How To Do Everything


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Subscribers: 1901
Reviews: 1

Rebecca Y.
 Jul 30, 2018
I miss this show so so so much! I was devastated when they stopped making it because it was 1 of my top favorites! It's interesting, informative and hilarious. I'm going to go back and re-listen because it's still amusing and good life lessons. This podcast is great for everyone!


We're half advice show, half survival guide. We answer all your questions, from how to find a date, to how to find water in the desert.

Episode Date
Beefily Ever After
In our last episode, we learn how to drink tea, build human towers, watch the sunset forever and find the Ian inside all of us.
Nov 18, 2016
Freedom, Justice, or Peter Sagal
We learn what happened to a two-thousand year-old toe, and what to do when our voices make you sick.
Nov 11, 2016
Devil In The White City author Erik Larson helps us write gooder, and we tell you how to snack silently at the movies.
Nov 04, 2016
We Accidentally Made A Halloween Episode
Mark Bittman helps us answer a very creepy question, and we learn who's helping the Obamas move.
Oct 28, 2016
Romancing The Cod
How to talk to fish and protect your yard signs.
Oct 21, 2016
Trust Him On The Frustum
We help you brush that dirt off your shoulder and get the most out of your Reese's.
Oct 13, 2016
The Never-Ending Cave
We tell you how to get deep and how to fake childhood memories.
Oct 07, 2016
The Sound of Silence
A listener needs help opening his Velcro bag quietly, so we call in the military.
Sep 30, 2016
Fiddlin', Gruntin', Snorin' and Carlin'
How to get people to remember your name and find thousands of worms. Note: this episode talks about curse words but bleeps them out. It's educational, but there's a lot of cursing.
Sep 23, 2016
The Champ
We tell you how to keep your fries crispy and make your friends cry.
Sep 16, 2016
How to lose to Usain Bolt by a slightly smaller margin, and another use for your bowling shoes.
Sep 09, 2016
Bonny's Dream
How to endure hearing someone describe their dream.
Sep 02, 2016
Bears and Bubbles
How to bathe discreetly and get close to a panda.
Aug 26, 2016
Bears, Tigers, Leeches, and Spicy Food
How to pick a winner in a bear v. tiger fight, find an endangered species, and eat spicy food.
Aug 19, 2016
Best Man O' War
How to train your pet jellyfish and plan a wedding no one will forget.
Aug 12, 2016
The Only Olympics Guide You'll Ever Need
With how-to advice from a bunch of Olympians and Patrick Stewart.
Aug 05, 2016
Lyin' Eyes
How to protect your cow and pull a loose tooth.
Jul 29, 2016
Merry Chrismas!
How to celebrate your new favorite holiday and enjoy the Summer Olympics.
Jul 21, 2016
How to talk to a dinosaur and survive a public bathroom.
Jul 15, 2016
Human Feet and Graham Crackers
How to have less fun at the beach, and how to enjoy graham crackers.
Jul 08, 2016
A Bulge in the Ol' Onion Bag
How to defend against the dark arts, call someone a jerk, and look cool around dads.
Jul 01, 2016
The Birds & the Bees
We help Ryan and Ryan, and learn what bees are thinking.
Jun 24, 2016
Tossed Salad and Scrambled Eggs
How to blend into the background, and harness the secret power of watermelon.
Jun 17, 2016
The Pee Dance
Why you do what you do when you've really gotta go.
Jun 11, 2016
Scoreboards, Scanners and Southwest
How to keep score at a Cubs game and find the best seat on your next flight.
Jun 03, 2016
The Stink Tree
This week we save a marriage and improve the most awkward minute of your day.
May 27, 2016
You're The Man Now, Dog II
This week we find out why EJ sings.
May 20, 2016
You're The Man Now, Dog
How AC/DC could save your life, and we defend weasels.
May 13, 2016
Nsyncs and Faucets
How to keep a secret, and how to say goodbye bye bye.
May 06, 2016
The Next Generation
A 21st Century mom gets a visit from the 24th Century.
Apr 29, 2016
Yes, No, and Present
How to avoid a bad bee sting, get back at bad Facebook posters, and look cool when you're carrying a Trapper Keeper.
Apr 22, 2016
The Interminator
How to shake hands like a politician, free up space on your iPhone, and talk about golf.
