Well, I’m here to tell you:

  1. “Having your shit together” is subjective. No one even knows what that means. Society and you have made up a story about that. So, check your expectations. And more importantly...
  2. Life is a path that we’re all traveling on. It’s long and winding, with ruts and obstacles along the way. As we move along it, we gain more insight and wisdom, and in my humble opinion, the more ruts and obstacles we run into, the more we get the emotional shit kicked out of us, the more insight and wisdom we gather.

We’re all on this same path. The people who don’t give a shit about personal development and think you’re weird for it, typically don’t make it past the first couple of steps. That’s okay, that’s their thing in this lifetime. It’s not your job to force them farther along on the path.

All those authors and personal development leaders are on your same path, they might just be farther along on it than you are. Some people move up quickly like in Monopoly when you get the card that tells you to jump ahead to one of the railroads and collect $200. And sometimes we take a few steps back.

You don’t need to catch up, it’s not a race. You just need to do the work.

On Friday, Feb 15th I invite you to join me for Raise Hell, which is a program that encompasses foundational tools to “get your shit together” (whatever that means), action, and accountability. It’s about declaring the woman you want to be and HOW to get there. It’s not easy to do this all alone. I’ll be there to guide you, plus an extraordinary group of women who are all on the same path rooting for you. We open doors on Friday.  

http://yourkickasslife.com/207

 

Feb 14, 2018
Episode 206: The week I went to that famous rehab place
16:30

If you read my book you know that in the the opening paragraphs I talk about how I had an all-time low in 2007 when I found out I’d been conned by my boyfriend. He had lied about having cancer to cover up his opioid addiction and I was pregnant with his child. This, coming off the heels of my first husband having an affair with our neighbor and getting her pregnant was not great news for me.

But, it got even worse.

December, 2006: I confronted my then-boyfriend about his drug addiction. He admitted it and said he would quit. He did for a few weeks, which coincidentally is when I became pregnant.

January, 2007: He was using again. We had just found out I was pregnant, and in sheer desperation, I called his family and told them everything. They asked me to get him home and they would have an intervention. The intervention took place and he agreed to go. I really hoped he would get clean and sober, then we could have our baby and live happily ever after.

You know where this is going, right?

He went to The Meadows in Arizona-- famous for housing celebrities like Selena Gomez, Whitney Houston, and Kate Moss and more recently, Harvey Weinstein and Kevin Spacey. After my boyfriend had been there a few weeks, I was invited for family week.

I participated in group therapy with strangers and their families. It was uncomfortable but to be honest, I was finally getting real with myself and looking at my own issues. I shared my shame stories, cried in front of everyone and was generally the most vulnerable I had ever been in front of a group of people. As I left, my boyfriend was acting weird. When I got home, I hacked into his email and found email after email from a woman named Debbie. Apparently, they were in love.

Debbie was another patient at The Meadows. Debbie was in our group while I was there crying my eyes out. Debbie had sent one email to my boyfriend-- she had sent many, but this one was the kicker-- the one that lowered me to a heap on the floor…it said, “Is it bad that I think it’s funny that your girlfriend is in our group? I mean, what were the chances that we would all be grouped together!?”

This woman was essentially laughing about the fact that we were together in a small group while we all talked about our deepest, darkest secrets.

Needless to say the phone calls that followed were not pretty. That was my final straw with him. Not the opioid addiction, not the lying about cancer, not the conning me, but Debbie.

Part of my motivation to change was her. I was was so determined to be better than her, to actually DO the work, knowing she had spent thousands of dollars on a fancy rehab and was not in fact doing the work. That, coupled with the fact that I was pregnant I knew I needed to get better. I needed to change.

WHAT IS YOUR MOTIVATION?

Did you or do you have a Debbie in your life? Many people say, “don’t ever do it for anyone else but yourself” and while I agree that’s true, I think there’s something to be said about looking at what motivates you. Do you want to be a better mother for your kids? Do you want to show your mother you will parent better than she did? Do you want to prove to your ex that you’re NOT in fact crazy and that you are the best version of yourself?

Hey, again, it’s not about doing the work for someone else. It’s about grabbing on to whatever motivates you. Maybe you can use that as your catalyst. Eventually, that will fall away, you’ll see the changes you’re making and you’ll keep going.

I honestly could give a shit about Debbie now. My recovery is for me AND my kids. I live my best life and work on myself first and foremost for me now. But, I’d be lying if I didn’t said in the beginning there a small part of me that wanted to prove others wrong.

Tomorrow I’m going to be talking about “having your shit together” and your purpose as your path. Stay tuned!

http://yourkickasslife.com/206

 

Feb 13, 2018
Episode 205: Making peace with unfinished business
15:04

I called San Diego home for 36 years. 36 years of memories-- joyful, painful, and everything in between.

And in the six years I’ve been gone, every time I go home, I’m hit with agony. And for a long time I didn’t know why. Nostalgia is a tricky thing. This one was such a mix of feelings and emotions, I didn’t know what they meant, if anything. Did I want to move back home? Was I angry that we left? I couldn’t make heads or tails of it all, but I knew something was happening.

During the summer of 2014, we went home for a vacation and rented a house on the beach. This area, Mission Beach, held many, many memories for me. I went for a run one day and as I turned my head to look down the boardwalk at other runners, skateboarders, and early morning beachgoers, I thought to myself:

Everything has changed, but it’s all the same.

I had changed. I had evolved and grown dramatically. But, it all looks the same. And for some reason, when I step foot into this city, there’s a part of my heart that remembers. Remembers it all. And maybe...maybe that’s what I was trying to get away from when we left.

When we left San Diego I was at the end of my drinking career. I had just admitted to myself, my husband, and a dear, trusted friend that I had a problem. I quit about three weeks after we left. So, when I go back home, I feel like there’s a part of me that still exists. An old ghost of myself that’s still confused, suffering, and lost. Looking for answers. Looking for a solution. Looking for peace.

How do we make peace with our former selves? The parts of us that are still tormented, still brokenhearted?

I think it starts by not running away from the pain, struggle and problems anymore. Looking at it all square in the face. Getting curious about it instead of shoving it down to the sub-basement of our soul. Being okay with the fact that peace might need to be made. Sort of easing into it like settling into your favorite chair. Letting go of thoughts like, “This is stupid, I should be so much better than this by now. It’s been years.”

Because time doesn’t heal all wounds. Moving doesn’t heal them either. And I’m sure as shit that pushing it all away doesn’t heal us, it just puts it away for it to catapult back up when we least expect it.

When we can dance with all of that, then the question becomes: Who do we want to be? What do we want our story to be? When we’re so used to the story of pain and struggle, when we make peace with all of that and sometimes walk away from it, what’s next?

I know for me it’s been simply having more compassion with myself. Accepting that life is my teacher and I’m the forever student. That my path is my purpose. I want to be a woman who tells the truth not only to others but to herself.

Because yes, everything changes and it’s all the same.

http://yourkickasslife.com/205

 

Feb 12, 2018
Episode 204: Where it all comes together for you
07:11

In episode 200 I talked about noticing I had an upper limit problem. The following day, episode 201 I talked about even when you have success, there are still pitfalls of feeling not good enough. Episode 202 I talked about facing something big and important that challenged one of my old, negative core beliefs and put that all to the test. The pushed me out of my comfort zone. And then in episode 203 I talked about doing something big that not only pushed me out of my comfort zone, but carried a lot of emotional weight.

So, I’ve created a handy-dandy worksheet for YOU that you can download and do yourself so you can DO THE WORK. I always talk to you about the importance of not just consuming the book, or the podcast, or the article, but to do the actual work. Now is your chance! This is where the real work happens!

Click here to download your worksheet

Feb 09, 2018
Episode 203: A tale of two feelings...or something like that
10:43

Throughout the entire book launch (which technically is still going on and started back in the middle of last year) I have vacillated between being so overwhelmed with all the things to do, all the feelings of “not good enough”, all the pressure of having this be successful, the pressure of the spotlight, and the massive gratitude of doing this work. Maybe this is what they really mean by “having it all”. ALL the feelings. The fear, the anxiety, doing it anyway and also having love and gratitude and joy.

As many of you know and many of you can relate to, I struggle with black or white thinking. It’s either all or nothing. And that’s how it’s been with feelings too. Given that I am someone who really only started to consider herself “emotionally literate” and then have any “emotional intelligence” in 2011 when I got sober, the last six years have been a learning experience when it comes to feelings. One of those things is being able to hold more than one feeling at a time, sometimes many feelings.

For instance: San Diego. That city has always held a lot of weight for me. It’s where I left my broken heart and more specifically, I knew walking into this book tour it would be hard because my dad wouldn’t be there like he would the last time. A little background, I was born and raised in San Diego, spent the first 36 years of my life there and it’s where my dad died about 16 months ago. I hadn’t been back since his death.

I knew I would need a lot of moral support, so I invited my two sisters and brother who live in the area. I invited all my friends AND THEN, if you’ve read my book, you might remember a story I told about a friend of mine who had broken up with me when I was going through my life-falling-apart year, then we were friends again, then she kind of ghosted me? Well, she randomly messaged me last October and I invited her to meet up with me on that trip. I knew I was walking into a hard conversation with her. More on that story at the end of this month! So, needless to say, this trip was going to be an emotional one.

To be honest, I really wasn’t worried about the book event. When I had it for my first book, a lot of people showed up, and the manager even told me I sold more books than most author events that they do. So, I thought this one was in the bag.

However.

One of my siblings which shall go unnamed, never texted me back when I group texted them about the event. I texted this sibling privately a couple days before, and nothing. I asked one of my other siblings about it, and they said “Oh, that sibling is really busy with their thing, don’t take it personally.” And I’m like, DON’T TAKE IT PERSONALLY? OUR DAD DIED AND I NEED YOU ALL AND I MIGHT DIE IF THIS PERSON DOESN’T SHOW UP.

So, anyway.

As I started my talk, I’m looking around and noticing there were key players there that were missing. Like, the other two siblings that I just had dinner with across the parking lot. They were late. They were missing it.

I also looked around and saw amazing people I used to work with that I hadn’t seen in 15 years. I saw the people who used to babysit me when I was in elementary school. I saw about six girls I went to highschool with. I saw a woman I knew online and hadn’t met in person yet.

It was painful and it was wonderful. What I learned that night is that I can hold all those emotions. I don’t have to say, “Oh, I can’t be disappointed and hurt that so-and-so didn’t show up because look at all I have to be grateful for!” I can’t bypass my feelings.

And neither can you.

Stick around for Friday’s episode where this all comes together and there’s an assignment for you. Also, if you are in my book club, there is a special, exclusive offer arriving in your inbox TODAY, Feb 8th.

http://yourkickasslife.com/203

 

Feb 08, 2018
Episode 202: This is one of my core beliefs
08:36

In December 2013 my first book, 52 Ways to Live a Kick-Ass Life came out. That same month I headed to San Diego, my home town of 36 years (we had moved 2 years prior) to do a book signing. It was the only book event I did (unless you count the coffee shop book event in the city I was living with at the time where I only invited 4 people. No exaggeration, 4 people).

I know a lot of people in San Diego. Most of my family is there. I knew people would show up and also, I knew the people that would show up. It was safe. Certain. No real risk.

Fast forward to 2017 when my second book, How To Stop Feeling Like Shit was about to come out and I was faced with a choice: do I only do a book event in San Diego, or do I push myself with a book tour? Do I risk it? Do I face the uncertainty of this next level?

One of my old core beliefs-- one that was born from men mistreating me-- is that I don’t really matter all that much. I’ve intentionally worked on this over the years and come a long, long way. And what I’ve noticed is that when I’m faced with an opportunity to prove that core belief wrong, it makes me extremely uncomfortable. It’s as if my brain has become more comfortable being in situations where it’s proved that I really don’t matter.

So, if figured, if I go on a book tour and people actually DO show up, it proves that I DO matter. I’d have to face it and believe it. And the reality of it was that some people would show up to these events. No, I don’t sell out packed arenas, but there are some amazing women who I knew would come. So, I accepted the challenge.

Another thing that came up during this upper limit/challenging my old core beliefs extravaganza was the concept of letting people love me. Now, if you know my story you know I got the emotional shit kicked out of me in 2006 and 2007 and I walked away with some major trust issues. I had concluded people were not to be trusted and it was safer to keep them at a very long arms distance.

At the end of 2017 I wondered, What if I let people love me? I have a few people in my life that I’ve let in, a few people I trust with my stories and struggle (it’s a very short list), but what if I stretched beyond that? What if I really opened my arms and my heart and let people love me? What if I accepted all the praise and compliments and love and leaned in...hard? In my history when I’ve done this, it gets snatched away, so my brain says, NO DON’T DO IT! But, here I am, 10 years out of my trauma and what if I let go?

So, that’s what I’ve been doing. The book tour-- 6 events in 6 cities. An additional city with a dinner with colleagues. 7 total cities of letting people love me. Leaning into all the comments of people telling me how much they love the book. I knew it would be hard. I knew it would be exhausting. And I knew it had to be done. I had no idea how it would turn out. This is upleveling. This is doing the work. This is walking my talk and loving myself and carrying courage and confidence.

Stick around for Friday’s episode where this all comes together and there’s an assignment for you. Also, if you are in my book club, there is a special, exclusive offer arriving in your inbox on Thursday, Feb 8th.

http://yourkickasslife.com/202

 

Feb 07, 2018
Episode 201: The meeting that made me feel like a failure
09:58

In late October I sat on a conference call with the marketing team from my publisher and my literary agent. It was to be a discussion on how we (I) were going to sell the book.

