Death, Sex & Money

By WNYC Studios

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Goes straight at topics that most of us are too timid to ask

Description

Death, Sex & Money is a podcast about the big questions and hard choices that are often left out of polite conversation. Host Anna Sale talks to celebrities you've heard of—and to regular people you haven't—about the Big Stuff: relationships, money, family, work and making it all count while we're here. WNYC Studios is a listener-supported producer of other leading podcasts including Radiolab, Snap Judgment, On the Media, Nancy, Death-Sex & Money, Here’s the Thing with Alec Baldwin and many others. © WNYC Studios

Episode Date
E. Jean Carroll: More Interesting, Not Damaged
31:07
<p>When writer E. Jean Carroll first arrived in New York City in the early 1980s, she says she was "a nobody from nowhere." Even so, she headed straight for Elaine's, the legendary restaurant on the Upper East Side where writers, celebrities and other power brokers gathered—and she says she always felt like she belonged there.</p> <p>Over the course of her long career, she became known first for her incisive profile interviews and investigative pieces, and then later for her particular brand of tough-love advice, which she's doled out in her Elle magazine advice column for the past 26 years. But in the past few months, her name has been in the news for a different reason: she accused the president, among many other men, of sexual assault in her latest book, <em>What Do We Need Men For.</em></p> <p>I spoke with her about the years she spent learning to brush past those traumas, the parts of those coping strategies she says have continued to be helpful, and why she now says she doesn't want to live like a "chin-up girl" anymore. </p>
Sep 18, 2019
50 Years Married To A Man Named Sissy
32:30
<p>Douglas, Wyoming, natives Vickie and Sissy Goodwin got married in 1968. It was around the time they started their lives together that Vickie learned of a secret Sissy had been harboring since childhood—a preference for feminine clothing and cross-dressing in private. When Sissy decided to start wearing skirts, dresses and frills in public a few years into their marriage, Vickie struggled to accept it. And the couple quickly learned that Sissy's self-acceptance came with an often violent public backlash, both at home in Douglas and elsewhere.</p> <p>We visited Vickie and Sissy at their home, for a conversation about masculinity, resiliency and staying married for 50 years. </p> <div class="embedded-image" style="max-width: 800px;"><img class="mcePuppyImage" src="https://media.wnyc.org/i/800/600/l/80/2019/09/IMG_0243.JPG" alt=""> <div class="image-metadata"> <div class="image-caption">Vickie and Sissy Goodwin at their home in Douglas, Wyoming</div> <div class="image-credit">(Katie Bishop)</div> </div> </div> <p> </p> <div class="embedded-image" style="max-width: 800px;"><img class="mcePuppyImage" src="https://media.wnyc.org/i/700/700/l/80/2019/09/7664493794_4bdccb0c30_o.jpg" alt=""> <div class="image-metadata"> <div class="image-caption">The World's Largest Jackalope in Douglas, Wyoming</div> <div class="image-credit">(Flickr/Ken Mickles)</div> </div> </div> <p> </p>
Sep 11, 2019
Raphael Saadiq: Music Had To Be My Therapy
24:56
<p><span></span><span>Raphael Saadiq's career took off as a member of the R&amp;B trio Tony! Toni! Toné!—a group whose music taught me, a pre-teen at the time, a thing or two about romance and sexiness. He left that group in the mid-'90s, launching a successful solo career and co-writing and producing music with everyone from Solange and Mary J. Blige to John Legend and D'Angelo. </span></p> <p><span>Raphael's latest solo album is titled</span><span> <em>Jimmy Lee—</em>named after an older brother who died of a heroin overdose years ago. I talk with him about how he's dealt with family deaths over the years, about paying off his studio, and about what his love life looks today, in his mid-50s. </span></p> <div class="embedded-image" style="max-width: 800px;"><img class="mcePuppyImage" src="https://media.wnyc.org/i/800/680/l/80/2019/08/RS.jpg" alt=""> <div class="image-metadata"> <div class="image-caption">Anna Sale and Raphael Saadiq</div> <div class="image-credit">(Katie Bishop)</div> </div> </div> <hr> <p><em><a href="https://open.spotify.com/playlist/1bthcbr8cUf4p3ORqFPFEh">Listen to Anna's Spotify playlist of her favorite Raphael Saadiq songs and collaborations here.</a> </em></p>
Sep 04, 2019
My Stillbirth During Anna's Maternity Leave
29:13
<p>Pregnancy loss happens a lot. Of women who know they’re pregnant, 10 to 15 percent will have a miscarriage before 20 weeks. After that point, pregnancy loss is called a stillbirth. One in 100 pregnancies ends that way. That's what happened to a listener named Krystal, who lost her son Everett this past spring at full term.</p> <p>A few months after her son died, Krystal sent us an email with the subject line, "My stillbirth during Anna's maternity leave." She wrote about how her son's death had left her feeling really isolated, and changed. "I still feel as if I'm in a vacuum and looking out at the world with no more sense of self," she wrote. "<span>It’s incomprehensible and earth-shattering. I can’t explain how out of sorts it makes me feel</span>."</p> <p>W<span>e get a lot of emails from you about pregnancy loss—and the culture of silence around it. </span>So I asked Krystal if she'd talk with me about her experience: what happened the night she delivered her son, how it feels to be in a postpartum body while grieving, and how she and her husband are taking care of themselves—and their older child—now.</p> <hr> <p><em>If you want to hear more conversations about pregnancy loss, we've got a few recommendations of other podcasts to listen to <a href="https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1aRIUb-91RK8hidaYHwSo5QzIno3tuiXsX4RZZFLEwxI/edit?usp=sharing">here</a>. They're part of a <a href="https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1aRIUb-91RK8hidaYHwSo5QzIno3tuiXsX4RZZFLEwxI/edit?usp=sharing">collaborative</a></em><em><a href="https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1aRIUb-91RK8hidaYHwSo5QzIno3tuiXsX4RZZFLEwxI/edit?usp=sharing"> spreadsheet</a> where you can also suggest the books, podcasts, songs and other things that have helped you grieve if you've experienced pregnancy loss.</em></p>
Aug 28, 2019
How Are You "Surfing The Urge" To Drink?
6:04
<p>In our episode <a href="https://www.wnycstudios.org/story/drinking-death-sex-money">featuring your stories about drinking</a>, our listener Rachel told us about realizing she'd slipped into a nightly drinking habit<span>—</span>and trying to curb some of her desire to drink.<span> "Yo</span><span>u have to kind of</span><span> surf the urge," she explained. "R</span><span>ecognize that it's there, breathe into it, surf it out, try to distract yourself." </span></p> <p><span>We asked you all to tell us how you "surf the urge"—what gets you through those times when you're arguing with yourself about whether to drink or not? From french fries to soccer leagues to pot, here's what you told us. </span></p> <p> </p> <hr> <p><em>If you missed our episode about the ways drinking is and isn't working for you, <a href="https://www.wnycstudios.org/story/drinking-death-sex-money">go back and check it out</a>. And if you're worried about the way you—or someone else in your life—are drinking, we've gathered <a href="https://www.wnycstudios.org/story/resources-drinking-death-sex-money?tab=summary">a list of resources</a> that might be helpful for you.</em></p> <p> </p>
Aug 14, 2019
Michael Arceneaux On Love, Liquid Courage And Letting Go
24:51
<p>When writer Michael Arceneaux was in his early 20s, he went to a gay club for the first time<span>—</span>after years of being closeted and denying his sexuality. "I enter a space and I just look at everything and I just get so caught up in my head," he told me. "But once you get the liquor you're like, oh, stop thinking, just go twerk." </p> <p>Michael said that night was "the first time I actually felt joy with that part of myself." But despite finding alcohol to be a helpful way to let go of his inhibitions, drinking is complicated for Michael. Growing up, he says that his father would often become physically abusive when he drank too much. And Michael knows that he too is capable of extreme anger while drinking. "I am still human and thus susceptible to falling into patterns of those who have come before me," Michael says. "I'm reminded that [drinking] can lead to something else." </p> <hr> <p><em>In 2018, Michael wrote a piece for The New York Times Opinion section called The Student Loan Serenity Prayer, about his student loan debt. <a href="https://www.nytimes.com/2018/02/10/opinion/sunday/student-loans-survive-emotions.html">Read it here.</a> </em></p>
Aug 07, 2019
Bottled Up: Your Stories About Drinking
39:57
<p>It can sometimes feel like alcohol—whether you're drinking it or not—is an intrinsic element of navigating adulthood. After all, over 70 percent of American adults drink. We take drinking so much for granted that we often fail to really engage with the role it's playing in our lives. "<span>It’s been a piece of everything since we’ve turned 21, or 18," a listener named Cari told us. "We've always had a drink or been drinking when we’ve been at parties. </span><span>And it’s so funny that I’m 34, and that <em>is</em> a worry: that if I weren’t drinking, maybe the party would move to someone else’s house."</span></p> <p>We asked you to share your experiences with alcohol<span>—why you drink or don't, the strategies you use to manage your consumption, and what alcohol brings you besides a buzz. </span>And we learned that our feelings about alcohol are much more complicated than we tend to acknowledge. This week, we share some of your stories.</p> <hr> <p><em>If you or someone you know is struggling with alcohol or seeking more information about alcohol consumption, <a href="https://www.wnycstudios.org/story/resources-drinking-death-sex-money">check out these resources</a>.</em></p>
Jul 31, 2019
Resources for Problem Drinking
<p><a href="https://www.aa.org/pages/en_US">Alcoholics Anonymous</a>: Alcoholics Anonymous is an international resource which connects individuals who have/had a drinking problem. Alcohol Anonymous uses a twelve step approach to recovery and wellness with regular group meetings.</p> <p><a href="https://www.samhsa.gov/find-help/national-helpline">Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration</a>: The Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration offers information and resources around a number of different substances including alcohol. Call their help line (1-800-662-HELP (4357)) to be connected with assistance for seeking help and treatment options. </p> <p><a href="https://al-anon.org/">Al-Anon Family Groups</a>: Al-Anon is a support group for people with a loved one who is affected by alcohol, regardless of whether or not the loved one has admitted to a problem or is seeking help for their addiction. Al-Anon also offers special assistance and support for teens with loved ones with an alcohol addiction. </p> <p><a href="https://womenforsobriety.org/">Women For Sobriety:</a> A non-profit organization catering to women seeking recovery for substance use disorders. Women for Sobriety has "certified moderators and chat leaders leading mutual support groups online and in person, as well as phone volunteers available for one-on-one support." They welcome all expressions of female identity. </p> <p><a href="https://www.smartrecovery.org/">Self-Managing and Recovery Training</a>: SMART recovery offers assistance to a broad range of addictive behaviors and substances, including alcohol. Using social support groups and a variety of other tools such as self-assessments and worksheets, SMART Recovery utilizes a "self-empowering" approach for treatment. </p>
Jul 31, 2019
Rashema Melson's Weakest Yet Bravest Moments
26:03
<p>In early May, we got an email from Rashema Melson. <a href="https://www.wnycstudios.org/story/rashema-death-sex-money">I'd first met her in 2015</a>, in her dorm's common room at Georgetown University, where she was adjusting to life on campus after living in a Washington, D.C. homeless shelter in high school. Soon after we met, she got married and dropped out. <a href="https://www.wnycstudios.org/story/rashema-melson-update-death-sex-money">I talked with her again two years later</a>, in 2017, when she'd decided to end her marriage and go back to college.</p> <p>Now, Rashema was reaching out to tell us that she was graduating from Georgetown<span>—</span>and that she'd recently listened back to her "weakest yet bravest moments" captured on the show. I talk with Rashema about what she's doing now, post-graduation<span>—</span>and I hear about how her last two years on campus at Georgetown felt very different than her first two. </p>
Jul 24, 2019
A Brother, A Sister, And Their Eating Disorders
23:00
<p>Siblings Charlie* and Oscar* were always close growing up. But as they got older, there was one thing that they didn't talk together about: the way they eat. </p> <p>Both Charlie and Oscar struggle with different types of eating disorders<span>—</span>Charlie has struggled with bulimia, and Oscar has anorexia. Despite their closeness and years-long suspicions about each other's eating habits, it's taken a long time to open up about their difficulties with food to each other. When they finally had their first real conversation about it last summer, Charlie said it "felt like I was coming out."</p> <p>"This was finally like pointing a finger at it," Oscar responded. "And saying, 'This is a thing that exists.'"</p> <hr> <p> <em>Are you or someone you know struggling with an eating disorder? We've compiled resources <a href="https://www.wnycstudios.org/story/resources-eating-disorders">here</a>. </em></p> <p>*Names changed </p>
Jul 17, 2019
Resources for Eating Disorders
<p><em>If you are in crisis, text "NEDA" to 741741 to be connected with a volunteer at the Crisis Text Line. <br><br></em></p> <p><a href="https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/">The National Eating Disorders Association</a> is a non-profit which seeks to help individuals and families affected by eating disorders. They have several different resources on their web page including a <a href="https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/screening-tool">screening tool</a> which can help you determine if it’s time to seek professional help. They also provide a helpline <strong>(1-800-931-2237)</strong> where you can be connected with a trained volunteer. If you prefer to instant message, NEDA provides an online chat assistance service as well.  </p> <p><a href="https://anad.org/">The National Association of Anorexia Nervosa and Associated Disorders</a> is a non-profit which provides numerous resources for those affected by eating disorders. Along with their helpline <strong>(630-577-1330)</strong>, ANAD can connect you with a mentor in recovery or support groups in your area. They also offer training for loved ones to become <a href="https://anad.org/our-services/grocery-buddies/">‘grocery buddies’</a> who can assist with grocery shopping.  </p> <p><a href="https://www.mirror-mirror.org/">Mirror Mirror</a> offers information about various types of eating disorders and how they affect different subgroups (men, teenagers, etc.). They also have tips about how to tell someone you have an eating disorder, and how to select the right therapist for you.  <br><br><a href="https://www.feast-ed.org/">F.E.A.S.T.</a> is an online support community for parents and loved ones of people affected by an eating disorder. F.E.A.S.T. offers resources such as in-person support groups, online chats with other parents and downloadable <a href="https://www.feast-ed.org/family-guide-series/">family guides</a> to help you learn more about eating disorders.  </p> <p><a href="https://www.theprojectheal.org/">ProjectHEAL</a> is an organization committed to recovery for all. They offer resources such as mentorship programs, support groups, as well as a<a href="https://www.theprojectheal.org/treatment-access-program-1"> treatment access program</a> which offers grant money to receive high-quality clinical care to aid in recovery.  </p> <p><a href="https://oa.org/">Overeaters Anonymous</a> follows a Twelve-Step program patterned after Alcoholics Anonymous. It offers "physical, emotional and spiritual recovery for those who suffer from compulsive eating."</p>
Jul 17, 2019
When Work Changes, So Do We
22:43
<p>Right after returning from six months of maternity leave, I sat down in the studio with Uma Kondabolu. Uma's been on the show before with her comedian son Hari, but this time I wanted to talk with her one-on-one about big transitions in our work lives. Uma recently retired from the hospital lab where she worked for almost three decades, and as I was re-entering my job, I wanted to hear from her about leaving hers. </p>
Jul 10, 2019
Tayari Jones & Carrie Mae Weems: What's It Like Up There?
25:27
<p><span>Carrie Mae Weems always knew she was going to be an artist, but she didn't know she wanted to be a photographer until she got her first camera in her late teens. It was a gift from a boyfriend who turned out to be "manipulative," but it launched her into a career that's made her a MacArthur Fellow and the first black woman to have a retrospective at the Guggenheim Museum.</span></p> <p>As she tells this week's guest host, author<span> Tayari Jones, her professional drive has always been the barometer against which she's measured her personal relationships. "If I'm entering a relationship [and] struggling around notions of my ability to work, then it's not a relationship that I can stay in," she says. "I already see the handwriting is on the wall." Together, they talk about balancing that ambition with the relationships in their lives that matter. Plus, Carrie explains why she drank someone else's champagne on her wedding day.</span></p> <hr> <p><span><em>This episode is part of Death, Sex &amp; Money's 2019 Maternity Leave Lineup. Tayari Jones <a href="https://www.wnycstudios.org/story/death-sex-money-tayari-jones">first joined us on the show in 2018</a> to talk about the freedoms of singlehood, and the call from Oprah that changed everything for her.</em></span></p> <p> </p>
Jun 26, 2019
Sarah Smarsh & Nick Smarsh: Are You Different Than Me?
20:09
<div class="story__details"> <div id="ember1651" class="ember-view"> <div id="ember1652" class="article-tabs ivy-tabs nypr-tabs ember-view"> <div aria-hidden="false" id="ember1656" role="tabpanel" class="ivy-tabs-tabpanel active ember-view" aria-labelledby="ember1654" tabindex="0"> <div class="story__body"> <div id="ember1657" class="ember-view"> <div class="django-content"> <p>As a journalist and author, Sarah Smarsh has built her career around examining socioeconomic class. In 2018, her book <em>Heartland: A Memoir of Working Hard and Being Broke in the Richest Country on Earth </em>became a <em>New York Times</em> bestseller and <span>was a finalist for the 2018 National Book Award. </span></p> <p>Sarah grew up outside of Wichita, Kansas, and spent much of her childhood on her family's farm. The Farm Crisis during the 1980s led to her family leaving farming behind, and her dad, Nick, had to find work elsewhere<span>⁠—f</span>irst, he worked locally on construction crews; now, he puts up buildings for fast food chains in far-flung places like Mississippi and Texas. </p> <p>In this audio essay, Sarah interviews her dad about the changes he's endured throughout his lifetime, and about how, at 63, he thinks about his future as someone who builds things with his hands. </p> <hr> <p><em>This episode is part of Death, Sex &amp; Money's 2019 Maternity Leave Lineup. </em></p> </div> </div> </div> </div> </div> </div> </div>
Jun 19, 2019
Mahershala Ali & Rafael Casal: Envy Is A Hell Of A Drug
25:44
<p>Today, Mahershala Ali is an Oscar-winning actor who lands leading roles in TV shows like <em>True Detective</em> and Hollywood blockbusters like <em>Green Book</em>. But he got his start as a poet-turned-rapper in the Bay Area, where he grew up. </p> <p>Rafael Casal is another Bay Area poet and musician who recently made his big screen debut in the movie <em>Blindspotting, </em>which he co-wrote and co-starred in with his creative partner, Daveed Diggs. "We put a movie out and everyone back home thinks I'm on," Rafael says. "And I'm like, that was an indie movie. I lost money."</p> <p>Mahershala interviews Rafael about his childhood as a "knucklehead," his life-changing discovery of slam poetry when he was a teenager, and how he and Daveed handle uncomfortable discussions about money and creative credit. </p> <hr> <p><em>This episode is part of Death, Sex &amp; Money's 2019 Maternity Leave Lineup. Mahershala Ali first joined us on Death, Sex &amp; Money in 2016, along with his wife, Amatus. <a href="https://www.wnycstudios.org/story/mahershala-ali-death-sex-money">Hear their conversation</a> about faith, love and success, taped live in Brooklyn. </em></p>
Jun 12, 2019
Alia Shawkat & Esther Perel: Life In Our 30s, And 60s
26:06
<p>Actor Alia Shawkat just turned 30, and she's got some questions about what's coming around the corner in this decade. So this week, she talks with Belgian-born psychotherapist Esther Perel about what that period of time was like in <em>her</em> life<span>—when she had just moved to the U.S., gotten married, and was figuring out the "pleasure and the pride" of making it on her own financially. Plus, they talk about adult friendships, and why it's important to stay in touch with people from all the different decades of your life. </span></p> <hr> <p><em>Alia Shawkat first appeared on Death, Sex &amp; Money in 2017 for our live show in Los Angeles, called <a href="https://www.wnycstudios.org/story/werk-it-live-death-sex-money">Life In Our 20s</a>. The episode also features Niecy Nash, and includes questions from listeners about how to navigate the first decade of officially being an adult.</em></p> <p> </p>
Jun 05, 2019
Tressie McMillan Cottom & Trevor Noah: Optimistic and Depressed
25:02
<p>When Trevor Noah started hosting <em>The Daily Show</em> in 2016, he says he told his head writer early on that he might sometimes be late to work. "I'm suffering from depression and sometimes I do not see the purpose of getting out of my bed or living life," he says he told him. "And he was like, 'Wait, what?'" </p> <p>Trevor and guest host Dr. Tressie McMillan Cottom talk about why radical honesty around mental health can be liberating. Plus, they talk about Trevor's feelings of being an outsider growing up in apartheid South Africa, about why he believes another black man will be elected president of the United States before a woman, and about how he got so good at doing hair. </p> <hr> <p><em>Sociologist Dr. Tressie McMillan Cottom first joined us on Death, Sex &amp; Money in 2017 to discuss student loan debt during our live call-in. Hear that, and our two-part series featuring your stories about student loan debt, <a href="https://project.wnyc.org/death-sex-money-podcast-student-loans/">here</a>. </em></p>
May 22, 2019
Al Letson & Nikole Hannah-Jones: Sensitive, Not Scared
30:40
<p>Journalist Nikole Hannah-Jones spends time in some pretty elite spaces—she's a staff writer at <em>The New York Times Magazine</em>, the recipient of a MacArthur "genius" grant, and a force to be reckoned with on Twitter. But, as she tells Al Letson (host of <em>Reveal</em>), she's careful not to forget her roots in Waterloo, Iowa, and the people there who raised her. "The benefit of being a working class black girl who has spent a lot of time around more affluent white people is you do quickly learn they're actually not really smarter than you," she says. "They just have had advantages of things and opportunities that you haven't had." This week, the two of them talk about Nikole's childhood growing up in a biracial family, reporting on inequality from a place of anger, and what happened when she tried therapy last year.</p> <hr> <p><em>You can find episodes of </em>Reveal<em>, the podcast from The Center for Investigative Reporting, <a href="https://www.revealnews.org/episodes/">here</a>. And you can r</em><em>ead Nikole's essay for </em>The New York Times Magazine<em> about choosing a school for her daughter <a href="https://www.nytimes.com/2016/06/12/magazine/choosing-a-school-for-my-daughter-in-a-segregated-city.html">here</a>. </em></p>
May 15, 2019
Jason Isbell & Will Welch: Somebody Needs Me
30:03
<p>Singer-songwriter Jason Isbell and GQ editor-in-chief Will Welch met in 2004, at what Jason says was "the lowest point of my life." Since then, the two long-distance friends have seen each other through divorce, new marriages, career climbs, a cancer diagnosis and rehab. Jason quit drinking in 2012, and Will followed suit two years later<span>—starting</span> by calling Jason at a breaking point. "You getting sober was a big deal for me," Jason says during their conversation. "It was the first time in my sobriety that I felt like, oh shit, somebody needs me and I can help." </p> <hr> <p><em>Jason Isbell and his wife, Amanda Shires, were interviewed by host Anna Sale on the show in May 2014. Listen to that episode, "Confessions of a Nashville Power Couple" <a href="https://www.wnycstudios.org/story/confessions-of-a-nashville-power-couple">here</a>, and listen to the duo taking your live calls about breakups, relationships, creativity and loss <a href="https://www.wnycstudios.org/story/jason-isbell-amanda-shires-live-death-sex-money">here</a>. </em></p>
May 08, 2019
Damon Young & Kiese Laymon: The "Good Dude" Closet
27:32
<p>Writers Damon Young and Kiese Laymon both are on book tour, promoting their acclaimed memoirs. And while they've been friends via social media for years, they'd never met face to face before recording a conversation for Death, Sex &amp; Money. The two sat down together to talk about basketball and body image, money anxieties, and why being a "good dude" might be more about fear than anything else. </p> <hr> <p><em>Damon Young is the co-founder and editor-in-chief of Very Smart Brothas, and the author of "What Doesn't Kill You Makes You Blacker". Kiese Laymon is a professor of English and Creative Writing at the University of Mississippi, and the author of "Heavy: An American Memoir".</em></p> <p><em>Audio excerpts courtesy of Simon &amp; Schuster Audio from HEAVY by Kiese Laymon, read by the author. Copyright © 2018 by Kiese Laymon. Reprinted by permission of Simon &amp; Schuster, Inc.</em></p>
Apr 24, 2019
John Cameron Mitchell & Marilyn Maye: I Will Survive
28:13
<p>When singer Marilyn Maye turned 90, she celebrated on stage in New York City in a performance residency she called "90 At Last." Now 91, the Kansas-based jazz and cabaret legend talks with actor and <em>Hedwig and the Angry Inch</em> creator John Cameron Mitchell about continuing to work well past retirement age, loving and leaving alcoholic partners, and about what they both envision for the end of their lives. </p> <p><em>Special thanks to 54 Below for their help with this episode. </em></p> <hr> <p><em>John Cameron Mitchell was interviewed by host Anna Sale on the show in April 2015. <a href="https://www.wnycstudios.org/story/john-cameron-mitchell-death-sex-money">Listen to that episode, "Hedwig, Older and a Little Less Angry," here.</a> </em></p>
Apr 17, 2019
Lisa Ling & Awkwafina: Shut Up, Let Me Shine
26:17
<p>Awkwafina grew up Nora Lum in Queens, and was raised by her father and grandmother after her mother died when she was four years old. Guest host Lisa Ling talks with Awkwafina about how she coped with that loss by developing a sense of humor early on, and about why<span>—</span>despite feeling a lot of money anxiety<span>—</span>she isn't afraid to turn down high-paying gigs. </p> <hr> <p><em>Guest host Lisa Ling appeared on Death, Sex &amp; Money in 2017. <a href="https://www.wnycstudios.org/story/lisa-ling-has-regrets-death-sex-money">Listen back to her episode, "What Lisa Ling Regrets," here.</a></em></p>
Apr 10, 2019
The 2019 Maternity Leave Lineup
2:02
<p>Having a Death, Sex &amp; Money-style conversation isn't easy. It's long. It's intense. And it can get very awkward. In those moments when you might gloss over a sensitive topic, break the tension, and move on to the next question...you instead have to dig a little deeper. Get a little more personal.</p> <p>But our lineup of guest hosts<span>—</span>former show guests and some new folks, too<span>—</span>are up for the challenge. And while host Anna Sale finishes up her maternity leave, you'll get to listen in as they have tough conversations with the people they're most curious about. </p> <p>Among them: Journalist <strong>Lisa Ling</strong> talks with rapper and actor <strong>Awkwafina</strong> about losing her mom as a kid and finding unconditional love as an adult. <strong>John Cameron Mitchell</strong> interviews 91-year-old cabaret legend <strong>Marilyn Maye</strong> about her love affairs with alcoholic men and her fears about ending up in a nursing home. Writer<strong> Damon Young</strong> sits down with author <strong>Kiese Laymon</strong> to talk about body image and money anxieties. Americana singer <strong>Jason Isbell</strong> interviews GQ editor-in-chief (and his best friend) <strong>Will Welch</strong> about masculinity, mental health and their shared sobriety. </p> <p>These conversations and a whole lot more are coming to you starting this Wednesday, April 10. Don't miss them!</p> <div class="embedded-image" style="max-width: 800px;"><img class="mcePuppyImage" src="https://media.wnyc.org/i/800/1226/l/80/2019/04/Non-instagram.jpg" alt=""></div>
Apr 08, 2019
A Father and Daughter Talk About Layoffs
11:40
<p>We asked for <a href="https://wnyc.typeform.com/to/uOAMtA">your stories about layoffs,</a> and we heard from a lot of you<em>—</em>including a listener named Stephanie. She wrote in about her dad, Steve, who lost his job two years ago and has been looking for work ever since. She told us that they talk about work a lot together, so we asked if they'd continue that conversation and let us listen in.</p> <p> </p>
Mar 27, 2019
Daniel K. Isaac Is Opting For The Gray Area
26:50
<p>Actor Daniel K. Isaac grew up as the only child of a single immigrant mother. She's a devout Christian<span>—s</span>o the first time Daniel came out to her, it was to ask for her help to stop being gay. But in his late teens, after years spent voluntarily in conversion therapy, Daniel decided that he was done trying to fight his sexuality. And in the years since, accepting that part of himself has meant finding new ways to relate to his mom. </p>
Mar 20, 2019
José Andrés Googled ‘How To Be A Father’
25:57
<p>When Chef José Andrés moved from Spain to the U.S. in 1991, tapas weren't yet a thing on this side of the Atlantic. Jos<span>é</span> is credited with changing that. He opened his first restaurant in Washington, D.C. when he was just 23 years old, and today he has a thriving business empire with more than two dozen restaurants across the country. He's also become known in recent years for his disaster relief work, both in the U.S. and abroad. But figuring out life outside of the kitchen has been more of a challenge. Jos<span>é</span> talked to me about why he left home at a young age, and why he's sometimes felt less than confident when it comes to parenting his three daughters. </p>
Mar 06, 2019
When We Sent Our Son Away
22:42
<p>We first met Diane Gill Morris three years ago, when her two sons, Kenny and Theo, were in their early teens. Both of them are autistic, and Diane worried about where they would end up living—and who would end up caring for them—when they became adults. "When they were little, it was all about figuring out how to help them," Diane told us. "Now it’s, okay, this is who they are. I can continue to help them grow and evolve....But the hard part is just accepting that this is quite conceivably the rest of my life." </p> <p>We recently checked in with Diane, who moved with her entire family into a house that seemed perfect for them to live in together as they aged. But when her younger son, Theo, started having violent outbursts at home, their plan of continuing to care for him was thrown into question. </p> <hr> <p><em>Did you miss our first episode with Diane? <a href="https://www.wnycstudios.org/story/autism-diane-gill-morris-death-sex-money">Go back and listen.</a> Diane also guest hosted Death, Sex &amp; Money in 2016. Hear her conversation with two other parents of autistic children, including a police officer, <a href="https://www.wnycstudios.org/story/diane-gill-morris-robert-zink-death-sex-money">here</a>. </em></p>
Feb 20, 2019
Autism Isn't What I Signed Up For
28:04
<p>Diane Gill Morris was 25 when her first son, Kenny, was born. About 15 months later, she and her husband realized that he’d stopped talking. By the time Kenny was officially diagnosed with autism, Diane’s second son, Theo, was eight months old. Less than a year later, he was also showing signs of the disorder.</p> <p>Diane left a comment on our Facebook page in response to an article about people who are considering having kids. "I have sacrificed a huge part of who I am—given up my career, gone broke, accepted social isolation," she wrote. "If someone had told me this is what it would be like, I never would have had kids." </p> <hr> <p><em>We first shared this episode in December 2015. Diane also <a href="https://www.wnycstudios.org/story/diane-gill-morris-robert-zink-death-sex-money">guest hosted Death, Sex &amp; Money in 2016</a>. Tomorrow, look out for a new episode with Diane about what's happened since her sons have become young adults and she's faced new challenges as a caregiver. </em></p>
Feb 19, 2019
How Nikki Giovanni Finally Learned To Cry
29:04
<p><span>The legendary poet talks with host Anna Sale in front of a live audience about standing up to <span>her father,</span></span><span> surviving breast and lung cancer</span><span>,<span> </span></span><span>and why she now cries "over any damn thing." </span></p> <div class="embedded-image" style="max-width: 800px;"><img class="mcePuppyImage" src="https://media.wnyc.org/i/800/533/l/80/2019/01/NYPR_100118_0029.jpg" alt=""> <div class="image-metadata"> <div class="image-caption">Anna Sale and Nikki Giovanni, live in The Greene Space in New York City. </div> <div class="image-credit">(Matthew Septimus)</div> </div> </div> <p><span> </span></p>
Feb 06, 2019
Let's Talk About Porn Again
30:16
<p><span>We're revisiting our most-listened to episode ever, about porn. Your stories about secret hard drives, fantasy plot lines, illegal downloads, titillating Tumblr feeds and giving porn up completely.</span></p> <p><span><em>We're sharing this episode as part of our month-long series called Our Sex (Mis)Educations. <a href="http://www.deathsexmoney.org/sexed">Find the entire series here.</a></em></span></p>
Jan 23, 2019
How Do You Bring Up Your STI?