Apr 15, 2016
The Office Spitter
The fun way to monitor air pollution and deal with an annoying co-worker.
Apr 08, 2016
How to defeat the Nazis and wind the Great Clock.
Mar 31, 2016
Long Distance
We talk to astronauts on the International Space Station, and help name a burrito restaurant here on earth.
Mar 25, 2016
Headphones Recommended For This Episode
How to start your day and clean the ceiling.
Mar 18, 2016
Crooked Letter Humpback
How to tell the presidential candidates apart and count seconds effectively.
Mar 11, 2016
Bum Bum Bum Bummmmmm
How to actually enjoy yourself at the symphony, and sneak your name into your favorite TV show.
Mar 05, 2016
Love & Basketball
This episode has nothing to do with the movie "Love & Basketball."
Feb 26, 2016
Science Hotline Bling
Special guest Nick Offerman solves your biggest problem, and who to call when a killer asteroid is on its way.
Feb 19, 2016
The Axe Effect
How to make your food taste sweeter, and valentines that say Be Someone Else's.
Feb 12, 2016
Leave a Message at the Beep
How to leave a message, send a message, and destroy drones.
Feb 05, 2016
NASCAR & Donald Trump
Boy, that title makes it seem like a different show this week. Note: this podcast contains no actual Donald Trump.
Jan 29, 2016
Henry & Robbie
How to make s'mores in the most dangerous way possible, and how to make s'peace with your rooster.
Jan 22, 2016
How to sleep with the fishes and live like El Chapo.
Jan 16, 2016
Bulls, Bears, Elks and Peters
How to talk about the stock market, get an elk out of your basement, and spoil SpaghettiOs.
Jan 08, 2016
Goodnight Goose
How to deter thieves, tell a bedtime story, hum a song, and find sunken treasure.
Dec 18, 2015
All I Want For Christmas Is Poo
How to celebrate Christmas in Catalonia, ruin French toast, and get a seat on the subway.
Dec 11, 2015
The Pants-Splitting Index
How to find giant insects, serve eggnog, and welcome extraterrestrials.
Dec 03, 2015
Thanksgiving Dinner
How to always win the wishbone pull, dodge awkward dinner conversations, and eat as much as possible.
Nov 25, 2015
Trash Talk & Art
How to distract someone you love, and a surprising discovery in Queen Elizabeth's art collection.
Nov 19, 2015
Thumbs Up!
How to smuggle a live chicken, frighten your dentist, and hitchhike offensively.
Nov 13, 2015
The President of Sniffing
How to stay awake during meetings, look sexy in a safety vest, and really smell something.
Nov 06, 2015
Buried Alive!
How to escape when you've been buried alive, and more. If you've been buried alive, though, just call 911 and listen to the episode later.
Oct 29, 2015
The Tooth Mouse
How to throw a really unsettling punch, scare someone, and delight children around the world.
Oct 23, 2015
Plenty of Fish and Davids
How to survive a breakup, keep your bike from getting stolen, and count Davids.
Oct 14, 2015
Death From Above
How to defend yourself against monsters, lend money properly, and play a game of Crud. Also: a correction.
Oct 07, 2015
The World's Largest Grilled Cheese
This week, we provide assistance to the Russian Government, and to two small children.
Sep 30, 2015
Welcome, Pope Francis!
Pope Francis is visiting the US this week. We help him act like a local.
Sep 22, 2015
The Dog Has Something To Tell You
How to take a photograph of your cat, talk to your dog, talk to a British person, and talk to a British dog.
Sep 17, 2015
Planet, Money
How much money is there on the planet? We investigate.
Sep 03, 2015
All About Spike
Ian visits a corpse flower, a stinky jungle plant which has been waiting 12 years to bloom.
Aug 30, 2015
We talk about the weather, but not in a boring way. We hope.
Aug 20, 2015
Sheep, Spiders, and Jenga
How to send secret messages, heal your wounds, and more.
Aug 14, 2015
Stay Cool
How to stay cool in the summertime, and salt your food without salt.
Aug 07, 2015
Baby Names and Outhouses
This week we tell you how to choose the best name ever for your baby and investigate an old outhouse mystery.
Jul 31, 2015
We Don't Want To Startle You
A listener wants to know how not to get startled. Ian and Mike either help or make it worse.
Jul 15, 2015
Hat Tricks and Sirens
This week we tell you how to get a fancy free hat and freak out your entire town.