Many things were discussed in that hour + long meeting, but only one thing stood out to me. The person in charge said to me, “Pre-orders not where we would like them to be.” My first thought and what came out of my mouth was, “Well, of course not. I’ve barely mentioned to my community that it’s available because it’s so far out. Our plans for the big push were mid-November through January.”

My next immediate thought was: “They’re disappointed in me. I’m failing at this. I’m not big enough, popular enough, or good enough. They bet on me as an author and I’m losing.”

I felt the wash of shame.

The marketing team was simply doing their job. Selling books matters to them and their bottom line. I want to make it clear that I was the one making up stories about what they thought of me and who I was.

I got off the phone and cried. I called my friends and told them dramatically that my publisher was disappointed in me (keep in mind-- they NEVER used that word, I did) and wondered if it was too late to quit.

Then, I went on my book tour. First stop was New Your City. There was an odd cold snap that came up the entire east coast, and people started cancelling for my book event and a dinner I had put together. I got an email from my publicist that the bookstore in Chicago for the following week was worried about their January events because of the cold. I immediately thought, “I’m not worth the cold”. I was in the Lyft thinking we should just cancel both events in NYC and Chicago. I was actually thinking about cancelling it all. Here’s what was happening: I was looking for any excuse not to show up. Looking for any small inkling of evidence that it was too hard, that people didn’t like me, that I wasn’t good enough, and that I should just quit.

Yesterday I talked about the Upper Limit Problem and this is a classic example. Things were rising for me. The ante had been upped. It was risky and vulnerable and scary and my inner-critic was totally and completely freaking out. I didn’t want to fail, I didn’t want to disappoint people and not measure up. It was all so incredibly uncomfortable.

No matter how successful we get-- whether it’s in our jobs or our relationships, or are even in top physical health, I think we’ll always have moments of feeling not enough. I am no exception.

Stick around for Friday’s episode where this all comes together, I’ll tell you what ended up happening at those NYC and Chicago events and what to do when you find yourself wanting to just quit aka SABOTAGE your life when you’re upleveling and things get uncomfortable. There’s even an assignment for you!

http://yourkickasslife.com/201

 

Feb 06, 2018
Episode 200: My deepest, darkest fears.
11:14

Today starts a new thing over here-- daily emails and podcast episodes (weekdays only) I’m calling them the DAILY DIARIES!  I’ve kept them short, sweet, to the point, with lots of content to hopefully help you! Enjoy...

It all started with a damn upper limit problem.

Let me backup. If it’s one thing we all want-- it’s to be seen and heard. We want those loving connections with the people who matter to us. To know our struggles, our stories, and our celebrations matter. To know that we matter.

And for some of us, our path includes being seen and heard by lots and lots of people.

In 2013 my first book came out and I was catapulted into the spotlight. I’m not talking Beyoncé type spotlight, but a spotlight nonetheless in my industry. No one can really prepare you for this and it was one of the most exciting and terrifying things that had ever happened to me. More people watching, judging, criticizing and loving me (which can also be scary). Over the last few years I’ve been unpacking this and getting curious about why this scares me, what it stops me from doing, and how to move past it.

Fast forward to 2017. I knew my second book was coming out and I was more prepared for the epic explosion that was about to take place (that’s dramatic, but that’s what it felt like). I also knew I wanted to talk more about this to my YKAL community (you!) because I know most of us deal with this on some level.

The fear of shining too bright.

The fear of shining at all.

The fear of not shining at all.

The fear of getting it wrong.

The fear of what people expect of us.

The fear that we can’t measure up to what we expect of ourselves.

The fear of failure.

The fear of success.

The fear of moving too far forward in our lives and leaving people behind.

The fear of what people will think.

Basically, the fear of raising hell in our lives, causing any attention to ourselves that might cause us to not have it all under control.

So, going back to the “upper limit problem” that I mentioned before. You might be wondering, what is an upper limit problem?

The “ULP” term comes from the book The Big Leap by Gay Hendricks and in a nutshell, the theory is this: We all have a certain set point of success, happiness, health, and love. How much of it we can take. A “comfort zone” of all those things. When we get more, say a promotion, a new amazing relationship, a fantastic opportunity, finally lose that extra 15 pounds we’ve been carrying around, we get extremely uncomfortable for having it and therefore sabotage it. I wrote a whole chapter on self-sabotage in my last book so you probably are familiar with it.

When I write books I can’t control whether people like my writing or not. I can’t control whether they like me or not. I can’t control that I’ll always get it right. I also can’t control if the books will sell or not, which not only affects my emotional state, but my livelihood and my future.

So, it might be easier and safer to stay under the radar, not do too much to cause too much attention. Hide. Be quiet. Do things like not write books.

As 2018 approached and How To Stop Feeling Like Shit was about to be born, I knew this was a topic I couldn’t avoid with all of you. So, I set out to untangle it, rectify it as best I could, and help all of you in the process.

Over the course of the next few weeks, I’ll be walking you through that journey, as well as talking about other topics that happened to pop up along the way. Tomorrow’s episode I’ll be telling a story of a meeting I was a part of in October, which made me feel like a failure, not enough, and incompetent. I’ll tell you how I got through it, the tools I used, and what ended up happening.

Stick around for Friday’s episode where this all comes together and there’s an assignment for you.  

http://yourkickasslife.com/200

 

Feb 05, 2018
Episode 199: Taking Small Steps To Become Unstuck with Erin Stutland
38:43

For the month of February, I will be producing daily podcast episodes. You read that correctly ass-kickers - daily episodes are coming! The episodes will be shorter than the typical podcast format you are used to hearing.  Emails with short lessons will accompany them. If you want to be notified each time a daily episode is released in the month of February, sign up here. Okay, now let’s jump into this week’s episode!

I am so excited because my friend, Erin Stutland, joins me on the podcast this week.  Erin and I have known each other online “for-eva”!  She is a mind, body, wellness and fitness expert and the host and coach of the new weight-loss transformation television show Altar’d on Z Living.  We talked about getting unstuck, over-analyzing, how to stop being comfortable with feeling crappy, self-care practices and more.

In this episode you’ll hear:

  • Erin provide tips to help get unstuck, shift your perspective and become motivated (4 minutes and 10 seconds)
  • The “morning pages” concept, what it is and how to use it (6:13)
  • Biggest obstacles that prevent you from making your exercise routine a reality, plus advice for how to move past these challenges (11:18)
  • How to be more loving and kind to yourself (and what Peanut M&Ms has to do with it) (13:47)
  • The starting and stopping pattern with exercise routines (15:56)
  • Erin’s Soul Stroll Program, how to make the most of your daily walks by rewiring your thoughts (22:34)
  • Recommendations and tools to help quiet your inner critic and how acknowledging all parts of oneself will help with the process (27:49)

http://www.yourkickasslife.com/199

 

Jan 31, 2018
Episode 198: Recovery Series Season Finale With Andrea Owen
18:06

This week, I am rounding out the recovery series with one final episode. I have been so blessed to have nine amazing conversations with women in recovery. You can catch up on all of the episodes here.

In this episode, I read two blog posts I wrote on the 2nd and 3rd anniversaries of my sobriety. Plus, I include some new insights along the way.

From my 2 year sober anniversary on September 27th, 2013.

I want to start this post by telling a story that is really hard for me to tell– and I tell it in hopes that it helps someone else.

In May of 2011 I made my first attempt at sobriety. I made until September 26th of that year. I was active in my recovery, but in hindsight, a few things happened that were slowly chipping away at me. I kept hearing the voice that “I wasn’t that bad”…that I wasn’t like “those people”. Those alcoholics that told their stories, that had been arrested, had DUI’s, etc. The voice whispered that since that wasn’t me, surely I could moderate and drink like a normal person.

On September 26th, 2011 I got into an argument with my husband. We don’t argue often, so when we do, I can tend to slip quickly into this-is-it-it’s-over-he’s-going-to-leave-me land. It’s one of those really vulnerable places for me where I feel I’ve lost control over a situation– a situation that is very important to me.

In that late afternoon, he left the house to go for a drive. I sat at home alone and desperately wanted to drink. I called a friend in recovery. She talked me through it. I sat again alone in my glass case of emotions. I didn’t want to drink because I didn’t want to break my sobriety and have to start over. Plus the shame of relapse was too much to bear. But, I remembered hearing that if you drank enough NyQuil, you could get a buzz. And since it’s not technically “drinking”, it’s like a loophole, right?

10 seconds later I was in the bathroom chugging a bottle of cherry NyQuil.

A few minutes later the buzz hadn’t reached me yet. I then remembered hearing that Vanilla Extract could do the same thing. I went to the pantry and took a drink of putrid tasting Vanilla Extract. I looked closely at the bottle to see that not only had murky sediment gathered all along the bottom, but it had expired in 2005.

And to think I was trying to convince myself that I wasn’t an alcoholic.

As I type this, I’m embarrassed to admit this. But, now I understand just how cunning, baffling, and powerful alcohol is to an alcoholic. I didn’t think clearly and rationally at that time. I remember thinking, “Okay, I’m an educated person. I’ve done YEARS of my own personal development. I’m in the helping profession for pete’s sake”. And the reality is that none of that matters at all if you are truly an alcoholic. You don’t get extra credit for that. I don’t care how smart you are. We can’t think our way out of it.

I truly believe I needed that short relapse to prove to myself that I truly am an alcoholic. If the whisper ever comes back that I’m not that bad and maybe not a “real” alcoholic, I think back to my Vanilla haze (as my friend Courtney so lovingly puts it) and I’m back to reality.

And if I’m being really honest, I don’t want to drink like a normal person. I don’t want just one glass of wine. I want at least three. In a big ass glass. And if there’s white and red, I just can’t decide, so I’ll have a few of each.

This is insanity.

I tell my story not for the pats on the back or congratulations, but to show others that even people like me are alcoholics and that there is hope in recovery. I tried to quit by myself back in 2011. I strung together 6 miserable days. It wasn’t until I reached out for help and started a recovery program was I able to not just stop drinking, but stop obsessing on alcohol and being able to feel my feelings without resorting to drinking.  <— That is a fucking miracle.

So, if you’re that person who thinks you aren’t that bad like I did…you may very well be right. You’re not that bad right now. But alcoholism is progressive and I can assure you, if you keep drinking, you’ll be that bad. I don’t know how long it will take. But, for me, I didn’t want to wait and find out. I left the movie early because I was SURE the way it was going to end. And if I left and chose another way, I could change the ending.

And one year after that, on my 3 year sober anniversary September 27th, 2014

On Saturday, September 27th, 2014, I celebrated 3 years of sobriety.

I considered not writing about it this year, thinking to myself, “Well, nobody needs to hear about it anymore. They know you’re an alcoholic in recovery.” I wrote about it on my 2 year anniversary and thought maybe that was good enough. And then on Friday I got an email from a friend that needed to talk to me about her drinking. And a few weeks before that another friend asked me if she could give my contact info to her friend who needed support. Both of these women are moms, both of them needed help. And neither of them would have known I could help them if I had never come out with my story in the first place.

So, I speak again.

A couple of weeks ago I was at meeting at my son’s school. We’re brand new to this school having just moved to this state in late August. He’s in first grade and has high functioning Autism. I sat in a conference room with his teacher, the special needs coordinator, and school principal. It was nothing new, I’ve had these meetings before. But, this being a new school we had to go do the typical paper trail, have witnesses, and sign papers.

The special needs coordinator led the meeting and was reading parts of his file aloud, and as she read his report given to us the year prior from the psychologist she got to the part about his diagnosis and family history. “Colton’s mother was diagnosed with Anxiety and Panic Disorder in 2002 and has a history of substance abuse”. She continued with other facts that had nothing to do with me and the meeting continued as normal.

But in that moment I felt like I’d been punched in the gut. “Has a history of substance abuse.” Instant shame washed over me. chalk that up to a please-let-the-floor-open-up-and-swallow-me moment. I immediately wanted to interrupt her and explain myself to these people– these three women I barely knew. The principal with a PhD, my sons teacher, and the pregnant special needs coordinator that just 20 minutes before laughed with me as we exchanged funny pregnancy stories. I wanted to tell them, “Well, ‘substance abuse’ doesn’t really describe ME…I mean I wasn’t a drug addict or anything, just wine. And beer too. Oh, and I’ve been sober for yeeeears now, and I was never like ARRESTED or anything like that. Yep, just too much wine. So, see? I’m good. Not bad at all.”

Which at that time would have been a bit weird and uncomfortable.

And I’d love to tell you that since I do what I do for a living, and because of all the work I’ve done on myself and continue to do, and because I speak publicly about my journey that now I’m immune to the shame. But, I’m not. I don’t know if I’ll ever be. If she’d said, “Colton’s mother has a history of high blood pressure” I would have felt no shame. But, to be outed as an alcoholic in front of people you don’t know, where you worry you’ll be judged, or whispered about, it’s hard stuff. I don’t want to be judged. I don’t want to be known in my community as “the lady with a history of substance abuse”. I know it’s not really who I am, I know this in my heart. But, still after 3 year of being public with my story, I still feel fear and shame.

You might be wondering if it’s gotten easier. Yes, it has. I think in that conference room the shame was so visceral because it took me by surprise and I already felt vulnerable not knowing anyone in this new city. Plus, we were talking about my son, so it was the perfect storm. As the last few years have passed it’s gotten easier to talk about, but it certainly depends on the situation. And I think that meeting reminded me how painful it can be for people new to sobriety or thinking about getting sober.