4:50
<p>This week, we put out <a href="https://www.wnycstudios.org/story/sexually-transmitted-secrets-sti-death-sex-money">an episode about sexually transmitted infections.</a> A lot of people featured in the episode talked about what happened after they told a potential partner about their STI. But we heard from a listener who wants to hear what those disclosure conversations <em>actually</em> sound like. And we do too! So we need your help. </p> <p><em>Find our entire series, Our Sex (Mis)Educations, <a href="https://www.wnycstudios.org/story/sex-ed-death-sex-money">here</a>.</em></p>
Jan 18, 2019
Sexually Transmitted Secrets
25:38
<p>One in 8 Americans has genital herpes, and rates of gonorrhea, syphilis and chlamydia are all climbing. But when we asked our listeners to tell us their stories about having an STI, what we heard about was how alone you can feel when you have one. </p> <p>Want to learn more? Check out our STI reading list <a href="https://www.wnycstudios.org/story/death-sex-money-sti-reading">here</a>.</p> <p><em>This episode is a part of our month-long series called Our Sex (Mis)Educations. <a href="https://www.wnycstudios.org/story/sex-ed-death-sex-money">Find the entire series here.</a></em></p>
Jan 16, 2019
More About STIs
<p>For a lot of us, the last time we learned anything about STIs was during a high school sex ed class—when we may or may not have been paying close attention. So we've compiled some reading recommendations for those of you who are curious to learn more. </p> <p>One of the big things that caught our attention while researching this episode was the fact that STI testing isn't universally recommended. For example, the CDC recommends against testing for herpes unless you have symptoms. There's a lengthy explanation of why that is <a href="https://jamanetwork.com/journals/jama/fullarticle/2593575">here</a>, but the short explanation is that the test isn't very accurate in asymptomatic people, and the health impacts of herpes are relatively minor. We also learned in our research that public health officials only encourage women and gay men to get tested for STIs regularly. This <a href="https://tonic.vice.com/en_us/article/xwgbma/straight-men-std-test-recommendations">VICE article</a> explains why.</p> <p>Another surprising fact that Debbie Bamberger, the nurse practitioner in our episode, shared with us is that the risk of herpes transmission to a partner is relatively low—<a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/1309413">one 1992 study</a> following couples showed it happened roughly 10 percent of the time. It's possible to reduce that risk by practicing safer sex. If you're looking for tips, we found this <a href="https://goaskalice.columbia.edu/answered-questions/oral-sex-and-herpes-triple-header">column</a> helpful, as well as this <a href="https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL3xP1jlf1jgLGmP1Dl6w_XoQ0pYs7ad_-">series of videos</a> from Planned Parenthood. </p> <p>Finally, Conor, one of the people featured in our episode who has herpes, told us he sends a "homework packet" to potential partners who want to know more about herpes after he tells them he has it. With his permission, we're sharing that email with you:</p> <blockquote> <p><em>"Hey, I said I would send you some more info, here are some links that I've used to inform myself about herpes!</em></p> <div><em>Dan Savage (listen to all his other stuff):</em></div> <div><em><a href="https://herpeslife.com/herpes-is-not-a-big-deal-dan-savage-love/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer" data-auth="NotApplicable" id="LPlnk513007" previewinformation="1">https://herpeslife.com/herpes-is-not-a-big-deal-dan-savage-love/</a></em></div> <div><em>Good longform blog:</em></div> <div><em><a href="https://www.thehairpin.com/2012/04/the-perks-of-herpes/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer" data-auth="NotApplicable">https://www.thehairpin.com/2012/04/the-perks-of-herpes</a></em></div> <div><em>This is (not) my TED Talk:</em></div> <div><em><a href="https://elladawson.com/herpes/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer" data-auth="NotApplicable">https://elladawson.com/herpes/</a></em></div> <div><em>This site has sooo much:</em></div> <div><em><a href="https://herpeslife.com/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer" data-auth="NotApplicable">https://herpeslife.com</a></em></div> <p><em>Thanks for asking and being interested in learning more!"</em></p> </blockquote> <p><em> </em></p>
Jan 16, 2019
So Many Sex Ed Fails
7:47
<p><span>You have a limited number of orgasms in life. Your penis will fall off if you get an infection. Kissing will get you pregnant. We asked you to share your "sex ed fails"—and you all had a lot to say. </span></p> <p><span><em>This episode is a part of our month-long series called Our Sex (Mis)Educations. <a href="https://www.wnycstudios.org/story/sex-ed-death-sex-money">Find the entire series here.</a></em></span></p>
Jan 14, 2019
I Wanted To Be A "Good Girl"
26:45
<p><span>Andrea grew up attending an evangelical church in Texas, where she was taught to abstain from sex until marriage and keep herself sexually "pure." That early sex education—and her decision to have premarital sex anyway—had long-lasting impact, well into her adulthood. </span></p> <p><em>This episode kicks off our month-long series called Our Sex (Mis)Educations. <a href="https://www.wnycstudios.org/story/sex-ed-death-sex-money">Find the entire series here.</a></em></p>
Jan 09, 2019
Our Sex (Mis)Educations
<p>We learn about sex from a lot of different sources—parents, friends, classes in school, pop culture, and even pornography. But as adults, many of us have had the experience of realizing that a lot of what we’ve learned did more harm than good. "I feel kind of cheated," one listener told us when we asked for stories about your sex ed fails. "These healthy, normal experiences I was having that I associated with shame and guilt, I could have avoided had I had better education."</p> <p><span>This month, </span><em><span>Death, Sex &amp; Money </span></em><span>is looking at our collective sex <em>mis</em>educations: the bedroom baggage we’ve carried around for years, the things we wish we’d learned instead, and the stigmas we still can’t shake.</span></p> <div class="nypr-pull-quote__wrapper"> <blockquote class="nypr-pull-quote"><em>There’s always this piece that I’m having to overcome. This little mental thing in the back of my mind.</em></blockquote> </div> <p>For a listener named Andrea, sex ed came from church. She grew up in an evangelical Christian community in Texas, where she was raised in the so-called "purity culture" that was popular in the 1990s. "I think the messaging [was] always that girls should behave themselves in a certain way," she told us. "Don’t be alone with a boy. Don’t dress in ways that might cause him to stumble [...] That message is burned into my brain." <a href="https://www.wnycstudios.org/story/purity-death-sex-money">In the first episode of this series</a>, Anna talks with Andrea about her on-again, off-again relationship with evangelical Christianity (including a period in her twenties when she worked for a church), and how she's still trying to find ease with sex and her body as an adult today.</p> <p><iframe frameborder="0" height="130" scrolling="no" src="https://www.wnyc.org/widgets/ondemand_player/deathsexmoney3/#file=/audio/json/897273/&amp;share=1" width="100%"></iframe></p> <p>But Andrea’s not the only one who’s trying to unlearn things she was taught about sex as a kid. When we asked you to tell us the most misguided things you learned about sex, we were overwhelmed by how much you had to share.</p> <p><em>     "Don’t kiss a boy or you might get pregnant."</em></p> <p><em>     "You have a limited number of orgasms in life."</em></p> <p><em>     "If you engage in sex, you’re going to contract a disease and your parts are going to fall off."</em></p> <p>For <a href="https://www.wnycstudios.org/story/sex-ed-fail-death-sex-money">the second episode of this series</a>, we’re bringing you a supercut of all those sex ed fails...so we can collectively free ourselves of them once and for all.</p> <p><iframe frameborder="0" height="130" scrolling="no" src="https://www.wnyc.org/widgets/ondemand_player/deathsexmoney3/#file=/audio/json/902640/&amp;share=1" width="100%"></iframe></p> <p><span>For <a href="https://www.wnycstudios.org/story/sexually-transmitted-secrets-sti-death-sex-money">the last episode of this series</a>, we’re talking sexually transmitted infections...because they affect a </span><em><span>lot</span></em><span> of us. 1 in 8 Americans has genital herpes. 40 percent of adults have HPV. And while the number of new HIV cases has remained steady in recent years, rates of gonorrhea, syphilis and chlamydia are all climbing. But when we asked you for your experiences of living with an STI, we heard over and over again how </span><em><span>alone </span></em><span>you can feel in your diagnosis. “There was a lot of shame and a lot of, you're untouchable —you're unlovable,” a listener named Conor told us about his experience of being diagnosed with herpes in his twenties. In the final episode of this series, we hear about the shame that can surround an STI diagnosis, the awkwardness many of us feel when disclosing one to potential partners, and how some of us are trying unlearning the stigmas we’re taught about what it actually means to be sexually healthy. </span></p> <p><iframe frameborder="0" height="130" scrolling="no" src="https://www.wnyc.org/widgets/ondemand_player/deathsexmoney3/#file=/audio/json/901719/&amp;share=1" width="100%"></iframe></p> <p>Also: How do you tell a potential partner about your STI?<strong> <a href="https://www.wnycstudios.org/story/sti-disclosures-death-sex-money">We want to hear from you!</a> </strong></p> <p>To wrap up our month-long look at our sex (mis)educations, we revisit <a href="https://www.wnycstudios.org/story/death-sex-money-lets-talk-about-porn-again">our conversation about the role that porn plays in your life</a>. For some of you, porn has helped you explore your sexuality. For others, it's become a problem. Hear your stories about secret hard drives, fantasy plot lines, illegal downloads, titillating Tumblr feeds and giving porn up completely.</p> <p><strong>MORE RESOURCES</strong></p> <p>Looking for more information about living with an STI? Head over <a href="https://www.wnycstudios.org/story/death-sex-money-sti-reading">here</a>. (There, you'll also find the email that Conor, from our episode on STIs, sends to potential new partners to help them learn about his herpes diagnosis. Thanks to him for sharing it with us!)</p> <p class="p1">And last year, our friends at Radiolab produced <a href="https://www.wnycstudios.org/shows/radiolab/projects/radiolab-presents-gonads">their own series about sex and sex ed</a>, called Gonads. As part of that project, they collected sex ed book suggestions from listeners and staff, about the books that helped them understand the birds and the bees.</p> <p>Check out the full Gonads Presents: Sex Ed Bookshelf <a href="https://www.wnycstudios.org/story/gonads-presents-sex-ed-bookshelf/">here</a>! Here are a few highlights:</p> <div id="gr_grid_widget_1532374115"><!-- Show static html as a placeholder in case js is not enabled - javascript include will override this if things work --> <div class="gr_grid_container"> <div class="gr_grid_book_container"><a title="It's Perfectly Normal: A Book about Changing Bodies, Growing Up, Sex, and Sexual Health" rel="nofollow" href="https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/222507.It_s_Perfectly_Normal"><img src="https://images.gr-assets.com/books/1388191208m/222507.jpg" alt="It's Perfectly Normal: A Book about Changing Bodies, Growing Up, Sex, and Sexual Health" border="0"></a></div> <div class="gr_grid_book_container"><a title="Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret" rel="nofollow" href="https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/37732.Are_You_There_God_It_s_Me_Margaret"><img src="https://images.gr-assets.com/books/1388356524m/37732.jpg" alt="Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret" border="0"></a></div> <div class="gr_grid_book_container"><a title="Our Bodies, Ourselves for the New Century" rel="nofollow" href="https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/97869.Our_Bodies_Ourselves_for_the_New_Century"><img src="https://images.gr-assets.com/books/1392953859m/97869.jpg" alt="Our Bodies, Ourselves for the New Century" border="0"></a></div> <div class="gr_grid_book_container"><a title="The Ultimate Guide to Sex and Disability: For All of Us Who Live with Disabilities, Chronic Pain, and Illness" rel="nofollow" href="https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/967095.The_Ultimate_Guide_to_Sex_and_Disability"><img src="https://images.gr-assets.com/books/1179874304m/967095.jpg" alt="The Ultimate Guide to Sex and Disability: For All of Us Who Live with Disabilities, Chronic Pain, and Illness" border="0"></a></div> <div class="gr_grid_book_container"><a title="Guide to Getting It On!" rel="nofollow" href="https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/72834.Guide_to_Getting_It_On_"><img src="https://images.gr-assets.com/books/1386924754m/72834.jpg" alt="Guide to Getting It On!" border="0"></a></div> <div class="gr_grid_book_container"><a title="I Am Jazz" rel="nofollow" href="https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/18763344-i-am-jazz"><img src="https://images.gr-assets.com/books/1392585999m/18763344.jpg" alt="I Am Jazz" border="0"></a></div> <div class="gr_grid_book_container"><a title="What Makes a Baby" rel="nofollow" href="https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/15701778-what-makes-a-baby"><img src="https://images.gr-assets.com/books/1340338597m/15701778.jpg" alt="What Makes a Baby" border="0"></a></div> <div class="gr_grid_book_container"><a title="Where Did I Come From?" rel="nofollow" href="https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/98678.Where_Did_I_Come_From_"><img src="https://images.gr-assets.com/books/1347744548m/98678.jpg" alt="Where Did I Come From?" border="0"></a></div> <noscript><br>Share <a rel="nofollow" href="http://www.wnyc.org/">book reviews</a> and ratings with Radiolab, and even join a <a rel="nofollow" href="http://www.wnyc.org/group">book club</a> on Goodreads.</noscript></div> </div> <script type="text/javascript" src="https://www.goodreads.com/review/grid_widget/83213904.Radiolab's%20sex-ed-the-short-list%20book%20montage?cover_size=medium&amp;hide_link=true&amp;hide_title=true&amp;num_books=20&amp;order=a&amp;shelf=sex-ed-the-short-list&amp;sort=position&amp;widget_id=1532374115"></script> <p> </p> <div data-pym-src="https://apps.nypr.org/newsletter-signup/?partnerOrg=None&amp;brand=wnyc-studios-gray&amp;headline=Want%20more%20sex%20ed%20fail%20stories%3F%20We've%20got%20them%20in%20our%20newsletter.&amp;mailchimpId=566f296761&amp;mailchimpName=Newsletter%3A%20Death%2C%20Sex%20%26%20Money"></div> <p><span><span> <script type="text/javascript" src="https://pym.nprapps.org/pym.v1.min.js"></script> </span></span></p>
Jan 08, 2019
When A Banker Was Called To The Convent
26:15
<p><span>Sister Josephine Garrett grew up Baptist and worked her way up the corporate ladder—eventually becoming a vice president at Bank of America, where she managed a few hundred employees. But after converting to Catholicism in her mid-20s, the idea of becoming a nun popped into her head, and she couldn't leave it behind. </span></p> <div class="embedded-image" style="max-width: 800px;"><img class="mcePuppyImage" src="https://media.wnyc.org/i/800/531/l/80/2018/12/SisterJosephineGarrettFirstVowsDeathSexMoney.jpg" alt="Sister Josephine Garrett, on the day she took her first vows."> <div class="image-metadata"> <div class="image-caption">Sister Josephine Garrett, on the day she took her first vows.</div> <div class="image-credit">(Sister Josephine Garrett)</div> </div> </div>
Dec 19, 2018
I Married A Dreamer During The Trump Presidency
24:29
<p>Vanessa and Freddy had been dating for just a few months when she first brought up the idea of marriage, while they were eating at their favorite taco place. "He just was silent, like he just looked at me, and then looked down at his food and kept eating," Vanessa told me. "I'm like, um are you gonna say something? And then he eventually said, I take marriage very seriously and I would never want to go down that path just because of legal status." </p> <p>Freddy was born in Mexico, but has lived in the U.S. since he was six. He was undocumented until 2013, when he became one of the almost 700,000 young people who were given temporary permission to stay under President Obama's Deferred Action for Childhood Arrivals (DACA) program. Then, last fall, President Trump declared that he was canceling DACA—throwing Freddy's future in the U.S. into question.</p> <p>Vanessa and Freddy are married now, but there's still no clear path to permanent legal status for Freddy as the courts decide the fate of DACA program. The worry that Freddy might be deported hangs over their relationship—particularly for Vanessa. "What happens if they cancel DACA and then they go after all the DACA recipients and we have a baby?" Vanessa told me. But for Freddy, the prospect of losing his legal status in the U.S. doesn't faze him as much. "My thought is, I have done so much without it than with it, you know? So that's not going to change anything for me. It’s not going to stop me." </p>
Dec 05, 2018
Married, Paralyzed and Moving On
22:11
<p>Two years ago, Hiroki Takeuchi was paralyzed from the waist down in a cycling accident. It was just weeks after he and his wife, Rachel Swidenbank, got married. <a href="https://www.wnycstudios.org/story/death-sex-money-rachel-hiroki">When we first spoke in early 2017</a>, Hiroki was still figuring out the basics of day-to-day life in a wheelchair: how to drive an adapted car, how to get up and down stairs, how to use the bathroom on his own. Rachel stopped working to care for Hiroki in those early days. There were a lot of unknowns about the future, and what Hiroki's body would and wouldn't be capable of. </p> <p>When we spoke recently, they told me that Hiroki is now fully independent when it comes to his daily routines, and that they're both back to work. "It's been progress, progress, progress, progress," Rachel said. "And then like maybe the last three, four months it's kind of flattened out in terms of what you would classify as progress." One thing that they haven't yet fully figured out: sex. "We definitely have a lot of intimacy and you know, a lot of closeness," Hiroki told me. "But...I think that there's so much baggage around it."</p> <p>Rachel and Hiroki <em>did</em> recently find out that having a child together is possible via IVF. While they're not ready to start that process quite yet, it was exciting news for them—and it's made Hiroki think about what being a father might look like for him. "One of the things that really worried me was that I wouldn't be able to be a proper dad to our children," he said. "I think there's a level of like you know redefining what fatherhood means through a different lens. It doesn't mean it's worse, it's just different." </p> <hr> <p> </p> <p>Traveling for the holiday this week? Take our <a href="https://medium.com/death-sex-money/podcasts-we-re-thankful-for-1707403a027a">Podcasts We're Thankful For playlist</a> — with episode suggestions from podcast hosts like PJ Vogt, Tracy Clayton, Phoebe Judge and Kelly McEvers — along with you!</p>
Nov 20, 2018
John Green Thinks Adulthood is Underrated
27:45
<p>Author John Green is a master of connecting with young people. His YA novels, and the popular YouTube channel he runs with his younger brother Hank, have created massive communities of teenage fans all over the world. But when he was growing up in Orlando, John himself often felt isolated from his peers. Anxiety and obsessive thoughts plagued him, starting when he was a kid. "The feeling of not being able to choose thoughts, [...] of not being able to reassure myself, and not being able to be reassured by people who loved me was really scary," he told me. "It meant that my self was built on a foundation of sand on some level." </p> <p>In his twenties, after a period of severe crisis after college, John received a diagnosis of obsessive compulsive disorder. He began taking medication to help manage it, and when he started his family and moved to Indianapolis, it felt like things were settling down. Then, in 2012, he published his bestselling novel <em>The Fault in Our Stars</em>. A movie deal followed, and soon, John found himself at the center of a multi-million dollar empire. "It felt like there was a lot of attention on that story and, by proxy, on me," he told me. "And I had always wanted that, I always sought that out, but when it happened it was overwhelming at first." In fact, it was so overwhelming that it sent John into the second serious mental health crisis of his life<span>—one that felt all the more debilitating because he was now a dad and husband.</span> This week, he tells me about getting healthy again after that period, and why he's learned that so many things about adulthood<span>—including having </span>comfortable shoes<span>—are </span>really great.</p> <p> </p> <hr> <p><em>John and his brother Hank host three of their own podcasts, all of which are now part of the WNYC Studios family. Listen to </em><a href="http://www.dearhankandjohn.org">Dear </a><a href="http://www.dearhankandjohn.org">Hank and John</a><em>, </em><a href="http://www.theanthropocenereviewed.org">The Anthropocene Reviewed</a><em>, and </em><a href="https://www.wnycstudios.org/shows/scishow-tangents">SciShow Tangents</a><em> wherever you get your podcasts.</em></p> <p><em>And if you find yourself in a moment of crisis like John did, and need to talk with someone, the National Suicide Prevention Hotline is 1-800-273-TALK (8255). They're open 24/7—please ask for help.</em></p>
Nov 08, 2018
Why Governor Jennifer Granholm Cut Her Hair
27:38
<p>When Jennifer Granholm ran for Attorney General of Michigan in 1998, she had three young children at home <span>— </span>including a 10 month old baby. But that was not something she wanted voters to know about. "You didn't even really see my husband," Jennifer told me. "It was all about this disembodied creature who was going to fight for you because you don't want to remind people of the mess that is a family and all of that."</p> <p>Jennifer's life in politics was quite a change from how she started her career, as a former beauty pageant contestant who moved to Los Angeles right out of high school to try to break into acting. She was quickly turned off by the culture there. "That casting couch thing was real," she told me, describing requests for sexual favors at auditions. "<span>I went on interviews where people would say 'Hey, I've got 50 girls outside lined up who are willing to do A, B, or C. Why should I give this to you if you don't play the game?'</span></p> <p>"I was so mad about it, I said I'm going to leave here, I'm going to go to the best university I can get into, going to get the best grades possible. I'm going to go to law school and I'll show them!" </p> <p>After graduating from Harvard Law School and practicing law in Michigan, Jennifer won the Attorney General's race in 1998, and in 2002 she also won the race to become the first female governor of Michigan. She was still in office as the global financial crisis and automotive industry bankruptcies simultaneously hit her state in 2008 and 2009 — and took a lot of the blame for it. "I would say to anybody who's deciding whether or not to run for office timing is really important," she laughed. "I feel sad for me personally. If I can be sorry for myself. I feel sad that I governed at a time when I am seen as being responsible for the high unemployment rate in Michigan." </p> <p>—</p> <p>This episode is a collaboration with the podcast <em>The United States of Anxiety</em>. <a href="https://www.wnycstudios.org/shows/anxiety">Check out their entire third season<span>—</span>all about gender and power<span>—</span>here.</a> One of our favorite episodes from this season is <a href="https://www.wnycstudios.org/story/weve-been-here">all about the Anita Hill testimony in 1991</a>. (Listen back to one of our first episodes, <a href="https://www.wnycstudios.org/story/this-senator-saved-my-love-life">with former Wyoming senator Alan Simpson and his wife, Ann</a>, to hear the couple talking about how Al's participation in those hearings affected their relationship.)</p>
Oct 31, 2018
Tell Us Your Sex Ed Fails
2:14
<p>A listener named Lauren emailed the Death, Sex &amp; Money inbox recently with a request: Could we please talk more about blue balls? She explained that when she was a young woman, she had male partners tell her it was literally unsafe for them not to orgasm after arousal — and she believed them. "<span>It's like, oh I started to hook up with him. So now I have to have sex with him," she said.</span> It wasn't until much later that Lauren realized blue balls are, at worst, mildly uncomfortable. </p> <p>Lauren's experience of finding out that something she believed about sex was completely wrong resonated for me, and it made me wonder: What did<em> you</em> learn about sex that you wish you hadn't?</p> <p>We want you to tell us about your sex ed fails — the ridiculous, harmful or just plain wrong things you picked up from partners, friends, older siblings, or even teachers. Send a voice memo to deathsexmoney@wnyc.org. And we're working with the BBC on this project, so we'd especially love to hear from our listeners in the UK!</p>
Oct 30, 2018
When Fire Takes Everything: Rebuilding in Northern California
25:12
<p>In the middle of the night on October 8th, 2017, Ed and Kathy Hamilton were woken up by banging on their front door. When they opened it, their neighbor was standing there, and behind her, the sky was glowing red. "It was just a scene from hell," Ed says. "It’s indescribable." A few hours later, their home burned down in the deadliest and most destructive wildfire in California history. Ed and Kathy became one of thousands of families deciding how—or if—to rebuild in a part of the country where wildfires are becoming mroe intense and destructive with each passing year.</p> <p>This week, in partnership with KQED in San Francisco, we're looking at what happens after the smoke has cleared. For Ed and Kathy, recovery means reconstructing their home to nearly the exact specifications of the house that stood there before. But that's possible for them because they had good insurance, and a big financial safety net. For many others, who were underinsured or had no insurance, that's not an option. Bart Levenson found herself stuck in limbo for years after a 2015 wildfire destroyed her home, despite her best efforts to be prepared. Earlier this year, Bart spoke to KQED reporter Sukey Lewis at the abandoned resort that was her temporary home for years after the fire. "It's just so big what happened," she said. "I didn't know this was going to be the most stuck I'd ever be in my whole life."</p> <p> </p> <hr> <p><em>If you want to hear more stories about how communities and individuals in California are navigating the aftermath of wildfires, check out KQED's podcast <a href="https://www.kqed.org/news/tag/the-bay">The Bay</a></em><em>. </em><em>In particular, we recommend their <a href="https://www.kqed.org/news/11697838/struggling-to-return-home-after-the-fire">recent episode</a> featuring Sukey Lewis's interview with a young woman named Kayla Swaim, and <a href="https://www.kqed.org/news/11698177/should-we-rebuild-where-fire-is-likely-again">another recent episode</a> about the arguments for and against rebuilding in areas that continue to be vulnerable to wildfire.</em></p> <p><em>If you're curious to learn more about how better design can keep homes from burning, even in severe wildfires, check out </em>Death, Sex &amp; Money<em> producer Stephanie Joyce's <a href="https://99percentinvisible.org/episode/built-to-burn/">recent reporting for 99% Invisible</a>. She explores the science behind how we could reduce our collective fire risk, and the reasons why we don't.</em></p> <p><em>And to read Kathy Hamilton's blog, where she's chronicled their rebuilding process (and their spending!), <a href="http://tubbsfire-our-rebuild.com/">head on over here</a>.</em></p>
Oct 17, 2018
I Served 27 Years In Prison. Now, I'm Out On Parole.
29:05
<p><em>"Sometimes I wake up, and I say, what if I wake up, and I'm in my bedroom? And I wake up and I always see the bars there. And I wonder [about] the day when I’m going to wake up and I’m not going to see the bars there."</em></p> <p>That's what Lawrence Bartley told me the first time I spoke to him in 2014. I was interviewing him at Sing Sing prison in New York, where he was serving a sentence of 27 years to life for second degree murder.</p> <p>That day came this past May, when Lawrence was paroled, and walked out of Sing Sing a free man. After a few months out, he and his wife, Ronnine, joined me to talk about their life as a family on the outside<span>—how Ronnine navigated a difficult year after Lawrence's first request for parole was denied, how they've approached parenting their two young sons together, and how </span>Lawrence is thinking back on the crime he was imprisoned for now that he's free.</p> <hr> <p><em>I spoke with Lawrence and Ronnine before, first in 2014, and then again last summer, when he was getting ready to go before the parole board for the first time. Find those episodes <a href="https://www.wnycstudios.org/story/lawrence-bartley-update-death-sex-money">here</a> and <a href="https://www.wnycstudios.org/story/ronnine-bartley-death-sex-money">here</a>.</em></p> <p><em>You can read the essay Lawrence wrote in prison for </em>The Marshall Project<em> <a href="https://www.themarshallproject.org/2018/04/26/how-i-m-preparing-for-parole-after-27-years-in-prison">here</a>.</em></p>
Oct 03, 2018
Jane Fonda After Death and Divorce, Revisted
33:19
<p>What do you think of when you think of Jane Fonda? The sexy space traveller from Barbarella? Vietnam War activist? Fitness goddess? Fonda has had quite the career. She’s also had three marriages — to a French director, an anti-war activist, and the billionaire Ted Turner — and each ended in divorce. When she found herself newly single at 62, she felt whole for the first time. Now, she says she’d disappear into a monastery before getting married again.</p> <p>When I spoke with her in 2014, she told me about her mother's suicide when she was a girl, her father Henry Fonda's long decline, and the lessons she learned by choosing to be alone. Now, we're bringing you that conversation again<span>—because it's one of those ones that sticks with you.</span></p> <hr> <p><em>Jane Fonda is the subject of the new HBO documentary </em>Jane Fonda in Five Acts<em>, premiering September 24. Watch the trailer and make sure to check it out:</em></p> <p><iframe frameborder="0" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/d4rdvHGMtBE?rel=0" width="560"></iframe></p>
Sep 19, 2018
Hot Dates: Last Summer Nights
26:29
<p>A lot has changed over the course of the summer for the group of eight listeners whose dating lives we've been following in real-time—they've been through breakups, hookups, move-ins, friends that might become more than friends and awkward dates. For many of them, those experiences have prompted reflection about what it is they want out of dating, and in this final episode of our series, they fill me on why that isn't always what they thought they wanted. </p> <p> </p> <div data-pym-src="https://apps.nypr.org/playlist/?brand=wnyc-studios&amp;title=Just%20Catching%20Up%3F&amp;blurb=Listen%20to%20all%20the%20episodes%20in%20our%20summer%20dating%20series&amp;stories=death-sex-money-hot-dates-kickoff%2Chot-dates-thomas-1%2Cdeath-sex-money-hot-dates-dan-update%2Chot-dates-jessie-june%2Cdeath-sex-money-hot-dates-ceci-miracle%2Cdeath-sex-money-hot-dates-last-summer-nights">Loading...</div> <script type="text/javascript" src="https://pym.nprapps.org/pym.v1.min.js"></script> <hr> <p><em>We know that sometimes, being single can be more fun than it seems! So we want to celebrate the times in your life when you're not planning around anyone else. Head on over to our <a href="https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/10IMrSh9bMm_Xagefk_nuQ5lb4R29WMIYN7gTfLRI6wY/edit#gid=0">interactive Google spreadsheet</a> where you can share the ways you treat yourself well when you're on your own, and get some inspiration from other listeners. </em></p> <p> </p>
Sep 05, 2018
Nick Offerman Can Take Directions
24:20
<p>Nick Offerman is famous for playing the unsentimental, bacon-loving, alpha-male Ron Swanson on <em>Parks and Recreation</em>. But for a long time after moving to Los Angeles in his mid-20s, he was a struggling actor, best known for being married to <span>Megan Mullally, who played Karen on <em>Will &amp; Grace</em>. He told me about meeting Megan while he was living in a friend's unfinished basement, and about building a life with her in Los Angeles, far from his hometown in Illinois. "</span>I spent a lot of time sort of shedding my middle American skin as it were," he told me. "I had to let the world know<span>—</span>but really, it was for me<span>—</span>that I was not a a buttoned-up conservative from a small town. Even though that's what I was."</p> <hr> <p>One of Nick's newest projects is the movie <em>Hearts Beat Loud. </em>Check out the trailer:</p> <p> </p> <p><iframe frameborder="0" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/G6HJtEDBHIU" width="560"></iframe></p>
Aug 22, 2018
Alzheimer's and the World's Saddest Comedy Club
36:58
<p>Comedian Chris Garcia has always incorporated stories about his Cuban-American family into his sets. But after his father died from Alzheimer's, Chris started using his comedy to process his own grief, and to memorialize his dad. He also found solace talking to other comedians who had lost their own parents.</p> <p>Now, Chris is bringing some of those conversations about death, family and comedy to a new audio project with WNYC Studios. T<span>his week, we're bringing you an early listen of what he's been working on. You'll hear Chris talk with his mother Ana, and with Karen Kilgariff, a fellow comedian and cohost of the podcast <em>My Favorite Murder</em>. </span></p> <p>This project is a work in progress—but we’re sharing it with you now because WNYC Studios wants  your feedback as we explore new shows and new ideas. So after you listen, head over to <a href="https://wnyc.typeform.com/to/OVfhl3">deathsexmoney.org/pilot</a> to tell us what you think. </p>
Aug 08, 2018
Hot Dates: From One Hot Dater to Another
10:36
<p>Ceci is 36 and lives in a city in California, Miracle is 25 and lives in a small town in Alabama. But when they got together to talk, they discovered there's a lot of overlap between their dating experiences. They talked about the family and social pressures they feel as young, single women, what happened when Ceci changed her race from "mixed" to "Hispanic" on her dating apps and the big changes in their dating lives since we last checked in with them. </p> <p> </p> <hr> <p> </p> <p><em>All summer, we're following a group of listeners as they date in real time around the country. We're calling this series Hot Dates—if you missed the introductory episode, <a href="https://www.wnycstudios.org/story/death-sex-money-hot-dates-kickoff?tab=summary">go back and listen to it first</a>. </em></p>
Aug 02, 2018
Tig Notaro Isn't a Blob Anymore
25:35
<p>Tig Notaro had big plans for the year she turned 41<span>—after spending her 20s and 30s on the road building her comedy career, she was finally going to fulfill her dream of becoming a parent. Instead, Tig's life fell apart. In the span of six months, she contracted a life-threatening infection, her mother died in an accident and Tig was diagnosed with stage two breast cancer. She talked about all of it on stage at Largo, the comedy club in Los Angeles, and <a href="https://open.spotify.com/album/6ttCxEGqI0tX85k80YPYNu">the set went viral</a>.</span></p> <p><span>That terrible year changed a lot of things for Tig. She got an explosion of job offers, she got married, and six years later, she is finally a parent</span>. When we spoke, she told me that building a family has totally upended her life—in a good way. "My life before them—I was just a blob floating around the universe," she said. "I just, I don’t even understand what I was doing, I don’t understand. I don’t understand my existence."</p> <p> </p> <hr> <p><em>This week, we're also asking for your stories. <a href="mailto:deathsexmoney@wnyc.org">Send us a voice memo or email</a> about something you've gone through that you wish you heard more people talking about. Here are a few of our favorite listener-driven episodes, for inspiration.</em></p> <p> </p> <div data-pym-src="https://apps.nypr.org/playlist/?brand=wnyc-studios&amp;title=Episodes%20From%2C%20and%20About%2C%20You&amp;blurb=A%20few%20of%20our%20favorite%20Death%2C%20Sex%20%26%20Money%20episodes%20that%20came%20from%20listeners%20reaching%20out.&amp;stories=sex-worker-next-door%2Cconversion-therapy-death-sex-money%2Csurrogacy-death-sex-money%2Cdeath-sex-money-rachel-hiroki%2Cseeking-arrangement-sugar-daddy-death-sex-money%2Cfatherhood-death-sex-money%2Cautism-death-sex-money%2Cdeath-sex-money-hot-dates-kickoff">Loading...</div> <script type="text/javascript" src="https://pym.nprapps.org/pym.v1.min.js"></script> <p> </p>
Jul 25, 2018
Hot Dates: Open to Open Relationships
14:25
<p>The first time I talked with Jessie, a 36 year old programmer in Montana, she told me that she couldn't find single guys on her dating apps that felt like good matches. That's still true...technically. But since that first conversation, she emailed to tell me about another part of her dating life she didn't mention before. Plus, June's enjoying her summer break from college with three different partners. </p> <hr> <p> </p> <p><em>All summer, we're following a group of listeners as they date in real time around the country. We're calling this series Hot Dates—if you missed the introductory episode, <a href="https://www.wnycstudios.org/story/death-sex-money-hot-dates-kickoff?tab=summary">go back and listen to it first</a>. </em></p>
Jul 23, 2018
Manhood, Now: Live
51:16
<p>As we've been talking about <a href="https://www.wnycstudios.org/shows/deathsexmoney/manhood-now">Manhood, Now</a> over the last month, we've heard from a lot of you that conversations about masculinity can be hard to start. So, we decided to try and have one together<span>—</span>on live radio. CNN's W. Kamau Bell joined me, and together, we took calls from all over the country about how expectations are shifting for men right now, what you learned about being men from the role models you grew up with (and what you're relearning now), and how we can all get better at having these kinds of conversations.</p> <p> </p> <hr> <p><em>What books, articles, and podcasts have changed how you think about masculinity? Find suggestions from other Death, Sex &amp; Money listeners, and contribute your own recommendations <a href="https://www.wnycstudios.org/story/manhood-now-reading-list">here</a>!</em></p> <p><em>W. Kamau Bell is the host of CNN's</em> United Shades of America, <em>and the author of</em> The Awkward Thoughts of W. Kamau Bell. <em>His new Netflix special is </em>Private School Negro.</p>
Jul 12, 2018
A Wife Interviews Her Husband About Manhood, Now
10:15
<p>After we put out our episode <a href="https://www.wnycstudios.org/story/manhood-now">Manhood, Now</a>, we heard from a lot of you that you're hungry for more conversations about what's changing for men right now. We've been talking about all of this in public, but we're particularly curious about how these conversations are happening in private right now<span>—</span>at work, with friends, and in romantic relationships. And today, two of our listeners are giving us all a peek into how they're talking about this together.</p> <p>Ryan and Alex are a husband and wife who live in D.C. Earlier this week, they were getting dressed and talking about masculinity, when Alex decided to take out her phone and start recording their conversation. She sent us that audio earlier this week, and now, with their permission, we're sharing it with you.</p> <hr> <p><em>This episode is part of our ongoing conversation about masculinity today. Find more about the project at <a href="https://www.wnycstudios.org/story/manhood-now">deathsexmoney.org/men</a>.</em></p> <p><em>We love getting audio from our listeners! Send us your voice memos, to deathsexmoney@wnyc.org</em></p>
Jul 11, 2018
Manhood Now: What You're Reading
<p>We've been thinking a lot about <a href="https://www.wnycstudios.org/story/manhood-now">what's changing for men</a>, and we wanted to know about other resources that have helped our listeners think about gender. Here's what you recommended to us:</p> <h2>BOOKS </h2> <div id="gr_grid_widget_1556052842"><!-- Show static html as a placeholder in case js is not enabled - javascript include will override this if things work --> <h2><a style="text-decoration: none;" rel="nofollow" href="https://www.goodreads.com/review/list/83997169-death-sex-money?shelf=read&amp;utm_medium=api&amp;utm_source=grid_widget">Death, Sex &amp; Money's bookshelf: read</a></h2> <div class="gr_grid_container"> <div class="gr_grid_book_container"><a title="To Kill a Mockingbird" rel="nofollow" href="https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/2657.To_Kill_a_Mockingbird"><img src="https://images.gr-assets.com/books/1553383690m/2657.jpg" alt="To Kill a Mockingbird" border="0"></a></div> <div class="gr_grid_book_container"><a title="The Unmade Bed: The Messy Truth about Men and Women in the 21st Century" rel="nofollow" href="https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/30166355-the-unmade-bed"><img src="https://images.gr-assets.com/books/1492821635m/30166355.jpg" alt="The Unmade Bed: The Messy Truth about Men and Women in the 21st Century" border="0"></a></div> <div class="gr_grid_book_container"><a title="Check, Please!: Year One" rel="nofollow" href="https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/27411088-check-please"><img src="https://images.gr-assets.com/books/1553093426m/27411088.jpg" alt="Check, Please!: Year One" border="0"></a></div> <div class="gr_grid_book_container"><a title="Woman: An Intimate Geography" rel="nofollow" href="https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/60885.Woman"><img src="https://images.gr-assets.com/books/1403168988m/60885.jpg" alt="Woman: An Intimate Geography" border="0"></a></div> <div class="gr_grid_book_container"><a title="Raising Boys: Why Boys Are Different and How to Help Them Become Happy and Well-Balanced Men" rel="nofollow" href="https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/204098.Raising_Boys"><img src="https://images.gr-assets.com/books/1172658392m/204098.jpg" alt="Raising Boys: Why Boys Are Different and How to Help Them Become Happy and Well-Balanced Men" border="0"></a></div> <div class="gr_grid_book_container"><a title="Slaughterhouse-Five" rel="nofollow" href="https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/4981.Slaughterhouse_Five"><img src="https://images.gr-assets.com/books/1440319389m/4981.jpg" alt="Slaughterhouse-Five" border="0"></a></div> <div class="gr_grid_book_container"><a title="1984" rel="nofollow" href="https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/5470.1984"><img src="https://images.gr-assets.com/books/1348990566m/5470.jpg" alt="1984" border="0"></a></div> <div class="gr_grid_book_container"><a title="How Can I Get Through to You?: Closing the Intimacy Gap Between Men and Women" rel="nofollow" href="https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/402075.How_Can_I_Get_Through_to_You_"><img src="https://images.gr-assets.com/books/1348920047m/402075.jpg" alt="How Can I Get Through to You?: Closing the Intimacy Gap Between Men and Women" border="0"></a></div> <div class="gr_grid_book_container"><a title="Dude, You're a Fag: Masculinity and Sexuality in High School" rel="nofollow" href="https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/1051091.Dude_You_re_a_Fag"><img src="https://images.gr-assets.com/books/1410043734m/1051091.jpg" alt="Dude, You're a Fag: Masculinity and Sexuality in High School" border="0"></a></div> <div class="gr_grid_book_container"><a title="The Power of Vulnerability: Teachings of Authenticity, Connections and Courage" rel="nofollow" href="https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/23500254-the-power-of-vulnerability"><img src="https://images.gr-assets.com/books/1417188663m/23500254.jpg" alt="The Power of Vulnerability: Teachings of Authenticity, Connections and Courage" border="0"></a></div> <div class="gr_grid_book_container"><a title="The Will to Change: Men, Masculinity, and Love" rel="nofollow" href="https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/17601.The_Will_to_Change"><img src="https://images.gr-assets.com/books/1348452379m/17601.jpg" alt="The Will to Change: Men, Masculinity, and Love" border="0"></a></div> <div class="gr_grid_book_container"><a title="The Last American Man" rel="nofollow" href="https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/23202.The_Last_American_Man"><img src="https://images.gr-assets.com/books/1472257813m/23202.jpg" alt="The Last American Man" border="0"></a></div> <div class="gr_grid_book_container"><a title="Another Country" rel="nofollow" href="https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/38474.Another_Country"><img src="https://images.gr-assets.com/books/1353255131m/38474.jpg" alt="Another Country" border="0"></a></div> <div class="gr_grid_book_container"><a title="Wild at Heart: Discovering the Secret of a Man's Soul" rel="nofollow" href="https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/1846.Wild_at_Heart"><img src="https://images.gr-assets.com/books/1430401288m/1846.jpg" alt="Wild at Heart: Discovering the Secret of a Man's Soul" border="0"></a></div> <div class="gr_grid_book_container"><a title="The Art of Fielding" rel="nofollow" href="https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/10996342-the-art-of-fielding"><img src="https://images.gr-assets.com/books/1554025214m/10996342.jpg" alt="The Art of Fielding" border="0"></a></div> <div class="gr_grid_book_container"><a title="Playing Fair: A Guide to Nonmonogamy for Men into Women" rel="nofollow" href="https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/34735068-playing-fair"><img src="https://images.gr-assets.com/books/1501598510m/34735068.jpg" alt="Playing Fair: A Guide to Nonmonogamy for Men into Women" border="0"></a></div> <div class="gr_grid_book_container"><a title="The Velvet Rage: Overcoming the Pain of Growing Up Gay in a Straight Man's World" rel="nofollow" href="https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/49418.The_Velvet_Rage"><img src="https://images.gr-assets.com/books/1442026718m/49418.jpg" alt="The Velvet Rage: Overcoming the Pain of Growing Up Gay in a Straight Man's World" border="0"></a></div> <div class="gr_grid_book_container"><a title="Stone Butch Blues" rel="nofollow" href="https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/139569.Stone_Butch_Blues"><img src="https://images.gr-assets.com/books/1328758827m/139569.jpg" alt="Stone Butch Blues" border="0"></a></div> <div class="gr_grid_book_container"><a title="Angry White Men: American Masculinity at the End of an Era" rel="nofollow" href="https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/16197150-angry-white-men"><img src="https://images.gr-assets.com/books/1369871308m/16197150.jpg" alt="Angry White Men: American Masculinity at the End of an Era" border="0"></a></div> <div class="gr_grid_book_container"><a title="Heavy: An American Memoir" rel="nofollow" href="https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/29430746-heavy"><img src="https://images.gr-assets.com/books/1517524042m/29430746.jpg" alt="Heavy: An American Memoir" border="0"></a></div> <br style="clear: both;"><br><a class="gr_grid_branding" style="font-size: .9em; color: #382110; text-decoration: none; float: right; clear: both;" rel="nofollow" href="https://www.goodreads.com/user/show/83997169-death-sex-money">Death, Sex &amp; Money's favorite books »</a><noscript><br>Share <a rel="nofollow" href="http://www.wnycstudios.org/">book reviews</a> and ratings with Death, Sex &amp; Money, and even join a <a rel="nofollow" href="http://www.wnycstudios.org/group">book club</a> on Goodreads.</noscript></div> </div> <script type="text/javascript" src="https://www.goodreads.com/review/grid_widget/83997169.Death,%20Sex%20&amp;%20Money's%20bookshelf:%20read?cover_size=medium&amp;hide_link=&amp;hide_title=&amp;num_books=21&amp;order=a&amp;shelf=read&amp;sort=date_added&amp;widget_id=1556052842"></script> <p> </p> <h2>ARTICLES</h2> <p><a href="http://www.poconlineclassroom.com/blog/2017/4/29/rad-reading-understanding-patriarchy-by-bell-hooks" target="_blank">Understanding Patriarchy</a> <em>(bell hooks)</em></p> <p><a href="https://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/and-education-in-masculinity-cmtt/" target="_blank">Lessons from a Paratrooper in Combat on how to be a ‘Good Man.’</a> (<em>The Good Men Project</em>)</p> <p><a href="https://www.nytimes.com/2017/06/02/upshot/how-to-raise-a-feminist-son.html" target="_blank">How to Raise a Feminist Son</a> (<em>NY Times</em>)</p> <header class="item-header content-width-responsive"> <p><a href="https://qz.com/613980/why-men-fight-an-empirical-investigation-of-the-extremes-of-masculinity/" target="_blank">Why men fight: An empirical investigation of the extremes of masculinity</a> (<em>Quartz</em>)</p> </header> <p><a href="https://promundoglobal.org/resources/man-box-study-young-man-us-uk-mexico-key-findings/?lang=english" target="_blank">The Man Box: A Study on Being a Young Man in the US, UK, and Mexico</a> (<em>Promundo</em>)</p> <p> </p> <h2>PODCASTS</h2> <p><a href="https://radiopublic.com/HiddenBrain/ep/s1!289afc0b6655110c93eaad9c05526b3628a1b6e5" target="_blank">The Lonely American Man</a> (<em>Hidden Brain)</em></p> <p><a href="https://www.theheartradio.org/pansy-episodes/" target="_blank">Pansy</a> (<em>The Heart)</em></p> <p><em><a href="https://www.artofmanliness.com/podcast/" target="_blank">The Art of Manliness Podcast</a></em></p> <p class="c-article-header__hed"><a href="https://www.theatlantic.com/entertainment/archive/2017/11/radio-atlantic-john-wayne-donald-trump-and-the-american-man/546716/" target="_blank">John Wayne, Donald Trump, and the American Man</a> (<em>Radio Atlantic)</em></p> <p class="c-article-header__hed"> </p> <h2 class="c-article-header__hed">BONUS: FILM</h2> <p><a href="https://www.imdb.com/title/tt4385888/" target="_blank">20th Century Women </a></p> <p><a href="https://www.imdb.com/title/tt3983674/" target="_blank">The Mask You Live In</a></p> <p> </p> <div data-pym-src="https://apps.nypr.org/call-to-action/?brand=wnyc-studios&amp;url=https%3A%2F%2Fwnyc.typeform.com%2Fto%2FAtlNKX&amp;headline=Got%20a%20suggestion%3F&amp;summary=Let%20us%20know.&amp;callToAction=Add%20your%20recommendation">Loading...</div> <script type="text/javascript" src="https://pym.nprapps.org/pym.v1.min.js"></script>
Jul 11, 2018
Hot Dates: "I'm Supposed to Be Certain"
8:49
<p>When I first talked with Dan, a 41-year-old widower who recently reentered the dating pool, he told me that he had been reflecting on some past behavior with regret in the wake of #MeToo. Now, he says he won't initiate physical contact without verbal consent, and he's trying to be especially aware of whether he's making the women he's dating feel safe and comfortable with him. B<span>ut he says he's confused about how to navigate consent when women tell him they want to be "submissive" in a relationship. S</span>ince we first spoke, Dan has been grappling with those questions in a new relationship that's gotten serious quickly. I called him up to talk through some listener reactions to our first interview, and dig a little deeper into the complexities of consent right now. </p> <p> </p> <p><em>All summer, we're following a group of listeners as they date in real time around the country. We're calling this series Hot Dates—if you missed the introductory episode, <a href="https://www.wnycstudios.org/story/death-sex-money-hot-dates-kickoff?tab=summary">go back and listen to it first</a>. </em></p>
Jul 09, 2018
How to Be a Man With Bill Withers, Revisited
24:59
<p>When I spoke with songwriting legend Bill Withers, for the very first episode of Death, Sex &amp; Money, we talked about what it is to be a man. Withers told me it might not be manly to say "I'm scared," but that being a man isn't about ignoring fear. It's about getting things done in spite of it, and knowing when to ask for help. </p> <p>This week, in honor of his 80th birthday, and our ongoing conversation about <a href="http://www.wnyc.org/deathsexmoney.org/men">manhood today</a>, we decided to revisit the episode, which is still one of my favorites. </p> <p>Before Withers wrote some of the most memorable hits of the 70s and 80s—songs like “Ain’t No Sunshine,” and “Lean on Me”—he was a stuttering boy, growing up in a West Virginia mining town. We talked about <span>leaving that small town, caring for his dying father, and what he likes to watch when he's choosing not to exercise in the morning.</span></p> <p>Happy birthday, Mr. Withers. </p>
Jul 04, 2018
Hot Dates: A Middle School Teacher Walks Into A Bar...