Jul 09, 2015
Sonia Sotomayor and Some Other Things
We listen back to our interview with Sonia Sotomayor, we cure brain freeze, and the Fonz himself helps you look cool.
Jul 01, 2015
Out of the Office
Ian and Mike are out of the office. They talk about it, then they change the world, then they play some old segments.
Jun 26, 2015
The Song of the Scrub-Jay
How to defeat your winged enemies and prove how good you are at the bongos.
Jun 19, 2015
The Ericpalooza
How to take beautiful photographs of your cat, and how to digest your food. Plus, we say goodbye to a beloved colleague. Not Gillian. We already said goodbye to Gillian.
Jun 10, 2015
We've Got Our Fingers In A Lot of Pies
How to conduct yourself around pie, and how to name your bird.
Jun 03, 2015
Micropigs and Fossils
We help you relax, and help you become a fossil. Plus, some words of encouragement as you enter the final days of the exclamation point fast.
May 20, 2015
Braying Donkeys and Braying Modems
How to make sense of what your computer is saying, make an uneasy pengiun comfortable, and use up old newspapers. Plus we have a tip to get you through the last week of our Exclamation Point Fast.
May 13, 2015
Small Talk and Penguins
We help endangered penguins carry on their species, and we help you make small talk with kids. Plus: our Exclamation Point Fast continues, with catastrophic results.
May 05, 2015
Mountaintops and Nosebleeds
How to make a mountain shorter and a new use for bacon. Plus, we check in on our exclamation point fast.
Apr 28, 2015
F-Bombs, Chicken, and Exclamation Points
How to find alternatives for the f-word, cook your chicken in the most spectacular way possible, and stop using exclamation points! That was our last one.
Apr 21, 2015
High Five!
How to celebrate without getting everyone else sick and the fastest way to get published in the New York Times.
Apr 14, 2015
Stunt Baby and The Dog Olympics
How to make your pregnancy more exciting and the Olympics more competitive.
Apr 07, 2015
Wake Up and Eat Birthday Cake
How to wake up, celebrate your birthday properly, and shoot a free throw. This is not an April Fool's Day episode. Were we supposed to do an April Fool's Day episode?
Apr 02, 2015
Cheetah Allen and The Kiss of Death
How to become Cheetah Boy, and a warning about lipstick.
Mar 25, 2015
Milk & Asparagus
How to get the milk you want and deserve, and the truth about asparagus.
Mar 17, 2015
Cows & Noses
A cow is rescued, and a nose is picked.
Mar 10, 2015
Babies vs. Winter
How to beat the winter, find love, and make the Olympic team.
Mar 04, 2015
Kissing With Braces and Falling Ice
We help you get unstuck and survive your walk to work.
Feb 24, 2015
Theater Butts
This week we help you find your seat without bothering the people around you.
Feb 17, 2015
Rally & Bluff
How to drive a rally car, bluff convincingly, and look pretty when you get your picture taken.
Feb 10, 2015
Biweekly Shark Butts
This week, how to never miss a meeting, decide if your shark needs pants, and more.
Feb 04, 2015
Cereal and The Super Big Sports Game
How to keep your cereal from getting soggy, and we make a very interesting dip for the big sporting event with the misshapen ball that will be played on Sunday and shall not be named.
Jan 27, 2015
Laps & Laptops
How to stop that email you shouldn't have sent, and how to swim a lap. Plus: a friend in need is a friend indeed.
Jan 21, 2015
This week we solve an age-old spinach mystery and help out the FBI. Plus football predictions from Gillian!
Jan 14, 2015
Clues and Legos
How to crack a case, and how to build a really, really, really big Lego model.
Jan 06, 2015
This Episode Is Only For Cows
This episode is only for cows. Humans are advised to skip this and listen to one of our many human-focused episodes instead. 
Dec 23, 2014
Less Cowbell
Cows, it turns out, hate the sound of cowbells. We try and help out our bovine friends. 
Dec 22, 2014
Santa Claus, Ninjas and Fruitcake Toss Day
This week a Ninja Master gives Santa some tips on sneaking around and how to make 2015 the best year ever.
Dec 20, 2014
Hair and Apostrophes
A listener is getting laser hair removal, and it hurts. A lot. Mike and Ian help her deal with the pain, with some help from the toughest people they could find. 