And that’s really what I wanted to talk about today. That intense shame can keep people drinking for years, decades even. Can pull them back into drinking after years of sobriety. Of course other factors come into play, but shame can cripple us. Years ago had I felt shame like that I would have just drank it away. Went and hid in a bottle of wine where the shame would have been suffocated for a few hours that evening, only to wake up again the next morning so the cycle could continue. Same shame and fear and thoughts revolving around drinking. It was the same feelings every day.

And when you’re an alcoholic thinking about getting sober, you have to weigh those two painful things out: Quit drinking PLUS deal with asking for help, going to “those meetings” where “those people” are and actually talk about it all (scary), or continue to drink when you’re pretty sure that it’ll get worse and continue the cycle you already hate (also scary).

For me, I had to reach a point where the latter was scarier. Lucky for me, I only stayed active in my alcoholism for a short time and I was blessed to have people in my life I trusted to reach out to for help. I knew where I would end up if I kept drinking and that scared me more than anything. I knew alcoholics only go one direction: worse. I knew I had to quit.

Does the shame hit me every day? Certainly not. But, I know I can do hard things. You can too. I survived. And I’ll be okay. And I hope if you’re reading this and you think you need help, you ask for it. Shame will keep you sick. It won’t go away, but you can walk through its shadow and ask for help.

http://www.yourkickasslife.com/198

 

Jan 30, 2018
Episode 197: What Does Raising Hell Actually Look Like?
20:00

You may have followed my work for a bit now and know that I talk about courage and confidence. And maybe you think “Well, I get it, and this whole ‘courage and confidence’ thing sounds good in theory, but how will my life be different if I learn to be courageous and confident and will it even work for me!?”

Let me tell you what I was like in my 20’s. I was actually a really happy girl. I had great friends, a family that loved me, worked at good jobs, and was in a long-term relationship. Outside, everything seemed great and on a surface level I was happy.

But, underneath I was struggling. I was unfulfilled with my life. In my relationship there was no trust and no real connection, and my friendships were good, but nothing deep and intimate. I struggled fiercely with perfectionism, comparison, and control. I NEEDED to control. I thought if everyone would just act like I thought they should act, my life would be so much better.

When shit hit the fan for me in 2006, I isolated to the point of not checking my email for weeks. I screened all my calls, and barely even talked to my parents. I hardly saw my friends and once had lunch with one of my long-term friends and she said to me, “Well, with the divorce statistics, it was bound to happen to one of us.” That’s not to blame my friend...none of us knew what to say to each other. None of us knew how to truly connect. I was lonely when I was alone, and I was lonely when I was around people.

During that time of struggle I made decisions that 100 percent went against my values as a human being. I said yes to men when I really didn’t want to. Just because I thought I should or to try for one shred of connection. I would meet new people and either unload my whole story (what Brené Brown calls trying to “hotwire a connection”) or completely shut people out. What I came to realize was that once I hit adulthood, my soul became unconscious.

Fast forward to now.

Anyone that knows me well will tell you I’ve always been an assertive person. I’m an Aries, ENFJ, Type 8 on the Enneagram. But, all this personality stuff does not automatically mean that I was born with courage. I had to learn it, and still do every day. What it looks like in my life is this:

  • Reaching out to the right people when I need help
  • Making peace with the fact that most things are messy and imperfect
  • Standing up for what I believe in— such as giving an opinion
  • Setting healthy boundaries and saying no even though it’s not easy
  • Letting go of control and trusting myself and my faith enough to know that I can handle anything

These are just a few things of what practicing courage looks like. All of the things above still sometimes make me really uncomfortable and/or are scary. I’ve accepted that and it’s necessary.

And that’s what I want for you. You can choose to be like I was— happy on the surface with an unconscious soul— or you can choose to make the decision to wake up your soul, step into an uncomfortable life that is full of imperfections, messiness, and uncertainty. But, I promise you, my dears, that this same life will be full of truth, grace, and insurmountable beauty.

http://yourkickasslife.com/197

 

Jan 24, 2018
Episode 196: Interview with Amy Pearson
48:45

Welcome back to another episode of the recovery series!  If you are new to the series, I’ve been speaking with women about their addiction and who are in recovery. We cover topics such as alcohol addiction, codependency, and even food addiction. You can find all of the episodes here.

This week I welcome back my friend and colleague, Amy Pearson. You may have heard Amy and I talk about being addicted to approval and feeling like a fraud back in Episode 118.  This time we talk in-depth about her addiction to alcohol, her obsession with seeking approval and using blame as a crutch.

Amy is a master certified life coach, a coach mentor, and founder of LiveBrazen.com. She is currently writing her first book, a memoir called, “Forgiving Amy,” where she shares her experiences with self-forgiveness. Amy has been sober for four years. Today, she shares how grieving the loss of her mother and feeling shame around not being the person she thought she should be led to her downward spiral into ”self-medicating” with alcohol. And, then later, she shares a poignant story of what made her turn everything around and led her onto the path of recovery.

In this episode you’ll hear:

  • How two life-changing events underlined her path to addiction (9 minutes and 12 seconds)
  • Amy discusses how alcoholism is progressive and the fact that she was very self-aware of her addiction (13:03)
  • Amy shares the story of putting her children at risk because of her addiction and how it ultimately led her on the path to recovery. Plus, she shares a promise she made to herself. (16:43)
  • How recovery can lead you to uncover and accept parts of you that you didn’t know even existed; including the good, the bad and the dark.  (21:18)
  • Why Amy thinks alcohol and drinking is the lazier choice (24:27)
  • Telling the truth and finding a supportive community helped Amy get sober, and how it all was a very humbling process (26:05)
  • Saying no is hard, but it’s so important to put into practice when maintaining sobriety (28:39)
  • We discuss triggers (both big and small) and two tools Amy uses for overcoming them (32:28)

http://yourkickasslife.com/196

 

Jan 23, 2018
Episode 195: 6 Ways Roller Derby Can Teach You About Life
18:02

As promised in the podcast episode, a quick (1 min) video explaining how roller derby is played is here. Also, the Whip It trailer because I love it when Bliss says, I am IN LOVE with this.” (which btw, many of the hits in that movie are highly illegal to the game, but I think they captured the culture of derby really well.)

At the end of 2012 and early 2013, I played roller derby for the Junction City Roller Dolls in Ogden, Utah, skating under the derby name, Veronica Vain. A shoulder injury took me out and I retired from the game.

 

There I am, on the right with hair flying like Medusa.

Lately, I’ve been thinking about going back here in North Carolina (more on that later), and it got me thinking a lot about the game and it’s similarities with life. Derby taught me a lot about fear, and other things, and in no particular order, here’s 6 ways roller derby can teach you about life.

  1. There is no room for paralyzing fear. You’ll get eaten alive if you stay there. Derby can be scary. Whether you’re showing up for tryouts, gearing up for your first bout, or going up against a player you know is bigger and stronger than you are, for every player at least once somewhere there is an element of fear. Which is actually perfectly normal in any sport and in life.

I remember the first time I realized I was getting better as a player. During a practice scrimmage, I realized I was the smallest and least experienced player out there. For a second, I was scared. Then out of nowhere  I pushed that voice aside and tried my damndest to knock another player that had at least 6 inches and 50 pounds of an advantage on me. I can’t even remember if I succeeded or not (I probably didn’t), but that was the shift I needed. Just trying. Just feeling the fear and doing it in spite of it.

In life, there’s a lot of fear. We all have it, no one is immune. The difference between people that go after the badass life they have, is that they went up against their fear. They were scared when they went after that awesome job, or broke up with that person that they just weren’t happy with, or went back to school after 15 years of being out. You’re not unique in your fear. Just do it anyway.

  1. When you fall down, hurry and get the fuck up. In roller derby, when you fall or get knocked down in a jam, it’s part of the rules that you only have just a few seconds to get back up. No taking your sweet ass time. Plus, you can’t fall down and quit just because you fell down. Well, I suppose you could, but your team would be pretty pissed at you. And think about this-- falling happens a lot in derby. A lot. If everyone quit derby the first time they fell down, no one would be playing derby.

How many times do we fall down in our everyday lives? We screw up, make bad decisions, and just plain fail. Everyone eats shit from time to time and doesn’t necessarily feel great about it. Instead of beating ourselves up for the mistake or quitting altogether, what if we just took two seconds to get back up and keep trying? Life goes on, just like the jam does. The world doesn’t stop spinning just because you took a tumble. Don’t quit, just get up and keep going.

  1. Only stay down if you’re really hurt. If not, get the fuck up. Okay, sometimes, when we fall down on the track, it really, really hurts. We’ve all had that slam on the concrete once or twice where we automatically want to get back up and keep skating, but our body says, “Oh, heeeeell no.” and we stay on the ground. Our fellow skaters help us and we do what we need to get better-- whether that’s sitting out for a while or going to the nearest hospital for an X-ray.

And yes, in life there are those moments. We get heartbroken, disappointed, or are in a crisis that just plain sucks and is painful. We can’t push it aside and keep on going just yet. We need help from our friends and loved ones. We need time to heal. To cry, to grieve, to kick and scream, to whatever. Acting like we’re “okay” or “fine” does nothing but eventually make things worse.

  1. When up against an obstacle, find some way to get through it. In derby, you’ll face obstacles that you need to get around, usually opposing players. You do your best to get through or around them. You don’t just come up against a wall of blockers, throw your arms up and give up...you fight through it. If you gave up, you’d be giving up on your team.

When faced with a life obstacle, do the same. The obstacle might be fear, criticism from others, your own lack of self confidence, anything. But, for you to sit back and give up when faced with an obstacle is basically giving up on yourself. And you’re too awesome for that.

  1. Choose people to be around that will help you. When coming up against a wall of people you need to pass, in derby you look for what’s called the “friendly side”. When a jammer is coming up on two players-- one is her teammate and the other isn’t. Which one is she going to choose to pass next to? Right, her teammate. Her teammate isn’t going to knock her over or out of bounds. Her teammate is her ally, her helper.

In life, it’s the same. Don’t surround yourself with assholes. Don’t keep reaching out to people who continue to disappoint you. Choose people to spend your time with that support and encourage you, that believe in you and help you shine. If you choose people that constantly let you down, or disrespect you, honey- that’s on you.

  1. Playing is the best way to learn. Before I started playing derby, I was on the sidelines. I went to bouts and watched it endlessly on YouTube. I was excited! But, nothing, I mean nothing compares to actually getting in the game. The very first time I scimagged at practice I remember thinking, “Woah. This is nothing like I thought it would be...it’s BETTER!” You can study the game all you want from an outside perspective, and you can imagine what it’s like, but nothing is a better teacher than actually getting your ass on the track.

You can watch other people live their lives and wish yours was like theirs. You can make up what you think other people have that you don’t and feel badly about that. You can sit on the sidelines of your own life and want more for yourself. You can want a better job, a creative endeavour, a partner...whatever your dreams are. And maybe your hopes and dreams excite you and scare you at the same time. (Because let’s face it- if it doesn’t scare you, it’s not big enough). But, if you’re not going after it, you’re missing out. Consider me that teammate who tells you to get in the game. Gear up, warm up, and go out there and kick some ass.

Because you, my friend, and your life are worth it.

http://www.yourkickasslife.com/195

Jan 17, 2018
Episode 194: Interview with Lara Frazier
39:22

Welcome to another recovery series episode, and as we near the end of this season for these shows, our guest today, Lara Frazier, is sharing about her addiction to alcohol, pills, and love.

Lara explains how her own addiction issues came from trauma in her life that she didn’t know she had, and how she found that she could just distract herself by falling in love. She explains that ultimately, this wasn’t the best for her, and how she really came to understand what romantic love and intimacy was (and wasn’t).

http://yourkickasslife.com/194

 

Jan 16, 2018
Episode 193: High functioning codependency: What is it and how to heal with Terri Cole
43:02

Ok, I don’t even have a word to describe how much I’m looking forward to having you hear this episode. Terri Cole is a returning guest who appeared on the show way back on Episode 76, and this time I wanted to make sure we talked about codependency.

Why codependency? If you’re a listener of this podcast, you’ll know codependency is something that I’ve struggled with and talk about often. In this episode we look at what it really is and how to deal with realizing that it may be part of your life.

Jan 10, 2018
Episode 192: Interview with Carly Benson
53:23

There’s still time to sign up for the free book club! We start January 22nd, giving you enough time to read my new book, How To Stop Feeling Like Shit. Click this link to purchase the book and sign up-- if you already have your copy (Audiobook or e-reader counts too!) click “claim bonus” to sign up for the book club.

This show is another recovery series episode, and as always, I’m so grateful to have these amazing conversations with women in recovery. Today is no exception, as I’m talking to Carly Benson. Carly has been sober from alcohol and cocaine since August 17th, 2008, and in this she shares her own path to addiction, and eventually her recovery.

A big part of what she talks about is the need to truly open up and be willing to do things differently, but first you’ll need to be honest with how you are feeling inside. This will allow you to process the things that are happening, but you’ll hear how we all wear addiction differently and it’s up to each one us to learn how to live an intentional life.

http://yourkickasslife.com/192

 

Jan 09, 2018
Episode 191: The Key To Confidence
19:38

MY BOOK IS OUT! To celebrate, I’m giving $10 to Best Buddies International for every Amazon review from now until January 9th. (Scroll down for instructions on how to do this). Best Buddies is a nonprofit dedicated to helping people with intellectual and developmental disabilities.