6:45
<p>When we first met Miracle, she wasn't on any dating apps<span>—because she still lives in the small city she grew up in, she was afraid she'd come across people she went to high school with. Since we first talked, she decided to try Bumble, and her fears were realized...sort of. </span>Plus, Ceci finds out who her mystery texts are coming from, and Vicki discovers that doctors make good dates. </p> <p><em>All summer, we're following a group of listeners as they date in real time around the country. We're calling this series Hot Dates—if you missed the introductory episode, <a href="https://www.wnycstudios.org/story/death-sex-money-hot-dates-kickoff?tab=summary">go back and listen to it first</a>. </em></p>
Jun 27, 2018
Manhood, Now
42:14
<p>"D<em>on’t be weak. Don’t be small. Don’t be poor. Don’t be emotional. Don’t be feminine. Don’t be aggressive. Don’t be unapproachable. Don’t be sexist. Don’t be patronizing. Don’t be entitled. Don’t be unemotional. Don’t be big. Don’t be loud.</em></p> <p><em>You might notice a lot of contradictions here."</em></p> <p>We're in a moment where what it means to be a man is shifting—and to some men, it feels like there are a lot of mixed messages floating around. As one man put it to us, "there’s a very unclear set of expectations as far as how a man should behave." But while we've heard a lot of talk <em>about</em> men in this moment, we've heard fewer conversations <em>with</em> men. So we asked you: what's the most confusing thing about being a man today?</p> <p>A recent college graduate named Alex, 23, worries about women not seeing him as masculine enough and explains why he spends time in toxic corners of “the manosphere.” A kindergarten teacher named Jack, 33, says his students embrace gender fluidity in the classroom, but as a trans man, he has found himself running up against gender norms outside school. Dre, 47, a former drug dealer who’s now a business owner, thinks back on the life-and-death stakes of being seen as masculine when he was dealing and reflects on how his values have changed since. And Luke*, 71, describes what it means for him to be an “impotent older man” after finding his identity as a young man through lots of casual sex.</p> <p>In their stories, and in those of the other men we spoke to for this episode, we heard confusion, ambivalence, resentment, and also optimism—a sense that in this moment of transition, there's more space for men to figure out what kind of men they actually want to be. Others feel unmoored without a new roadmap to follow. "I get this kind of paralysis," a listener named Duane told me, "Where you’re trying to be all these different things at the same time and unlearn past behaviors, and I know I’m not the only one that gets stuck there."</p> <div class="nypr-pull-quote__wrapper"> <blockquote class="nypr-pull-quote"> <p><span><em>There’s a very unclear set of expectations as far as how a man should behave.</em></span></p> </blockquote> </div> <p>And we also wanted to bring more of you into the conversation<span>—so we got together for an hour of live radio about manhood, now</span>. CNN's W. Kamau Bell joined me, and together, we took your calls from across the country about shifting expectations for men right now, the ways you're reevaluating the role models you've had, and how we can all get better at having these conversations together:</p> <p><iframe frameborder="0" height="54" src="https://www.wnyc.org/widgets/ondemand_player/deathsexmoney2/#file=/audio/json/868020/&amp;share=1" width="100%"></iframe></p> <p>Beyond our conversations with <em>Death, Sex &amp; Money</em> listeners, we also wanted to get a sense of how men are thinking about being men right now on a broader scale. So in partnership with FiveThirtyEight and SurveyMonkey, <a href="https://fivethirtyeight.com/features/what-do-men-think-it-means-to-be-a-man">we surveyed over 1600 American men</a> about what they learned about being men, where they learned it from, and which lessons they’re rethinking in this moment. </p> <p>You can see the <a href="https://github.com/fivethirtyeight/data/tree/master/masculinity-survey">full results of that survey data here</a>, but here are a few statistics that stood out to us:</p> <p>A majority of men said that they feel external pressure from society, and those numbers are especially high for younger men.</p> <div class="embedded-image" style="max-width: 600px;"><img class="mcePuppyImage" src="https://media.wnyc.org/i/600/518/l/80/1/masculinity-1.png" alt=""></div> <p>On top of feeling pressure from society, men also feel their own internal stresses, especially around issues of body image and money. </p> <div class="embedded-image" style="max-width: 738px;"><img class="mcePuppyImage" src="https://media.wnyc.org/i/738/591/l/80/1/masculinity-2.png" alt="" width="721" height="577"></div> <p>But even as they feel those stresses, many men deal with them alone. Nearly half said they <strong>frequently or sometimes feel lonely</strong>, more than 40% say they've <strong>never or rarely ask a friend for personal advice</strong>, and more than two-thirds of men say they've <strong>never been to see a therapist</strong>. </p> <p>To read more findings from the survey, <a href="https://fivethirtyeight.com/features/what-do-men-think-it-means-to-be-a-man">head over to FiveThirtyEight</a>. </p> <p><em>*Name changed</em></p> <div style="max-width: 800px; margin: 0 auto 2em;"> <div data-pym-src="https://apps.nypr.org/call-to-action/?brand=wnyc-studios&amp;headline=Want%20more%20on%20masculinity%3F&amp;url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.wnycstudios.org%2Fstory%2Fmanhood-now-reading-list%2F&amp;callToAction=see%20the%20list&amp;summary=We%20asked%20our%20listeners%20to%20tell%20us%20the%20books%2C%20articles%20and%20podcasts%20that%20have%20helped%20shape%20their%20thinking%20around%20gender.">Loading...<hr> <p><em> Click <a href="https://www.wnycstudios.org/shows/deathsexmoney/manhoodtranscript/">here</a> to read a transcript of the episode.</em></p> <p><em>We want to hear your reactions to this episode! Share them on social using the hashtag #ManhoodNow, or email us: deathsexmoney@wnyc.org </em> </p> <div style="max-width: 800px; margin: 0 auto;"> <div data-pym-src="https://apps.nypr.org/newsletter-signup/?brand=wnyc-studios-gray&amp;headline=Stay%20in%20the%20conversation%20about%20manhood%E2%80%94sign%20up%20for%20our%20newsletter!&amp;mailchimpId=566f296761">Loading...</div> </div> <script type="text/javascript" src="https://pym.nprapps.org/pym.v1.min.js"></script> </div> </div>
Jun 20, 2018
Hot Dates: Help from an OKCupid Guru
8:27
<p>In the third installment of our series Hot Dates, we check in with Louis, who's trying to date in D.C. and frustrated by how it's going. It's still hard<span>—so we asked Tobin Low, cohost of the WNYC Studios podcast <a href="https://www.wnycstudios.org/shows/nancy">Nancy</a>, to weigh in with some advice from his own time on OKCupid. </span>Plus, Ceci tells us about some anonymous texts she's been getting.</p> <p><em>All summer, we're following a group of listeners as they date in real time around the country. We're calling this series Hot Dates—if you missed the introductory episode, <a href="https://www.wnycstudios.org/story/death-sex-money-hot-dates-kickoff">go back and listen to it first.</a></em></p> <p><em>And if you're looking to expand your social circle—romantic or otherwise—check out </em>Nancy's<em> friendship project: <a href="http://www.wnycstudios.org/shows/nancy/gaggle/">How to Get a Gaggle.</a></em></p>
Jun 14, 2018
Hot Dates: Do As I Say, Not As I Do
5:45
<p>When we met Thomas in our first episode of Hot Dates, he was trying to avoid jumping into anything too quickly. It's June, and he's got an update on his love life.</p> <p><em>All summer, we're following a group of listeners as they date in real time around the country. We're calling this series Hot Dates<span>—i</span>f you missed the introductory episode, <a href="https://www.wnycstudios.org/story/death-sex-money-hot-dates-kickoff">go back and listen to it first</a>. </em></p>
Jun 08, 2018
John Prine Wanted to Be Normal
25:08
<p>I've loved John Prine's music a long time<em>—</em>I grew up singing his songs around campfires in West Virginia. But before he was a regular in my music collection, John was performing at open mics in Chicago, and paying his bills by delivering mail. So when he hit it big with his first album in 1971, he says that getting use to fame was a shock. "I was writing about things private to me and dear to me," he told me. "And to have people know me before they shook my hand was odd to me." And John says that in his life, he's felt odd himself. "That’s how I ended up making my living, being Mr. Oddball," he says. "I get these thoughts, and I like to make them into songs. They might sound odd at the time, but then people connect to them throughout their life. And it turns out I’m doing something that may resemble something solid."</p> <p>In the years since getting famous, John has started a family, battled cancer twice, and along the way, gotten more comfortable with being known. His new album is <em>The Tree of Forgiveness<span>—</span></em>and it's brought him the best album sales of his career<span>. To get it written, John told me, his wife and stepson sent him to a hotel room in Nashville and told him to get to work. "I would knock around during the day and go get a hot dog," he told me about his writing process. "And at nighttime, I’d start writing about three in the morning, order room service up, have a party by myself and end up with a couple songs every day." </span></p> <p> </p> <p> </p> <p> </p>
Jun 06, 2018
Hot Dates: Romance Right Now
24:37
<p>A <em>lot</em> is changing about how we date right now, from how we meet people, to who pays, and how we talk about sex. It's complicated, but for many people, summer is the time to try. So as we head into the warmer months, we've asked a group of listeners to let us check in with them as they date. In this first episode, you'll meet:</p> <p><span>• </span>Louis, a guy in Washington D.C., who's constantly ghosted by the men he matches with on dating apps.</p> <p><span>• </span>Miracle, a woman in Alabama who's not using dating apps at all...but isn't having better luck meeting people at her church.</p> <p><span>• </span>"Thomas," a young divorcee we originally met in <a href="https://www.wnycstudios.org/story/cut-loose-breakups-death-sex-money/">our episode about breakups</a>, who's learning to keep things casual.</p> <p><span>• </span>Jessie, a software developer in Montana who's figuring out how to be comfortable earning more than most of the men she dates.</p> <p><span>• </span>Dan, a recent widower who's navigating the new rules of consent and gender dynamics. </p> <p><span>• </span>Ceci, a 36 year old woman in Sacramento who's looking for commitment, but knows not to settle to find it. </p> <p><span>• </span>Vicki, a journalist in her sixties who's enjoying casual dating and sex, and has no interest in becoming a caregiver to an older boyfriend.</p> <p><span>• </span>And June, a college Junior who uses Tinder to scope out who around her is single and looking.</p> <p>We'll be checking back in with these listeners over the course of the summer as they swipe their way to love...or at least, some good stories.</p> <div data-pym-src="https://apps.nypr.org/playlist/?brand=wnyc-studios&amp;title=So...%20what's%20happened%20since%3F&amp;blurb=Listen%20to%20all%20the%20updates%20from%20our%20summer%20daters&amp;stories=death-sex-money-hot-dates-kickoff%2Chot-dates-thomas-1%2Cdeath-sex-money-hot-dates-dan-update%2Chot-dates-jessie-june%2Cdeath-sex-money-hot-dates-ceci-miracle%2Cdeath-sex-money-hot-dates-last-summer-nights">Loading...</div> <script type="text/javascript" src="https://pym.nprapps.org/pym.v1.min.js"></script>
May 30, 2018
Tayari Jones on Frills and Freedom
25:21
<p>Tayari Jones’ first step towards becoming a bestselling author was quitting. When she left a PhD program in literature at the University of Iowa in her early 20s, she worried about getting in trouble and disappointing her parents, who were both academics.</p> <p>Instead, two decades later, she says that decision ushered in the best times of her life. “I wanted a kind of life I had never seen before,” she told me. “I was always really attracted to women who seemed to be eccentric and kind of uncontrollable. I wanted them to teach me how they came to be so free.”</p> <p>I talk to her about pushing back against the unspoken confines of womanhood, in her writing and in her life, and about how a phone call from Oprah changed everything for her.  </p>
May 16, 2018
Your Student Loan Updates
24:20
<p>"Being an adult and taking on adult things has definitely made me grow up a little bit," Jordan Gibbs told me when we talked recently. "It’s been a little bit of a roller coaster." </p> <p>Last spring, Jordan was just one of the many listeners who told us about their student loan debt. When we first talked, she wasn't paying hers at all. It was a secret from everyone in her life, including her parents. But as we were putting together our original batch of episodes, she made one hefty payment<span>—</span>and, as she told me recently, she's continued to stay on top of her finances. "I looked through my bank account and started x-ing things off the list," she says. "Looking at my spending at the end of the month, I was just like, wow. You can definitely afford to pay your student loans." </p> <p>In this episode, I check in with several other listeners who we met in our student loans series<span>—</span>like Josie, who decided to attend a more affordable state school because she'd have to take on less debt; Sharif, who questioned the American dream after being buried in more than $100,000 in loans; and Jessie, whose engagement was called off over differing opinions about debt and having children. </p> <p> </p> <p> </p>
May 02, 2018
When 'Daddy Dates' Pay The Bills
25:21
<p>When Lizzie* joined the website Seeking Arrangement as a college undergraduate, she thought it would be a short-term thing. The “sugar daddy” website mostly connects wealthy older men with attractive young women—“sugar babies”—who they pay for sex and dates. Two years after joining, Lizzie calls herself a professional sugar baby, although she keeps her work secret from everyone except a small circle of friends. She says she brings in $4,000 to $5,000 a month from various arrangements—far more than she makes from her job as a freelance copywriter.</p> <p>Lizzie sees the relationships as purely transactional, but she says the men often don’t treat it that way. “They think they’re getting better girls if they’re not actually escorts,” she told me. I spoke with Lizzie about why she prefers seeing men who are new to Seeking Arrangement, and how she navigates her double life. </p> <p> </p> <p>*Name changed</p> <p> </p>
Apr 18, 2018
A Son, A Mother, and Two Gun Crimes
27:16
<p>We first heard Dwayne Betts' story in <a href="https://www.wnycstudios.org/shows/caught"><em>Caught</em>, the new podcast series about juvenile justice from WNYC</a>. Today, Dwayne is 37, a poet, father of two and a Yale Law School graduate. He's getting his PhD in law there now. But as a 16-year-old, Dwayne carjacked someone at a mall, and was sent to prison for almost a decade. "The fact that I was a child, I should have been treated differently," Dwayne told us. "And that doesn’t mean I shouldn’t have been punished, that that just means I should have been treated differently." </p> <p>Dwayne's mom, Gloria, was in the courtroom the day her son was sentenced. I wanted to talk with her and Dwayne together, about how she remembers that day and how their family got through the years of Dwayne being locked up. But Gloria told me that around the time that Dwayne was sentenced, suddenly "it just seemed like everything that happened in my life involved a gun." That was something she hid from Dwayne until years later, when he was released from prison. </p>
Apr 04, 2018
Death, Sex & Money's Starter Kit
<p><em>Death, Sex &amp; Money</em> began back in 2014, which means we have a lot of episodes for you to enjoy. But that also means there’s a lot to sift through, if you’re new to the show. So we asked our listeners about some of their must-listen <em>Death, Sex &amp; Money</em> episodes. Here are some of the episodes that they recommended as places to start. </p> <hr> <p> </p> <div class="embedded-image" style="max-width: 800px;"><img class="mcePuppyImage" src="https://media.wnyc.org/i/800/487/l/80/1/alansimpsonandco_fUEaIbj.JPG" alt=""> <div class="image-metadata"> <div class="image-caption"><em>Anna with Ann and Al Simpson at their home in Cody, Wyoming.</em></div> </div> </div> <p><a href="https://www.wnycstudios.org/story/this-senator-saved-my-love-life/">This Senator Saved My Love Life</a> - You have to give it to some elected representatives—they really will respond to the letters you send. Or at least, Senator Alan Simpson did when host Anna Sale's boyfriend, Arthur, sent a plea for help. That’s how she wound up in the Wyoming kitchen of Alan and Ann Simpson, getting advice on maturity, commitment, and of course, sex.</p> <p><a href="https://www.wnycstudios.org/story/how-ellen-burstyn-learned-survival/">Ellen Burstyn’s Lessons in Survival</a> - When Ellen Burstyn was 18, she got on a Greyhound bus going from Detroit to Dallas. She had 50 cents in her pocket and a hunch that she could find work as a model. Now 81, the actress and director, known for her roles in<em> Alice Doesn’t Live Here Anymore</em>, <em>The Exorcist</em>, and<em> Requiem For a Dream</em> says she thinks of herself as a "work in progress," adding, "I know I’m a successful actress, but I don’t feel I’m necessarily a successful person."</p> <p><a href="https://www.wnycstudios.org/story/fatherhood-death-sex-money/">I Was Your Father, Until I Wasn't</a> - Tony became a father in his mid-20s, after a woman he'd had casual sex with got pregnant. He shared custody of their daughter, and said being a dad gave him new purpose in life. But when his daughter was about a year old, Tony decided to take a paternity test<span>—</span>and found out the child he'd been raising as his was not biologically related to him. </p> <p><a href="https://www.wnycstudios.org/story/opportunity-costs-death-sex-money-podcast/">Opportunity Costs series</a> - When have you been most aware of your class status? When we asked our listeners this question, they responded with stories about class and divorce, fertility, friendship, education, race and much more. Listen to the series and read pieces about class and money written by our partners at BuzzFeed News. </p> <div class="embedded-image" style="max-width: 800px;"><img class="mcePuppyImage" src="https://media.wnyc.org/i/800/533/c/80/1/DSC_0297.JPG" alt=""> <div class="image-metadata"> <div class="image-caption"><em>Big Freedia holding a photograph from her senior year in high school. <span>(</span><a href="http://www.rushjagoe.com/">Rush Jagoe</a><span>)</span></em></div> </div> </div> <p><a href="https://www.wnyc.org/story/in-new-orleans/">In New Orleans series</a> - There's no single story about Hurricane Katrina, or about how people have fared in its wake. In this series that we produced around the 10 year anniversary of the storm, we share five very different stories about five people from New Orleans—including bounce artist Big Freedia, the elected New Orleans coroner, and a woman who calls herself the Demo Diva. They all lived in the city when Hurricane Katrina hit. They all live there now. And their lives in the decade since the storm have all been shaped in some way by it and its aftermath. </p> <p><a href="https://www.wnycstudios.org/story/autism-death-sex-money/">Autism Isn't What I Signed Up For</a> - Diane Gill Morris is raising two teenage sons with autism. We first met her when she left a comment on our Facebook page in response to an article about people who are considering having children. "I have sacrificed a huge part of who I am—given up my career, gone broke, accepted social isolation," she wrote. "If someone had told me this is what it would be like, I never would have had kids." Diane talked with us about trying to keep her sons safe as young black men, about how her marriage has changed since the kids' diagnosis, and about how she can both love her sons deeply and mourn the children she never met. </p> <p><a href="https://www.wnycstudios.org/story/death-and-divorce-gave-jane-fonda-strength/">Jane Fonda After Death and Divorce</a> - When actor, fitness guru and activist Jane Fonda found herself newly single at 62, she says she felt whole for the first time. Now, she says she’d disappear into a monastery before getting married again. Hear her talking with host Anna Sale about her mother's suicide when she was a girl, her father Henry Fonda's long decline, and the lessons she learned by choosing to be alone.</p> <p><a href="https://www.wnycstudios.org/story/why-i-steal-death-sex-money/">Why I Steal</a> - Alice* lives in a small town, where the work dries up in the winter. So, she supplements her seasonal unemployment checks by shoplifting. "I do have rules that I follow," she explains. But she also keeps her stealing a secret from her husband and her young daughter. </p> <hr> <p><strong>Happy listening! And since you're new to our show, know that you can email your story ideas or episode responses any time to deathsexmoney@wnyc.org. </strong></p>
Mar 26, 2018
15 Years Later, An Iraq Veteran Looks Back
23:50
<p>Ten days after the start of the war in Iraq, Staff Sergeant Thom Tran crossed the border from Kuwait with his unit. Four days later, he went out on a recon mission, and came millimeters from death when an enemy bullet grazed the back of his head in a firefight. He got relatively lucky; but still, he's spent the last 15 years thinking about how that moment<span>—and his service—have defined his life after the military.</span></p> <p>Because for Thom, coming home after his deployment ended was not easy. "<span>I had a real shit attitude because I'd been shot, my roommate had been killed...I was in a real bad mood all the time," he told me. "So I </span>did what every combat veteran does. I fell into a bottle and I sat there." I talked with him about sharing those experiences with his father, who was a POW in Vietnam, and about how comedy has helped him manage his stress in the years since.</p>
Mar 21, 2018
From Indie Rockers to Full-Time Caregivers
28:11
<p>In 2010, Johnny Solomon's band, Communist Daughter, was on the rise. But behind the scenes, Johnny was struggling<span>—he was </span>drinking heavily, and abusing meth to the tune of $600 a week. "People see it from the outside, but it's impossible to explain from the inside of what it does to your soul," he told me about his addiction. "I did really terrible things to the people I loved." When Johnny realized it was time to get help, he called one of the people he loved most<span>—his mom,</span> Nancy. She paid for him to go to rehab, which helped him get clean and diagnosed him with bipolar disorder. </p> <p>After Johnny got sober and went on medication, the band regrouped and continued touring and putting out albums. But last year, it was Nancy who needed help, as her health declined due to a degenerative nerve disease. So Johnny and his wife<span>—and bandmate—Molly packed up their life in Minnesota and moved in with Nancy and her husband in San Diego. </span></p> <p><span>It's a very different life from the one they were imagining at this point in their marriage, when they were hoping to start a family. And caring for Nancy has meant that their music careers have been put mostly on hold. But Johnny says there are aspects of the change that feel healthy, especially given the difficulties he experienced trying to stay sober in a touring musician's lifestyle. "I love routine," he told me. "I love it, because when things get out of control then I start to really lose control." I went to their shared home to talk with Johnny, Molly and Nancy about what their life together looks like now—and what's been hard about building it.</span></p> <div class="embedded-image" style="max-width: 800px;"><img class="mcePuppyImage" src="https://media.wnyc.org/i/800/600/l/80/1/IMG_0096_wc1A7VA.JPG" alt=""> <div class="image-metadata"> <div class="image-caption">Johnny and Molly Solomon in the backyard of the house they share with Johnny's mom Nancy and her husband.</div> <div class="image-credit">(Anna Sale)</div> </div> </div> <p><span> </span></p>
Mar 14, 2018
Sharing DNA, and Nothing Else
23:05
<p>The consumer genomics industry has exploded in recent years. Websites like Ancestry.com and 23andMe have customer databases in the millions. But for some people, like a woman we met named Amy, the at-home DNA testing craze can bring some unexpected revelations.</p> <p>In 2016, Amy spit into a tube and mailed it to Ancestry.com's DNA testing service. She'd always been interested in genealogy, so the test seemed like the perfect way to learn more about her heritage<span>—but what she found out was that the man who raised her wasn't her biological father. "I</span>t was this moment where time stood still and things got quiet," she says about the day she found out. "And I just sort of received, read it, and then just shut it off in a way that I've never really experienced."</p> <p>After the shock wore off, Amy braced herself to talk with her mother about what she'd discovered. And as she learned more about her donor and his family, she also struggled with whether or not she wanted to be in contact with them—a decision that became even more complicated when Amy found out that her biological father is a staunch Trump supporter, while she had switched careers only months before to become a full-time Democratic campaign worker. "I<span>t's like the universe's funny joke," she says. "'Woman gives up her life to join the Democratic resistance, and finds out she's related to a Trump-Pence supporter.'"</span></p>
Feb 28, 2018
Lena Waithe Says Have a Dream... and a Sponsor
22:48
<p>Writer and actor Lena Waithe moved to Los Angeles in 2006 from Chicago, right out of college. "<span>I transferred my Blockbuster job from Chicago to LA," she told me. "I</span>t was definitely dues-paying time. I wasn’t even paying dues yet. I was just out there figuring it out."</p> <p>Lena's goal in Hollywood was to land a screenwriting gig. Growing up, she'd always loved to write—her fifth grade teacher told her she "writes the way she speaks." And she also knew that she wanted a career far outside of the corporate world that her mother worked in. "This is what hell looks like, whatever it is y'all do all day long," she remembers thinking when her mom would bring her into work as a kid. </p> <p>But those office cubicle jobs were what enabled her mom to financially support Lena during those early days in California. As Lena was making a dollar or two above minimum wage and trying to land small screenwriting gigs, her mom was helping her with her bills. "I think for her it was an investment," Lena says. "She was like, Lena’s going to be somebody. I don’t understand it, but I’ll take it." That's paid off: since landing writing and acting jobs on <em>Bones</em> and<em> Master of None</em>, and creating her new show <em>The Chi</em>, Lena says she's been sending her mom a yearly check. "She sends a text like, 'And I thank you,'" Lena laughs. "And the emoji with the money on its eyes and tongue." </p>
Feb 21, 2018
After Suicides, a Texas Veterinary Community Opens Up
32:05
<blockquote> <p><em>"Stress is in the environment. It's that fast pace.<strong> </strong>[Veterinarians] will do a euthanasia and not stop, and they'll go right to the next case. There's no processing of it."</em></p> </blockquote> <p>Suicide statistics in the veterinary profession are sobering: a 2014 CDC study found that one in six veterinarians has considered suicide, and a British study found that the suicide rate in the veterinary profession might be up to four times higher than that of the general population.</p> <p>But reading the statistics and experiencing the reality of these numbers are two very different things, as the veterinary community in Dallas learned last spring. Over the course of about a month last year, three veterinary workers there—two veterinary techs, and one veterinarian—died by suicide. We went to Dallas to talk to people in the veterinary community about the stresses of their profession, how they remember their colleagues who've died, and what they're doing to take care of each other now—and to prevent more suicides from happening in the future. </p> <hr> <p> </p> <p><em>We're proud to partner with the </em>Dallas Morning News<em> for this story. They've produced <a href="http://www.dallasnews.com/veterinarians">a photo essay</a> to take you inside the veterinary clinic we visited in Dallas, as well as <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uPddfJkHnHk&amp;feature=youtu.be">a video</a> that we've included below. Dr. Kathryn Konieska at the Center for Veterinary Specialty + Emergency Care talks about what the euthanasia process entails, including the emotional toll it can take on a vet. </em></p> <p><em>If you’re considering suicide, or are worried about someone who might be, please get help. We’ve compiled a list of resources <a href="https://www.wnycstudios.org/story/dsm-suicide-resources">here</a>. The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is 1-800-273-8255 and is open 24 hours a day.</em></p> <p> </p> <p><div class="user-embedded-video"><div id="videoplayer_idm139767660976752a94f241e-d271-438c-a8c2-e0067e75d2d9"><iframe width="620" height="349" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/uPddfJkHnHk?wmode=transparent&amp;autohide=1&amp;rel=0&amp;showinfo=0&amp;feature=oembed&amp;enablejsapi=1" frameborder="0" allow="accelerometer; autoplay; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture" allowfullscreen="allowfullscreen" id="a870364594007793079" class="youtube_video" mozallowfullscreen="mozallowfullscreen" webkitallowfullscreen="webkitallowfullscreen" data-original-url="https://youtu.be/uPddfJkHnHk"></iframe></div></div>  </p> <p> </p> <p> </p> <div data-pym-src="https://apps.nypr.org/newsletter-signup/?headline=Stay%20up%20to%20date%20with%20the%20show—subscribe%20to%20the%20Death%2C%20Sex%20%26%20Money%20newsletter&amp;mailchimpId=566f296761">Loading...</div> <script type="text/javascript" src="https://pym.nprapps.org/pym.v1.min.js"></script>
Feb 07, 2018
Suicide Prevention Resources
<p>Struggling with thoughts of suicide, or trying to help a loved one you're worried about can be difficult<span>—</span>and finding help can feel overwhelming, especially when you're already stressed. Here are a list of resources that you may find useful (<em>if you are in immediate danger, call 911 or the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at 1-800-273-8255)</em>: </p> <ul> <li><a href="https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/">The Suicide Prevention Lifeline</a> is open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. They also provide services for specific communities such as disaster survivors, attempt survivors, Native Americans, LGBTQ+, and veterans. </li> </ul> <ul> <li><a href="https://www.thetrevorproject.org/about/#sm.0000f6igwe5iecsaqka2f0uwzk6ie">The Trevor Project</a> is a national organization that focuses on young members of the LGBTQ+ community mainly between the ages of 13 and 24. </li> </ul> <ul> <li><a href="https://save.org/about-suicide/warning-signs-risk-factors-protective-factors/">SAVE</a>, or Suicide Awareness Voices of Education, is an organization that offers education on the warning signs of suicide in hopes of preventing suicide attempts. </li> </ul> <ul> <li><a href="https://www.samhsa.gov/about-us">SAMHSA</a> (the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration) is an agency within the US Department of Health and Human services. They provide a number of services, and have a section on <a href="https://www.samhsa.gov/suicide-prevention">suicide prevention</a>. </li> </ul> <ul> <li>The <a href="https://afsp.org/take-action/">American Foundation for Suicide Prevention</a> is an organization that educates and holds events and fundraisers to educate about mental illness and provide support for loss survivors. </li> </ul> <p> </p> <hr> <p> </p> <p><em>If you have a resource that you think should be on this list, email us at deathsexmoney@wnyc.org.</em></p>
Feb 07, 2018
Opportunity Costs: I Never Felt Inferior
22:28
<p>I first talked to Ernie Major a few years ago, for <a href="https://www.wnycstudios.org/story/living-alone-and-liking-it-sometimes/">our episode about living alone</a>. When we put out our call for class stories, Ernie got in touch again. "<span>I’m retired now, by myself in a single wide trailer," he wrote us, "but I still don’t feel inferior to other people of higher class. In fact, sometimes I feel kind of sorry for them, trapped their web of expectations." </span></p> <p>Ernie is 73, and over the course of his life he's been in a lot of different class brackets. He grew up "dirt poor" as a homesteader, but he had relatives who were quite well off. After serving in Vietnam, he went to college on the G.I. Bill, and worked as a photojournalist before starting a new career in his fifties at an oil refinery. And now, he's on long term disability after a motorcycle accident last year. Those experiences exposed him to a lot of class diversity, but he says as an adult, he's identified as "<span>socially lower middle class, economically a bit better than that," without aspirations to move up.</span> "I look down on people who invest a lot of time and energy into status symbols that can just go away in a second."</p> <p>Yet Ernie also recognizes that being white has allowed him a level of class fluidity--which has fueled some of that emotional detachment from where he fits in the class hierarchy. "I understood early on that [being white] gave you a a a step up even though we were dirt poor," he told me. "And I had my mom’s [upper-middle class] family, so I had a connection with people who were not definitely not the same as us." </p> <div class="embedded-image" style="max-width: 800px;"><img class="mcePuppyImage" src="https://media.wnyc.org/i/800/600/c/80/1/IMG_0293.JPG" alt=""></div> <p><em>Anna took this picture of Ernie after their conversation, with his new Death, Sex &amp; Money "should-less day" mug. Afterward, when we asked Ernie to send us a picture of something that represents his class status, he sent along a picture of his Royal Enfield motorcycle on a wheelchair ramp next to the trailer where he lives. He wrote, "My friends made this ramp after I crushed my foot in an accident. It's the kind of thing that people would do when I was a kid and we lived on a homestead." </em></p> <hr> <p> </p> <p><em>This episode is part of our collaborative series with BuzzFeed called Opportunity Costs: Money and Class in America. To hear more, go to <a href="https://www.wnycstudios.org/story/opportunity-costs-death-sex-money-podcast/">deathsexmoney.org/class</a>.</em></p>
Jan 26, 2018
Opportunity Costs: More Is Not More
24:44
<p>Nishant is a junior at Berkeley. Like a lot of college students, he’s trying to figure out how he thinks about class and money as he moves towards graduation and financial independence from his parents. But Nishant’s dealing with a special set of privileges, and complications: his family is in the one percent. His dad, Vik, immigrated from India with his family as a teenager and then went to medical school. But instead of becoming a doctor, Vik founded a software company instead. It was a gamble that paid off. Within ten years, a Fortune 500 corporation had bought Vik’s company, and the family got rich.</p> <p>Learning to navigate the privileges<span>—</span>and the burdens<span>—</span>of being wealthy is something both father and son struggle with. Vik is aware that his discomfort around wealth brings out a competitive edge in him that he's not proud of. And Nishant worries that <em>his </em>friends at college would think of him as “spoiled” if they found out just how much his family has. As Nishant thinks about what he wants to do after college, he’s also dealing with social pressure to match his parents’ financial success. “There’s some American dream kind of pressure that each generation you do better than the generation that came before you,” he told me. “I would have to get very lucky to accomplish that, and that focus is not one that I want to have.”</p> <p><em>We asked the people we interviewed for this series to submit photos of things they felt represented their class status. Vik sent us this photo of his garage, and wrote, "Some really amazing choices of cars to select from to drive to the gym, but in the end, regardless of the car you drive, you still have to have the self discipline to make time and show up, and work out hard and push yourself. Once you're on the racquetball court or on the treadmill, class has no relevance."</em></p> <hr> <p> </p> <p><em>This episode is part of our collaborative series with BuzzFeed called Opportunity Costs: Money and Class in America. To hear more, go to <a href="https://www.wnycstudios.org/story/opportunity-costs-death-sex-money-podcast/">deathsexmoney.org/class</a>.</em></p> <p><em>To hear Anna and Vik talk about the Opportunity Costs series with WNYC's Brian Lehrer, click <a href="https://www.wnyc.org/story/lets-talk-about-class-anna-sale">here</a>. </em></p>
Jan 25, 2018
Opportunity Costs: The Class Slide After Divorce
26:04
<p>A decade ago, Jaimie Seaton and her family were living overseas in Asia while her husband worked as a high-ranking executive at Citibank. "We lived in a huge house with a pool and staff and a driver," Jaimie told me. "We always traveled business class. We always stayed in 5-star hotels. We always had a lot of parties."</p> <p>"From where I sit now and how I have to economize, I just kind of shake my head at the amount of money I wasted." </p> <p>Jaimie's financial picture looks quite different today. A year after moving back to the U.S., her marriage suddenly ended. At that point, Jaimie hadn't been working much. "I never made much money during my marriage," Jaimie said. "I never needed to." She quickly got a temporary job, but says her spending habits didn't immediately change. "I think of it like a large ship," she said. "It takes a while to turn."</p> <p>Now, Jaimie brings in some money as a freelance writer, and receives monthly alimony and child support payments. But much of that will end when her children leave the house. "I’m really afraid of being old and being poverty stricken," Jaimie told me. And, she says that she and her kids feel uncomfortable now in social situations where they used to feel that they belonged. "I feel uncomfortable partly because of the money, but mostly because they’re all still married and their families are intact," Jaimie said. "It’s hard to be around it." </p> <p>Jaimie wrote a piece for BuzzFeed about her class transition after her divorce. <a href="https://www.buzzfeed.com/jaimieseaton/from-one-world-to-another?utm_term=.anYy6KlKy#.lybyxR7Ry">Read it here</a>. </p> <p> </p> <p><em>We asked the people we interviewed for this series to submit photos of things they felt represented their class status. "In this picture, I am lying on a private beach in Florida, when I was staying with a friend a few summers ago," Jaimie wrote. While she's cut out a lot of her expenses, Jaimie told us, "I still get a pedicure—my toes are always done. You get a lot of bang for your buck. It lasts a whole month and it costs $30." </em></p> <hr> <p> </p> <p><em>This episode is part of our collaborative series with BuzzFeed called Opportunity Costs: Money and Class in America. To hear more, go to <a href="http://www.wnycstudios.org/deathsexmoney.org/class">deathsexmoney.org/class</a>.</em></p>
Jan 24, 2018
Opportunity Costs: An Education or Nothing
<p>When Ramal Johnson imagined his life as a PhD student at Howard University, he didn't picture waking up at 4 A.M. to work double retail shifts in addition to his coursework. But last semester, when he was struggling to keep up with rent and student loan payments, that's what his days looked like. Even with his jobs at Best Buy and Express, he wasn't always making enough to cover the cost of living in the D.C. area. "I kind of felt like a failure," he says. "I was just depressed, I was sad, and I was angry, but at nobody in particular. I guess I was just angry at the situation."</p> <p>But, he says, the tradeoffs feel worth it. Like a lot of students, Ramal sees education as a way up the class ladder. "There’s a pretty good chance I’ll be making six figures in the future," he told me. Right now, Ramal says he's straddling the middle and working class—he grew up on a military base, and now, he says, he’s kept a "middle class mentality" while he tries to keep up with the financial reality of his almost $200,000 in student loan debt. But, he told me, it's a burden that he says felt necessary to take on. "Especially as an African American male, people don’t take me seriously in the first place," he said. "With a PhD I’ll have more of a chance."</p> <p><em>If you're curious about whether you're considered in the middle class based on your location and the number of people in your household, check out <a href="http://www.pewresearch.org/fact-tank/2016/05/11/are-you-in-the-american-middle-class/">this class calculator</a> from the Pew Research Center.</em></p> <p><em>We asked the people we interviewed for this series to submit photos of things they felt represented their class status. Ramal sent us this photo of Howard University, where he is getting his doctoral degree in communications. </em></p> <hr> <p> </p> <p><em>This episode is part of our collaborative series with BuzzFeed called Opportunity Costs: Money and Class in America. To hear more, go to <a href="https://www.wnycstudios.org/story/opportunity-costs-death-sex-money-podcast/">deathsexmoney.org/class</a>.</em></p>
Jan 23, 2018
Opportunity Costs: Friendship and Fertility