Dec 13, 2014
The Punch
This week we tell you how to punch someone in the face without hurting anyone and get solar power the Jackie Chan way.
Dec 05, 2014
Thanksgiving Leftovers
We're out of the office this week, but we've put together a few Thanksgiving-ish howtos from past shows. 
Nov 27, 2014
Choose Your Own Adventure
How to survive family time this Thanksgiving. Plus, the moving walkway is coming to an end.  
Nov 24, 2014
Sweat & Comic Sans
How to find all those typoos you made, and how they test out those wicking t-shirts. 
Nov 14, 2014
Physical Chess
We do our best to help out Josiah, who needs to beat a much stronger guy in arm wrestling. Also: nocturnal sneezing. 
Nov 07, 2014
How To Boo Everything
A special Halloween episode with lots of zombies and scary things.
Oct 30, 2014
A Man and His Bike
How to get service at a restaurant and a man learns to ride a bike without training wheels. 
Oct 24, 2014
The Diplomat & The Goatherd
How to correct someone gracefully, and how to mow your lawn without a lawnmower. 
Oct 17, 2014
Sialoquents and Pricklouses
How to get the most out of your root beer, insult people from ancient times and make peace with that sneezy guy on the train.
Oct 11, 2014
The Bustle In Your Hedgerow
How to predict the winter, describe the taste of bubblegum, and park your blimp safely. 
Oct 03, 2014
Doodles, Names, and Best Boys
How to make sense of the credits at the end of a movie, doodle old school, and how companies choose the names for people in their ads. 
Sep 27, 2014
Gin and Garbage
How to freshen up with gin and we solve a stinky mystery.
Sep 19, 2014
Dinosaur Shirts, ATM Fees and The Flavor of Names
How to dress your Dreadnaughtus; avoid ATM fees and taste somebody's name. 
Sep 12, 2014
The Very Large Cat
Mike and Ian help you with a common pet problem. Also, they've missed you, by the way. 
Sep 05, 2014
Summer Vacation Postcard #2
Ian takes a visit to the National Ice Core Lab in Colorado, where they store all those thousand-year-old ice cores they pull out of Antarctica. 
Aug 15, 2014
Summer Vacation Postcard #1
How not to get lost in the wild. A quick tip from our summer break.
Aug 08, 2014
The Noid
We're on the road this week, so just a short show for you. But we will tell you the strange, tragic story of The Noid, the old Domino's Pizza mascot from the 80s. 
Aug 02, 2014
Shipwrecked Legos and Eating Crickets
This week we tell you how to turn beach trip into a treasure hunt and how to snack on crickets.
Jul 25, 2014
Babies and Emergencies
How to travel with your baby, and what to do when you've really, really got to go. 
Jul 18, 2014
Scoreboards, Scanners and Southwest
Life inside a scoreboard and how to find the best seat on your next flight. 
Jul 11, 2014
Water, Hawks, and 24
How to get your very own bottled water past a TSA checkpoint, defend your international tennis tournament from varmints, and protect the President. 
Jul 03, 2014
Meatballs, Manatees, and More
How to make sense of a buffet, jump out of a plane, and swim like a manatee. 
Jun 27, 2014
Moments, Ounces and Atoms
We tell you the worst way to clean your chimney, how to take moment and the one thing you should be scared of this week.
Jun 20, 2014
Reclaiming Poindexter
How to prepare for the World Cup, and how to tell your parents you're getting married. Plus: the moon, the tides, and a man who wasn't entirely happy with a recent episode of "Wait, Wait...Don't Tell Me."
Jun 11, 2014
Human Feet and Graham Crackers
How to have less fun at the beach, and how to enjoy graham crackers. 
May 31, 2014
Dr. Down, Whales and Something Scary
How to introduce yourself, get rid of that whale on the beach, plus the one thing you should be afraid of this week.
May 23, 2014
The Meat Pi?ata
The inside story on the greatest burp ever burped, how wild animals celebrate Cinco de Mayo, and more. 
May 16, 2014
The Gilligan Rule
Breaking Bad's Vince Gilligan determines exactly how long people need to wait before talking about spoilers, Mary Roach helps a listener with a fart-related question, and more.
May 09, 2014
Dinosaur Baths and Hot Enchiladas
This week we tell you how to bathe your T.rex and eat your lunch without burning yourself.