If you haven’t purchased the book yet, it’s in bookstores NOW (front tables at Barnes & Noble!) or you can purchase online. Once you’ve done that, don’t forget to join us for the free book study I’m hosting starting on January 22nd (click “claim bonuses’).

*****************************************************

If confidence were easy, it would have been bottled a long time ago by Big Pharma and somebody would have more money than God right now. However, gaining confidence is not that easy.

Years ago when I saw women with confidence, I thought a few things that turned out to NOT be true.

  1. I thought they were born with it. I thought confidence was in their genes. And clearly, I wasn’t born with it.
  2. I thought maybe I could fake it by acting like I was the shit when I really did NOT think I was the shit. All this did was make me feel like shit and a big ol’ phony.
  3. I thought I could just wait until I was old to finally get it. Because we all know how much confidence Blanche Deveraux had. However, I didn’t want to wait until I was a Golden Girl.

Confidence is not something you’re born with, or something you get just by faking it, or something you automatically gain when you turn 45. It’s something that’s built piece by piece over time. It’s something you try, mess up, try again and again until you see progress, and then keep practicing for the rest of your life.

The way to gain confidence is by practicing courage.

And courage can look like many different things. They don’t have to be big, sweeping events that shake you to your core with fear. Even practicing small acts of courage will likely evoke fear in you, but all of them add up to a courageous, confident YOU.

I’ve broken it down into some steps for you…

Step 1. Decide. And I don’t mean just decide you’re confident. You can certainly do that, but I think your brain will spike the bullshit alert and the whole “fake it til you make it” thing is tough with this one. When I say “decide” I mean decide you will start practicing courage. Decide you’re ready to step out of your comfortable ways of being and try something else, little by little.

Step 2. Really dig into what practicing courage means to you. Start by thinking of the behaviors you currently do that are making you unhappy.  I’ll bet some of them are: isolating, people pleasing, perfecting, believing your inner-critic, numbing out, comparison, approval seeking, and control (Wait– did I just name your to-do list?)

Then, think of the opposite. If you’re an isolator, practicing courage would be reaching out for help and support.The opposite of people pleasing would be to simply stop before you immediately say yes to everything and practice saying no. If you’re a perfectionist, practicing courage would be to lean into “good enough” or start before you’re ready. I think you get the gist here.

Step 3: Keep repeating steps 1 and 2. Over and over again.

This will be scary, I can assure you. But, what’s scarier is looking back on your life and realizing you stayed in a place of fear. What’s scarier is realizing you allowed fear to drive your entire life. What’s possibly scarier than that is that you’ll look back and realize you modeled fear for the people you love. I’ll tell you something I know for sure. I am immensely proud of myself that I can practice courage in my life, but what makes me even more immensely proud, is that I model courage for my children. Marian Wright Edelman said, “You can’t be what you can’t see”. If you’re a parent, I KNOW you want your children to grow up learning how to practice courage. And if they see it in you, they’ll know how.

http://www.yourkickasslife.com/191

 

Jan 03, 2018
Episode 190: Interview with Arlina Allen
55:54

Happy New Year Ass-Kickers! Before we jump into today’s episode, a quick announcement: From today until January 9th, I’ll be giving $10 for every Amazon review about my new book, How To Stop Feeling Like Shit, to Best Buddies International, which is a charity close to my heart. Best Buddies helps people with intellectual and developmental disabilities. You can hear more about it and why it’s important to me in the episode. So, if you’ve read my book, please help me help them by leaving a review. Thank you in advance!

 

Today is another recovery episode with guest Arlina Allen. Today she shares how her career aspirations eventually led to issues with alcohol, how everything came to a head for her at age 25 and then how she was introduced to a 12-step program paving the way for her recovery.

Arlina has been clean and sober for 23 years and in her own journey, she was able to see the patterns that were holding her back. Along the way she’s discovered she wasn’t a victim and did indeed have the power to make the decisions that were best for her. Arlina now helps others as a host of her own podcast, The ODAAT Chat, and in this talk she reveals how she’s now able to pay it forward to help others battling addiction.

Like the other episodes in this series, even if you’re not struggling with addiction or in recovery, you probably know someone who is. That’s what these stories are for; it’s about shining the light on addiction and recovery and telling our stories. You’ll find out why quitting drinking is just a small part of the equation though, and that sobriety and recovery are two very different things.

http://yourkickasslife.com/190

 

Jan 02, 2018
Episode 189: Change the World, Create the Movement
45:04

As always, I’m very excited about today’s guest, partly because she’s awesome and partly because we’re talking about a topic I wrote about in my book-- a topic Tanya Geisler is an expert on!

Tanya has dedicated her life to helping women conquer the imposter complex, (we went into even more detail on the topic when Tanya previously appeared on the podcast). In this most recent episode we also look at everything from leadership to fear of success to cultural messaging.

When reaching a certain level of success people feel they are going to be alone, that there will be a disconnect between themselves and others, but it really doesn’t have to be this way and Tanya will help show us how.

http://yourkickasslife.com/189

 

Dec 27, 2017
Episode 188: Interview with Tiffany Han
58:47

If you’re a new podcast listener, you’ve found another recovery episode, where I have amazing conversations with women in recovery. Today’s guest is no exception! Tiffany Han is a writer, speaker, teacher and coach (as well as a fellow podcast host), and she has an interesting story of recovery.

You’ll see that not all problems are problems with a capital “P”, and listen to how Tiffany knew she needed to make changes before her drinking became a big problem.

It’s not just about quitting drinking, because you have to deal with your “shit” along with it.  Sobriety and recovery are two very different things, and you are always learning about yourself.

http://yourkickasslife.com/188

 

Dec 26, 2017
Episode 187: The magic of awkward conversations
15:18

This is a topic I talk at length about in my book, How To Stop Feeling Like Shit: 14 Habits That Are Holding You Back From Happiness. Most people struggle with having hard conversations, as well as setting boundaries. These can be some hard lessons! Enjoy...

Let’s talk about something that doesn’t always kick ass: Tough, awkward conversations.

And I’ll start with a truth: most of us don’t have enough of them. I was just talking to a friend recently who had just moved in with her cousin and was feeling like she had no say in the space. That her cousin/roommate was messy and had her stuff everywhere. So my friend was upset and complaining at length about it.

And I asked, “So what do you plan on doing about it?” And my friend laughed and said she planned on doing nothing. Basically, just continue to complain about it. That having the conversation would be awkward and uncomfortable.

And I wonder– how many of us do this every damn day? How many of us avoid awkward conversations so often that it’s affecting our lives way more negatively that we even know?

You may think I’m nuts- but I think it’s all of us.

I’ll bet you reading this can think of at least one awkward conversation you need to have. Your mom does ____, it bugs the shit out you and you wish she’d stop. Your partner keeps joking with you about ____ and you actually don’t think it’s funny, it hurts your feelings. Your boss is ______ and you really wish she wouldn’t do that. Your best friend is always late and you need to ask her to try harder to be prompt to respect your time.

Almost every single one of my private clients over the last 8 years has had some kind of conversation that’s needed to take place that they’re avoiding. Why? Because it’s uncomfortable. Because they aren’t sure what the outcome will be. What if they other person gets mad? Says no? Gets their feelings hurt? Breaks up with them? Or (insert whatever worst-case scenario you can think of).

Now I’m not going to sit here with my pom-poms cheering you on and just telling you to go out and do it. If that’s all you needed you would have done it by now. What you need are some hard truths and a plan:

Hard truth #1: You have no idea how the conversation will go. No one can promise you it will go well or turn out in your favor. Booo, I know.

Hard truth #2: The problem and/or the way you feel about this will not just go away because you avoid it like a public toilet that desperately needs to be flushed. It actually can get worse. Way worse.

Hard truth #3: I wish this wasn’t the case, but even when you get the tools and do work on yourself, the conversations are still hard. What actually gets better is how you feel having done it. And lo and behold, in most cases your relationship with the other person gets better too.

And now, how do we do this? How do we walk into these difficult conversations without spontaneously combusting with fear and anxiety? (For the record, I don’t believe this has ever happened in real life). Here’s some steps:

  1. Get clear on what it is you need to say and try to avoid blaming, criticizing, and making the other person wrong. Instead of saying, “I really think you’re a jerk when you say this to me” you can say, “You probably have no idea, but it actually hurts my feelings when you say that. Can I please ask that you stop?”
  2. Let go of any attachment to the outcome. Of course you want it to go your way. Of course you want your partner to grovel with apologies or your boss to make big changes because of your requests. But, that doesn’t always happen. The truth is some people get uncomfortable with you being vulnerable and in that moment they…panic. Which brings me to…
  3. Get clear on what you need to walk away from the conversation having done in order to make yourself feel proud. Most of the time it’s simply making your needs be heard. Whether it’s received well is up to the other person, but all you are responsible for is YOU.
  4. Have the conversation at the right time. The discussion is going to be awkward enough, do it when you and the other person can hear it. Not at 11 pm at night when you and your husband are beat tired, not first thing on a Monday morning when you know your boss is walking into a meeting and a million emails, not when you call your mom and you can tell she’s shopping at Ross on 10% off Tuesday. Your timing is important.

I believe a lot of change comes from awkward conversations. We need to have more of them. It’s understandable that you’re scared. So is the person receiving it. And let’s be honest, most of us are scared many moments in the day and you live through those moments too. Change doesn’t happen by staying silent. So, what do you choose?

http://www.yourkickasslife.com/187

 

Dec 20, 2017
Episode 186: Interview with Sasha Tozzi
48:20

Welcome back for the fourth episode in this recovery series (in addition to the 10 recovery episodes we aired last year)! My guest today is writer, life & recovery coach and speaker Sasha Tozzi.

Love addiction was a big realization to Sasha after she got sober and today she makes a conscious decision not to put people above her sitting on a pedestal. She also shares that learning how to trust herself and others again was a challenge for her (and so much more).

It’s important to understand that the addictions we are talking about today are isolating addictions, and it is important to have support as we go forward.

http://yourkickasslife.com/186

 

Dec 19, 2017
Episode 185: Get Excited About Failing
48:03

For this episode I’m bringing back a repeat guest: the amazing Lori Harder! The first time Lori was here I really connected with her, and I felt like we had some unfinished conversation, which is why I’m so excited to do this today.

Lori uses the approach of mixing and matching both fitness and personal development, and she shares how failure and negativity will undoubtedly be a big part of your growth (and success).

You’ll hear how we all have personal fears that we’re working through, but it’s in his fear that opportunities can be revealed. Surrounding yourself with the like-minded people is key, and can you give the fresh perspective that you need.

http://yourkickasslife.com/185

 

Dec 13, 2017
Episode 184: Interview with Aidan Donnelly Rowley
48:28

Welcome to another recovery episode of the podcast, where today my guest is Aidan Donnelley Rowley. Aidan is a very special human and I’m glad to share her story with you today!

In this episode she goes in detail about her personal journey with drinking, and as you’ll hear, it’s a different story than most. With the help of a therapist, her husband and her immense love for writing, Aidan was able to identify her issues with her drinking and how they were impacting her professional and personal life.

Whether you’re in recovery, or thinking about it, the wisdom Aidan shares today is sure to help you in your own journey.

http://yourkickasslife.com/182

 

Dec 12, 2017
Episode 183: You are magnificent and how to stop feeling like shit
34:16

Ass kickers!

Today I’m bringing you two things:

  1. I wrote you a poem and I perform it for you with sweaty palms on this podcast episode. It was VERY SCARY for me to do. I hope you like it. You can also read it below.
  2. Also in this episode I’m talking about WHY I wrote this book, what it’s about, how it will change your life, what it all has to do with shame, and where you can come and see me this January so I can give you a giant hug and we’ll take a selfie.

First, here is the poem I wrote you. (There’s a lot more context in the podcast episode, so even if you don’t regularly listen, you may want to tune in for this one…)

You are magnificent.

You, woman with listening to these words, stop what you are doing and let that sink in.

No matter what your inner-voice tells you.

No matter what the magazines say.

No matter what our cultures twists us to believe... you are magnificent.

 

When a woman finally realizes this it’s like seeing two lovers embracing each other at an airport.

It being too unbearably long that they have converged.

Your unembraced magnificence is waiting patiently for you.

It will wait as long as it needs to, whispering quiet invitations to your life.

 

Will you stop and listen?

 

If you pause long enough you can hear it calling you.

Breathless storms of light beckoning you home.

Home being that place of magnificence.

Your magnificence.

 

You, dear woman, hold more power than you know.

Maybe you’ve caught glimpses of it and it scared you.

Maybe you’ve let it out and someone else squashed it in their own fear.

Maybe you can feel it but deny it.

Maybe you’ve destroyed it before it could even rise up.

 

Please, I beg you.

Walk towards it.

It won’t hurt you.
It IS you.

 

You are magnificent.

(#raisehelliscoming)

 --------------------

Second, I talk a lot about what’s in How To Stop Feeling Like Shit: 14 Habits That Are Holding You Back From Happiness including the two main solutions. I mention a lot of links in this episode, so here you go:

Link to pre-order the book, as well as the place to claim your bonuses (use that same link if you’ve already pre-ordered but haven’t claimed your bonuses yet or signed up for the free book club!)

Share the book trailer here on Facebook.

If you know of a podcast you think I should be interviewed on, tell us here.