<p>We heard from more than 400 of you when we asked you for your stories about when you've felt your class status the most. Our listener Cat in Chicago told us it's a question she's been waiting "literally 20 years for someone to ask."</p> <p>Cat wrote to us about her best friend, Christine. They met in college, and have stayed really close in the years since. But when they both struggled to get pregnant, Cat had a lot more options. She describes herself as upper-middle class—she and her husband own their own home, and bring in more than six figures per year. Christine comes from a working class background, and the incomes she and her husband make in the theater industry barely cover their bills. So as Cat was able to afford the expenses of adopting a child, Christine was told by her doctors to keep trying to get pregnant naturally. It didn't happen. </p> <p>"I feel this sort of guilt about kids," Cat told us. "I know that she knows about that. We've we've talked about that before." </p> <p>I talked with Cat and Christine together about how their class differences have impacted their friendship and the families they've been able to build. "Over the years I have just kind of let go of a lot of things let go of of trying to compare or keep up," Christine says. "You want your best friend to have this awesome life. Of course you do." </p> <p><br><em>We asked the people we interviewed for this series to submit photos of things they felt represented their class status. Cat sent us this photo of her living room. She wrote, "It is a super over-the-top room, but it was the first thing we saw when we walked into the house with the realtor and I just love it. Rumor is that the house was built by a mob attorney (as if you could get more Chicago than that); evidence in this room is that there's actually a wall safe hidden behind one of the panels."</em></p> <hr> <p> </p> <p><em>This episode is part of our collaborative series with BuzzFeed called Opportunity Costs: Money and Class in America. To hear more, go to <a href="https://www.wnycstudios.org/story/opportunity-costs-death-sex-money-podcast/">deathsexmoney.org/class</a>.</em></p>
Jan 22, 2018
Opportunity Costs: Money and Class in America
<p>In partnership with </p> <p><a href="https://www.buzzfeed.com/opportunitycosts"><img src="https://media.wnyc.org/i/raw/1/BuzzfeedLogo.png" alt="" width="100"></a></p> <p> </p> <p><strong>Death, Sex &amp; Money is partnering with <a href="https://www.buzzfeed.com/opportunitycosts">BuzzFeed News</a> to share conversations and essays about class and money—and the ways they manifest in our day to day lives and in our relationships with each other. </strong></p> <p><strong>Read BuzzFeed's reported pieces and essays about money and class<span>—</span>including one from Anna!<span>—</span><a href="https://www.buzzfeed.com/opportunitycosts">here</a>.  </strong></p> <p> </p> <h3>Episode 5: I Never Felt Inferior </h3> <p><iframe frameborder="0" height="130" scrolling="no" src="https://www.wnyc.org/widgets/ondemand_player/deathsexmoney2/#file=/audio/json/825674/&amp;share=1" width="100%"></iframe></p> <p>Ernie Major self-identifies as "socially lower middle class, economically a bit better than that." But he also says status has never been something he paid much attention to. </p> <p> </p> <h3>Episode 4: More is Not More </h3> <p><iframe frameborder="0" height="130" scrolling="no" src="https://www.wnyc.org/widgets/ondemand_player/deathsexmoney2/#file=/audio/json/825675/&amp;share=1" width="100%"></iframe></p> <p>For a father and son whose family is in the 1%, having resources that "exceed their wants" brings its own set of challenges.  </p> <p> </p> <h3>Episode 3: The Class Slide After Divorce </h3> <p><iframe frameborder="0" height="130" scrolling="no" src="https://www.wnyc.org/widgets/ondemand_player/deathsexmoney2/#file=/audio/json/825673/&amp;share=1" width="100%"></iframe></p> <p>Jaimie Seaton got used to an upper class lifestyle while married to her banker husband and living overseas. Then she got divorced, and her financial picture totally changed.</p> <p>Read Jaimie's BuzzFeed piece <a href="https://www.buzzfeed.com/jaimieseaton/from-one-world-to-another?utm_term=.anYy6KlKy#.lybyxR7Ry">about class changes after divorce here</a>.  </p> <p> </p> <h3>Episode 2: An Education, or Nothing</h3> <p><iframe frameborder="0" height="130" scrolling="no" src="https://www.wnyc.org/widgets/ondemand_player/deathsexmoney2/#file=/audio/json/825672/&amp;share=1" width="100%"></iframe></p> <p>Ramal Johnson has a "middle class mentality," a working class paycheck, and upper class aspirations. </p> <p>Looking for the Pew Research Center class calculator? <a href="http://www.pewresearch.org/fact-tank/2016/05/11/are-you-in-the-american-middle-class/">Find it here.</a> </p> <p> </p> <h3> <strong>Episode 1: Friendship and Fertility</strong> </h3> <p><iframe frameborder="0" height="130" scrolling="no" src="https://www.wnyc.org/widgets/ondemand_player/deathsexmoney2/#file=/audio/json/825671/&amp;share=1" width="100%"></iframe></p> <p>Best friends Cat and Christine met in college and have stayed close since. But their class differences became very clear—and uncomfortable—when they both struggled to get pregnant.</p> <p> </p> <hr> <p> </p> <p>For several months, we've been asking for your stories about when you've felt your class status the most. <strong>Now, we're sharing five conversations about class </strong>and the ways it intersects with different parts of our lives. Two best friends talk about how being on the opposite ends of the middle class have impacted their ability to start families. A first-generation college student deep in debt bemoans how hard it is to climb up the class ladder—and how easy it is to fall down it. A mother of two teenagers talks about how her life looks different after her financial situation changed post-divorce. A son talks with his father about how their family became part of the 1%—and why it's not all it's cracked up to be. And a 73-year-old Vietnam vet who never got comfortable in the professional world reflects on how being white allowed him a level of fluidity in class status not afforded some of his non-white colleagues and friends.</p> <p> </p> <p><iframe frameborder="0" height="130" scrolling="no" src="https://www.wnyc.org/widgets/ondemand_player/deathsexmoney2/#file=/audio/json/827204/&amp;share=1" width="100%"></iframe></p> <p> </p> <hr> <p> </p> <div data-pym-src="https://apps.nypr.org/call-to-action/?headline=%22Class%20is%20a%20level%20of%20pride%20or%20shame.%22&amp;summary=Tell%20us%20about%20your%20class%20pride%20and%20shame%E2%80%94and%20a%20song%20that%20represents%20your%20class%20status.&amp;callToAction=Take%20Our%20Survey&amp;url=https%3A%2F%2Fwnyc.typeform.com%2Fto%2FbAB405&amp;mailchimpId=566f296761">Loading...</div> <script type="text/javascript" src="https://pym.nprapps.org/pym.v1.min.js"></script> <p> </p> <p>"Class is complicated. So, so complicated," a listener named Jessica wrote to us when we asked for your stories about class.</p> <p>While it pops up in many ways in our lives, class is a term that can be hard to pin down, and isn't just about money. "My class is defined by my home and my education," one listener wrote. "Class is your ability to rebound from inevitable setbacks," another said. "Class does not define our worth or ability as humans," wrote another listener. And a listener from the UK wrote about class, "We embrace it as who we are, not what we want to become."</p> <p>One of our favorite class definitions came from Elizabeth in El Paso, Texas, who wrote, "I feel like class is a level of pride or shame." <strong>So we want to hear from you: what embarrasses you about your current class status, and what makes you feel pride? </strong>To read through what your fellow listeners have told us already, <a href="http://dsmclass.community/">click here</a>. </p> <p><strong>Plus, we ask you to tell us a song that sums up where you fit, class-wise.</strong> Check out the Spotify playlist we built from your suggestions <a href="https://open.spotify.com/user/deathsexmoney/playlist/0tS4ZVI2ze6wgpiuxkYGYP">here</a>. </p> <p> </p> <hr> <p> </p> <p>Stay in touch with us! Sign up for our newsletter and we'll keep you up to date about what's happening behind the scenes at Death, Sex &amp; Money. Plus, we'll send you audio recommendations, letters from our inbox and a note from Anna. Join the Death, Sex &amp; Money community and subscribe today.</p> <p> </p> <div data-pym-src="https://apps.nypr.org/newsletter-signup/?mailchimpId=566f296761&amp;headline=Subscribe%20to%20the%20Death%2C%20Sex%20%26%20Money%20newsletter">Loading...</div> <script type="text/javascript" src="https://pym.nprapps.org/pym.v1.min.js"></script>
Jan 17, 2018
Preview: Opportunity Costs
2:03
<p>For the past few months, we've been asking you for stories about class. We heard from more than 400 of you about moving up, moving down, and struggling to define where you stand in the first place. One thing that was clear for everyone, though, is that class is something we talk around, but rarely address head on.</p> <p><strong>So next week (January 22-26), in partnership with BuzzFeed News, we're bringing you five in-depth conversations about class</strong>—and the ways it manifests in your day-to-day lives and in your relationships with each other. Two best friends talk about how being on the opposite ends of the middle class have impacted their ability to start families. A first-generation college student deep in debt bemoans how hard it is to climb up the class ladder—and how easy it is to fall down it. A mother of two teenagers talks about how her family's social life looks different after her financial situation changed post-divorce. A son talks with his father about how their family became part of the 1%—and why it's not all it's cracked up to be. And a 73-year-old Vietnam vet who never got comfortable in the professional world reflects on how being white allowed him a level of fluidity in class status not afforded some of his non-white colleagues and friends.</p> <p>We're calling this project "<a href="https://www.wnycstudios.org/story/opportunity-costs-death-sex-money-podcast/">Opportunity Costs</a>," because there are tradeoffs and choices when it comes to money and status—and and a whole lot of chance, too. Look for a new episode in your feed every morning next week. In the meantime, take our class pride and shame <a href="https://wnyc.typeform.com/to/bAB405">survey</a>—and tell us a song that sums up your class status!</p>
Jan 17, 2018
If You're Being Harassed At Work
<p>If you've been harassed or bullied on the job and are wondering what you can do about it, knowing where to start can be hard. Here are some resources you might find useful:</p> <ul> <li>The <a href="https://www.timesupnow.com/">Time's Up Legal Defense Fund</a> is a new initiative that offers subsidized legal aid to men and women who have experienced harassment or bullying on the job.</li> </ul> <ul> <li>From the <em>New York Times, </em><a href="https://www.nytimes.com/2017/11/10/style/sexual-harassment-work-advice-lawyers.html?_r=1gm">a roundup of advice from lawyers</a> about what concrete steps you can take right now to document and report harassment or bullying you've experienced as it's happening<span>—and what you can do next.</span></li> </ul> <ul> <li>The National Women's Law Center has a <a href="https://nwlc.org/state-by-state/">state-by-state breakdown</a> of laws and policies designed to help protect women in each state, as well as <a href="https://nwlc.org/issue/workplace/">resources for workplace discrimination</a> of all sorts, including sexual harassment and wage gaps.</li> </ul> <ul> <li>On Feminist.org, there's <a href="http://www.feminist.org/911/harass_af.html">a state-by-state directory of hotlines</a> you can call to deal with emergency situations, as well as contact information for local organizations and agencies who can help closer to home.</li> </ul> <ul> <li>If you feel you have been the victim of discrimination at work and your employer has been unresponsive to your complaints, you can <a href="https://www.eeoc.gov/employees/howtofile.cfm">file a charge of employment discrimination</a> with the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission (EEOC). </li> </ul> <ul> <li>And outside of work, if you need to talk to someone but are on a limited budget, <a href="https://openpathcollective.org/">Open Path Collective</a> is a network of mental health professionals who offer their services at a sharply reduced rate to people in need. </li> </ul> <p>If you have a resource that you think should be on this list, email us at deathsexmoney@wnyc.org.</p>
Jan 03, 2018
All Your Workplace Rage
10:46
<p><em>"Phew, that felt good."</em></p> <p><em>"Wow, 30 seconds goes by real fast."</em></p> <p><em>"I actually really needed this."</em><em>               </em></p> <p>A few weeks ago, <a href="https://www.wnyc.org/story/workplace-rage-death-sex-money">we asked you to send us 30-second voice memos</a> with your anger about harassment and bullying you've experienced at work<span>—</span>and the advice you'd give your younger self about what you don't have to put up with. And you all were ready to vent! You sent us stories about sexism and racism, physical harassment and psychological abuse, from bosses and co-workers male and female alike. Some of you were thinking back on things that happened to you decades ago; some of you are right in the middle of figuring out how to deal with a bad situation.</p> <p>One thing was clear<span>—lots of you feel like you haven't been able to talk about this before</span>. So this week, we're bringing you a supercut of your stories, and your anger. Let's rage.</p> <p><br><em>If you're currently dealing with harassment or bullying at work, click <a href="https://www.wnycstudios.org/story/death-sex-money-harassment-resources/">here</a> for a list of resources you might find helpful.</em></p> <p><em>And for even more rage, check out today's new episode of the podcast <a href="https://forabadtimecall.squarespace.com/">For A Bad Time Call</a>—it's a special episode devoted specifically to workplace anger.</em></p> <p><em>Special thanks to SassyBlack for composing original music for this episode. You can find more of her work <a href="https://sassyblack.bandcamp.com/">here</a>. </em></p> <p> </p>
Jan 03, 2018
Pull Quote: Plunging In
2:21
<p>Happy new year! We've got a special treat for you today.</p> <p>You may have heard that we've been working on an experiment, a new mini-podcast series called Pull Quote. The episodes are short audio gems that we've dug up from our archives and from elsewhere.</p> <p>This week, we're sending our first batch of episodes to those of you who've donated to support the show. But as we start the this new year together, we thought we'd share the first Pull Quote with all of you: some words of wisdom about beginnings from writer Jamaica Kincaid. </p> <p>We’ve had a lot of fun making these, and it's not too late to sign up to hear them all. If you want to hear the other Pull Quote episodes we’ve made, <a href="https://pledge3.wnyc.org/donate/death-sex-and-money/onestep/?ref=podcast-redirect">chip in $30 or more right now</a>. We’ll email you a special link every morning for a week where you can listen in. Plus, you'll get to tell us what you think about this Pull Quote series and whether we should make more.</p> <p>Thanks so much to those of you who've given money and supported our show. We really appreciate it. Look out for a new episode from us later this week.</p> <p>—</p> <p><em>Special thanks to composer and sound designer Hannis Brown for his scoring work on our Pull Quote series. </em></p> <p> </p>
Jan 01, 2018
I Felt Like The Story Had To Change: Life After Heroin
25:51
<p>When my friend Danielle was in high school, she was hanging out in her hometown of Merrick, Long Island, going to punk shows and fighting with her mom—like a lot of teenagers. But when she was 19, her mom died, and Danielle's experimentation with drugs and alcohol really accelerated. By the time she was 25, she was using heroin daily. She says that in some ways, her mom's death gave her a justification for using. "It sounds horrible to say, but I remember when my mom passed me kind of feeling a sense of relief," she told me. "I was like, oh, I finally have my thing. I have my baggage that I've been looking for."  </p> <p>I met Danielle when we were both in our late 20s. At that point, Danielle was about a year sober. We're close, but in the years since we became friends, I'd never talked in detail with her about that earlier time in her life. So I asked her if I could interview her about her heroin addiction and the process of getting sober. I also wanted to know how she thinks about it now—especially as she's preparing to become a first-time parent and go through childbirth with a medical history that makes things more complicated. "On the first visit with the midwives I told them I don't want them to prescribe me anything addictive or any opiates, if we can get around it," she told me. "If I do get prescribed something then I won't hold that bottle. I'll have my husband give me the pill."</p> <p>Looking back, Danielle says she's acutely aware of how differently her story could have gone. Following another year of record overdose deaths in the U.S., Danielle says that she reads the stories of people who die from addiction, and it's an uncomfortable experience. "I see myself in them," she told me. "I'm not better than any of those people. I don't have a stronger constitution. I'm not more moral. I'm not smarter. I'm not anything. I just happened to hear a message, and was able to follow up and take steps and do some work and make this change." </p> <p><em>Click <a href="http://www.wnyc.org/story/mark-strickland-death-sex-money">here</a> to listen to my conversation about addiction from the other side, with an EMT supervisor who's on the front lines of the opioid crisis in my hometown of Charleston, West Virginia. </em></p>
Dec 20, 2017
I Can't Fix It: A First Responder and Heroin
23:21
<p>Mark Strickland knew he wanted to be a first responder when he was five years old. "It was a way to help people," he told me. "You're giving everything you've got to help people in distress, no matter what it may be." </p> <p>When he first started working as an EMT in my hometown of Charleston, West Virginia back in the 1990s, Mark says that his job rarely involved reviving people after drug overdoses. But in recent years, as heroin and other opioids have ravaged the Charleston community, he says that's changed. Overdose calls are a near-daily occurrence for Mark and his colleagues—in fact, he got was called away to one while we talked.</p> <p>While the national opioid overdose death rate has been steadily climbing over the last several years, nowhere is the situation more dire than in West Virginia. In 2015, the state had the highest drug overdose death rate in the country, at 41.5 per 100,000 deaths. Mark and his colleagues see the people behind those statistics. And when they see the same patients overdosing time after time, it can feel like fighting an uphill battle. He says that he's still figuring out a vocabulary for work-related stress that feels appropriate. "By and large, most first responders will shun away from the P.T.S.D. phrase," he says. "That's what guys get from coming home from Afghanistan and Iraq because they've earned that. You're in a foreign country, taking hostile fire [...] I'm still in America. I'm good, brother. I can go to the store get a six pack."</p> <p>In the midst of finding ways to deal with his own stress, Mark is also raising three boys, and thinking about how he wants to prepare them to make good choices. He's honest with his kids about what he's seen drugs do to people—and he gives them an out if anyone tries to convince them to try any. "Tell 'em no, my Dad makes me pee in a cup," he told me. And Mark also said that he doesn't want his sons to follow in his footsteps as a first responder. "<span>I guess the parent in me wants to shield my kids from bad things."</span></p>
Dec 13, 2017
Your Workplace Rage, And Mine
9:04
<p>This past weekend, <em>New York Magazine</em> <a href="https://www.thecut.com/2017/12/public-radio-icon-john-hockenberry-accused-of-harassment.html">published a story</a> detailing a pattern of alleged sexual misconduct and bullying by John Hockenberry, the former host of WNYC's show <em>The Takeaway</em>. The story includes allegations of forcible kissing, excerpts of inappropriate online messages Hockenberry sent to staff and guests, and descriptions of a pervasive culture of intimidation on the show that was most publicly directed against three of Hockenberry's cohosts<span>—</span>all women of color<span>—</span>who left <em>The Takeaway</em> one after the other, while he stayed. </p> <p>This story is part of a much larger conversation we're having about sexual harassment, and about misconduct of all kinds in the workplace—but this one hits close to home. I worked on <em>The Takeaway</em> from 2009-2010, and I remember this culture vividly. And since this story broke, I've been mad. And I've been wanting to talk about it with someone. So I called up my friend and former colleague at <em>The Takeaway</em>, Noel King, to talk about what we put up with during our time at the show, what we shouldn't have<span>—and how we're rethinking that time in our careers now.</span></p> <p><span>And we want to hear from <em>you </em>about how you're processing this moment in our cultural confrontation of sexism, racism and other inappropriate behavior in the workplace. </span>Inspired by one of our favorite new podcasts, <em><a href="https://forabadtimecall.squarespace.com/">For A Bad Time Call...</a></em>, we want to hear your rage. Send us a 30 second voice memo of what you would tell your younger self about office culture, or share with us the advice you would give yourself to deal with harassment, bullying, or worse. You can send those voice memos to deathsexmoney@wnyc.org—we'll put them together and share them with you soon. </p> <p><em>Click <a href="https://www.thecut.com/2017/12/public-radio-icon-john-hockenberry-accused-of-harassment.html">here</a> to read Suki Kim's original reporting in New York Magazine about the allegations against Hockenberry. WNYC's own reporting on the story can be found <a href="http://www.wnyc.org/story/harassment-and-bullying-allegations-rock-wnyc-after-departure-celebrated-host">here</a>. And you can find statements from Hockenberry and WNYC <a href="http://www.wnyc.org/story/john-hockenberry-accused-sexual-harassment">here</a>. </em></p>
Dec 06, 2017
Gabrielle Union Is Fed Up
37:29
<p>When she was a teenager, all Gabrielle Union wanted was to be chosen. Growing up, she felt conspicuous as one of the only black girls in the mostly-white California city of Pleasanton, and she distinctly remembers how badly she wanted to fit in—but more often than not, she says, she felt like an outsider. "My parents thought moving us to Pleasanton was giving us all of the opportunity. You have great schools, safe neighborhoods, you're going to be around the right kind of people," she told me when I spoke to her live on stage at The Commonwealth Club, "and all it did was isolate us." But it turned out that Pleasanton wasn't as safe as her parents had hoped—a lesson Gabrielle learned in a horrific way. When she was 19, she was raped at gunpoint in the Payless ShoeSource where she was working. In addition to the trauma she had to work through in the aftermath, Gabrielle says that being labeled as the victim of an assault made her feel even more socially isolated. "You become <em>that</em> black girl," she told me. "And for someone so fully committed to assimilation, that was by far the most traumatizing part."</p> <p>Twenty-five years later, Gabrielle's talking about these experiences in a new collection of essays, called <em>We're Going To Need More Wine. </em>It's not the first time she's gone public with her most private moments; last year, <a href="http://www.latimes.com/opinion/op-ed/la-oe-union-nate-parker-birth-nation-rape-allegation-20160902-snap-story.html">an op-ed she published in the <em>L.A. Times</em></a> reflecting on the rape allegations against her <em>Birth of a Nation </em>director and costar Nate Parker went viral. But being open with fans hasn't always been easy for her. She told me that for years after she was assaulted, she had difficulty figuring out how to set boundaries and protect her personal space<span>—especially as she was becoming recognizable from her roles in movies like <em>Bring It On.</em> "Not saying no means there’s no boundaries," she told me about her early experiences with fans. "So self-care goes out the window. You've got to be everything to everybody at all times, which is impossible." </span></p> <p><span>In the years since, she's learned to balance her fame with self-care. </span>She's now married to NBA star Dwyane Wade, and together, they're raising his nephew and two sons from a previous marriage. And she says that ironically, their relationship works because they know they don't have to be in it. "<span>There is no 'you-complete-me' shit," Gabrielle explains. "It's, 'I'm making a conscious choice to be with you every single day because we both have a lot of options. So I'm choosing you every day.'"</span></p> <p><em>Thanks to <a href="https://www.commonwealthclub.org/inforum">Inforum at the Commonwealth Club</a> for hosting this event. You can watch a video of our entire conversation with Gabrielle <a href="https://www.facebook.com/INFORUMsf/videos/vb.93255660003/10159382516775004/?type=2&amp;theater">here</a>. </em></p> <p> </p>
Nov 29, 2017
Finding Love, And A Kidney, On Tinder
28:00
<p>In 2015, Lori Interlicchio and Alana Duran swiped right on each other's Tinder profiles. They were both in their early 20s, and not looking for anything too serious. But on their first date, Alana told Lori that she has lupus—an autoimmune disease that, in Alana's case, has taken a major toll on her body.</p> <p>At that point, Alana had been on dialysis for four years. Her kidneys were failing. And after just three dates, Lori was thinking about offering to see if she could be a potential kidney donor match. "I called one of my former roommates and I started asking like, 'Is this absolutely insane or is this like, fine?'" Lori told me. "If a another person needs something that you don't need and aren't going to miss, then whatever, right? Why not give it to them?" </p> <p>Lori was a match. And starting their relationship with an organ donation has led to questions they've both had to address. When Lori got into law school just months after the surgery, she worried about leaving Alana behind. "I know that right now Alana is doing really well health-wise," Lori told me, "but I also know that that could change at any time." And Alana has had to grapple with what would happen if she decided to end their relationship. "Someone gave me a literal piece of them," Alana says. "I can't repay them for that. In my mind I was thinking that would come up, like, 'Oh, I can't break up with Lori because she gave me a kidney. That'd be terrible, people would be really really mad at me.'" </p> <hr> <p> <em>Lori and Alana's story is documented in the new film </em>Bean<em>. <a href="https://www.gigantic.tv/bean">Find out more about screening times here.</a> </em></p>
Nov 22, 2017
What Lisa Ling Regrets
29:50
<p>In her late 20s, Lisa Ling was co-hosting <em>The View </em>and enjoying single life in New York. "When I think back on it I see myself, you know, dancing on tables sometimes," she laughs. But her decision to leave her previous life in Los Angeles behind had long-lasting consequences. "As soon as I got to New York, this whole world opened up to me and I was invited to every party. And given where I grew up in this kind of middle, lower-middle class home and community, it was it was exciting for me," she recalled. But, Lisa says, her long-distance relationship with a serious boyfriend back home suffered, and ultimately ended, as a result. "In retrospect now, it was really sad because he really, really loved me," she says. "I kind of—you know, I in many ways sort of abandoned the relationship." </p> <p>At the same time, she was having difficulty with talking about her personal life at her very public job. Even though Lisa had been working as a reporter for teen shows like <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mPNydvRV-ks">Scratch</a> and <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Uu57SZD7QpQ">Channel One</a> since she was 16, <em>The View </em>required something different of her. "T<span>he expectation of me was to be totally open about every aspect of my life," she says. "And I really struggled with that in the beginning because I was so out of my element." But it was a skill she was later grateful for—in her marriage. Lisa got married in 2007, and she says communication between her and her husband, Paul, hasn't always been easy. But she says they've found a language that works. "Our mutual therapist once said to us, if you were in a business, you would do everything in your power to make sure that that partnership worked," she told me. "And you need to apply that same work ethic to your marriage. And that really kind of resonated with us."</span></p> <p><em>You can watch Lisa's new web series for CNN, </em><em>called </em>This Is Sex,<em> <a href="http://money.cnn.com/this-is-sex-with-lisa-ling/">here</a>. </em></p>
Nov 08, 2017
A Bitcoin Mogul Goes Broke
27:10
<p>When Charlie Shrem was growing up in an Orthodox Jewish family in Brooklyn, he learned a lesson about money the hard way. "<span>I got a credit card in the mail [...] the </span><span>day I turned 18. I had a $6000 credit limit. And I was taking people to Vegas," he told me. It was a lifestyle that got him in ten thousand dollars worth of debt. </span>He repaid that debt in full, and then started looking for a way towards financial independence. </p> <p>He landed on Bitcoin. Charlie was an early adopter of the cryptocurrency, and his gamble paid off. By the time he was 22, he had co-founded a company called BitInstant, which helped its users convert dollars into Bitcoin. It made Charlie rich, but it also landed him in legal trouble. One of Charlie's customers was making a profit reselling Bitcoin purchased on BitInstant on Silk Road, an underground marketplace known for illegal transactions. Charlie knew about it, and ended up being arrested for it. He plead guilty to a reduced charge, and served a year in federal prison. "When you're in prison, it's not like TV where everyone's like, oh, I'm innocent," Charlie told me. "Everyone tells you they're guilty. I'm guilty. Because to say you're innocent minimizes all that hard work you're doing to get out." </p> <p>I talked with Charlie about money, prison, and ultimately leaving his Orthodox community live onstage at the Annenberg Space for Photography in Los Angeles. Our conversation took place in conjunction with an exhibit there called <em>Generation Wealth</em>. It's a series of photographs by Lauren Greenfield about money, status, and the ways we show them<span>—</span>you can learn more about that exhibit and see some of the photographs <a href="http://www.generation-wealth.com/">here</a>. </p> <hr> <p><em>Watch Anna and Charlie Shrem in conversation at the Annenberg Space for Photography. </em></p> <p><em><div class="user-embedded-video"><div id="videoplayer_idm1397676350891045f85f8fb-4368-476e-a437-5c560bd94248"><iframe width="620" height="349" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/kShkRae0kz8?wmode=transparent&amp;autohide=1&amp;rel=0&amp;showinfo=0&amp;feature=oembed&amp;enablejsapi=1" frameborder="0" allow="accelerometer; autoplay; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture" allowfullscreen="allowfullscreen" id="a-4470972033175817052" class="youtube_video" mozallowfullscreen="mozallowfullscreen" webkitallowfullscreen="webkitallowfullscreen" data-original-url="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kShkRae0kz8"></iframe></div></div>  </em></p>
Nov 01, 2017
Why She Steals: Your Reactions
12:44
<p>Last month, <a href="http://www.wnyc.org/story/why-i-steal-death-sex-money/">we spoke to a woman named Alice*</a> about her shoplifting habit, how she justifies it, and her reluctance to go on food stamps. And a <em>lot </em>of you responded to her story. Here's just a sample of some of the comments we got:</p> <blockquote> <p><em> I grew up poor, but stealing was never the answer for my family. And I don't think it's the answer here either.</em></p> <p><em>My moral core was grossed out.</em></p> <p><em><span data-ft='{"tn":"K"}'>This episode made me enraged. That's all.</span></em></p> </blockquote> <p>It seemed like there was more to talk about here. So this week, we dug into your reactions with a couple of listeners who wrote to us after we released the episode. Alyssa, a listener from Atlanta, told us that she felt "betrayed" by the show. "<span>This interview was so empty for me," she initially wrote us. "Alice was so openly selfish, I couldn't really believe you were giving her a voice bigger than she apparently already has on Tumblr. A platform to speak about her ridiculous lifestyle like it was something fascinating, something to be proud of. I couldn't tell why you had chosen her." Another listener in Brooklyn, Trevor, commented on a point Alice made about how her whiteness would help protect her from legal repercussions if s</span><span>he got caught. </span>"Be<span>cause of people like her," he wrote, "I am the one followed around the store." </span></p> <p>I called Alyssa and Trevor to talk to them more about their reactions<span>—a</span>nd then, I called Alice. </p> <p><em>*Name changed</em></p>
Oct 18, 2017
Life in Our 20s: Advice from Niecy Nash, Alia Shawkat & Terri Coleman
62:19
<p>Your 20s can be hard<span>—</span>but getting advice from people who've been there can make things a little easier. And that's exactly what we're doing this week, in a live show we recently recorded at the Ace Hotel in downtown Los Angeles. </p> <p>With the help of guests Alia Shawkat (<em>Search Party, Arrested Development, <em>Transparent</em>), </em>Niecy Nash<em> (<em>Claws, </em><em>Reno 911</em>, <em>Getting On)</em></em>, and Terri Coleman <a href="http://www.wnyc.org/story/in-new-orleans-from-raising-hell-to-raising-kids">(from our series</a><em><a href="http://www.wnyc.org/story/in-new-orleans-from-raising-hell-to-raising-kids"> "In New Orleans"</a></em><a href="http://www.wnyc.org/story/in-new-orleans-from-raising-hell-to-raising-kids">)</a>, we take on life advice questions from listeners in their 20s, and talk about the most challenging and exciting parts of young adulthood.</p> <div class="embedded-image"><img class="mcePuppyImage" src="https://media2.wnyc.org/i/800/533/l/80/1/Sex-Death-Money-Werk-It-3430.jpg" alt=""> <div class="image-metadata"> <div class="image-caption"></div> <div class="image-credit">(Mindy Tucker)</div> </div> </div> <p>One listener named Sumaya asks how to handle tough conversations about money with friends who, all of a sudden, are making more than she is. Mia wants to know about how to make friends in a new city, without the help of a social life centered around school. And a listener who wants to be known as "Rebecca" asks about how to figure out exactly what she and her partner like in the bedroom.  </p> <p>We also talk with Alia Shawkat and Niecy Nash about their 20s. Niecy was married with three kids by the time her 20s were over. Alia's still in her 20s, and talks about what it was like to get famous young on <em>Arrested Development</em>, and how her view of relationships and money has shifted during this decade of her life. Plus, Terri Coleman tells a story, accompanied by drummer Bianca Richardson, about an important lesson she learned in her 20s from an unlikely mentor<span>—</span>Jose Cuervo.</p> <p><iframe frameborder="0" height="315" scrolling="no" src="https://www.facebook.com/plugins/video.php?href=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.facebook.com%2Fdeathsexmoney%2Fvideos%2F836617266516554%2F&amp;show_text=0&amp;width=560" width="560" style="border: none; overflow: hidden;"></iframe></p>
Oct 11, 2017
Ellen Burstyn's Lessons on Survival
55:29
<p>I talked with Ellen Burstyn three years ago, sitting on wicker furniture in her New York apartment. She told me about getting on a Greyhound bus to Dallas at 18 with 50 cents in her pocket, and about surviving an illegal abortion. And she described adopting her son, leaving an abusive marriage, and starring as a newly single mom in <em>Alice Doesn't Live Here Anymore</em>. The role was based in part on her own life, and it won her an Oscar. "I know I’m a successful actress," she told me. "But I don’t feel I’m necessarily a successful person."</p> <p>Ellen also told us about her "should-less days"<span>—</span>days she sets aside "where there’s nothing I should do." As she explained to me, "I have wiring in my brain that calls me lazy, if I’m not doing something. I haven’t been able to get rid of it. But what I can do is I can put in another wiring, I can put in should-less days, so when that voice goes off and says you’re being lazy, I turn to the other wiring in my brain that says, no, this is a should-less day, and I’m doing what I want."</p> <p>This month, we're celebrating Ellen Burstyn and should-less days with our new Death, Sex &amp; Money should-less day mug. Support our work by becoming a sustaining member at $8/month, and we'll send you one! Just go to <a href="https://pledge3.wnyc.org/donate/death-sex-and-money-itunes/onestep/">deathsexmoney.org/donate</a> or text "DSM" to 70101. </p> <p><em>Listen back to Ellen Burstyn's conversation with Gloria Steinem on Death, Sex &amp; Money last year <a href="http://www.wnyc.org/story/ellen-burstyn-gloria-steinem-death-sex-money/">here</a>. </em></p>
Oct 04, 2017
Why I Steal
22:42
<p>Alice* lives in a small town, where the work dries up in the winter. She and her husband have jobs at a seasonal restaurant, where she says they each make about $500 a week. When it gets cold, they go on unemployment to support themselves and their young daughter. Alice supplements that income by shoplifting. "I do have rules that I follow," she explained. "I don't ever lift from small mom-and-pop kinds of stores. When you lift from somewhere like Walmart they already have it built into their insurance...I would say it feels more like maybe a paper cut, as opposed to stabbing someone."</p> <p>We first learned about Alice last year through Tumblr, where there's an active community of people who say they shoplift. They post pictures of their "hauls," as well as tips for other lifters. For Alice, finding that community was huge. "It felt like I had people that I could talk to about it," she told me. "Because it is such a huge part of my life, and to have people that I could talk about it with like it was normal, that felt great. It just sort of opened up a whole new world of possibilities." </p> <p>Alice told us she keeps her shoplifting a secret from her husband. And while she used to steal while her daughter was with her, stuffing groceries and makeup into her diaper bag, she says she stopped once her daughter was old enough to understand what was happening. "I don't want her doing something that's obviously dangerous," Alice told us. "I don't ever see her like being a tag team. I don't really want that for her."</p> <p>Thanks to Tasbeeh Herwees for her help with this story. You can find Tasbeeh's article for <em>GOOD Magazine</em> about the shoplifting community on Tumblr <a href="https://www.good.is/features/issue-37-we-r-cute-shoplifters">here</a>. </p> <p><em>*Name changed</em></p>
Sep 27, 2017
Our Student Loan Questions Live: Part Two
55:45
<blockquote> <p><em>"Is it totally crazy to go to grad school before paying off my undergrad loans?"</em></p> <p><em>"Is it best to pay the smallest [loan] first and reduce your number of loans? Or is it best to reduce your highest interest loans first?"</em></p> <p><em>"Lately I've been thinking about refinancing my student loans, but I worry about moving from fed loans to a private company [...] does it make sense to do this?"</em></p> <p><em>"Do you think it's likely that in this lifetime, student loan victims unionize and agree to collectively default?"</em></p> </blockquote> <p>You've sent us a lot of questions about your student loan debt. And in this episode, we're trying to get some answers. In the second night of our live call-in shows about student loans, we're joined by Miranda Marquit, a finance expert and senior writer at the website Student Loan Hero. Together, we're taking your calls to talk about ways to tackle your debt proactively and efficiently. </p> <p>If you missed night one of this call-in special, you can go back and find our conversation with other experts and listeners <a href="http://www.wnyc.org/story/our-student-loan-live-part-1/">here</a>. And if you missed our original two-episode podcast on student loan debt from this past summer, or if you want to explore the hundreds of stories we received from listeners feeling burdened by debt, check out our student loan project <a href="https://project.wnyc.org/death-sex-money-podcast-student-loans/">here</a>.</p> <hr> <p><em>Here are some of the websites mentioned during tonight's show: </em></p> <p><em><a href="https://www.xyplanningnetwork.com/">XY Planning Network</a> - Recommended by Miranda as a way to find fee-only financial planners who specialize in working with Gen X and Gen Y clients.</em></p> <p><em><a href="http://www.letsmakeaplan.org/">Let's Make a Plan</a> - Recommended by Miranda as another resource for finding a financial planner, run by the Certified Financial Planner Board.</em></p> <p><em><a href="https://www.nslds.ed.gov/nslds/nslds_SA/">National Student Loan Data System</a> - Recommended by financial aid counselor Danny as a way to find out exactly how much debt you've taken out, and how to contact your loan servicer(s). </em></p> <p><em><a href="https://www.bls.gov/tus/">The American Time Use Survey</a> - A look at what Americans spend their time on—Miranda points to it as an example of how much time we spend watching TV and doing other activities during time that could be spent bringing in additional income to help pay down student loans.</em></p>
Sep 14, 2017
Our Student Loan Questions Live: Part One
56:21