May 02, 2014
Peeps, Dolphins, and Video Games
How to get rid of those leftover Marshmallow Peeps, make good use of your pet dolphin, and play video games forever. 
Apr 25, 2014
Mr Hand, Curveballs and Flaming Doritos
This week we tell you how to make a rat laugh, throw a better breaking ball and start a fire with snacks.
Apr 18, 2014
Yes, No, and Present
How to avoid a bad bee sting, get back at bad Facebook posters, and look cool when you're carrying a Trapper Keeper. 
Apr 11, 2014
Frozen, Floods and Chips
How to open a bag of chips, save all the animals and go up to bat. Plus, Jeff Garlin tells us how to pick the perfect Christmas tree.
Apr 04, 2014
Driving, Sneezing and Zombie Cologne
This week we tell you how to fool zombies, how to sneeze in the Daytona 500 and we find another reason to love fried shrimp.
Mar 28, 2014
Clothes, Dice, and Food
How to save money on clothes without giving up anything but your dignity, minimize the number of fights during Monopoly, and get the excellent restaurant service you don't deserve. 
Mar 21, 2014
Cologne, Nimrods, and The Chicago River
How to get rid of that perfume you never wear, properly call someone a nimrod, and celebrate St.Patrick's Day Chicago style. 
Mar 14, 2014
Weather, Cats, and Hockey
How to properly make use of your cat, and how to make it in the NHL. Plus special guest meteorologist Paula Poundstone gives us our first ever weather report. 
Mar 09, 2014
Groundhog Day, Oscars, and Squat Thrusts
  We remember Harold Ramis by learning how the movie Groundhog Day was almost very different, John Lithgow tells us how to play it cool at the Oscars, and we help a listener find love at the gym
Feb 28, 2014
Bees, Bees and Cans
This week we learn how to beat a spelling bee, how to talk to bees and a new use for cement.
Feb 25, 2014
Verkhoyansk, Hijacking, and Puffy Coats
How to feel better about this freezing winter, and how to prevent a hijacking. Plus, something to think about when you're smashed between two people in puffy coats on the subway.  And if you're playing along at home: it's spelled Verkhoyansk. 
Feb 14, 2014
Tiny Catapults, The Tug Of War, and Seth: The Human Glacier
This week we tell you how to move like a glacier, write a cartoon musical and lose friends. 
Feb 07, 2014
Arm Pits, Bunny Boots and Beer Slushies
This week we tell you how to keep your beer from freezing, keep your hands warm at the South Pole and how to talk about the Super Bowl without saying Super Bowl.
Jan 31, 2014
Rice Krispies, Names, and Spies
How to deal with an embarrassing name, and how to spy like a lady. Plus, a revelation that may change breakfast forever. 
Jan 25, 2014
Demons, Tongues and A-Rod
This week we tell you how to pour pulled cod like a pad kid, put out a fire like a frat boy and we help A-Rod figure out what to do this summer. 
Jan 18, 2014
Electric Kisses and Polar Vortexes
How to take the spark out of your romance, survive the deep freeze, and growl like a radio bear.
Jan 11, 2014
Cow To Moo Everything
The great Sir Patrick Stewart, in perhaps the role of his life, helps a listener answer a question about cows. 
Dec 27, 2013
Tips, Hugs, and Egg Nog
How to get the best possible tip when you're waiting tables, how to hug properly, and Peter Sagal joins us for an Egg Nog taste test. 
Dec 20, 2013
Autographs, Wrestling, and Babies
How to get an autograph, how to have a baby (but not how to make a baby), and a visit from pro wrestler Stone Cold Steve Austin. Plus: we talk to a couple winners of our Thanksgiving Travel Photo Contest!
Dec 14, 2013
Fancy Feathers and The Full Beaver Moon.
This week we tell where Big Bird comes from, how new colors get their names, plus the Full Beaver Moon.
Dec 06, 2013
Your Thanksgiving Survival Kit
A game to make horrible holiday travel slightly less horrible, political strategist David Axelrod helps you dodge those awkward Thanksgiving dinner conversations, and more. 
Nov 27, 2013
Love in Outer Space, Pressed Pants and The Humping Dog
This week an astronaut tells you how to have a long distance relationship, how to press your pants when taking a nap and how to spoon.