NYC book signing will be on January 6th. We don’t have a bookstore yet (coming soon!), but please sign up here to be notified about where and what time.

NYC workshop is here (space is VERY limited!)  

Chicago book signing is here.

Chicago workshop is here.

San Diego book signing is here.

Portland book signing is here.

Greensboro, NC book signing is here.

I hope to see you in one of those cities, if not, I hope to see you in the free book club!

Hugs and ass kicking,

Andrea

http://yourkickasslife.com/183

 

Dec 06, 2017
Episode 182: Interview with Kristi Coulter
50:59

Today I have another recovery episode for you, with my guest Kristi Coulter. I first learned about Kristi when an essay that she had written went viral, and if you haven’t read it yet, I encourage you to do so. Even if you’re not in recovery, the messages she shares are so powerful.

In this episode we discuss a lot of Kristi’s writings, including an essay she wrote about how to not drink at Thanksgiving, and she shares with us her story about her relationship with alcohol (and the road to recovery).

Kristi is an incredible writer and woman in recovery, and I’m so honored to have been able to speak with her and share this important conversation.

http://yourkickasslife.com/182

 

Dec 05, 2017
Episode 181: Overwhelm, being in control, and more
58:15

I’m so excited to bring you this interview today with my friend Heather Chauvin. With a professional background in mental health, Heather is now a leader in the space of parenting and women’s issues, and she brings her insight (and great energy!) to the show today.

A big part of what Heather does is inspiring others to take back control of how they want to lead, work, play and parent. Where does this all start? Heather shows us how you need to begin by taking action in order to create your own reality and take back control from the overwhelm of life.

http://yourkickasslife.com/181

 

Nov 29, 2017
Episode 180: Interview with Anna David
42:04

I’m so excited today to be kicking off 10 extra podcast episodes of The Recovery Series! For newer listeners of the podcast, I am a person in long-term recovery from alcohol addiction, and before that faced other addictions like co-dependency.

You would not believe how many people have emailed me to tell me how this series helped them get (and stay!) sober, which is why it means so much to be that I can bring these episodes to you.

The first guest this year of The Recovery Series is Anna David, a New York Times bestselling author of books about addiction, recovery and relationships. Anna is amazing in the recovery world and even wrote a book called Party Girl: A Novel, where she talks openly about her days while still drinking.

http://yourkickasslife.com/180

 

Nov 28, 2017
Episode 179: Start With Yourself
56:30

Today’s guest is a real life friend of mine – and actually one of the first friends I made when we moved to North Carolina. “Ella” is actually her initials and the name she goes by online, not her real first name (think Beyoncé or Madonna)! She’s so fancy 😉

In this episode Ella shares about that place where wellness and personal development meet. We look at how you can make the decision to not beat yourself up with shame (and find a balance) and so much more!

http://yourkickasslife.com/179

 

Nov 22, 2017
Episode 178: Where to start in personal development
29:36

Hi ass kickers!

Today I’m answering a common questions, and that’s Where do I start in personal development?

There’s so many topics-- from surrender to self-love to forgiveness? Where in the world do we begin? Well, I’ve broken it down into 5 places to look at, as well as created a handy-dandy worksheet for you to follow along and get your own insight into where might be a good place for you to start.

In the episode, I break down these 5 areas:

  • Addictions
  • Therapy  (link to therapy episode)
  • Core beliefs
  • Negative self talk
  • Communication

Hopefully, this episode will give you clear insight to where you can look that will set you up on a path to healing and betterment, as well as let you know you are NOT alone if you’re feeling overwhelmed in not knowing where to start.

http://yourkickasslife.com/178

 

Nov 15, 2017
Episode 177: all about forgiveness
38:42

In this episode we’re talking all about forgiveness, and today’s guest literally wrote the book on this topic! Emily Hooks is the author of The Power of Forgiveness, and as you’ll hear from this conversation, this subject can be complex.

At the root of it, forgiveness isn’t about the other person; it is about healing yourself.

If life isn’t showing up how you want it to that’s a sign that it’s trying to show us what to heal, forgive or learn. This is what makes it so important that we explore the relationships in our lives, with both ourselves and other people.

Ultimately, you will decide if there is a need for forgiveness based on the impact of what happened. Rewriting your own story is possible and can lead you to start the healing process now. Best of all, you can use what has happened to you for good, no matter how traumatic the experience.

http://yourkickasslife.com/177

 

Nov 08, 2017
Episode 176: What the work actually looks like
01:04:31

Many months ago I sent out a survey looking for what you wanted to hear more of on the podcast, and the results are in! A handful of you wanted to hear more stories from “regular” women (and not experts in personal development), so today I am bringing you a conversation I had with a coaching client of mine.

Janessa Nickell is a client I’ve worked with for many months over this past year, and in this episode she talks about her struggles and what she was facing when she decided to work with me privately. She reveals that through the work that was done, she now has the confidence to be able to do this work on herself, but it wasn’t without becoming extremely vulnerable first. Like everyone, not only does Janessa have a story to tell but now she is going out in the world and sharing it!

The heart of what I do is around vulnerability, shame resilience, and courage. It’s sometimes hard for me to explain what this looks like and it’s easier to hear it coming out of the mouth of someone who’s experienced it. As you’ll hear, it takes a decision and a commitment to the work.

http://yourkickasslife.com/176

 

Nov 01, 2017
Episode 175: Hungry for happiness
58:44

Did you know it’s ok to not love your body? Well you can, and then start taking steps forward and become in tune with it. Here to share her insight on body image (and all things related) is Samantha Skelly, an emotional eating expert who’s revolutionizing the weight loss industry by uncovering the underlying causes of eating disorders.

Shame kept Samantha stuck, but as you’ll hear pain is a divine teacher. She reveals why we need to feel in order to heal, and how it’s not about being a certain weight but really how you feel about yourself.

http://yourkickasslife.com/175

 

Oct 25, 2017
Episode 174: Listener Q & A on should I stay or go? And learning to say no
49:23

Hi ass kickers!

Welcome to another Listener Q & A episode! I have my friend Kate on again as we tackle two questions from the YKAL community. Here is question 1:

Hi Andrea,

I found your recovery series compelling and now I know why. I am involved in a long-term relationship with an alcoholic (or at least I think so).

My question is this: I do not know whether I should stay or go. I try to do research on a book to read and to get more information and it is pretty confusing. My therapist agrees that I should leave him. I see book reviews on books that say I should love and understand him and then he and I (codependent) can both heal. I do not know what book to read. I do not know what to do. I just know that my brain is big ball of string when I try to untangle this, and my heart is broken in pieces. -Kathryn

Kate and I are both in agreement that Kathryn should start by taking care of herself, and give her a couple of resources to do that. We discuss the very important thing Kathryn should be clear about before she decides to leave (if she ever decides that) that anyone can contemplate before leaving a committed relationship.

**************************************************

Question 2 is:

Curveballs.

I'm not even talking about major curveballs. On Monday I had a goal that I was going to clamp down on for my business. Today was the day.

Then the landlady knocks on the door to say that today is the day the guy is coming to paint, and sorry she didn't tell me earlier, she didn't want to bother me yesterday.

Then I decide to make a plan with a friend of mine to go to her house, so that I don't end up sleeping in paint fumes all day and trying to work in chaos. It works out so perfectly because she happens to be in my area at that very moment and she is able to pick up.

The point is, that day ended up being more of a tagging along doing my friend's errands (one of which has been a huge blessing - saving me a bit of money). But, I couldn't help feeling like I "should" be clamping down on the original goal.

I'll be honest and say that some of my anxiety was due to the fear of lack of focus when I was not in my own home, and I am still learning about how to put up boundaries when I'm with other people and say "hey, I'm kinda working, could you leave me alone?" I am still learning how not to always be the accommodating rather than a decision maker.

I just am tired of that and wanna grow up. So, how does an empowered woman, not go down that spiral and instead recognise what's happening when there is a curveball and use it efficiently? -Niki

Kate and I answer what seems like two questions from Niki: how to say “no” in a polite, yet firm way, and how to surrender to life when things don’t go as planned. We both have different viewpoints about productivity, share our personal experience there and give Niki advice about what to ask herself in those frustrating situations.

http://www.yourkickasslife.com/174

 

Oct 18, 2017
Episode 173: Angels, guides, and you
35:16

I’m excited for you to hear this episode, because it’s the first time I've had a witch on the podcast! Just kidding (sort of) --today my guest is psychic medium Laura Powers, and she’s showing us how each of us can access our own intuition to learn about our true selves.

As Laura shares, we can actually be proactive and take different approaches to reach out to our angels (or guides, as she calls them). We can also learn to recognize when they are trying to reach out to us, and then open ourselves up to this communication.

I think you’ll be fascinated what she has to say, as this episode of the podcast is a real eye opener!

http://yourkickasslife.com/173

 

Oct 11, 2017
Episode 172: End the stigma. Open the conversation.
33:44

There’s a chance that anyone listening to this podcast has dealt with feelings of anxiety and depression. Our guest today is Quentin Vennie, and he’s openly battled and survived not only these afflictions, but he’s also overcome addiction and now encourages others to be proactive in caring for their mental health.

In this episode, Quentin talks openly about his struggles growing up being a male in the community he was raised in and the expectations that society had on him as being a man. He shares how this contributed to his anxiety and depression disorders, but by listening you’ll hear how he was able to use different modalities and paths to process and for healing himself.

http://yourkickasslife.com/172

 

Oct 04, 2017
Episode 171: How to change your mind from fear to love
48:31

I’m so excited to bring you today’s show with guest Maria Felipe. Marie is an author who’s achieved success as a model and actress, and used to be a WWF hostess! She has so much energy that it’s infectious, and you’re going to absolutely love listening to her story!

As you’ll hear, Maria’s own journey started with her trying to find happiness inside her, and she started doing the deep work to heal herself. She recognized that we’ve been run by a society that is ego driven, and this makes us feel that fear and sadness is normal. Maria is trying to change this thinking though through her work, and to show people that happiness and feeling at peace is actually normal.

http://yourkickasslife.com/171

 

Sep 27, 2017
Episode 170: Maybe you don't need no stinkin' purpose
18:25

My friend Beth Grant posted something on Facebook recently that caught my attention. She said,

“Purpose is a need of the ego, to make it feel important. I'm much more interested in self-expression. I would much more focus on PATH than purpose. I would want you to do that, too. To find your true path and live it. Every path has a purpose, after all ... life is a learning experience and your path is a means of self-expression.

I've said it a thousand times ... your purpose in life is to be yourself. That's it. It's not more complicated than that.”

I’ve written about purpose before. I’ve always felt it was this thing in personal development that some gurus treat as a kind of secret. That once we find our purpose in life we’ll FINALLY feel like we have all our shit together, we’ll feel like we’re “fixed”, and we can join their secret club and wait for the others to join in. And I think that’s bullshit.

I do feel like I’m lucky and not lucky that I feel I’ve found my purpose, but lucky that I don’t feel the need to find IT. The One Thing. The ultimate portion of my life that will make me feel fulfilled.

To be clear, I actually DO feel like I’ve found my purpose. It’s not life coaching, or mothering my children, or even speaking out about things I’m passionate about. My purpose, like Beth mentions above, is my path. It’s my life.

And I do think that when one does dive into personal development, this becomes a trap. Just another topic to entice people with like the dangling carrot.

I totally understand where this comes from on a deep level. We want to know that our lives matter. We want to feel that we matter. That we’re not just taking up space in this crowded, noisy world.

And I wish I could snap my fingers and just tell you, “Let it go, sister! Your purpose is your path. Just accept it.” and all is well and you can skip along your life feeling relieved. Maybe it is this easy, but what if it’s not? Quite honestly, I don’t think it’s my job to convince you. What I can tell you is one of the things that is paramount in working on is surrender and self-trust.

Surrendering means that you give up the notion that there is this one true destiny for you. That you give up that you have to know The Answer and that if you can just figure it out, you’ll be happier, and that’s your solution. Surrendering doesn’t have to mean you pray over your crystals or mediate to the archangel/goddess/priestess of the day to show you the way. I think those are all fine things to do but that’s not how I do it.

Surrendering to the path means that even when things go what I deem as wrong, I feel whatever I’m feeling, and keep moving forward. I don’t hide, or numb it out, or feel like the world is against me. It literally is what it is. When things don’t go the way I planned or how I wanted, I still get frustrated or angry, but I know on a deep level that I’ll be okay. I actually have NO IDEA if our lives have a pre-determined destiny or if we’re just floating around accidental-like on a breeze like Forrest Gump tells us. Most days I think it’s somewhere in the middle. What I do feel on a deep level is that many of us are what I like to call “seekers”. We’re seeking a deeper meaning of life. We’re seeking to better ourselves. We’re seeking out other people like us. We’re seeking who we really are.

And seekers are typically really, really smart. Hence, having a hard time surrendering. We want to know all these answers asap. I’m like that too. But, what I know to be absolutely true is that the more I try to force the answers, the more I try to seek this purpose, the more stressed and anxious I get. I lose the seeker inside of me.

Self-trust is the sister of surrender. It’s knowing we’re going to be okay. It’s knowing you are loved and a magnificent human being even when things aren’t going well and you feel like you don’t know your purpose. It’s knowing that because you are a seeker, that is your purpose. It’s knowing your path is your purpose.

So, fellow seekers of your purpose. I hope you have found some solace from this post. Your path is your purpose. Your life is your purpose. You being a seeker is your purpose. You’re doing it. You’re fulfilling it. It won’t look perfect, you’ll question it and wonder if you’re doing it right and the answer will always be yes.