<p>After we released our <a href="https://project.wnyc.org/death-sex-money-podcast-student-loans/">two-part series</a> on student loan debt earlier this summer, we got a lot of emails from you. In addition to your stories, you also had questions about your loans: about what concrete steps you can take to pay them off smartly, and if you're not in school yet, about whether it's worth it to go into debt for college in the first place. One listener wrote in about his shared debt with his wife: "W<span>e are continually putting off having children because we realize we really can't afford it. We are concerned about the Public Service Loan Forgiveness program still existing by the time we can have our loans forgiven. We found ourselves unable to be approved for a loan to buy a home because of our extreme debt. The situation is so overwhelming to us."</span></p> <p>So this week, we're gathering several student debt experts to take your calls live, and help you sort through some of the big questions that you have about loans. In this first of two live call-in shows, we're joined by <span>Rohit Chopra, a Senior Fellow at the Consumer Federation of America; Tressie McMillan Cottom, Assistant Professor of Sociology at Virginia Commonwealth University and the author of <em>Lower Ed: The Troubling Rise of For-Profit Colleges in the New Economy; </em>and Anya Kamenetz, lead education blogger at NPR and the author of <em>Generation Debt.</em> And </span>we talk about the changing face of student loans under the Trump administration, about the communities hardest hit by the student loan crisis, and about how to decide if going into debt is the right choice for parents and kids. </p> <p>After listening to this episode, listen to <a href="http://www.wnyc.org/story/our-student-loan-live-part-2">part two of our student loan call-in series</a>. </p> <hr> <p><em>Looking for the website that Rohit Chopra mentioned about help with public service loan forgiveness? It's here: <a href="http://forgivemystudentdebt.org/" target="_blank">http://forgivemystudentdebt.org/</a>.</em></p> <p> </p>
Sep 13, 2017
Tracy Clayton's 2017 So Far: Therapy, Forts and Auto Bill Pay
21:51
<p>Back in January, I interviewed Tracy Clayton, who writes for Buzzfeed and is the co-host of the podcast Another Round. We talked about the long thread of New Year's resolutions she’d tweeted out for everyone to see<span>—</span>everything from getting her taxes done by a professional to <a href="https://twitter.com/brokeymcpoverty/status/851948369945690112">meeting a chicken</a>. </p> <p>"You know at the top of the year you’ve got, like, hope and energy," Tracy told me when we recently caught up. "It’s like the slate’s being wiped clean, and now you can do anything. New year, new you." More than halfway through 2017, Tracy says she's in "a much different place today" than she was at the top of the year. </p> <p>So far this year, Tracy says she's made financial strides by signing up for automatic bill pay and having conversations with her dad about his finances after he's gone. She also "bought some real fucking grown up furniture" for her living room<span>—</span>one of her goals we talked about at the beginning of the year. "It should not have cost as much as it did," Tracy laughed. "But, this was also a really good exercise in investing in me." </p> <p>Tracy also tweeted about going back to therapy in June, after not going for several years. "It's hard and it's been kicking my ass," she said. "The things that I'm dealing with are catching up with a lot of the really, really, really big changes that have occurred in the last two years or so that I haven't really thought about or dealt with." She added, "At the top of the year, that wasn't something that I even realized. I do think it's accurate to say that I'm working on accepting things that I can't change, which I've never been good at."</p> <hr> <p><em>Tracy accomplished her goal of meeting a chicken! Check out her interview with Melissa Harris-Perry's chickens here: </em></p> <p><iframe frameborder="0" height="315" scrolling="no" src="https://www.facebook.com/plugins/video.php?href=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.facebook.com%2Fanotherround%2Fvideos%2F1202002553261418%2F&amp;show_text=0&amp;width=560" width="560" style="border: none; overflow: hidden;"></iframe></p>
Sep 06, 2017
As Harvey Hits, Looking Back at New Orleans
23:45
<p>We changed our plans for Death, Sex &amp; Money this week as we watched the storm known as Harvey pummel the Gulf Coast. It's made us think about the conversations we had in New Orleans two years ago, for a series about life there around the tenth anniversary of Katrina.</p> <p>In those episodes, we profiled five people and heard in detail about how their lives were forever changed by a few days of rain, wind, and catastrophic floods. We also heard about their collective trauma of having the home they knew suddenly under water, and about the very long process of rebuilding. <a href="http://www.wnyc.org/story/in-new-orleans/">You can find that entire series here.</a></p> <p>One of the people we interviewed, Dr. Kiersta Kurtz-Burke, is heading to Texas this week to volunteer with a medical team. When Katrina hit New Orleans, she didn’t evacuate. Instead she stayed inside New Orleans’ Charity Hospital, where she worked for six days, caring for 18 patients on the 5th floor. There was no power, and it seemed like no one was coming to rescue them. Before they were finally evacuated, Kiersta—who was part of the last group of people to leave—helped clean up the space for when her staff returned. "We didn't want it to look messy," she remembers. "We were naive." </p> <p>Charity Hospital never re-opened after they left, but Kiersta returned to New Orleans after being evacuated. After a long rebuilding process, she still lives there today, and is raising her family there. "We just got too weird for any place else other than New Orleans," she laughs. </p> <p><em>We compiled a list of organizations that need your help after Harvey. Find it here: <a href="http://www.wnyc.org/story/how-to-help-after-harvey/?token=c352ed9e83bf6c2c965257a261d44fcf&amp;content_type_id=26&amp;object_id=792172&amp;_=e903d687">How to Help After Harvey</a></em></p>
Aug 30, 2017
How to Help After Harvey
<p>Want to help? Give money, not stuff, to aid disaster relief and long-term rebuilding in communities affected by Harvey. Here are some places to start:</p> <p><a data-cke-saved-href="https://www.hands.org/texas-hurricane-response/" href="https://www.hands.org/texas-hurricane-response/">All Hands Volunteers</a></p> <p><a data-cke-saved-href="http://www.cbvc.org/agency/detail/?agency_id=47181" href="http://www.cbvc.org/agency/detail/?agency_id=47181">Coastal Bend Disaster Recovery Group</a></p> <p><a data-cke-saved-href="https://www.homelesshouston.org/take-action/donate/" href="https://www.homelesshouston.org/take-action/donate/">Coalition for the Homeless of Houston/Harris County</a> </p> <p><a data-cke-saved-href="https://donatenow.networkforgood.org/feeding-texas" href="https://donatenow.networkforgood.org/feeding-texas">Feeding Texas</a></p> <p><a href="http://www.foodbankcc.com/">Food Bank of Corpus Christi</a></p> <p><a data-cke-saved-href="https://www.globalgiving.org/projects/hurricane-harvey-relief-fund/" href="https://www.globalgiving.org/projects/hurricane-harvey-relief-fund/">Global Giving Harvey Relief Fund</a></p> <p><a data-cke-saved-href="https://ghcf.org/hurricane-relief/" href="https://ghcf.org/hurricane-relief/">Greater Houston Community Foundation: Hurricane Harvey Relief Fund</a></p> <p><a data-cke-saved-href="https://secure3.convio.net/hfb/site/Donation2;jsessionid=00000000.app303b?df_id=9314&amp;9314.donation=form1&amp;mfc_pref=T&amp;s_src=HB&amp;s_subsrc=harvey&amp;src=lb&amp;NONCE_TOKEN=2C081BE054278AB11A24B205282FD15C" href="https://secure3.convio.net/hfb/site/Donation2;jsessionid=00000000.app303b?df_id=9314&amp;9314.donation=form1&amp;mfc_pref=T&amp;s_src=HB&amp;s_subsrc=harvey&amp;src=lb&amp;NONCE_TOKEN=2C081BE054278AB11A24B205282FD15C">Houston Food Bank</a></p> <p><a data-cke-saved-href="http://www.houstonhumane.org/" href="http://www.houstonhumane.org/">Houston Humane Society</a></p> <p><a href="http://houstonlibrary.org/get-involved/giving">Houston Public Library</a></p> <p><a data-cke-saved-href="https://www.bonfire.com/texas-diaper-bank-harvey/" href="https://www.bonfire.com/texas-diaper-bank-harvey/">Texas Diaper Bank</a></p> <p><a data-cke-saved-href="https://www.unitedwayhouston.org/flood/flood-donation/" href="https://www.unitedwayhouston.org/flood/flood-donation/">United Way of Greater Houston</a></p> <p><strong>If you live in a community affected by Harvey,</strong> the State Bar of Texas has a hotline (1-800-504-7030) to answer basic questions and to connect you with resources. If you or a loved one is in emotional distress, call the Disaster Distress Helpline at 1-800-985-5990 or text “TalkWithUs” to 66746.</p> <p>If you know of a local recovery effort that needs support, please add it in the comments. </p>
Aug 29, 2017
Katie Couric on Death and Dishonesty
25:42
<p>Katie Couric has lived in the public eye since 1991, when she began co-hosting the Today Show on NBC. While she's built a career on her unflappable on-screen presence, she says that same journalistic rationality served her poorly when crisis hit closer to home. In 1998, her husband, John Paul "Jay" Monahan, died of colon cancer at 42. Katie says her reluctance to accept the inevitable conclusion of his diagnosis is something she regrets. "I really tried to not fall apart in front of Jay, and looking back on it, there's probably a lot of dishonesty about the whole thing," she says. "I think that sort of cockeyed optimism prevented me from ever really saying goodbye."</p> <p>After Jay's death, Katie parented their daughters alone until 2014, when she married her second husband, John Paul Molner. While her two husbands share a name, Katie says there’s a lot that differentiates the two marriages. "I'm in a different phase of my life," she told me. "The horizon isn't quite as far as it was when I married Jay."</p> <p>Katie turned 60 years old this year, and says it was more emotionally difficult than she expected. "Half my life is over. It's been a little a little depressing for me," she said. But, she admitted, you’d never know it from looking at her Instagram feed. "You can give people the impression that you're a fairly one-dimensional happy person," she says, "when the truth of the matter is it's much much more complicated than that."</p>
Aug 23, 2017
When Grief Looks Like ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
26:50
<p>In 2013, podcast producer Rachel Ward's husband, Steve, died unexpectedly. She was 32, and he was 35. Being widowed is painful under any circumstances, but Rachel says that she went through an unusual kind of grief and confusion after losing her husband at such a young age. "I felt like I re-experienced adolescence after Steve died," she says. "But I also feel old because I am an aging person. I'm 36 years old. And that's older than a lot of my peers who on paper have an equivalent life position. You know, like just moved to New York City and are single, except they're 26 and I'm 36."</p> <p>The first time I spoke to Rachel was in 2015, after she wrote a viral Medium post called "<a href="https://medium.com/personal-growth/i-m-sorry-i-didn-t-respond-to-your-email-my-husband-coughed-to-death-two-years-ago-9e12c93c92fa">I'm Sorry I Didn't Respond to Your Email, My Husband Coughed to Death Two Years Ago</a>." Humor got Rachel through the early days of her grief, and her post was an attempt to put the social awkwardness that comes with widowhood behind her. "I guess I’m kind of hoping this is also sort of a juncture in my life and like a transition point,” Rachel told me. So we held on to the recording of our interview, and checked back in with her this summer to see what happened next.</p> <p>A lot did happen in Rachel's life in the two years between when we spoke. Rachel changed jobs and moved cities. She says that four years into widowhood, she tries not to think about the grieving process in stages. "I have to remind myself all the time that grief is not linear," she says. But she also says she feels stuck in ways, <span>especially when it comes to dating. "It feels like I have to be like cooked to a certain level and I'm just, like, not," she told me. "But I've also lately been having some really nice realizations about how it's kind of great to be single and not have to like not have to the kind of draggy parts of relationships." </span></p>
Aug 16, 2017
The Cookie That Ended Jeff Garlin's Sobriety
22:16
<p>For over thirty years, Jeff Garlin has been a film and TV mainstay—writing, producing and starring in comedies like <em>Curb Your Enthusiasm</em> (coming back for its ninth season this fall) and <em>The Goldbergs</em>. He's also had a long career in standup comedy. He's so comfortable on stage that he says he often doesn't prepare at all for his sets. But that doesn't mean that Jeff takes his job lightly.</p> <p>"It's a real important thing, comedy, to make us human and help deal with pain," he says. "Life throws a lot of pain at people. My job is to ease people's pain."</p> <p>Comedy has helped Jeff deal with his own pain. He had a stroke at 37 and has struggled with his weight for years. He views food as an addiction. After seven years of sobriety<span>—which for Jeff means staying away from sugar and processed foods—</span>Jeff fell off the wagon when he indulged in a celebratory cookie. The occasion? One of his sons was guest starring on The Goldbergs. "Anything with a feeling brings about wanting to eat," Jeff told me. "I always say I eat Pop-Tarts raw because I don't have time to toast them. I need to shove down my feelings." </p> <p>I also talked to Jeff about dealing with attention deficit disorder as an adult, slowly losing a parent, having sex in his 50s, and maintaining a fulfilling marriage. Jeff says the key to it all is being present, and tries to stay focused on whatever is in front of him. "When I sit in quiet moments and just stare at the stars, nothing pops in my head of looking back on my life," he says. "I don't like overthinking."</p> <hr> <p><em>Want to suggest a podcast episode for our Welcome to Adulthood playlist? Go here: <a href="http://www.wnyc.org/death-sex-money-adulthood-playlist/">deathsexmoney.org/adulthood</a>. </em></p>
Aug 02, 2017
Bonus! Anna Talks Interviewing with Jesse Thorn
79:34
<p>"One of the really important traits of an interviewer is to communicate to the person you’re asking questions of that you are sincerely curious," Death, Sex &amp; Money host Anna Sale recently told Jesse Thorn on his new show, <a href="http://www.maximumfun.org/turnaround/anna-sale">The Turnaround</a>. "Because your interview is only going to be as good as the person’s willingness to participate."</p> <p>This summer, Jesse (who also hosts the radio show/podcast <a href="http://www.maximumfun.org/shows/bullseye">Bullseye</a>) is turning the tables on interviewers and interviewing <em>them</em> about their craft. He's talked with people like Jerry Springer, Errol Morris, Audie Cornish, Marc Maron, and Anna<span>—</span>who joined Jesse from her maternity leave last summer to talk about preparing for interviews, asking hard questions, and learning from interviewer heroes. </p>
Jul 26, 2017
My Husband Killed Someone. Now He Might Get Out.
21:07
<p>Ronnine Bartley dated her now-husband Lawrence when they were in middle school. "Even when we were like together at 13 and 14 years old when we had no business being together, we always talked about being married," Ronnine told me. <a href="http://www.wnyc.org/story/lawrence-bartley-update-death-sex-money">But when Lawrence was 17, he was arrested and convicted of murder.</a> They weren't dating at the time, but they stayed in touch and eventually got back together while he was in prison. And in 2006, they got married. </p> <p>But married life hasn't exactly been how Ronnine once imagined it would be. She and Lawrence have never spent more than 72 hours together as a couple. Their two boys were conceived during conjugal visits inside prison walls. And she's had to be the breadwinner and the decision-maker in their family. "Do I consult with [Lawrence]? Absolutely," she told me. "You know, that makes the relationship work. That makes him feel involved, but I'm the boss. Like in my head, I'm the boss!" </p> <p>Life for their family will look very different if Lawrence gets paroled. After 27 years in prison, he's going before the parole board for the first time next month. "I try not to talk about it too much," Ronnine says. "I'm not really prepared for if he doesn't get released." But, Ronnine says, even if Lawrence gets out, there are still plenty of challenges that they'll face as Lawrence adjusts to life on the outside and they adjust to life together as a couple. "I guess we're gonna have to go to counseling," she told me. "You know, that's a lot. It's deep." </p>
Jul 19, 2017
I Killed Someone. Now I Have Three Kids: Updated
40:50
<p>I first met Lawrence Bartley three years ago, inside Sing Sing Correctional Facility. He'd been behind bars for 24 years, after shooting his gun inside a crowded movie theater on Christmas night in 1990 and killing a 15-year-old bystander named Tremain Hall. Lawrence was 17 at the time. </p> <p>Lawrence was sentenced to 27 to 30 years to life in prison for his crime, with the possibility of parole. This August, Lawrence will face the parole board for the first time. So we're sharing his story again and a few updates, including a conversation with Tremain Hall's older brother, Chad Hall. </p> <p>Next week, look out for my conversation with Lawrence's wife, Ronnine. She and Lawrence got married more than a decade ago, and have two sons together. We hear from her about how she's thinking about the possibility of Lawrence coming home<span>—</span>and what she wants for their future together. </p> <hr> <p><em>Several years ago, Lawrence participated in a documentary project called Voices from Within. In it, inmates at Sing Sing talk about their crimes and their regrets. Watch for Lawrence around the 7:30 mark.</em></p> <p><div class="user-embedded-video"><div id="videoplayer_idm13976764774688036c518bc-681b-42d6-841b-4871a86ab3e1"><iframe width="620" height="349" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/1ilS9wmiEeo?wmode=transparent&amp;autohide=1&amp;rel=0&amp;showinfo=0&amp;feature=oembed&amp;enablejsapi=1" frameborder="0" allow="accelerometer; autoplay; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture" allowfullscreen="allowfullscreen" id="a-4420116418531360026" class="youtube_video" mozallowfullscreen="mozallowfullscreen" webkitallowfullscreen="webkitallowfullscreen" data-original-url="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1ilS9wmiEeo"></iframe></div></div>  </p>
Jul 12, 2017
Our Student Loan Secrets, Part 2
28:27
<p>Nathan realized he couldn't pay his rent and his monthly student loan payments. Beth* collapsed in tears while doing yoga because she couldn't stop worrying about money. Jordan set a calendar reminder to force herself to finally make her first payment. </p> <p><a href="https://project.wnyc.org/death-sex-money-podcast-student-loans/" target="_blank">Hundreds of you have shared your stories about student debt with us,</a> especially the mix of frustration and shame you feel about it. But we also heard stories of turning points<span>—</span>when something changed that redefined your relationship with your student loans. </p> <p>For Beth, that meant radically changing her spending and allotting close to half of her taxable income toward student loan payments. Nathan converted a van into a mobile apartment to save on rent while he chips away at his $200,000 debt. And Jordan, <a href="http://www.wnyc.org/shows/deathsexmoney/" target="_blank">after first telling me how she's dodged her student loans for two years,</a> finally set up regular monthly payments. </p> <p>"It started becoming something that was consequential but inconsequential at the same time. Something that can be controlled and doesn't control me," a listener named Krista said about finally getting help managing her student debt. "That was a huge revelation."</p> <p><em>Go to <a href="https://project.wnyc.org/death-sex-money-podcast-student-loans/" target="_blank" class="external-link">deathsexmoney.org/studentloans</a> for more stories and to see how your debt compares to national statistics and to other Death, Sex &amp; Money listeners.</em></p>
Jun 29, 2017
Our Student Loan Secrets, Part 1
33:17
<p><em>I have blatantly lied to my friends about student loans.</em></p> <p><em>I feel fooled and bamboozled about the American dream.</em></p> <p><em>It’s a stupid system. No one talked about this.</em></p> <p>When we asked you to tell us your stories about how student loans are affecting other parts of your life, we were overwhelmed by your responses. <a href="https://project.wnyc.org/death-sex-money-podcast-student-loans/">You've shared more than a thousand stories in all, and they keep coming.</a> We heard about years of incremental payments and the thrill of getting to a zero balance, but also about delayed weddings, tensions with your parents over your shared debt, and fading hopes of ever buying a home or saving for retirement. </p> <p>It makes sense that you have a lot to say about student debt. <a href="https://www.newyorkfed.org/press/pressbriefings/household-borrowing-student-loans-homeownership" target="_blank">More Americans are taking out more in student loans and taking a longer time to pay it off.</a> And it's fundamentally reshaping how you think about the value of education and the milestones of adulthood.</p> <p>"You sort of feel lost and like you totally screwed up somehow because you just couldn't figure it out," a listener named Dena said about struggling to make loan payments ten years after college. "And the rest of the world is making money and paying their bills and there's this subculture of individuals who are book smart and world stupid." </p> <p>"I don't know how else to put it except that I almost made it," a listener named Sharif said. He put himself through school with loans to became a chemical engineer, but feels embarrassed by his six-figure debt and never talks about it. "<span>I felt like a total, complete idiot that I put myself in this position." </span></p> <p>For some of you, that embarrassment has become denial. "I just didn’t pay," Jordan Gibbs told me about receiving her first student loan statement. "Like, I just felt like, how can you expect me to start paying you $700 a month? Which is just a crazy number. I can’t even afford to pay rent." </p> <p>In part one of this series, hear how our decisions about how to pay for education are having unexpected effects, long after graduation. </p> <p><em>Go to <a href="https://project.wnyc.org/death-sex-money-podcast-student-loans/">deathsexmoney.org/studentloans</a> for more stories and to see how your debt compares to national statistics and to other Death, Sex &amp; Money listeners. And look out for <a href="http://www.wnyc.org/story/our-student-loan-secrets-part-two-death-sex-money">part two of this series</a> for stories about how some of you stopped feeling stuck and started taking control of your student loans. </em></p>
Jun 28, 2017
Our Student Loan Secrets: Resources
<p>Struggling with your student loan debt? It can be hard to find answers. We've compiled some free resources that can help you manage your debt, whether you're a recent grad, a parent of a student, or someone who's had loans for awhile.</p> <p>Got other suggestions? Put them in the comments below!</p> <hr> <p><strong>Consumer Financial Protection Bureau</strong></p> <p>The CFPB’s <a href="https://www.consumerfinance.gov/paying-for-college/repay-student-debt/">Repay Student Debt</a> resource guides borrowers through a series of questions to help you determine the best option to pay down your debt. CFPB also has <a href="https://www.consumerfinance.gov/askcfpb/search/?selected_facets=category_exact%3Astudent-loans">answers</a> to frequently asked questions about student loans. </p> <p><strong>Forgive My Student Debt</strong></p> <p>Recommended by student loan expert Rohit Chopra, <a href="http://forgivemystudentdebt.org/">this site</a> helps you figure out if you are eligible for public service loan forgiveness.</p> <p><strong>NerdWallet’s Student Loan Calculator</strong></p> <p>A <a href="https://www.nerdwallet.com/blog/loans/student-loans/student-loan-calculator/">personalized tool</a> that helps you determine what you owe and a timeline for paying it off. </p> <p><strong>Public Service Loan Forgiveness Program</strong></p> <p>If you work for the government (local, state or federal) or for a 501(c)(3) non-profit and have Direct Loans, you’re likely eligible for the federal <a href="https://studentaid.ed.gov/sa/repay-loans/forgiveness-cancellation/public-service">Public Service Loan Forgiveness Program</a>, which forgives the remaining balance on Direct Loans after a certain number of payments. </p> <p><strong>SALT</strong></p> <p>A resource from <a href="http://www.asa.org/index.html">American Student Assistance</a>, <a href="https://www.saltmoney.org/">SALT</a> has personalized tools, videos and other services to help with payment plans, postponements, dealing with defaults and more. <strong>*Requires sign up*</strong></p> <p><strong>Student Loan Borrowers Assistance</strong></p> <p>A website from the <a href="https://www.nclc.org/">National Consumer Law Center</a> that guides you through a series of questions to determine the type of loan you have and suggests <a href="http://www.studentloanborrowerassistance.org/start-here/find-solution/">possible solutions</a> to potential difficulties (deferment, new repayment plans). It also has guides to dealing with <a href="http://www.studentloanborrowerassistance.org/repayment/">repayment</a>, <a href="http://www.studentloanborrowerassistance.org/bankruptcy/">bankruptcy</a>, <a href="http://www.studentloanborrowerassistance.org/collections/">collections</a> and <a href="http://www.studentloanborrowerassistance.org/loan-cancellation/">possible cancellation</a>, along with an <a href="http://www.studentloanborrowerassistance.org/advocacy/">advocacy guide</a>.</p> <p><strong>Mint.com</strong></p> <p>After you sign up, <a href="https://www.mint.com/">this website</a> links your bank accounts, credit card accounts, retirement accounts, loan accounts and more so you can keep track of your finances in one place. It also has apps to help with budgeting and financial goals. <strong>*Requires sign up*</strong></p> <p><strong>Ready For Zero Blog</strong></p> <p>For recent grads, this <a href="http://blog.readyforzero.com/how-to-handle-your-first-summer-with-student-loans/#.WTcVg1Xytph">blog post</a> from Ready For Zero has tips for your first summer with student loans, and there’s <a href="http://lifehacker.com/5950945/how-to-tackle-student-loan-debt-when-your-grace-period-ends">this one</a> for when your grace period ends a few months from now.</p>
Jun 21, 2017
Our Student Loan Secrets: Teri's Story
2:00
<p>Teri is 43 years old and has $40,000 in student loan debt. She's raising two kids and put off paying down her debt for years, but she hopes to start budgeting for it soon. "There was always something else to pay for that was more important, or that came first, so this wasn't a priority," she says.</p> <hr> <p><em>More than 44 million Americans have student loan debt, but we don’t often always feel comfortable talking about it. Death, Sex &amp; Money wants to show you you’re not alone. Explore our ongoing project <a href="https://project.wnyc.org/death-sex-money-podcast-student-loans">Our Student Loan Secrets</a> to find out how other people are dealing with their debt, tell your story, and find out where you fit in the student loan landscape. </em></p>
Jun 21, 2017
Our Student Loan Secrets: Callie's Story
1:53
<p>Callie went into $150,000 of student loan debt to pay for her master's degree, and then decided to pursue her Ph.D. She was recently diagnosed with cancer and now worries her loans will plague her, and her husband, in the future. She says, "Student debt is the number one stress in my life<span>—</span>second only to cancer."</p> <hr> <p><em>More than 44 million Americans have student loan debt, but we don’t often always feel comfortable talking about it. Death, Sex &amp; Money wants to show you you’re not alone. Explore our ongoing project <a href="https://project.wnyc.org/death-sex-money-podcast-student-loans">Your Student Loan Secrets</a> to find out how other people are dealing with their debt, tell your story, and find out where you fit in the student loan landscape. </em></p>
Jun 21, 2017
Our Student Loan Secrets: Maureen's Story
1:44
<p>Maureen decided to stay at home with her kids after she received her master's degree because her husband's career took him overseas. Now, at the age of 45, she owes much more in student loans than she did when she got her degree. "My payment is currently $700 a month, and I think I'm going to be paying this until I'm 65 years old," she says. </p> <hr> <p><em>More than 44 million Americans have student loan debt, but we don’t often always feel comfortable talking about it. Death, Sex &amp; Money wants to show you you’re not alone. Explore our ongoing project <a href="https://project.wnyc.org/death-sex-money-podcast-student-loans">Our Student Loan Secrets</a> to find out how other people are dealing with their debt, tell your story, and find out where you fit in the student loan landscape. </em></p>
Jun 21, 2017
Our Student Loan Secrets: Molly's Story
2:02
<p>At 34, Molly has $40,000 in debt. Her student loans have affected the way she thinks about her future. She says, "I always thought that if I really applied myself, and I got really good grades and worked hard and was a nice person, that I would have a home someday and that I would have a family." She added, "I can barely pay my own bills." </p> <hr> <p><em>More than 44 million Americans have student loan debt, but we don’t often always feel comfortable talking about it. Death, Sex &amp; Money wants to show you you’re not alone. Explore our ongoing project <a href="https://project.wnyc.org/death-sex-money-podcast-student-loans">Our Student Loan Secrets</a> to find out how other people are dealing with their debt, tell your story, and find out where you fit in the student loan landscape. </em></p>
Jun 21, 2017
Our Student Loan Secrets: Jason's Story
1:18
<p>Jason has more than $200,000 in student loan debt from law school. Recently, he decided to move away from New York City to save money and pay down his loans. "After 37 years on the island of Manhattan, I'm going to leave," he told us. "It just seems so strange that what might kill me financially is wanting to have a higher education."</p> <hr> <p><em>More than 44 million Americans have student loan debt, but we don’t often always feel comfortable talking about it. Death, Sex &amp; Money wants to show you you’re not alone. Explore our ongoing project <a href="https://project.wnyc.org/death-sex-money-podcast-student-loans">Our Student Loan Secrets</a> to find out how other people are dealing with their debt, tell your story, and find out where you fit in the student loan landscape. </em></p>
Jun 21, 2017
Our Student Loan Secrets: Graham's Story
2:06
<p>Graham avoided student loan debt by not going to college. Instead, he pursued a career as an artist, specializing in woodworking and metal casting. But 12 years after leaving high school, he says the stigma of not having a degree has limited his career opportunities—and he's now heading back to college. "This world will not accept you as a valid member of the workforce without a degree," he says. "I haven't played the game." </p> <hr> <p><em>More than 44 million Americans have student loan debt, but we don’t often always feel comfortable talking about it. Death, Sex &amp; Money wants to show you you’re not alone. Explore our ongoing project <a href="https://project.wnyc.org/death-sex-money-podcast-student-loans">Our Student Loan Secrets</a> to find out how other people are dealing with their debt, tell your story, and find out where you fit in the student loan landscape. </em></p>
Jun 21, 2017
Our Student Loan Secrets: Diane's Story
0:56
<p>"I'm not sure my daughter understands the scale of the Parent PLUS loans we took on to put her through college," Diane told us. Although she says she's glad that she and her husband were able to help their daughter pay her her education, Diane says the debt is equivalent to buying another home or taking several European vacations—which they now aren't able to do in their retirement. </p> <hr> <p><em>More than 44 million Americans have student loan debt, but we don’t often always feel comfortable talking about it. Death, Sex &amp; Money wants to show you you’re not alone. Explore our ongoing project <a href="https://project.wnyc.org/death-sex-money-podcast-student-loans">Our Student Loan Secrets</a> to find out how other people are dealing with their debt, tell your story, and find out where you fit in the student loan landscape. </em></p>
Jun 21, 2017
Our Student Loan Secrets: Rose's Story
1:15
<p>Rose is $100,000 in student loan debt. She avoided paying her student loans for years, but says she can't run from her loan servicer any longer. To pay back her loans, she's taken a higher-paying job with more responsibility, which makes it harder for her to pursue her true passion: singing. </p> <hr> <p><em>More than 44 million Americans have student loan debt, but we don’t often always feel comfortable talking about it. Death, Sex &amp; Money wants to show you you’re not alone. Explore our ongoing project <a href="https://project.wnyc.org/death-sex-money-podcast-student-loans">Our Student Loan Secrets</a> to find out how other people are dealing with their debt, tell your story, and find out where you fit in the student loan landscape. </em></p>
Jun 21, 2017
Our Student Loan Secrets: Nathan's Story
1:36
<p>Nathan, a physical therapist, has about $200,000 in student loans. He found a creative way to pay down his debt: instead of paying rent, he lives in his van with his girlfriend and their three dogs. "I couldn't imagine paying back my loans in any reasonable period of time if I had to pay rent," he told us. </p> <hr> <p><em>More than 44 million Americans have student loan debt, but we don’t often always feel comfortable talking about it. Death, Sex &amp; Money wants to show you you’re not alone. Explore our ongoing project <a href="https://project.wnyc.org/death-sex-money-podcast-student-loans">Our Student Loan Secrets</a> to find out how other people are dealing with their debt, tell your story, and find out where you fit in the student loan landscape. </em></p>
Jun 21, 2017
Our Student Loan Secrets: Audrey's Story
1:26
<p>Audrey's in her 20s and recently received a graduate degree. She has more than $40,000 in debt, and says she constantly worries about her finances and the opportunities she's missing out on because of her student loans. "I just want this obligation to be done with and over as soon as possible," she told us. "Maybe even at the expense of enjoying my mid to late 20s."</p> <hr> <p><em>More than 44 million Americans have student loan debt, but we don’t often always feel comfortable talking about it. Death, Sex &amp; Money wants to show you you’re not alone. Explore our ongoing project <a href="https://project.wnyc.org/death-sex-money-podcast-student-loans">Our Student Loan Secrets</a> to find out how other people are dealing with their debt, tell your story, and find out where you fit in the student loan landscape. </em></p>
Jun 21, 2017
Our Student Loan Secrets: Brandy's Story
1:47
<p>At the age of 32, Brandy has $168,000 in student loan debt and pays $1,000 a month on her loans. She says feels fooled by the American dream. "My biggest dream now is just paying off debt," she says, "though the thought of that makes me want to cry." </p> <hr> <p><em>More than 44 million Americans have student loan debt, but we don’t often always feel comfortable talking about it. Death, Sex &amp; Money wants to show you you’re not alone. Explore our ongoing project <a href="https://project.wnyc.org/death-sex-money-podcast-student-loans">Our Student Loan Secrets</a> to find out how other people are dealing with their debt, tell your story, and find out where you fit in the student loan landscape. </em></p>
Jun 21, 2017
Our Student Loan Secrets: Emily's Story
2:05
<p>Emily has more than $80,000 in debt. She's 36 and says she doesn't use the degree that saddled her with student loans. She believes that her early financial decision-making changed the course of her and her husband's lives. "I was told that I need a college education in order to have any kind of acceptable or reasonable life in this society," she says. "And I just wish I would've just made some different choices."</p> <hr> <p><em>More than 44 million Americans have student loan debt, but we don’t often always feel comfortable talking about it. Death, Sex &amp; Money wants to show you you’re not alone. Explore our ongoing project <a href="https://project.wnyc.org/death-sex-money-podcast-student-loans">Our Student Loan Secrets</a> to find out how other people are dealing with their debt, tell your story, and find out where you fit in the student loan landscape. </em></p>
Jun 21, 2017
Our Student Loan Secrets: Elliot's Story
1:23
<p>Elliot's in her 20s, and decided to go to law school soon after getting her bachelor's degree<span>—</span>in part to delay her undergraduate student loan payments. "It's definitely counterintuitive to take out more debt because you can't handle the debt you already have, but it was the only way for me," she told us. She now works full-time and goes to law school in the evenings. And she says if she and her boyfriend get married, they'll have $400,000 in combined student loan debt. </p> <hr> <p><em>More than 44 million Americans have student loan debt, but we don’t often always feel comfortable talking about it. Death, Sex &amp; Money wants to show you you’re not alone. Explore our ongoing project <a href="https://project.wnyc.org/death-sex-money-podcast-student-loans">Our Student Loan Secrets</a> to find out how other people are dealing with their debt, tell your story, and find out where you fit in the student loan landscape. </em></p>
Jun 21, 2017
Our Student Loan Secrets: Liz's Story
2:16
<p>While growing up in Mississippi, Liz often dreamed of moving somewhere new as an adult. Now in her 20s, Liz's $70,000 in student loan debt is keeping her in her home state. She says she regrets going to a private college rather than taking advantage of scholarships at state schools. She told us, "Whenever I'm spending any money, whether that's just going out to eat or having a glass of wine or shopping, I'm constantly in the back of my head thinking how can I save to pay off these student loans?" </p> <hr> <p><em>More than 44 million Americans have student loan debt, but we don’t often always feel comfortable talking about it. Death, Sex &amp; Money wants to show you you’re not alone. Explore our ongoing project <a href="https://project.wnyc.org/death-sex-money-podcast-student-loans">Our Student Loan Secrets</a> to find out how other people are dealing with their debt, tell your story, and find out where you fit in the student loan landscape. </em></p>
Jun 21, 2017
Our Student Loan Secrets: Patrick's Story
2:49
<p>Patrick is 56 and lives in New York City. When he graduated from physical therapy school in 1999 with $60,000 in student loan debt, he says he thought he "was going to be able to pay all this off in a snap." But he quickly realized that the interest rates on his loans were high<span>—</span>and says a new relationship fizzled because of his anxiety about money. </p> <hr> <p><em>More than 44 million Americans have student loan debt, but we don’t often always feel comfortable talking about it. Death, Sex &amp; Money wants to show you you’re not alone. Explore our ongoing project <a href="https://project.wnyc.org/death-sex-money-podcast-student-loans">Our Student Loan Secrets</a> to find out how other people are dealing with their debt, tell your story, and find out where you fit in the student loan landscape. </em></p>
Jun 21, 2017
Our Student Loan Secrets: Chris's Story
1:19
<p>Chris is an engineer in his 30s. He left college with two degrees, no debt, and enough money to buy a car. He says his friends never talked much about their loans, and he only recently realized how different his experience was from most. "Should I feel guilty?" he asked. "The only thing I can think about is that I was just incredibly, incredibly lucky." </p> <hr> <p><em>More than 44 million Americans have student loan debt, but we don’t often always feel comfortable talking about it. Death, Sex &amp; Money wants to show you you’re not alone. Explore our ongoing project <a href="https://project.wnyc.org/death-sex-money-podcast-student-loans">Our Student Loan Secrets</a> to find out how other people are dealing with their debt, tell your story, and find out where you fit in the student loan landscape. </em></p>
Jun 21, 2017
Our Student Loan Secrets: Dana's Story
0:59
<p>Dana’s 29 and recently finished paying off her $40,000 in student loan debt. As she neared the end of her repayment, she moved in with her boyfriend and they started saving up for a wedding and a house. "The student loan is its own phase now," she told us. "Once you pay that off, then you go into the engagement and wedding phase." </p> <hr> <p><em>More than 44 million Americans have student loan debt, but we don’t often always feel comfortable talking about it. Death, Sex &amp; Money wants to show you you’re not alone. Explore our ongoing project <a href="https://project.wnyc.org/death-sex-money-podcast-student-loans">Our Student Loan Secrets</a> to find out how other people are dealing with their debt, tell your story, and find out where you fit in the student loan landscape. </em></p>
Jun 21, 2017
Coming Soon: Our Student Loan Secrets
2:53
<p>More Americans are taking on more debt than ever before to pay for higher education: 44 million Americans have $1.3 trillion in student loan debt. But when we asked you to tell us how you feel about your debt, hundreds and hundreds of you told us about the guilt, shame and isolation that surrounds your loans. </p> <p>Next week, we'll share your stories about how student loan debt has affected your relationships, careers, families and more. For now, visit <a href="https://project.wnyc.org/death-sex-money-podcast-student-loans/">deathsexmoney.org/studentloans</a> to join the community there: find out where you fit into the student loan landscape, explore other stories about student loan debt, and share your story if you haven't already. </p>
Jun 21, 2017
Who's Driving Your Uber?