Nov 25, 2013
Shipping, Basketball, and Wind
How to ship a package in a way that will lessen the likelihood it gets destroyed, score an eight pointer when you’re playing basketball, and measure the wind. Plus: wordsearch winners!  
Nov 16, 2013
Coasters, Word Searches and Swearing
How to get free coasters, curse across the world and avoid offending people with your word search. Plus, one last Toilet of the Week.
Nov 09, 2013
Batholiths, Milk and The Full Riker
How to tell your rock formations apart, introduce yourself to the wonderful world of Star Trek, and do a body good. Plus: a portable Toilet of the Week! 
Nov 01, 2013
Hal Needham, 1931-2013
Hal Needham, our favorite stuntman, died Friday at 82. He did stunts in more than 300 films, directed "Smokey and the Bandit" and "The Cannonball Run," won an Honorary Oscar last year, got a lot of speeding tickets, and broke a lot of bones. He was a regular guest on our show, and here we listen back to a few of our favorite moments with him. 
Oct 28, 2013
Spitting Politely, Late Fees and Accordions in Jail
How to survive the food at a bar mitzvah, get out of jail and rack up billions in late fees. Plus, a spooky toilet of the week.
Oct 24, 2013
Car Stereos, Ticks, and Water
How to protect your valuables, discover a new species, and order water at a restaurant without looking like an idiot. Plus: an international Toilet of the Week! 
Oct 12, 2013
Stink Fights, Corn Chips and Sour Toes
How to keep your dog safe on roadtrips, fight off a lemur and a trip to the Yukon.
Oct 04, 2013
Bees, Baseball and Heisenberg's Blue Meth
How to stop a swarm of bees from ruining your game and a totally legal way to make blue crystal meth.* *not actually crystal meth, but it is blue
Sep 27, 2013
Reporting A Tough Story
Washington Post reporter Ian Shapira talks about covering the Navy Yard shooting. And: now that the new iPhone has a fingerprint scanner, you don't have to enter in your password anymore, which saves you almost half a second. We'll tell you a few ways to spend that extra time. 
Sep 20, 2013
Spoilers, Pronunciation, and Jury Duty
How to avoid spoilers, pronounce a really, really, really long name, and get out of jury duty. 
Sep 17, 2013
The Christmas Singularity
How to get ready for a tennis match, plan a flea circus, and take a compliment. You look nice today, by the way. 
Sep 07, 2013
An Unsolved Mystery, The Bagel Tote and Dog Compliments
How to compliment your dog, get your bagel sandwich to work without making a mess and twerking.
Aug 31, 2013
Olinguitos, Rock Shoulders and an Awkward Robot
How to discover a new mammal, have the coolest name in baseball and make a robot laugh.
Aug 23, 2013
Man-Eating Fish, Rock Stars and a Photo Finish
How to clean up after a rock star and make the call on a photo finish. Plus, a special warning to our listeners in Scandinavia.
Aug 15, 2013
Smoking, Stinking and Hypnotizing
How to deal with your smelly roommate using hypnosis or a plant.
Aug 02, 2013
How To Move Your Gigantic Magnet
This week we join the crew from Fermi Lab on the final leg of their electromagnetic road trip.
Jul 26, 2013
Smuggling, Ponies and Ice Cream
How to sound intelligent at the race track and smuggle money across the border. Plus, Peter Sagal tries your ice cream. 
Jul 19, 2013
Poodles and Noodles
How to survive on a desert island, name your baby, and pass the time while you're waiting for your baby. Also, we like poodles and noodles. 
Jul 13, 2013
Magnets, Airports, and Bees
How to move your really, really, really big magnet, survive when your flight get cancelled, and weigh your pet bee. Plus: your Toilet of the Week!
Jul 02, 2013
How To Keep Animals From Escaping Your Zoo
This week we tell you how to prepare your zookeepers to deal with a rogue panda.
Jun 28, 2013
Monkey Fighters, and Finding A Stranger In The Alps
How to look cool as a cucumber when it’s hot as a something hot outside, and how to make something NSFW into something SFW. Plus: a technologically advanced toilet of the week, and more.  
Jun 21, 2013
Face-Offs, Ice Cream and You Got Served
How to win in hockey, create a new flavor of ice cream, and another reason to be suspicious of the UPS guy. #HTDE111 
Jun 14, 2013
Mobsters, Burritos and Goodbyes
This week tell you how to intimadate jurors, pronounce the longest word in Germany and deal with your stinky clothes.