Resources from this post:
What if you haven’t found your “thing” yet?

http://yourkickasslife.com/170

Sep 20, 2017
Episode 169: Here's what's coming
08:15

http://yourkickasslife.com/169



Since many of you are new to the YKAL community (if you are,
Haiiii!) I thought it would be helpful to record a quick episode and post about what’s coming for the rest of the year as well as what you can expect in 2018. All I can say is: GET READY TO KICK SOME ASS.

First, my free workshop on my 3 Most Effective Ways to Manage Your Inner-Critic is coming up on September 21st. Go here to sign up for that or text the word GREMLIN to 444999.

The class: Kick Your Gremlin’s Ass is coming next week too. This is the LAST TIME I will run this live. If you feel your life is being run by negative self-talk, this class is for you! (If you sign up for the workshop above, there’s special bonuses and a price break.)

MY NEW BOOK HOW TO STOP FEELING LIKE SHIT COMES OUT ON JANUARY 2nd! (Pre-order here, y’all) There will be a study group for the book led by yours truly. Registration opens late January, and we’ll start sometime in February. Go here to be the first to know about that.

I’ll also be doing a book tour and hitting cities for book signings, meet-ups and small, exclusive workshops. When I sent out a survey a few months ago many of you said instead of doing multi-day retreats, you’d love to be able to come to a half-day workshop, so that’s what I’m doing! If you want to know if I’m coming to a city near you, click here and sign up to be notified!

RAISE HELL is coming in April. OMG, y’all. I’m so excited for this class I can barely stand it. Raise Hell is about you taking back your life. It’s about figuring out what you want, what you need, asking for it, and going after it with support from me and your group of soul sisters. It’s about accountability and feeling fear and walking through it. It’s about you.

THE MENTORSHIP is coming next fall. We’re diving deeper into things like core beliefs, vulnerability, negative self-talk, shame resilience, and whatever primary focus you bring. There will also be a weekend retreat and 1:1 sessions with me included in this group. For a small group of women by application only.

Sep 16, 2017
Episode 168: Are you in alignment with your soul?
47:26

http://yourkickasslife.com/168 


Hey Ass-Kickers! 

This is an episode that’s a little more “woo-woo” than normal, but I’ve just been really attracted to these types of topics lately – and y’all get to come along with me! 

Lisa Fabrega is a truth-telling coach, writer and innovator in the realm of leadership, and today we’re talking all about our souls and how they will constantly need to be re-aligned due to the societal pressures we face. She also shares with us how we can start to listen to our souls, and a whole lot more interesting information that is sure to get you assessing your own situation. 

Sep 13, 2017
Episode 167: Life Lessons from Cha Cha DiGregorio
27:49

http://yourkickasslife.com/167

 

 

“They call me Cha Cha...because I’
m the best dancer at St. Bernadette’s”

Everyone has their favorite character from the movie Grease. Maybe you relate to Sandy and her quest for true love, or goofball Frenchie.

For me, my absolute love affair has always been with the character Cha Cha DiGregorio.

Of course she’s a fictional character, played in the movie version by the late Annette Charles, but even as a child I’ve loved her. She played a smaller role in the movie, but it didn’t matter to me. Everything she was about, I loved. However, the attributes of her character that I adored about her, are also the things we, as women, are not particularly celebrated for. In other words, even in the movie, Cha Cha was not well liked.

First, we are introduced to Cha Cha by Kenickie, where she says, “They call me Cha Cha...because I’m the best dancer at St. Bernadette’s” This woman actually does what we are told not to do: brags about herself. She knows she’s the best damn dancer and she tells people SHE JUST MET. HELL YES. And holy crap, she IS a great dancer.

Then, she sees Danny on the dance floor, grabs him and they start dancing, Sandy storms off in a huff. Sandy could have stood up to Cha Cha, she could have said, “Hey Danny, WTF, you came to the dance with me so why are you dancing her her?” But noooo, since we all love Sandy so much, we all feel sorry for her and hate Cha Cha for being such a bitch.


Here she is leaving all “WAHHH, someone stole my
date and I won’t fight to get him back.”

But, the way I looked at it was WOW. Cha Cha sees what she wants and goes after it. And no, I don’t condone snatching other people’s dates, but if we look at this strictly as symbolism, Cha Cha is a woman who doesn’t give a shit if she hurts someone’s feelings. She’s not concerned about “playing nice”

So, she and Danny and killing it on the dance floor, and then this happens


Holy shit.

Again, ZERO FUCKS this woman. She couldn’t care less that everyone can see her underwear (bloomers?) and that Danny is basically sitting on her face in front of God and everybody, including the whole school and teachers. Plus, since she goes to St. Bernadette's’, you bet your ass that’s a Catholic school where this kind of behavior is is frowned upon. But, guess who doesn’t care? That’s right, Cha Cha Digregorio.

After the most epic hand jive in the history of the universe commences, OBVIOUSLY with Cha Cha being the dance contest winner (well, you were good too, Danny, but you would have been nothing without her), based on the sheer enthusiasm she has for dancing. I mean, we could all take a lesson from her on doing something you love and running head first into the euphoria of it. Then, the teacher comes out to award the trophy and does Cha Cha patiently wait to have it handed to her? NOPE, she straight up and down snatches that trophy and proudly waves it around with a look on her face of I AM THE GREATEST DANCER THAT EVER LIVED WHY WOULD THERE BE ANY QUESTION EVER THAT THIS TROPHY IS MINE.

God, I love this woman.

Obviously, I’m not saying everyone should take other people’s boyfriends and dance partners whenever they feel like it. I am however, asking you to take a closer look at this character and see the parts of her many of us can take lessons from.

LIFE LESSONS FROM CHARLENE “CHA CHA” DIGREGORIO

She sees what she wants and goes after it. She saw an opportunity and went after it. Where in your life have you passed up opportunities because you didn’t think you were qualified enough, smart enough- basically not good enough? Probably somewhere. Would Cha Cha pass up that opportunity for a promotion? Nope. Would she not speak up in a meeting because she felt other people wouldn’t like her ideas? Nope again. She knows deserves it and if it doesn’t work out? Meh, there’s always next time. There will always be a next time.

She owns her superpower. She knows she is a great dancer. She tells people. She doesn’t care that other people are great dancers too. She allows herself to be free, embraces it, and even breaks the rules to fully throw herself into her dancing. Would Cha Cha be worried that other people might judge her dancing? Not a chance. I hope you can look in the mirror, know your superpower, and LOVE yourself for it.

When people clearly don’t like her, she gives exactly zero fucks about it. When Frenchie mentions Cha Cha’s “worst reputation” I thought the gym would light on fire with the glare she shoots Frenchie. Cha Cha seems to have no female friends, only the boys and she doesn’t care. She could have burst into tears, she could have chased the Pink Ladies around trying to be friends, she could have apologized to Sandy for stealing her date, but she does. Not. Care. She’s not there to make friends, she’s there to have a good time. Of course I’m all for friendships-- but where in your life could you ease up on giving so many shits about what everyone thinks? Where are you spending a metric shit-ton of energy worrying if people are talking about your or not?

From now on when I’m doubting myself, or worried about anything, I’m going to ask myself, “What would Cha Cha DiGregorio do?” And I hope you can adopt that too.

 

Sep 06, 2017
Episode 166: Changing the diet mentality
59:41

http://yourkickasslife.com/166

Today we have Isabel Foxen Duke joining me again on the podcast, this time to talk about how women are experiencing the diet culture. I love having Isabel as a guest and I’m excited because she is an absolute expert on this topic!

In today’s world, women are getting so many messages from the media and the body image issues that arise can lead us into multiple behaviors. I open up in this episode about my own past relationships with food and eating, and it’s something that I haven’t shared like this in any of the past episodes.

Aug 30, 2017
Episode 165: The Self-Love Experiment with Shannon Kaiser
35:43

http://yourkickasslife.com/165

Hey Ass Kickers!

I’m joined today by best selling author (and so much more!), Shannon Kaiser. Shannon’s new book is called The Self-Love Experiment: Fifteen Principles for Becoming More Kind, Compassionate, and Accepting of Yourself, which goes along so well with what we talk about here on the Your Kick-Ass Life Podcast.

Through her work, Shannon shows others how to fall in love with their lives and fearlessly live their full potential. But do we really know what self-love is, and how to love the parts of us that we think are unlovable?

Aug 23, 2017
Episode 164: Changing The Way We Change with John Kim
31:34
Hi. 
 
So, the way it works over here is that the weekly emails and podcast episodes get ready several days in advance. Saves everyone on the YKAL team some stress and what can I say— I like to be prepared. 
 
And then the events in Charlottesville, Virginia happened on Saturday. 
 
I’ve been sitting here at home with my kids sick over it, spending long moments staring off into space feeling worried, helpless, hopeless, angry, and afraid. (Which I know this is my privilege to do so). Wondering if I should halt all podcast episodes and other events I have going on. Seems ludicrous to talk about anything but that. 
 
The thing is, racism is all around us. It’s in our faces. And it can only be dismantled if we talk about it, get uncomfortable confronting and admitting our own biases, rinse and repeat. There is more, but as I have mentioned— I am not the expert here. If you missed some episodes where we dive more into this, you can check them out here and here
 
Yes, we can choose kindness and love and all those wonderful things, but we cannot sit by and do nothing. Reading and listening is a great first step. Some great pieces of writing I’ve read lately are Most Women You Know Are Angry— And That’s All Right, by Laurie Penny, and Dear White Women: This Is Definitely Us, by Janelle Hanchett (which, btw, Janelle is coming on the recovery series podcast in December. Get ready). 
 
And at the end of the day, the beat still goes on. We can do both— work on our own personal development, live our lives, and love our people and at the same time try to dismantle the racism all around us. 
 
xo,
Andrea 

 

For full post visit: http://yourkickasslife.com/164

Hey Ass Kickers!

In this episode I’m bringing on a guest that has a similar story as mine, in that he too had a painful divorce that became the catalyst for his better life. John Kim created the blog The Angry Therapist, and although he has a background in clinical therapy, he’s now unconventional and shaking up this model and actually forming a movement.

You’ll hear us talk a lot about the differences between therapy (as most people know it) and life coaching – particularly the style that John uses to bring out the best in each and every client he works with.

Like John, I’ve always felt that the clinical therapy route is somewhat outdated, with the therapist often being put up on a pedestal with the client thinking he or she has a “perfect life”. You’ll find that he’s as real as they come though; he’s raw and transparent, and openly admits that he himself is a work in progress. I think this is why his message resonates with so many people…

Aug 16, 2017
Episode 163: Pulp (Non) Fiction with Kira and Amy
57:35

http://yourkickasslife.com/163

Hey Ass Kickers!

I can absolutely guarantee that this episode of the podcast is unlike any that you’ve listened to (as if you couldn’t tell by the title)? I wanted to do something a bit different, so I’m bringing on two good friends, and pasts guests: Amy Smith of The Joy Junkie and Kira Sabin of The League of Adventurous Singles.

Both Amy and Kira will be co-hosting Tanning, Tacos and Transformation with me, and I thought this episode would be a great way for me to introduce you to them - if you don’t already know who they are!

I promise you are going to hear some personal development and topics we talk about a lot of the podcast: worthiness, confidence, boundaries, relationships and more. Most of this chat though is us asking each other some ridiculous questions, for which we have some even more ridiculous answers.

I do want to warn you that there is a lot of foul language in this one, and it contains probably the most bad words I’ve ever had in an episode (needless to say, today’s conversation isn’t for children)!

 

Aug 09, 2017
Episode 162: Can kindness change the world?
44:53

http://yourkickasslife.com/162

Hey Ass Kickers!


Today’s guest is Orly Wahba, the CEO of Life Vest Inside. She’s here to talk all about how kindness is the greatest tool we have for empowering ourselves – and as Director of Kindness Boomerang, CEO of Kindness USA, and the author of Kindness Boomerang, Orly is a great person to share her insights on the subject.

As you’ll hear from Orly, who you are means a lot more than what you do, and we need to recognize that we all have the power to resolve the issues that our society is facing today.

Aug 02, 2017
Episode 161: Listener Q & A on Dreams, Goals, and Family
29:08

http://www.yourkickasslife.com/160

 

Hi ass kicker! I’m so excited to have returning guest (two weeks in a row!) Elizabeth DiAlto on the show today for another Q & A episode.

So many of you-- on your quest to live YOUR kick-ass life, have dreams, goals, and ambitions, But, what happens when not everyone is onboard or in our cheering section? The two questions today are from women in the YKAL community who are asking just that. We're talking about some really juicy topics, so let’s dive in…

The first question comes from Jennifer. She asks:

How do you stay committed to your dream when your spouse or significant other is not on board? How do you continue to speak your truth and not just bite your tongue and abandon your dream to keep the peace?

Elizabeth and I talk about what to do in that situation-- do you keep trying to get your partner on board, or do something else? We have advice!

Then, Rachel asks a similar question:

What do you do when you feel like your dreams and ambitions are surpassing those of your family members, and they don't know how to handle it? I've grown a lot over the last couple years, but some of my older siblings haven't. I feel like I'm "showing off" around them now, or like I have to act less-developed or hold back. These are people I still want in my life. I almost feel guilty for growing ? I don't, by any means, feel like I'm better than them, at all. I'm just in a different stage of my personal development journey than they are, and it feels uncomfortable.