26:27
<p>I’ve learned a lot about the Bay Area from Uber drivers since I moved here last fall. Some of them are new arrivals, like me, but others have watched the region change dramatically over the last few years. When I'm stuck in a car with a stranger at the wheel, I've been surprised by how personal conversations can get. </p> <p>So last month, producer Katie Bishop and I took our microphones and recording gear along on a bunch of Uber rides all around the Bay Area. The company has been in the news a lot lately, but we set out to learn more about the drivers and what keeps<em> them</em> on the road. We talked about money, competition from other drivers and how they spend their long hours driving and waiting for rides. They also told us about domestic violence, grave plot sales, and the long ripples of the financial crisis. And we heard why one Pakistani driver has decided it's better to not talk to his passengers. </p>
Jun 07, 2017
Hari Kondabolu and His Mom Answer Your Life Questions
40:25
<p>When we first met comedian <strong>Hari Kondabolu</strong> and his mom, <strong>Uma</strong>, a year ago, we found out that <a href="http://www.wnyc.org/story/death-sex-money-bam-year-two/" target="_blank">comedy runs in their family</a>. We had such a good time with them that we invited Hari and his hilarious mom to join us on stage again<span>—</span>this time, for a live advice show in The Greene Space. Uma, who immigrated from India to the U.S. as a young woman, and Hari, who was raised in Queens and is now a stand-up comic, sat down with me to answer your questions about everything from money woes to relationship hurdles to pursuing a meaningful life. </p> <p>We hear from a listener named Kevin in California, who's unsure about his career path at 30. An anonymous audience member says her parents hate her boyfriend<span>—</span>and wonders what to do. A listener named Judith asks how long parents should financially support their kids. And Katie, who lives in Boston, sent in a message about finding balance between her closeness with her family (physically and emotionally) and a potential dream job that could take her abroad. </p> <p>Uma lives far away from her family, and for her that's worked. "I left my country," Uma said. "And if my kids want to do it to fulfill their career, I think I would let them go. I think without happiness you find resentment later." However, Hari says his mom has taken that approach to the extreme. When his career was first taking off, he was traveling for weeks on end. In the middle of it, Uma had a heart attack. "She didn't want me to know," Hari said. "She didn't want there to be any regret."</p> <p>Watch video of Hari and Uma on stage at The Greene Space below. </p> <p><div class="user-embedded-video"><div id="videoplayer_idm13976767059769684782912-3d95-423c-b962-2d7297af7429"><iframe width="620" height="349" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/MgmRCgPtAhU?wmode=transparent&amp;autohide=1&amp;rel=0&amp;showinfo=0&amp;feature=oembed&amp;enablejsapi=1" frameborder="0" allow="accelerometer; autoplay; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture" allowfullscreen="allowfullscreen" id="a-5142366719213346395" class="youtube_video" mozallowfullscreen="mozallowfullscreen" webkitallowfullscreen="webkitallowfullscreen" data-original-url="https://youtu.be/MgmRCgPtAhU"></iframe></div></div>  </p> <p><em>We are still hard at work on our episode about student loans. We've got another assignment for you: Send us a picture of the amount that you owe on your student loans. Take a picture of your loan statement, or write out your number in a creative way. Make sure your hands are in the picture (no faces required!) and send it in to deathsexmoney@wnyc.org. </em></p>
May 24, 2017
'Precious' Paid Off Gabourey Sidibe's Crunch Gym Debt
27:23
<p>Gabourey Sidibe was 24 and working as a phone sex operator when she was cast as the lead in the 2009 film <em>Precious</em>. It was her first acting role. "It had better change my life for the better," she remembers thinking to herself. "That’s what I prayed for." And it did: she was nominated for an Academy Award for her performance, and has since landed roles in big-budget movies like <em>Tower Heist</em> and television series like <em>American Horror Story</em>,<em> The Big C</em>, and <em>Empire</em>.  </p> <p>But financial success didn't come right away. As Gabourey writes in her new memoir, "This is Just My Face," she only made about $30,000 from that first role. And, she tells me, it went fast. "Not that I spent it on frivolous things," she says. "What I did with the money was I got out of credit card debt." Gabourey remembers calling a collections agency to pay off several thousand dollars from a Crunch Gym membership that had gone unpaid. "I was like, 'Lisa I'm gonna pay the whole thing off now,'" she laughs. "And she was like, 'Whaaaaat?' And I was like, 'Girl, I got a movie!'"</p> <p>These days, Gabourey says she's financially stable, and enjoys the attention that's come with her career—mostly. "Before I was an actress nobody said anything about my body," Gabourey says. "It took a while for me to learn that I was never going to out-talent the fact that I should be skinny in, you know, somebody else's eyes." Everyone from directors to fans have told her to do something about her weight—that she should lose it or, at times, that she should gain it back. "People think that I don't care that I am bigger, that I don't notice," she says. "I know. I'm worried." </p> <p>That worry fueled her decision to get weight loss surgery last year—something she kept from her family, her manager and her agents. "I had made up my mind and I didn't want space for anybody else's mind to be made up about it," she told me."I wanted my opinion and my comfort and my safety to be the only thing that mattered surrounding the surgery." </p>
May 17, 2017
Kevin Bacon Shows Us His Cash
32:59
<p>"We all have a different relationship with money," Kevin Bacon told me on stage when I recently interviewed him at The Greene Space in New York. "It's just as complex as death and sex."</p> <p>One thing I learned about Kevin Bacon's relationship with money in our recent conversation: he likes to carry around a lot of cash. No wallet. A wad—folded up in his pocket. "It's just a weird thing," he said. "I don't leave the house without it."</p> <p>I asked the actor about how he thinks about money differently after he and his wife, Kyra Sedgwick, famously lost much of their savings in Bernie Madoff's Ponzi scheme. "It leaves you with a sick kind of feeling," he said. "However, I think you have to live your life trying to avoid bitterness." At the time, Kyra also had steady TV work, which Kevin says helped them get through their rough financial patch. </p> <p>Now, Kevin also has a leading role on a TV series: <em>I Love Dick</em>, Jill Soloway's latest project. Kevin plays Dick—who is an intensely sexual character. We talked about how he approached the role and how he thinks about sex in his own life now that he's almost 60. "Honestly I feel like it's become in some ways even more important to me right now," he told me. "I almost feel like I'm trying to cram as much of it in before it's over for good." </p> <p><em>Watch the video below for my full conversation with Kevin Bacon on stage at The Greene Space. </em></p> <p><iframe frameborder="0" height="360" scrolling="no" src="https://livestream.com/accounts/955973/events/7371913/player?width=640&amp;height=360&amp;enableInfoAndActivity=true&amp;autoPlay=true&amp;mute=false" width="640" id="ls_embed_1494535491"> </iframe></p>
May 12, 2017
Two Wheelchairs and A Baby
25:56
<p>When Nikki Villavicencio and Darrell Paulsen found out they were going to have a baby, their first question was: What now? "It was a scared feeling. It’s not that this was not the right thing or the right feeling, but it was, 'What do we do next?'" Darrell told me.</p> <p>That’s how a lot of people feel when they first become parents. But for Nikki and Darrell, there were complicating factors. For one, neither Darrell nor Nikki has use of their legs. Darrell has cerebral palsy, and Nikki has a rare joint condition called arthogryposis, which means she doesn’t have much use of her arms either. Both rely on home health aides for tasks like bathing, using the toilet and making meals, and spend much of their time in wheelchairs. "I’m in my chair probably a good 18 to 20 hours a day," Darrell said. </p> <p><div class="user-embedded-video"><div id="videoplayer_idm13976767726761618222ce9-fb98-4496-bdd4-39c54556bb60"><iframe width="465" height="349" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/cW-F76_E8k8?wmode=transparent&amp;autohide=1&amp;rel=0&amp;showinfo=0&amp;feature=oembed&amp;enablejsapi=1" frameborder="0" allow="accelerometer; autoplay; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture" allowfullscreen="allowfullscreen" id="a2295233831262638969" class="youtube_video" mozallowfullscreen="mozallowfullscreen" webkitallowfullscreen="webkitallowfullscreen" data-original-url="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cW-F76_E8k8"></iframe></div></div>  </p> <p><em>(A video from Nikki's YouTube channel)</em></p> <p>Before Nikki got pregnant, neither of them believed it was possible for them to conceive. Their parents were told when they were young that it wasn't possible.<span> "I mean, </span>society tells us all the time that people with disabilities either can't have children or shouldn't have children," Nikki said. W<span>hen they told their family members that Nikki was expecting, some of them were worried—including Darrell's mom. But, Darrell remembers, she found hope in the fact that the couple had a cat. "</span>She used to say, 'Well if we can keep the cat alive for a year, I know you guys can be parents,'" Darrell recalls. "So we've kept the cat alive for a long time. We became parents."</p> <p>Raising their daughter hasn't been easy. Home health aides aren't supposed to help Nikki and Darrell with tasks related to parenting, whether it's laundry or schlepping a bike across the street. But as their daughter, Alley, has gotten older, she's able to do more for herself—and for her parents. "We always tell her that she doesn’t have to do anything for us...but she will be insistent," Nikki said. "She's super independent." </p> <hr> <p>Nikki and Darrell's story is a collaboration with Cosmopolitan.com and journalist Kathryn Joyce. <a href="http://www.cosmopolitan.com/politics/a9585869/disabled-parents-pregnancy-childbirth/">Read their piece here</a>.</p>
May 03, 2017
Newlywed and Paralyzed
30:08
<p>"I want to understand if this isolated feeling is normal." That’s what Rachel Swidenbank wrote to me just six weeks after a cycling accident left her husband, Hiroki Takeuchi, paralyzed from the waist down.</p> <p>The accident happened last summer, less than a month after Rachel and Hiroki got married. They'd also recently bought their first home. Quickly, almost everything in their lives changed. After major surgery and five weeks in the hospital, Hiroki had to learn to navigate the world in a wheelchair. He couldn’t dress himself or use the bathroom without help. Rachel shuttered her company, a tech startup, so that she could spend more time with him.</p> <p>Physical intimacy is different, too. "We're still in the stage of sort of shock, when it comes to that regard," Hiroki told me. Rachel added, "It's probably the hardest thing to deal with in the relationship." They're not sure how Hiroki's accident will affect their sex life in the long term, and how it will affect their chances at becoming parents. </p> <p>Rachel says she's gotten angry at Hiroki about the accident. But there are ways it's strengthened their bond, too. "The emotional connection that we have is so much deeper than it’s ever been before," Rachel told me. And despite all the changes in their relationship, some things have managed to stay the same. Hiroki is still learning how to manage his wheelchair one-handed, but he makes it a point to bring Rachel her morning cup of coffee every day, just as he always has, even if it means spilling a little bit of coffee on the kitchen floor. "It is very bittersweet," Hiroki said, reflecting on the accident, "both survival and loss mixed into one."</p> <hr> <p>Update: When we checked in with Rachel about a year after this episode was released, she told us that "things are still challenging"—including travel and dealing with grief when thinking about their lives pre-accident. However, both Rachel and Hiroki are now back at work full time, and Hiroki's physical strength has increased—making things like travel more possible. They also plan on starting the IVF process soon. </p> <p> </p>
Apr 26, 2017
Alec Baldwin Talks Money, Family, Fame and Cocaine
43:22
<p>"I completely forgot that this is an episode of Death, Sex &amp; Money. We're taping this for your show!"</p> <p>That's how Alec Baldwin responded after I started our on-stage conversation at the Brooklyn Academy of Music by asking him about money, and how he thinks about accumulating it. It's a topic he addresses head-on in his new memoir, <em>Nevertheless</em>, explaining that the reason he wrote the book was because he got paid for it. While Alec told me he believes "a lot in providence, financially," he says he's often made clear career choices motivated by the paycheck. It's a tactic he says he learned early on, from older actor mentors. "Embrace the commercial," Alec says, "But then when you can, you run off and do these other things for your soul." </p> <p>That willingness to say yes has led Alec into a very public existence<span>—</span>hosting Saturday Night Live a record-breaking 17 times, engaging in local politics and philanthropy, and maintaining an active social media presence. But being in the spotlight has also led to regular spats with the tabloid press, a cocaine habit in the 1980s, and his very visible custody battle in the 1990s<span>—</span>something he also covers in his book. When asked what advice he would give to a friend going through a split now, Alec said, "Find a way that you can get into therapy and get into the collaborative divorce. The dignified divorce. You're gonna regret if you don't." </p> <p>Alec remarried in 2012 and has had three more children in a little over three years. He says he's embraced the chaos that has come with having little kids back in his life. "My role is to support her," he said of his wife, Hilaria. "I kind of accept that in order to make things easy. As my dad taught me, parenthood is a contest between two people where the dad always wins the bronze medal."</p>
Apr 12, 2017
An Update From the Sex Worker Next Door
9:28
<p>I first talked with a woman we're calling Emma almost two years ago, after she sent me an email. At the time, she was supporting her family as a sex worker, and wanted to share her story about how she got into sensual massage and why she didn't feel any guilt about working with married clients. </p> <p>We recorded an interview. And then, months later, we recorded another one, because after the first time we talked Emma says the way she felt about her work started to shift. When we spoke for the second time, she'd taken a long break from her work doing sensual massage, but had just started seeing clients in her studio again because she needed the money. She said she was trying to figure out a way to go back to school and put sex work behind her, but wasn't sure how she'd pull it off. You can hear both of those conversations in the episode that we put out called <a href="http://www.wnyc.org/story/sex-worker-next-door/">The Sex Worker Next Door</a>. </p> <p>The podcast <a href="http://www.wnyc.org/story/sex-worker-next-door-snap-808-boxed">Snap Judgment</a> recently re-aired that episode, and I reached out to Emma to see what's happened in her life since we talked. As it turns out, a lot has changed. Listen to our conversation.</p>
Apr 12, 2017
Pleased to Meet You, Nancy
16:32
<p>I first met Kathy Tu and Tobin Low two years ago, when they had an idea for a new podcast. The two friends wanted to make a show that would feature fun, honest and edgy stories and conversations about all things gay. And today, I'm so excited to finally introduce <a href="http://www.wnyc.org/shows/nancy/">Nancy</a>, their podcast, to all of you!</p> <p>The story we're sharing with you is from one of their very first episodes. It's about Kathy and her mom, and coming out with the help of Google Translate. </p> <p>You can find out more about Nancy at nancypodcast.org. Subscribe today!</p>
Apr 10, 2017
Why Rashema Melson Left Georgetown
12:31
<p>I met Rashema Melson in the middle of her sophomore year at Georgetown University. She'd made national headlines the year before when she graduated as valedictorian of her D.C. high school class after spending several years living in a homeless shelter. It was a feat that landed her a scholarship at Georgetown—and saddled her with a lot of pressure. "I can't fail, I mean what would I do?" Rashema said <a href="http://www.wnyc.org/story/rashema-death-sex-money/">as we talked in her dorm's common room</a>, weeks before finals. "Do I want to believe that I didn't work hard enough or there is something more that I could have done? I just—yeah, no, I can't fail." </p> <p>After our conversation, I kept tabs on Rashema through her video blog—which is how I found out that just months after we talked, she left Georgetown. She married a longtime boyfriend in the military, and transferred to a new school in Tennessee to be closer to his base—hundreds of miles away from her old life in Washington D.C. He was in the car with her when I called recently to find out how she was feeling about all of her big life changes. But our call quickly took an unexpected turn, and Rashema told me she's considering a return to Georgetown. "Why run away from what I'm destined to do just because people are showing me that they’re on my side?" she said. "When I had all these people in my corner, I didn't know how to receive that."</p>
Apr 05, 2017
A Prison Guard In Transition
26:38
<p>Mandi Hauwert was 32 and a few years into her career as a correctional officer at San Quentin State Prison when she started to wear eyeliner to work. "Just a little bit," she tells me. "Just to have some sense of feeling when I went to work that I was being secretly feminine."</p> <p>At the time, Mandi hadn't come out being transgender. She'd struggled with her secret for years—becoming depressed and suicidal as a teenager, joining the Navy to feel "a little more manly," and finally gathering the courage to open up to one of her female coworkers at the prison. "She was super accepting," Mandi told me. "And then it got me thinking, like, maybe—maybe—I could come out." But after another colleague started to ask questions about the makeup she was wearing, Mandi got called in to her supervisor's office. "I immediately told them that I was transgender," she says. "And their immediate response was that they don't allow cross-dressing."</p> <p>Mandi eventually got permission to come to work as a woman, and since July 2012, she's done just that. The health insurance she receives as a state employee also covered most of her gender reassignment surgery in 2015. Still, continuing to work as a guard hasn't been easy. Early on, inmates called her names. And while that's eased up over time, Mandi says her colleagues haven't gotten over her transition yet. "It's walking into a room full of officers and having everybody move their chairs over to one side, away from you," Mandi says. "I hate the negativity." </p> <p>Mandi's also gotten some pushback from the trans community, which she says views police officers and guards with a lot of suspicion. "To be fair, law enforcement has historically treated trans people very poorly," she says. But Mandi is holding firm to the idea that being a part of the system is what could eventually bring about change. "Who knows?" she laughs. "<span>I could be the first transgender warden."</span></p>
Mar 29, 2017
I Was Your Father, Until I Wasn't
28:15
<p>Tony* wasn't sure what to say when the woman he'd slept with told him she was pregnant. First, he says, there was a long pause. They weren't a couple, and he didn't want to say the wrong thing. "I told her that it was her choice and if she chose to keep it, then I would be a good dad," he remembers. "I was freaking out." </p> <p>At the time, Tony was in his mid-20s, working as a bartender and photographer in a college town out west. Tony started paying child support for his daughter near the end of the pregnancy, went to prenatal appointments, and took parenting classes along with the baby's mother. On the day his daughter was born, Tony cut the umbilical cord. </p> <p>And Tony was an active father. As soon as his daughter could take a bottle, he says he started sharing custody of her, sometimes watching her three or four days a week. "We were really just good buddies," he says. "<span>It felt good to have purpose, and it felt amazing to love something so much, in a completely new way." </span></p> <p>Money became a source of tension, though, between Tony and the baby's mother. So did the fact that as his daughter got older, she started looking less like him or her mother. Tony decided to get a paternity test when his daughter was about a year old. "I couldn't play it dumb forever," Tony says<span>—</span>but he also feared the results. "That's not something that you want to know, especially when you love something so much."</p> <p>Tony quickly learned the truth: he had a <em>zero</em> percent probability of being the biological father. He called the mother to tell her, and soon after that, he met Victor*, the man who is his daughter's biological father. Over beers, they talked about Tony's shock, Victor's suspicions from the sidelines, and their plan for the little girl they both considered a daughter. More than two years later, they joined me to talk about the logistics and emotions of the transition that followed, which included packing up a pickup truck with nursery furniture to move it from Tony's place to Victor's. </p> <p><em>*Last names have been withheld for privacy reasons.</em></p>
Mar 15, 2017
Live from the Internet: Jason Isbell, Amanda Shires & You
61:44
<p><a href="http://www.wnyc.org/story/confessions-of-a-nashville-power-couple/">We met Jason Isbell and Amanda Shires</a> three years ago to hear about their love story. They met when Jason was still struggling with sobriety, and got married about a year before we first sat down. Since then, they've continued to create new music, moved into a new house together, and had their first child—Mercy. After <a href="http://www.wnyc.org/story/cut-loose-breakups-death-sex-money/">our recent episode on breakups</a>, we couldn't think of a better duo to take your questions about heartache, relationships, creativity and loss. </p> <p>A caller named Rebecca in Alaska wants to know how the two strike a balance between their creativity and their love for each other. "Happiness is the most important thing," Amanda says. "You've got to make yourself happy first, and be the truest self you can, before you can even try and be happy in a relationship." Russ calls in from Adairsville, Georgia to ask Jason and Amanda if they share their works in progress—especially if they write about each other. "If it's true and honest—no rules," Amanda says. "If the piece of art is good enough, no one can argue with it," Jason adds.</p> <p>We also hear from Lori in Ukiah, California, who lost her husband to cancer. She wants to know about Jason's relationship to his faith these days. "For me, it's about not needing too many answers," he responds, adding he still relies on his faith in God for support. Muhammad from Boston shares his struggle to stay authentic as a Middle Eastern musician playing Americana music. "Americana is America," Amanda says. "Play your folk songs. It's going to kick ass."</p> <p><em>Let us know what you think of our live-call in format! If you enjoyed it, tell us what you'd like our next call-in to be about and who should be our guests by emailing us at <a href="emailto:deathsexmoney@wnyc.org">deathsexmoney@wnyc.org</a>.</em></p> <p> </p> <p><strong>Jason &amp; Amanda's Playlist</strong></p> <p>Leonard Cohen, (<em>ANY</em> Leonard Cohen song, Amanda says)</p> <p>Ray LaMontagne, <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yxcYH-8Ugk4">"Lesson Learned"</a></p> <p>Willie Nelson, <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R7f189Z0v0Y">"You Are Always On My Mind"</a></p> <p>Willie Nelson, <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C3PB1jWO3_E">"Angel Flying Too Close to the Ground"</a></p> <p>Willie Nelson, <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rWeuaRO3E9Y">"Remember Me"</a></p> <p>Willie Nelson, <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dBN86y30Ufc">"On the Road Again"</a></p> <p>Jason Isbell, <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zKX5caTE0IE">"Flagship"</a></p> <p>Amanda Shires, <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TUsh9CltZcA">"You Are My Home"</a></p> <p> </p>
Mar 08, 2017
Cristela Alonzo's Lower Classy Comedy
25:25
<div class="" data-block="true" data-editor="46mkc" data-offset-key="88bhu-0-0"> <div data-offset-key="88bhu-0-0" class="public-DraftStyleDefault-block public-DraftStyleDefault-ltr"> <p>Comedian Cristela Alonzo says she didn't grow up with much. Her mom raised four kids on her own in an abandoned diner with no running power or water in South Texas. Things are different for Cristela these days. "I have the kind of money where I can go into a Target and go on my own <em>Pretty Woman</em> shopping spree," she tells me.</p> <p>Cristela became the first Latina to develop, write, produce and star in her own network TV show. The self-titled sitcom, <em>Cristela</em>, premiered in 2014, but only lasted one season due to disappointing ratings. Still, for Cristela, failure isn’t enough of a reason to stop. "The worst that can happen to me is I end up being as poor as I started, and I know what it's like to live life that poor," she explains.</p> <p>Cristela spent a lot of time in front of the TV as a kid while her mom worked double shifts at restaurants to pay the bills. Cristela's mom moved the family into the abandoned diner when she discovered her husband was having an affair, leaving him behind in Mexico. "She was trying to survive and trying to get us to survive," she says of her mother. "She had no community. She had nothing, and you can tell how hard it was on her."</p> <p>In high school, Cristela struggled between obligations to her family and her own professional aspirations. She enjoyed theater and acting, which eventually drew her towards Los Angeles. After a series of fits and starts, she ended up back in Texas when she found out her mom was gravely ill. "In my family, the parents pick the kid that will take care of them when they're older, and my mom picked me," she remembers. "It's kind of winning a really resentful lottery."</p> <p>Even though her show was cancelled in 2015, Cristela's stories about family and money are still a big part of her comedy—especially in her latest comedy special, <em>Lower Classy</em>. "I like talking about where I came from to show people why I am the way I am now," she says. "The poverty I grew up with made me want to work really hard to not ever be that poor again."</p> <div class="embedded-image"><img class="mcePuppyImage" src="https://media2.wnyc.org/i/459/612/l/80/1/IMG_6202.JPG" alt="" width="70%"> <div class="image-metadata"> <div class="image-caption">Cristela Alonzo's customized shoes that translate to "badass."</div> <div class="image-credit">(Katie Bishop)</div> </div> </div> <p> </p> </div> </div>
Feb 22, 2017
Cut Loose: Your Breakup Stories
41:49
<p>When Nan Bauer-Maglin was 60 years old, her husband left her for his 25-year-old student. "<span>I thought about suicide. You know, there’s a great feeling of rejection especially if you’re older," she told me. "You just feel ugly and invisible and sad and quite gray." </span></p> <p>Nan wrote a book inspired by their breakup and called it <em><a href="https://www.amazon.com/Cut-Loose-Mostly-Long-Term-Relationships/dp/0813538475">Cut Loose</a></em>. "First I was gonna call it 'Dumped.' But that’s so negative," she told me. "<em>Cut Loose</em> is also about freedom." </p> <p>Nan is one of hundreds of listeners who shared their breakup stories with us, after we asked for them last year. And she's not the only one who mentioned a potent mix of rejection, liberation, and confusion at the end of a relationship.</p> <p>A listener named Drew remembers when his boyfriend went on a trip, left his dog at Drew's house, and never came back. Thomas*, who got married right out of college, is 25 and unsure of what his life will look like after his impending divorce. Mia sent in a voice memo about leaving her boyfriend behind, and struggling with the decision years later. Identical twins Matthew and Peter Slutsky realized they needed to break up after years of living parallel lives: attending the same college, working the same jobs, living with their families in the same neighborhood. Creating some distance was part of growing up, but that doesn't mean it wasn't hurtful. </p> <p>In your breakup stories, you also described how hard it can be to know when it's over. Steve* knows he's not happy right now, but isn't sure if the problem is him or his long-term boyfriend. "I love him and I don’t want to hurt him," he told me. "This just seems like kind of a way to wipe the slate clean and start over." </p> <p>Sometimes, though, breaking up can also feel like a long overdue exhale. Beth, a listener in Philadelphia, recalls the day when she was riding her bike on her commute and choked out the words, "I don't want to be married!" She was divorced within a year, and looking back now, wishes she hadn't waited so long to be honest about her feelings. </p> <p><span>Whether you're in the middle of a breakup or you've been through one in the past, check out our </span><a href="https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1M42gLZLANOxXxl9-N2MEYcw0FW9ng2fSRhaLtrMykw0/edit">Breakup Survival Kit.</a> It's a Google doc created by all of you that's filled with your best suggestions about what to read, watch, listen to and do after a split. Plus: see what our listener Emily Theis built from your suggestions, at <a href="http://breakupsurvival.guide/">breakupsurvival.guide</a>. </p> <p> *Name changed for privacy reasons</p>
Feb 15, 2017
The NFL Made Me Rich. Now I Watch It... Sometimes.
40:46
<p>When Domonique Foxworth and I first talked, the former NFL player was attending Harvard Business School and looking forward to a career as a high-powered executive. "I want to get to the point where I feel comfortable saying the things I’ve achieved financially are partially because of football, but even more because of what I’ve done afterwards," Domonique told me. </p> <p>That's saying a lot. Shortly before an injury permanently sidelined his career, Domonique signed a contract with the Baltimore Ravens worth $28 million. It was the culmination of years of devotion to the sport—much of which was unpaid. As a college football player at the University of Maryland, Domonique remembers feeling pressure to prioritize the school's athletics over his own academics. "That will benefit the coach, the university, the president, the alumni, the students," he told me. "None of us had any control or leverage in order to protect ourselves."</p> <p>Years later, when his own payday finally came—in a big way—Domonique says it didn't feel quite as good as he had hoped. "We get paid well because the talents that we have are so rare," he says. "But you’re still the labor." It was around that time that Domonique tore his ACL, and decided that he was ready to leave football behind. </p> <p>Since my first conversation with Domonique, a lot has changed in his life. He's graduated from business school, had a third child, and moved to Washington, D.C. And his career sights have shifted. After landing a job as a top sports executive, he realized he wasn't happy. "I kind of made the decision to try my best to quiet those egotistical urges in me that liked having the big title and liked having the big salary," he told me when we recently caught up by phone. "So I quit with no plan to do anything else." We talk about what he's doing now, and about how his years playing football continue to have an impact on the way he lives his life today. </p> <p>Read Domonique's <a href="http://ftw.usatoday.com/2016/01/domonique-foxworth-concussion">reflections on the film <em>Concussion</em></a>, as well as <a href="https://theundefeated.com/contributors/domonique-foxworth/">some of his writing for ESPN's site The Undefeated</a>.</p> <div class="embedded-image"><img class="mcePuppyImage" src="https://media2.wnyc.org/i/800/1199/l/80/1/foxworth_0064_cropped_KJAfJvs.jpg" alt="" width="500px"> <div class="image-metadata"> <div class="image-caption">Domonique Foxworth with his family.</div> <div class="image-credit">(Courtesy of Domonique Foxworth)</div> </div> </div>
Feb 01, 2017
Mahershala Ali on Faith, Love and Success
19:18
<p><a href="http://www.wnyc.org/story/death-sex-money-bam-year-two/">We met actor Mahershala Ali and his wife, the artist Amatus, last year in Brooklyn</a>, a few months after he filmed his scenes for Barry Jenkins' film "Moonlight." Now, ten months later, Mahershala has earned his first Academy Award nomination for his role as Juan, a Miami drug dealer who takes the movie's main character, a young boy whose mother struggles with addiction, under his wing.</p> <p>Just last month, Mahershala also announced some exciting personal news: He and Amatus are expecting their first child. </p> <p>Today, we're revisiting our conversation the the couple, which took place months before the buzz of awards season or news of their first baby. On stage in Brooklyn last March, we learned how Mahershala and Amatus first met when they were students at NYU, and how they reconnected years later after Amatus suffered a violent loss in her family. They also shared how their Muslim faith grounds them, and how it guides them through their careers today. </p> <p><a href="http://www.wnyc.org/story/death-sex-money-bam-year-two/">Listen back to our entire live show with Mahershala and Amatus (as well as Rosie Perez, Hari Kondabolu, Lisa Fischer and more) from last March at the Brooklyn Academy of Music.</a></p> <blockquote class="instagram-media" data-instgrm-captioned="" data-instgrm-version="7" style="background: #FFF; border: 0; border-radius: 3px; box-shadow: 0 0 1px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.5),0 1px 10px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.15); margin: 1px; max-width: 658px; padding: 0; width: calc(100% - 2px);"> <div style="padding: 8px;"> <div style="background: #F8F8F8; line-height: 0; margin-top: 40px; padding: 28.10185185185185% 0; text-align: center; width: 100%;"> <div style="background: url(data:image/png; base64,ivborw0kggoaaaansuheugaaacwaaaascamaaaapwqozaaaabgdbtueaalgpc/xhbqaaaafzukdcak7ohokaaaamuexurczmzpf399fx1+bm5mzy9amaaadisurbvdjlvzxbesmgces5/p8/t9furvcrmu73jwlzosgsiizurcjo/ad+eqjjb4hv8bft+idpqocx1wjosbfhh2xssxeiyn3uli/6mnree07uiwjev8ueowds88ly97kqytlijkktuybbruayvh5wohixmpi5we58ek028czwyuqdlkpg1bkb4nnm+veanfhqn1k4+gpt6ugqcvu2h2ovuif/gwufyy8owepdyzsa3avcqpvovvzzz2vtnn2wu8qzvjddeto90gsy9mvlqtgysy231mxry6i2ggqjrty0l8fxcxfcbbhwrsyyaaaaaelftksuqmcc); display: block; height: 44px; margin: 0 auto -44px; position: relative; top: -22px; width: 44px;"></div> </div> <p style="margin: 8px 0 0 0; padding: 0 4px;"><a style="color: #000; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: 17px; text-decoration: none; word-wrap: break-word;" href="https://www.instagram.com/p/BNuvTXFDStO/" target="_blank">And this... What a surprise. So much love.</a></p> <p style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 0; margin-top: 8px; overflow: hidden; padding: 8px 0 7px; text-align: center; text-overflow: ellipsis; white-space: nowrap;">A video posted by Amatus (@amatus23) on <time style="font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 17px;" datetime="2016-12-07T21:02:46+00:00">Dec 7, 2016 at 1:02pm PST</time></p> </div> </blockquote> <script src="http://platform.instagram.com/en_US/embeds.js"></script> <p> </p> <p>It looks like Amatus and Mahershala had a lot of fun at their baby shower last month!</p>
Jan 24, 2017
I Had Babies To Pay For My Baby
30:16
<p>Sarah Short remembers being 19 years old, staring at the bill from the hospital where she gave birth to her daughter. It added up to about $10,000. "There's the anesthesia, the hospital stay, and the doctor—and I just laughed," she tells me. "I was like, 'I can't pay this.'"</p> <p>Sarah had health insurance, but it didn't cover obstetrics. And she'd waited too long into her pregnancy to apply for Medicaid. She felt guilty about bringing so much debt into her new marriage—she married her boyfriend right before her baby was born—and when the bill went to collections, the dollar amount climbed even higher. </p> <p>"I would just get so overwhelmed and I would be like we're never going to be able to get out from under this," Sarah told me. "And it felt like it was all my fault." So, she started researching ways that she could make money to pay off her bill. She tried to sell her eggs, but says she wasn't what the clinic wanted in an egg donor. "But you're a great candidate for surrogacy," she remembers being told. Soon after Sarah filled out an application at a surrogacy agency, she met the parents she'd be working with—a lesbian couple who turned to surrogacy after years of trying to adopt.</p> <p>Sarah ended up having twins for the couple, although this pregnancy and childbirth were very different from what Sarah went through giving birth to her own children. "When my son was born I looked at him…and it was a huge profound moment in my life that I remember," Sarah says. "When the twins were born they didn't look like me, and they weren't mine. I wanted them to get to their parents."</p> <p>Even after giving birth, Sarah's work wasn't over. For several months, she pumped breast milk for the twins, which she also got paid for. Still, she's careful when she explains how much money she made from surrogacy: around $40,000. "I'm always reticent just to tell people just a flat number because it sounds so high and it sounds like I sold these babies for this amount of money," she says. "When in actuality I had a part-time job for two years."</p> <p>That part-time job helped Sarah pay off her medical bills and make a down payment on a new house. She describes her life today as "a life that I could have never pictured for myself a few years ago." But when Sarah recently tried to become a surrogate again, she realized that the process might not go as smoothly the second time. "Why is this not working? This doesn't make sense," Sarah told me. "It felt like I'd been fired, because I'd had this thought of, I have this job, I'm gonna have this income, and then I didn't." </p>
Jan 18, 2017
Tracy Clayton Is Speaking Things Into Existence
27:31
<p>Right before the new year, <em>Another Round</em> podcast host and writer Tracy Clayton tweeted:</p> <blockquote class="twitter-tweet" data-lang="en"> <p dir="ltr" lang="en">there are so many things i want for 2017 and i believe in speaking things into existence so im gonna use this thread to do that</p> — Tracy Clayton (@brokeymcpoverty) <a href="https://twitter.com/brokeymcpoverty/status/814144136492236800">December 28, 2016</a></blockquote> <script src="http://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js"></script> <p>What followed were 30 tweets about the things Tracy wants when it comes to family, relationships, work and finances. Some were funny (<a href="https://twitter.com/brokeymcpoverty/status/814146454096900096">"I want some real fucking grown up furniture!"</a>) and others were serious (<a href="https://twitter.com/brokeymcpoverty/status/814145563176423424">"I</a><span><a href="https://twitter.com/brokeymcpoverty/status/814145563176423424"> want to do the hard work of reconciling my past relationships so that I can prep myself for the partner and kids I'm scared to admit I want"</a>). I watched her tweets coming down my feed in real time—and thought what she was doing was really brave. </span></p> <p><span>I wanted to talk with Tracy about what inspired her goal-setting outburst, and about the things she wants for her 2017. </span>"I feel like I've been in transition for a really long time," she told me. "I don't feel like both of my feet are planted firmly on the ground." At 34, Tracy's been in New York for less than three years<span>—and</span> has had a hugely successful career rise during that time. But, she says, "I didn't feel like the rest of my life reflected that same sort of success or happiness." Tracy says she hopes that by announcing her goals to the world rather than keeping them to herself, she'll be held accountable. "I’m very used to letting myself down," she said. "I’m much more afraid of letting other people down." </p> <p>Tracy's already started knocking things off of her 2017 to-do list. She opened her first-ever savings account just a few days into the new year. She got drunk with her relatives for the first time over the holidays, "giving myself permission to be a grown-ass woman around my family." And, she's gearing herself up to take on some of the bigger challenges<span>—</span>like finding a partner. "I don’t do very well with actually tying up loose ends once those ends become loose," she told me about her past relationships. "And now I’m like, okay, Trace, if you never ever ever fix it and wade through this uncomfortable-ass box, then you know, sure, you’ll probably be fine, but what if you could be more than fine? What if you could be happy? Wouldn’t that be cool?" </p>
Jan 11, 2017
A Son and His Mom Laugh Through Darkness
30:47
<p>In 2014, after Bex Montz dropped out college, transitioned and got sober, he tried to kill himself. Before losing consciousness, he called 911. When he woke up, the first thing he saw was his mom, Katie Ryan, sitting in the corner of his hospital room. </p> <p>Bex told me his story earlier this year in our episode about <a href="http://www.wnyc.org/story/when-i-almost-died/">near-death experiences</a>. He's living with his mom in San Francisco, and soon after I moved to California, I asked Bex if I could catch up with him in person—and meet his mom. </p> <p>In our follow-up conversation, I learned about the depression that Bex has struggled with since he was a kid and, as his mom told me, that his extended family didn't know Bex was a suicide survivor until the podcast episode came out this spring. Bex said he couldn't believe it. "I've been mentally ill since I was like 13 years old," he said. "Jesus Christ, I hope there's a suicide attempt in there somewhere! Or else, I'm like, what have I been doing with the last couple of years, you know?"</p> <p>This prompted Bex and his mom to burst into laughter.</p> <p>This is how they talk about all they've gone through as a family, with brutal honesty and cutting humor<span>—</span>whether they're describing Bex's father's sudden death, Bex's ongoing depression, or his gender transition in his 20s. "These gender issues are, like, the smallest problems we've faced together," his mom Katie described. "They're miniscule, for me, compared to the mental health issues."</p> <p>Those issues have made parenting Bex difficult, he freely admits, both when he was a kid and now that he's an adult. "I want to try to figure out all this shit by myself," he told me. "That's my ideal." </p> <p>"I've learned I can't keep him safe," Katie added. "<span>I thought that sleeping on a mattress outside his door and taking the door off the door jam would keep him safe. It meant nothing. It meant that I was pissing him off because he didn't have a door to his bedroom and I was sleeping on the floor outside his bedroom because I couldn't trust him. And it didn't work."</span></p> <p><span>"Ugh. I'm such an asshole," Bex responded. "I haven't made things easy on anybody. And, like, that's obviously not a choice. But it also doesn't feel good, you know." </span></p> <p><span>Now, Bex is focusing on staying healthy and reapplying to college. He isn't sure whether he would ever want to be a parent, but right now, he said he's leaning against it. "T</span>here's this thing that you love desperately and you always want to be around, and progressively over the course of it's life, as it gets more interesting, you have to let it go."</p> <p>"Like, that sounds awful. That sounds horrible!" Bex exclaimed. "Both of you guys are fucking idiots!"</p> <p>After that, we all burst into laughter.   </p>