Jun 07, 2013
Butter, Demons, and Cheese
How to improve your butter experience 1000%, perform an exorcism, and obtain cheese in the most dangerous way possible. Plus: your Toilet of the Week! 
Jun 03, 2013
Cicadas, Basketball and Darth Vader
How to cook cicadas and how to be Darth Vader. Plus future NBA stars tell you how to be a basketball fan. 
May 24, 2013
Spies, Patches and Bathtub Reading
This week we tell you how to recruit a double agent, spruce up your uniform and keep your books dry.
May 17, 2013
Popcorn, Dr. Ruth and the Confidence Chamber
How to enjoy popcorn, survive the Confidence Chamber, and get a good night's sleep - with help from Dr. Ruth.
May 10, 2013
Beer, One Night Stands and Bleeping Bleep
How to talk beer, write an obituary and make the best of a badly timed one night stand.
Apr 29, 2013
Sinkholes, Water Hazards and Construction Workers
This week we tell you how to play golf without wearing any pants, fit in with construction workers and deal with sinkholes.
Apr 19, 2013
Movies, Bugs, and Hands
How to keep that guy behind you from talking all the way through the movie, spy on your enemies, and get a job in modeling even if you’ve got a weird face. Plus: our March Madness winner, and a very remote Toilet of the Week!
Apr 12, 2013
70 Days in Bed With Howard
How to prepare for a galactic journey.
Apr 05, 2013
B2s, Basketball and Romance
How to fly a space age war plane, how to explain love to your dog and a very special toilet of the week. Plus, a March Madness update with Dick Vitale.
Mar 29, 2013
Beyonce, Rihanna, and The Talent Show to End All Talent Shows
How to win your elementary school talent show, keep your daughter from making fun of you, and drive as dangerously as possible. Two of these are a good idea.
Mar 22, 2013
McNuggets, Donkey Kong, and Drawing
How to make the perfect Chicken McNugget, celebrate the lifting of the NYC Soda Ban, and impress your three-year-old daughter. Plus the great comic book artist Chris Ware helps you learn to draw, and a very contemplative Toilet Of The Week!
Mar 18, 2013
Deer, Cars, and Dogs
How to rescue a deer friend or human friend stuck out on the ice, and name your new car. Plus we listen back to an Iditarod dispatch as the great sled dog race goes on in Alaska. Plus: your Toilet of the Week, and we give you nicknames. 
Mar 08, 2013
Keyboards, Jingles, and Oscars
How to clean your disgusting computer keyboard at work, sit comfortably at an awards show, and Barry Manilow helps a listener write a catchy jingle. Plus: our first ever Human Toilet of the Week!
Mar 01, 2013
Chips, Penguins, and Spy Planes
How to open your bag of chips easily, every time, how to keep from falling on the ice, and how to test out your new spy plane. And of course, your Toilet of the Week. 
Feb 22, 2013
Speeches, Speakers and Chinese Food
How to sit behind the president during the State of the Union Address and you'll never eat Chinese take-out the same again.
Feb 12, 2013
Seals and Responses
This week we learn how to create a presidential seal and how to give the official response to the State of the Union Address. Plus, a Toilet of the Week just in time for Mardi Gras.
Feb 07, 2013
Heads or Tails
How to cash in at the Super Bowl, camouflage your car, and a very, very special guest helps a listener learn to love baseball. Plus: your toilet of the week!
Feb 01, 2013
Photos, Football, and Shrek
How to take a portrait of President Obama, how to play wide receiver in the NFL, and how to take on the role of Shrek in your high school musical. Plus: Producer Blythe goes out into the world to find our Toilet of the Week. 
Jan 26, 2013
Ponytails, Armstrong, and Frogs
How to make the best ponytail possible, keep your milk from going bad, and use those old Livestrong bracelets you're not wearing anymore. Plus, Saturday Night Live & Portlandia's Fred Armisen comes back to help you with another problem. 
Jan 19, 2013
Episode 90: Bill Pullman, Bill Paxton, and Gerard Depardieu
How to remember which one's Bill Pullman and which one's Bill Paxton, how to act like a local in Russia, and an international Toilet of the Week. Also, for our Jurassic listeners, how to ride a dinosaur. 