For Rachel, is this a boundaries issue? Should she “quiet herself down”? We’ve got answers to these Q’s and my guest Elizabeth was the perfect person to have on to help sort things out!

And hey-- if you liked this episode you would LOVE  the free workshop we are hosting tomorrow! Well, ELizabeth is going to do most of the talking and I'll be more of her sidekick. I love these kind of live workshops because we get to interact with you and I will be giving away a signed copy of my book during the workshop! Plus, we have a private, “pop-up” Facebook group that you’re invited too (also free) where we can further the conversation.

The workshop is titled Four Things You Can Do To Clear Out The BS In Your Life and Be More Receptive To What You Actually Want and you can head over to yourkickasslife.com/elizabeth to sign up for free, or click the image below. See you there!

Jul 26, 2017
Episode 160: Trust, Surrender, Compassion and more
38:32

http://yourkickasslife.com/160 

Hey Ass Kickers!

Today I’m joined by my friend, and another past guest of the podcast, Elizabeth DiAlto! Elizabeth is a teacher, leader, speaker and coach (as well an author and podcast host) and she is known for her raw, honest and grounded approach to self-help and spirituality.

In this episode you’re going to hear all about the workshop Elizabeth and I are presenting this month, specifically for the Your Kick-Ass Life audience, surrounding practical tools for women to be more receptive to what they want in life.


Jul 19, 2017
Episode 159: Listener Q & A on a plethora of different topics
52:59

http://yourkickasslife.com/159

 

Hi ass kickers! It’s a listener Q & A day! Today I bring on my long-time friend, Courtney Webster, to help me answer three questions from some awesome ladies in the YKAL community. Here they are and what we cover in today’s episode:

don't know how to phrase it...you finally decided to make a radical change or take a huge risk toward something big. How to overcome the resulting fear and doubt and keep the momentum. - Karen

  • Courtney and I pull out some of our finest coaching tools to answer this questions-- everything from the WHY to values to permission to make mistakes.
  • We ask some further challenging questions for Karen to ask herself to help create more momentum.

The second listener question is similar to Karen’s, but so important to help creating the life you want.

How do you not to go into "avoidance or stall mode" when your inner-critic starts in on your big change plan resulting in you not proceeding with your plan! - Diane

Courtney and I talk about:

  • What the inner-critic’s main job is and how it stops you, and how to make the small steps to bypass it.
  • The most important question your coach should ask you about accountability.
  • Questions to ask yourself if you’re on your own and don’t have a coach, but still want to kick some ass.

Our last question is one I thought SO many of you could relate to…

How do you stop yourself from obsessing or overanalyzing something that someone said to you? Or replaying situations or conversations in your mind?  As the Frozen girls would say, how do you "let it go" when it is something not worth asking the other person about or clarifying with them? I feel like in today's world, especially with texting, it is so easy to assume someone is mad when at you when they just text back an emoji thumbs up, or worse, the letter 'k."  How do you stop turning something into a big deal in your head when most likely they were just tired, stressed, or too busy to think of a better response? -Stefanie

For this question we discuss:

  • The brain science of what’s happening here, so hopefully the awareness around that will help.
  • The magic of being able to assign a different assumption to what we receive instead of assuming the worst.
  • What’s your responsibility and what’s theirs.

Also, If you’d like to get twice a month updates on free workshops and if I have a new class open for registration, simply text the word UPDATES to 444999. Enjoy the episode!

Jul 12, 2017
Episode 158: How to be a badass at making money
38:46

http://yourkickasslife.com/158

Hey Ass Kickers!

In this episode, Jen Sincero returns as a guest of the Your Kick-Ass Life Podcast. Jen is a #1 NY Times Bestselling Author with her book, You Are a Badass: How to Stop Doubting Your Greatness and Start Living an Awesome Life and she’s helped countless people transform their personal and professional lives.

Last time Jen was on the show, she shared all about the power of surrender, why creativity isn’t limited to just art, and powerful exercises to get clear on who you are and why you’re here. Today, we’re talking about something we all face: how to uplevel your mindset around money, identifying the fears you’re carrying and how to overcome them so you can live your best life possible.

Jen reveals today what you’ll learn from her latest book, You Are a Badass at Making Money: Master the Mindset of Wealth. With a title like that, you know this is an episode that you need to tune into!

Jul 05, 2017
Episode 157: How to find a great therapist and how to get the most out of it
35:00

http://yourkickasslife.com/157

 

Hi ass kickers! Today I’m talking about therapy. More specifically, how to choose a therapist that’s right for you as well as how to get the most out of therapy.

First, why therapy? If you keep repeating the same patterns, if you’re blaming a lot (you are tolerating bullshit or not taking responsibility for your own shit, or both) then therapy is for you.

If you have Family of Origin issues (who doesn’t?), then therapy is for you. Not a place to blame and shame your family, but to see what core beliefs were developed as a result of the wounds that happened as you grew up.  

If you need a safe place to talk to someone, therapy is for you.

First, how do you find a therapist that’s best for us? Google? Just get a referral from someone? A therapist whose website says they have a specialty you need?

Well, with my own years of experience of therapists, having great ones and not so great ones, here’s my advice and the advice of the smartest people I know: My Facebook friends. In this episode you’ll hear some highlights (keep in mind, I go into more detail on the podcast that what you’ll read below):

First, how to find one:

Stacy says, “Research their areas of concentration. Have an initial meeting, chemistry is important. Honesty is important, it is hard to be vulnerable, but the best therapist in the world cannot help if you keep things from them.”

Patty says, “You are about to spend A LOT of time with this person so have an initial call or session to determine if you click. Plan to interview at least 3 but possibly 10 therapists to find a good one. It used to be that a therapist approach (cognitive, behavioral etc) was important but almost every therapist says they are "eclectic" now so ask them what they believe creates change for someone. See if their answer resonates with you. Most of all trust your gut.”

Jennifer says, “Listen to your intuition in terms of how you feel interacting with them, ensure they have a specialization and/or experience in your presenting issues (it's hard to be truly skilled at everything).”

Lisa says, “Check their license to see if they have had any disciplinary actions against them first! Go with your gut. I prefer someone who has been in practice for a while and took the time to get paneled on many insurance companies boards. They might be more legitimate. Anyone can say the specialize in a topic so I do not take that too seriously.”

Mish says, “I want someone who isn't going to go off in tangents about their life. Someone who is willing to ask deep questions and isn't narrow focused. Someone who is personable but professional.”

How to get the most out of therapy:

Jennie says, “Doing what your therapist says and giving things a try for longer than half a second.”

Emma says, “Know that you have to be willing to go to the hard places. They support you, they don't fix you. You discover you don't need fixing.

The willingness to look at yourself will move mountains.

Don't expect results in two sessions - it takes time to build rapport and heal.

You need to connect with your therapist. If you don't feel comfortable with them, you won't do your best work, even if they have ten degrees. Equally, they're not supposed to be your friend. They are there to challenge, hold and support you. You have actual friends to listen to you and tell you you're right to be mad at your ex or whatever is going on for you.”

Ericka says, “If you are a person of color, having a therapist willing to talk about race or racial backgrounds and trauma. It's imperative as sometimes you need to explore all the reasons you might have pain. When I had this from my therapist, it was a blessing. She was amazing to add that perspective to my work.”

Kimberly says, “The importance of not being afraid to walk away. Even if it's your first time - if you aren't comfortable - YOU CAN find someone else. It's worth taking the time to keep going until you find someone you click with. I know how annoying repeating the "why you are here" story is, but it's better to do it over and over than waste your time and money. Go to someone YOU like and maybe that's different than someone your friend recommended. Also understand the different types of therapy that exist.”

Kelly says, “I feel like a therapist's worldview is really important to know -- but traditionally, therapist's are not supposed to disclose their worldviews or politics. I had an experience, however, in which a therapist suggested I should be more conventionally feminine and that some of my issues would fade away if I behaved in that way in my relationship. Obviously, that's not going to happen and so our two worldviews were a fundamental mismatch. It was then important to me that I find a feminist therapist who wouldn't advise me to change who I was or alter my deliberately chosen commitments in order to navigate the world. So that's what I would advise, and it's counter to the way the profession is organized: know your therapist's worldview and collective inclinations/commitments.”

Erin says, “As a therapist, I emphasize that I'm human first, trained clinician second. In other words, I am not on a pedestal, I've struggled with several similar issues as well in my life--I've just gone to school/practiced to learn the tools, thoughts, etc to move through.

I also let them know that I will circle back after our 2nd session to make sure client feels as though we are a fit-if not, I will help client find someone who is. I've had far too many clients say that they've stayed with therapists in the past way too long despite not feeling a connection because they didn't know how to "stop going." This is often one of our first "lessons" together of empowerment.

Lastly, I emphasize that after 20 years I think I've heard it all hopefully allowing them to feel as though they can bring up challenging topics without the fear of being judged.”

*************************

I have one spot open for 1:1 clients to start in August. There are two types of packages I offer to work with my privately, my most popular package is The Daring Way™, based on the research of Brené Brown. It’s a 5 month deep dive which takes you from a place of fear into courage and confidence.


If you’re in that place where your usual coping skills aren’t working anymore and you’re ready for big transformations, I invite you to check out here and if it resonates, fill out an application. Those applications come to me directly.

Jun 28, 2017
Episode 156: Self-help and social activism
39:54

http://yourkickasslife.com/156

Hey Ass Kickers!

Have you ever considered the deeper meaning behind personal development, and the self-help industry as a whole? This episode today with guest Andrea Ranae is guaranteed to get you thinking (and talking), and what she talks about affects everyone, not just coaches or someone in the self-help industry.

Andrea is a coach herself who wrote a blog post last summer titled, Why the Self-Help Industry Isn’t Changing The World, which went viral and has been shared thousands of times since. She believes there is a disconnect between our own industry and the work of social justice, and even offers a Coaching As Activism Program to her clients.

Jun 21, 2017
Episode 155: On Love, Grief, and Lessons Learned
01:13:51

http://yourkickasslife.com/155

 

Today’s episode is a bit different than my usual. I’ve brought on Amy Smith (my best friend and The Joy Junkie) as I tell the story of my father’s terminal illness and death, what it’s been like, and what I’ve learned in the seven months since it’s happened. Amy shares the story of her father’s death too.

Amy prompts me to answer the questions of:

How has it been doing all of this sober?

What has this taught you?

I thank you all for listening to this episode-- it was not easy to record, but I’m thankful for Amy for helping me and for all of you for being there. I hope this helps any of you who’ve also loved someone you love, have been through any grief of your own, or to help anyone that will someday walk this same path.

Jun 14, 2017
Episode 154: Love and relationships with Tatiana Jerome
40:33

http://yourkickasslife.com/154

Hey Ass-Kickers!

On today’s episode I welcome Tatiana Jerome to the show to give it to us straight – as a woman who doesn’t sugarcoat the truth! Her personal experiences led her to not just a successful online presence but also a career counseling women and a public speaking. Tatiana teaches how to focus on loving and taking care of ourselves first. As she shares, by prioritizing your relationship with yourself, you won’t get lost in relationships with others - and she shares fascinating insights around this topic today.

Jun 07, 2017
Episode 153: Listener Q & A on anxiety and what to do about it
57:45

http://yourkickasslife.com/153

 

Hi ass kickers,

Today is a Listener Q & A day! Thank you so much to those of you who’ve submitted questions for the podcast. We have two today, so let’s get started:

The first Q is from Stacey:

Hi Andrea,

I absolutely love your book and your podcast. As a 25 year old with loads of anxiety, I have gained a ton of knowledge and also a great sense of support with your community.

I've been seeing a therapist for a year, and I definitely have found myself  obsessing over emotions and feelings when my sessions begin and end. Have you ever stopped therapy to take a break? It sometimes makes me feel like I put so much focus on feelings that I obsess over them and lose the rational side of myself.

The answer I give covers, anxiety and what to do about that, self-trust and much more. Listen in to hear my answer/experience/advice!

For the second Q, I bring my one of my dearest friends, Kate Anthony, (you may remember her from another listener Q & A on divorce and heartbreak). This question comes from a listener named Amy:

I would love a podcast about what it really means and looks like to be with your feelings. I alternate between numbing and anxiety that can go into full blown panic attacks. It’s causing problems at work and more importantly my marriage. I'm not as patient with my kids and really just don't want to deal with anything at all. Why can't there be a 12-step to dealing with depression and anxiety? What do I do next?
I'm working on yoga and meditation, and exercise a least 4x a week. To the outside world I'm strong, calm and have the ideal life. I have lost two people very close to me. My sister two years ago and not even a year ago my stepdad passed away who I considered my father. I really don't want to take medication. I have always been a worrier and people pleaser.

In addressing this question, Kate and I talk about:

  • Why just yoga, meditation, and exercise are probably not working for Amy.
  • Medication-- should she take it or not?
  • What happens when you don’t feel your feelings, like grief?
  • HOW to actually feel your feelings? We give two tools to start with.

My immense thanks to these two podcast listeners for submitting their questions. Your courage is inspiring and helps others. If you’d like to submit a question to the podcast, you can shoot an email to support@yourkickasslife.com with “question for the podcast” in the subject line.

May 31, 2017
Episode 152: Food, desire, and you
42:25

http://yourkickasslife.com/152

 

Hey Ass-Kickers!