Dec 28, 2016
My Awkward Money Talk With Sallie Krawcheck
28:15
<p>Before she was a Wall Street executive or the CEO of an investment company for women, Sallie Krawcheck was a little kid, listening to her parents fight about money. </p> <p><span>"You just knew, once a month, they were gonna have a big fight and somebody was gonna storm out of the house," she told me. "</span><span>It was a really stressful and tense topic for us, because we didn't have any." </span></p> <p>That taught Sallie that she never wanted to be in that position. She says she started working in the third grade, filing papers at her dad's law office. By high school, Sallie was lending her parents money to fix the furnace when it gave out. "I wanted to make my own money. I did not want to have those fights with a spouse, or be put in a position where I would be financially vulnerable," she said. </p> <p>Sallie learned that lesson again after she began her career in finance, and she found out her first husband was having an affair. She had graduated from business school, but at the time of their divorce, she wasn't in charge of their finances. "<span>I knew vaguely how much we had, but it was an eye-opener," she says. "When you're reeling from a break to a relationship, that's a really bad time to try and figure out how to manage your money." </span></p> <p>Sallie remarried, and while she and her husband raised their two kids, Sallie's career continued to advance. She became the CEO of Smith Barney, and then, a top executive at Citigroup. She was there when the financial crisis hit in 2008, and Sallie was fired amid corporate infighting about how to handle some of the bank's major losses. "We told the kids that we were okay. You know, that mom got fired, mom got re-orged out and that we were okay as a family," she says. "I think the conversations were that straightforward." </p> <p>This year, Sallie started Ellevest, a financial planning firm specifically focused on women. When I asked whether her Wall Street past ever makes it awkward to have money conversations with women who earn much less, it got a little heated. "I have made money in my life. Isn't it interesting I had to come back and tell you that I also lost a lot of money in my life, as if I'm apologizing for it. It's funny. You've made me feel quite defensive," she told me. </p> <p>"It is interesting how awkward it is to talk about it," Sallie added, "even though I talk about it in the abstract everyday." </p>
Dec 21, 2016
Let's Talk About Porn
31:05
<p>Porn. It’s something that people use in their most intimate, private moments. It’s a way to acknowledge desire—without any of the attachments of intimacy. For some of you, that's incredibly freeing. For others, it's caused some real problems.</p> <p>This spring, we heard from a listener named James* who described himself as a recovering porn addict. He was struggling to stay away from porn while his wife was out of town. His story made us wonder about your own relationship with porn, so we asked you about it. More than 100 responses later, you told us how you first learned about porn, what drew you to it, and why some of you have had to turn away from it completely.</p> <p>Rose* was in her 30s when she first stumbled across a porn video on Tumblr. She tried to put it away, but kept coming back to it. "I was going through heartbreak at that time, and really craving affection and love and desire," she tells me. "Seeing that acted out…I found it intriguing." Another listener, Antonio*, says porn helps him stay faithful to his boyfriend by letting him live out his fantasies on his smartphone. <span>And Michael* says his porn collection is a stress reliever that he carefully tends to "like a rose garden."</span></p> <p>We also heard from listeners like Daniel*, who've had to cut porn out of their lives entirely. Daniel went cold turkey three years ago when he realized porn had become a coping mechanism for his mental illness and was hurting his relationship with his girlfriend. "It's hard because it gives me a really intense pleasurable feeling," he says. "But it’s also usually followed by a lot of shame, too."</p> <p><span>But for Jennifer*, experimenting with porn and talking about it openly can be helpful—even though it often makes the people she's dating uncomfortable. "I think it's important to just get it out of the way," she says. "You can have a better sex life when all the cards are out on the table."</span></p> <p>*<em>Names changed for privacy reasons.</em></p>
Dec 07, 2016
Other Americans
58:48
<p>Since the election, Americans on both sides of the political divide have been feeling deeply alienated and profoundly misunderstood. So we've been asking our listeners one central question: <strong>What's the thing that you wish other Americans understood about you, that they don't? </strong></p> <p>In this live call-in special, Anna speaks with listeners about their answers to this question. Among the Americans we hear from are Kelly, a black woman in Portland, Oregon, who feels frustrated by the "smugness" of the white liberals she's surrounded by and sometimes feels like she's not being seen in her community; David, a first-generation Jewish American who was inspired by a recent <a href="http://www.nytimes.com/2016/11/20/us/politics/white-nationalists-celebrate-an-awakening-after-donald-trumps-victory.html">white nationalist speech</a> to wear a kippah for the first time in his adult life; Katherine, a Republican who's tired of being labeled a racist and a bigot; and Jorge, who identifies as a progressive but wants other Americans to know that plenty of Latinos lean right politically. </p> <p>We also hear from Nora*, a Republican staffer on Capitol Hill who voted for Hillary Clinton and was shocked when Donald Trump won. "When I voted for Hillary...I did it completely against my own career interests," Nora says. "There are so many people [on Capitol Hill] like me....We are simultaneously terrified of the uncharted unknown but also really excited to...do what we envision for the country." </p> <p><em>This call-in special is part of The United States of Anxiety, WNYC's election series. Find out more about the series <a href="http://www.wnyc.org/shows/anxiety">here</a>. </em></p> <p>*Name changed for privacy reasons</p>
Nov 23, 2016
What Money Can't Solve
30:14
<p>On November 2, 1983, Darrell Cannon was woken up by the Chicago police banging on his door. He knew the drill. As a longtime gang member, run-ins with the cops were common. He'd already served more than a decade behind bars for a murder conviction.</p> <p>But that day, something unexpected happened: Darrell says the cops tortured him while they were questioning him. During the torture, Darrell confessed to a crime that landed him back behind bars for 24 years. </p> <p>This didn't just happen to Darrell. Between the 1970s and the 1990s, more than 100 people—most of them black men—say they were tortured too. The city of Chicago has officially acknowledged that this happened. Earlier this year, the city approved a $5.5 million reparations package to 57 of the people who suffered at the hands of the police. </p> <p>Planet Money reporter Noel King interviewed Darrell shortly after he picked up his reparations check earlier this year. She shared his story as part of a larger Planet Money episode called "<a href="http://www.npr.org/sections/money/2016/07/20/486785422/episode-713-paying-for-the-crime">Paying for the Crime</a>." And today, in collaboration with Planet Money, we're sharing more of Darrell's story with you. It's a story about money—and the things that money can't solve.</p> <p>"I hate 'em," Darrell says. "That ain’t never gonna change."</p>
Nov 17, 2016
If You're Not ____, Then Never Mind
24:14
<p>Actor Amy Landecker got divorced in 2011. "It was the worst time of my whole life," Amy says. "People told me it was going to get better and I didn't believe them." Amy and her ex-husband share custody of their daughter, and Amy struggled with being away from her for days at a time. "I would watch <em>Louie</em>, there was this one episode in particular where, when his kids would leave he would eat doughnuts, get high and want to kill himself," Amy remembers. "I was just so comforted. Because I was like, 'That's how I feel.'" </p> <p>Amy's 47 now, and says the pain of her divorce has eased as time has passed. In the past few years, she's found breakout success in her role as Sarah, the oldest sister on the series <em>Transparent</em>. That's also how she met her boyfriend, actor Bradley Whitford. "My daughter was worried that I was gonna be alone and...she was like, let's just make a list of the qualities that we're looking for," Amy laughs. "So she takes out this piece of paper and she titles it, 'If You're Not This, Then Never Mind.'" Soon after that, Amy met Bradley—who met a lot of their requirements. "I wanted him to like cats and dogs," Amy says. "Bradley has both, which is very rare." </p> <p>For the past two decades, Amy has also been sober—a decision she made at 24, after years of hard partying and some sexual close calls.<span> Plus, drinking was getting in the way of her career. "The final drink of my life was before an audition," Amy remembers. </span>"I was absolutely terrible and I was like, 'I'm not going to be able to do what I want to do for a living if I continue down this path.'" </p> <p> </p> <p>Before being cast on <em>Transparent</em>, Amy worked as a voiceover actor—and voice double. Don't know what that is? Watch this video from <em>New York</em> magazine. Get ready to be amazed. </p> <p><iframe frameborder="0" height="480" src="http://player.ooyala.com/static/v4/stable/4.4.11/skin-plugin/iframe.html?ec=swMGI5NjE6MmY-UKlV8V07UTKGLN90Kw&amp;pbid=60b6bf3054a74417a56d08b5889f5116&amp;pcode=N0cmYyOrSYkNVK6-lYgHDAEJiUFl" width="640"></iframe></p>
Nov 04, 2016
Death, Sex & Money Live at Chicago’s Music Box Theatre | November 14, 2016
<p>Death, Sex &amp; Money is live from Chicago’s Music Box Theatre in partnership with WBEZ on Monday, Nov. 14! Anna sits down with writer and actor Mara Wilson (<em>Matilda</em>, <em>BoJack Horseman</em>) to talk about sex, death and life after child stardom.</p> <p>Stay after the interview for a screening of one of Mara’s favorite films—<em>Clueless</em>—as part of the Music Box Theatre’s “My Favorite Flick” series.</p> <p><a href="https://www.eventbrite.com/e/death-sex-money-live-tickets-28366099768">Get your tickets to the show today</a>, or get a <a href="https://www.eventbrite.com/e/wbez-podcast-passport-film-tickets-28370455797">Podcast Passport from our friends at WBEZ</a>.</p>
Oct 26, 2016
I Was More Angry At God
26:48
<p>Two years ago, Jane Chung was living in New York, working at a startup and having the time of her life. The business she co-founded, called Klooff—a sort of "Instagram for pets"—was growing by leaps and bounds. "Everything seemed to align," Jane says. "And I would call my dad every day and I will tell him all the news." Jane, who was 30 at the time, hoped that after her startup got big, she could sell it and help her dad leave behind the dollar store business he owned in California. </p> <p>And then, on October 31, 2014, Jane got a phone call from her mother. "Her voice was really weird," Jane remembers. "There was like the feeling that you just kind of know that something awful happened." Jane's father had been shot and killed in a robbery.</p> <p>That phone call rerouted the course of Jane's life—leading her to pack up her things in New York, sell her business and completely start over in California. Jane moved in with her mom, and struggled to accept that the God she had trusted to take care of her family had let something so terrible happen. "Most people were angry at the murderer," Jane says. "I think I was more angry at God."</p> <p>In the past two years, Jane's been adjusting to her new life on the West Coast, and figuring out where to draw boundaries between herself and her mother. And she's trying to see God in a new way—and accept that she won't always be able to predict what's coming next. "You collect things in life, you gather pieces, you don't know what you're gonna do with those pieces but somehow it maps to something in your future," Jane says. "It can become a bigger piece of work. I think that's what God does."</p> <p><em>Jane made a video that was played in court at her father's killer's sentencing. Watch it below.</em></p> <p><em><div class="user-embedded-video"><div id="videoplayer_idm1402962357048008b0c2d21-1205-4b7e-b7cd-92e5befa96ba"><iframe width="620" height="349" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/cIwu86Y72Zo?wmode=transparent&amp;autohide=1&amp;rel=0&amp;showinfo=0&amp;feature=oembed&amp;enablejsapi=1" frameborder="0" allow="accelerometer; autoplay; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture" allowfullscreen="allowfullscreen" id="a-3434483376049193531" class="youtube_video" mozallowfullscreen="mozallowfullscreen" webkitallowfullscreen="webkitallowfullscreen" data-original-url="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cIwu86Y72Zo"></iframe></div></div>  </em></p>
Oct 26, 2016
Andy Cohen and Anna Sale: Taboo Topics | November 30, 2016
<p>Join Anna as she sits down with Andy Cohen—the author, executive producer behind Bravo’s <em>Real Housewives</em> franchise and host of <em>Watch What Happens: Live</em>. Catch up with them both on Nov. 30 at San Francisco’s Castro Theatre.  </p> <p><span>Buy your tickets today! <a href="https://www.eventbrite.com/e/andy-cohen-and-anna-sale-taboo-topics-tickets-27343591418?discount=DSM">Use this link to get a special "DSMinSF" 20% off discount</a>. </span></p>
Oct 25, 2016
Ellen Burstyn & Gloria Steinem
35:47
<p>Before the women's movement came around in the 1960s, Gloria Steinem thought her options for the future were limited. "I was being a freelance writer and not having any money to save, and assuming that I would be a bag lady," she tells guest host Ellen Burstyn. "I was supposed to get married and have a man to support me. But that seemed to be a kind of hard bargain."</p> <p>Gloria was raised by a father who traveled across the country selling jewelry and antiques, and a writer mother who suffered from severe depression. They separated when Gloria was 10 years old, and Gloria soon became her mother's primary caregiver. The journalist and feminist icon says the circumstances she grew up in gave her the confidence to step into the world on her own—like when she traveled to India as a young woman, leaving her then-fiancé behind in the States. "I realized in later life that...I felt not so safe at home because I was a small person looking after a big one," Gloria says. "So I felt the world outside the home was safer."</p> <p>Gloria broke off that early engagement—but married entrepreneur David Bale when she was 66. "By that time the women's movement had worked for 30 years to equalize the marriage laws," Gloria says. "So no longer would I lose my name and my credit rating and my legal domicile and all my civil rights, as I would have had I got married when I was supposed to. So I thought, 'Well, you know, why not? I mean I'm not going to lose.'" David died three years after they got married, after being diagnosed with brain lymphoma. Gloria says taking care of him at the end of his life forced her to live fully in the present. "He let me do over what I couldn't really do for my mother," she added. "It gave me a chance to do that over."</p> <p>Gloria is 82 now. And she says she isn't yet very comfortable with the idea of death. "I'm torn because I love it here...I'm very attached," she admits. "I'm still trying to hang in there 'til I'm 100. Because just to meet my deadlines I have to do that."</p> <div class="embedded-image"><img class="mcePuppyImage" src="https://media2.wnyc.org/i/495/660/l/80/1/msMagazine.JPG" alt="" width="495" height="660"> <div class="image-metadata"> <div class="image-caption">Feb. 1975 cover of Ms. Magazine featuring Ellen Burstyn, Eleanor Perry and Shirley MacLaine.</div> <div class="image-credit">(Courtesy of Ellen Burstyn.)</div> </div> </div>
Oct 05, 2016
Diane Gill Morris & Officer Robert Zink
33:38
<p>Diane Gill Morris <a href="http://www.wnyc.org/story/autism-death-sex-money/">first joined us last year</a> to talk about raising her two boys, Kenny and Theo. Both of her children are autistic, and Diane told us about the challenges that have come with their diagnoses and the overwhelming responsibility she feels to protect and nurture them, particularly as they become adults. </p> <p>Diane said she was particularly worried about her older son, Kenny, who was then 16. "I am still trying to figure out how I make sure that he is safe in the world," Diane said, "when I can’t explain to him all the intricacies involved in what it means to be young and black in America."</p> <p>There have been several recent stories about police interactions with autistic people of color—and their caregivers—that have ended violently, in places like <a href="http://www.miamiherald.com/news/local/crime/article94009242.html">Miami</a>, <a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2015/07/08/troy-canales-nypd-lawsuit_n_7752548.html">New York</a>, and <a href="http://www.twincities.com/2015/09/01/autistic-17-year-old-mishandled-by-metro-transit-police-family-says/">St. Paul, Minnesota</a>. Today, as a guest host on Death, Sex &amp; Money, Diane talks with police officer <strong>Robert Zink</strong>, who founded the St. Paul CARE (Cops Autism Response Education) Project and has two autistic boys of his own. "Officers may not read the cues of what the person is presenting," Officer Zink says. "Officers may view them as cues of, is it drug interaction? Is it a mental health issue? And read those cues wrong....And we go down one path and it gets worse and worse." He adds, "I never want to see something like that happen to my sons just because something they did was misinterpreted." </p> <p>Diane also talks with Officer Zink about her worry that officers might make incorrect assumptions about her sons because they're black. "In the media most of the people that we see with autism are white. I don't think a lot of people are aware that there's a really large population of minority children and adults with autism," Diane says. "My fear is always that an officer sees a black man and they will immediately go to the idea of this being a person on drugs versus this being a person with disability." </p> <p>Diane also talks with <strong>Maria Caldwell</strong>, whose son, Marcus Abrams, <a href="http://www.startribune.com/transit-cop-who-took-down-injured-st-paul-teen-is-dismissed/338007011/">was injured during an confrontation with Metro Transit officers</a> in St. Paul last year. Marcus is black and autistic, and was 17 at the time of the incident. Maria talks with Diane about how Officer Zink reached out to her family after Marcus landed in the hospital—and Officer Zink and Maria talk together about working to rebuild trust after it's been lost. "There's no expectation that trust is going to be gained in six weeks, six months, six years, or sixty years," Officer Zink says. "Even though you may not have it back right away, you still have to work to get that trust back." </p>
Sep 28, 2016
Chris Gethard & Tim Dillon
32:55
<p>Comedian Tim Dillon has lived a lot of life in his 31 years. "I was a child actor," he tells guest host Chris Gethard. "I started doing coke at 12. My mother's a schizophrenic. I was a closeted homosexual. I'm politically all over the map, though I lean conservative. I was in the mortgage industry. I idolize hucksters, thieves, cons and cheats. My dream is to be a traveling salesman through America. And if comedy works, that's nice too."</p> <p>Around the time that Tim says he began experimenting with drugs, he also began to notice that his mother was starting to talk about being followed. She was eventually diagnosed with schizophrenia, and had a mental breakdown when Tim was twenty years old. She's been in and out of psychiatric hospitals since then. As an adult, Tim says he feels a growing responsibility to care for his mother, but he's also come to terms with the fact that no amount of money will "fix" her. "That's <span>the amazing thing about mental illness," he says. "If I had a million dollars, and I had a home, and I could move her in and pay all her bills, she wouldn't be better."</span></p> <p>Tim did in fact once own a home, in his early 20s. He started his career selling mortgages<span>—</span>including those of the subprime variety. "I didn't know how bad it was going to get," he says. "I took one myself." He bought a $570,000 house that, as it turned out, he couldn't afford after the subprime mortgage crisis hit and he lost his job. The bank foreclosed on his home, and Tim says his credit is still suffering today.</p> <p>But the economic downturn did push him to make a dramatic career change. Tim started doing stand-up comedy about six years ago. And that same year, he decided to come out to his family. "There was no like, 'We love you,'" Tim says. "There was none of that. They're funny, acerbic people." Tim isn't dating much, though. Right now, he says he's focused on building his career as a comic, doing two to three shows a night. But, he says, he might slow down "if I fell deeply in love with somebody...I'm not saying that that even would slow me down, I'm just saying that could." </p>
Sep 21, 2016
Sonia Manzano & Justice Sonia Sotomayor
37:19
<p>"Through and through I'm a lawyer and a judge," says U.S. Supreme Court Justice Sonia Sotomayor. "But my life experiences do permit me to see things that others may not."</p> <p>Before the Justice became a lawyer and a judge, she was a young woman growing up in the Nuyorican community in the South Bronx—just a few years behind <a href="http://www.wnyc.org/story/sesame-street-maria/">Death, Sex &amp; Money guest host Sonia Manzano</a>, who also grew up there. The two didn't meet until a few years ago, but their childhoods had some similarities: Money was tight, their parents' relationships were troubled, and both of their fathers struggled with alcoholism. But unlike Sonia Manzano's father, who lived well into his 80s, the Justice's father died when she was nine years old. "I’ve often wondered if the outcome of my life would have been the same if my father had remained alive," the Justice says. "I think the absence of that constant battle made a big difference in my self-perceptions."</p> <p>Sonia asks the Justice about facing and overcoming insecurities throughout her life—including on her first day as a Supreme Court Justice. "Anyone presented with a new challenge has to always have that moment of insecurity, of not knowing whether they can do it," the Justice says. "I live with that. I've lived with it my entire life....The first day that I was on the bench was for the now quite famed case, <a href="https://www.oyez.org/cases/2008/08-205">Citizens United</a>. And my knees were knocking even then. But what got me over that moment...was to become totally engaged in what was happening before me, and the knocking finally stopped without my realizing it." </p> <p>Sonia and the Justice also talk about some of the opinions that the Justice has written for the Supreme Court, including those about <a href="https://www.law.cornell.edu/supct/pdf/12-682.pdf">race and prejudice</a>. "I know that for people to hear me, I have to be able to explain it in terms that people can sit in the shoes of the other person," the Justice says. "I suspect that there are many people...who never thought about what the impact is of snickering at a person of a different race when they walked by or of asking someone, 'Where are you really from?' when that kid has been born and raised here." They also talk about the Justice's <a href="https://www.supremecourt.gov/opinions/15pdf/14-1373_83i7.pdf">recent words about police searches</a> and parents of color giving their children "the talk" about interacting with the police. "It is inescapable for any child in this society who is of color of any kind, or who comes from a different background where language becomes noticeable, that they will experience that difference," the Justice says. "And they will have to cope with it. We have not become colorblind yet."</p>
Sep 14, 2016
The Great Guest Takeover
8:56
<p>A few months ago, we mentioned that we were working on a couple of special episodes during Anna's maternity leave. </p> <p>What we didn’t mention was that we were working on these special episodes with some familiar voices. We invited four of our favorite former guests to switch seats...and become the interviewer.</p> <p>Over the next several weeks, you'll hear from longtime Sesame Street actor <strong><a href="http://www.wnyc.org/story/sesame-street-maria">Sonia Manzano</a></strong>, comedian <strong><a href="http://www.wnyc.org/story/cult-comedy-heroes-have-pay-bills-too">Chris Gethard</a></strong>, and actor (and "shouldless day" enthusiast) <strong><a href="http://www.wnyc.org/story/how-ellen-burstyn-learned-survival">Ellen Burstyn</a></strong>. You'll also hear from<strong> <a href="http://www.wnyc.org/story/autism-death-sex-money">Diane Gill Morris</a></strong>, who we met when she shared what raising two sons with autism has been like for her.</p> <p>Each of them talked with someone they were curious about, and wanted to get to know better. You'll hear Sonia Manzano interviewing <strong>U.S. Supreme Court Justice Sonia Sotomayor</strong>—who also hails from the South Bronx. </p> <p>Chris Gethard sits down with up-and-coming comedian <strong>Tim Dillon</strong>, someone who Chris describes as "either the smartest maniac or craziest genius I know in the comedy world." </p> <p>Diane Gill Morris told us last year that she worried about her older son, Kenny, being safe in the world "when I can’t explain to him all the intricacies involved in what it means to be young and black in America." She talks with a woman named <strong>Maria Caldwell</strong>—she's the mother of an autistic teenager of color who had a violent interaction with Metro Transit police in St. Paul, Minn., last year—as well as <strong>Robert Zink</strong>, a St. Paul police officer who has two autistic sons and trains officers how to interact with autistic people. </p> <p>And, to wrap things up, Ellen Burstyn talks with the one and only <strong>Gloria Steinem</strong>. The activist and author talks with Ellen about growing old with her chosen family, the source of her confidence, and how she's learned to deal with her regrets over the years. </p> <p>Look out for all of these episodes in the coming weeks! <a href="https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/death-sex-money/id870688022?mt=2">Subscribe to Death, Sex &amp; Money on iTunes</a> or wherever you get your podcasts to make sure you stay up to date. </p>
Sep 07, 2016
Life Is a Mystery
13:44
<p>There are some interviews that just stay with you. My conversation with Elizabeth Caplice is one of those.</p> <p>I spoke with Elizabeth back in March for our episode about near death experiences called "<a href="http://www.wnyc.org/story/when-i-almost-died">When I Almost Died</a>." A listener had suggested that we reach out to Elizabeth, who lived in Australia and had chronicled her almost two years of colorectal cancer treatment on her blog, <a href="https://skybetweenbranches.wordpress.com/">Sky Between Branches</a>.</p> <p>But hours before we talked, Elizabeth had been told by her doctors that her time was running out. They thought she had between three and 12 months left. She was still processing the news. </p> <p>"I mean, there’s intellectual acceptance," she said. "And then there’s the really solid, 'No, now I know my life is ending.’ This has sort of shifted it into a new gear."</p> <p>Elizabeth wrote her last blog post in June. She let her readers know that she was ceasing her cancer treatment and moving into a hospice facility. On July 12, Elizabeth died, surrounded by loved ones. Her partner, Alex, wrote on her blog that Elizabeth's death was "not a life coming to its end...it was cut short."</p>
Aug 24, 2016
Your Death, Sex & Money Short Stories – Live!
44:13
<p>Last year, we asked listeners to share their favorite short stories about death, sex and money. After receiving more than 140 suggestions (<a href="https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1bIp8onKA6-mpm6tHONuEi92Q3__VYJb8bmXHVo6We9M/edit?mc_cid=9cce758deb&amp;mc_eid=dd0bc694f1&amp;mc_cid=9b43e55d0e&amp;mc_eid=dd0bc694f1#gid=0">you can find them all here</a>), we picked five of our favorites<span>—</span>and partnered with the public radio show <a href="http://www.selectedshorts.org/">Selected Shorts</a> to present them during <a href="http://www.selectedshorts.org/detail/?id=8885">a live show here in New York</a>. Actors Becky Ann Baker (<em>Girls</em>), Sam Underwood (<em>The Following</em>), Kathleen Chalfant (<em>Wit, The Affair</em>) David Costabile (<em>Breaking Bad</em>) and Amir Arison (<em>The Blacklist</em>) joined us on stage to bring these stories to life. </p> <p>Today, we're sharing two of those readings with you. You'll hear actor Sam Underwood performing "Road Trips" by David Sedaris, a story about a youthful hitchhiking experience gone awry. And you'll hear Kathleen Chalfant read "Until the Girl Died," a story by the Irish writer Anne Enright about a wife who is equal parts furious and patient with her philandering husband.</p> <p>Want to hear more episodes of Selected Shorts? <a href="https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/selected-shorts/id253191824?mt=2">Subscribe here</a>. </p>
Aug 17, 2016
Anna Chlumsky Catches the Worm
24:29
<p>At 10 years old, Anna Chlumsky delivered an iconic performance alongside Macaulay Culkin in the classic '90s movie <em>My Girl</em>. She became a child star, but the attention and job offers were fleeting. By the time she was a teenager, she'd stopped getting acting roles. "It just makes you feel like shit as an adolescent," she says. "Most rejections as an adolescent for anybody in any walk of life...make you feel like shit over and over."</p> <p>Even so, Anna couldn’t escape the public memory of her famous role—even in college. At least, until she met Shaun So. "He didn’t care," she says. "By then I could tell who cared and who didn’t. You kind of feel safe with the people who don’t care." The two started dating and stayed together even after Anna graduated and moved to New York City. Then, Shaun told her that he was enlisting in the Army Reserve.</p> <p>As Shaun began training for a deployment to Afghanistan, Anna started a career in publishing. But deep down, she knew that acting still appealed to her. During one particularly rough day at work, a fortune teller stationed in front of her office recognized her on her lunch break. "She says, 'You’re not done...you still want to do this,'" Anna recalled. "So that touched a nerve." She quit her job later that week.</p> <p>Anna and Shaun got married in 2008, and Anna landed her role on <em>Veep</em> in 2012. She gave birth to her first child, a daughter named Penelope, in 2013. For awhile, her job required her to commute back and forth between California and New York, where she and her family live. "I kept calling it 'The Momma Bird Commute' because I was like, 'Alright, I gotta go catch the worm, and then I will come back,'" she told me. "But I gotta catch the worm." She'll soon be juggling her work with two kids—when we talked, Anna was pregnant with her second child, after having a miscarriage. "People don’t talk about that enough," she told me. "It’s not even that we’re hiding it. It’s just that it’s so f-ing uncomfortable to talk about, 'cause you just aren't happy about it. But you do learn that this is kind of not up to you....There’s other stuff at work."</p> <p><span><a href="https://web.archive.org/web/20040202011638/http://www.gourmetfare.com/cup.htm" target="_blank">Read Anna’s ode to Ovaltine for Gourmet Fare magazine from 2003</a>. </span></p>
Aug 10, 2016
Dating Was So Hard, Until It Wasn't
22:14
<p>"When I want it badly enough, I can...really steel myself and just be like, 'Don't freak out, just stay still, kiss them. Just do it!'" </p> <p>This is how Katie Heaney talked about her dating life when we first spoke back in 2014. She'd just published her confessional first book, <em>Never Have I Ever: My Life (So Far) Without a Date—</em>a chronicling of her lifelong singledom until age 25. And she'd recently moved to New York City from Minnesota to take a job at BuzzFeed as an editor. When we talked, the 27-year-old was also a virgin—something that made her really uncomfortable. "I really don't like it," she told me. "And I also hate that I don’t like it. Because that feels like conceding that it bothers me and that I am susceptible to the opinions of others." </p> <p>Listening back to herself two years later, Katie winced. "I hear myself talk about all the fear and the dread and 'making myself,' and I'm just like, 'Ugh, you don't have to feel that way,'" she told me. Now 29, Katie says she's adjusted to life in New York—and along with that adjustment, has also come to terms with the fact that she's gay. "I remember being on the subway and looking around at all the guys. And being like, 'I don't want to date any of you. Like, I just don't - I don't want this,'" she said. "And...the attraction like fell out of my body." Soon after, Katie started dating a woman, and says that while she was nervous on their first date, she wasn't "uncomfortable to [her] core" in a way that she had been in the past on dates with men.</p> <p>Despite her newfound comfort in her sexuality, Katie says she's still learning how to be in a relationship. "I have to learn how to not catastrophize every disagreement or every feeling that comes to me that isn't a 100 percent joyous one," she told me. "I thought that I had struggled so long to find [a relationship] that once I did, it would just be perfect or easy. And, you know, I was naive about what it really means to spend that much time with someone." </p>
Jul 27, 2016
Siblinghood, One Year Later
<p>Last year, we asked you to tell us about your sibling relationships, and how they've evolved as you and your brothers and sisters have grown up. What we heard was that these relationships can be some of the most frustrating<span>—</span>and the most rewarding<span>—</span>ones in your lives. (Often at the same time.)</p> <p>In <a href="http://www.wnyc.org/story/siblinghood-death-sex-money/">our episode featuring your stories</a>, people across the country gave us a glimpse into their complicated sibling relationships, which are still very much evolving to this day. We recently reached out to some of the people we featured in that episode—read on to find out what’s happened in their lives and in their sibling relationships in the past year.</p> <hr> <p> </p> <p>Last year,<strong> Alix Sugarman</strong> told us about her twin sister, Katie. Growing up, their lives looked very different. Katie had cerebral palsy; Alix did not. Alix said that their relationship had gotten increasingly tense as they got older. "Every time I reach another milestone in my adult life it feels like something that she can’t ever get to," she told us. We also spoke with Katie via Skype, who said, "It's still hard to look at what my life could have been like if I could walk."</p> <p>A few weeks after our episode came out, Katie died unexpectedly. In the months since her death, Alix and her family have grieved<span>—</span>and have also had reasons to come together and celebrate. Alix got engaged in November, and got married last month. "If you want to know what it’s like to have the worst day of your life and the best day of your like separated by about 11 months, that’s pretty much what this year has been like for me," she told us in this recorded update. </p> <p><div class="inline_audioplayer_wrapper"><div id="audioplayer_idm139767674412336ecb1503a-3bfb-4a2e-af3a-f1ea79020d2d" class="player_element" data-url="http://www.podtrac.com/pts/redirect.mp3/audio.wnyc.org/productions/productions072016_alixupdate.mp3" data-width="400" data-title="" data-brand="" data-thumbnail="" data-download="false" data-may-embed="true"></div></div></p> <hr> <p>Like Alix, <strong>Hannah</strong> also got married since our episode came out. Her younger brother, Jake, was being treated for Stage 4 melanoma when we last talked—he was able to be at her wedding in October. This winter, Hannah told us that Jake had surgery to remove a large tumor in his intestines, and that he was about to start a new treatment at the University of Arizona's medical center. "We are back in treatment/prognosis limbo," she said. But this spring, we heard from Hannah that her brother had passed away. "Even at the very end, when it was certain that he could not pull through, he wanted to know the odds that he would survive," Hannah told us. "Through and through, Jake truly believed he was going to beat his illness." </p> <div class="embedded-image"><img class="mcePuppyImage" src="https://media2.wnyc.org/i/800/533/l/80/1/jakeHannah.jpg" alt=""> <div class="image-metadata"> <div class="image-caption">Hannah and her brother, Jake, at her wedding last October.</div> <div class="image-credit">(Terri Attridge)</div> </div> </div> <hr> <p><strong>Paul*</strong> told us about his older sister, who he was close with as a kid but whose mental illness had driven them apart as adults. Last summer, Paul's sister had been out of touch with his family for more than a year. They believed that she was homeless in Los Angeles, but didn't know for sure that she was alive. "Shortly after Christmas she e-mailed my parents saying she wanted to visit for a week," Paul wrote to us recently. His sister, who confirmed that she is homeless in LA, came home for a visit and stayed for more than a week. "It's tough to reconnect with someone you haven't seen in over two years—especially when your lives are so incredibly different," Paul told us. "I will say the most positive thing that has come from my sister's visit is the conversations that I am now having with my parents. With my parents both retired, it has sparked conversation and action regarding end-of-life plans—which look COMPLETELY different when mental illness is involved. Surprisingly, it has been very positive and reassuring for us to have these conversations."</p> <hr> <p><strong>Jessica</strong> and <strong>Betsy Herczeg-Konecny</strong>, two sisters in their 30s who live across the country from each other, told us about getting closer in adulthood and about their dreams of living together in their old age. "On the Golden Girls-Grey Gardens spectrum," Jessica said, "We're hoping for Dorothy and Rose, of course." They let us listen in on one of their recent daily phone calls, the day after Jessica moved into her new house. </p> <p><div class="inline_audioplayer_wrapper"><div id="audioplayer_idm139767639580848137c282b-2438-4ffc-b961-6fd9c2be63b9" class="player_element" data-url="http://www.podtrac.com/pts/redirect.mp3/audio.wnyc.org/productions/productions072016_betsyjessica_update.mp3" data-width="400" data-title="" data-brand="" data-thumbnail="" data-download="false" data-may-embed="true"></div></div></p> <div class="embedded-image"><img class="mcePuppyImage" src="https://media2.wnyc.org/i/800/410/l/80/1/sisterscollage.jpg" alt=""> <div class="image-metadata"> <div class="image-caption">Left: Jessica Herczeg-Konecny standing in front of her new house on closing day. Right: Betsy and Jessica Herczeg-Konecny after getting matching tattoos.</div> <div class="image-credit">(Jessica Herczeg-Konecny)</div> </div> </div> <hr> <p>After we first talked with <strong>Mike</strong> last year, he and his estranged older brother reconnected over the phone and had one of their "best [conversations] in years." The two were close as kids and were drinking buddies well into adulthood. But when Mike decided to get sober at 50, their relationship fell apart. When we recently reached out to Mike, he told us that after that initial conversation last summer, he and his brother hadn't talked much. And then, three weeks ago, his brother had a heart attack and died. "I feel a lot of remorse that we didn't get to talk and discuss [our relationship]," Mike wrote to us. "I don't feel sadness so much as numb. Unable to process even though I'm doing all that I can to do just that. I know mourning will rear its head when I least expect it. Or will it? Am I 'supposed' to miss him because he was my brother and we used to be friends? Am I a cold sonavabitch because I haven't really cried over him?"</p> <hr> <p><strong>Consuello</strong> told us last year that she was deciding whether to let her younger brother, Maurice, move in with her. After being in jail, he was homeless and looking for a place to stay. Consuello sent us a voice memo about what's happened with Maurice since. "He doesn't have a job, and he still doesn't own a key to anything," she told us. "And I've just come to the decision that my brother has created a formula that works for him." </p> <p><div class="inline_audioplayer_wrapper"><div id="audioplayer_idm13976763395766411c96da8-32f0-42cb-9df5-c55708f3d42f" class="player_element" data-url="http://www.podtrac.com/pts/redirect.mp3/audio.wnyc.org/productions/productions072016_consuello_update.mp3" data-width="400" data-title="" data-brand="" data-thumbnail="" data-download="false" data-may-embed="true"></div></div></p> <hr> <p>We also checked in with <strong>Megan*</strong>, who told us about the childhood physical and sexual abuse she endured at the hands of her older brother. "I had a recurrence of major depression this winter and went back into therapy, which has been great," she told us in an email. "As a former therapist said to me, the incessant cruelty of my brother's speech was like an IV drip of poison to my psyche. This is true, but I now believe, actually I know, that people are able to transcend whatever crappy childhood cards they were dealt. And although I was damaged by my brother's cruelty, I see now that the greatest damage he has inflicted has been upon himself, and I wish that weren't so." </p> <p> </p> <p>*Names changed for privacy reasons </p>
Jul 20, 2016
We're Not Going To Have Karl Again
24:51
<p>Karl Ives Scorah Towndrow was born last spring to parents Amber Scorah and Lee Towndrow. Neither of them were prepared for how deeply they would fall in love with their first child. "I remember having this feeling where I wanted to almost...absorb him into my body," Lee remembered. "As Karl got a little bit older," Amber told me, "There were these moments where sometimes he would catch my eye and stare at me...so long and with so much love in his eyes, that I’d almost start to blush."</p> <p>Amber and Lee's time with Karl was intense, but brief. Karl died when he was almost four months old, while he was at his first day of daycare. He stopped breathing after being put down for a nap. Weeks after Karl's passing, the medical examiner's office said the cause of Karl's death was undetermined. Because it was unlicensed, the daycare was shut down the day after Karl died.</p> <p>When we talked in February, Amber said she couldn't stop thinking about why her son died, and whether it was somehow her fault. "You feel like there's this direct correlation between you leaving them and them dying," she told me. "As a human being, you need an answer for death. Even if you can't understand death, you need to understand why a death occurred." And as Amber struggled through the first few days and weeks after Karl's death, Lee says he felt like he had to postpone his own grieving process. "I felt a lot of pressure to reassure everybody that it’s going to be okay," he told me. "It was really hard."</p> <p>Lee says he was eventually able to grieve, almost six months after Karl died. And while Amber says that she and Lee have mourned Karl's loss differently, they did agree that they both wanted to have another child. At the time of our interview, Amber was six months pregnant—this time, with a girl. "What I have heard from women who have been through this and then went on to have other children, they all said that it never ever fills the hole that you have from losing the one that you did lose," she told me. "But a little bit of the sadness is taken away." </p> <p>Since Karl's death, Amber and Lee have become advocates for paid parental leave. You can find out more at their website, <a href="http://forkarl.com/">forkarl.com</a>. </p>