Jan 11, 2013
Gum & Onions
How to keep from crying when you chop onions, how to finish that joke from Dumb & Dumber, and a childhood fear gets investigated. 
Jan 05, 2013
Planes, Boats, and Looking Cool
How to test out an airplane, look cool, and set up a classic joke. Plus: our toilet of the week, and the beginning and end of our new segment, "Nautical Notes." 
Dec 21, 2012
Crash Blossoms, Smuggling, and Standup
How to smuggle drugs across the border (or stop a drug smuggler, if that's more your thing), become a standup comedian, and root for your favorite team. Plus: our toilet of the week! 
Dec 15, 2012
Power & Hotels
Just a quick show this week as we're on the road, but we will tell you how to charge your phone when you forget your power adapter, and we talk to author Lee Child. He writes the Jack Reacher books, about a guy who pretty much knows how to do everything. Plus: your toilet of the week! 
Dec 07, 2012
Hecklers, Cheetahs, and Goodbyes
How to face down a heckler, make a movie with a cheetah, and get off the phone. Plus: our first international Toilet of the Week! 
Dec 01, 2012
The Thanksgiving Episode
How to always win the wishbone pull, and navigate Thanksgiving family drama. Plus: Paula Deen on turkey, and we talk pumpkin pie with James Iha of the Smashing Pumpkins. Seriously. 
Nov 20, 2012
Bumper Stickers, Scandals, and Bugs
How to get a bumper sticker off your car, find a suitable substitute during a cockroach shortage (this is something that happens, apparently), and read a woman’s t-shirt without looking like a creep. Plus, Carl Bernstein, of Woodward and Bernstein, helps us put a name on the Petraeus Scandal. 
Nov 15, 2012
Skeuomorphs, Hurricanes, and Showtunes
How to stop a hurricane and win every single swing state. Plus the lovely Kristin Chenoweth helps you sing a showtune, with assistance from another very special guest. 
Nov 02, 2012
Apple, Baseball, and Halloween
A look inside the Apple Store Employee Manual, how to enjoy the World Series if you’re like Ian and you don’t know a thing about baseball, and how to make a good Halloween costume.
Oct 26, 2012
Lunch, Art, Cows, and Miracles
How to always remember your lunch, steal a million dollar painting, hang out with a farmer, and more. Plus: our Toilet of the Week.
Oct 18, 2012
Cupcakes, S'mores, Plants, and Toilets
How to eat a cupcake, make s’mores properly, and maybe, just maybe, help your plants grow. Plus, our Toilet Of The Week! 
Oct 12, 2012
Public Toilets, Debate Prep and Nintendo
We tell you how to prepare for your presidential debate, fix your old Nintendo games and begin our most ambitious project ever.
Oct 05, 2012
Rompers, Sloshing, and Announcing
How to dress for the office, keep coffee off your pants, and take over the mic at a volleyball game. Plus: why you always lose at crane games. 
Sep 28, 2012
Pocket Squares, Mustaches and Secret Videos
This week we learn how to care for a new mustache, pick a pocket square and recover from an embarrassing video.
Sep 20, 2012
Strikes and Alibis
How to lie about your secret mission and talk about strikes. Plus info about the How To meetup in Atlanta.
Sep 14, 2012
Corn, Refs, and Ikea
How to get your corn off the cob, ref an NFL game, name your modern Swedish furniture, and more!
Sep 07, 2012
The Only Olympics Guide You'll Ever Need
With how to advice from: Sir Patrick Stewart, US Olympian Matt Tegenkamp, New Zealand Olympian Quentin Rew, Nigerian Olympian Koko Archibong, Australian Olympian Russel Mark, Senator and Olympic Gold Medalist Bill Bradley, Canadian Curler Kristie Moore, and more. 
Jul 27, 2012
Treasure, Vetting, and Zombies
How to save money at an outdoor music festival, zombie-proof your car, and become a Blue Man. Plus, Governor Evan Bayh tells us how to survive the VP vetting process.
Jul 19, 2012
Some Old Segments You Might Like
Mike and Ian are out of the office this week. But we went way back to the early episodes to find the old segments we’re actually not embarrassed of! If you’ve heard every episode, maybe skip this. But if you’re a new listener, we’ll tell you how to act around celebrities, how to run for office, how to bring a stale bagel back to life, and more. See you next week with the regular new stuff. 
Jul 11, 2012