In this episode I’m joined by Alexandra Jamieson, who is on a mission to start a happiness pandemic in the USA. How you ask? Alex aims to inspire women to fall in love with their bodies and play life by her own rules! You may recognize Alex from her co-starring role in the massively popular 2004 documentary, Super Size Me. She’s here today to share her experiences and knowledge about the different types of cravings we get as women, and to educate us on why listening to our bodies is absolutely necessary.

 

May 24, 2017
Episode 151: How to Make Your Dreams Come True
25:39

http://yourkickasslife.com/151

Today’s post/episode could have been titled simply, “Tips to Live a Better Life” -- it simply is tips on how to make your life better, more peaceful, and yes, how to make your dreams come true. So, here they are, in no particular order...

  • Be okay with where you are right now. You may feel like you’re faaaar away from where you want to be. Instead of focusing on how much X, Y, and Z sucks, try focusing on what you want, how you’re going to change where you are, and how grateful you are for what you DO have. Total, complete change of focus. You’ll be amazed at how things change just by shifting your mindset while you work on changing your circumstances.
  • Hold steadfast to what you want and WHY you want it. Why do you want to own your own business? Why do you want to take a trip to Europe? Why do you want to finish your Masters? What will you get out of doing these things? Figure out the whys and then look for how you can fulfill those feelings now in your life. For example, if it’s freedom that you want out of your goals, think about ways you can feel free now. De-clutter your house? Running through fields of flowers with your arms outstretched? It may be on a much smaller scale, but you’re fulfilling a core feeling that’s truly important to your soul. Feed it!
  • Surround yourself with awesomeness. Your physical environment is imperative to your dream life. Like I always say, surround yourself with assholes and you’re in for a shitty life (Tweet that!). This goes for people and your surroundings. Do you love your bedroom? Is the inside of your car a wreck and you hate it? Do you loathe all of your clothes? Well then for the love of Pete change it! It’s a lot easier to feel good about yourself when you’re surrounded with what and who you love.
  • Clean up your messes. Basically, say you’re sorry if you’ve been a shit. I apologize to my kids about once a week. About the same to my husband. This may seem unrelated to making your dreams come true but this one is about peace. When you clean up your messes you have peace. And when you have peace you open up doors for what you want to enter.
  • Forgive those that have hurt you. Holding grudges and not forgiving those that have hurt you really is like setting yourself on fire and hoping the other person chokes on your smoke. You are the one that is suffering, not them. Forgiving someone else (even when they don’t ask for it and may never know that you did) is all about you loving yourself enough to know that you can’t change the past. That’s it.
  • Deal with your shit. We ALL have issues, so get help for it. Even those people you think are perfect that sprinkle glitter smiles all over the place— somewhere in their life they have issues with parents, trauma, relationships, something. You are no exception. There is no shortage of help out there. That stuff doesn’t go away on its own and your dreams coming true are dependent on it.
May 17, 2017
Episode 150: The importance of Dream Plus Do
51:21

http://yourkickasslife.com/150

Hey Ass Kickers!

Today’s guest on the podcast is Lisa Steadman, a long-time friend of mine and all-around awesome lady. Her energy is infectious and I’m sure you’ll love her! In this episode we’re talking all about happiness, and embracing the spot that you’re currently in. Lisa shows us that you can be happy with where you are in life, but still that doesn’t mean that you’re finished growing or changing either.

May 10, 2017
Episode 149: 5 Signs you need to make a change
25:50

http://yourkickasslife.com/149

 

I believe people change for two reasons: Pleasure and/or pain. They see something they want or want more of, and they go after it. And sometimes, they get to a place where they cannot stand for one more day being where they are, so they move out of the situation. Sometimes it looks like taking action, sometimes it’s inner-work, many times it’s a combo of the two.

And there are the type of people who are feeling anywhere from uncomfortable to downright shitty in their life, and maybe they don’t know why. So, I’ve compiled a list of signs that are huge red flags that it’s time to make a change. Check off as needed…

1. You’re ridiculously envious of other people lives. You think everyone has it better and easier than you do. You want a marriage like your neighbor. You want to love your job like your sister does. You want a more fun life like that one lady on Facebook. You want to dance like the Solid Gold dancers of 1979. Whatever it is you’re envying, it means you want something more in your life. That you admire something about that other person. So, why can’t you have it? If you think you can’t, I call bullshit. Your commitment to “can’t” is simply a story you’re tied to. Divorce that story and marry a new one. Seriously, you guys, it’s ALL about the story you tell yourself.

2. You’re feeling resentful. I.e. pissed. Frustrated. Irritated. Resentments are a sure sign that a few different things might be happening in your life.

  1. There’s a failure to communicate somewhere. Solution: You have the power to show up and say your truth. Has that happened? Guess whose responsibility that is?
  2. Boundaries may be crossed. Solution: First- have they been established previously? If not, that’s on you.
  3. Tied into the other two, you’re tolerating something that very well may have the ability to be changed. Solution: Either change it, or change your story around it.

3. You’re numbing out. We all want to feel relief fast. Sometimes that relief comes in spending money, drinking booze, or losing ourselves playing Candy Crush Saga. But, what are you avoiding when you’re numbing out on a regular basis? Is it your marriage? Your fears? Your insecurities?

For me, I used to numb out when I was overwhelmed. Perfectionism and control ruled me and since neither were ever something I could attain, I felt worse about myself. So, I drank, shopped, and dieted in an attempt to gain perfection and control and to numb the feelings of failure and fear. And then I felt worse and the cycle started all over again. I was avoiding my real feelings (surrender, acceptance, and vulnerability scared the holy shit out of me) rather than facing and feeling them. But clearly, it was time for a change.

Facing your issues instead of numbing out is scary, I get it. But the truth is that it DOES NOT go away if you just ignore it. In fact, it gets worse. I cannot encourage you enough to just deal with it.

4. You’re trying to change everyone else, or at least think everyone else needs to change. If everyone would just do as you say, and stop doing this and that, and just STFU, your life would be better. Ahhhhhh…..

Truth: Everyone else’s shit is not about you. Deal with your own and keep your side of the street clean. I can’t tell you how much better my own life has become since I realized this and stopped (by no means mastered. More like one day at a time) running around like a lunatic trying to change, fix, tweak, and control other people and my circumstances. What needs to be changed in your life is you dealing with your own issues instead of everyone else’s. Trying to “fix” everyone else while ignoring your own life is a chicken-shit way to feel better. (TWEET THAT!) And it doesn’t work. So, face your own stuff and make that therapy appointment. (And P.S. while you’re there watch out for spending the whole hour complaining about everyone else.)

5. Your intuition is telling you that you need to make a change. This one sounds like a no-brainer, but I had to add it. You may already be at that place where your gut and heart are telling you to draw the damn line in the sand already and change, but you may not be listening. The fear of change trumps the fear of staying the same. But, ask yourself:

How scary is it to be in this same place 5, 10, or 20 years from now? Still not as scary as changing?

Your intuition is your subconscious mind that always has your back, always knows what’s best for you, and always wants to lead you to a place of happiness and fulfillment. But, the journey is many times unknown and crazy-scary so we ignore it or go in the opposite direction. So tell me, when has ignoring your intuition ever worked out for you?

So, there you have it. And if you liked this post, I'd love for you to share it. Because you never know who might need a change.

May 03, 2017
Episode 148: The modern day priestess
57:41

http://yourkickasslife.com/148

Hey Ass Kickers!

On today’s podcast I’m joined by Julie Parker, CEO and Founder of The Beautiful You Coaching Academy (with 200 trained life coaches from around the world and growing by the hundreds every year)!

As you’ll see, Julie has a fascinating journey and insights on self-love. She’s is a modern day Priestess and she’s going to share what this is all about, along with how it ties into the divine female that we’ve been repressing for so long. Even if you’re new (like me) to what the whole “Priestess” thing is-- I think you’ll like this episode :)

Apr 26, 2017
Episode 147: Are you half-assing your personal development
36:26

http://www.yourkickasslife.com/147

 

Today’s episode is about your personal development journey and what it looks like. More specifically, for people who maybe like to “hoard” or collect personal development tools, but not use them. Or people who join personal development classes, read books, and listen to podcasts, but take no action.

And the reasons are plenty-- you’re just not ready. Maybe you’re scared it won’t work for you, scared of the uncomfortableness of the work or not committed enough to change.

To be fair-- most people spend some time in that place of collecting personal growth ideas and tools and doing nothing with them. But...are you living there?

This episode will help you see if you’re doing this, let you know you’re normal, as well as what personal development actually looks like. Because it’s one thing to say, “I want a kick-ass life!” But...what does that really mean?

And of course, wherever you are is perfect for you! It’s the awareness that’s the win! I hope you enjoyed this week’s episode as much as I enjoyed recording it for you ;)

Oh, and P.S...there’s an extra bit in the beginning about facing my birthday while grieving my father's death. I always try to give you a bit of real life.

If you’re ready to JUMP IN to your personal development, I invite you to join us one last time as I guide you through The 30-Day Experience. We’ll look at your core belief system (the beliefs that are fueling your negative self-talk), your habits that are making you feel like shit (the perfectionism, people pleasing, numbing out, isolating, you know...good ol’ self-sabotage). Learn how to be kind to yourself, have more self-confidence and have better relationships with the people you care about.

Apr 19, 2017
Episode 146: shedding light on the feminine conditioning
49:25

http://yourkickasslife.com/146

Today I welcome back a recurring guest of the podcast, my dear friend Jo Casey. Jo joined us in a previous episode of Your Kick-Ass Life to talk about the business of life coaching, but today, we’re looking at something different: How women are conditioned by our culture to be “acceptable women.”


Jo’s going to shed some light on what she calls “feminine conditioning.” Why are women so afraid to be different, and what role has society played in vilifying us? Is there a box that we’re supposed to fit into, and if so, how is being in it holding us back?

If these are things you’ve often wondered about, then you’re going to be enlightened by Jo and the powerful message she shares with us today!

Apr 12, 2017
Episode 145: Characteristics of People That Play Big
17:40

http://yourkickasslife.com/145

 

 

The term “Play Big” gets thrown around like crazy lately. And you might wonder—what does that even mean or look like? How do you know if you’re playing small? I know this firsthand because I played small for most of my life. It wasn’t until I fell flat on my face and rebuilt my life did I see what was happening and how to change it (and the best part was that *I* was totally in charge).

I thought about the foundation to what it is to actually live a big life. So, here’s a list of in my experience, what it looks like to Play Big:

  1. People that play big don’t give a shit what other people think of their dreams and goals. They may listen and take it in, but at the end of the day they do what they feel in their hearts is what they want.
  2. People that play big are in touch with what they want on the OTHER side of their goals. In other words, they tap into the feeling they really want from what it is they’re after. You want a promotion? Think about what that will bring you, what you’ll feel like when you get it. Accomplishment, validation, recognition, achievement, power. Any of those you want? (And btw- it’s totally fine to want things like power.) These are your values and when you honor them, you’re playing big.
  3. People that play big don’t apologize for what they want. Ever. (Tweet that)
  4. People that play big strive to be the best and biggest version of themselves. They get help with their issues. They take responsibility for their lives. They focus on self improvement as if their life depends on it. Because it does.
  5. People that play big are of service to others. They’re mentors, they’re philanthropists, they’re generous with their knowledge. No one really gets anywhere for long by being a selfish asshole.
  6. People that play big take action like crazy. They don’t sit around and blow smoke out their asses about it, or wait until it’s perfect, or need to get everyone’s opinion/approval on it. They just go for it. And if it fails they pick up the pieces and move on.
  7. People that play big are fully aware that it’s more about mindset than it is action. Yes, taking action important and great, but in order to get there you must get your head in the game first. They don’t believe they are different or less-than the people they admire. They see the people they want to emulate and know deep down they can do that too.

There is no guarantee things will work out  the way you envision when you do get out there and play big but you must understand that if you wait years or decades to go after what you want, to “play big” until you feel like you finally “have what it takes” you might be waiting forever. Yes, it’s uncomfortable to stretch and go after the big things you want, but  the alternative is to do nothing. And doing nothing and someday regretting your decision is going to be WAAAAAY more uncomfortable than trying to step outside of your comfort zone now.

There is still time to join us for the 7-Day Courage Challenge! Join the hundreds of women already signed up for a week of learning how to manage your negative self-talk and how to cultivate self-compassion and courage. Click this link to sign up.

Apr 05, 2017
Episode 144: Think you have a “life balance” problem?
12:29

http://yourkickasslife.com/144

 

Mini-sode 144 is all about negative self-talk.

Because you don’t have a “life balance” problem.

You don’t have a “not promoted enough” problem.

You don’t have an “I don’t work out enough” problem.

You have a problem with the way you speak to yourself.

In this episode I tell you about my experience learning how to manage my own negative self-talk, and how I came to find out about it just as my life fell apart in 2007.

Join us on April 3rd as I host the wildly popular FREE 7-Day Courage Challenge! Hundreds of women just like you. 10 minutes a day. Learn how to change your life. Click here to join us.

Mar 31, 2017
Episode 143: Breathing for freedom with Kathleen Booker
37:56

http://yourkickasslife.com/143

Hey there Ass Kickers!

I’m so excited for you to meet my guest today, Kathleen Booker. I met Kathleen over a year ago and I’m excited to finally have her on the podcast to introduce you to her as well. She’s an inspirational coach whose energy has been described as “infectious” (and you’ll know why after hearing her speak today)!

Kathleen is passionate about something that many of us might not even give a second thought to during the day: our breathing. She knows first-hand the energy, peace and joy that something so simple can create in our lives, and she’s going to share her knowledge on this topic with us today.