Jul 13, 2016
Tituss Burgess Airs His Laundry
23:39
<p>Tituss Burgess says there isn't much that he won't talk about. "I'm comfortable airing my laundry," he says. "I don't think one thing's dirty or clean. It's just what I wear."</p> <p>It's taken him years to get to that place. Raised by his mom in Georgia, the actor and singer says he knew that he was gay from a very young age. But it wasn't until his freshman year in college that he mustered the courage to come out to her. "She handled it very well," he said. But as his career has taken off, first on Broadway and more recently as Titus Andromedon on "The Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt,"  Tituss has become an increasingly vocal LGBT activist—something he says his mom struggles with. "She feels uncomfortable with it," he said. "It means that there's a chance that she might have to come out and be vocal about a position."</p> <p>Despite not always seeing eye to eye, Tituss says he and his mom are still very close. But he acknowledges that he's had to be strategic about their relationship. "Because of what is growing increasingly important to me, almost becoming a part of my DNA, I've had to assist us both in redefining what our relationship is," he said. "Taking greater, more strategic steps towards protecting us. For fear that the very different thinking will dismantle what's left." </p> <p>Tituss moved to New York more than a decade ago. Now, at 37, says the city feels like where he belongs. But he's not sure that the close-knit feeling of family that he felt as a kid, surrounded by his mother and grandparents, is one that he'll find again. "I feel most at home when I'm alone," he told me. "That's not sad. It's just I feel closest to source and connection when I'm by myself." </p> <p>Watch Tituss performing his song "Comfortable" here:   </p> <p> <div class="user-embedded-video"><div id="videoplayer_idm139767648886960d3121776-6d47-4478-abe6-cc4e86cfe9af"><iframe width="620" height="349" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/hBzjGhO_SY8?wmode=transparent&amp;autohide=1&amp;rel=0&amp;showinfo=0&amp;feature=oembed&amp;enablejsapi=1" frameborder="0" allow="accelerometer; autoplay; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture" allowfullscreen="allowfullscreen" id="a-148591518301081269" class="youtube_video" mozallowfullscreen="mozallowfullscreen" webkitallowfullscreen="webkitallowfullscreen" data-original-url="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hBzjGhO_SY8"></iframe></div></div></p>
Jun 29, 2016
Inside Planned Parenthood
28:13
<p>The first thing that greets you when you step off the elevator at the Planned Parenthood in Brooklyn is a metal detector. "I didn’t necessarily expect it," a first-time patient told me. "But as soon as I saw it I was like, 'Oh yeah, that’s right, that makes sense.'" </p> <p>Many Planned Parenthood clinics across the country rely on security measures like these. The services provided by these clinics<span>—</span>specifically, abortions<span>—</span>have long been at the center of a raging political debate in the U.S. But it's not very often that we hear from the people who rely on these clinics for health care. </p> <p>Over a number of days this past winter and spring, we collected interviews at the Planned Parenthood clinic in downtown Brooklyn. Patients volunteered to talk with us while they were waiting for their appointments. They were there for STD tests, pap smears, birth control prescriptions<span>—</span>no one seeking an abortion talked with me on the days we were there. But for many of the people I met, abortion was an important part of their history with Planned Parenthood. </p> <p>"Here it was just very reassuring," a patient named Sarah, who was at the clinic for her annual exam, told me about her abortion three years ago at Planned Parenthood. "No one wants to do it, but life, you know, happens."</p> <p>We also talked with some of the abortion protesters who stand outside the clinic every Saturday, rain or shine. And I interviewed several staff members and volunteers at Planned Parenthood<span>—</span>like Rhea, who greets patients as they walk in the door downstairs. "If you’re wondering if this is the right choice and you’re there and you’ve made the appointment and you’ve been thinking and you’re like, crossing the line...somebody being a jerk to you could totally just melt you down," she told me. "Or, somebody with a smile and somebody who holds your hand, could just make you feel calm and make you feel good. At a time where maybe you don’t feel good." </p>
Jun 22, 2016
Danielle Brooks Is Ready to Talk About Sex
25:43
<p>Danielle Brooks started out her life in a very religious household. Her mother and father are a minister and a deacon, respectively, and she grew up singing in her church choir and participating in oratorical contests run by her congregation. And the church also shaped her early thoughts about sex. "I had this Bible study teacher, who scared the bejesus out of us about having sex," Danielle tells me. "She was like, 'Anyone that enters you, they become a part of you!' And I was like, 'I’m just not ready for this.'"</p> <p>Now 26, Danielle is known for portraying women on-screen who have no problem talking openly about their sexuality<span>—</span>like her <em>Orange Is the New Black</em> character, Taystee, or her character Sofia in The Color Purple on Broadway. And these roles have made an impact on Danielle, who says she just recently started talking publicly about sex<span>—</span>including losing her virginity during college. "I just remember like being there and the light’s dim or whatever, and saying to him, 'Just be gentle,'" she laughs. "And then, once we got into it, you would have thought I’d had sex for years the way I was talking!" </p> <p>Danielle's quick rise to fame has affected her relationships. "My<em> </em>last relationship felt so like me being used in a lot of ways," she says. "They just wanted to be a part of that fame." But, she says, her current partner is teaching her new things about love and intimacy. "I’m realizing it’s okay to allow yourself love, even when you're scared of it," she says. "And that sex can be more than just physical, or love can definitely be more than physical." </p> <p><em>Below: Watch video from Danielle's days singing in the church choir. </em></p> <p><div class="user-embedded-video"><div id="videoplayer_idm140505834807472d5edd3e2-529e-4ffa-abcd-2d13b7068d0f"><iframe width="620" height="349" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/YFx-QD_WO9A?wmode=transparent&amp;autohide=1&amp;rel=0&amp;showinfo=0&amp;feature=oembed&amp;enablejsapi=1" frameborder="0" allow="accelerometer; autoplay; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture" allowfullscreen="allowfullscreen" id="a-2579817823918267764" class="youtube_video" mozallowfullscreen="mozallowfullscreen" webkitallowfullscreen="webkitallowfullscreen" data-original-url="https://youtu.be/YFx-QD_WO9A"></iframe></div></div>  </p>
Jun 08, 2016
An Update from Susanne
7:47
<p>We met Susanne* and Mike* earlier this year, <a href="http://www.wnyc.org/story/heroin-death-sex-money">when they shared how they overcame heroin addiction together</a>.</p> <p>They started dating when they were teenagers, and began doing heroin together only a few weeks into their relationship. What followed were years of overdoses, jail time and three unplanned pregnancies. But after several false starts, Mike and Susanne were able to wean themselves off of heroin with methadone. They got clean, they moved away from their home state of Texas, and Mike found well-paying work. But true stability still eluded the couple. </p> <p>After our interview, we learned that Mike had been charged with sexual abuse of a minor. When I asked about the allegations, Mike denied them. But last month, Mike entered a guilty plea. He now faces jail time. </p> <p>I called Susanne to talk about what's happened in her life since we last talked. "I feel like I wasn't abused, but I should have known that I was married to someone who had the ability to abuse somebody," Susanne tells me. "I should have left a long time ago."</p> <p>*Names changed</p> <p>--</p> <p><em>If you or someone you know is struggling with heroin addiction, you can call the <a href="http://www.samhsa.gov/find-help/national-helpline" target="_blank">National Helpline</a> at 1-800-662-HELP for confidential, free information about substance abuse.</em></p> <p><em>If you need support, assistance or information about sexual abuse, call the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 1-800-656-HOPE.</em></p>
Jun 01, 2016
How Jeff Daniels Got Sober, Again
24:45
<p>Jeff Daniels dropped out of college and moved to New York City to become an actor. He left his family behind in Chelsea, Michigan, where his dad ran the local lumber yard. But a few years after moving to the city, Jeff says he got a letter from a young woman from his hometown. She moved to New York, they married, and had their first child. And then, they decided together to raise him back home in Michigan.</p> <p>"'I will sustain the career from the Midwest for as long as I can,'" Jeff told me. "That became the business plan for us. And it worked for quite a while." But the plan started to falter after a few years, which sometimes meant watching others succeed from the sidelines. "There was a time when I couldn't even watch the Oscars. I had to leave the room," he told me. With a family and a house "in the middle of nowhere," Jeff resorted to less than ideal jobs just to pay the bills. He says movies like <em>Dumb and Dumber</em>—commercially successful but critically lowbrow—took him out of the running for serious roles for a long time.</p> <p>By then, Jeff and his wife were raising three kids, which led him to another big decision: getting a vasectomy. "I had watched her go through childbirth three times," he remembers, "I said, 'There is no way I am going to force you or ask you to do anything...I’m the one. I've gotta be the one who gets fixed.'" As his kids got older, Jeff started to reemerge on stage and in the spotlight. When his acting career regained traction in the 2000s, the rush of success pushed him off the edge and broke 14 years of sobriety. "Just to take some of the stress away," he says of the moment when he talked himself into a beer, "Just to relax." It didn't take long for him to banish that inner voice that gave him permission. After getting professional help, he quit drinking again after a few months.</p> <p>Jeff is 61 now, and he's received some of the recognition he desired when he was younger. He won an Emmy for his leading role in <em>The Newsroom</em> and received a Tony nomination this year for his portrayal of a sexual abuser in <em>Blackbird</em> on Broadway. Still, he resists the urge to retire and look back on his career. "I always have to have something in the air," he says, "to feel alive."</p>
May 25, 2016
From Conversion Therapy to a Rainbow Yarmulke
24:23
<p>When Chaim Levin first met Benjy Unger almost 10 years ago, Chaim immediately wanted to be friends. "He was like one of those bros from high school that was just so regular and nobody would guess that he’s gay," Chaim tells me.</p> <p>Chaim and Benjy grew up in Orthodox Jewish communities in Brooklyn, but they didn't meet until they signed up for a therapy program then called JONAH, or Jews Offering New Alternatives to Homosexuality. Chaim was 18, and Benjy was 20. Both were attracted to men, and they sought out the program hoping to become straight.</p> <p>"It was like I struck gold," Benjy remembers. "I finally found my messiah. For that moment I was very happy and inspired." The program offered Benjy and Chaim a way to follow the path laid out for them by their religious community—including marrying women and starting their own families. Initially, it felt like a huge relief. "For people like me who were rejected for so long," Chaim says, "I just needed that connection with people."</p> <p>But both soon grew frustrated and quit the program. Chaim came out first, with gusto. "When Chaim does something, boy, does he do it!" Benjy says. "Rainbows here and rainbow glitter there and rainbow yarmulke and rainbow bracelets and rainbow necklace. But he at least seemed happy."  </p> <p>Watching Chaim become an activist gave Benjy courage, he remembers. "If it weren’t for people like Chaim, I might be still in the closet." </p> <p>Benjy and Chaim realized that being free of JONAH wasn't enough. They filed a lawsuit in 2012, along with two other clients. Together they claimed that the program defrauded them and their parents. They won, and JONAH was forced to shut down in 2015. "I would not have survived this lawsuit without this schmuck right here," Chaim says of Benjy, who has become a very close friend. "I tell people that the only good thing I ever got out of JONAH was this guy." </p> <p><a href="http://www.newsweek.com/life-and-death-jewish-exgay-therapy-organization-406898">Read more about Chaim, Benjy and their lawsuit against JONAH at Newsweek</a> by reporter Zoë Schlanger.</p> <p>Watch Newsweek's video about Benjy and Chaim's story.</p> <p><iframe frameborder="0" height="360" src="https://player.vimeo.com/video/151956950" width="640"></iframe></p>
May 11, 2016
Diane Guerrero on Debt and Deportation
27:57
<p>Diane Guerrero was just 14 years old when she came home to an empty apartment. Her parents had been taken by Immigration and Customs Enforcement, and would soon be deported to their native Colombia. "My family unit essentially died that day," she says. </p> <p>Now 29, Diane has recurring roles two successful television shows. She plays inmate Maritza Ramos on <em>Orange is the New Black</em> and smart aleck Lina on <em>Jane the Virgin</em>. But this success is new to Diane. Most of her teens and twenties were spent working any job she could get her hands on, dodging loan collectors, and keeping her family drama a secret. "You would never know that I was going through such sadness," she says, "I made sure that nobody would find me out."</p> <p>Keeping everything bottled up only worked for so long. In her junior year of college, she started to drink heavily and cut herself. "I used that as a coping mechanism," Diane reflects, "or a way to self-sabotage myself." As her life and relationships started to fall apart around her, Diane finally found a positive outlet in acting classes. And seeing a therapist didn't hurt. </p> <p>Diane's own life is stable now, but her family is still in a precarious place. Her parents are still unable to enter the U.S., even as visitors. And they separated shortly after they were deported. Dealing with their split has been an ongoing element of Diane's emotional recovery. "It definitely affected my relationships and how I dealt with people," she acknowledges, "and what I considered to be love or forever." </p>
Apr 27, 2016
When I Almost Died
33:45
<p>A few months ago, I asked you to share your near-death experiences. In all, we received more than 100 stories from you: through your emails, voice memos and—for the first time—<a href="https://medium.com/death-sex-money/share-your-story-whenialmostdied-34fea365e859?utm_source=Newsletter%3A+Death%2C+Sex+%26+Money&amp;utm_campaign=ab21844c68-Death_Sex_Money_Jan_20_2016&amp;utm_medium=email&amp;utm_term=0_566f296761-ab21844c68-&amp;mc_cid=ab21844c68&amp;mc_eid=%5BUNIQID%5D#.wvz4qhba6">our Medium page</a>, where you can read the submissions.</p> <p>You told us about car accidents...plane crashes...illness...suicide. And, you told us what happened after...when you didn't die. Ellen's near-death experience ended her marriage. Kelsey's forced her into sobriety. And Paul's left him feeling impatient: "Every moment has to matter, but then it doesn’t."</p> <p>We also heard from some of you about near-death experiences that weren't your own, but that deeply affected you just the same. Rachel* had only been in a relationship with her boyfriend for six months when he was diagnosed with lymphoma and hospitalized. She was terrified that he was going to die. But she was also terrified to admit that she wasn't happy in the relationship. "He didn’t miss me, the way I missed our closeness, because he was so preoccupied with the disease taking over him," she told me. "That really, really hurt me."</p> <p>And many of you told us that coming close to death changed the way that you think about dying. "It’s not as horrific as I thought it would be," said Elizabeth Caplice, who describes her life these days as "one big near-death adventure." A listener sent us a link to her blog, <a href="https://skybetweenbranches.wordpress.com/">Sky Between Branches</a>, where she writes about her life with stage 4 colorectal cancer. When I talked with her, she'd just been given an estimate of three months to live. "<span>It obviously is a really terrible and rancid thing to happen to anyone," she told me. "But in a lot of ways it’s simultaneously been worse and not as bad as I thought it would be. </span>It is a natural process. It’s a very human thing to have happen to you, is to die." </p>
Apr 20, 2016
Dead People Don't Have Any Secrets
29:16
<p>When Amanda* met Sam* in her mid-20s, she thought he was the most interesting person she had ever met. "It was almost like he had tried to live his life a different way," she told me. "I was just enchanted by that." </p> <p>Three years into their marriage, the couple found out that they were unexpectedly pregnant...with twins. Amanda says she took on the lion's share of the work at home while also juggling a full-time job that was paying most of their bills. "<span>I was angry with him for not knowing how to help me," Amanda remembered. W</span>hen Sam was diagnosed with non-Hodgkin's lymphoma while the kids were still toddlers, she says that neither one of them gave it the full attention it deserved. </p> <p>"It certainly didn't change the things it should've changed," Amanda said. "Starting with a will would have been nice."</p> <p>Sam didn't exhibit many physical symptoms at first, but mentally, he started to turn inward after his diagnosis. "He went to this place of living his life in secret," Amanda said. "And not sharing anything about how it was feeling or what he was doing with me." Then, the cancer spread to his spinal column and brain. He was admitted to the hospital and quickly lost consciousness. That's when Amanda discovered, among other secrets, that her husband had been having an affair. She planned to confront Sam when he woke up, but he never did.</p> <p>Amanda was left with a lot of anger<span>—</span>and, as it turned out, money problems<span>—</span>to process. But she had to keep most of it to herself. "My husband was really very well-liked," she explained. "You've got to be this plate for everybody else's feelings about your dead husband." With two young kids and everyone else's mourning to deal with, she says it took years to get around to her own emotions.</p> <p>Eventually, Amanda remarried. But only after figuring out what she <em>really</em> wanted out of a marriage<span>—</span>and her life. Her current husband, Frank*, is completely different from her first husband. She says he only has one deal breaker -- infidelity. But she's surprised to find that the rule isn't as comforting as she once expected. </p> <p>*Names changed </p>
Apr 06, 2016
Rosie, Sixto, Hari, Uma, Mahershala, Amatus, Lisa & Dan
74:47
<p>For <strong>Rosie Perez</strong>, it's her cousin, <strong>Sixto Ramos</strong>. For <strong>Mahershala Ali</strong>, it's his wife, <strong>Amatus</strong>. And for <strong>Hari Kondabolu</strong>, it's been his mom, <strong>Uma Kondabolu</strong>. </p> <p>Our recent live show in Brooklyn was all about times of big change in life and the family who keeps us grounded during those periods of transition. I've been thinking about this a lot as I prepare to move across the country and become a parent for the first time. </p> <div class="embedded-image"><img class="mcePuppyImage" src="https://media2.wnyc.org/i/800/532/l/80/1/rosie2.jpg" alt=""> <div class="image-metadata"> <div class="image-credit">(Julieta Cervantes)</div> </div> </div> <p><strong><div class="inline_audioplayer_wrapper"><h3>Rosie Perez and Sixto Ramos, Live at BAM</h3><div id="audioplayer_idm13976763868680067497079-b6d7-4f82-9cef-04ca58f6f785" class="player_element" data-url="http://www.podtrac.com/pts/redirect.mp3/audio.wnyc.org/deathsexmoney/deathsexmoney032416_rosiesixto.mp3" data-width="400" data-title="" data-brand="" data-thumbnail="" data-download="false" data-may-embed="true"></div></div></strong><strong>Rosie Perez</strong> didn't connect with her cousin, <strong>Sixto Ramos</strong>, until her 20s, when she almost got set up on a blind date with him after they acted together in <em>Do the Right Thing</em>. "I almost went on a date with my cousin!" Rosie laughed. "That's so sick!" Despite their awkward start, she and Sixto became close friends, bonding over their shared love of boxing. And they've stood by each other through times of loss, like when Rosie's mother passed away from AIDS in 1999. "He would call every day," Rosie said. "He would come over every day." </p> <div class="embedded-image"><img class="mcePuppyImage" src="https://media2.wnyc.org/i/800/533/l/80/1/20160312_DeathSexMoney_0154.jpg" alt=""> <div class="image-metadata"> <div class="image-credit">(Julieta Cervantes)</div> </div> </div> <p><div class="inline_audioplayer_wrapper"><h3>Mahershala Ali and Amatus, Live at BAM</h3><div id="audioplayer_idm139767654830640b583dd01-bb49-4251-8c21-f87d746bf6ab" class="player_element" data-url="http://www.podtrac.com/pts/redirect.mp3/audio.wnyc.org/deathsexmoney/deathsexmoney032416_mahershalaamatus.mp3" data-width="400" data-title="" data-brand="" data-thumbnail="" data-download="false" data-may-embed="true"></div></div>Actor <strong>Mahershala Ali</strong> and his wife, the musician <strong>Amatus</strong>, first dated when they were students together at NYU. But when they reconnected years later, after Amatus's brother was killed in a Chicago shooting, their relationship quickly became much more serious. "When you go through a tragedy that tears your crap up, you then...decide you're not gonna take anything for granted," Amatus said. "I was a thousand percent sure about what I truly wanted in my life." Now, as Mahershala's Hollywood presence continues to grow through his roles in <em>House of Cards</em>, <em>The Hunger Games</em>, and the upcoming Luke Cage series, they're figuring out together how to balance fame with their Muslim faith. </p> <div class="embedded-image"><img class="mcePuppyImage" src="https://media2.wnyc.org/i/800/532/l/80/1/hari2.jpg" alt=""> <div class="image-metadata"> <div class="image-credit">(Julieta Cervantes)</div> </div> </div> <p><div class="inline_audioplayer_wrapper"><h3>Hari Kondabolu and Uma Kondabolu, Live at BAM</h3><div id="audioplayer_idm139767661412336ac745f4d-f35f-44d8-8b87-e302fa6ad31a" class="player_element" data-url="http://www.podtrac.com/pts/redirect.mp3/audio.wnyc.org/deathsexmoney/deathsexmoney032416_hariuma.mp3" data-width="400" data-title="" data-brand="" data-thumbnail="" data-download="false" data-may-embed="true"></div></div>We also got to know comedian <strong>Hari Kondabolu</strong>'s mother, <strong>Uma Kondabolu</strong>, who immigrated to the U.S. from India as a young woman. When Hari was born, she was still getting acclimated to her new home in Queens, and to the occasional racism that was directed her way. "I saw moments where people were trying to push my parents around, treat them poorly, and they wouldn't take it," Hari told me. Now that both Hari and his mother are older, he says he feels protective of his parents and sometimes guilty for choosing a career that doesn't bring in the big bucks. Although Uma acknowledged, "Occasional guilt is good," she added, "I tell them [Hari and his brother, Ashok] they don't need to feel that. I'm very proud of what they chose to do." And you'll hear: comedy runs in the family. Uma is one of the show's all-time funniest guests. </p> <div class="embedded-image"><img class="mcePuppyImage" src="https://media2.wnyc.org/i/800/533/l/80/1/20160312_DeathSexMoney_0303.jpg" alt=""> <div class="image-metadata"> <div class="image-credit">(Julieta Cervantes)</div> </div> </div> <p>During the show, sex columnist <strong>Dan Savage</strong> also gave me a call to impart some parenting advice, we got to see some of your <a href="https://youtu.be/IvoMPQtDjPs">incredible dance moves</a>, and I told a story about Sly and the Family Stone and pregnancy anxiety. It was all backed by the incredible music of singer <strong>Lisa Fischer</strong> and her band, <strong>Grand Baton</strong>. Hear their live performance of Eric Bibb's "Don't Ever Let Nobody Drag Your Spirit Down" and Led Zeppelin's "Rock and Roll" below. </p> <p><div class="inline_audioplayer_wrapper"><h3>Lisa Fischer, Live at BAM</h3><div id="audioplayer_idm139767657025920ca3d89ba-2432-4f3e-8c29-aac9bee5533e" class="player_element" data-url="http://www.podtrac.com/pts/redirect.mp3/audio.wnyc.org/deathsexmoney/deathsexmoney032316_lisafischer.mp3" data-width="400" data-title="" data-brand="" data-thumbnail="" data-download="false" data-may-embed="true"></div></div>  </p> <hr> <p>Looking for our Anthems of Change Dance Video? Find it <a href="https://youtu.be/IvoMPQtDjPs">here</a>.</p> <p>We want to get to know you better! Take <a href="https://www.research.net/r/wnyclistener">our survey</a>. </p>
Mar 23, 2016
After My Brother Avonte Disappeared
23:48
<p><span>Danny Oquendo was in the spotlight long before his 14-year-old autistic brother, Avonte, disappeared from his New York City school. Growing up, Danny was a football star — “sort of a golden child,” he sheepishly told me — eventually playing for the University of Maryland. But several years after leaving his NFL dreams behind, Danny was thrust back into the public eye again — this time, as one of the people leading the search for his missing brother. </span></p> <p><span>Many New Yorkers remember Avonte’s story. His face was plastered across the city in the fall of 2013 after he ran out of a side door at his special needs school. The family was used to the nonverbal teen bolting on occasion, often calling him "a runner." "But it was never...for more than 10 or 20 minutes," Danny says. "Once we heard that he was gone for a few hours, we knew something was different."</span></p> <p><span>Danny, who is 12 years older than Avonte, put his job on hold and returned to New York from Florida — along with their father, who had separated from Avonte’s mother years before. With help from police, the family launched a massive citywide search and set up camp at Avonte’s school. They slept on benches and in cars so as to not risk missing Avonte if he returned. </span></p> <p><span>But Avonte didn’t come back. When his remains were found on the shoreline of the East River almost three months after his disappearance, Danny decided he needed to stay close to family. He moved back to New York permanently and moved in with his girlfriend, Ileana. They had their first child in 2014, and are expecting another baby this spring. And, Danny enrolled in law school — a longtime dream. He plans on pursuing a career as an advocate for special needs families and kids like Avonte. "Every day I walk into school, I'm reminded of the reason I'm walking into the school," Danny says. "He's who motivates me."</span></p> <div class="embedded-image"><img class="mcePuppyImage" src="https://media2.wnyc.org/i/402/604/l/80/1/dannyProm.jpg" alt=""> <div class="image-metadata"> <div class="image-caption">Ileana and Danny Oquendo at prom.</div> <div class="image-credit">(Courtesy Danny Oquendo)</div> </div> </div> <p><span> </span></p>
Mar 16, 2016
Death, Sex & Money DANCE BREAK! at the Brooklyn Museum | April 2, 2016
<p>A few weeks ago, we asked you to send in the <a href="http://www.wnyc.org/story/dance-break-death-sex-money/">songs that you count on during big moments of change in your lives</a>. <span>More than 600 songs later, you’ve built</span> an amazing soundtrack—your <a href="https://open.spotify.com/user/deathsexmoney/playlist/6Dl4rGI9baK0rrwq9i36WB">Anthems of Change</a>.</p> <p>We were so impressed with your suggestions that we want to celebrate your anthems with a dance party. Bust out your best dancing shoes because you’re all invited to join us on <a href="https://www.brooklynmuseum.org/visit/first_saturdays">Saturday, April 2nd at the Brooklyn Museum at 9 p.m.</a> for a DANCE BREAK!</p> <p>The party is free and is hosted by First Saturday at the Brooklyn Museum. You can find more information on the <a href="https://www.brooklynmuseum.org/visit/first_saturdays">Brooklyn Museum website</a>.</p> <p><span>If you can’t make it, don’t fret. You can have your own dance party thanks to the listener-powered <a href="https://open.spotify.com/user/deathsexmoney/playlist/6Dl4rGI9baK0rrwq9i36WB">Spotify playlist you helped build</a>.</span></p> <p><iframe frameborder="0" height="380" src="https://embed.spotify.com/?uri=spotify%3Auser%3Adeathsexmoney%3Aplaylist%3A6Dl4rGI9baK0rrwq9i36WB" width="300"></iframe></p>
Mar 11, 2016
Falling in Love... With Heroin
29:35
<p>Susanne* met Mike* when she was 16. He was 18, and her supervisor at the call center where they worked. They flirted and started dating. "Average teenager stuff," Susanne recalls. Soon after they got together, Mike offered Susanne heroin. She says she had never even smoked pot before.</p> <p>"I don’t want to be mean, but I felt pressured into doing it. So, I did," she adds. "And then I fell in love."</p> <p>Heroin took over Susanne and Mike's lives for the next five years. Mike admits that their story, though increasingly common, looks bad from the outside. "I should’ve said, 'Hey, this is probably not the best way to move forward with my life,'" he reflects, "But there’s some things that’re more important, I guess. Like heroin addiction."</p> <p>Through overdoses, incarcerations and three pregnancies, Susanne and Mike kept their relationship intact, even as relationships with family deteriorated. Methadone treatment finally helped them kick their habit. Today, they say it's been almost 10 years since they last used heroin. They moved to a nice neighborhood hundreds of miles away from where their lives began to spiral. Mike found a well-paying job, but felonies on both their records have limited their career options.</p> <p>And true stability continues to be elusive. During our fact-checking process, we uncovered a pending criminal charge that Susanne and Mike hadn't shared with us at first. And it casts their interview in a different light. When we checked in with them again, it became apparent that the outcome of this story—and their relationship—is far from clear. </p> <p>*Names changed</p>
Mar 02, 2016
Michael Ian Black's Middle-Aged Angst
25:38
<p>Being a rebellious smart-ass helped comedian Michael Ian Black launch his career. And it occasionally got him into trouble. “Once I called the head of MTV a drunk,” he told me. “She was very offended.” It didn’t help that he was working for MTV at the time, as a co-creator and star of the ‘90s sketch show The State.</p> <p>At 44 years old, Michael’s comedy still has an acerbic bite. But in his personal life, he’s embraced all the trappings of Rockwellian stability: a new house in the Connecticut suburbs, a wife of 17 years, two kids and a dog. Of course, all of those things come with some anxiety—particularly, the house. “I have a house I can’t afford,” he lamented. “The end is nigh.”</p> <p>Michael's also trying to take care of his mom and younger sister, though he lives thousands of miles away from them. Michael’s mom survived uterine cancer but has spent more than ten years dealing with the effects of her treatment. And his sister, Susan, who has Down Syndrome, lives in an adult home without any family nearby. "It’s sort of in stasis right now," he said about his sister’s living situation. "I just sort of feel paralyzed. I don’t know what the right thing to do is."</p> <p><span>Michael’s anxieties also extend to himself—specifically, to his middle-aged body. “Currently top of mind is my waistline,” he says. And he feels career pressure too. "I’m tired of being somebody who has had a nice little career but hasn’t ever found any sort of mainstream success," Michael told me. "I don’t particularly want to be famous in any in any real way, but I’d like to have just a little bit more control over the kind of things I do."</span></p>
Feb 17, 2016
DANCE BREAK!
4:27
<p>We've been asking you to <a href="https://docs.google.com/forms/d/1ZiBuMofJWeTxkyf9efGj8f5E58NQZ1Y7LNUK9z6PcDY/edit">tell us about the songs that have meant a lot to you during times of big change</a> in your life. You've sent in more than 500 suggestions so far—along with a lot of great stories.</p> <p>Our listener Kevin Chung from Seattle sent us his anthem: "<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vq3mLvnBcTo">Miracle Mile</a>" by the Cold War Kids. You can hear his story about why that song means a lot to him in our short podcast this week—and you can hear about the video he recorded of himself dancing along to the song too.  </p> <p>That's what we want you to do next: <strong>tell us about your anthem</strong>, and then<strong> rock out to it on video</strong>. </p> <p><strong>Step one:</strong> Record a voice memo about your song and why it means so much to you. Email that to <a href="mailto:deathsexmoney@wnyc.org">deathsexmoney@wnyc.org</a>.</p> <p><strong>Step two:</strong> Record a video of yourself celebrating your song...by dancing. Whether you're bopping your head along or having a full-on dance party, we want to see it! Use your phone or your webcam to make the video, and email it to <a href="mailto:deathsexmoney@wnyc.org">deathsexmoney@wnyc.org</a>. (If the file is too big, don't worry—just let us know and we'll help you out.) </p> <p>Need some inspiration? Check out <a href="https://www.facebook.com/deathsexmoney/videos/vb.274319842746302/539093149602302/?type=2&amp;theater">my dance video</a>. </p> <p>We're going to use the videos for a special project that we're working on. We'll keep you posted about when it's done. </p> <p>Thanks friends! </p>
Feb 10, 2016
Lucinda Williams Says Whatever the Hell She Wants
29:19
<p>When Lucinda Williams was in elementary school, all the other kids brought rock collections and other standard fare to show-and-tell. But she brought a folder. "I put this notebook together of seven poems and a short story by Cindy Williams," she remembers. Decades later, she's still documenting her impressions of the world, now in raw, often mournful songs that explore death, heartbreak, abandonment, and love. Many of her them are based in the American south, where Lucinda grew up<span>—</span>including those on her latest album <em>The Ghosts of Highway 20</em>. "I know these roads like the back of my hand," she sings on the title track.     </p> <p>Lucinda's father was Miller Williams, a prolific southern poet. Her mother, Lucille, was a pianist. They split up when Lucinda was about ten. "That's all just kind of a big blur," Lucinda says about that time. Her mother had been diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenic tendencies, and she spent most of her life in therapy or mental hospitals. Her father took over Lucinda and her two siblings, and tried to help them understand that their mother was sick. "My dad was actually quite protective of her, and he would say, 'It's not her fault, she's not well,'" Lucinda told me. "There's a part of that that's healthy; the only problem is that I never gave myself permission to be angry at my mother." </p> <p>Lucinda was close to her father throughout her life. He encouraged her interest in words and writing, even taking her to visit Flannery O'Connor when she was a little girl. So it was especially hard for her to see him go through Alzheimer's disease. He died last year, less than six months after the summer day when he told Lucinda he couldn't write poetry anymore. "I just sat there and just cried," she remembers. "That was when I lost him." </p> <p>At 63, Lucinda says she's more successful than ever, selling out shows on the road and happily in love with her manager Tom Overby, whom she married on stage during an encore in 2009. But, she told me, getting older can still feel like a drag. "I don't like the aging process. I don't like getting older because of all the loss. It just gets harder and harder."</p> <p><div class="user-embedded-video"><div id="videoplayer_idm14027754430929635e17671-c2e0-429b-a7af-d180f6ec3212"><iframe width="620" height="349" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/mTu4cXW9H_Q?wmode=transparent&amp;autohide=1&amp;rel=0&amp;showinfo=0&amp;feature=oembed&amp;enablejsapi=1" frameborder="0" allow="accelerometer; autoplay; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture" allowfullscreen="allowfullscreen" id="a-2933618823564136225" class="youtube_video" mozallowfullscreen="mozallowfullscreen" webkitallowfullscreen="webkitallowfullscreen" data-original-url="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mTu4cXW9H_Q"></iframe></div></div>  </p> <p><em><strong><a href="https://www.facebook.com/LucindaWilliams/videos/vb.12788249188/10153464937064189/?type=2&amp;theater">See the video</a> on Lucinda's Facebook page of her performance of "Compassion" at her father's home before he died. Miller Williams reads his poem, and Lucinda follows by singing her musical interpretation.</strong></em></p> <p><em><strong>Want to share the song that's been an anthem for you during a time of big change? Fill out <a href="https://docs.google.com/forms/d/1ZiBuMofJWeTxkyf9efGj8f5E58NQZ1Y7LNUK9z6PcDY/edit">this form,</a> or email your story to deathsexmoney@wnyc.org. </strong></em></p>
Feb 03, 2016
Death, Sex & Money Live at RadioLoveFest | March 12, 2016
<p>Death, Sex &amp; Money returns to BAM's Harvey Theater on Saturday, March 12, 2016, as part of <a href="http://www.bam.org/programs/2015/radiolovefest">RadioLoveFest</a>! Join us for an evening of conversation and celebration with actress and activist <strong>Rosie Perez</strong> and her cousin, <strong>Sixto Ramos</strong>, comedian <strong>Hari Kondabolu</strong> and his mother, <strong>Uma Kondabolu</strong>, as well as actor <strong>Mahershala Ali</strong> and his wife, the singer-songwriter <strong>Amatus-Sami Karim Ali</strong>. Plus, musician <strong>Lisa Fischer</strong> -- <a href="http://www.wnyc.org/story/lisa-fischer-death-sex-money/">who you've heard on Death, Sex &amp; Money before</a> -- will be bringing along her band, Grand Baton. </p> <hr> <p>This event has already occurred. <a href="http://www.wnyc.org/story/death-sex-money-bam-year-two">Listen to our live recording from this show here.</a></p>
Jan 29, 2016
Why Jeb Corliss Jumps Off Cliffs
25:12
<p>Jeb Corliss says he's "impossible to be in a relationship with." He's a professional BASE jumper and wingsuit flier—who's learned to very carefully analyze and control his emotions, including fear. "People don't realize that feelings get you in big trouble," he told me during our conversation at his condo near the beach in Marina del Rey, CA.</p> <p>For the past two decades, Jeb has made a living doing things that, to most of us, seem crazy. Like jumping out of planes or off of cliffs and flying through the air, often through narrow spaces or trying to hit targets close to the ground. He was first drawn to BASE jumping after seeing it on TV when he was a depressed and suicidal teenager. "It was this concept of, wow—very few people in the world are willing to do that. And if I do it, well then I've done something that very few people would ever be willing to do," he told me. "And if I failed, well then, I got what I wanted." </p> <p>Jeb has had a few brushes with death. In 2012, he slammed into a rock outcropping while soaring down from the top of Table Mountain in Cape Town, South Africa. He was sure that he was going to die, but instead broke both of his legs. Some of his friends haven't been so lucky. Earlier this year, fellow wingsuit pilot Jhonathan Florez—a friend who Jeb says "barged his way" into his life—died during a practice jump in Switzerland. "I'm kind of back to just being a total anti-social, just on my own, kind of thing," Jeb says. </p> <p>In our conversation, we talk about what motivates Jeb to keep risking his life, at 39. And we talk about why his near-death experience left him thinking...about retirement savings. </p> <p><div class="user-embedded-video"><div id="videoplayer_idm13976765702835275f8dc91-944d-4781-9a82-3ccab1b79911"><iframe width="620" height="349" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/LEFCQRwj28w?wmode=transparent&amp;autohide=1&amp;rel=0&amp;showinfo=0&amp;feature=oembed&amp;enablejsapi=1" frameborder="0" allow="accelerometer; autoplay; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture" allowfullscreen="allowfullscreen" id="a6563425319145211315" class="youtube_video" mozallowfullscreen="mozallowfullscreen" webkitallowfullscreen="webkitallowfullscreen" data-original-url="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LEFCQRwj28w"></iframe></div></div>  </p>
Jan 27, 2016
Brooke Shields, Recovering Daughter
30:05
<p>Brooke Shields became famous as a sex symbol long before she was actually having sex. At 12, she played a child prostitute in the film Pretty Baby. Soon after, she starred in the sexy teen romance Blue Lagoon. And at 15, she became the controversial face of Calvin Klein jeans. But then, in college, Brooke publicly revealed her virginity—which she says turned her into "the most famous virgin in the world." "There was a juxtaposition of those two things," Brooke says. "I was not aware. I was not sexually aware."<br> <br>Despite the sexual nature of her early roles, Brooke says she felt safe on set, protected within the industry, and very sheltered at home. Her parents divorced when she was young, and her mother managed her career. But from a young age Brooke also singlehandedly dealt with her mom's alcoholism, which only worsened as she got older. "She damaged almost every relationship she had," Brooke says. "She cut almost everybody off. And I was the only thing left." Brooke eventually fired her mom as her manager and separated her finances from her—but not until she was 29. </p> <p>Brooke married her second husband, Chris Henchy, in 2001. They wanted to start a family, but it was a struggle. After several rounds of IVF, Brooke got pregnant with their first daughter. She was thrilled, but soon after her daughter's birth, Brooke says the "toxic thoughts" started. "I saw my baby hitting the wall. Like, being flung across the room," she says." "I would close my eyes. And these horrible things, these images, would come through my mind."</p> <p>I talk with Brooke about the treatment that she received for postpartum depression, and whether it made her nervous about having a second child. And we talk about how the death of her mother in 2012 has impacted her career—and how, at 50, she's finally paying attention in financial meetings. </p>
Jan 13, 2016
Living Alone, One Year Later
27:37
<p>Today, more than a quarter of American households are home to just one person. And living alone has its perks. You can eat what you want, crank up the stereo and let your dishes pile up for days. But there's also no one to help foot the bill, and no one to turn to for reassurance when things go bump in the night. </p> <p>Last year, I asked you to send in your stories about living solo. Listener Ashley Ward decided it was time to get her own place after dealing with a less-than-ideal roommate. But living alone can also be a consequence of bigger life changes. Arlene Pickett’s husband died four years ago after a long decline. She liked the freedom that came with living by herself. But when she was diagnosed with cancer, solo life just felt hard. Walid Shantur's wife moved out about eight years ago. His daughter left for college the same day. He told me last year that he'd come to embrace living alone—he found it "intoxicating." But when I checked back in with him this year, he told me that he'd met someone new, and added, "I no longer can say that living alone is pleasing and satisfying." </p> <p>I caught up with everyone who talked with me last year about living alone. As you'll hear, some of them are still living alone and loving it. And some aren't. </p>
Dec 30, 2015